Chapter 12 - Peace Of Mind

Kurt looked up and saw two people walking towards him, people he had never seen before, accompanied by Steve Rogers. Kurt relaxed a little when he saw Steve's easy smile pointed in his direction, which offset the blankness on the faces of his guests.

"You got a minute, Kurt?"

Kurt smiled. "I'm quite busy being swamped with internal guilt at the moment, but I can make some time for you. Please, sit down."

Steve chose to linger by the door, folding his arms in his natural protective stance.

The woman smiled as she sat down. "Kurt Hummel, I'm Agent Daisy Johnson and this is Agent Grant Ward. We're with S.H.I.E.L.D."

Kurt nodded. He knew to be expecting some movement from S.H.I.E.L.D based on the prior conversations he'd been having with everyone since he was found out, even from before then when he was finding it difficult to maintain his emotional equilibrium. "Nice to meet you both."

"Likewise," Daisy said. "What do you know about what happens to you now?"

Kurt looked between them and then to Steve. "Sort of nothing. I haven't been given many details."

"Nobody else has any," Agent Ward replied swiftly. "What we do with those we intake is quite classified."

"Intake? Sounds like cattle farming."

Daisy smiled. "Ward has a way of making things sound like that. It's not nearly as methodical as it sounds."

Ward side-eyed her. "Daisy likes to make it sounds fun, when it's not."

Kurt looked between the two of them. "You guys must have a real fun relationship."

"Oh, we're not—," Ward started.

"We used to be. It's a long, boring story, but we're both much happier as teammates."

One look at Ward told Kurt that that was not the truth for him.

"I see."

Daisy nodded. "We'd like to begin with some initial questions, just to have your recent history on record. This is usually done somewhere private where you can speak freely." She turned to Steve.

Steve ignored her and looked to Kurt. "I'll leave if you want me to."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't. But I also don't want to keep you here."

"I'll leave you to it. I'll have Jarvis monitor your micro-expressions and come back if he thinks you need me."

Kurt smiled. "Thank you, Steve."

Steve dipped his head but left the room, without another word to the agents. Kurt knew there was more he wasn't saying about his personal relationship with SHIELD, but Kurt figured that was a story for another day.

Daisy smirked at him. "You hitting that?"

"Daisy," Ward scolded. "That's not part of the questioning."

"What? It's part of my questioning." She grinned at Kurt.

Kurt shook his head. "I am not, although if things had been different…"

Ward put up a hand. "Alright, let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"I'm hurt, Agent Ward. I always thought I was good company."

"Don't take it personally, Kurt. Ward's idea of good company is a punching bag and a fleshlight."

Ward's eyes narrowed to maximum capacity and Kurt bit back a grin.

"I think we should begin before we kill him," Kurt wanted to laugh at the peculiarity of the situation but schooled his features to keep Ward's dignity somewhat intact.

"I agree," Ward snapped. "So why don't you tell us about how you came to find Dr. Anderson's procedure."

With a heavy sigh, Kurt recounted the story of how he had found the procedure, taking time to reflect on his answers and marvel at how much had happened since he had sent in his initial application. He hadn't even bothered to think that he would be selected, never mind be whisked away by an alien and manipulated into betraying the Earth's mightiest heroes. The more he spoke, the more he realised that he was just a small town boy from Lima, Ohio, unfit to be caught up in any of this mess. Now here he was recounting the story to a national security spy agency.

Agent Ward stopped scribbling in his notepad and looked up. "And Dr. Anderson told you about any potential adverse side-effects?"

Kurt nodded. "He outlined that the serum could be unpredictable and reactive, and that much was detailed in the waiver I signed."

"What do you know about the trialling process?"

Kurt shuffled in his seat. "I asked for the clinical trial data, said I wouldn't go through the serum without it. It showed nothing but complete success in all the animals it was tested on, ensuring an almost-perfect rate of completion in humans from the data alone."

Daisy held her pen between her teeth. "Kurt, we've spoken with Dr. Anderson about the trial. Quite frankly, he shouldn't have been allowed to go through with it. He had legal permission and all the right papers, but…"

Ward sensed her hesitation and scowled. "The data was falsified, Mr. Hummel. Cooper Anderson defrauded several high-ranking members of several national agencies, including the FDA. Documents, contracts, evidentiary records, all doctored."

Kurt was taken aback by the idea that there was something about this stupid, life-ruining trial that he didn't know. The only reason he had put his faith in Cooper Anderson was because of the surety of the thing. He had wanted the power, of course, that wasn't news, but he wasn't about to be anybody's guinea pig. He was given reasonable assurance that the project would be a glowing, national success, and he had no reason to expect otherwise.

Daisy sighed softly. "We're really sorry, Kurt. Dr. Anderson told us a lot of things about this trial. Including that he was never even expecting you to survive, but he needed details on the effects of the serum on a human so he could reconfigure the chemistry."

"So I really was a lab rat? Quite literally."

Agent Ward nodded. "We know this is a lot to absorb, but if you'd like to take a moment to yourself to calm down, now would be the time to do so, we've got a fair bit of ground to cover today."

Kurt shook his head. "I'm good."

"You sure?" Daisy checked. "We wouldn't blame you if you needed a second."

"I'm good," Kurt said firmly.

Ward scribbled something down. "Good, that's your first test. You handled bad news and didn't overreact."

"You expected me to?"

"Looking over your notes, yes it was possible. That's why there's two of us."

Daisy winked. "I'm the muscle."

"You're an Inhuman, don't get cocky. I'm still your SO."

"I thought you guys weren't dating," Kurt frowned.

"Superior Officer, not Significant Other, Kurt," Daisy corrected.

"Oh, of course. Does everything at SHIELD sound like the military?"

"Pretty much. It's either that or the most farfetched science you've ever heard in your life."

Ward cleared his throat once more. "If we could just continue the questioning."

Daisy and Ward continued to ask more and more increasingly invasive questions as Kurt sat there and tried to maintain the shell of his dignity under the gazes of some SHIELD agents.

"Why did you decide to stop working for Loki?" Daisy asked.

"That's an easy one," Kurt nodded. "The more I got to know the people in this building, the more I realised that Loki had it twisted. The Avengers aren't the obstacle, they're the solution. But I found that out too late. I was malleable to Loki and he knew as much. I'm still trying to grapple with accountability here, because while I know what I did was wrong, it's not in my nature to do something like that without a heavy dose of biological and psychological manipulation."

"Good answer," Ward muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Lets you off the hook, doesn't it? It's one thing to play the helpless victim, but adding genuine contrition into it to gain sympathy points? Nice touch. A defence worthy of a SHIELD agent."

Kurt scowled. "It's not a 'defence'. It's my truth, something that I'm having great difficulty reconciling at the moment. If that's what SHIELD agents do, I don't want any part of it."

Daisy clocked Kurt's clenched hands, veins protruding from the skin, looking like they might burst at any moment. "Kurt…are you good?"

"Yes."

"Kurt."

"Give me a minute."

Kurt closed his eyes and thought of Bruce, of the soft, dopey smile that smudged his face when he listened to music he liked, when he ate something he liked the taste of. He thought of their time together, just working on breathing and vulnerability and…honesty.

Kurt's eyes were a little damp when he opened him. "Okay, I'm ready to continue. I know these questions are designed with the specific purpose of testing me, so I won't be blindsided by one of them again."

Ward appraised his clipboard, giving nothing away, while Daisy shot Kurt an encouraging smile. "Do you think you are in danger of hurting someone?"

"That's a vague question. If you mean somebody I care about, I think I would be able to control myself. If it somebody who deserves it, that's a different story."

"What if they're the same person?"

"I'd need a scenario. I can't just blindly answer whether I'd hurt someone without knowing the context."

"So you could?"

"Don't twist my words please, Agent Ward," Kurt sniffed. "If you refuse to rearrange the question into a non-hypothetical that doesn't paint me out to be a snarling villain, I refuse to answer it."

"Good answer," Daisy whistled.

Ward looked up at Kurt for the first time in a while. "I don't believe I have any further questions. Daisy?"

"Nope."

"Then I'd like to move on. Kurt, I've arranged with Mr Stark to undertake a sparring session with you, just so we can gauge your physical development. It was a request from our science division for your eventual intake assessment."

"Sparring with you?"

Ward grinned for the first time, showing a little more of his true colours than Kurt had seen thus far. "Scared you'll embarrass yourself?"

"Just wondering if Daisy would like to film you getting knocked on your ass for the rest of your team to see."

"Daisy would like," Daisy piped up, clearing away their things. "Go get ready, Ward."

Ward nodded and stood, leaving the room without any further fuss or deliberation. Daisy turned to Kurt.

"I'd be on my toes, he's an excellent fighter."

"Oh, I know I'll be getting knocked on my ass, I just wanted to have some fun before it happened. I have no shame left in my body, so might as well let him sweat a little."

"You're a lot of fun aren't you?"

Kurt shrugged. "When I'm not double-crossing superheroes, I'm a hoot."

Daisy regarded him solemnly. "You'll get through this, Kurt. I know you will."

"How…how do you know that?"

"Because," she mumbled, "I did. And I'm far more powerful but also far more unstable than you ever will be, so you got this. And in terms of a support network, you couldn't ask for a better one."

Something in her tone made Kurt immediately want to trust her, but his instincts brought those thoughts to a halt as soon as they'd surfaced.

"I need to get the report to the team, so I'll come and say goodbye and come to get Ward after your sparring session."

"Okay. Do you…never mind."

"Say it or it'll drive me insane."

"Do you think that we could be friends? I don't have a lot of those at the moment and…I don't know."

"Honestly, sure. But I'm not a great friend to have. I'll probably punch you."

"That's cool, neither am I. I'll probably betray you."

"Sweet. As long as we're on the same page."

Kurt smiled. "Thanks, Daisy."

"Anytime." She winked at him before leaving him alone with his thoughts, something that wasn't the greatest set of circumstances lately.

He reflected back on some of those questions, his mind choosing to forget about Dr. Anderson altogether and focus on what was really important: Bruce. He'd known that was in love with Bruce for a while, but something about recounting the story to Daisy and Ward set his body ablaze with passion, guilt, and regret. A tricky combination.

As Kurt wallowed in his ennui, the door cracked open.

Steve popped his head into the room. "Agent Ward's checking in with SHIELD before warming up in the gym. I can make you something to eat before you start, if you want?"

Kurt shook his head. "That's okay, thank you. I have something I need to do."

"Was it okay?"

"Yeah, it was okay. Tony's psych eval was tougher. I imagine the hard work begins once I get to SHIELD."

"Tony tell you about Coulson?"

"I believe the word 'ballbuster' was used."

Steve grinned. "Oh, I'm sure. He'll run you ragged, but he's the best guy we have for this sort of thing. Strict but with a good moral compass. He won't steer you wrong."

"Sounds like some other people I know," Kurt smiled.

"I won't keep you. Bruce is in his study."

"How…?"

Steve shrugged. "Nat and Tony weren't the only ones who hated that you lied so easily. I can now read you like a book."

"This'll be fun."

"I think a good, honest talk will do the both of you a world of good."

"Thanks, Steve. For everything."

"Anytime, kid. You know that."

Echoes of Kurt's last conversation with Bruce rang in his ears as he realised that it was going to be like that at all. Bruce was providing him a service, taking all he had to be there for Kurt and put aside his own personal feelings of hurt and betrayal. Kurt had effectively cut himself off from his own remaining family and Bruce was there to console him.

Kurt should have known from the way Bruce left just as soon as he was calmed and settled that things weren't just going to go back to normal. Bruce hadn't spoken to him since.

It was that thought alone that unsettled him as he made his way to Bruce's study, asking Jarvis to alert the man a few minutes ahead of time just for the sake of complete transparency.

After knocking and being allowed entry, Kurt stood awkwardly by the door, wringing his hands together. "Can we talk?"

Bruce looked up and paused what he was doing, shuffling some paperwork into place and sliding it into a drawer for later use. "Okay. Come sit down."

Kurt slipped into his usual seat, sad not to be eating pizza or talking about his childhood, instead immediately on the back foot trying to claw his way back into Bruce's good graces, something that was proving impossible.

"I was hoping we might be able to clear the air a little. I just had my first meeting with SHIELD."

"How did that go?"

Kurt remembered his earlier declaration to Steve that it had gone okay, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to hedge so easily with Bruce. "It was a little unsettling, I have to say. They told me that Dr. Anderson had predicted the experiment would fail. I knew that he wasn't all he pretended to be, but he was ready to sacrifice me."

"What aren't you saying?"

"I…I came out of that machine thinking that science had failed me because I was broken. But all along it was a minor miracle that I'm even alive. The thought of that being mass distributed to the US military…it makes me feel sick. Sick to my stomach."

Bruce nodded calmly. "That's a heavy revelation for a Wednesday morning. Do you like the agents?"

"Agent Johnson was nice. Agent Ward's a little standoffish, but I think that's mostly just their dynamic."

"He has layers, sure, but you'd have to work hard to uncover them. Not many people have put in the work."

"I get that impression. They've set me up to spar with him later."

Bruce snorted. "I do not like your chances."

"I feel like you should come and watch me get beat up. It could be some kind of repentance for me."

"That wouldn't be fun for me, Kurt."

"No, of course not. I just don't know how to make this up to you, Bruce."

Bruce idly scratched the back of his head. "I don't either. Maybe it's not something that's supposed to happen."

"I can't go on thinking like that. You mean too much to me."

Bruce looked away.

"I know I have no right asking you for anything, but I'm going to try as hard as I can to regain your forgiveness. Whatever it takes, Bruce, I mean it. Because you're so important to me and I…I know I ruined everything. I just want you to know how truly sorry I am."

Bruce nodded calmly, as to be expected from the man, but Kurt was still surprised by his tranquility in the face of the situation. "I know you're sorry, Kurt. I've known that the whole time. The thing is, though, sorry is a very easy word to just throw around. You didn't just hurt me with the lie, you were manipulating me. For a while. That's…that's not something I'm wired to easily forgive. And I know you know that because I've told you as much. I've shared things with you, Kurt, that I've never shared with anybody, my deepest shames, my happiest moments, my childhood. That was a big deal for me. And I trusted you."

Kurt hung his head. "I know. And I…it's something I deeply, deeply regret. I don't expect anything from you Bruce, but I'm naive enough to stay hopeful. When we kissed…"

"Don't."

"I have to know what it meant to you."

Bruce looked up, trying to keep himself in line. "You have to know what it meant? Don't you know what it meant already?"

"I don't want to be wrong."

"I've been drawn to you, Kurt, since the moment I met you," Bruce muttered, trailing off.

Kurt tilted his head, sensing the continuation of the sentence. "But…"

"But, that initial connection means nothing if I can't trust you. And I'm not sure that I can anymore."

Kurt nodded. "That's completely understandable. I want you to know that I'm not going to try and influence anything from you. Any contact between us after this moment will be on your terms and whatever happens from this point will be your decision."

"Thank you. I respect that."

"I don't want to force an easy answer to a hard question, but is there hope? Should I keep the flame alive or should I snuff it out and pack my bags?"

Bruce knew that it was a difficult question, for both of them. There was a part of Bruce that could easily keep Kurt at bay and forget the entire thing ever happened. Once Kurt was off with SHIELD, it would be a classic case of out of sight, out of mind. But he also couldn't deny the part of him that ached for Kurt, even now. He hadn't felt like this in the longest time, which was what made it so complicated. Bruce's head and heart both hurt just thinking about the situation.

"Keep it burning. You might have to tend to it for a little while, but don't let it die completely."

"Understood," Kurt nodded, averting his gaze before he lost it entirely. Bruce was keeping the door ajar for them and that was more than he deserved, more than he'd expected on his way down to speak to the man. "I'll…see you around, maybe."

"Yeah, maybe."

As Kurt turned for the door, Bruce spoke out again.

"You should speak with Nat," Bruce whispered. "I mean, properly. I know you haven't really discussed it to the extent you wished to. She understands more than she lets on. She can help you with your SHIELD anxiety more than the others probably could."

"Thank you."

"Keep your fists up," Bruce muttered as Kurt smiled and pulled the door closed.

Bruce rested back in his seat, running through a few quick breathing exercises before putting his head in his hands, seeing Kurt behind his closed lids, flashes of the younger man smiling and laughing, the two of them kissing. It was more than he could take. A dimmed part of his brain had the idea to go into the Hulk Chamber and unleash some rage, but he wanted to stay vigilant, and honour the fact that he hadn't turned outside of battle since moving into the Tower.

But boy it would be so, incredibly easy.

After Kurt checked in and found that Agent Ward needed some more time to file his reports, he decided that there was no time like the present and asked Jarvis to see if Natasha was available.

Kurt didn't know whether it was good news or bad news that she was. He had been dreading talking to Natasha directly about the situation more so than the rest of them because of how ruthless she could be when wronged. He had heard stories from the woman herself about allies who had betrayed her. His brain then had been terrified, but his brain now was even more terrified. He was a disloyal ally to her and Kurt knew that hearing her opinions of him after the fact would not be a fun experience.

Still, it was part of his amends process and he knew that biting the bullet was better than waiting for it to hit you when you least expected it.

Kurt arrived at her floor quicker than he had anticipated, all of his introspection making the time pass. He allowed himself a slow walk across the hall until he arrived in her leisure quarters. She was stretched out on the couch, looking more comfortable and rested than he had ever seen her. A book lay half-open on the table next to her.

"I hope I didn't interrupt," Kurt announced as he turned the corner.

"I have a lot of time on my hands lately, I'll finish it soon."

"Anything good?" Kurt said as he lingered in the space.

"Do you want to talk Russian literature or do you want to sit down and tell me why you asked to see me?"

"Right to the point, got it." Kurt took a seat on the other end of the spacious couch and adopted what he thought was a comfortable posture, but Natasha's eyes told him differently.

"You're smart to be on edge, but you don't need to be."

Kurt relaxed infinitesimally but it was enough.

"Has Agent Ward left the building yet?"

"Not yet," Kurt replied. "We're supposed to sparring in a little while."

"You, sparring with Ward? Can I observe?"

"I thought about inviting all of you, as some sort of repentance in the form of entertainment. Gladiator style."

Natasha smiled. "I'm glad you're starting to develop a sense of humour about the situation."

"If I don't laugh, I'll cry. Or worse, get mad and make things even more dire for myself."

Natasha searched his eyes. "What do you want to ask?"

"I…okay. I wanted to know why you even allowed me up here."

"Easy. The main reason I haven't had you removed from the building is because I understand you. More than you might like. More than I would like."

Kurt left a silence for her to elaborate.

"I've had people manipulate my vulnerabilities all my life to use me to their advantage. I've had to learn pretty much everything the hard way. I've been disappointed by people I thought were my family, by institutions I was raised to believe in. Just like you."

Kurt tilted his head in bemusement.

"I read the police report you filed when you were fifteen. The group assault. I also read the officers' notes on the file."

Kurt clenched his fists.

Natasha noticed the movement and smiled. "I hope you can control that. Because I have no problem taking you out if you try something."

That did something to calm Kurt down, but he was still on edge. "You read that?"

"Oh Kurt, I've known everything recorded there is to know about you since the night you showed up here. You can't expect me not to have done my due diligence."

"It's what I would've done," Kurt conceded with a nod. "I've never read their notes, but I'm assuming they're in line with how the interview went."

"I had half a mind to call in some favours. The pictures were one thing, but the tone the notes were written in, I could feel the contempt even through the page."

Kurt nodded. "I didn't even want to press charges, but it obviously wasn't my choice. My dad was furious, he wanted them dead. The officers were absolutely as useful as you'd expect. They basically laughed me out of the room, saying that I shouldn't have provoked them and they were just being boys."

Natasha's jaw clenched at that one. "I've heard that particular song far too many times. You tell anyone else?"

"Bruce," Kurt whispered, accepting Natasha's knowing nod in response.

"I…it's probably not a great estimation of your character, Kurt, but you're a lot like me. And not the me you see before you now, the me who was frustrated with the world and angry at everything. You were easy pickings for Loki because the world had made you that way. I'm not saying you're blameless, you made your choices and I think you know that, but I have to look at the whole picture before I react to what you did. I've done far worse in my time with less manipulation, so to condemn you for this feels wrong."

"I appreciate that, Natasha. I'm still sorrier than you can imagine."

"I know, it's all I've heard the last few days. How's the S.H.I.E.L.D rehab program going?"

Kurt chuckled. "It's intense. Agent Ward is a real piece of work."

"I know him well. Not the guy I would've picked for this job, though."

"Agent Johnson mellows him out a little, but she's more guarded than even you are."

"Impossible," she smirked.

"But it…they seem to think I'm not a lost cause."

"Because you're not. This whole unforgivable shit has to stop right here if you want to fight this thing, Kurt. Because the more weight you put on yourself, the harder it's going to be moving forward. And you have to move forward."

"I don't even know what forward looks like anymore. I'm struggling to even figure out who I am, what kind of person I am."

"You want me to tell you?"

"That'd be nice," Kurt smiled.

Natasha curled her lips. "The long and short of it, Kurt, is that we're beasts. You. Me. Clint. Bucky. We're all borne of the same abuses of power."

"I don't follow."

She sighed softly. "How much has Clint told you about his past?"

"Nothing much. He said it was a story for another day and then, well, you know. Being a prisoner doesn't invite much room for story time."

"He had it rough, he was a victim of the system. As much as he hates to admit it, he was done wrong. He'd have you believe he deserved what was done to him."

Kurt nodded. "Bucky seems the same. Even though he gave up his life for his country, he still considers himself the villain."

"So do you. Despite your pleas of constant manipulation, you still carry the burden of your choices."

Kurt wrung his hands together. "You have a point."

"I don't believe anybody is born evil, Kurt. We're all susceptible to the perils of growing up. I was born a girl in the wrong place at the wrong time. You were pushed to breaking point because of who you turned out to be. Different circumstances, same monsters."

"I don't believe it's that simple."

"Nothing ever is, I'm just trying to make sense of all of this for you."

Kurt nodded. "I'm sorry, Natasha. I abused the trust you all put in me and I've yet to make up for it."

Natasha almost smiled. "I don't believe you ever will, Kurt. There is a handful of people that I put my trust in, and all of them are in this building. But not all in the building have earned it."

"I understand. I'll settle for you not murdering me in cold blood."

"I haven't ruled it out."

Her sly grin told him all he needed to know.

"I'd like to know something. How do you reconcile your given circumstances with the guilt that you feel?"

Kurt shook his head. "I know they're not mutually exclusive. I'm trying to figure out how much of my actions are my own and how much I can attribute to what happened. I don't want to blame myself unnecessarily, I've been doing that my whole life, but I also want to hold myself somewhat accountable and not try to let myself off the hook.

"The SHIELD agents told me I wasn't supposed to survive."

Natasha nodded. "I'm surprised they told you that."

"You knew? Who am I kidding, of course you knew."

"I'm more interested in how you feel about it."

Kurt sighed softly. "I was angry before, when I found out that he'd manipulated me, lied to me in order to get me to go through with it. I told him I wouldn't unless I knew that the human data was promising. I could deal with some risk element, but if it looked hopeless I wasn't about to throw myself into the fire for the sake of some elective science. But then I realised that however much I was manipulated, I made the decision to sign the contract. Just like I made the decision to go with Loki. It might've looked like there was no other choice, but there always is."

"That's what I was hoping you would say," Natasha said. "This might sound odd, but I think you made the right choice going with Loki that night."

"You do?"

"Purely because I don't care to think about where you would be if you denied him."

"He said he'd kill my dad and Sam."

Natasha nodded calmly, as though they weren't talking about cold-blooded murder. "And I don't doubt that he would've followed through. But I'm talking about you. You would've continued to go to school, with nobody around you equipped to handle your outbursts. You could've really hurt somebody, maybe somebody who didn't deserve it, and you more than likely would have gone to prison."

Kurt was stunned to realise that the only thing he hadn't overthought was the life he would have led without Loki's interference. If he had gone to Sam's house as planned that night, he probably would've imploded his entire life and done so happily. "You're right."

"That's the thing about choices. You don't know whether they're good or bad because you don't know how the other path might've turned out. I think Loki was right when he said he saved your life, but not for the reason he thinks."

"Still no word of his whereabouts?"

Natasha scowled. "We've had a few false leads. He's a slippery little maggot, I'll tell you that for nothing."

Kurt chuckled quietly. "Now that we can agree on. Thank you, Natasha, for allowing me an explanation."

"I figure if Bruce can, then I can too."

"I appreciate it. Truly."

"I know. Oh, and Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Ward's terrible on his left side. If you manage to destabilise his balance, he'll be next to useless."

Kurt grinned. "You really don't like him, do you?"

"I plead the fifth. Now go get your ass kicked."

"Yes, ma'am."

It turned out that the aforementioned ass kicking did occur as expected.

By the time Kurt had deflated from his heavy conversation with Natasha, and made a quick stop to see Bucky and give him SHIELD-related updates, Ward had been warming up and working out in preparation to give Kurt all he had in the name of science.

Steve, Tony, Natasha, and Thor were all present to watch, something that made Kurt undeniably self-conscious, considering he hadn't had that much formal combat training and had no sai swords handy to use instead of his fists. Whenever he had committed physical assaults, they had been led by pure rage, something that he wasn't supposed to be letting free from its metallic cage. He was supposed to fight, demonstrate his physical abilities, without fully unleashing the part of him that enhanced said abilities.

A walk in the park, right?

As soon as the sparring began, Ward took on the offensive. Kurt did his best to block and parry a few jabs, but Ward increased his speed and strength and had Kurt pinned in a matter of seconds. Kurt angrily got up from the padded floor and tried again, Ward instructing him to go on the offensive this time. Kurt charged at Ward with little discipline, the latter easily disarming him and sending him flying to the floor once more.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And about twenty-five more times before Kurt was battered, bruised, and spitting blood from his mouth. And in that time, Kurt had gotten one good hit in. Not exactly an even sparring session.

"And I'm supposed to stay calm while you do this?" Kurt seethed.

"You can get angry if you want, but it won't help you," Ward said smugly. "Your problem isn't weakness, it's lack of discipline."

Natasha hated that she wanted to nod in agreement.

Kurt rolled his neck. "So what's the point of this? You're not exactly testing my physical strength here…oh, I see."

"See what?"

Kurt chuckled mirthlessly. "It's another mental test. By pretending it's a physical one, I'd have more temptation to let myself fly off the handle in the name of proving my strength. Kudos to whomever came up with that one."

"Thank you very much," Steve piped up from the sidelines, the rest of the present Avengers turning to stare. "What, I came up with it."

Kurt turned back to Ward, who was unwrapping the material from his hands.

"Nice job, Kurt. You passed."

"Wait, that was it?"

"Well, I floored you almost thirty times and you remained yourself. Not calm, but not demented and angry, either. You've proven that you can keep your cool in the middle of combat and not go rogue. That's an important lesson that you've learned fairly early. I'll send an updated report to Coulson and we'll be in touch."

As Ward packed away his things and retreated into the other room, Daisy burst through the door.

"Did I miss it?"

She took a look at Kurt's face.

"Oh jeez, he really did a number on you."

Kurt hissed as his smile hurt his bleeding lip. "You should see the other guy."

"That's what Bruce said," Tony barked from the sidelines.

"Low hanging fruit," Kurt sneered.

"If it's there, I take it," Tony shrugged.

"There are too many potential jokes there, I'm not even going to bother," Daisy bit back a smirk. "I just wanted to come say goodbye, like I said I would. Friend."

"That sounded so unnatural, did that hurt you to say?"

"Little bit. You'll hear from us soon, Kurt. I got that AI thing to put my number in your phone."

"His name is Jarvis!" Tony yelled. "Some hacker you are."

Daisy ignored the peanut gallery. "Text me anytime. As someone who not only gets it, but really understands everything you've gone through."

"I'll only text for updates about you and Ward and when you're getting back together."

"Okay, loser. See you soon."

"Bye."

Daisy sighed. "Ward! Let's go!"

As Ward emerged from the other room, redressed in his professional suit, no traces of a fight on his body, Kurt bid them both farewell.

As Steve, Tony, and Nat took their leave to debrief with the agents and walk them out, Thor handed Kurt some things to tend to his injuries.

"Thanks. I've been in a fair few fights in my life, but Ward hits harder than a truck."

Thor frowned. "On Asgard, he would be considered infantile."

"Remind me never to piss off an Asgardian…again."

"I apologise for being so rough with you the night you were given that truth serum. I was angry."

"Now that I can relate to," Kurt replied. "It's okay, I would've punched me too."

"We're making plans," Thor said. "For when we find Loki. Now I know you told us what happened the day he took you, but is there anything else you might have forgotten to mention that could help us out?"

Kurt searched his memories for anything he thought could be useful, but came up empty. "Sorry. He didn't tell me much. Just that he wanted to use the Chitauri things to take the fight to Earth, and then other planets. He left me here with promise of a signal, and then that was it."

Thor nodded. "I suspected as much. I've left word on Asgard to monitor the Chitauri, but have heard nothing back. I will be going back regularly to check on things myself, and then we will end this."

"It must be difficult, having your brother be the threat."

"It is certainly a challenge, yes, but it's all I've ever really known."

As Kurt's curious expression, Thor sat down and invited Kurt to as well.

"Growing up with Loki, well…I assume it's exactly how you might imagine it."

Kurt grinned. "Like being trapped in a cage with a snake that wants nothing more than to wrap itself around your neck?"

Thor shrugged. "That is no threat. I could easily neutralise the snake."

"You get my point."

"I do," Thor nodded easily. "He was never the easiest person to have as a brother. He is fiercely competitive, hungry for attention and power, and resents anything that gives him neither."

"I know the type," Kurt almost smiles thinking about his relationship with Rachel Berry, but something stops him.

"Loki would often use his abilities to pull pranks on me, but not the jovial sort. The perilous sort, ones that often put my life in danger. If I were not me and did not possess the power of the almighty Thor, I would have been dead long before I reached physical maturity.

"That is why, after I calmed down, I was able to forgive you. Loki has always been a point of insecurity for me. I know that my heart feels love for him, however strange it is to say and feel. I know he's not a good person. He has slaughtered many and ruined countless lives. That is not something I want to be associated with."

"But he's family," Kurt finished for him.

"Indeed. I have been fortunate to stumble upon my chosen family here, else I would completely alone in this world, and every other. The Captain also asked about my willingness to take Loki down should that be the only option. I would rather see his punished on Asgard, of course, but he has escaped such a fate many, many times. So if putting him down is the only course of action that will put a stop to his scheming, then so be it."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this."

"The time for apologies has long since passed, young Kurt. You must now focus on living up to your words and your promises. Get stronger. Get better. And live your life the way you want to. That is what I want you to swear to me once you leave here. That you will make your own decisions and trust that part of you that knows what is right and what is wrong. Hold strong and don't let anyone tell you who you are. Okay?"

Kurt nodded, trying to hold strong at that very moment and not let Thor's words get to him in the way that they threatened to. "I swear."

Thor pulled Kurt in for a crushing hug. "Good. Now go and get some rest. We want you to help us strategise in the morning."

"You sure you want my help?"

"Seven heads are better than six. Trust me, I know some creatures on Asgard with six heads and they're really very stupid."

Kurt tried not to imagine a creature with six heads or just how big said creature must be, and instead nodded his affirmation and smiled. "Thanks, Thor. See you."

"Head to the infirmary before you go, get something for the pain."

"They'll heal pretty quickly."

"But it won't be pleasant until then," Thor urged.

Kurt supposed that he was right and left the gym, heading the somewhat unfamiliar route to the infirmary.

Upon entering the infirmary, Kurt was met with a most welcome sight.

A shirtless Bruce Banner, sitting on one of the hospital beds.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't think anyone would be in here."

"Why would you?" Bruce smiled easily, putting down a syringe.

"What are you doing? Are you sick?"

Kurt moved deeper into the room.

"No, nothing like that. Just trying a few things."

"Has nobody learned anything about serums after all this?" Kurt quipped as he approached Bruce's bed.

Bruce laughed. "It's nothing so dangerous. Last time I transformed, I asked Tony to collect some of the Hulk's blood so I could test it. Obviously, the gamma would be enough to kill anyone who consumed it, but I was trying to see if I could dilute it down and still use the fast healing properties to create something. You look like you've come to volunteer. He really kick your ass?"

"Well and truly. Agent Ward definitely packs a punch."

Bruce's mouth twitched. "Did you figure out it was another psychological test?"

"After a few beatdowns, yes, eventually."

"How many?"

"It clicked into place somewhere around thirty."

"Ouch," Bruce whispered. "Here, let me take care of those."

Bruce nodded to the bleeding cuts and bruises on his face. He stood as Kurt hopped up on the bed. "I'll just go and get my kit. They look like they're already healing, so I'm assuming you're in a great deal of pain right now."

Kurt nodded, wincing. "The adrenaline in the moment keeps me from feeling hurt. But afterwards, it seems to flare up twofold."

"I'm sorry you're hurt."

"Don't apologise to me…please. I can't."

Bruce smiled softly. "Kurt, I thought we talked about this. I'm not angry with you anymore, you don't need to walk around on eggshells. I'm hurt, yes, and I think proceeding with caution is the best idea for us right now, but it doesn't make my feelings for you just evaporate."

They were the words Kurt needed to hear. That Bruce's feelings were intact, ready for the right time to resurface, whenever Bruce could find it within himself to forgive Kurt.

"I'm glad," Kurt whispered as Bruce tended to a particularly nasty cut on his forehead. "I…I know this definitely isn't the right time to say any of this and you'd probably rather I didn't but I…I love you, Bruce. And I'm not saying that so you'll say it back, I just…needed to say it before I leave. And I didn't know when you'd want to see me again, so there it is. It's out there."

Bruce shook his head, somewhat fondly. "Anyone ever tell you that you overthink more than anybody they've ever met?"

"I'm reminded of it very often, yes."

"It can be an asset, if you use it in the right way. It'll allow you to always be one step ahead, that is if you're not always overthinking about the past or things that bear little attention."

Kurt tried to stay still, fighting his urge to run away from an intensely vulnerable moment. "I don't follow."

"I'm trying to say I love you too, in my own tangential way. I'm saying that you don't need to worry about what I feel or any expectation. We can just be who we are in whatever moment we're currently in."

"You love me?" Kurt eyes shone.

Bruce sighed. "As always, I've done a very bad job of communicating with you about how much you mean to me."

"Well, our first kiss was kinda interrupted by all the betrayal," Kurt shot back. "Makes it harder to think about love."

"If anything, I thought about it more. I wondered how I could love somebody who could do that to me. But like I said, I tried to rationalise your decision and I came away with understanding. Everybody makes a few really awful decisions from time to time, with less psychological damage done to them. You were going through a stressful ordeal and you handled it the best way you thought you should. I'm just glad you're not hellbent on destroying the world anymore. You're…you're not, are you? This isn't a double bluff?"

Kurt wrinkled his nose. "No, I'm not. That whole villainy thing, not really my style. I could take the whole underdog vigilante thing, but I'm not made of the right stuff to take over the world."

Bruce kissed his forehead lightly. "And that, my darling, is the way you know you're a good person. You were handed the potential for global and universal power and you erred on the side of human emotion. You saw us for who we were and reversed all of that. You never needed power, you need companionship."

"I needed love," Kurt added with a teary smile.

"Don't cry, you'll get salt in your wound."

Kurt chuckled as Bruce finished up his ministrations and rose to his full height, stretching out his back.

"I should go, early strategy meeting tomorrow. You should rest up too. You're going to need your strength."

"I'll be fine by morning," Kurt rebutted.

"Then why have I just patched you up?"

Kurt shrugged. "It was nice to have your hands on me again."

"Goodnight, Kurt," Bruce said softly before they parted, leaving Kurt sat in the infirmary with a smile on his face.

Kurt Hummel should have known by now that good feelings never last.

He was hunched over his journal at his desk when it happened.

An ear-splitting crash sounded from nearby and wind whipped through the bedroom, glass shattering across the floor.

Kurt was on his feet in an instant, glad that his wounds were mostly healed already. He still felt the sting of the residual pain, but the worst of it was over.

He should have realised that it wouldn't be over.

"I'm surprised they let you stay after what you did," Loki purred as he stepped into the bedroom. "Cosy little setup you've got here, though I much preferred your old room."

"Jarvis…" Kurt said, panicked.

"Everyone has been alerted, Mr. Hummel."

Loki waved the voice away. "No need, I won't be here long enough for them to get here."

Loki advanced on Kurt, staff extended in front of him, a brilliant green energy swirling around the tip. "You betrayed them, sure, but you betrayed me first. Cuddling up to the good doctor while you were supposed to be helping me. I don't take this kind of thing lightly."

"That's what she said," Clint Barton quipped as he swung into the room, quickly followed by Tony.

Loki's head turned and a grin spread across his face. "Are you going to capture and actually contain me this time?"

"I'd rather just kill you," Clint shrugged, a short knife at the ready. "I didn't have time to grab my bow, but a knife will hurt just fine."

Clint rushed at Loki, who phased into another spot, the blade passing through thin air.

"Oh, you'll have to do much better than that, Agent Barton. I may not be built like a mountain like my idiot brother, but I'm still a god."

"Demigod, right?" Tony raised a brow. "You can't even be a god right, what good even are you?"

Loki gritted his teeth. "Tony Stark. Sitting up here in your high tower while your people need you. What good are you?"

Tony opened his mouth to speak, but Clint was after Loki once more, but this time Loki reappeared directly behind Kurt, pressing the hilt of his staff against Kurt's throat, an arm keeping him in place.

"Make one more move and I throw him out of the window. And don't think I won't do it."

"Hold on, Clint," Tony muttered. "What do you want, Loki?"

"Something none of you can give me. Something that I'm going to have to take for myself."

"Power," Kurt choked out against the staff.

"Of a sort," Loki conceded. "But first, I'm going to see what this horrid planet has to say for itself, see if it's even worth ruling. Any recommendations?"

"We're not your tour guides," Clint barked. "We're going to stop you."

"You can certainly try," Loki rasped.

Loki threw Kurt to the ground and walked back to the broken window. Kurt caught his breath and summoned his rage.

"You won't get what you want, Loki," Kurt heaved.

"And who's going to stop me? You?" Loki giggled. "Nice thought. But I must be going. I wonder what Lima is like this time of year…" Loki trailed off, eyes boring directly into Kurt's.

Loki tumbled out of the window and was gone before he hit the ground.

Kurt raced to the hole in the wall and felt himself being tugged back by Tony. Kurt struggled against him and successfully ripped himself from the man's grasp.

"Kurt, don't."

Kurt turned. "He's going after my dad."

"So your solution is to kill yourself jumping out of my window?"

"I can't just do nothing."

Tony regarded him with soft eyes. "And you won't. Jarvis is already on it. Clint, go see why our idiot teammates got so held up." As Clint raced out of the room, Tony put a soothing hand on his shoulder. "He's going to be fine, Kurt. There's a high chance Loki's just bluffing to get another reaction out of you. And it's working."

Kurt managed to control his breathing enough to think about things rationally. "He's not going to Lima."

Tony nodded. "That's good. Work the problem."

"I'm not important enough to him to risk his plan on a civilian."

"We'll know if he gets there, Kurt, but I'd put a lot of my money on him not even going to near Ohio. Who would want to do that?"

Kurt forced a chuckle through the few tears that had trickled through. "It's a shithole, you're right."

But it was his shithole and Loki wasn't allowed to even threaten terrorising it.

"You've got a plan, right? To stop him?"

"Just about, but we think it'll work. Clint and Nat are confident."

"Then I am too."

Tony nodded. "For what it's worth, I'm proud of the way you handled yourself there."

"I'm proud that you didn't make a joke about me handling myself."

"The one time I try and give a compliment, and it's deflected! That's it, never doing it again."

"I hear you," Kurt stressed. "I just…this isn't going to be for anything if we don't stop him."

"We will, Kurt, we will. Just trust us."

Kurt nodded. "I do."

And he did. Even with the sinking feeling in his gut and the mental image of his father's dead body trying to penetrate his mind, he knew that things were going to turn out alright because the Avengers wouldn't have it any other way. And neither would Kurt and if he had any say in it, Loki would be mincemeat before the weekend was done.

He knew that he wouldn't be able to actually help on the battlefield when it came to that. He hadn't been cleared for anything and he was far too much of a liability. There was still the lingering idea that Loki could manipulate him again, even if Kurt thought himself better than that now.

He was doing better, that much was true, but he could only do so much against a demigod. And there was a lot on the line this time, the fate of the entire planet for one.

Kurt's fingers ached to call his father, but he knew that it was not a good idea Jarvis would handle surveillance and he would be informed of any developments. No news was in fact good news in this scenario.

"Get some sleep, Kurt," Tony intoned, seeing that Kurt was more in his head and wouldn't be receptive to any further conversation. "I'll have Jarvis let you into the floor below, plenty of spare rooms that don't have gaping holes in the wall where windows should be. I probably won't be sleeping for a while, so I can sit with you if you want."

"Thank you, Tony. For everything."

"Yeah, don't mention it, kid."

Kurt wondered just what had happened in his life where Tony Stark was currently the closest thing he had to a father. It was a strange set of choices that had determined this path of action and, despite the many mistakes and threats on his life, he couldn't quite bring himself to regret any of them.