The Haircut

"Cut your hair, if your hair offends you;
Cut your hair, I think you know just what to do.
Cut your hair, better to enter Heaven bald,
Than enter Hell, and have it all…"

As he finished breakfast, he heard voices and turned to look over his shoulder. Narcissa and Draco were coming down the stairs. Narcissa was giving her son a breakdown of what their shopping trip would entail. "We'll get all your other supplies and go to Flolurish and Blotts last. If there's time, and you behave properly, we can stop at Fortescue's before we head back home."

Draco rolled his eyes but smiled. "Yes, mother."

Narcissa caught sight of him hovering in the entry way of the dining room; and yet again, that strange look that was a mixture of hope, sadness, longing, anger, and fear-yes, there was some fear in her expression as well—flashed across her face. And it made him wonder why fear was part of the mixture of emotions he saw in her eyes so frequently. For some reason, it didn't set well on is mind.

Narcissa paused a moment when she reached the bottom of the stairs before walking in his direction. "We should only be gone a couple of hours, Lucius. Are you certain you'll be alright whilst we're gone?" She peered at him, the haunted look of so many different emotions still on her face.

He gave another weak smile. "Yes…yes, I'm certain I'll be ok. You two go on and enjoy your time together."

Both Narcissa and Draco raised their eyebrows at his comment, exchanging a quick glance with one another.

He kept the weak smile plastered to his face, but inside he frowned. Did I say the wrong thing? Do they not get along well together? They seem to…

Narcissa leaned in once more and again kissed his cheek. Pulling back she searched his eyes before favoring him with a small smile. His breath hitched. Gaah, she is so beautiful…

"See you soon," she murmured before turning back to Draco and the two…headed into the sitting room. This time he did frown. I thought they were leaving, but they're not heading for the front door… He followed them into the other room to find them standing in front of the fireplace. Once more Narcissa turned to him.

"Remember, Lucius: if you need anything while I am gone, tell the elves. If by some chance the Parkinsons arrive before we get back, do your best to be a gracious host." She pursed her lips after that comment.

Elves? The Parkinsons!? I have no idea what she's…ugh, this not being able to remember anything is getting a bit tedious.

"Uhh…of course."

And again, Narcissa peered at him through narrowed eyes before nodding. She turned to the fireplace and reached into a box that was perched on the mantle. He frowned again as she grabbed a handful of some kind of powder and dropped it into the fireplace. The flames roared up, turning green, and she said, "Diagon Alley," in a loud voice before stepping into the flames. In an instant she vanished.

His jaw dropped, his eyebrows shot up, and he lost the ability to speak as Draco repeated Narcissa's actions and disappeared into the fire as well. The flames died back down at once, and he remained standing in front of the fireplace gaping at it. "What the bloody…" He grabbed the poker that rested against the hearth and began poking it against the bricks at the back of the grate. Everything seemed solid, nothing budged. Dropping the poker, he staggered back and collapsed into a chair that was facing the fireplace, still gaping at the flames, which were back to normal now.

Wh-what…what just happened? Are they dead? Where the bloody hell did they go?! They—they just stepped into the fire and vanished! He repeated this process several times: going to the fireplace, prodding the back of it with the poker, then collapsing into the chair. I need something to distract myself…he ran his hand through his hair, freezing as he did so. He held some of his hair out in front of his eyes and glared at it. Below the shoulder platinum blonde hair. I don't think so! I'm going to get a haircut! He stood, then paused. He glanced toward the entry hall, then at the fireplace, then back to the entry hall, then the fireplace once again. He walked over and peeked into the box Narcissa and Draco had taken the powder out of. He sniffed at it. It smelled faintly of sulfur. I don't really fancy the idea of walking into fire…

Sighing, he turned and headed into the entry hall, then out the huge front doors. Squinting in the sudden brightness of the sunlight outside, he shielded his eyes with a hand and looked around. Nothing but farmland and large expanses of trees spread out before him for as far as he could see, even after he walked out from the house enough where he could see in an almost complete circle. I'm in the literal middle of nowhere…

Sighing in defeat, he trudged wearily back into the house. As he crossed the threshold, a thought came to him. Hold on a minute…Turning and running back outside, he curved left in front of the house until he reached the outside of the fireplace in the sitting room. He aimed a few solid kicks at the base of it, hoping to find some sort of trapdoor that Narcissa and Draco might have crawled through. But even as the thought entered his mind, he frowned at the absurdity of it. And all he got for the ridiculous notion about a trapdoor in the back of the fireplace was a sore foot. He limped back inside.

Then he realized once again how badly he needed to find a restroom, and another horrid idea popped into his mind. As he'd made his way downstairs for breakfast earlier, he had been looking around. All throughout breakfast he'd been looking around too…and he had not seen One. Single. Electrical. Outlet. Or light switch. Not one! He hurriedly tried several doors that led off the entry hall, and still found no restroom. "I swear—if this house doesn't even have indoor plumbing, I'll—"

Once again there was a loud cracking sound, and another of the misshapen dwarf-like creatures was standing before him, tugging on its ears and staring at him with the most mournful expression he'd ever seen on anyone's face.

The yell he gave off wasn't quite as loud as the one from earlier, when he'd first encountered one of these creatures.

"Oh, Master, Mipsy can shows you the way! Mistress says you has forgotten many things and we musts helps you whiles she is gone!"

He was staring wide-eyed at the little creature as it spoke to him. When it fell quiet and just stood there, still pulling on its ears, he realized it was waiting for him to reply. "Ummm…alright. Lead the way, eh—Mipsy."

Mipsy took him down a small side passageway that broke off to the right side of the entry hall. Stopping outside the second door, she opened it with a snap of her fingers, causing his eyebrows to shoot up again. So, magic is real…not just witches, but these little munchkin creatures can do it as well.

"Here, Master. There be also one just next to Master's room in the upstairs. Mistress and young master have them in their rooms, too, and there be a few more in other places." The little creature began tugging its ears again, and looked up at him with those round, fearful eyes. Why does she look so afraid?

"Does Master need anything else?"

"Eh, er, um, no—no, uh, Mipsy. Thank you." He offered the creature a half smile, unsure of how else to respond.

"Mipsy will go back to the kitchens now, to makes Master lunch for when he is hungry again." The creature bowed low then disappeared with another loud crack. Gaping once more at the spot the creature had just been standing in, he shook his head and entered the huge bathroom. Is everything in this house huge?

When he reemerged, he decided it might be wise to figure out where the bathroom near his bedroom was. It took him twenty minutes to navigate back to the room he'd found himself in when all the nonsense had started. After that, he easily located the bathroom, which indeed was right next to his room as the little creature had said.

After he had changed into the least posh outfit that he could find in the closet —which he still thought was far too pretentious for a day spent simply wandering around the house—he set out to explore. The first thing he noted was the way the portraits moved…they looked at him; and it wasn't that typical thing with pictures where their eyes seem to always be looking at you…no, these pictures looked at you. And talked! They were whispering to each other as they cast furtive glances at him, sometimes even disappearing from one picture only to reappear in another and whisper to the person in that one, then grow silent as you approached, watching you walk by, only to start whispering again once you passed.

It freaked him out a bit.

After spending the better part of the morning exploring the house, followed around the entire time by the people in numerous paintings and portraits, he made his way back to his room. Once more catching sight of himself in the mirror, he frowned. "I have got to do something about this ludicrous hair!" But what? He knew there were no towns or villages within walking distance…

Then an idea struck him, and he wondered why he hadn't thought of it before. "Narcissa said to ask the elves if I need anything. That Mipsy must be an elf; maybe she could use her magic to fix this hair?" Magic. The idea still seemed preposterous to him. But he wanted this ridiculous hair gone, so he exited the room and headed back downstairs.

After a thorough search of the first level, he had not been able to find the kitchen. Heaving yet another sigh, he made his way back to the sitting room and collapsed into a chair. His eyes took in the large fireplace and he frowned. I still don't get how those two just walked into fire and vanished. He rested his head on his hand, and once more felt the curtain of hair flutter around his arm. Growling, he stood and began pacing.

"Ok, so I've found a gigantic library, a ballroom—a freaking ballroom—a study, a couple other sitting rooms, about two dozen bedrooms, a rickety staircase to a third floor, several doors that were locked, and a bunch of other rooms whose purpose I can't figure out, as well as a stairway to what I suppose is a basement…" His voice trailed off and he shook his head. But not a sign of any other people anywhere.

He was distracted from his musings when his stomach growled. Instantly, the dwarf-like thing-Mipsy, he reminded himself—appeared before him with another low bow. "Master bes getting hungry. Does he wants his lunch now?" She glanced up at him, fear still showing in her eyes. And he began to wonder: was she afraid of him personally, or was that just her default emotion?

"Um, yes please, Mipsy." He was rather hungry, after all.

"Does Master wants to eat here, or in the dining room?"

"Uh…" He glanced around at the very fancy and expensive looking furniture in the ornate room. Narcissa would kill me if I made a mess in here. And he didn't even realize that was the first time he had thought of her by name. "I'll eat in the dining room, please." The creature bowed low and disappeared again.

With a resigned sigh, he stood and made his way toward the dining rom. Food was already set out at his place, and he dug into it at once. It was as excellent in taste and quality as the breakfast had been. He glanced around at the huge, ornate dining room as he ate, since he had nothing else to distract him. He had no idea when Narcissa and the boy…Draco, he reminded himself; when Narcissa and Draco would return. What could he do in the meantime? He refused to explore either the third floor or the basement. Guess I've seen too many horror movies.

His face brightened. I almost forgot... Feeling a bit silly, he called "Mipsy!" into the empty room. The creature appeared a second after he'd called, once again bowing low. "What does Master need from Mipsy?"

"Would you please bring the other elves in here for a moment?"

Mipsy's face took on a look of extreme fear, and she began tugging her ears in dismay. "Oh, is master angry? Please don't be angry, Master! We didn't do anythings!" Tears began spilling down her face.

He was taken aback by her reaction. She is scared of me! But why? "Um, no,no, Master isn't—I mean, I'm not angry about anything. I just need to ask you all a question."

Still crying, Mipsy disappeared, only to return in seconds with six more elves. They were all pulling on their ears and looking at him with terrified expressions. Two were crying as Mipsy had been. They all bowed low.

"This be everyone who was not busy, Master," Mipsy told him.

Just how many of the little creatures were there around the house? "Well, hello everyone." He said, giving what he hoped was an encouraging smile and waited for a response, but they appeared too afraid to speak.

He sighed. "Um…as I'm sure Narcissa has told you, I have forgotten…well, pretty much everything about my life. I guess I had some sort of accident." He paused again, glancing around at their faces and waiting for a reply that never came.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you would all be so kind as to tell me your names? Besides, Mipsy, of course."

At this they all spoke at once, their voices all sounding similar yet overlapping one another.

"Me bees Dipsy, Master!"

"Nipsy!"

"Loppy!"

"Lizzy, Master!"

"Breacher!"

"And this be Lucy, Master," Mipsy said, placing a comforting hand on the smallest of the creatures, who appeared too frightened to speak, and just stood there crying.

He blinked at them for a moment. "I could write a book…'The Amnesiac and the Seven Dwarves.'" He muttered, shaking his head.

"Uh, thank you all. It might take me a bit to remember everyone's names, but I'll do my best. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you knew how to cut hair?"

They all froze and looked up at him with their round, unblinking eyes.

"Does…does Master wish for his hairs to be cut?" Mipsy asked.

"Yes, Master does not…I do not like having my hair this length. It's much too long. And I also don't care for the colour. So I was wondering if any of you could help me out with that?"

The creatures looked confusedly at one another for a moment before turning their eyes back to him. "Wes can make Master's hair shorter, and a different colours…if that be whats Master really wants," Mipsy said, casting a sideways glance at the other elves, who nodded their heads whilst wringing their hands.

"Excellent!" He said with a clap of his hands. "First off, the colour…can you make it light brown, please?"

Mipsy snapped her fingers. He felt a strange tickling sensation oh his head. Holding his hair out so he could see it, he noted it had indeed turned light brown as requested.

"Excellent job, Mipsy!" He beamed at the little creature. "Now, as for the length, I'd like it to be about right here." He held the edge of his hand where his head joined his neck. With another sideways glance at her fellow elves, Mipsy snapped her fingers once more. The tickling sensation returned for a moment, then nothing. He looked around for a mirror; seeing one on the wall just inside the door, he hurried over and glanced at his reflection.

"Perfect!" He exclaimed, turning around and grinning at Mipsy. "You did great! I almost want to give you a hug!"

Mipsy, who had a bashful smile on her face from his praise of the job she had done on his hair, gasped and began tugging her ears again, scurrying behind one of her fellow elves. "It be not right for Master to hugs Mipsy!"

But he was too busy admiring the head of close-cropped brown hair he now possessed to notice Mipsy's reaction. "Yes, this is perfect. I like it." The smile dropped from his face and was replaced with a frown. "I hope Narcissa and Draco will like it." He shrugged at his reflection, the grin retuning as he ran his hand through his hair. "Well, I like it at any rate. Absolute perfection."

He thanked the elves, and told them they could go back to whatever they had been doing. They disappeared at one, and he almost thought they were happy to be gone. The one named Lucy had never stopped crying the entire time. Why on earth are those munchkins so afraid of me? It bothered him, but he had no idea what to do about it, outside of asking Narcissa if she had any idea.

For the next two hours he prowled around the first floor, afraid to go too far away from the sitting room. He wanted to surprise Narcissa and Draco (he still couldn't bring himself to think of them as his wife and son…the concept was too weird for him), and he guessed that since they had originally disappeared in the sitting room, that's where they'd show back up.

He was stood looking out the window just before Three, when the fire roared up and turned green again. Grinning to himself for guessing correctly, he ducked behind a curtain. Waiting until he heard their voices, he jumped out from behind the curtain, shouting "SURPRISE!" as he did so.

For one Pico second, the look of shock on Narcissa's face was worth it. Until a streak of light was flying straight at his head. He barely had time to react when the streak of light just missed and hit the curtains behind him, blasting a hole in them.

He got as far as saying "What the f—" before another streak of light was heading his way. He dove behind the couch.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Narcissa yelled. "How did you get in here? What have you done with Lucius?"

"Stop that zapping, it's me! It's…Lucius!"

When no other zaps were forthcoming, he peeked over the top of the couch. Narcissa was glaring at him; she was holding what looked like a stick in front of her, pointing it at him. "Get up slowly," she growled.

Gulping, he stood from behind the couch with his hands slightly raised. "It's me!" He tried again.

Narcissa peered at him through squinted eyes. Then her mouth dropped open. "L-Lucius? Lucius, is that you?"

"Yep, it's me," he replied with a sheepish smile.

"What in Merlin's name have you done to your hair?!"

His smile grew. "I had one of the munchkins help me with it. What do you think?"

Narcissa's nose twitched in such a way that you would think the room stunk. "It's…different," she needlessly said.

His smile disappeared. "You don't like it?"

"I…didn't say that." Her voice was guarded.

He frowned. "Look, if you really don't like it, I can have the munchkins change it a bit. But I am not having them putting it back the way it was."

"Munchkins?" Narcissa frowned. "What are 'munchkins'?"

He blinked at her. "Well, wizards…you're a witch…these little weepy creatures running around the house…this definitely isn't Kansas…you know, munchkins." He paused and a frown covered his face. He glanced at the sky outside the window. "The weather isn't prone to tornadoes around here, is it?"

A frustrated sound escaped Narcissa. "Of course it isn't! Why on earth would you even ask that?"

"I—" Because I don't want a house to fall on you…he decided against pursuing the matter any further.

"Er, never mind. Silly question."

Mipsy appeared then to tell Narcissa that her tea guests had arrived. Narcissa turned back to face him. "I am sorry, Lucius. I know I promised to talk to you before the Parkinson's arrived. But we ran into Mary Greengrass at Fortescue's. She had the girls with her and we all talked far longer than we intended. But I do promise talk to you this evening."

She then turned and headed out of the room. Pausing in the doorway she faced him once again. "Umm, Lucius…would you mind perhaps not bothering us during tea? You'd be bored to tears anyway, with all the idle talk we'll most likely be engaging in."

"Make myself scarce, in other words?" He sighed.

"Well, no, it's just—" she began but stopped, guilt in her eyes as she looked away.

He gave her a sad smile. "It's alright, I understand. " He walked out of the room. As he passed her in the doorway, she reached out and gave him a gentle touch on his arm. "I promise, Lucius…I will tell you anything you want to know. Anything."

He held her gaze a moment, and saw nothing but raw honesty. She would not lie to him. He nodded. "Ok, I trust you."

The ghost of a smile flitted across her face and she gave his arm a squeeze.

He headed upstairs, pausing on the landing to look down as Narcissa went to greet her guests. Somehow, I know that she is an amazing woman. I just wish I knew how I knew that.

A/N: Chapter two…Filler? Maybe. Maybe not. You never know with me. Questions answered next chapter…thanks very, very much for reading, and I hope that at the very least you get a few minutes of enjoyment out of my stories. That's what really matters. That's why we're all here.

Lyrics from "Cut Your Hair" by One Bad Pig (yes, that's the name of an actual group…)