Part 6: Jedi Congeniality

Note: We make a cameo in this as Adi's hairstylist and makeup artist. You can sound out Na'sheemanah for yourself just put extra emphasis on the last "nah" So it is said like Na'sheemaNAH. And Qecpfcne is somehow supposed to be pronounced "Candlelynn." Just thought we'd tell someone that.

Another Note: Yes, this is sort of based off the wonderful chick flick Miss Congeniality. But it's better than that! At least we think it is…

"So Eeth, are you having a good time on Kashyyyk?" Mace asked the hologram of Eeth Koth.

"Yes. These Wookiees sure know how to party." Eeth said.

In the background of the hologram the other members of the council saw a conga line of Wookiees dance by.

"As soon as you get back here, Koth, you're dead!" Shaak threatened, "My poor speeder, it was brand new."

"Yes Shaak, I'm very sorry about that." Eeth replied.

"You will be sorry!" Shaak shouted.

"Eeth, you will remain on Kashyyyk until your accident proneness is cured." Mace told Eeth.

"Thank you Master Windu. I told you I needed a vacation." Eeth said, "But you didn't listen."

"I'm sorry Master Koth. It won't happen again." Mace said.

"It better not! If he goes crazy again, he'll wreck another one of my speeders!" Shaak yelled.

The hologram of Eeth bowed and faded away.

"How many speeders do you have?" Depa asked.

"Fourteen." Shaak replied.

"Deal with your gambling problem later we will, Shaak Ti. Right now, put your hands together for the amazing complaints of Qui-Gon Jinn!" Yoda cheered.

The other members of the council applauded as Qui-Gon walked into the chamber.

"Oh…um…thank you Masters." Qui-Gon said, curious as to why he got an applause.

"What is it today, Jinn?" Oppo wondered, "Ice machine in your quarters not working and you're forced to drink your beverages at room temperature!"

"What?" Qui-Gon questioned, "Oh no. Nothing like that. This is a serious matter."

"It always is with you, Jinn." Adi sighed.

"Masters, I think we need to have some new lightsaber safety rules." Qui-Gon said.

"Like what?" Mace demanded.

"I think every lightsaber should be equipped with one of these." Qui-Gon handed Mace a lightsaber with a small black attachment on the end the blade came out of.

"What is it?" Mace asked, observing the lightsaber.

"A safety lock." Qui-Gon replied, "Try to turn the lightsaber on."

Mace pressed the power button on the lightsaber, "It won't work."

"Exactly." Qui-Gon smiled, "This lock can help prevent a number of injuries. It can stop younglings from accidentally hurting themselves if they steal their master's lightsaber. It can prevent masters from accidentally turning their lightsabers on while they are trying to put them back on their belts and they wind up burning their robes. And most importantly, it can prevent naughty apprentices from jumping on couches with their lightsabers and cutting up their master's ceiling fan!"

Poor Obi-Wan. Back in the detention center. After Qui-Gon saw that tape from one of the temple's security cameras, Obi-Wan was grounded once again. And sent to the detention center for three weeks.

The Masters sat there in silence.

"You know." Yoda said, "This might not be such a bad idea."

"I agree." Plo agreed, "I've seen too many younglings getting lightsabers burns treated after they steal their masters' lightsabers. It makes me sad."

"Well with these new locks, Master Koon, that can be prevented and you will not be sad." Qui-Gon said.

"I propose a new rule. Every Jedi, including us, will have one of these safety locks on their lightsaber." Mace said.

"Good. I hoped you would see it my way." Qui-Gon smirked, "I will go to my quarters and retrieve the fifteen thousand lightsaber locks I made."

"You already made them?" Adi gasped.

"Yes. I knew you all would like this idea. And I didn't make them, Obi-Wan did as part of his punishment." Qui-Gon said and left the chamber to retrieve the locks.

"Did that really just happen?" Ki-Adi-Mundi asked, "Did we really just agree with something Qui-Gon suggested?"

"I think we did." Shaak said, "Weird."

"First time for everything I suppose." Yaddle said.

"We will send someone to pass out the new locks to everyone in the temple." Mace said, "Now let's all go home and get some sleep."

The Jedi all left the chamber. The next morning, they all had one of Qui-Gon's new safety locks installed on their lightsabers.

"I like this." Mace looked at the lock on his lightsaber, "It's kind of stylish."

"Mine's pink!" Adi cheered, "Qui-Gon started making them in colors!"

"Aw. I should've gotten a purple one." Mace said.

"It could match your lightsaber. And your cat." Depa slapped a hand over her mouth.

"What?" Mace questioned.

"I said it could match your lightsaber and your…your…hat." Depa said, "You know the purple jester hat you wore to the temple carnival last year."

"Oh I like that hat." Mace grinned.

"Receiving a message we are." Yoda said.

A hologram of a tall dark and skinny man appeared in the middle of the chamber.

"Who are you?" Mace asked, "What do you want?"

"I'm Gib Noslem." The man replied, "Every year my family puts on the annual Miss Galaxy pageant."

"That horrible beauty pageant that makes women look like objects? Ditsy objects obsessed with universal peace?" Adi gagged.

"Yes. That's the one." Gib replied.

"Well what about it?" Yarael asked, "Are you giving us free tickets?"

All the male members of the council looked very hopeful. Finally a chance to see women from all over the galaxy in as little clothing as possible. Ugh. Men. The female members of the council glared at their counterparts in disgust.

"No." Gib answered, "You see we think one of the contestants is a Sith lord."

"A Sith lord?" Mace repeated.

"A Sith lord!" Gib shouted, "And we've heard rumors that she's going to kill every contestant who places higher than her."

"Oh she's going to kill some of the galaxy's snobbiest, most ditsy, women. What a pity." Adi muttered, sarcastically.

"It is a pity!" Oppo shouted, "We can't let some innocent girls die just because they are prettier than a Sith lord!"

"Sure we can." Adi retorted.

Adi had hated beauty pageants since she was a little girl. Her old Jedi master used to force her to participate in the annual Miss Junior Coruscant pageant. Adi just wasn't the type who like to dress up and wear make-up. Adi was a tomboy. And still is today.

"Master Gallia since you seem to be so anxious to help this man, we're going to assign you to this mission." Yoda snapped.

"What?" Adi was shocked.

"You heard me." Yoda said, "Go to the pageant you will. Find the Sith lord you will and stop her before she can harm anyone."

"But Master Yoda I don't want to!" Adi whined, "Make Shaak do it."

"I'm sorry but the only planet who has not yet picked a contestant is Xorex." Gib said.

"I do not think anyone would believe Shaak is from Xorex." Mace said.

Xorex was a planet inhabited by humans. It had lakes and forests and mountains. It was a perfect vacation destination!

"Alright. I'll do it. But only because it might give me the opportunity to slice someone's head off." Adi said.

"I shall pick you up tomorrow Master…what is your name?" Gib asked.

"Adi Gallia." Adi replied.

"Oh. We'll hafta change that. I'm sure since you're a member of the Jedi council people all over the galaxy have heard of you." Gib said.

"And we all know Jedi are not allowed to participate in this pageant." Mace said, "They might use mind tricks on the judges."

"Okay. I'll be…Noleta. It means unwilling. Since I am unwilling to participate in this." Adi said.

"What about a last name?" Gib asked.

"Windu." Adi glared at Mace.

"No, that's too much of a Jedi name." Shaak disagreed, "Make it…Moonbeam."

"Noleta Moonbeam?" Adi said the name in disgust.

"I love it!" Mace said, "It reminds me of my special kitty."

"It's settled then. Thank you for your help Masters. I will see you tomorrow, Noleta Moonbeam." Gib bowed and his hologram disappeared.

The next day, Adi met up with Gib on the landing platform. They then flew to an arena on Coruscant where the pageant was held every year. On that landing platform they met up with two other people.

"Noleta, I'd like for you to meet your hair stylist and make up artist. Na'sheemenah Yenool and Qecpfcne Tama." Gib introduced her to two women, a blue Twi'lek and a red one.

"Hi." The blue one said, "I'm Na'sheemenah. I'll be doing your hair!" She noted the headdress Adi was wearing, "You do have hair right?"

"Yes." Adi pulled the headdress off letting her long tangled brown hair fall to her shoulders.

"Oh. Nice." Na'sheemenah said, uncertainly.

"I'll be doing your makeup!" The red Twi'lek, Qecpfcne, said.

"I'm overjoyed." Adi said, boredly.

"Let's get started! You're late! The first round of competition starts tonight!" Qecpfcne grabbed Adi by the arm and dragged her off to the dressing room.

In the dressing room they met up with all sorts of different species, all preparing for the competition. A Hutt with a banner across her shoulder that said "Miss Tatooine" came up to Adi.

"Oh, you must be Noleta from Xorex! I heard all about the attack that made you late." The Hutt said.

"Uh…attack?" Adi questioned.

"You know, the attack on your shuttle. Some gangsters boarded it and tried to kidnap you for ransom. But you fought them off barehanded!" Na'sheemenah shouted.

"Gib told us all about it!" Qecpfcne added.

"Oh. That attack. That was my ex-boyfriend and some of his friends. Apparently he's still mad at me." Adi played along with the story.

"Oh my gosh tell me about it! My ex kept coming into the salon where I worked and he would like keep pestering me! One day I pulled a curling iron on him, held it to his throat and marched him down to the courthouse where he filed a restraining order on himself." Na'sheemenah told them.

Adi just nodded and smiled.

"Oh by the way!" The Hutt said, "I'm Thamly Quiop, Miss Tatooine." She pointed to the banner, "I'll go see if I can find your ribbon."

The green Hutt slithered off.

To Be Continued...