I roll my eyes as Moody turns his lecture on the properties of different magical shields into yet another lecture on fucking "gateway magic". It feels like he derails himself all the time to talk about how "dark magic is evil and if you get addicted it will ruin your life". If I didn't already use dark magic, I'd be tempted to start if only to prove him wrong.

"Blood trackers." Moody said. "Useful? Yes, but also definitively dark magic. Sure, you may be tempted to use them if you absolutely need to find someone in a pinch, but once you've felt that rush, it becomes easy to go back to it for its own sake. The best bet for your own safety is to never do it in the first place. Say no to Dark Magic!"

The class mumbles halfheartedly in response.

Moody turns back to the blackboard and starts writing out another example. "This one's interesting. It's a dark magic painkiller hex. It was invented so you could inflict mortal wounds on a person and they wouldn't be any the wiser. People could bleed out and never realise anything was wrong. Dangerous, yes, but surely it could be useful in the right hands? I was once friends with a healer who used this spell all the time to help ease the pain of some of the treatments she'd do. Seems fine, right?" He slams his fist onto his desk. "WRONG! She started to crave the rush it gave her, began using it when the patients weren't in pain, and it didn't take long for her to start branching out into more extreme stuff that she had no business doing. The last thing she did before she was arrested was use the cruciatus on a person she'd numbed. He died of complete nervous system failure after being kept under it for over an hour, never aware that anything was wrong until he died."

I strongly resist the urge to bash my head against the desk. This class was actually interesting until he went off about this.

"Let this be a warning to each of you." Moody finishes. "No matter how reasonable your cause may be, no matter how benign the spell may seem, all dark magic is dangerous. Even the simplest spell can be a gateway to use darker and crueller forms of dark magic, once that addiction sinks its claws in you. Never use dark magic, not even once. Of course, I'm going to be a hypocrite about this, but it's for your benefit. There's no class tomorrow, but each of you can optionally show up for extra credit. I'll be testing the ability of everyone who shows to throw off the imperius. Remember that I am a trained professional, and don't think my ability to use this curse means you can do so safely. Resisting that addiction is never easy, and I'm going to be taking the next several days off to give myself time to recover. Class dismissed!"

I sigh in relief as I leave the classroom and catch up with Ron. "Gods, I hate how long he goes on about that crap. 'Dark magic will ruin your life, blah blah blah'."

Ron laughs but schools his expression fairly quickly. "I mean, he does have a point, you know. Dad was telling me that a lot of people who use dark magic start doing it all the time. It's not like Moody's wrong."

"But he doesn't have to go on about it every single class!" I protest. "I'm pretty sure that we got the lesson after the first few times, but he keeps going on and on about it."

"Moody was a big believer in the idea that dark magic addiction is the source of most crime." Ron says. "My dad was telling me that a decade or two back, he was pushing super hard for Hogwarts to have dedicated seminars on how dangerous it could be. I think he called it, uh, 'Dark Arts Resistance Education'. The school board vetoed it, but I don't think he was happy about that, and he's probably trying to work it into his classes now."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Lupin. He might have been a werewolf who tried to kill me, but at least he didn't derail every lesson to go on about his passion project." I complain. Besides, with my track record, Moody might try to kill me too.

Thankfully, classes end early today, so Moody's lesson is the last one for the day. Ron and I make our way to the Great Hall, where we gather with the other students to prepare for the arrival of the other schools. I sit down at the Gryffindor table and wait as the other students trickle in.

Okay, I'm awake. Class is over now?

'Someday, I am going to force you into control of my body, and then you'll be the one who has to pretend to pay attention to one of Moody's bullshit lectures.'

Oh, but that wouldn't be fair! I would never deprive you of your education. You might learn something.

'All I've learned is that dark magic is evil, which I knew from the moment you started using it.'

Oh, and you've never done dark magic? You were the one who insisted on casting the imperius curse on Lupin.

'I never said I wasn't also evil.'

Tam laughs in the back of my head.

Have I mentioned how much I like you lately? Because I really do.

I feel my cheeks flush.

'You have, but I'm hardly going to complain if you keep saying it.'

Hermione sits down opposite me and Ron, once again using a book to avoid making eye contact with either of us.

What a bitch.

'Tam! Play nice!'

Don't act like she's in your good graces, either.

'I'm not going around calling her names, though. I just need to give her time to get over it.'

You don't even know what "it" is!?

'Whatever. I'm sure she'll get over herself sooner or later, and I'm not going to go around trying to make things worse in the meantime.'

Dumbledore claps his hands, gaining the attention of the room. "It seems that we are mostly gathered, so I would like to ask that each of the houses make their way outside, starting with Slytherin and moving across the Hall."

Alright, let's get this over with.

I'm not sure how I expected the delegations from the other schools to arrive, but it certainly wasn't like this. The Beauxbatons delegation arrives in a carriage pulled by giant flying horses-

Abraxans.

'What?'

The flying horses. They're called Abraxans. Abraxas Malfoy was named after them, or at least I assume he was.

'Wait, Malfoy's grandfather was named after a horse? That would explain Malfoy's looks.'

She laughs in the back of my head. As the students start to exit the carriage, I turn to Ron. "Is there a reason they came here like that? I mean, wouldn't it have been easier to just portkey to Hogsmeade and then walk?"

Ron shrugs. "Maybe they want to have their own space for this? I mean, it is a competition. Don't want the risk of anyone spying on them when they're practising."

I forget whatever I was about to say when I feel a distant but persistent buzz at the edge of my occlumency barriers. I instantly feel more alert as I try to figure out what it is, and eventually trace it to a member of the French delegation. Her hair is silver, not grey, but actual, metallic silver. But more than that is an ethereal quality about her appearance that I can't quite pin down. I don't know what sort of mind magic she's using, but evidently it's affecting more than just me — most of the male student body has their gaze locked on her, as do a decent portion of the girls.

"She's a veela…" Ron says, entranced.

I raise an eyebrow. "A what?"

"Blimey, didn't you see them at the world cup?" He says, snapping out of the worst of it. "They were the mascots for the Bulgarian team. You should have felt them if nothing else."

Tam must have been in control at the time, because I didn't notice a thing. "I was busy trying to butter up Fudge by letting him introduce me to foreign diplomats."

It would explain why he started drooling at one point, though. I thought he just went comatose from thinking too hard.

I laugh aloud, getting a weird look from Ron. "Sorry, I just realised that I might have noticed it affecting other people, but not me."

Ron shrugs and goes back to staring at her, his eyes glazing over once again. "She's beautiful…"

"Is she?" I try to move around the crowd to get a better look. "I mean, she's fine, I guess? She kind of looks… I dunno, ethereal? Otherworldly? She's not ugly, but she's not worth going crazy over." I poke Ron in the side, snapping him out of it again. "I think it's just the mind magic making you feel that way."

He blinks. "What mind magic?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure what it is, but it's coming from her, and I can feel it buzzing at the edge of my occlumency barriers. Can't you?"

"I don't have… Why do you know occlumency?" He asks.

"I value my privacy. Dumbledore already tried to read my mind once without my permission, and I don't want a repeat."

"Are you sure it was Dumbledore?"

"He was looking me right in the eye and admitted to it once I caught him. It happening one time is more than enough to justify learning it."

Ron looks skeptical for a moment, but nods. "Alright, I believe you. Dumbledore, though…"

While Ron and I were talking, the Durmstrang delegation arrived, the students making their way up from a boat that somehow made its way into the lake.

"Sweet baby Merlin, that's Viktor Krum!" Ron swears.

"What?" My head whips around, and sure enough, there's Viktor Krum, walking with the rest of the Durmstrang students. "I had no idea he was still in school."

Ron looks even more starstruck than when he was under the veela's thrall. "Do you know what this means, Harry? This means we get to spend a whole year at the same school as Viktor Krum!"

Definitely more excited than he was about the veela. "I mean, I guess that's cool. I wonder if he'll be the champion for the school?"

"I mean, he's got to be! He's Viktor Krum!"

The teachers slowly direct us back inside, the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students mixing with the other tables.

Ron looks positively distraught. "What's Krum doing sitting with the Slytherins!? He should be sitting over here with us!"

I roll my eyes, looking at the head table when Dumbledore claps to gain our attention. "We will be going over the rules and regulations for the tournament shortly, but for now, let the feast begin!"

While the assortment of food mostly looks like the stuff we get at the start and end of term feasts, there seem to be a few dishes from the areas of the other schools. I scoop inquisitively at a seafood soup of some kind before deciding against it and grabbing some sort of dumplings and digging in.

Oh, these are good. Very meaty.

Ron also takes to the dumplings as I move onto various other foods. It's nice to have this degree of variety for once, even if I'm wary of some of the options.

Once the desserts disappear, Dumbledore stands up. "Well, now that our appetites have been sated, it is time to go over the rules. First, though, let me introduce our panel of judges. First is myself, of course. For our visitors, I am Albus Dumbledore, a man of many titles, but my fondest is Headmaster of Hogwarts. Joining me will be the headmasters of the fellow schools, Igor Karkaroff of Durmstrang, and Olympe Maxime of Beauxbatons."

The two other headmasters stand up, and I find myself suddenly aware of Maxime's height now that she's standing — she's as tall as Hagrid.

"And in addition to the three of us are Bertha Jorkins, here on behalf of our Ministry's Games and Sports division-"

Ah, she's the woman whose mind I repaired. She stands up with a large grin on her face and waves excitedly.

"-And Percival Weasley, here on behalf of International Cooperation. May this year be as enjoyable for them as it is for all of us. Now, the champions will be chosen twenty-four hours from now, by an impartial judge. With that said, bring out the casket!"

'The what.'

That's macabre even by Dumbledore's standards.

Filch wheels out a large, jewelled chest, pushing it so it sat in front of the head table, then opened it and pulled out a large, ornate goblet. It was made of silver and wrought in iron, encrusted with jewels, and was filled with a large flame. The fire started white at the bottom and faded to blue and then purple and red as it rose higher. Even at this distance, I can tell that this thing is powerful. A small part of me is tempted to see if legilimency works, but every other part of me knows that that would be a very, very bad idea.

"Anyone who wishes to enter must write their name and school on a piece of parchment and put it into the flames. I will be personally placing an age line around the goblet to ensure that only students who are of age will be able to enter, and I do not encourage anyone to bypass this restriction — it is there for your safety. I also want to remind each and every one of you that entering this tournament is a commitment. Once you are entered, you will be legally and magically required to participate in each task, and you will be required to put forth your best effort in each one — a restriction placed on the goblet to prevent any entrants from being coerced into throwing the tournament. You will only be excused from the tasks if you are physically incapable of attending them."

'They're using this thing in a school!?'

It's Dumbledore. When has he cared about safety?

'Still…'

"Additional information about the tasks will be revealed tomorrow, after the Goblet has chosen the three champions. For now, off to bed!"

"I still think it's lame that they're only letting older students enter." Ron complains. "I mean, if the Goblet is impartial and all, then they should at least give us a chance."

"No fucking thank you." I say as I toss my dirty clothes in the hamper and throw on some pyjamas. "I mean, what if they forced everyone to enter to guarantee that the chosen champion was the best? I would have a non-zero chance of getting picked, and I don't want to deal with that. Besides, you heard what they said, right? You have to participate in each one, and you have to put in your best effort. I don't like being coerced like that."

"Yeah, but-"

"Ron, like I said before, if you want to try and find a way to get past Dumbledore's age line, then go ahead. I am going to stay nice and safely out of danger, for once in my life."

He huffs. "Right. Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight, Ron." I say as I close the curtains around my bed. I fall asleep quickly, appearing in my mindspace as usual, with Tam appearing around the same time.

"Some tournament, huh?" She gripes. "I can't believe that they're allowing this."

I lay down on my stomach and begin swinging my lower legs back and forth. "I still think it's nuts that Viktor Krum is here."

"I can't believe they allowed a veela here." Tam hisses.

"What's the deal with veela, anyway?" I ask.

Tam shrugs. "There's not much that is known about them — they're highly insular and protective of their history. We know that they, like goblins, are demihumans, and we know that they're avian seductresses of some kind."

"Seductresses?"

"Veela are always women." She explains. "And you felt that mind magic. Veela automatically project a mind magic aura that makes anyone attracted to women consider them the hottest person in the room. If you hadn't studied occlumency, then you'd have been pulled under her thrall, too."

I blink. "And they're allowing her into a school full of hormonal teenagers?"

"Exactly! You see the problem, right?"

I shrug. "I mean, we're immune, so I don't see what the big deal is. Who cares what those other idiots do?"

Tam sighs and slumps against an invisible wall. "I suppose you're right, though I am worried about potential collateral damage that would involve us in some way."

I sit down next to her and grin. "Come on, we'll be fine. What's the worst she could do — be pretty at us until we give in? You know we're better than that."

She laughs. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We've got bigger concerns than that jumped up hussy."

Possibly against our better judgement, Tam and I do show up to Moody's imperius resistance course. The only other students from our year who showed up are Ron, Hermione, Susan, Malfoy of all people, and some blonde Slytherin girl whose name I never bothered to remember. I also recognise Katie, as well as that weird girl Luna, but I don't know any of the other students. They're mostly upper years, which is hardly surprising — I doubt most younger students want their teacher using illegal mind control on them. The attending students are also disproportionately Gryffindors, which I suppose also makes sense.

'So, you're certain about this?'

As certain as I can be. There's no way Moody can force us to do anything that would get us in trouble, not with so many witnesses. And if he tries to get you to disclose anything about me, then the oath will stop you. The oath is stronger than the imperius, thankfully.

'And if he tries to make me say something else incriminating?'

Then I take over. You can't say something if you're not in control.

I move over to Ron. "I'm surprised how few people from our year showed up."

"S'not too surprising, really." He says. "I mean, Moody has, uh, a 'reputation'. I don't think there would even be this many people here if it wasn't for the extra credit."

"I thought the Ravenclaws would be here for the credit alone."

Ron laughs. "No offence to the 'claws, but bravery isn't exactly their strong suit. Hell, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't a Gryffindor and he wasn't offering extra credit. I think Moody knew that if he didn't offer the extra credit, only the really crazy people would show up."

I neglect to mention that I wasn't even thinking about the extra credit when I decided to attend.

Moody hobbles out of the office in the back of the classroom and looks us over. "This everyone? Alright, let me give you a rundown on how this is going to be done. I'm going to be moving around the room, casting the spell at random on one of you, until each of you has had a few goes at it. Remember that I won't be casting this at full power, for all of our sakes. Many of the things I'm going to ask you to do are likely to be embarrassing, as it will help you throw off the curse more easily. Rest assured that I'll stop you if it looks like anything is going to go too far. Now let's begin! Imperio!"

He aims right at Malfoy, who looks dazed for a brief moment before shifting back to his usual expression.

"Do a little jig for us, Malfoy!" Moody shouts gleefully as Malfoy starts to do a ridiculous dance.

He holds the spell for a minute, with Malfoy making no ability to resist, before moving onto the next one. He passes through several of the upper years before casting it on Katie.

"Strip naked, lass!"

Katie's face lights up. "Okay!"

"Okay, you can stop right there." He says the moment she starts to pull her robes up. "I at least expected you to try to resist that…"

Katie looks confused. "Why would I not want to get naked?"

Moody mutters something about exhibitionism and points his wand at me. "Imperio!"

A surprisingly pleasant haze comes over my senses. It doesn't feel as good as actually casting the imperius, but it does feel good.

"Tell me your biggest secret, Potter."

That's an interesting idea, and it certainly doesn't take much thought to figure out what my biggest secret is.

Harry, resist the curse.

'Hold on one second, Tam. I'm doing something.'

I pause for a moment, feeling out the boundaries of what the oath will let me say before shaking my head. "I can't. Is there something else I could tell you?"

Harry, throw it off!

'Why?'

Because he's mind controlling you!?

'Oh. Okay?'

Throw it off!

'I think it's only fair that he asks me a question that I can answer first. Just give me a moment, then I'll throw it off.'

Oh my gods, this was an awful idea…

"That's not you resisting the curse…" Moody mutters. "You actually can't tell me. Why is that, I wonder?"

Oh, I can mostly answer this one. "Because in the summer after my second year I-"

Nope! Sorry, Harry!

Tam forcefully rips me out of control of my body, thankfully disrupting the hold the spell had on my mind in the process. It hurt, but it was definitely better than the alternative.

'Oh my gods, what was I…?'

Thank fuck this didn't go any further. We should probably get out of her quickly before-

Moody laughs. "You actually threw it off! Do it again! Imperio!"

Oh shit!

'Oh fuck…'

Tam getting his with the curse was absolutely not something we planned for.

"Alright, 'Potter', what's the biggest secret you can tell me?"

Oh, that one's easy.

'Tam, no!'

Relax, Harry. It's all fine.

'No it's fucking not!'

Tam giggles, grins, and puts my hand on my hip. "Do you even have to ask, it's obviously that I'm the Dar-"

'Oh no you fucking don't!'

I yank Tam out of control and stagger as I retake control of my body. I take several deep breaths to stop myself from panicking about how close that was.

'Are you okay, Tam?'

I'm… I'm fine.

She doesn't sound fine in the slightest, but I know better than to push her.

"Wonderful job Potter, although I think your approach might have been a little… unconventional. Take a break for now."

Moody moves on to the other students, leaving me to process that close call.

This was a mistake. This was such a fucking mistake. Why did we try to do this? Oh my gods, he had us completely under his control, and he knows. He was trying to get us to admit it when we had no way to resist. Is he reporting to Dumbledore? Does Dumbledore know? Is he just biding his time until he-

'Tam, calm down.'

But-!

'But nothing. Listen to me, Tam. Even if Dumbledore knows, and if he told Moody, both of which are pretty fucking big "ifs", then freaking out won't do us any good. You said before that you have safehouses that no one, not even Voldemort, knows about. If the absolute worst comes about, then we can always evacuate to one of them.'

And if we're attacked unaware?

'We'll manage. It's not like I've ever struggled to come out on top.'

Um, actually…

I roll my eyes.

'Fine. "Except when I fought you in the Chamber." Happy?'

I guess. I'm still not comfortable with the fact that we have to rely on each other to snap out of it.

'Better than everyone else. I mean, no one else has been able to throw it off.'

I watch as Moody aims his wand at Luna. "Imperio! Lass, do a handstand and walk to the other side of the room."

I watch as Luna puts her hands on the floor, then hesitates. She pulls her hands up, then puts them down again, repeating this process until she stops and shivers. "Sorry, but the voices in my head say that's not a good idea."

'What.'

Are you fucking kidding me? She's the first one to throw it off? The insane third year!?

'Well, it at least seems like "voices in our heads" is an effective way to throw off the imperius.'

Shut up, Harry.

"Is that really the best you lot can manage?" Moody yells at the rest of the class. "Can no one besides Potter and Lovegood throw it off!? Let's try something different." He aims his wand at Ron. "Imperio. Weasley, what's your worst fear?"

"Spiders." Ron says without hesitation.

"I can work with that." He conjures an enormous spider and has it scuttle over to Ron. "Pick that up and put it on your head."

Ron leans down and gets as far as grabbing the spider before he begins shaking uncontrollably.

"Pick it up, lad." Moody insists.

Still shaking, Ron grabs the spider and lifts it off the ground, before his eyes widen and he shrieks, sending it flying through the air. I whip out my wand and dispel it before it lands on me. Ron seems to have come to his senses and is currently hyperventilating in a corner.

…I think that Moody might be a bad person.

'Aren't we bad people?'

No, we're evil. There's a difference.

Moody has moved onto Katie and is currently arguing with her quite extensively.

"Isn't there anything you find embarrassing?"

Katie shrugs. "Humiliation isn't really my kink, you know? I just don't see why people have to be ashamed of this kind of stuff. I'm not."

"How about fear, then? What are you afraid of?"

"My homophobic grandmother's political beliefs."

Moody points a scarred finger at her. "You, lass, are impossible. I hope you enjoy slaving away under someone else's control."

Katie looks pensive for a moment. "That sounds kind of hot, actually."

Moody's fake eye stops whizzing around just so he can roll it with his normal one. "Merlin help me."

I'm surprised when Tam takes control of my body and begins stretching.

'Everything okay?'

Yeah, I was just feeling tense.

'…How? You don't have a body?'

Psychosomatic, probably. What's weird is that stretching your body helps it go away, but whatever works works, I guess.

Tam's still stretching when Moody points his wand at us. I try to force myself into control before Moody has a chance to cast the spell, but he's absurdly fast.

"Imperio."

I feel the curse hit us just as I'm taking control, but before Tam has fully left. For a brief moment, I'm scared that I made things even worse by causing us to both be under its effects at the same time, but as our personalities slowly settle into equilibrium, we realise that it's not the same as before — we can feel the curse affecting us, a buzzing haze of magic seeping into our mind.

"Any other interesting secrets to tell us, Potter?"

We look up at him. The temptation to speak is there, but we can feel it now, and we can resist it. "'No.'"

He raises his one good eyebrow. "No?"

"I said 'no!' Now 'get out' of 'our head!'"

With both of us in control, throwing off the magic is trivial. Why didn't we consider doing this in the first place?

Probably because the risk of failure was even higher.

'Fair point.'

'It's good to know that we have this as an option, though.'

We pull our personalities apart, until it's me alone in control of my body.

I'm torn between feeling like relying on this can only be a bad idea, but that it's so useful that we have to do it.

'I think we'll be fine so long as we're vigilant.'

I know, but with the soul bleed…

'I'm pretty sure that this is a symptom, not a cause. We can do this because we've bled into each other, but it's not making it worse.'

Uuugh. I know you're probably right, but still. I feel like we're playing with fire here.

I roll my eyes.

'We're better than that. We just need to be vigilant about cleaning up.'

I guess you're right.

I open my eyes and see the entire class staring at me. "What?"

"Impressive work throwing that off, lad." Moody says. "You dispelled it through sheer force of will. Mind if I ask how you managed that?"

I grin at him. "It's a secret."

He gives a barking laugh. "Fair enough. Let's see if the rest of you have any chance of pulling that off."

Hermione continues to stare at me even as Moody moves onto the other students, her gaze only breaking when Moody casts the imperius on her and tries to have her act like an idiot. Against my better judgement, I laugh at the sight. It would be the funniest thing I'd seen all day if Moody didn't turn his wand on Malfoy and make him start shouting pro-muggle beliefs while prancing about.

Eventually, Moody turns his wand back on Katie and casts the imperius on her once again. "Alright, lass, let's try this. Swear yourself to monogamy."

Katie's eyes open in horror and she physically pulls herself back. "Absolutely not!"

Moody just laughs. "Knew I'd find something that'd piss you off eventually." He takes a deep breath. "I'm getting to the point where I really want to continue, which means we should probably call it quits here. I want each and every one of you to remember that this class was for defensive purposes only. I am a licensed professional, and I would like to remind you that normally, casting this spell on a person is a life sentence in Azkaban."

That's… very specific, actually. I raise my hand. "Professor, if it's only a life sentence for casting it on a person, does that mean that it's legal to cast it on an animal?"

He gives me a skeptical look. "It is legal to use on non-human, non-Being creatures if you're in a life-or-death situation. Same with the killing curse, but not the cruciatus. That one's always illegal to use on everything. Bear in mind that being 'legal' doesn't mean I'd recommend this in any way. Stick with less dangerous forms of magic if your life depends on it. Is that understood?"

I nod, despite having no intention of doing what he says. I'm just glad to know that I have something to fall back on in case of an emergency.

"This is outrageous!" Malfoy complains, despite the fact that there's no one around who cares. "I thought he was supposed to be going easy on us! This is an outrage! No one should be able to control a Malfoy so easily!"

"Watch your tongue, Malfoy." Moody snaps. "Or do I need to remind you that the only reason that your daddy isn't in jail is because he was famously unable to resist being mind controlled?"

Malfoy's face goes pale, earning laughs from everyone else.

"All of you get out of here." Moody barks. "And no classes from me for the next week. Tell the others."

Ron and I leave the classroom together, Hermione trailing behind, as we make our way to the Great Hall together. There are still a few hours before the champions will be picked, but Fred and George have been plotting a way to get their names into the Goblet, and that's a catastrophe that I want to watch unfold.

"I can't believe him!" Katie complains as she keeps pace with me. "Trying to make me do monogamy of all things. Harry, I hope you kill this professor too."

I blink slowly. "Katie, the only professor I killed was Quirrell."

"Yeah, but you got Lockhart in the permanent spell damage ward and Lupin is now a fugitive, so, you know… Feel free to work your magic."

"It's not like I do it on purpose…" I mutter. "Maybe if the professors stopped trying to kill me, this wouldn't happen."

She swings an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. "Don't worry, Harry! I believe in you!"

"Your confidence in my ability to ruin the lives of our defence teachers is appreciated." I deadpan.

The Great Hall is much busier than it normally is outside of mealtimes. I make my way to the Gryffindor table, watching as the Durmstrang delegation makes their way out of the hall.

"I bet Krum's going to be the champion for Durmstrang." Ron says without prompting.

"We don't even know who the other Durmstrang students are. One of them might be better."

Ron looks at me like I just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard, and given some of the things that come out of his mouth, that's impressive. "But he's Viktor Krum."

"…Right." That's not even worth arguing with. My gaze drifts down the table where Fred and George are attempting to convince Hermione that their plan to get past the age line with ageing potion is, in fact, brilliant. I nudge Ron with my elbow. "Your brothers are about to make fools of themselves — you might want to watch."

He perks up. "What's going on?"

"They're going to try to bypass an age line with an ageing potion. Age lines are made specifically to block that kind of stuff, which means they're going to bumble into whatever traps Dumbledore set for them."

"And you're not going to stop them?"

I grin. "And miss out on the show? Besides, you know you want to see this too."

"Damn right I do." Ron says as he turns around on the bench to get an ideal view.

I watch with rapt attention as Fred and George each swallow a drop of the potion and step across the age line, eliciting a loud cheer from all of the spectators.

Ron leans over to me. "I thought you said-"

"Give it a moment." I interrupt.

"See?" One of the twins says as he pulls a piece of parchment out of his pocket. "I told you that this would-"

A large shockwave erupts from the pedestal beneath the goblet, sending Fred and George flying back to the Entrance Hall but leaving everything else untouched.

Ron laughs loudly. "Serves you two right!"

I just want this ceremony to be over so we can get back to work on our blood alchemy. I do want a body of my own as soon as possible.

'What makes you bring that up?'

Becoming a part of a gestalt consciousness is existentially disorienting.

I laugh, earning me some odd looks.

'Well, at least now we know we can probably use it safely. It's already saved us on two occasions.'

Much as I hate to say it, you're right. It's too useful to not use.

'I think it's to be expected, though. I mean, we do make a good team.'

Yeah, we really do.

When the last of the food disappears, Dumbledore stands up and dims the lights to gain everyone's attention. "Hello, one and all, and let me take this occasion to formally welcome each and every person in attendance to the official start of the Triwizard Tournament. The Goblet of Fire will be making its decision shortly, so I would like to ask our champions that when your name comes out of the Goblet, you make your way through the door behind the staff table." The Goblet sputters behind him, its flame diminishing and flaring for a second. "And it appears that it is now time."

The Goblet sputters again, the flames erupting in pure crimson, as it emits a shriek so loud that it feels like the Goblet is screaming. A piece of parchment is launched from the fire, and Dumbledore grabs it out of the air with practised ease.

"The Champion for Durmstrang… is Viktor Krum!"

That causes cheers to rise throughout the Great Hall, and it's not just the Durmstrang students cheering.

"I told you!" Ron says. "I told you it would be him!"

I can't keep the amused smile off my face at his antics. "You know, Ron, I think we're supposed to be cheering for Hogwarts, not our rival school."

"I guess… but it's Viktor Krum, Harry!"

"So you've said."

"Quiet down!" Dumbledore shouts as the Goblet screeches again and launches another piece of parchment. "The champion for Beauxbatons is Fleur Delacour."

Apparently, Fleur Delacour is the veela student, and her nomination as a champion attracts similar applause from all the students, although hers seems to be mostly coming from the male members of the student body.

"And lastly…" The Goblet flares one last time, screaming as another parchment is jettisoned from the flame. "…The champion for Hogwarts is Cedric Diggory!"

'The Hufflepuff seeker?'

A Hufflepuff!? Wow, standards really have dropped.

'Oh my gods, Tam…'

I have to say, some part of me was worried that your name would come out.

'How would that even be possible? I didn't even enter."

I don't know! I'm starting to wonder if maybe-

The Goblet flares once again, wailing as a fourth parchment is launched into the air before the fire extinguishes itself.

'You have got to be…'

Dumbledore grabs the parchment from the air and reads out the name. "Harry Potter…"

'Are you-'

Fucking-

"'Kidding me!'" We hiss.

Everyone in the Great Hall is staring at us, but we're far too angry to care about the attention. Tam and I try to pull ourselves apart, but we're both too furious to achieve much success on that front. Dumbledore calls our name again, so we get up and walk over to him, still simmering in rage.

"'I don't suppose you have an explanation for this' fucking travesty, do you?"

Dumbledore doesn't answer, only gesturing to the door the other champions went through.

I glare at him but decide it's not worth it to fight him about it here. "Fine, but 'we will be having words' about this later."

We try to calm ourself down as we step through the door, with mixed results. Tam manages to calm herself down somewhat, enough that she can somewhat pull away from me, though I remain as livid as ever. I couldn't have one fucking year, could I?

"Potter?" Diggory asks once we step inside. "Do they want us back in the Great Hall, or…?"

"Unfortunately, it seems to be 'or' in this case."

Delacour is watching us with a haughty expression, still leaned against the wall where she was when we entered. Krum looks like he's about to ask a question, but the sound of the door opening interrupts him. I look to see all of the judges, plus Snape and McGonagall, entering the room.

"Well this is certainly unusual!" Bertha Jorkins says excitedly when she enters the room. "Ladies, or, uh, lady and gentlemen, for reasons that we are currently investigating, Harry Potter has been selected as the fourth Triwizard Champion!"

"You must be joking." The frenchwoman drawls, her accent thick. "He's a child — he has no place in a tournament such as this."

"I'm just short!" I hiss through gritted teeth. "I might be younger than you, but I'm no child."

She looks down at me dismissively. "And you are how old?"

"Fourteen, but-"

"A child, then."

Forget about her, Harry. It's not worth it.

'Ugh… fine.'

I shoot Delacour one last glare, but her previously dismissive expression has been replaced with one full of… I can't quite place the emotion, but hatred seems to be the closest one I can come up with. She mutters something in French, then looks away from me.

"The question," Dumbledore began, "Is how did Mister Potter's name come out of the Goblet?"

"That's what I'd like to know." I say. "I certainly didn't enter myself."

"And you expect us to believe that?" Maxime asks. "How else could it have gotten in there?"

"And how was I supposed to have done that?" I counter. "I'm only fourteen, so I couldn't get past the age line. Besides, I thought there were only supposed to be three champions, so why would it pick a fourth? I wouldn't even know where to start with that."

"Mister Potter and his friends have always been troublemakers of the highest degree." Percy says. "So I do find it easy to believe that he'd find some way to do it."

"Your brothers would have had a better chance than me, and I didn't see them succeeding. And unlike me, they wanted to enter."

Percy pushes his glasses up on his face to try and hide his blush. "Look, Mister Potter, I don't know what you're playing at by interfering in this, but I can assure you that-"

"Bah, who cares!" Karkaroff interrupts. "If the boy wants to kill himself in this competition, then let him!"

"I was talking!" Percy says, trying to hold in his anger.

"Ah yes, and who are you again?" Karkaroff asks.

"I am Percival Weasley, and I was the undersecretary to Barty Crouch senior before his unfortunate death. With the department of international Cooperation currently having no one to lead it, the major duties have been divided among the various staff members."

"And you, being the least important person, got shunted to the duty no one else wanted. That makes sense."

"I'll have you know that-!"

"Children!" Dumbledore says, cutting him off. "We can save the squabbles for later. For now, we must determine what we are to do about this."

"While I am remiss to agree with Potter about anything," Snape drawls, "I do believe that he didn't put his name in the goblet. Despite his many, many flaws, his suicidal impulses rarely take this sort of form. Besides…" He looks down at me. "Potter doesn't have anywhere near the talent he'd need to pull off a caper like this."

"Fuck you too, Snape." I reply.

Bertha's eyes flit between the various people in the room. "I really think we ought to wait until we find out what exactly went wrong with the Goblet. I mean, for an artefact like that to go wrong…"

The door slams open, revealing Moody, Goblet in hand. "'Goes wrong' doesn't even begin to cover it. Look here!" He says, pointing to a seemingly random part of the Goblet.

Jorkins hisses and even Dumbledore's eyes go wide in shock. I don't see anything amiss. "Care to enlighten me what exactly is wrong?"

Bertha waves her hand excitedly. "Ooh, I know this one! Okay, so, the Goblet of Fire wasn't actually made by humans, but was an artefact used by the ruling court of the Fair Folk to select which among their human captives would be sacrificed during their seasonal ceremonies. During the War of the Eternal Winter, it was stolen from the Fair Folk by an alliance of human and goblin warriors. The Goblet proved to be indestructible to any methods known at the time, but the goblins were able to restrict the artefact's power by forging bindings of cold iron to selectively cut off its power. The goblins wanted to suffocate it completely and seal it away for good, but the humans wanted to harness the now bound Goblet for their own purposes, which led to history's first known human-goblin conflict."

What the actual fuck.

"Even I didn't know all that, lass." Moody says suspiciously. "Where did you learn that?"

"Binns's seventh year history class. I was the only one who took the NEWT level course."

Moody scoffs. "Right, that would explain it."

"I'm sorry." I interrupt. "But can we go back to the point where the Goblet is apparently an immensely powerful Faerie artefact that's kept imprisoned through goblin bindings, and you decided to use it to enter children in a death tournament!?"

"The whole point of this year's revived tournament was that the entrants wouldn't be children." Percy says. "Besides, using the Goblet of Fire for the Triwizard Tournament is traditional."

'I am going to murder each and every one of these idiots.'

No fair! I want to kill some of them too.

"The problem," Moody interrupts, "Is that one of the bindings here has been slightly loosened. Not enough to fully unbind it in any way, but just enough that it could be coerced into selecting a fourth champion. This is not only beyond Potter's ability, but I think it's even beyond mine — that cold iron was meant to be near indestructible. While the Goblet should be safe enough to use until the end of the tournament, I think we need to call in the Department of Mysteries about this. The last thing we want is it throwing more curveballs at us or, gods forbid, the bindings unravelling further."

"So what you're saying is that I have to compete." I say. "I have to compete because some arsehole fucked around with a godsdamned Faerie artefact and entered me against my will."

"It seems so." Moody says, his gaze locked on the Goblet, like he expects it to jump someone. Then again, that might not even be a complete impossibility.

"Rather convenient, isn't it?" Karkaroff says. "That we can't remove you from this even if we wanted to?"

"What part of 'this is beyond Potter' didn't get through your thick skull, Karkaroff?" Moody scoffs.

"I simply think it unfair that Hogwarts gets two champions." Karkaroff insists. "I demand that we each be allowed to enter an additional champion."

"The Goblet of Fire has already gone out." Dumbledore says. "And it cannot be relit until the twentieth of December, on the day before Yule, by which time the first task will already have passed."

"Besides, I'm not sure I trust that thing with my students anymore." Maxime adds. "If it can already be coerced like this, what's to stop it from doing worse things to my students? See sense in this Karkaroff. I am not pleased with this either, but I can see that it's in our best interest not to push this any further."

He grumbles but doesn't say anything.

"So we're all in agreement?" Bertha asks. "Lovely! Now then, the first task in the tournament will take place on the twenty fourth of November, and is designed to test your daring and cunning! You cannot bring anything but your wand, and we cannot tell you anything about the nature of the task itself. If you want to learn what you're up against, you'll need to do so on your own. Remember that tournament judges and organisers are not permitted to disclose anything about the tournament or the tasks, nor are they allowed to provide any direct training or aid to the champions. I know that we're all aware of these rules, but I think it important that we're all reminded of them given that we are potentially dealing with a rogue Fair Folk artefact! Well, I think we'd all best get a good night's rest so we can start getting ready for the tournament. Go Triwizard!"

Everyone starts leaving the room, starting with the other schools, but not before Karkaroff and Delacour each send me a glare. Moody, Snape, and Dumbledore seem to be discussing what to do with the Goblet, and Percy's getting roped into their discussion.

I leave the room, feeling a tap on my shoulder just as I step into the Great Hall. I look behind me to see Bertha Jorkins, still smiling. "I hope you don't mind the interruption, but I wanted to wish you good luck in the tournament."

"I'd rather not be in it at all…" I complain.

She just shrugs. "Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way. I'm sure if you asked Ludo, then he wouldn't have wanted to die at Barty Crouch Junior's hands, but he still threw himself in the way of that killing curse to keep Fudge safe. You may not have chosen to be in this tournament, but remember that you still have to try your hardest in each task, and honestly? I think your odds of winning aren't half bad. I can't offer any help to you, of course, but I believe in you! Go Hogwarts!"

I have no idea how this woman seems to be so happy and to have so much energy. "Right. I need to get back to my common room for now… I think I'll need a lot of sleep after all this."

"Take care, Harry!" She says, giving another cheerful wave.

'You doing okay, Tam?'

I'm angry about this. It's not only unnecessarily dangerous, but it's also going to severely cut into our alchemy time. I was really hoping that I could get a body by this summer, but that doesn't seem to be an option…

'We've managed before, and we'll manage now. It'll be way more annoying, but it's nothing we can't handle.'

Yeah, of course.

I've just entered the Grand Staircase when I hear a whisper coming from my left. "Harry! Harry! Over here!"

My wand whips into my hand on reflex before I recognise the voice as Ron's. "Where are you?"

He pulls my invisibility cloak off, revealing him and Hermione. "Sorry for taking the cloak without asking, but the common room is a mess right now, and we wanted to check in on you before dealing with all of them. Is everything-"

"Correction." Hermione says, cutting him off. "Ron wanted to check in on you. I wanted to hear what you have to say for yourself."

My eyes narrow. "What do you mean 'what I have to say for myself'? I didn't enter myself in this tournament, if that's what you're implying."

"Is that so?" She says coolly. "I might have believed you if you'd told me that two years ago, but now? I find it hard to believe that the same Harry Potter who rubs noses with upper class politicians wouldn't take an opportunity to further his fame. The same Harry Potter who bribes politicians to get what he wants."

"If Fudge is corrupt, then I may as well take advantage of it." I say defensively. "It's not like he's going to become uncorrupt if I don't bribe him."

Hermione sneers. "That, Harry, is what the muggles call a 'logical fallacy', not that you'd have any interest in anything to do with muggles."

I cross my arms. "Of course not. Why do you care?"

Hermione lunges forward and slaps me before clutching my robes. "I care, Potter, because my parents are muggles! I care because it was my home before the magical world was! I care because for all its flaws, it's still a better place than this festering cesspool of bigotry! I care because I refuse to bury my head in the sand!"

"Muggles are a bigger threat to us than anyone else!"

"Mages are a bigger threat to us than anyone else!" She counters. "Because I may be a witch, but I was raised a muggle first and foremost!"

"You think your parents really accept you!?" I yell. "You think they act nice out of the goodness of their hearts!? They're probably terrified of you but don't dare try to do anything about it! You can't possibly know their true thoughts! You can't, but I can. Give me a chance to work a little legilimency and I can tell you how they really feel!"

Her face flashes in anger before she shoves me back, sending me sprawling on the ground. "I am not letting you anywhere near my parents, and you're insane if you think I'd trust you anywhere near them!"

I push myself upright. "Why, because you're afraid that I'm right?"

"No, because I don't know what you'd do when you find out that you aren't. You might have gotten unlucky by having to deal with the Dursleys, but you can't possibly judge every muggle based on that."

"Or maybe you just got lucky. Your parents might have acted accepting, but how about everyone else? Let's see…"

I dive into her mind and start picking my way through her memories until I find the ones specifically relating to her childhood bullying, and goodness are there a lot of them.

"Oh, don't sit with Hermione!" I say, repeating the words of her bullies. "She's got awful cooties! Hermione's such a know-it-all, she just has to prove that she's the best! Hermione's a teacher's pet because she knows no one else will like her! Hermione can't do anything right unless it's in a book, for someone so smart she sure is-"

Hermione's face contorts into an expression of pure rage and I find myself thrown out of her mind. In the time it takes me to recover, she's aimed her wand at me. "Those memories are private, you utter arsehole! I am done dealing with your bullshit, do you hear me! Fuck you and fuck your bigotry!" She turns around and begins marching up the stairs, tapping herself on the head with her wand to turn herself invisible.

"That… bitch." I hiss out through gritted teeth.

So now it's fine to call her a bitch?

'Yes. Yes, it absolutely is.'

Noted.

I turn to Ron, who's standing there with his mouth agape. Eventually, he turns to me and stammers. "I-I'm so sorry, I didn't know that she would… she didn't mention any of this to me, I swear!"

I rub my forehead to try and relieve the oncoming headache from my legilimency probe backfiring. "I believe you. I didn't exactly see any of that coming either."

"Yeah, let's, uh, I guess we should start making our way back to the common room. We can talk under the cloak while we go up there."

"Let's just sneak right up to the dorm, while we're at it." I offer. "I really don't want to deal with people after that."

"Right." The two of us make our way under the cloak and begin awkwardly walking up the stairs. That said, it is easier with only the two of us…

"Ugh, what a headache…" I groan.

"So, um, I've got loads of questions, but are you actually a legilimens?" Ron asks.

"Yes." I reply honestly, before fudging the truth a bit. "I'm a natural legilimens. It's an ability I came into last summer. I spent a lot of time finding random people to use legilimency on to get the hang of it."

"I see… Are… are muggles really that bad?"

"Yes." I reply without hesitation. "You look inside of a few hundred muggles' heads and it paints a very grim picture. Hermione's deluding herself if she thinks they're worth standing up for."

Ron hesitates. "I've never met any muggles besides the ones you live with, so…"

"They're more outwardly nasty than most, but pretty par for the course overall." I reply

"And, uh, just to confirm, you didn't put your name in the Goblet, right? I didn't think you would after all that complaining, but…"

"I didn't put my name in that damn Goblet!"

"Easy, mate! I believe you, but I just wanted to be sure."

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "Sorry, it's just… not been a good day. Apparently someone had to mess with the enchants on the Goblet to get me entered, and it's a big enough deal that the Department of Mysteries is getting involved."

I hear Ron make a sharp inhale. "That's… yikes. Those people only deal with some serious stuff. What the hell kind of object is the Goblet of Fire if it warrants their intervention?"

"I honestly don't think you want to know." I say. Hell, I'm not sure I'd have wanted to know.

Come to think of it…

"Hey Ron, have you ever heard of anyone taking NEWT history classes with Binns?"

"And willingly spend two more years with that bore? Hardly. I mean, I'm sure it's happened at some point, but I've never heard of it."

Harry?

'Just something worth considering, I guess.'

A/N (Tendra): This scene. This fucking scene. I have been dying to write this scene for literal years. As I'm sure fans of my work have gathered, I am a big fan of role reversals for various tropes, and early on in my conception for Departure from the Diary, I realised that this fic would be perfect for a situation in which Hermione doesn't believe Harry about the Goblet but Ron does. The heated argument was all I had hoped it would be, with a continual escalation between the two until that bridge is completely burned. There is no greater satisfaction than finally getting to write a scene that I have had planned for so long.

+1 bridges burned!

I absolutely adore the "Harrelyn" gestalt consciousness. It has all of their strengths, and all of their weaknesses, tied up in a complex mind-merge. It's even worse at subtlety than Harry and Tam are on their own, too, the way it keeps openly referring to itself as "we". In case you're wondering, the currently known methods for bringing out Harrelyn are: Harry and Tam forcing themselves into control at the same time, both Harry and Tam experiencing the same heightened emotion, and being hit with powerful mind magic while they're switching control.

I kept pestering my girlfriend for ideas about the Goblet (whether I should keep the canon appearance, the colour of the flames, etc), and this spiralled into it being an imprisoned Fair Folk artefact kept bound through goblin-wrought cold iron. The flames of the goblet are red at the top because the iron is causing it to constantly bleed into the fire, and it is screaming in pain every time it chooses a champion. If this sounds horrifying, then yay! I succeeded!

I did tone up the DARE vibes in Moody's lesson for humour in this chapter, but rest assured that it's far from all that we'll see of Moody. I don't plan for it to be any more over the top than this chapter already was.

I do think that the imperius resistance scene, while not necessarily the funniest scene I've ever written, is the funniest one in this fic. I kept giggling as I wrote it.

I have experimented with accents multiple times across my fics, and I've never been happy with it, so I'm axing Fleur's phonetic accent from the story. It wasn't even a good French accent in canon, and fanfiction rarely does a better job with it.

Departure from the Diary now has a TV Tropes page! I am really, really proud of that accomplishment, so thanks to Ecgwynn for making the page!

While I am sure that many of you have appreciated the regular update schedule for the past several weeks, this is probably going to be the last of it for a little bit. I really do need to prioritise getting ready for my move for the next few weeks, and that's going to consume most of my time. Hopefully I can do more writing there, as my girlfriend, being a fellow fic writer, can help keep me on task. Join the discord server for updates on this! 6YwQewK

E/N (Xgenje): BRO. I HJAVE BEEN WATIING FOR THIS SCEBNE FOR AGESSSSSSSSS.

ALL OF MY HYPE.

On a more serious note…. HYPE, er, I mean, I have heard The Master Plans. And it is everything I have hoped it would be. But knowing Ten I half expected Cedric to be replaced with Hermione. And to 1saaa, "Wait Patiently~"

E/N (MANNAT): This chapter was an absolute GEM. I was so enthralled throughout the entire chapter that I had to reread it to check for mistakes and probably still missed stuff LOL. The goblet and ensuing scene was absolutely phenomenal, not to MENTION the breakup with Hermione. I really liked the subtle inquiries that Ron had with Harry and while it's tough to think that he would just accept Harry's issues with muggles as easily as he does, it makes sense given what we know about his experience with muggles and friendship with Harry. I can't wait to see how the rest of this turns out and am just absolutely loving this fic.