Author's note: Having run out of poetry from Lewis Carroll, I've parodied other Victorian poetry for some of them, while some are entirely my own. Let's see if I can manage to cover all sixty cases!
Boxing Clever
As a doctor, I am well aware
(Holmes did eventually declare!)
No other body part appears
So individual as the ears.
~0~
Dissecting rooms, preservatives –
These, too, I'm most familiar with!
Holmes, it would seem, was quite at fault,
Neglecting colleague to con-salt.
Canary
There once was a widow from prairie
Whose conduct made husband most wary,
But when challenged at last,
She presented a past
He wished neither to cast off nor bury.
Stockbroken
Arthur and Harry went after their quarry,
Relying on unknown faces.
Arthur was nabbed and, fearing he'd blabbed,
Harry hanged himself with his own braces.
I'm Not A Pheasant Plucker
I'm not a pheasant plucker,
I'm a pheasant plucker's foe,
And I cannot rest at ease
Until the pheasant plucker goes.
~0~
Plucking pheasants is his pleasure,
Which he does with loathsome leer;
Now he's plucking Father's pheasants,
Who exists in constant fear.
~0~
I'm not a pheasant plucker,
I'm a plucker's victim's son,
And Holmes says this ciphered note
Means one more victim on the run.
~0~
So if I should meet the plucker
On my way out to Terai,
I shall pluck him good and hard
Before he has a chance to fly!
Goosed
Goosey goosey gander,
Whither did he wander?
Outside at midnight
To watch his masters plunder.
~0~
Furious, the young man
Made him say his prayers;
Ganders shouldn't dabble
In evil men's affairs!
Crooked
There was a crooked man, and he had a crooked mate
Who betrayed him for a woman, so for vengeance had to wait.
He walked a crooked road, till he reached the crooked house,
And found the crooked Colonel being tongue-lashed by his spouse.
Monday's Child
Monday's child has plastered face
Tuesday's child begs Holmes's grace
Wednesday's child is ruthless foe
Thursday's child knows lover's woe
Wednesday's child is unforgiving
Monday's child is no longer living
But the child that is swiftly borne away
Is well able to make her abductors pay.
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet
Told brother to stuff it
And stayed in his bedroom all day.
She locked up behind her,
Which served him a blinder,
Caught stealing the treaty away.