Disclaimer: We own nothing.
A/N: Okay. We can't write part 3 yet. Cause we need our friend who plays DDR to help us write it. But we shall write it as soon as possible. Thank you.
A/N 2: Thanks to Abigal33, JadeAlmasy, Karen Rhine, Doreen, gavrilnagarian, and Eowyn to Naboo for reviewing. We're glad you like it! (And yes, this story is co-written by the ever-great Puff; I'm not just schizo…) Hope you enjoy this next section, even if it is out-of-order…)
Part 4: Ki-Adi-Mundi's Dark Deeds
Ki-Adi-Mundi is an enigma. Have you ever wondered what goes on in that tall head of his? Well today we will find out.
"And so you see Masters the crack in the giant statue in the lobby is most unattractive. I feel that visitors to the temple will find it to be an eyesore and think we are all slobs." Qui-Gon Jinn stated.
Shaak Ti slapped herself in the forehead. Mace groaned and even Yoda could not resist rolling his eyes. Qui-Gon always had something to complain about.
"Alright Jinn we'll get someone on that as soon as possible." Plo Koon lied! He really didn't care when the stupid statue got fixed.
"Thank you. Sometimes I feel that without me this entire temple would just fall apart." Qui-Gon bowed and left the council chamber.
But wait! Where is that hot little padawan of his? Qui-Gon thought it would be an educational experience for Obi-Wan to take the younglings on field trip to the Coruscant Children's Museum. Oh the horror. And to make matters worse after that they were going to Wilbur Wookiee's Wonder World. (The Star Wars equivalent of Chuck E. Cheese complete with a ball pit, pizza, scary singing, robotical Wookiees, and dozens of plastic pipes for children to crawl through and get lost in.) Oh what a fun day for eighteen-year-old Obi-Wan.
"I think we need to banish Master Jinn to the spice mines of Kessel." Eeth Koth said. He was finally released from the medical center after sustaining third degree burns from the exploding water heater in part two. (See part two for more details)
"I think we can all go home for the day." Yoda said. Applause broke out. Except for Mace.
"What's wrong, Windu?" Adi Gallia asked.
"My quarters are being fumigated." Mace said, "I can't go in there for twenty four hours." If only Mace knew the next twenty four hours would be torture for him. He would have rather had bugs in his room than go through what he was going to go through tonight.
"Where will you sleep?" Yarael asked.
"In here I guess. I'll get some work done." Mace shrugged.
"Oh, the Jedi council open twenty four hours, Qui-Gon will love that." Shaak sighed.
"Ergh." Mace moaned, "Maybe I won't stay here."
"I would let you come stay at my place, but there's no oxygen there." Plo said. His quarters were special designed so he would not have to wear his mask in there.
"You could stay with me, but it would give people the wrong impression." Depa said.
"Stay with me you could but three feet high the ceiling of my room is." Yoda said. "Mine too." Yaddle added.
"You could stay with me." Yarael offered. Mace suddenly pictured himself repeated slicing off Yarael's head. He could slice off Yarael's head everyday. It was so fun!
'No. It'd get boring after a while.' Mace said.
"What would get boring?" Yarael asked.
"Oh nothing." Mace replied.
"Why don't you stay with Ki-Adi-Mundi?" Plo suggested, "He's pretty normal."
"Yeah, Ki-Adi-Mundi, could I stay at your place tonight?" Mace wanted to know.
Ki-Adi-Mundi began sweating like a nervous Gungan, "Well you see, I uh, I am uh…"
"Have a problem with Master Windu do you?" Yoda questioned.
"No, it's just that, uh…" Ki-Adi-Mundi stammered.
"Great!" Mace cheered, "It's settled than. We'll have a slumber party!"
"I wanna have a slumber party!" Adi shouted, "I'll invite Shaak, and Depa, and Yaddle, and Bultar, and Aayla. And we'll do each other's hair. And watch movies. And talk about boys!"
Everyone stared at her. Adi is always trying to relive her teenage padawan years.
"Oookay." Mace said, "You get right on that."
"I think I will." Adi jumped out of her seat and took off down the hall.
"Let's go." Plo said.
The rest of the council members left the chamber. Mace followed Ki-Adi-Mundi to his quarters. Ki-Adi-Mundi was being really quiet.
"So…" Mace said, "How about that bean casserole they had in the cafeteria last week. Pretty rancid, eh?"
"What?" Ki-Adi-Mundi acted as though he had not heard a word Mace had said, "Yes, it was great."
"Oh." Mace was puzzled. Ki-Adi-Mundi opened his front door and they stepped into his quarters.
"Well make yourself at home." Ki-Adi-Mundi said, "You can sleep on the couch. Or in the bathtub, or on the back porch, wherever really. Just stay out of my room."
"Oh. Okay." Mace said, "I think I'll just sleep on the couch."
"Whatever." Ki-Adi-Mundi snapped.
"You seem awfully tense." Mace said, "Maybe we should go crash Adi's party, that always loosens me up." (Apparently Adi has slumber parties quite often…)
"No that's okay. I think I'll just go to bed." Ki-Adi-Mundi said, "Good night."
"Good night." Mace replied. Ki-Adi-Mundi went into his room and quickly slammed the door.
Mace sat down on the couch and began reading a magazine he had found on the coffee table.
"Bald Men Monthly." Mace read the title, "Why ain't I subscribed to this?"
Mace read a few pages of the magazine and then fell asleep.
Meanwhile, down the hall…
"Oh my gosh I used to have such a crush on Qui-Gon." Shaak said, "But now he just bugs me all the time."
"Maybe he annoys you because he…" Adi started.
"Likes you." All the other girls finished.
"No. I don't think so." Shaak said.
"Let's play truth or dare." Depa suggested.
"Okay. Shaak, I dare you to call Qui-Gon and tell him he's a sexy bantha." Adi said.
The other girls burst into hysterics. Shaak looked terrified.
"Are you chicken Shaak?" Depa asked and started clucking. (Yes we know, no chickens in Star Wars, but there aren't any cats either.) (See part two for more information on cats.)
"Alright, I'll do it." Shaak said, "Just to prove that I'm not scared." Shaak grabbed the phone and punched in Qui-Gon's number. Adi put the phone on speaker phone.
"Hello, Master Jinn's quarters, Obi-Wan speaking; please kill me." Obi-Wan answered the phone.
"Hi Obi-Wan is your master home?" Shaak asked.
"Unfortunately." Obi-Wan sighed and then screamed, "QUI-GON! PHONE!"
"Hello?" The next voice Shaak heard was Qui-Gon.
"Qui-Gon?" She said.
"Yes. May I ask who is speaking?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Yes. It's Shaak Ti." Shaak said, "I just called to say I think you're a sexy bantha. Bye." Shaak hung up.
Qui-Gon stood there with the phone at his ear, a shocked expression on his face.
"Oh, Shaak great that was." Yaddle laughed. The party continued.
Mace lay sleeping on the couch. When he was awakened by a door closing. He sat up and glanced around. He noticed that the door to Ki-Adi-Mundi's room was open. Slowly, Mace got up and approached the door.
"Hello? Ki?" Mace called, "Are you in there?"
No reply.
Mace stepped into the room. There he saw hundred, no thousands of bottles of pills.
"Oh my gosh!" Mace gasped, "What is he doing with all of these? Hmm. Well with a head that big I suppose he gets quite a few headaches and neckaches. So these must just be pain pills. Yeah."
Mace stood there in silence.
"YEAH RIGHT!" He shouted, "Ki-Adi-Mundi is dealing drugs! I have to find out where he went."
Mace ran out the front door. And ran smack into Depa.
"Depa? What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?" Mace asked.
It was then that Mace noticed Depa was naked.
"Oh my gosh!" Depa screamed, "Master Windu! I'm sorry. They dared me to streak through the temple!"
Mace averted his gaze, "Yeah I see that."
"Well what are you doing out here?" Depa asked attempting to hide herself behind some nearby drapes.
"I ain't got no curfew." Mace said, "I ain't no youngling."
"Oh. See ya later." Depa streaked off down the hall.
"Oh my. It's gonna be one of those nights." Mace sighed.
He went outside of the temple as fast as he could (except through the lobby because he did not want to get a speeding ticket from the watchful hall monitor).
"Hey." Mace said to the hall monitor, "There's a crazy naked chick running around on the fourth floor, you might wanna do something about that."
"I'll get right on it." The young security guard sound very interested and ran upstairs.
Mace bolted out of the temple and down the street. He could sense Ki-Adi-Mundi's presence and he followed into the dark underground nightlife of Coruscant.
"Man." Mace said, "This is creepy."
"Ya wanna buy some death sticks?" Someone asked Mace.
"Who do you work for punk!" Mace grabbed the guy by his collar.
"I work for some guy with a tall head. He wears Jedi robes like yours but yours are much more stylish they compliment your figure." The guys said.
'Is he flirting with me?' Mace thought.
"Thank you very much that's all I needed to know." Mace dropped the man and ran off.
"If you're in town again call me." The guy said.
"Yikes." Mace said.
After passing several bars, various species of prostitutes, and dozens of bounty hunter looking for work, Mace found a small booth with a familiar tall headed guy sitting behind it.
Mace put his hood up and crept over to the booth.
"Hello sir, how may I help you?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.
"You can start by…" Mace pulled his hood down, "Telling me what the heck you're doing!"
"Mace." Ki-Adi-Mundi stammered, "What are you doing here?"
"Well so far I've picked a boyfriend, gotten offered three hundred different kinds of drugs, and gotten the numbers of over twenty different street walkers!" Mace shouted, "But I started out looking for you!"
"You have a boyfriend…" Ki-Adi-Mundi said.
"Yes!" Mace yelled, too enraged to know what he was saying, "You are coming back to the temple to explain this to Master Yoda."
"Sounds like you have some explaining yourself to do. Attachment is forbidden you know." Ki-Adi-Mundi retorted.
"What? You didn't see me and Depa in the hall a few minutes ago did you?" Mace asked.
"No, but you said you have a boyfriend." Ki-Adi-Mundi said.
"I was being sarcastic. Now, you're coming with me, drug lord." Mace grabbed Ki-Adi-Mundi by the arm and dragged him back to the temple.
"By the way, what were you and Depa doing in the hall?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked.
"None of your business." Mace snapped.
But on the way into the temple, a water balloon fell out of a window and splattered all over Mace.
"Direct hit, way to go Bultar!" Adi said.
They (Mace and Ki-Adi-Mundi) then heard the giggling of several women.
"Stupid Adi's party." Mace muttered, "Scarred me for life."
So finally Ki-Adi-Mundi and Mace arrived at Yoda's quarters.
"What are you doing here in the middle of the night? Watching Jay Leno I was. My favorite segment was on. Headlines. Funny they are and interrupted them you did." Yoda said when opened the door wearing a rubber ducky bathrobe and holding a Snickers bar.
"Master Yoda, Ki-Adi-Mundi's dealing drugs." Mace tattled.
"What?" Yoda asked, "Is this true? I should have been suspicious when you pulled that sleeping pill out of your robe when we drugged Oppo."
"What?" Mace said. (See part two for more information).
"Yes. I deal drugs." Ki-Adi-Mundi confessed, "I need more money. I've got three wives to support."
"Oh." Yoda said, "Understand I do. Give you a raise I will. But you must stop dealing drugs."
"Thank you Master Yoda. I will stop." Ki-Adi-Mundi bowed and headed back to his quarters.
Mace stood there with a completely flabbergasted expression, "He doesn't get in trouble!"
"Why should he? Needs money he does. Taken his wives into consideration we should have when we decided his salary." Yoda said.
"But." Mace objected, "If I told you half of the thing I did tonight you would fire me!"
"And what have you been doing tonight, Master Windu?" Yoda asked.
"Oh. Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow." Mace said and left.
The next day…
The Jedi Council women were all taking the day off because they only got less than an hour of sleep last night because they were so busy wrecking havoc upon everyone. Depa was in a detention center after the hall monitor caught her streaking. (He did allow her to retrieve some cloths before he took her there.)
"And after Shaak Ti called me a sexy bantha, I saw Depa Billaba running down the hall naked." Qui-Gon said, "What if young Obi-Wan had seen that? I'd have to give him…the talk."
"Qui-Gon, he's eighteen, he knows." Mace muttered.
"How could he know? Who told him?" Qui-Gon demanded.
"Ever checked the history of the computers in the library?" Plo asked, "Those padawans go to horrible websites…not that I was looking at them…"
"If you all will not help me, then Obi-Wan and I shall relocate ourselves to some other planet." Qui-Gon said, "I hear they could use a few extra Jedi on Hoth."
"That's the best idea I've heard all day." Mace said, "Pack your winter cloths Jinn, you're going to Hoth."
Qui-Gon stood there in shock, "I was not being serious."
"Too late. You're outta here." Mace said.
"But I will…" Qui-Gon started.
"Goodbye Master Jinn." Mace interrupted.
"Hmph." Qui-Gon said and stormed out of the chamber.
The phone in the chamber rang. Eeth picked it up. "Hello?" He said, "May I ask who is calling?" Eeth turned to Mace, "It's for you. He says you should know who he is. He said something about death sticks?"
Mace slapped himself on the forehead, "Tell him I was poisoned by some bean casserole. And died."
"Oh, okay." Eeth said, then grinned, Ki-Adi-Mundi had told him about last night, "He says he'll call you back. And that he can't wait to see you again. And that you're his little muffin." Eeth said and hung up.
"Eeth Koth. You have just signed your own death certificate." Mace grabbed his lightsaber and started chasing Eeth around the chamber with it.
The End
Tune in next week for
Shaak and Plo's Confessions