Looking back, Tim would never, despite his many attempts, understand just how he ended up in what was now his current situation. Himself and whom some would call his arch nemesis (depending on his level of annoyance and/or caffeine in his bloodstream at the time, he may or may not agree) were seated across from one another, on opposing sides of a table laid out with tea in a darkened cavern, lit only by a few flicking sconces of the walls and a faint, ominous, green luminescence. This by itself was not all that unusual or unnerving, despite the exclamations of his paranoid brothers. What was unusual was that aside from Ra's was a seated and bound Tam Fox, whose passive face, while light years better than it had been during her first ninja kidnapping, was still showing her nerves.
"Well detective," Ra's began, his voice already silky in a way that could only mean trouble, "I'm sure you are wondering why I have brought you here." Raising an eyebrow, Tim crossed his arms, unimpressed.
"To regain your pride after losing to me at hangman for the 16th time?"
"What? No! Besides the fact you cheated- I have brought you here for a much more pressing reaso-"
"But I only glitter-bombed five of your bases Ra's. Honestly, Jason was the one who-"
"No! I brought you here to-"
"The letter was admittedly not my best forgery-"
"Silence! Timothy, I hold you to a higher esteem than your impatient hounding, especially with a friend's life at risk." There was a pause, broken only by the barest shuffling of ninja feet, who occupied the room's shadows, observing the interaction with a mixture of stunned fascination and apprehension. The silence continued on for several minutes to the dread of the ninja and the rising anger of Ra's, if his twitching eyebrows were any indicator.
"Well, detective?!" Ra's finally snipped. "Have you nothing to say at long last?" Tim raised a singular eyebrow, face clearly portraying the "are you stupid?" look he had perfected over many interactions with his brothers and by watching Alfred.
"You told me to be silent Ra's, is your senility finally getting to you?"
"And now is the one time you actually listen to me!"
Ra's rose to his feet suddenly, causing Tim to freeze in response, eyes narrowing. Ra's visibly exhaled, unclenching his fingers from where they had curled into fists and sitting back down. From where he rested his chin upon his steepled hands he spoke once more.
"Very well, Timothy," Ra's stated, a facade of calmness restored. "I am a fair man, you know that of me. If you successfully win a gauntlet of challenges, yourself and Ms. Fox will be allowed to leave. If not, we'll see how long the Batman's training will last against my own."
Huh, Tim was unimpressed. Mind puzzles were more the Riddler's shtick, but maybe Ra's many defeats in Hangman had resulted in a greater impact than he had let on…
"Now Ra's, that deal hardly seems fair. You have all to gain while I am back to where I started. So, counteroffer: I win and both Tam and myself may leave immediately and unaccosted, and you never attempt to make me your heir again. You win and I admit your skills in scrabble are respectable if only because you use words as ancient as you are."
Ra's laughed, the sound echoing around the cavern and causing a pair of ninja to exchange a quick glance of apprehension.
"Ha, I like you Timothy-"
"I know, I wish you didn't-"
"But you seem to forget who is in control of this situation. Your choice is between my terms or forfeit. Now choose." For a moment the flames of the sconces were the only movement in the dark cavern.
"Very well, Ra's, I accept."
The ninja of Ra's al Ghul were used to a lot. Months of undercover missions? Sure. Poisoning a town's council? Did that last Tuesday. Standing without reaction through fits of maniacal laughter? It was practically in the job description (this is the lie-the LinkedIn post never mentioned the laughter). All this goes to say that the ninja have been through a lot, and did they complain? Well, not after what happened to the last guy anyway. One thing in the favor of being a faceless ninja with no identity in service to a megalomaniac immortal however, was…well that whole faceless no identity thing, which made it a whole lot harder to be called out on. Still the monotony could at times be trying.
Shella (was going to be a chef in London, learned she could use a knife in other ways) shifted her left elbow half an inch to the side, which roughly translated to: can you believe this shite?
Antonio (theater lover and actor turned spy) shifted one shoulder up a fraction in response, loosely meaning: well it's "the detective", Ra's is weirder than usual when he's involved.
Shella dropped her chin half an inch in response, which to anyone else would be equivalent to a dramatic sigh of exasperation.
Mostly the ninja commiserate with the American vigilante for being the favorite of their immortal master, a position that was strenuously avoided. Sometimes it was tempting to speak up, gain a little recognition. Should one of them try snarking at Ra's, get a little spark of glory, maybe a pay raise to match inflation as of several decades ago?
"Very well, detective. The first challenge shall be a sword duel."
And then the ninja remembered again just why they were happy being anonymous shadows lining the walls.
Tim resisted the urge to roll his eyes (yes, he was impressed with himself too), instead walking over to where Ra's stood offering up the pommel of a curved scimitar. He felt no guilt in the plan trickling into his mind to win against the sword master who had centuries of experience. If Ra's wanted a fair game he should have stuck with scrabble. They each took stances opposing one another like some sort of American western, eyeing each other like a pair of cobras: not moving but at any moment liable to strike. Tim wouldn't be able to tell you who moved first in the end, but soon they were exchanging a series of strikes and parries, feet shifting over the ground in a deadly dance. Tim would be the first to tell you his preference for a bo staff any day of the week, but as anyone who had even met Tim once could also tell you: he was obsessive as the best of them and a quick learner to boot. And maybe he brushed up a bit after being targeted by a sword-wielding ninja cult enough times.
However, centuries of experience wielding a sword, besides making Ra's old, also made him one of the best swordsmen in the world. In a quick burst of movement Ra's switched the grasp of his sword to his opposite hand, the blade arcing forward to to scrape a deep line of red across Tim's right forearm. Exhaling roughly in pain, Tim switched his own scimitar to his own left hand, smirking for a brief moment at Ra's quiet laugh as they exchanged blows anew. The newest clash of blades lasted for several tense minutes longer until Tim found himself pushed backwards and overbalanced. Flowing with the momentum he used it to push back into a backhandspring but was unable to complete the movement as Ra's striked forward as he found his feet. Tim found himself lying on his ground staring up at Ra's as the immortal mastermind looked down at him, a smug expression leaking past a facade of unconcerned nonchalance. His own scimitar had flown out of his hand upon impact with the ground, laying behind Ra's back and out of reach.
"Well, detective. I have often told you that one day you would lay down at my feet." Ra's stated blandly.
"Way to make it sound weird Ra's, jeez. Besides-" and here Tim pressed a small button upon his gauntlet—honestly, he was surprised that the ninja didn't confiscate his armor, but he wasn't going to complain—which activated a magnetic setting created after many all nighters bouncing ideas of Barbara and more than one small explosion. The small magnet he had placed on his own scimitar responded at once, flying to his gauntlet…and crashing into the back of Ra's head in the process. "-I think you'll find you are the one on the ground."
Staring down at Ra's, sword pointed to his throat, Tim allowed a small smirk of his own to pass over his face. For a moment they stood frozen in that odd tableau, neither taking their eyes off the other. Finally, Ra's put his hands together to clap a few times slowly.
"Not so noble after all, are you, detective?" Ra's taunted, despite raising his hands, signaling the match was over.
"Nobility is overrated Ra's—as your actions more than demonstrate." Both opponents faced each other once more, the only movement in the cavern the dancing shadows once more.
"Very well, detective. You may have defeated me in this first challenge due to your devious chicanery, however even your considerable intellect will be unable to circumvent this next task." Ra's gestured with one arm and Tim followed him wearily deeper into the caver where the green luminescence grew progressively stronger. Rounding a bend in the underground cavern system, Tim saw it in all its accolade: the lime green jello pit of doom. The lazarus pit's waters were misleadingly still, taunting the room's occupants with their seemingly innocuous nature. Tim paused slightly in his steps, a miniscule hesitation which the old immortal caught all the same despite his facing forward.
"Ah, I am not surprised you are familiar with the pit. Afterall, one of its creatures gave you that lovely scar across your neck, did he not?" Ra's seemingly pondered to himself.
"Jason is not a creature and you are insane," Tim responded pointedly, standing his ground several yards from the pit's edge where Ra's stood.
"To defend those who have always belittled and discredited you," Ra's tutted to himself in a manner unnervingly similar to Damian, "you truly deserve better, Timothy." Tim remained silent to the taunt. Truly, it was a shame that a manipulative megalomaniac was the only one to voice aloud the shameful thoughts that at times whispered at the edges of his consciousness. In the face of Tim's silence, Ra's was forced to speak once more.
"While those you call family-" and here Ra's sniffed pointedly, "-may not give you the respect you deserve, I do. And I can only imagine the prowess you would achieve should your pesky inhibitions be removed."
"What? Like having morals," Tim huffed back in annoyance. Somewhat tellingly, Ra's did not respond.
"My next task for you, Timothy, if you and Ms. Fox are to leave my humble abode, is to cross the lazarus pit. Then your pesky reticences will be bathed away and you may truly grasp the opportunity I am generously affording you." For a moment Tim stared, and then let out a small laugh that likely would have gotten a concerned glance from at least one of his brothers if they were around.
"You are insane, there is no way I'm-"
"You seem to forget this is not a negotiation, Timothy." Ra's still was smiling but the undertone of his voice warned against further protest. "You will complete my three challenges or you forfeit: it is that simple." Vaguely, Tim wondered what Tam was thinking of this from the walls of the cavern, where the ninja were firmly, though not harmfully, holding her arms. She did not know the danger that even a drop of the magical pit on the skin risked, and was likely insurmountably confused. Well honestly, that probably was her state for the past 48 hours. Tim made a mental note to give her paid time off and a bonus for dealing with all this bullshit once they safely returned to Gotham. Stepping forward, Tim paused at the edge of the pit by Ra's side. For all his many faults, Tim did not doubt that Ra's wouldn't push him in—that would surely take away his sadistic enjoyment from the ultimatum in addition to going against the small shard of honor he did have.
In one smooth motion Tim reached into his belt, and triggered a small switch hidden in the folds, removing a grappling hook. Firing it with the skill of many years' practice he latched one end onto an outcropping in the cavern's opposing rocky wall and swung. For a moment Tim's breath stuttered as his momentum slowed, desperately hoping he had not miscalculated. His boots just grazed the barest surface of the water when he reached the other side, leaning forward to fall safely onto the opposite bank. Turning around, Tim minutely flinched back at the flames dancing across Ra's emerald irises.
"Detective, I told you to traverse the pit!"
"Technically you told me to cross it, which I-"
"My servants removed all your grappling hooks upon your capture!"
"Well, they did get most of them. You didn't find my fifth backup grappling hook though you see-" Tim cut himself off. Truly, his words at this point were not helping the red hue slowly overtaking Ra's face. Tim remained in place, weighing potential avenues of attack against the danger they posed to Tam and likelihood of success. Finally, after a slow exhalation, Ra's clapped mockingly once more.
"Very well, Timothy. I am impressed by your paranoia, you do your mentor proud. But even you will be unable to undermine my final challenge for you. Gesturing for Tim to join him on the opposite side of the pit, he walked back towards where they had fought. Tim had no issue getting space between him and the jello pit of madness and so carefully joined Ra's, who glanced with disgust once at his grappling hook but made no further comment.
"Your last task is to go into your subconsciousness, look into the eyes of your deepest, innermost fear and kill it. Take its heart, crush it in your hands and smile, and only then shall you be free." Ra's smirked, convinced in his unwinnable ultimatum.
Even the ninja seemed perturbed by this ridiculous premise if the barest flickers of movement in the shadows was any indication. However, just then a bang echoed in the cavern and dark smoke billowed through the air, obscuring all persons from view. A few shouts echoed in the new commotion, and Tim felt a hand grab his right shoulder in a tight grip. Turning, Tim prepared to slam his new opponent into the ground but paused at the sight of a familiar red chrome.
"Fifth backup grappling hook, really replacement?" huffed a familiar modulated voice.
"Jason! How did you guys-"
"Escape now, questions later." Together, they fought their way to the back entrance, and raced into the tunnel which reached upwards towards the surface. Tim saw Tam holding on tight to Nightwing's shoulders as the other vigilante hurried along in front of them. Reaching the outdoor air (never had fresh air felt so good), Tim was relieved to see the familiar sight of the batplane hovering several meters off the ground. Robin was already boarding, quickly followed by Nightwing and Tam. Tim glanced back one more time, to make sure that any pursuit would not be able to prevent their leaving.
"Really Jason, all of you guys didn't have to come. I had the situation under control," Tim began.
"Control? That's what your perfectionist ass calls control!?" Jason huffed, "You should be on the ground thanking us for this rescue, that last task was impossible."
Smiling as he fastened his grappling hook to the plane to board, Tim raised one eyebrow.
"Impossible for you maybe…I had a plan"
Ignore the timeline…canon is tossed away like all of Tim's other backup grappling hooks. This scenario was inspired by when Tim and Tam were captured during his Red Robin "prove Bruce is alive arc" but honestly, the rest of the events don't fit that point in time so just goes with it. Originally, this fic was going to be a parody of the poison scene in The Princess Bride, but after some discussion a series of challenges was decided on instead.
Hope you enjoyed!