Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.

A/N: Thanks to Eminnis for beta-ing this story.

Chapter Nineteen

The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

For the next hour, Harry talked to his friends and their attempts to try and make him feel better helped him a lot, though by no means healed him. He found himself glancing at Severus a lot more often than he ever thought he would have, but after what he just learned he had a million questions to ask … questions that didn't seem likely to be answered anytime soon. In the other corner of the room, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, and Charlie were talking, Tonks and Charlie seeming to do most of it. However, after a while Sirius started engaging in the conversation too. The rest of the Weasleys, Fleur and McGonagall (who spoke mostly with Molly) were talking too. And Severus and Dumbledore seemed to be talking as well, as Severus worked on masking his feelings again.

"I think we're ready now," Dumbledore said looking at everyone in the room and seeing that everyone had relatively recovered for the ordeal... or at least as much as they were likely to recover in this short amount of time. "It seems that it is either Harry's or Severus's turn."

Harry looked at the Potions Master, and despite the cold stare, felt that Severus really didn't want to read. He didn't much feel like it either, but he picked up the book. "I guess it's mine. The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore." he then sighed. "Well, isn't that just brilliant."

Dumbledore sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose … he wasn't going to like this chapter at all.

Mentions that simply being alive should have been the greatest treasure on earth, yet he couldn't appreciate it:

"Hm... I would have thought you would have learned to appreciate it more than anyone, with all your near-death experiences," Ron said tactlessly.

"I do sometimes," Harry admitted, "but others it just doesn't seem enough."

Mentions his senses had been spiked by losing his wand:

"Oh, that's right," Ron grimaced. "That was difficult for me and that was when I lost Charlie's old wand... I'm sure it would be a lot worse if I lost my new wand..."

"Ron," Harry said frowning.

"Yeah?" Ron said.

"Shut up," Harry huffed; it really was hard enough hearing about his broken wand.

"Right... sorry," Ron's ears turned pink.

Mentions he lost all bones in his right arm once:

"How did you do that?" Sirius and Molly asked at the same time.

"Actually, Lockheart was the one that did it when he was trying to heal my broken arm," Harry explained, in an odd way, talking about something that was normal made him feel better.

Mentions that Harry talked the Snitch, and he was tempted to throw it away, it was useless like everything else Dumbledore had left behind:

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Dumbledore said and of course Harry felt guilty about what his book-self had just said. "I doubt I would have given you anything that wouldn't help you somehow."

"Right," Harry said, and was distracted from his misery for a second as he thought of what might be in the Snitch that would be useful to him.

Mentions there was no map, no plan:

"Please tell me that you think that Harry's wrong about that too," Remus said, for he didn't think he could take much more of Harry wandering around aimlessly.

"I don't know if plan is the right word, but I'm sure things will start to clear up for Harry soon," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.

Mentions that Hermione looked frightened that he might curse her with her own wand:

Both Harry and Hermione flinched at that thought, not liking the idea of either of them cursing or being cursed by the other.

Hermione asks do you mind if I talk to you and Harry says no because he didn't want to hurt her feelings:

"At least you're considerate," Hermione sighed, "Ron would have just told me to go away."

"I'm not so sure about that now," Ron said, looking down at her and giving her a smile, "I might be more honest with you now."

"That would be nice," Hermione smiled back at him.

Harry just rolled his eyes at his friends, thinking that this was at least better than the constant bickering, and started reading again.

Hermione gave him a copy of The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore:

It became silent in the room, for everyone knew that they were going to get some questions answered about Dumbledore that were brought up in the book. They had all been wondering about what was really going on but were too afraid to ask Dumbledore. They had good reasons, as Dumbledore was showing at this moment, he just looked so hurt and strangely normal.

Mentions now he would know if all the things that Dumbledore had never thought it worth telling him, whether he wanted him to or not:

Dumbledore frowned at this, starting to worry about this savage nature of Harry's thoughts. He looked at the boy, who again looked guilty.

"I don't know if you're really going to get the answer you want from that book," Fred pointed out.

"Yeah, it's Skeeter we're talking about," George added, "There won't be a shred of truth in there."

Mentions the young Dumbledore and his handsome companion, roaring with laughter at some long-forgotten joke:

Dumbledore's eyes looked faded as he heard this; he could remember that time... he could even remember the joke quite clearly... and the memories were painful.

The captions says Dumbledore with his friend Gellert Grindelwald:

"Grindelwald!" everyone exclaimed; turning to look at Dumbledore in shock. How could Dumbledore be friends with Grindelwald... hadn't he defeated that dark wizard?

"Yes," he said simply, and Harry, realizing that he wasn't going to get anything else out of his headmaster, started reading again.

Mentions Harry started the chapter entitled the greater good:

Dumbledore groaned at the name and everyone who knew that was Grindelwald's slogan looked at Dumbledore oddly.

Chapter mentions Albus returned to take care of his younger brother and sister, but how much care did he actually give them:

Not enough, Dumbledore thought bitterly; how he wished he could change that now.

Chapter mentions what was Albus doing, the answer is ensuring the continued imprisonment of his sister:

So wrong, and yet so right, Dumbledore thought as images of his sister's last days filled his mind.

Everyone looked uncomfortably at Dumbledore, not really sure what to believe.

Chapter quote about Bathilda she's nutty as squirrel poo:

"I didn't know that squirrel poo was nutty," Fred said.

"We're going to have to test that theory," George said.

"I'll let you handle that one," Fred said grimacing at the thought.

"We can trick Ron into doing it," George said.

"Oi," Ron protested.

"Or maybe Malfoy," Fred suggested.

"Hey," Draco said.

"Argh … that's right, you're here too," Fred grumbled. "And I just thought of a good way to make you eat it too …."

"We'll just have to use it on some other Slytherin," George said.

"That should do," Fred chuckled.

"Er … how are you going to get them to tell you if it was nutty or not?" Ginny questioned them.

"Nutty?" the twins said at the same time and then seemed to remember how this started.

"Don't know," Fred shrugged. "But I'm sure we'll figure it out."

Chapter mentions enough nuggets of hard fact to string together the whole scandalous story:

"String together a whole scandalous story … she just admitted that she made this whole bloody thing up," Hermione huffed.

Mentions at sixteen years old, even Durmstrang felt it couldn't turn a blind eye to Grindelwald experiments, and he was expelled:

"What did he do there?" Remus found himself asking before he could stop himself.

"I never knew," Dumbledore said, Gellert had always been evasive when he asked... he had wondered afterward what was done in that castle, but it was too hard for him to look into.

Bathilda says I introduced him to poor Albus, who was missing the company of lads his own age, the boys took to each other at once:

"It must have been nice to find someone that was just as skilled as you were," Percy commented, but Dumbledore didn't show any signs of hearing him.

Bathilda says an idea would have struck him and he had to let Gellert know immediately:

Here Dumbledore sighed, he had missed this, someone that he could talk to... discuss things with. He was never really able to do that with anyone else like he was with Gellert.

Dumbledore wrote your point about Wizard dominance being for the Muggles own good:

Harry paused there, looking at Dumbledore shocked … this couldn't really mean what he thought it meant. It seemed that everyone was just as shocked as Harry felt, however, now that he thought of it, he wanted to hear everything that Dumbledore had to say in this letter before he let anyone interrupt him, so he quickly started reading again.

Dumbledore wrote we have been given power and yes, that power gives us the right to rule:

"What..." Hermione started to say, feeling particularly betrayed by this sentiment coming from Dumbledore of all people, but Harry didn't let her or anyone else say anything.

After the end of the letter:

Harry put down the book and looked, as everyone else in the room, at Dumbledore.

"You wanted to rule the Muggles!" Draco said. "You! I can't bloody believe this!"

"You can't," Hermione said, and looked at Dumbledore pleadingly, as if she was hoping that he would say that this was all some kind of sick joke.

"I won't deny that I wrote this letter," Dumbledore started in a grave voice and everyone in the room gasped.

"Why?" Harry asked. "Why would you want to do that? How could you go from being that … to being the defender of Muggle and Muggle-borns? It just doesn't make any bloody sense!"

"I will never be able to forget or forgive my weakness in this point in my life," Dumbledore sighed, his eyes closed, not really wanting to see that disappointment in everyone's eyes. "I gave up my better judgment because I was so enthralled to have someone that I could talk to and would truly understand me. It did not help that I was already feeling resentful for having to stay in Godric's Hallows, to look after my family...

"As I know you all have been wondering, Ariana wasn't a squib," Dumbledore went on, it sounded like every word cost him a lot to say. "She was attacked by three Muggle boys when she was just a child …."

"Oh dear," Molly gasped, and McGonagall went to put a hand on Dumbledore's shoulder. This caused Dumbledore to open his eyes and look Harry in the eyes.

"She was never the same after that," there was no twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes as he said this, "she tried to stop being a witch … but power like that doesn't just go away and it …."

"So, you were angry at the Muggles for what they did," Draco said, looking disgusted at the thought that some Muggles would think of attacking a witch like that.

"I know I could not judge all Muggles as a whole for the actions of a few," Dumbledore sighed. "But I must admit that at that time in my life it was easier to believe that." He looked away, feeling ashamed to admit this, "I believed that if I were to be in charge of everyone that I would be able to make everything better … an arrogant thought and you don't know how much I regret all of this now."

"It's okay Dumbledore," Hermione said. "I can see why you would feel this way … sort of … and it's not like you ever did anything to act on your thoughts. Besides, doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?"

Dumbledore bowed his head toward Hermione, glad that she could accept his mistake so easily.

"Is that where that came from, your willingness to give everyone a second chance," Sirius grumbled.

"Perhaps," Dumbledore said. He hadn't ever really thought of the root of this before. "I do know that anyone is capable of making a decision that they will regret and that if they truly mean it, they should have the opportunity to try and fix it."

"It's still hard to believe that you ever thought this way," Draco said, and there were several people who agreed with this, still numb from this revelation.

After a moment of silence Harry decided to start reading again.

Chapter mentions how hollow those speeches promoting Muggle right seem in light of his damning new evidence:

"That's true... if my dad got a hand on these letters now, he would be able to bring you down even farther than you are now," Draco said. "I don't think anyone would trust you again."

"Hm..." Dumbledore frowned, "that is probably true."

"Well that definitely wouldn't be good," Hermione said, "we need Dumbledore to be the symbol of the light side. Besides, I think what Skeeter had just said is a load of rubbish. I mean Dumbledore you really do support Muggle rights … it doesn't matter what you thought then."

"Oh, it matters, trust me, it matters," Draco said. "Just a shred of doubt could be damning to him."

Chapter mentions Ariana dying, and Gellert was there and he came back to my house all of a dither and Portkey away:

"Did he kill your sister...?" several people started to ask at once.

Dumbledore couldn't answer that... for one he didn't know the answer and for another it was his fault no matter who was the one that cast the curse. His sister had to pay the gravest price of his error.

Harry grimaced at this, he knew what it was like to lose family members and feel guilty about it, but he also knew that what he felt wasn't anywhere near to what Dumbledore was feeling. This didn't really make the whole wanting to rule Muggles thing any easier to swallow, but it made it a lot harder to be upset with his headmaster.

Chapter mentions was Ariana the first person to die for the greater good:

There were tears dripping from Dumbledore's eyes as Harry finished the chapter in Skeeters book, he had been trying to mask them for so long, but he couldn't help it. Rita's absurd questions were so close to the truth that he couldn't help but feel and see everything that happened that day. McGonagall squeezed his shoulder again and he could feel everyone's eyes on him, asking him what had happened to Ariana … about how she had died? But there was no way he could say that.

Harry, sensing this was the case started reading again.

Mentions how much more could he lose, Ron, Dumbledore, the phoenix wand:

Dumbledore bowed his head; it was more painful than he would like to admit that he was losing Harry's respect.

"I'm not thinking this way sir," Harry informed him. "I can't say it's not hard … hearing this … but nobody's perfect … I supposed that has changed, for I did think you kind of were, but I can live with that … and it doesn't really change who you are now that I know how you came to be the way you are … if that makes any sense."

"I believe it does Harry," Dumbledore said in a gruff voice. "Thank you."

Hermione says I'm sorry, but I think the real reason you're so angry is that Dumbledore never told you any of this himself:

Harry frowned, wondering if that was true.

"I've never told anyone this before," Dumbledore muttered, he could never have told anyone this, and he still never would have shared this if they hadn't heard so much of his back story.

Hermione says he loved you, I know he loved you:

Harry looked uncomfortable reading that, and looked at his headmaster who was smiling sadly, but nodded his head.

Mentions that Dumbledore had really cared:

"That's it," Harry said, handing the book to Severus, who didn't seemed to be pleased by this at all.