2 months ago
"Ah bollocks. Hermione is going to hate this", Harry said throwing down the mornings Daily prophet and jumping out of his chair.
Ginny reached for the paper and grimaced at the headline.
MUGGLEBORN HERMIONE GRANGER ON ETERNAL QUEST TO UPEND WIZARDING TRADITIONS, OVERT PROGRESSIVE OR COVERT NARCISSIST?
Ginny tossed the paper back on the kitchen table and turned to watch Harry scrambling down the stairs tugging on his shoes, cursing under his breath.
Ginny folded her arms in front of her and cleared her throat. Harry jerked seeming to finally notice her standing there.
"Oh, hey love, did you say something?",he said, coming towards her and putting his hands on her waist," I'm sorry I didn't hear you."
Ginny groaned inwardly, her building anger fading away at his sheepish grin.
""No, I didn't say anything."
"Then…?"
"Where are you going?"she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I was going to talk to Hermione about this rubbish article. Did you see it?"he said pointing towards the nodded,"I did."
"Oh…"he said raising his right hand and rubbing the back of his head, a clear sign of his nervousness.
Something in Ginny wanted to push.
And she let it.
"Why do you need to go to Hermione about an article published about her? You three are the Golden trio. Any one of you is in the news every other month. I didn't see you running to Ron the last time he had a story published about him."
Harry's mouth dropped open,"Ginny! That article about Ron was about his successful expansion of the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. This," he gestured to the paper," This is vile! You know Hermione isn't like that."
"Yes,we all know Hermione is a veritable champion of justice," Ginny thought unkindly, before bringing her quick temper under control and dismissing the thought.
Inhaling deeply through her nose, Ginny set her jaw and said,"Harry, we know this is just inflammatory writing to sell papers, it doesn't mean anything. Why are you getting so worked up about it?"
"Besides," she said, shrugging a shoulder,"Hermione knew what she signed up for when she took her post at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. We all warned her this would happen, the wizarding world will not approve her changes so easily. Do you think her so weak she would let something like words on a paper get her down?"
Harry looked nonplussed at her sharp words," 're right. Hermione's..She's strong. She won't let anything get in her way once she sets her mind to something,"he said, a fond smile emerging on his face at some distant memory.
Ginny thought that was the closest she had ever gotten to hexing Harry into the next world.
Swallowing the scream of frustration that was threatening to erupt at the loopy look on her boyfriends face, she turned sharply on her heel grabbing her purse and heading to the fireplace.
"I have an appointment. Go to Hermione if you want. I won't be back for lunch", she flung over her shoulder, mentally rejoicing at the perplexed look on Harrys face, as she threw down the floo powder and vanished.
"I don't know what came over me. I was just so angry. How can he be so thick?", Ginny exclaimed, pacing around office, so full of restless energy she could feel it crackling on her skin.
She had gone on a rant for about 15 minutes now, dropping a short "good morning," before she tossed her bag on to the couch and began her tirade.
Dr. Margaret was used to her flare ups by now. She hadn't said a word about Ginny storming out of her office at the last appointment and Ginny was eternally grateful she hadn't had to explain, the incident only increasing her trust and gratefulness towards the healer.
But then, Ginny though wryly, she's the one who made me realise I'm an act first, think later kind of person.
Looking towards the woman now, Ginny realised she was looking expectantly towards her, probably understanding that Ginny was reaching the point where she wanted to converse instead of vent.
Ginny knew if she decided to leave without dissecting todays episode Dr Margaret wouldn't force the issue, choosing instead to wait her out until she would inevitably bring it forth herself at her breaking point.
Remembering Harry's look of distress as she left him made her cringe with self loathing and she set her shoulders making her way to the, what she called in her mind, throne of epiphanies.
Dropping down into the couch, Ginny uttered a soft apology for her urgent appointment which the therapist good-naturedly waved aside.
"So, Ginny,"said , stippling her hands on the desk and leaning forwards in her seat,"I take it you're upset with Harry today."
That was an odd thing Dr Margaret did. A phrasing she hadn't noticed in the beginning but recognized as their meetings progressed,referring to Ginny's relationships with her as the subject.
Like now, she had said Ginny was upset with Harry. Not Harry had upset Ginny.
It had grated on her nerves when she initially noticed it, making her feel like somehow she was the problem.
However, now she was coming to realise it gave her agency. It gave her control and a sense of responsibility over her actions and behaviours which, in her blazes of fury she tended to gloss over.
"Yes," Ginny responded despondently, already aware she wasn't going to like the impending conversation.
"Can you walk me through what happened?"Dr Margaret said with a kind smile as if she knew this was going to be painful for Ginny and was trying to cushion the blow.
Ginny sighed, straightening from the defensive slouch she had instinctively adopted.
"I don't know."she whispered.
Dr Margaret was silent.
Ginny knew she was giving her time to decide if she finally wanted to pursue this topic, the one that she had ran away from, when she stormed out last time and never mentioned again.
The one she had avoided thinking about for five years, burying it under layers and layers of defences, whirling it out of her mind like a garden gnome if even a hint of it escaped.
"I-I" the words flitted in her mouth soft and effervescent like smoke, just as caustic as they settled in her lungs.
"Harry is in love with Hermione."
A soft intake of breath.
And suddenly she was crying.
Large, heaving sobs wracked her entire frame as she felt her world collapsing inwards. Her dreams of a mischievous boy with her spirit and wild black hair and a lovely redheaded baby girl floating away on the wind. Instead a vision of a dainty little girl floated across her eyes, with warm brown hair and beautiful green eyes, her nose in a book as she held onto her mother's hand, until Harry came behind her and picked her up, spinning her in the air before reaching across and pulling her mother close. Her mother, Hermio-
A wrenching cry escaped her as she clutched her chest where her heart felt like it was trying to claw out.
"Ginny", a hand gently smoothed down her back," it's alright. Please talk to me."
Ginny didn't know how long she cried but slowly, her tears dried out and she drew a shuddering breath in before slowly sitting up.
"I'm sorry Dr Margaret. I don't know what came over me", Ginny sniffled wiping her tears with the tissue the therapist handed her.
"We all have emotions Ginny. They're what make us human. There is nothing to be embarrassed about."
Ginny released a shuddering breath, nodding and exhaled,"I'm going to break up with Harry today."
Dr. Margaret stood up slowly and gave her a measuring look as she sat on the edge of the desk near her, "Do you want to talk about what happened today first?"
Ginny shook her head, "I know what happened. It's been happening for years now. You were right. The last time when we discussed this I still- I still didn't want to see it. I didn't want to accept it, didn't want to acknowledge…that I was lying to myself"
"Ginny you shouldn't blame yourself."
Ginny couldn't help the sardonic laugh that escaped her, "Why not? Isn't that what you have been trying to make me realise? That I I don't love Harry, I just loved Harry Potter, the idea of him. "
Ginny couldn't stand the pitying look was giving her. She wanted to break something.
"Ginny. You told me you love Harry. And that Harry loves you. You also say that Harry loves his friend, Hermione. So do you think he's lying to you? That he doesn't love you?
"No-that's not-"
"So he does love you? But he also loves Hermione? How do you think that's possible? For two things to be true at the same time?"
Ginny felt her anger give way to confusion as she gazed up at the therapist.
"Ginny, the same way Harry is capable of loving two people at the same time, you are also capable of loving two people at the same time. Harry the man, and Harry the idea."
"You said you met Harry when you both were children and you always admired him as a sort of hero? And then he saved you from a murderer?"Dr. Margaret asked, referring to the muggle translation of events from second year that ginny had told her.
"Before you knew Harry the man, you already loved Harry the idea. It is a common enough phenomenon. Then when you both grew up, you realised that Harry the man was just as great as you had imagined as a child and your love grew together. You were happy then weren't you? Before he had to run away and hide from the people who killed his parents?"
Ginny nodded, bemusedly wondering how Dr Margaret had even believed this rather confusing and haphazard sequence of events let alone understand their gravity.
"Do you think it possible that the Harry that came back…was just not the Harry that left? "
Ginny felt a cold feeling pass over her body.
Memories hitting her in waves.
How Harry had told Hermione and Ron that he was leaving to die in the forest. He didn't look for her. Not when he thought he would die and not even afterwards, when he came back alive. She had looked for him, desperate to see that he was alright, to hold him.
How she had approached him, after months of waiting, to restart their relationship again, thinking he was giving her space with her family to grieve.
How once they were together, he would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and she hadn't known why or how to help.
How he wouldn't smile or laugh with her, the way they used to, always stuck in some memory he couldn't seem to escape from.
How his love for Quidditch had faded into a love solely for flying, resisting her efforts to renew it for years until his interest rekindled but only to a flame compared to the burning love for the game they had shared before.
How the way he kissed her had changed. From the wildfire that had ignited her blood to a slow, deep flame.
How he never talked to Ginny about Sirius, or his parents or any of the people they had lost as if she was only allowed to see the lighter parts of him where before the war he gave her his everything.
If the flood of memories inundating Ginny was overwhelming, the realization of their significance in relation to Hermione felt as inexorable and devastating as the relentless sea, poised to engulf her entirely
How in the times he had woken up screaming, many of those screams were for Hermione, panicking more and more until Ginny was able to floo Ron and ask him to bring Hermione and calm him down.
How before he used to crave Ginny's touch but since the war he had a constant physical awareness of Hermione's presence automatically turning towards where she stood in a crowd, always jittery when she wasn't where he expected her to be. She had assumed it was because of what happened at Malfoy Manor but Harry before the war wouldn't have acted on such impulses especially when he had Ginny.
How when Ron and Hermione broke up, Harry visited Hermione first, reasoning that Ron had his family to comfort him while Hermione only had Harry. Harry before the war had never taken sides, and when he did, he would always pick Ron.
How he now trusted Hermione's opinion over anyone else's, even his own. He had been adamant about not accepting the position of Head auror for his team, ignoring their arguments that he deserved the position for hours until Hermione had said softly,'Harry, this will let you keep them safe' and a shadow of grief had passed over his face halting any further conversation. The next day he had signed up for the job. Hermione knew him better than he knew himself.
She had seen all of these instances, rationalised them in her mind.
Told herself they were best friends, thats what best friends do. Even when she flew into a rage as he talked about Hermione's favourite Indian food at their anniversary dinner, Ginny had told herself it was because he wouldn't stop talking about his best friend at their special day, which made him a right git.
But that wasn't the whole truth.
She had known then, she realised. Known since he didn't seek her out before leaving to die. Since he didnt comfort her after the battle of Hogwarts. Since he didn't reach out to her to restart what they had.
She had always known but adamantly refused to accept that the Harry she had been dating, the Harry she had loved, who had loved only her had been taken by the war.
Her Harry that she never got a chance to build a life with. That she had loved since she was 12 and who loved her, and only her, back.
Ginny had lost him. And she had only just mourned.
And when she flew into her rages, when she wanted to scream and yell at him for not setting boundaries with his best friend and hated Hermione for ruining her relationship, she had always been raging for her love that was lost, through no fault of hers.
The Harry she had now had never been hers. He would forever belong to Hermione, who had changed with him, for him, as he had with her, for her.
But Ginny loved him. So she had taken from him the parts that remained, taken the love of which he had so so much to give.
That he was giving to Ginny because she asked and because Hermione never did, because she never had to.
She already had all of him.