Miss Queen B: Hey there all you Wonderful Readers, I hope the New year so far is treating you well. I'm doing fine, I've been reconnecting with a lot of my family lately, working on my Well-being both spiritually and physically, and just surviving everyday life. You know how life goes, it's always going and always changing. In some big news, there's a chance I'm going to be moving out of town around summertime. My hubby was offered a job in Dallas (more opportunities, exposure and money in his career) and really wants to go. I'm still not sure if that is something I want to do since Dallas is a big place and I don't know anyone there, but we're still discussing it. Hmm. Anywhooo Notes:
Note One: Sooo, after one of my cousins vented to me about his bitter break-up and playing a lot of heartbreaking songs, (No, I didn't write this story to make fun of him, it was a really bad mess and a lot of regrets) it inspired me to write this short little sequel to my other one-shot "Embers." Plus, I wasn't in the mood to write something cheesy and love-sick for Valentine's Day since it's not one of my favorite holidays.
Note Two: So, this short story takes place after my one-shots "Embers" and "Ashes" and has a little mix of "Raindrops" in it as well. It is center around Rodan still trying to recover from losing Mosura. Those dreams he's been having about Mosura in the story "Embers" has been causing him to lose a lot of sleep and delusional. Yes, I know, he needs to get over it, but when you've been in a bad break-up, moving on does have its setbacks.
Note Three: Now, I can't say Rodan is "Drunk" in this story since there's no way a Kaiju can drink something with alcohol in it, but he is suffering from Sleep Deprivation where hallucinations are one of the side effects just in case there's any confusion. Rated M for Suicide tendencies.
Soot
~Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter?
They say I'm better off now than I ever was with her
As they take me to my local down the street
I'm smiling, but I'm dying trying not to drag my feet…
They say a few drinks will help me to forget her
But after one too many, I know that I'm never
Only they can't see where this is gonna end
They all think I'm crazy, but to me it's perfect sense…~
He didn't need sleep.
Despite his eyes feeling so heavy and it's been three days since the last time he had a full night rest, he didn't need sleep. Sleep was bad in his opinion. They would lead him into dreams he didn't want to remember and seeing the beautiful moth he was trying to forget. Those dreams would then bring false hope he knew was futile and leave him with a bad headache and depression the next morning. So yeah, he didn't need sleep.
Rodan let out a heavy, drowsy sigh before nearly nodding off to sleep his body desperately needed. He quickly snapped out of it by slapping his own face with his claws.
Next time I'll just claw my eyes out. He grumbled to himself before shifting around in his volcano nest.
Though resting here wasn't exactly helping his situation either. The heat of the volcano and the lazy popping bubbles from the lava was making him very sleepy. Plus, there were just too many memories here, reminding him of happier times. When SHE was around.
How long has it been since their departure? Rodan didn't have to think really hard about that one. He's been counting the days whether he liked it or not. Twelve days. Twelve, sleepless, painful, full of regrets, days.
He was actually surprised they were also uneventful days. He really thought sooner or later, the Fat Lizard would've made his way over to his volcano and killed him for his Wild Deeds. After all, the Lizard's lovely, little Queen shared a night with him and he tried to kill him after everything about his relationship with her got exposed. Any prideful male wouldn't sit on that and let it fade away. No doubt, Mosura had a say in it and she was probably only thing in this world keeping him alive. Though looking at it now, he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.
Maybe it was better to have the lizard rip him apart. It would be less painful than what he was going through right now. Mosura was gone. Despite everything in him screaming not to do it, he had to let her go, so she can fix things with the Brute and her tarnish reputation. She loved him and she wanted him to be happy, but she knew she wasn't supposed to be part of his life. What they did wasn't supposed to happen...
...He wanted to see her...
He rubbed his face in frustration, eager to claw himself to death before looking up at the night sky. Hoping maybe, just maybe, he would spot those beautiful wings. He slowly blinked his eyes, feeling them scratch behind his eyelids like sand due to the lack of sleep, and told himself he needed to stop thinking about her because clearly after so many days, she wasn't thinking about him. No matter how hard and tempting it was to fly over to her island to see her, that small, tiny conscience inside him told him to let her be. She wasn't coming back. She made her choice and sadly, he wasn't it.
He was in bad shape, feeling the same sense of dread, anger and loneliness he felt when his Mate died millions of years ago. Though, at the moment, he didn't know what was worse. Should he even compare the only two females he loved in his entire life? His mate Aegle died so suddenly, it actually took him a day or two to realize she was gone for good. She gave him a chance when everyone around them told her not to bother. He was no good, too wild even for their kind and too much of an Asshole to change his ways. But, Aegle saw something in him, the same thing Mosura did, and loved the softness he would try to hide behind his fiery armor and showed him, if you really love someone, they will change for them. Once he got to know Mosura, the more he noticed how alike she was to Aegle. Though the only thing different was Aegle's more male-like, sick sense of humor. She didn't care about being polite and ladylike and would always speak her mind. She was never shy either and was very beautiful. She loved him so much, she would remind him of her love for him every day, even more after she laid eggs….
He slowly closed his eyes, letting his wings dangle outside of his volcano and went to sleep. His rest didn't last thanks to his dream. The same one that would haunt him ever since he had to let go of Mosura. She would visit him in his dream. Say sweet things to him while luring him closer to her with her beautiful, colorful wings and shimmer dust. Her blue eyes would be filled with Want and Love. He would hold her close, feeling the softness of her white fur against, inhale her flowery scent-
Rodan snapped out of his thoughts before the dream could go any further and gritted his beak tight to keep himself from screaming. No, sleep. He thought. As long as he didn't sleep, he wouldn't have to see her. Out of sight, out of mind, he muttered to himself while looking down at his shaking claws. As much as he wanted to see her, it was best to pretend she didn't exist anymore. Out of sight, out of mind, he repeated to himself. Even if it means staying awake for the rest of his life. No sleep, no Mosura. Easy.
He didn't need to sleep.
00000000000
Sadly, his Out of sight, Out of mind plan burned down like the ash and soot left behind from his wings. Like a cruel joke or most likely a punishment for his past recklessness and crimes, when he was finally having a good day, he ended up crossing paths with Her out of the blue.
It was a bad night, day four without sleep and it was starting to unravel him. What's worse, the place he chose to land and recuperate decided to storm, stinging his body with rain and burning out his fiery wings into black sludge. And to think, the day was actually going so well, he thought while he banged his forehead against a large mountain. He was so frustrated and tired and downright angry while he repeated his last sentence. The day was actually going well.
Not wanting to stay and sulk around his volcano, he decided to use the sunny day and go out for a fly…and it was nice. It felt good to stretch out his wings and let the cool air hit his face. His wings blared with a bright orange glow and fire. The sky was beautiful and full of thick, white clouds. He didn't know how long he was flying or where he was going, he was just too lost in the calm feeling to care. It just felt nice not having to think about how bad his world was crumbling around him. He felt…normal...
After banging his head a few more times against the mountain, he just rested there, letting his orange blood roll down his face with some leaking into his eyes. He shut his eyes tight to avoid the irritation, but it seems like no matter what he does, everything hurts. Even the sizzling sounds from the rain hitting his hot skin sounded painful to his hearing.
I had to go flying today…He whispered bitterly to himself…Of all the days, why did I choose today to go flying…
The wind started to pick up and the rain began to feel like needles piercing his armor.
You're being too hard on yourself…
His eyes trailed over to the left to see his dead companion Anguirus looking at him with concern and regret. Due to the lack of sleep from the past four days, Rodan wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not. Either way, he wasn't afraid, he's been so lonely and with no one to talk to, he'll take the delusion over nothing at all. Not now Ang, I'm not in the mood. He growled, feeling sick.
Like so many fights with his companion, Ang's calm demeanor didn't falter. I'm worried about you. You're not well.
Rodan felt like he was about to crack and snapped his head quickly in Anguirus' direction. YOU THINK?! Did you not see?! What transpired?! What she did?! He shouted.
He lost track of time, lost a train of thoughts and senses flying around and feeling alive that he didn't see it. A flash of orange and blue close by, hidden deep into the thick clouds, and he nearly fell out of the sky from the sudden interruption. At first, he thought he was just seeing things, every kaiju knows if you don't sleep, you tend to see things that are not there, and was about to fly off when it happened. Flying out of the thick, white clouds with grace and beauty, the Queen let out a happy, playful chirp, before gently wiping her face to clean it. She looked different, her fur was shinier, she had a glow he's never seen before and thanks to the wind, he managed to get a small whiff of her scent and even that had a different smell. Either way, it was her, it was really her. He didn't know what to think, he was sure he didn't venture out to her home's direction, and he was sure she wasn't looking for him by the way she was ignoring him. Chances are, a very slim chance, she was just out and about just like him. Them crossing paths is just by sheer coincidence. Using this beautiful day to fly around and enjoy the simple things in life without the weight of regret and despair clouding her mind. Rodan felt like his heart stopped, seeing her after their departure just brought back all of his memories of her and their time together. The nights he would convince her to sneak out, the heart to heart conversations, and the affection he would show her, so he could see her blush. Her sweet scent and angelic voice would always settle him down and his wild flames.
He flinched when her antennas perked up, a sign she realized she wasn't alone and slowly moved her head towards his direction until they made eye contact.
Then silence.
Absolute, heart-beating-against-his-chest silence.
Ang frowned, showing off his disappointment. She didn't do anything-
EXACTLY! Rodan screamed, matching the tone and volume of the clashing lighting in the dark, stormy sky.
When they made eye contact, it felt like his mouth went dry. At that moment, he so badly wanted to say something, anything to her. He was willing to blurt out how much he misses her and no matter what, he still loved her. Maybe there was something she wanted to say as well. Surely, she didn't forget about him so soon, right?
Yet, just as soon as she appeared, she turned her back on him and flew away.
Nothing!
She did nothing! He shouted at his loyal companion before swiping his claws across the land out of rage. Throwing huge chunks of dirt and rocks into the air. They disappeared into the darkness and he was disappointed. If only it wasn't raining, he would burn the entire land down just to release this hurt and anger in him. Oh fuck, he wanted everything to stop hurting.
You need to stop Rodan. Don't draw attention to yourself.
He grumbled and clutched his face with his claws, leaving scratch marks down his busted forehead. I just want to stop hurting! Is that so much to ask, Ang!
You need to sleep. You need to rest.
I can't sleep because I will see her and I don't want to come home because even that reminds me of her. I miss her. This is just like Aegle all over again, but it's worse. So much worse.
How can he forget her and move her knowing she's still around. After so many centuries of being alone and losing so many kaijus he loved and cared about, he finally felt happy once again with Mosura only for it to be snatched away again. He's gone through the same thing with Aegle when she passed away. After her death, he spent a year just flying around and struggling just to breathe and survive. Believing there was nothing left in the world for him until he bumped into Angurius who brought him back to life and live again. Yet even that was taken away, death took him like Aegle. They are gone, but Mosura, she can't die. She's alive and well and flying around, pretending he didn't matter to her anymore.
Despite his wings being heavy with sludge, he turned around and spread them out to ready himself to fly. I need to see her.
~So, I stumbled there.
Along the railings and the fences
I know if I faced her face,
That she'll come to her senses
Every drunk step I take leads me to her door.
If she sees how much I'm hurting
She'll take me back for sure…~
Rodan , you know you can't do that. Ang argued.
I miss her. It was a mistake to let her go. He shouted back.
Don't be stupid. Don't put her life in danger or yours!
Like you can stop me, Ang. You're not even real and I'm not stupid! Rodan spat. If the real Ang was here, yes, he had the power to stop him. He can recall all the times Ang would have to pin him down in order to keep him from hurting others or himself. The fake Ang was just an ugly reminder he was truly alone. You'll see, once she sees me face to face, she'll come to her senses. I made her happy before, I can do it again.
You haven't slept in days, and you can't fly in this type of weather. Ang pleaded, Do you really want her to see you like this? Do you really want to guilt her even more?
Watch me, and when she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure!
Ang sighed and he recognized that tone. It was when he was about to say something that was going to hurt him. At least, Ang uses words to slap some sense in him. He wouldn't smack him in the face or try to stomp on him like the Fat Brute. She's not going to take you back, Rodan. She's gone.
That made him stop dead in his tracks. No, she's not. She just a Fly across the ocean.
Don't be smart.
He tried not to cry because if he did, he wouldn't stop himself from releasing fiery rage over this land, not caring if he attracted the other kaijus or those nasty little Pests. I love her…He whispered.
I know you do.
And she told me she loved me…
And she also said it was never meant to be. Ang said softly.
She came to me that night as well as all those other nights. What makes you think she wouldn't do it again?! You don't know anything, Ang! You thought their relationship was solid and…and…and you can't blame me for crossing dangerous territory, it takes two to tango and from what I saw, she was having a great time with me because I showed her she deserved better! He screeched, pointing his claw at the illusion formed like Companion.
Now Ang was angry, Dammit, Rodan, I wish someone had the nerve to slap you in the face. You need to get a grip. Yes, she said she loves you, but she knew she caused a lot of damage. A lot of kaijus got hurt and you need to step aside and let her and Gojira heal.
I want to heal too! Rodan shouted back as lightning clashed in the background. The rain was getting heavier as the seconds flew by. Just let me see her, is that so much to ask!
You said it yourself when she saw you today, she did nothing. She said nothing because she knew in order for her to move on she can't be around you. She did nothing, Rodan because she wants nothing to do with you. It's done! Ang shouted while walking towards him, slowly fading away right in front of him.
Rodan rubbed his tired eyes. Feeling terribly sad all of a sudden. Thinking about it now, he wouldn't be feeling this way, if she had just said something to him. I'm going, and you can't stop me.
Rodan, Gojira is already on edge. Why do you want to start trouble again?
Oh no, we don't want that, do we? We don't want to upset the whining Fat Asshole? And if I did, what's he going to do? Kill me?! HA! He had his shot and didn't take it! He shouted before shaking off his wings.
Ang shook his head, Rodan, if you truly love her, you will leave her alone…Gojira is not going to show mercy like the last time.
Mercy?! There was no mercy. He told me I wasn't worth it. I gave him the opportunity to kill me right there. I had my back turn and wasn't going to fly away. I mocked that Bastard and was willing to tell him every detail of that night when I took his Queen's purity, but he didn't take it. We saw him kill countless kaijus for far less crimes yet told me I wasn't worth it. He said through his gritted beak.
Rodan… Ang pleaded as he continued to fade in the dark and the rain. I'm begging you, think rationally about this. She's not coming back. She's not waiting for you. She made her choice, and you weren't it and she made that very clear when she flew away.
~And my mates are all there trying to calm me down
Because I'm shouting your names all over the town
I'm swearing if I go there now.
I can change her mind, turn it all around
And I'm know that I'm drunk, but I'll say the word.
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred.
So, I dialed her number and confessed to her
I'm still in love, but all I heard was nothing…~
His head was pounding by this point, and everything was starting to blur. All he wanted to do was fall to the ground and sleep, but he couldn't. He didn't want to see her again in his dreams. He didn't want to relive them getting close, holding each other tight, her telling him how much she loved him while screwing each other on top of his Volcano. He closed his eyes again only to see her flash across his mind. Happy and beautiful in the sky until she saw him. She was stunned at first, no doubt shocked she didn't sense him sooner, only to show him a small bit of pity and regret before flying away. She looked at him with deep regret. Not nervously, flustered or admiration. Only deep, pitiful regret.
The loud thunder snapped his eyes wide open, and he looked around to see Ang completely gone and left him wondering if he was dreaming the whole ordeal or not. It was hard to tell and think. It felt like he was back at square one. Feeling sad, angry and lonely and the urge to fly over to Mosura's home again even if it means dying by the Brute's claws. He didn't know what came over him, but the next thing he knew, he flew straight into the air despite his wings being so heavy with black, wet ash and headed towards the dark, storm clouds. To him, flying was the only way he could forget, a way to escape the need to sleep, the dreams and the memories. The sky was ugly yet beautiful at the same time and he felt safe and lightheaded. The flash of lightning made his head fuzzy and as he flew higher it was getting harder and harder to control his balance and float.
Fuck, he was tired. Even with all the rain, wind and pain hitting all over his body, all he wanted to do is close his eyes and sleep.
I don't need sleep. He said to himself. His voice sounded heavy and low.
Lightning clashed all around him and it mesmerizes him. It reminded of the harsh storm the False King would produce. No wonder they hid in it, it was their way to escape and feel in control of their sanity. Kaiju knows, he's losing his mind by the second. He really needed to sleep.
Shut up, Rodan. He said, flying higher even though his wings were screaming at him to stop. I don't need sleep!
He blinked slowly only to see a blue glow of familiar wings flying above him. It can't be, he thought with eyes widening. Once he shook his head to help him focus, he was staring up at Mosura, who was just a few feet above him. He was seeing things again because even with the heavy rain pouring down on him, her soft white fur was dry and shimmering. Mosura…He whispered.
~Oh, sometimes love's intoxicating…~
She frowned, looking at him with pity once again.
No….He thought looking up at her as he fell backwards with everything moving slowly. Please, say something…He whispered.
She flew down to him and cupped his face with her claws.
Say something…anything…please! He asked once again. Was he really dreaming? Was all this a dream? Was the Mosura he saw earlier part of his sleep deprived illusion.
~Oh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking…~
She softly nuzzled his wound on his forehead before gently shutting his eyes with two feathery kisses. Trying to make him sleep. He quickly snapped them open to look at her. Realizing what she was trying to do.
Falling out of the sky, he kept his eyes locked with hers. I don't want to sleep. You leave every time in my dreams.
Mosura let him go, throwing him back into reality and falling in increasing speed.
Wait! He shouted, watching her shrink smaller and smaller till she disappeared in the dark clouds.
Don't leave!
He reached out for her only to be blinded by another loud clash of lightning and shut his eyes tight. He didn't bother to turn over and try to fly for a softer landing. If it means getting rid of the pain, he will gladly hit the ground with a loud thud. Hoping his head will hit solid rock first in order to snap his neck or bash his brain out for a quick death. He calmly closed his eyes and began to spin out of control, ready to accept his faith with the last bit of pride he had left in him. Will Ang be there waiting for him? Will Mosura cry over his grave like she did with so many lost companions or will she forget about him and celebrate his extinction. No doubt the Fat Brute wouldn't waste time throwing his corpse over to that bitchy parasite to feed.
~When you realized there's no one waiting…~
Then he collided with something heavy, but it wasn't solid ground he hit, it felt like he crashed into someone rather than something. Either way, he hit it and hit it hard enough that his whole body burst into flames. The thing he crashed into collapsed to the ground with a loud rumble with him falling on top of it. Before he could process what just happened and why he was still alive, he heard a loud roar and was lifted up into the air by a thick hook covered in vines. He was then tossed away with little effort, sending him backwards to the floor then all went quiet. He took a deep breath, hissing thanks to his body being so sore and heard footsteps approaching him. Shit, he wasn't alone and from the sound of those stomps, he was trespassing, and he was nowhere near prepared for a fight.
He lifted himself up and rubbed his head. Where am I? He questioned to no one in particular. His dried eyes looked up to see the giant sloth kaiju staring down at him. Part of his shoulder was burnt making him realize the fur beast was the thing he crashed into. What the fuck was his name again? Mosura told him once. Behemoth, what the hell are you doing crashing into me like that?
The Sloth looked confused from his words. I don't want to be mean here, but you crashed into me. For a Flyer, you're quite lousy at it. He said with a light chuckle.
He snapped. After everything that happened to him, this Fur Bag thought his pain was funny! Did he really call him a Lousy Flyer!?
He jumped and flew straight into Behemoth's face, using the male's tusks and chest to grip on to and proceed to strike the confused kaiju. Don't call me that! Don't call me a Lousy Flyer! You have no right to call me that! He screeched, raising his claws up to scratch.
Behemoth took a few steps back, bewildered from the sudden attack. He was told the Sloth was a gentle Giant, but even he wouldn't be that nice. It didn't matter, Rodan just wanted to hurt him. He just wanted someone to feel the pain he was feeling right now. With his wings flapping like crazy and him screeching at the top of his lungs he could barely hear Behemoth trying to defend himself.
Rodan, my Fellow, what is wrong-
He struck Behemoth hard in the face. Nearly clawing the older male's eye out and saw blood. He was so enraged, it felt like his heart was going to stop. Take that back you dumb Pile of Fur! Only She is allowed to call me that NOT YOU!
Behemoth bolted, sending him off his tusks, but before his body could hit the ground, he was backhanded by the Sloth's massive claws. His head snapped to the left before the force and strength of the hit sent him flying across the land. He skidded through the wet dirt and trees, hearing his bones crack and bent in painful ways, before coming to a complete stop on his stomach. He didn't move. The rain was still pouring. His body was numb, and he was so tired. So, so tired.
As his eyes began to close all he could think about was Mosura. When they made eye contact even though it was only for a few seconds.
A few tears escaped his eyes when they finally closed.
She said nothing. She ignored him and said nothing. He wanted words, but all he got was nothing.
Nothing.
He finally caved in and passed out...
~So, I dialed her number and confused to her
I'm still in love, but all I heard was nothing.
She said nothing. (nothing, nothing)
Oh, I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.
Oh, I got nothing,
I got nothing.
Oh, I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.
I got nothing.~
~Nothing by The Script
Miss Queen B: Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you like it and Happy Valentine's Day. Peace.
Please Review, you know I love all types of feedback.