Disclaimor: Not ours.

Authors' note: Sorry this took so long. Puff and I have started walking together though, so we should be churning out around a chapter per day, except on weekends when I must work and weekdays when we have conflicts. But things will be running much quicker with summer here...until I take off for Europe in July. But don't worry! It's only for 10 days! Now, on with Jedi Idol!

PART 13: Jedi Idol

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen!" Said Plo, the host for tonight's festivities. That's right! It's that wonderful time again! Time for the Jedi Idol singing competition! Woot!

"We've got some great stuff prepared for you!" Plo announced, "Not for him but for you!"

What did that mean? Oh well.

"Now it's time to meet our judges! Mace Windu!" Plo introduced.

"Yo!" Said Mace, "We've got some hot ones out there tonight!"

"Oh God." Plo muttered, "And our next judge Depa Billaba."

Depa smiled politely and clapped her hands.

"And Yoda!" Plo said.

Some people applauded for Yoda. Some people booed. Yoda is known for his brutal honesty.

"And now let us begin Jedi Idol!" Plo said.

The audience clapped.

"First up tonight is...Shaak Ti!" Plo introduced.

The audience went wild as does Plo. Plo was like a hyper active squirrel. Shaak took the stage carrying an umbrella.

"Hi - Hi! I'm Shaak Ti - Ah-huh - And have we got news for you - You better listen! Get ready, all you lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home." Shaak threw the umbrella across the stage and hit Plo in the crotch, "- Alright!" Shaak sang, "Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low! According to all sources, the street's the place to go! Cause tonight for the first time, Just about half-past ten, For the first time in history, It's gonna start raining men!" Shaak shouted. She started dancing Sister Act style, clapping and swaying, "It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get, Absolutely soaking wet! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! It's Raining Men! Every Specimen! Tall, blonde, dark and lean Rough and tough and strong and mean! It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!"

Shaak froze with her left arm reaching upward as if about to pluck that perfect man from the sky!

The audience went wild! They love Shaak! But let's see what the judges have to say!

"Yo!" Said Mace, "Shaak. You know I love you! We've been part of the dog pound since you first started this competition! We got a hot one!" (Hey, he's our Randy!)

The audience went absolutely CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs! Sorry. Mace's cereal obsession is rubbing off on the writers!

"Thank you!" Shaak said, sweetly.

"Shaak you look absolutely adorable. The people love you, you did a great job." Depa smiled.

The audience went so insane that the men in white coats came and took them all away! Bye-bye audience!

"Thank you!" Shaak said, sweeterly.

"Well. Deaf you all must be. Horrible that was." Yoda said.

The few remaining audience members who managed to escape the men in white coats, booed loudly!

"What?" Depa said, angrily, "Did you just not like it because it said tall, dark, and lean, not short fat and green?"

"Just being honest I am. Pitch problems she had." Yoda said.

"She did not!" Depa snapped, "You're the one who has got problems!"

The audience chuckles.

"Well. That's our judges. Think what you will of them." Plo said, walking over to Shaak, "You look terrific tonight."

"Thank you." Shaak said, sweetestly.

"Coming up next we've got Obi-Wan Kenobi with some George Harrison for us!" Plo announced, "But first a commercial break."

The commercial says, "Watch Cooking With Legolas! Tonight at 5, 6, 7, 7:04, 7:15, 7:16, 7:30, 7:45, 7:50 8, 9, and 11! Watch it or die! Oh yeah it's on at 3:12 too! And 4:49!"

Back to the show!

"Ladies and gentlemen, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" Plo introduced.

Obi-Wan comes out on the stage. In a tux. Lookin' hot. Oh my.

"Something in the way she moves. Attracts me like no other lover." Obi-Wan gave the audience his best puppy face, the women all sighed, "Something in the way she woos me." The women in the audience cheer at the idea of wooing Obi-Wan, "I don't want to leave her now, you know I believe and how. You're asking me will my love grow, I don't know, I don't know! You stick around now, it may show, I don't know, I don't know! Something in the way she knows, And all I have to do is think of her. Something in the things she shows me. I don't wanna leave her now. You know I believe and how!" Obi-Wan finishes by giving the audience an adorable pouty little face. AWWW!

The girls in the audience have all fainted. As have the gay guys. The straight guys look bored. Yep. But let's see what the judges say.

"Yo!" Says Mace, "The best performance in this competition ever! We got a hot one here tonight!"

Depa cannot comment seeing as how she has fainted. But Mace woke her up by sticking his boot in her face.

"Eew! I smell death!" Depa shouted, "Oh! Obi-Wan. Sweet Obi-Wan. Beautiful Obi-Wan. This competition has made you a sex symbol! You ARE this competition! I wanna have your babies!"

Meanwhile offstage Qui-Gon has a coronary!

"Well. I am going to have to disagree with Mace and Adi. Terrible performance that was. Turning over in his grave George Harrison is!" Yoda said.

"Ha!" Depa shouted, sticking her finger in Yoda's face, "Goes to show you what you know! George Harrison was cremated and his ashes were sprinkled in the Ganges! HA! Loser!"

The audience was thrilled by Depa's comeback. Yes they have regained consciousness.

"Okay. Then turning over in the Ganges George Harrison's ashes are. Butchered his song you did." Yoda commented.

"Okay." Obi-Wan said sadly.

"Well." Plo said as he scurried back onstage, "Just remember it's up to the voters whether or not you make it through!"

With their applause the audience assured Obi-Wan that he would make it through. Yippee.

"That was such a great performance we're gonna skip the commercial break! Here's Qui-Gon Jinn!" Plo said.

A man hurried onto the stage and whispered something in Plo's ear.

"Oh. We're sorry to inform you that Qui-Gon just had a heart attack and has been rushed to the Coruscant Jewish Memorial Samaritan Saint Windu Flying Turkey Medical Center." Plo told the audience.

The audience didn't seem to care. Who cares about Qui-Gon anyway?"

"So here is Yareal Poof!" Plo introduced.

The audience applauded politely.

"Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea. And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee!" Yareal sang, "Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh! Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail. Jackie kept a lookout perched on Puff's gigantic tail, Noble kings and princes would bow whene'er they came! Pirate ships would lower their flag when Puff roared out his name! Oh Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea. And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee! Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff, and brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Oh Puff the Magic Draaaagooonnnn!" Yarael sang!

The audience was utterly confused by Poof's performance of Puff. But the hippies in the audience thought it rocked!

"Yo. That was a'ight for me. Little bit pitchy. Little bit pointless. I just don't think it was the song for you. It was just a'ight for me." Mace said.

"Okay." Yareal shrugged.

"It was great. You've become a sex symbol. You look stunning tonight. Marry me!" Depa is high!

"Oh my God. Where do I begin?" Yoda said, " Suck you do! Get off the stage!"

"Whatever." Yareal said. And he meandered off.

Plo runs out onstage, "And now Saesee Tiin!"

The audience was indifferent about him.

"Sunny day! Sweeping the-clouds away! On my way to where the air is sweet! Can you tell me how to get how to get to Sesame Street!" Saesee sang, bobbing head around like an ostrich on crack.

"What a minute!" Yoda jumped out of his seat, " Ridiculous this is! Give us a serious competitor Plo! Or kill you I will!"

"Okay." Plo said, "Um...here is um...Adi Gallia!"

Adi was not prepared to go out onstage yet and she still had curlers in her hair.

"Clock strikes upon the hour and the sun begins to fade. Still enough time to figure out how to chase my blues away. I've done alright up till now, it's the light of day that shows me how. And when the night falls loneliness calls! Oh I wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the heat with somebody! Yeah I wanna dance with somebody! With somebody who loves me! Oh I wanna dance with somebody! I wanna feel the heat with somebody! Yeah I wanna dance with somebody! With somebody who loves me!" Adi sang as she danced around the stage like a moron in her curlers.

The audience went WILD! WILD 12! They love Adi!

"Yo! We got a hot one!" Mace said, " A very hot one! A hot, hot, hot one! Why she's so hot she makes Mustafar look like..."

"Get it we do Mace. Infatuated with Adi you are!" Yoda shouted.

The audience burst into hysterics! Who wouldn't?

"Adi. You're great. You know you're great. We know you know you're great. The galaxy knows you know we know you're great. The lawnmowing purple peacocks with gravy know that the galaxy knows that you know that we know...¦" Depa started.

"Get it we do! Great she is!" Yoda is in a bad mood. He needs to go play hockey or something to get his grumpy out!

"Adi you did okay. Just okay. Just get this over with!" Yoda screamed.

"Uh." Plo hurried onto the stage, " Here is Oppo Ransis!"

Oppo gave a mediocre performance of Lookin' For Love. Followed by Evien's laughable performance of Do Your Ears Hang Low. Followed by the only performance Yoda enjoyed all evening, Yaddle with Somewhere Over The Rainbow! Now at last it is time for the final performance, Eeth Koth.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to my homedawg Mace Windu!" Eeth said, " Milk and Cereal! Milk and Cereal! Milk and Cereal! Cereal and Milk! Milk and Cer..."

"WHAT! WHAT is WRONG with you people! Hear you sing about cereal I do not want to." Yoda yelled.

"Well I do, so you just shut your little green pie hole." Mace snorted.

Mace and Yoda duked it out and both had to be sent to the Coruscant Jewish Memorial Samaritan Saint Windu Flying Turkey Medical Center. Too sad.

"Well. Uh...that's all for this week." Plo said. Cast your votes. And um...we'll see who makes it. Yeah. Bye."

YEAH! Cast YOUR vote! Tell us who YOU want to move on!

Yep! You readers get to choose your JEDI IDOL! And unlike American Idol we don't charge you money for every vote you send so send however many you want! Support your favorite JEDI!

Tune in Next Week. For the Next Round of Jedi Idol. Special thanks to the writers of Cooking With Legolas.