First Encounter by emyjb
wherein we first meet Nicole Wallace and Eames has a frank discussion with Goren
"How often do you get to Carmel Ridge Bobby?" "How old were you when you realized your mommy wasn't like all the other mommies?"
Her words echoed in his head, and he stood staring out her window for a long time. Long enough that CSU finished and Eames tapped him gently on the elbow and said "Let's get out of here."
Back in the SUV, Bobby folded in on himself and resumed window staring. Eames glanced at him, concerned. Usually he was fidgeting if he wasn't talking, or writing in his notebook. But now there was nothing.
"She really got to you didn't she?", she said, breaking the silence. "I'm fine Eames", he answered immediately and perhaps a little too harshly.
"Really?", she bit back sarcastically. "All that stuff about Carmel Ridge and your mom and the mixed message she sent you and the flirting? That was all fine?" He didn't answer, and she huffed in his direction.
"Bobby. Remember? This…" she gestured at the space between them. "Or was that just a one way street?", she said with a twinge of anger in her voice.
He sighed and closed his eyes. He didn't want that space to be one way. He had meant what he said. That it was always going to be a safe place. So if he meant it for her, why couldn't he mean it for himself? He didn't want her to be angry at him. But he knew if he told her his greatest fear, it would drive her away. So he could have an angry Eames, or no Eames at all. "But what if there's a third option?". A small feeling twitched inside him. What if she listened, and accepted it, accepted HIM, and they just moved on? Eames' was the longest partnership he'd ever had. She was fiercely loyal, went down his rabbit trails with him, wasn't afraid to challenge him, and stood her ground with Carver and Deakins. She was the best detective he'd worked with. They were so in sync it scared him sometimes.
"Bobby", she said again, breaking him out of his thoughts, "what's Carmel Ridge?". He sighed. "You could've looked it up", he said. "I don't research my partner behind his back. I'm not like her." "I appreciate that", he replied. He took a deep breath and unfurled himself, though he still didn't look at her.
"Carmel Ridge is for people with…psychiatric conditions", he began. He waited, but she made no reply. "My mother…she has…she has schizophrenia". He waited again. "Oh. Wow. That must be really hard for her. And for you. How is she?", Eames said. He was surprised. There was no pity in her voice, no judgment. Just genuine concern. It spurred him on. "She has good days and bad days", he said, "mostly bad". "Even with meds?", Eames asked. Bobby nodded. "Sometimes everything is great, she'll tell me she loves me, that she's feeling better. Most days, the staff are poisoning her and I'm the devil for putting her in that place." He said it in such a matter of fact way, but Eames could detect the hurt in his voice. He had said he called her every day. She couldn't imagine her own mother calling her the devil every day and it not leaving a scar.
"You told Nicole…you told her that you were seven when you figured it out?", she asked. He nodded again. "She was in an episode. Screaming, throwing things, saying that my brother and I were evil children sent to ruin her. I locked us in our room and she kept banging on the door for what seemed like hours. Then there was silence. When we came out, she was just…gone. She didn't come back for 3 days." Her heart broke for little 7 year old Bobby trying to be the protector of his brother, the predictor of his mother's moods and still keep his innocence. "That's awful Bobby. So frightening for you both. No kids should have to deal with that." Bobby was relieved again that she hadn't recoiled at his story. Her voice was heartbreakingly gentle. "What about your dad?", she asked. Bobby waved his hand. "He was…gone a lot. And when he was home he was a…jerk", Bobby replied. Eames nodded.
They'd returned to 1PP and just sat in the SUV in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Eames knew there was more to Bobby's story, but she had gotten this much out of him and didn't want to push further. But Bobby didn't make a move to get out of the car. He looked…determined.
"Alex", he said. He called her by her first name and that was extremely rare. She didn't say anything. The air was fragile around them. "There's…there's something else. Schizophrenia is genetic." He waited again, he didn't know for what. She'd been amazing up until now so he had taken the plunge. "Umm…I don't…have it…but I mean…", he stammered. She turned so she was looking directly at him. "You think you're going to develop schizophrenia?" she asked. He shrugged. "I don't...I worry about it…what would I do if…". He trailed off. "Bobby, you are well past the age that these things first come on", she said. He blinked. "What? I know things. My cousin. Tried to take a header out of her college dorm room. In the hospital for weeks. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was the only one to visit her. She gave me permission to talk to the doctors. I learned a lot. And they said that usually these disorders first reveal in your 20's." Bobby nodded. "But there's always the possibility of late onset", he said. She sighed.
"Look. I like to think I'm a pretty good detective, yes?" "The best", he answered quickly. "And even though I don't know as much you do about…everything…I like to think I'm a reasonably smart person, yes?" "Of course." "And I don't take crap from anyone, yes?" "Definitely." "So do you think, for one second, that if I thought you were on the road to a mental breakdown, I wouldn't call you out?" "Ummm…" "And do you think I would just leave my partner, my FRIEND, to deal with something like that all by himself?" "Ummm…" "Well?" "No…?", he said, hesitating. She rolled her eyes at him. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I am on your side Bobby?" "Because very few people have EVER been on my side", he said sharply. "Oh," she said simply. Here she was with her giant family that, for all its flaws, loved each other dearly, a now-deceased husband who had cared for her in her greatest trials, a circle of friends that lifted her up when she was feeling her worst. And he had no one. She was it. "Oh boy. Tread lightly Alex" she thought. "Well. I. Am. On. Your. Side". She emphasized every word so he could understand. He looked into her eyes and believed her.
"Now," she said, "is there a book? Or preferably a movie? About schizophrenia?". She saw his look of alarm. "I'm not going to analyze you or be hypervigilant", she said, "I just want to be…informed. You can't make decisions and determinations without all the facts in evidence." She was so serious about it. She really wanted to help him. He jotted down a few names for her. She glanced them over and noted that there were no movies. But he was worth the effort. They sat again in silence. "We should go in," he said. She nodded. "I wrote down a bunch of books," he said. "I noticed". "But there is a movie." "Oh?" "Yes. Would you…like to watch it…with me?", he asked, hesitating. He watched her smile and it reached her eyes. "Sounds excellent", she said. "I'll bring dinner if you want". "Yes, good, ok", he said. "Let's get in there before Deakins sends out SWAT." He grinned at her and exited. She shook her head. She was going to look out for him.