Title: Severus' Greatest Regret
Team: Caerphilly Catapults
Position: Chaser 1
Round 1
Prompt: Black Widow Pulsar: A type of neutron star that slowly blasts its companion star with radiation, eventually causing that star to evaporate - Write about an attraction to someone or something that can only end in disaster.
Additional Prompts used: (3) Unrequited love (7) Astronomy tower (10) Shouting
Word count: 1971
Betas: Dora, Ikuni, Reflective Pessimist

A/N Warning contains graphic injuries (no more than found in canon), mild swearing, and bullying. Set in Severus and Lily's 7th year at Hogwarts.
Also, you could check out 'The Man She Despised' by Reflective Pessimist which, while written as part of the competition and can be read as a stand alone story, was written as a sequel to this. I enjoyed collaborating with Reflective Pessimist for this as it was a first for me.

Severus sat in a corner of the Slytherin common room looking dour, an expression only amplified by the greenish light cast by the round lamps that lit the common room. The room was filled with the incessant chatter of younger students that were scattered about the room and it was starting to annoy him. Occasional bursts of laughter kept interrupting his pensiveness; he was dwelling on his thoughts of Lily Evans. Beautiful, kind, funny, wonderful Lily, whom he, in his anger, had callously hurt with the utterance of that word.

Mudblood. He often said it to other people of Muggle parentage but he had never said it to her, not until that fateful day when James Potter and Sirius Black had completely and utterly humiliated him. Worst of all they had used his own spell against him, hanging him upside down so his robes fell over his head for all to see. Severus' face burned red at the remembered humiliation of what had happened after that. It had inspired a new nickname for him; worse than Snivellus.

Merlin, he hated James Potter; he was such an arrogant bully. Lily herself had once told him this to his face, along with the fact that she would rather date the giant squid than him. So Severus just couldn't understand why she had agreed to go out with him now. He was still the same arrogant bully now that he was two years ago. What did she see in him?

Until that day, Severus and Lily had always been great friends. Granted, they may have drifted apart a little since starting Hogwarts, but they had still always made time for each other. But now - now she looked at James with doe-eyes – what did she see in him? What Severus wouldn't do to have Lily look at him the way she looked at James. Why couldn't she see that he, Severus, loved her more than James bloody Potter?

A group of sixth years sat down on the sofas next to where Severus sulked, glanced at him and snickered. He'd had enough. He got up and stormed out of the common room. He contemplated taking a walk around the lake to clear his head, then quickly changed his mind. The mild autumn weather would mean that plenty of people would still be milling about the castle grounds, especially the older students who had a later curfew, so he changed his mind and decided to head up to the Astronomy Tower where he could be far away from other people to be alone with his miserable thoughts.

Severus had expected to be alone up in the Astronomy Tower but he was not. As he went to enter the Tower, he saw that there were two people already there and one of them was the very last person Severus wanted to see, James Potter and his Lily, locked in an embrace, kissing! Severus was so distraught he wanted to cry but he would not give Potter the pleasure of seeing his anguish. Severus stood rooted to the spot for a whole minute, watching longingly as Lily and James kissed passionately, desperately wishing he was the one she was kissing. Lily must have sensed they were being watched because she pulled away from the embrace and turned towards Severus.
"Sev?" She sounded surprised to see him there.
"Shriveless," James taunted Severus with the new nickname that had been borne of that dreadful day two years ago.
"Don't call me that," Severus snarled at James.
"Sure thing, Snivellus," James laughed.
"James," Lily admonished him. "What're you doing here, Sev?"
"Surely you're not meeting someone here to kiss?" James teased.
"I'd hardly call what you were doing kissing. It looked more like you were trying to eat her face," Severus retorted.
"As if you'd know anything about kissing. Who'd kiss you? They'd be all greasy."
Severus pulled out his wand and pointed it at James, who was just as quick to do likewise.
"Stop it! Both of you," Lily said standing between them.

"What do you see in him, Lils?" Severus asked.
"That's none of your business, Sev."
"Hear that Snivvy? Now get lost."
"You hated him, Lils. Why are you with him? I've known you forever. I thought we…"
"Sev," Lily started but James interrupted.
"Merlin!" he exclaimed. "He's in love with you Lil. The greasy little Death Eater is in love with you."
"I'm not a Death Eater."
"Please!" James sneered. "You're up to your greasy little eyeballs in the Dark Arts. You can't deny it, just like you're not denying that you're in love with her."
"Sev?"
"So, what if I do love her?" Severus snarled at James. "I've known her forever and…"
"Oh, Sev I…"
"What does he have that I don't? I'm the one who knew what you were. I'm the one who helped you understand Hogwarts and comforted you when you were worried. I'm the one who loved you from the start."
"Sev. We were friends. Good friends but nothing more. You were like a brother to me," Lily said sadly.
"Friend zoned," James snickered at Severus. "You were always in the friend zone. You were never going to be anything more."
"You're not helping, James," Lily said crossly.
"I'm not the one who called you that word and yet claims to love you."

"That was your fault, Potter," Severus shouted at James. "You and your gang are always picking on me, goading me, hexing me. I would never have said it if you hadn't humiliated me. I lost my best friend because of you!"
"That's not true, Sev," Lily said with a hint of irritation in her voice.
"Right from the first day on the train, he took a dislike to me. He didn't know me in the slightest and he already started calling me names."
"That wasn't James, Sev. I've told you this. It was Sir…" Lily started impatiently.
"Then you were sorted into Gryffindor and he couldn't wait to turn you against me," Severus ranted. "You wouldn't believe me when I told you he and his friends tried to kill me with that trip down the tunnel at the Whomping Willow…"
"Sev," Lily said warningly.
"I had nothing to do with that," James interjected but Severus wasn't listening and kept ranting.
"And he made out that he saved me. Saint Potter. When really he's just an arrogant bully who tormented me, until, in my humiliation, he made me lose my best friend."
"No, Severus!" Lily shouted. "I've had enough of this. We've been through this before. You lost me as a friend because of your obsession with the Dark Arts and your views on Muggle-borns. I won't stand here and listen to you blame someone else for your own poor choices."
"But I love you-"
"I could never love someone whose ambition is to become a Death Eater. When, given their way, they would wipe us all out!" Lily yelled. "I told you several times, Sev. I hated your friends and your obsession with the Dark Arts but you didn't listen. All that happened that day was you showed your true colours."
"No. Your blood status doesn't matter to me. You…" he faltered as Lily looked furiously at him.
"So, it's fine for me to be a Muggle-born because you love me but the rest are all scum who should be wiped out? Is that it? You make me sick Snivellus. You're such a hypocrite," Lily screeched at him.
"Me?" Severus bellowed back. "I'm a hypocrite? What about him?" Severus pointed his wand once more at James. "He says blood status doesn't matter but he and Black tyrannised me on an almost daily basis for years. It's his fault you hate me now."
"NO. IT. IS. NOT," Lily shouted. "It was your choices. Your beliefs. Stop blaming other people. Man-up and take responsibility for your own actions."
"What? Like he does?" Severus yelled, flicking his wand at James but James' reactions were faster and he blocked Severus' curse.
There was another flash of light and Severus was hoisted into the air by his ankles, his robes falling around his head.
"James," Lily said sternly.
"What? He was the one who tried to curse me first. Fine."
Another flash of light and Severus landed back to the top of the Astronomy Tower in a heap. Seething, he stood up, untangling himself from his robes, and pointed his wand at James yelling, "Sectumsempra."

James staggered backwards against the ramparts of the tower, blood spurting from the great slashes to his face and chest - his wand fell from his hand as he fell to the ground. Lily's horrified screams filled the air and she dropped to her knees beside James.
"What have you done?" she shouted at Severus. "No, no, no, James!"

Severus' heart skipped a beat and his stomach lurched horribly as he watched James visibly paling from the blood loss. Horror-struck Severus realised that if James died, Lily would never, ever forgive him. He sprang forward and began muttering the counter-curse, tracing his wand across James' wounds, easing the flow of blood. He repeated the counter-curse again and James' wounds began to knit together. Once more he repeated the counter-curse before he felt he could move James.
"He needs the Hospital Wing," Severus said, his voice trembling as Lily sobbed beside him.

Severus flicked his wand again and levitated James, on an invisible stretcher, in front of him. He made his way out of the Astronomy Tower and down the stairs to the Hospital Wing, Lily following behind him still sobbing. Madam Pomfrey rushed to them as they entered the hospital wing and Severus hastily explained what had happened as Madam Pomfrey gently lowered James onto a hospital bed. She disappeared to fetch some Essence of Dittany and Lily, who had managed to stop crying now that James wasn't going to die, rounded on Severus again.
"I will never forgive you for this," she shouted. "Never! I don't ever want to see you or talk to you again. Your obsession with the Dark Arts almost killed him."
He winced, "I'm sorry, Lils. I'm so, so sorry. I was…"
"I don't want to hear any more of your excuses," she continued to yell at Severus in disdain. "James will have to live with the scars on his chest as a reminder of what you did, forever. Go away. Leave me alone."
"Calm yourself, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall said as she entered the Hospital Wing followed by Professor Slughorn. "Poppy assures me he will be alright once she has given him the Essence of Dittany and a blood-replenishing potion."
Lily nodded, gave Severus a look of deepest loathing, and moved over to James' bedside, taking his hand as Madam Pomfrey came back with a bottle of dittany in her hands.
"As for you, Mr Snape," Professor McGonagall said sternly. "You will come with us."

Severus followed McGonagall and Slughorn out of the hospital wing, feeling utterly wretched. Once in Professor McGonagall's office, Severus had to endure fifteen minutes of both Professors shouting at him about the horrendous attack on another student and how he was bringing shame to his house. But the telling-off from the two Heads of House, the house points he lost and the detentions he received were nothing – nothing compared to the disdain he had heard in Lily's voice.

She loathed him for what he had done and Severus didn't see how she would ever forgive him. He didn't know how he could ever make up for what he did but that didn't mean he wouldn't try. He would try for the rest of his miserable life to make up for his mistakes. He had to because, even if she never loved him in return, he loved her, with all his heart.