Disclaimers: Naruto isn't mine. This is purely a fanfic using someone else's characters.

Warnings: This story includes strong language, violence, angst, references to suicide/ suicide attempts, & referenced/ depicted child abuse.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Chapter 6: Canary Sings

"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

-Soren Kierkegaard

- - -

"I was nine when it happened.." he started, his voice already shaking. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. This is what he wanted. To show Sasuke his most personal truths. Then maybe, just maybe, Sasuke would do the same. It might even bring them closer.

He kept the thought in the back of his mind as he recounted the worst moment of his life.

"My dad.. he abandoned me and my mom when I was pretty young. I guess he was pretty horrible to her, but I don't really remember much about him. She was a mess when he left.." his voice lowered, "and it never got better."

Sasuke settled in on his side of the door, his back pressed firmly against it as he listened to the blonde. He wasn't sure why he was telling him all of this, but he wasn't about to stop him. Besides, he had been curious about the scars for a while now. And he thought that their origin might explain a few other things about Naruto- like his desperation to get close to people, and the horror he felt when Sasuke said he couldn't stand to look at his face.

"She started out sad, but things changed as I got older. I look a lot like him. And she couldn't stand it."

He could hear the tears in Naruto's voice and was tempted to open the door and pull him into his arms, but he didn't want to interrupt. And truthfully, he wasn't ready to look at the blonde just yet.

"She.. hurt me. All the time. I tried to run away once, but she found me. She.. broke my arm that time."

Sasuke started at that, shocked that it had been that bad for him. And he hasn't even gotten to the part about his scars. He had a feeling it was horrific, and mentally prepared himself for the worst.

"I always wanted to know more about my dad, but I was afraid to ask. I didn't want to set her off. The day it all happened.." he swallowed, "I really didn't mean to. I was digging through a box of old things in the attic and I found one of his shirts. I didn't expect her to come home so early, so I tried it on. When she saw me, she.. she completely lost it. She beat me so badly I lost consciousness for a while. When I woke up she had my hands tied behind my back and-"

Tears slipped down Naruto's scarred cheeks, and he quickly brushed them away. He didn't want Sasuke to see him like that if he could avoid it. He cleared his throat, forcing back the tears lodged in the back of it.

"She had a knife and she.. well, you've seen them."

"Jesus Christ, Naruto.."

Naruto jumped, not expecting to hear Sasuke's voice. It was startling but reassuring to know that he was on the otherside, that he was listening. "Uhhmm, yeah. She.. I thought she was going to kill me. And honestly, after a while I wanted her to. The pain was.. too much. But I survived, obviously."

"And your mom?"

"She's in a psychiatric facility. Probably for life."

His words brought back some of Sasuke's own memories, memories of his time in one of those places, after he-

No. This isn't about me.

This is about him.

And the monster that hurt him.

He shook the thoughts clear and refocused on the blonde on the other side of the door. "Have you seen her since?" he asked quietly.

Naruto gave a humorless laugh and roughly dragged his fingers through his hair, fighting to keep his emotions in check. "No. I don't think I ever want to. If I looked like him then, I'm sure I look a lot more like him now. It wouldn't be fair to either of us.."

Sasuke pondered over his words, trying to collect his thoughts before articulating them, when he heard Naruto's voice again.

"That's.. that's why it bothers me, Sasuke. When you see someone else when you look at me. When you were so angry because of my face. The last person who hated my face because of who I looked like.."

His voice faded out, but he didn't need to say more for Sasuke to understand.

Dark eyes widened. Oh my god.. that must have been.. terrifing for him.

Thick shame coursed through him, tightening in his chest and weighing heavy in his gut. He couldn't believe that he had done that to him. After everything Naruto had been through, to force all of that trauma back. It's.. its fucking awful.

"Naruto, I.. I'm so sorry."

The blonde shook his head and quickly swiped away the tears that just wouldn't seem to stop. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"God, you're a terrible liar."

A strangled laugh slipped from his lips. "I didn't tell you all of this to make you feel bad, you know" he said quietly. "I just thought it would help.."

"Help" Sasuke repeated, clearly confused.

"Yeah, you know- help us understand each other."

"And how does this help you understand me?" Sasuke asked.

"Well.. maybe you'll feel like you can tell me things. That we can trust each other."

It was the wrong thing to say.

The last person who trusted me.. he-

Sasuke choked down the pain. He couldn't think about it. He just couldn't.

"You shouldn't trust me, Naruto."

It was silent for a moment when a heavy thud slammed into his door. Sasuke jerked his head back, wondering what it was, but decided pretty quickly that it was Naruto's head dropping against the door. Still..

"Naruto..? Are you ok?"

"But why can't you trust me?"

The Uchiha sighed. He didn't want to explain this, didn't want to divulge into his own horrid past. He understood why Naruto told him his, and he did want to support him after hearing everything he's been through, but Sasuke wasn't ready to do the same.

"Naruto.. you'd be better off with someone else. I'm not.. I'm not the kind of friend you should settle for."

Naruto jumped to his feet and swiveled around to glare at the door. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Sasuke rose to his feet also, then grabbed the door and ripped it open to meet his gaze. "I'm not what you need. You should be around people who can be good to you. Why the hell do you keep chasing after me? The things I've said to you.."

He took a step forward and grabbed the blonde by the collar of his shirt, yanking him into his room, pulling him mere inches from his face. "Dammit, Naruto- why the hell would you choose this?!"

"Why can't I just be your friend..?" he whispered, all the fight slipping away. He covered Sasuke's hands with his own, keeping them close- seemingly unfazed that the raven still had a firm grip on his shirt. "Why do you keep trying to push me away?"

"Because I don't deserve a friend. Especially.. especially one that looks like-" He shook his head. "What you've been through- you don't need your life to get any worse." He loosened his grip on Naruto's shirt, but stayed close, his eyes locked on the blonde's face, so like the one he had fallen for..

Like the one he had lost.

"If you were smart, you'd stay away from me."

"And if I'm not smart?"

"You don't know me, Naruto. You don't know what I've done, who I've failed. I just can't be your-"

All arguments died on the tip of tongue as he watched those beautiful blues fill with tears. He lifted his hand without thinking and ever so gently tucked a stray blonde lock behind his ear, his fingers lingering along his jaw. "Please.. don't cry."

Naruto stared up at him, equal parts sad and confused. This tender side of Sasuke- he had only seen it one other time. When Sasuke had pushed him down on his bed, when he lowered his head, his voice thick with longing as he told him how much he missed him.

When he thought he was someone else.

Naruto searched those deep obsidian eyes, trying to read them. And failing. "Sasuke.. who do you see when you look at me?"

Pale fingers slipped from his face and dropped by his side. He glanced down at them, missing the contact and not quite understanding why.

"Fine" Sasuke murmured, "I'll be your friend. But you can't keep asking me that."

"I just want to help" he said softly. He reached out and gently grazed Sasuke's hand with his own, but he flinched away from his touch.

"Don't bother" he snapped, taking a quick step back. "There's nothing you can do."

"Can I hug you?" Naruto asked suddenly. It completely threw Sasuke off guard, and he wasn't sure how to respond. His immediate thought was a resounding no, and yet..

He wanted to.

He's wanted to since the first time he saw him. He desperately wanted to pull the blonde, so like his blonde, into his arms- to sink his face in those thick golden locks and breath, filling his senses and mind with everything that he's been without. He wanted to feel his warmth and for a moment forget that his blonde was gone. He wanted to lose himself in an embrace he missed every moment of every day.

It was selfish, he knew that. It was wrong to use Naruto like this, but he couldn't get himself to say no.

Without a word, Sasuke slipped his fingers into those honey locks and pulled Naruto's head to his chest, holding him close. He wrapped an arm around his waist and, when he felt him hug him back, he squeezed tighter. His heart hammered in his chest as his mind filled with a sense of absolute euphoria.

He didn't want to ever let go.

In fact, it wasn't enough.

Sasuke gently slid his hand from thick summer locks to Naruto's jaw, lifting his face to meet his.

The blonde looked up at him, those cerulean eyes widening with surprise. "Sasuke..?"

He clenched his jaw tight. It's not him. You can't keep doing this- you can't use Naruto to fill that missing piece.

Unless.. unless it is Naruto that I want.

He lowered his face, holding the blonde's steady. He could see the uncertainty, could feel him stiffen in his arms, but it wasn't enough to stop him. He just.. couldn't. He has been so lost, so alone for so long, and that face- it was the only one he had ever desired. The face of someone he had loved so deeply.. and yet someone new. Someone he might already be falling for.

"Sa-Sasuke.." Naruto breathed, "wait.."

He didn't.

He gently lowered his lips onto Naruto's, sealing his conflicting emotions between them.