A/N: Part 5 of the 6-part 'pilot' episode "A Pirate's Life for Me."
WARNING: More graphic depictions of violence and blood, mild adult language, and a temporary major character death.
Chapter 20: Mutiny
I expect to see my father's head explode to bits all over the floor, but fortunately, it's not his head that explodes. Instead, the pirate that has him at gunpoint collapses, his brains spilling everywhere. In fact, every pirate is shot on sight, including Captain Pig-Nose. In the chaos, I run to the Doctor and cradle him close to me, shielding him from the gun blasts and falling bodies around us. I am able to retrieve my phone, sonic screwdriver, and TARDIS key from the carnage as well, though the key was covered in blood that took on a blue-green tinge when I discovered it (Ugh, gross!). The chaos seems to last forever until it finally dies down, and there is one remaining pirate standing…
Multi-Eyes from Orka's.
"W-what did you just do?" I stare at her in complete and utter shock. Is it just me, or did we just witness a—?
"Mutiny…" the Doctor confirms my theory weakly, fighting himself to stay upright. I gather him in my arms, cradling his head in my lap, as he breathes out heavily, his skin pale and clammy and jaw stained down to his collar with orange.
"Yeah, I saw that…" I say in an obvious tone, "but…why?"
"Is it not obvious?" Multi-Eyes says with a shrug, still training her gun at us. "To save both of your necks…" Her statement sends a wave of relief washing over me, but when I see a sinister smirk appear on her face a second later, my relief is immediately replaced with nervousness as she continues, "So that my madam can watch you die with her own eyes. Properly."
"What?" I frown in total disbelief, looking down at the Doctor. "What's she talking about? What 'madam?'"
"Kovarian…" he confirms, glaring spitefully at the pirate, but he also said the name like it physically tasted bad on his tongue, like it's a name of someone evil.
"Who?" I ask, puzzled, but then I remember. "Wait… River mentioned that name. She said Kovarian was her former guardian and arranged her training to kill you." She also hinted that this 'Kovarian' was affiliated with the Silence, maybe even being the Silence's leader. I glance back to Multi-Eyes, seeing her nod slowly to show that our statements are correct. I frown at her, saying, "If Kovarian is your 'madam,' then that means…"
"She's one of them…" my father answers along with my thoughts. "Vokanari…"
"Ugh!" I say, feeling more disgusted toward Multi-Eyes, now that I know the truth. "I knew there was something smelly about you! You and your fifty-thousand stink-eyes! And here I was going to give you props for saving us, but now I understand why. You're one of them! I knew it!"
"I kept my silence well—pun intended," she says, that twisted smirk never faltering from her face. "Captain Crackpot and his cronies hadn't a clue that I was in fact working for another gang all along. I only just joined them when I found out they were after the TARDIS, but I was never after the TARDIS. I was always after you, Doctor, and your darling daughter here. You see, Kovarian has other plans for you two."
"We know," I spit at her. "You want to capture us so you can train me to kill my own father, while your twisted band of psychopaths watches from the sidelines. I've heard this, like, a gazillion times. Tell me something I don't already know."
When she revealed herself to be a Silence/Vokanari member, I wasn't surprised at all what her true motives were. They're all the same! They don't care about ruling the universe or altering history; they just want to 'rid the universe of the Time Lord plague,' like the Captain said, and apparently, they're not the only ones. It seems like the entire universe wants us gone, particularly my father, but why, I don't know. From my research, he has done much good for the universe, saving lives and righting wrongs, and this is how it repays him?! Why? Just why?
"Did you know that your folks are being held in our most secure base?" Multi-Eyes says with a raised eyebrow. "Well, your former folks, seeing as they were never your real folks. I was told about them the moment I 'joined' this lot. You really broke their hearts, same for your annoying little sister…Hannah, I believe her name is."
It's Hazel, I think in my head, and she's not my sister. Though we're so close that we could practically be sisters, despite being two different species.
"Where are they?" I demand in a growl, refraining from correcting my best friend's name. "What did you do to them?"
"I'll take you to them myself," she says, glancing toward the direction of the TARDIS. "Better yet, you can take yourself to them. Don't you want to see your family again, Nova? Don't you want to save them?"
As much as I do want to see my family again, a part of me admittedly wants to believe her. If what she's saying is actually true, this might be my only opportunity to save them.
"You pilot us to our base in your TARDIS," she continues, "and you join us, we'll let your family go in peace and unharmed."
This may be true for my guardians, but not my real family. "But not the Doctor!" I snap at her. "You freaks want him dead, and you want me to do it! But that's never gonna happen!" I then pause, suddenly realizing something. Something terrible. "In fact…I already have."
"You what?" she asks, puzzled, with a raised 'eye'-brow (ugh, stop it, Nova; now you're just embarrassing yourself with these ridiculous puns!).
"I already killed him for you…" I say shamefully. "Well, not me personally, but I helped. Fifteen centuries ago, I left him, and that allowed your pirate gang to step in and do the rest. Of course, you know that, you were there; you probably snuck in a few beatings yourself. So…wish granted, I guess. You killed the Doctor with my help. You can tell your mistress the good news. Too bad she didn't get to see it with her own eyes." I then close my eyes and sigh in my head, 'I'm so sorry, Doctor.'
"Nova…" he pants, struggling to speak. "No…" He says it like it's not true, but he has no idea how much I truly hurt him. I might as well have been one with the pirates for what I did.
"On the contrary," Multi-Eyes says, disagreeing with my last statement, "it's not too late for that…yet. In which case, there's still time to hand you both over to Madame Kovarian to watch your father die like he should have at the lake long ago. Of course, we're not going to force you to kill him again; at least, I'm not. Though Kovarian would probably force you to do it anyway." She then steps forward and approaches us, cocking her gun. "On your feet, Time Wimps!"
"No!" I shout, pushing her gun toward the floor. "I told you I was never going to do that! You want to see him killed, find someone else! Rather, do it yourself! Why not? You had every opportunity over the last millennium and a half!" If she and the rest of the Silence were so desperate to see my father killed, why didn't she herself secretly release him from the time-lock and deliver him long ago? Why did they bother wasting all that time getting someone else to do their dirty work? 'If you want something done, do it yourself,' right? Why River? Why me?
"Foolish girl!" she growls as she squeezes my arm hard, making me wince in pain. "Weren't you paying attention? I needed time-travel! That's the only way to return to my madam! Knowing that box wasn't going to return if I'd gone ahead and killed him, I had to wait out the centuries with everyone else! Speaking of which, I hear her calling to you now. On your feet!"
Even though I never heard Idris say anything, Multi-Eyes forcefully hoists me up anyway, pulling me up by the arm. When she does the same with the Doctor, he almost collapses back to the floor from the pain of his broken body, but I'm able to hold him up by tucking myself under his arm again. Admittedly, his body weight is a bit much for me to carry alone, but I still manage it.
"Let's see if your little 'Time Lords are keys to unlock a TARDIS' theory is true," Multi-Eyes says, pointing her gun at us again, this time shoving it aggressively in my back. "Walk!" I wince again but do as she says; not that we have a choice.
As we walk back to the TARDIS with our unwanted guest in tow, I can feel the Doctor's weight gradually become heavier against me with every step; his body also feels hot, like he's suffering from a high fever. In this condition, he is in no fit state to walk, but he doesn't have a choice; it's either this or instant death by psycho, multi-eyed pirate. Not that he has much time left to live anyway, because I can also feel our psychic link gradually weaken as well; in fact, it's significantly weaker than it was before.
'It's okay, Doctor,' I murmur to him in my head, 'I've got you. You're going to be okay. I won't let them hurt you again. I'll send that bitch to Hell where she belongs before we go anywhere else.' He doesn't respond, and I think it's because he's either too weak or too angry with me to say anything because I'd betrayed him, which makes me all the more shameful.
Instead, I whisper to the one other 'person' I can trust, 'Idris, if you can hear me, please help us.'
'I hear you, child,' she responds, and a wash of relief floods through me. 'But my thief… He's…fading.'
'I know,' I say, feeling like I've just been stabbed in both hearts with guilt again. 'He's dying, and it's my fault. But listen… We're being held at gunpoint by a Silence member. We're on our way back to you, but we can't let her in. She's going to force me to fly us to her base. We can't do that. If I fight back or do anything else, she'll kill Dad. Please, help us. I don't know what else to do.' My words instantly make my eyes flood with tears, but I refuse to let them fall.
'Don't fret, my child,' she assures me, and I am thankful that she doesn't think I'm a total screw-up. 'I have a plan. Let her in.'
"Seriously?!" I can't help exclaiming out loud. I instantly realize my mistake, and I swiftly cover my mouth, cursing in my head.
Luckily, instead of shooting, Multi-Eyes barks loudly, "Quiet, or you'll share the same fate as those pirate peacocks we left behind!"
"Um…don't you need us alive to fly the TARDIS?" I ask hesitantly. That's the only way to get what she wants…right?
"I only need one of you alive to fly the TARDIS," she points out. "Your father is as good as dead already. Madame Kovarian only wants his body—the real one—dead or alive. Preferably she wants him alive so she can watch him die herself, but at this point it hardly matters. Suppose I could go ahead and kill him right now to end his suffering." She then raises her gun again in preparation to actually shoot this time.
"NO!" I cry before she can actually take the shot. "You kill him, I'm not taking you anywhere! You kill him, you'll have to kill me too! Kovarian wants only me alive, right? You want me, you're taking him too—alive! I'm not going anywhere without him!" After my betrayal, it's the least I can do to make it up to him…if he'll actually accept my forgiveness, that is; not that he has much longer to live to make that decision, needless to say.
Multi-Eyes takes a minute to contemplate my statement before she sneers, "Wise words won't always save your neck, princess. Surely your father taught you that. Now move!" She shoves the barrel end of her gun in my back again, harder this time, almost knocking me over; if I had, I doubt my father would've survived the fall, had he fallen with me.
We continue walking in silence. Fortunately, I can still talk telepathically. 'Idris,' I whisper as her majestic bluey blue-ness ('Bluey blue-ness?' What are you, three?) begins to come into view, 'I sure hope that whatever you have planned, it works. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep Multi-Eyes from killing us. Dad hasn't got much time. The link is breaking. I can feel it.' It's just barely there now, like it's almost nonexistent. I am also starting to have a hard time keeping my father standing, as he's leaning almost all of his weight against me, and it almost feels like I'm carrying a dead man.
'As do I,' Idris admits in a grim tone. 'Get him inside quickly. And don't worry, my plan will work. But I will need your help.'
'Fine,' I shake my head out of desperation, 'as long as it saves Dad's life. I'm not going to let him die, because I love him.' I then pause, thinking incredulously to myself, Wow, did I really just say that? I'm not even sure if I truly meant it or not, but a small part of me believes I did mean it.
"Open it!" Multi-Eyes orders after we approach Idris's doors, pushing me roughly toward them.
Admittedly, I am absolutely terrified, now that we're back. Luckily, I was able to retrieve our key back there, but if I attempt to use the key and get my father and I inside before Multi-Eyes, she'll kill us before I even have a chance to ditch her. At this point, our chances of surviving this together are slim to none.
On the other hand, if I make her believe that the key is still back there with her former comrades' bodies (if they were really her comrades), and she feels the need to go back and retrieve it, my father and I may have a chance, after all. No harm in trying, I think to myself. I hope.
"Sorry," I bluff with a sneer, turning to her, "I think I left my key back there. You'll have to go back and get it for us. I can't carry him all the way back with you. He won't make it." If she doesn't take the bluff, we're screwed.
Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to be easily as fooled as everyone else was. "I know what you're trying to do, little Einstein," she sneers back at me, "and it won't work. That's right, I'm familiar with Earth history too. They say the Doctor can open the TARDIS doors with just the snap of his fingers. So how about it, Doc? Care to show off some of your timeless magic? Or is he too far gone to have any kind of clue?"
My father doesn't acknowledge her in any way, not even with a simple head-lift. Good riddance, I think with a snort. Of course, it could just be from weakness, but I can imagine he pays her no mind out of defiance, which I would greatly admire him for even if he wasn't far gone.
"Why would you care about his health?" I growl in my own defiance. "You did this to him!"
"With your help, like you said yourself," she snaps back at me. "I regret to say, you're not as bright as I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be smart like your father. Clearly they didn't teach you well enough in school."
"I'm smart enough to know that it's not wise to let a psychopath into one's home," I snap back at her, "much less become one. You'll never make me into one of you, no matter what you do to me!" Even if they were to force me to burn through all of my regenerations one-by-one, I wouldn't care even then. If I reach the end of my cycle and die, then so be it. Dying as myself is far better than dying as a killer, and I am no killer, nor will I ever be in the future either.
Then again, maybe I did end up killing the mutt and that 'Frowler' guy with my energy, but those were accidents. I didn't exactly have control of my energy back then…at least, I think I didn't.
Multi-Eyes then sniggers at me with a smirk. "You sure about that, sweet-cheeks? Because I would hate for something awful to happen to your family. You wouldn't want them to get hurt, would you? Besides the Doctor, of course. See, if you don't do as we say, they may have to pay the price. You wouldn't want that, would you?"
This statement suddenly makes me think of my dream last night, when I saw my father-guardian electrocuted in that dark place…somewhere in their base. I don't even know if he's still alive, or if that was even real. If it was, I could've seen my father-guardian killed, for all I know; therefore, he could be dead, and my mother-guardian and Hazel may end up suffering the same fate. And then there's my bio-father with me right now, beaten, broken, and dying because of me.
'Nova, it's alright,' Idris says, sensing my anger and nervousness. 'Let her in.'
As much as I don't want to, I don't have a choice. If I don't do as this twisted psychopath says, I may end up losing everyone, including the Doctor and River. God, I hope she's okay too, I prey, thinking of my bio-mother, wherever she is in Space-Time.
"I look forward to seeing you rot in Hell when this is over," I growl at the pirate as I snap my fingers instead of use the key, much like I did when I approached the TARDIS for the first time. The doors swing open automatically.
"Humph…" she snorts at me, "clearly he's passed on some of his tricks to you." That's actually not true; Idris just opened her own doors, but I don't tell her that. Not that she would've paid me any attention, because she stares in awe at Idris's impossible interior; not so impossible to me, however, now that I've grown used to her larger interior. "Wow!" she exclaims as we all enter the Control Room. "It's just as magnificent as I imagined."
I can't help growling in disgust. "Yeah, yeah, it's bigger on the inside, blah, blah, blah," I say with a sigh, not having a care in the universe what she thinks. "Whatever you're planning to do with us, do it now." I take my weak father to the cushioned seat by the console and allow him to slump bonelessly onto it. He coughs in response, and more blood spills from his mouth, staining his jaw, collar, and bow tie. "Aw, Dad…" I mutter as I place my hand over his forehead, and I gasp as I feel the heat radiating off of his perspiring skin. "You're burning up. I'm so sorry." Something in my mind tells me that he shouldn't have a fever this high; it feels like 105 degrees, which is dangerously high for a human. I don't know the fever limit for a Time Lord—I doubt Time Lords get fevers; in fact, I doubt they even get sick—but the Doctor is well past it, and that's not good at all.
"Nova…" he mutters softly as he reaches up to take my hand in his own. He attempts to say more, but he's unable to produce any other words besides my name, which brings more tears to my eyes; he doesn't even have the strength to speak telepathically to me either.
"Stay with me," I say calmly as I squeeze his bloody hand. "You'll be okay soon."
"Nova…" he says again. "Don't…" He says that last bit like he knows what I'm about to do—go to the Silence base to be handed over to our worst enemy, Madame Kovarian, so she can watch me kill him.
"I'll be alright," I assure him. I then continue telepathically to him, 'We'll be alright. Idris has a plan. Don't worry, that bitch will get what she deserves for hurting you.' I glance spitefully to Multi-Eyes as I say this. 'This'll be the last time she ever does. I promise. Trust Idris. Trust us.' A small part of me thinks it's insane to trust a time-machine, of all things, but Idris is no ordinary time-machine. She's a sentient being, therefore she is alive. She has a real soul; I know, because I can feel it burning inside her through our link. Her soul is strong, and I trust her with it; therefore, I am putting my life, as well as my father's, in her hands…well, figurative hands.
"Don't think I'm going to fall for any more of your clever tricks, girl," Multi-Eyes says as she points her gun at the Doctor. "If I see one false move, your father will meet his end much sooner, no matter what Madame Kovarian prefers. Am I clear?"
"Crystal," I say, intensifying my glare, like I'll vaporize her with it; again, if only looks could kill. "Just tell me where and when I need to go."
She then lists out a large series of numbers and letters, which is total gibberish to me. Hopefully, Idris can make sense of it. 'Okay, did you get all of that,' I ask her, 'whatever all of that was? I only got about half of that, maybe less.'
'Affirmative,' Idris says. 'Those were space-time coordinates. All recorded in my database.'
'Okay, good.' I then pause. 'Wait, we're not actually going there, are we? I mean, we obviously can't. But my family might actually be there…' There is only one way to find out, but I don't think I'm quite ready to face them. My mother might, if she was here, but my father certainly isn't.
'No,' she assures me, which gives me some relief. 'We are not taking you there. Not yet. I have a better plan.'
'We need to make it look like we're actually going there,' I point out, sneaking a sideways glance to my dying father, who looks to be barely breathing at this point. 'One false move, and—'
"What's taking so long?" Multi-Eyes demands impatiently. "Need I remind you of your father's fate if you don't do as I say?" As if on cue, he coughs up more blood in response as if to remind me, but to him it was, of course, unintentional.
"No!" I say swiftly. "I was just…remembering what levers to use." That's the only excuse I can come up with, but luckily, she buys it. I then say in my head to Idris, 'Okay, Idris, some help would be nice right now. I really don't want to tell her I was actually never taught how to pilot you.'
'Don't fret, Nova,' she says calmly. 'I'll talk you through what you need to do, but you must do everything exactly as I tell you. Do you understand?' She says all of this with great seriousness, like if I mess up even a little bit, my father is a goner. No pressure or anything.
'Yes,' I nod as I glance toward him again. 'I understand.'
He glances back to me, his hazy eyes pleading and desperate. "Nova… Please… No…" he breathes out heavily.
'I'm sorry,' I say tearfully. 'I have to.' I squeeze my eyes tightly closed as more tears fill my eyes, one sneaking past my eyelashes against my consent.
'Trust me,' Idris assures me, like a mother consoling a child. 'Everything is going to be okay.'
I nod, opening my eyes again. "Okay…" I say, sighing deeply. "Go."
I spend a few minutes prepping Idris to fly, with her instructing me every step of the way. The more I work, the more anxious I feel, as this is literally a matter of life and death…well, my father's life and death. Also the more I work, the more I sense my father through our psychic link pleading with me to stop, but I can't. One false move…
'It doesn't matter,' he says in my head, having read my personal thoughts. 'My life is not remotely as important as yours is. You do this, you will die as well, and I'm not allowing that to happen to my own daughter…my Nova. You hear me? Not now, not ever! Please…stop!' Our psychic link fades in that moment as he loses consciousness again, having used up his remaining strength, but it doesn't break. I momentarily stop, wanting to help my father, but Idris steers me back into focus, and I am urged to keep going, despite his warning.
'Okay…now pull the final lever,' Idris orders me. 'The big one to your right.' I glance over to the large arch-shaped lever that has three words engraved on the sides: "Avanti," "Folle," and "Indietro," which, from my Foreign Language studies, are Italian for "Forward," "Crazy," and "Backward" respectively. 'Pull it down to 'Avanti,'' Idris instructs me.
I hold my hand above the lever, feeling hesitant to pull it. I've seen my father pull the lever before, but I'm scared to pull it myself. Once the lever is pulled, it's just a matter of flipping a coin, and whatever side the coin lands on would determine whether we live or die. I just hope said 'coin' lands on the right side; if not, we're done for.
'Trust me,' Idris says, sensing my anxiety, as well as my racing hearts, which feel like they're beating in my throat, making it difficult for me to swallow them back down. 'Pull it.'
I don't even think this time; I just do it. Once I do, Idris immediately makes her house-key-scraping sound, indicating that we're leaving this once-beautiful planet forever. "Done," I say, turning to the pirate, hoping beyond hope that she didn't catch a single false move once; not that she would, as I doubt she knows anything about how TARDISes work, or if she does she didn't pay attention.
"Excellent," she says with a devious smirk. "Madame Kovarian will be pleased to see the two of you together, and I will be well compensated for this."
As she says this, I notice something strange. Her body begins to fade…as in, fade into nothing, like she's becoming a ghost. She glances around with a frown, making me think she's noticing the strange phenomenon as well. "What's happening?" she demands. "Why is the room fading?" Unlike me, she's seeing the room fade instead of her own body, making me think that this is what Idris's blue box exterior looks like when it leaves.
'You are absolutely right,' Idris confirms my theory. 'We are dematerializing from her world and transitioning into the Time Vortex. Of course she's not coming with us.'
Her statement makes me snort. "Did you really think we'd be stupid enough to let a villain," I scoff at Multi-Eyes, "especially a Silence member, take control of the TARDIS? Pfft, in your dreams!"
"What did you do?" she screams, pointing her gun at me, making me flinch; but somehow I know she can't really hurt me, now that she's physically no longer in the room with us.
I decide to be a bit cocky with her; after all, she can't do anything to me anymore, not even shoot me. "I kept my silence well," I say, crossing my arms over my chest (yeah, back atcha, bitch!). "I set the TARDIS in flight to the coordinates like you asked, except I really didn't; I just made it look like I did, via the TARDIS's help. In actuality, I just set the Old Girl to transition into the Time Vortex, but unfortunately for you, you're not invited. So basically, long story short, you're being left behind. Didn't see that coming, did you, despite your multi-eyes? And yes, that last pun was intended, if you caught it."
Nova Song, one; Multi-Eyes, zero!
She must've seen the score as well, because she raises her gun higher. "You'll die for this, you devious little devil!" she screams as she begins shooting at me without warning. However, I feel no pain; of course not, because her energy blasts are just sailing right through me but not hitting me. Instead, there is the sound of energy blasts hitting a solid wall, particularly the one behind where Idris parked on the planet. Multi-Eyes attempts to shoot the Doctor as well, only to get the same results. She's pretty much shooting at nothing in here; however, I can't help but laugh at the fact that she's wasting all of her shots on nothing as well.
"Yeah, keep shooting!" I praise her stupidity. "Waste all that ammo on absolutely nothing! Can't shoot at us while you're being left behind. Sorry but not sorry!" Eventually, she does end up running out of ammo, and I grin at this. "See, that's what I'm talking about. Say 'hi' to the mutts for me, assuming they don't eat you first! See ya!" I say this last bit with a childlike wave, like one would give to a bully who had been told off by a teacher and is being sent to the principal's office as punishment.
Multi-Eyes growls as she steps forward in an attempt to tackle me, "I'll get you, you little—!" However, she is unable to finish her sentence as she fades away entirely, leaving no trace of ever having stood foot in the room.
"Oh, sorry," I taunt, like she hadn't completely left yet, "didn't catch that last bit. Oh well, probably for the best anyway." I then smile, feeling victorious. "Ha! That was pun! Get it? 'Pun,' as in 'fun?'" Okay, I take it back; I'm not completely over with the pun jokes yet; not now that I've outsmarted a villain. "Man, I am on fire with these puns today! What do you think of them all, Dad; pretty punny, right?" I glance over to him, expecting him to have come to by now, but he hasn't. He remains slumped on the chair, motionless. "Dad!" I cry as I run to him and caress his cheek, attempting to rouse him. He doesn't respond at first. "Dad, no! Stay with me! Stay with me, please!"
A second later, he finally responds by coughing slightly, trailing more blood down his jaw, but at least he's alive…as of right now, anyway. Our psychic link strengthens slightly as he come to, but not enough. It's still weak; in fact, it's now at the weakest it's ever been. I can feel his remaining heart begin to slow as well through the link. This tells me that he's not going to make it, but I refuse to believe that. I can't lose my father…not him!
His eyes flutter open, and when he locks them with mine, he smiles, but his teeth are stained with orange. "Nova…" he says in a relieved tone, happy to see me alive and well…unlike him, who is gravely injured to the point of no recovery, not even regeneration.
"Dad!" I say, also relieved that he is still alive, when I thought I'd already lost him seconds ago.
"You're…calling me…'Dad' now," he says, genuinely impressed, and I can't help but feel slightly embarrassed, since I've only known him less than twenty-four hours, not enough time to feel any kind of real connection with him besides our psychic link.
"Yeah," I say, feeling my cheeks blush from embarrassment. "It's…become a habit. Sorry." Even though I said 'sorry,' a small part of me doesn't feel sorry at all. It's like I'm starting to feel differently about him, but I'm honestly not sure why or what I'm feeling. This in itself is a weird feeling.
"No…" he says, shaking his head slightly. "I'm happy. I've been waiting…for you to call me 'Dad.' I haven't…been called that…in centuries. It's nice to hear it again…especially…from you. My daughter."
His words make me feel ashamed of myself and everything I've done. "This was all my fault!" I say, feeling my eyes water with tears. "I ran away again. I ran from you again, because I was angry and scared, and I shouldn't have! I'm so sorry, Dad! Please forgive me!" Tears begin rolling down my cheeks after I say this.
"Hey…" my father says, caressing my cheeks as a way of protecting them from my tears. "There's nothing to forgive. Despite what happened to me…you did the right thing. If you…hadn't left when you did…the pirates would've gotten you too. I would never have forgiven myself if you'd gotten hurt."
"I don't forgive myself for getting you hurt," I say, holding his hand in place on my cheek. "All of this was because of me, because I wasn't there to save you. To protect you. I should've been there for you. I could've taken them all before they'd had a chance to touch you."
"No…" he shakes his head again, "you couldn't have. They were too powerful."
"No, but I could have!" I say insistently. "Didn't you see what I did? My energy… I zapped the gun out of that guy's hand! And that 'mutt' thing! I honestly don't know how I did it, but I'm sure I could've taken them all down then!" No doubt those creatures had a well-deserved final meal…with a few thousand extra eyes on the side.
I suddenly pause, remembering, staring down at my hands. "Actually, I could heal you right now! I used my energy to heal Hazel's arm once. I could heal you too!" I concentrate on conjuring the energy in both of my hands and attempt to place them on his chest to heal his broken ribs and hearts.
"No…" he says as he abruptly grabs my hands to stop me. "You can't."
"What do you mean, I can't?" I say with a frown. "You'll die if I don't do this! I lost one father; I'm not going to lose you too! Please, let me help you! Let me save you, like I should've done!" This is the only way to make it up to him, the only way I can fix one of my greatest mistakes.
The Doctor squeezes my hands tightly in his own, forcing me to stop them from glowing. "I don't…want you to sacrifice your energy for me," he pants heavily, struggling to breathe with one heart punctured and the other gradually losing the ability to function on its own. "You…must keep it…for yourself."
"Mom sacrificed her energy for you," I argue. "What makes you think this will be any different?" Besides, I'm not going to sacrifice all of my regenerations…not all at once, anyway. Maybe just one or two… Or all of them gradually over time, I think but do not say, not even telepathically.
"Nova…" he says seriously, like he heard my thought anyway. "Your mother sacrificed all of her regenerations for me. She can never regenerate again. I don't want you ending up the same."
"And I don't want you to die!" I snap back at him. I then compose myself at the last minute, feeling ashamed of taking out all of my anger on him again, especially when he's just looking out for my well-being, as he's always done for me since I was born. "I love you," I whimper in barely a whisper, and I realize that I actually mean it this time. Since he gave me up, I thought I'd never love him for it, but now, I realize that he'd done it to protect me, and he cared that much about me to keep me safe from the Silence. Who knows where I'd be right now if he hadn't given me up. He'd saved my life that night, and I've never loved him more for that until now.
It's just too bad that I didn't even have the nerve to love him until now, as he lays here dying. Dying because of me.
"Ah, Nova…" he says, smiling again. "You have no idea…how long I've been waiting for you to say that. I have always loved you…since the day you were born. I never…stopped thinking about you. Not once."
"Please, let me save you!" I sob, feeling more desperate than ever. "I don't want to lose another father…especially you." If my father-guardian had truly died in that dungeon, the Doctor is the only father I have left, and now I'm about to lose him as well, and I can't bear to lose him. I can't bear to lose either of them.
"You won't lose me," he says in an assuring tone. "I will always be with you. In here." He points to the places over my chest where both of my hearts are, and it makes me think of his exact words he said in his letter: 'you are seared onto my hearts always.' "There is no place, nor time, that you can go that I won't be with you." He then wraps his fingers around the back of my neck and pulls me in to connect my forehead with his, which still feels incredibly warm to the touch.
We remain like that for a whole minute before he begins coughing again. I immediately pull away as he does. "Dad!" I cry, alarmed, as I wipe the fresh blood from his jaw.
Once he finishes his coughing fit, he slumps in the chair, rapidly losing strength. "I may not…have had the chance…to raise you…" he chokes out, barely able to breathe, "but at least…I get to see your face…one last time." As he says this, his eyes begin to lose their sparkle and focus as he slowly loses consciousness, this time for good; I know, because I can feel our psychic link truly breaking now, only just holding on by a small strand that's about to snap.
"No! Don't talk like that! Please!" I sob, lifting his head up to connect with mine, as if that would will him to stay awake.
But it's proven futile as he slips away, his eyes fluttering closed, muttering in a barely audible voice, "You look…just like…your mother…River…my love…"
The psychic link breaks as the last syllable leaves his bloodstained lips. The last little bit of the link withers away until there is nothing… Absolutely nothing, meaning only one thing…
No! I scream in my head. I refuse to believe that!
"Dad!" I cry, shaking his shoulders desperately for a sign, for a way to reconnect our link. "No! Come back! Please! Don't leave me! No!" The more I beg, the more I realize the terrible truth.
I sob uncontrollably as I cradle his broken body in my arms, burying my face in the side of his neck, pleading for him, both physically and telepathically, to wake up. As I do, I think about my mother and what she would say if she saw me here with her love, the Doctor, dead in my arms—dead because of me, her own daughter. I wonder if she would ever forgive me for the death of her husband and the death of my father. I can't imagine a life without a family, as River is the only family I have left now—River and Idris. If I hadn't left his side, none of this would've happened; he'd still be alive…
But he's not, and he never will be. Ever again.
Aside from sadness, there's another emotion flooding through me…one that I can only describe as 'loneliness.' Despite River and Idris still being around, I've never felt so alone in my entire life. It's like a large part of me has died, much like how I felt when I first found out I wasn't human; only this time it's much bigger, like I'm the only one left. Like I'm the only Time Lord left in the whole universe, now that my father has died. We were said to be the only Time Lords left, and now there's just me. There's no one else…just me.
And I can't bear a second of it.
It's them! Those pirates! They did this! They killed him! He's dead because of them…because of her, that multi-eyed witch! I wish I could take her gun and blast her into nothingness, if the mutts haven't gotten to her first; if they hadn't, maybe I still have time. She deserves it after what she did…what they did, the Silence included!
'I'm sorry, Nova,' Idris says sympathetically. 'I understand the guilt and anger you're feeling, but killing that pirate won't bring your father back.'
"I don't care!" I growl darkly, still cradling my dead father. "She deserves it! All of them! The Silence included! They did this to him! To us! They should all be destroyed!"
'Nova, no!' she says seriously. 'What you're saying is wrong! Revenge is not the way. Trust me, I know. Your father had gone down that path many times, and it had not ended well. Don't make the same mistakes he made. He wouldn't want that for you. Nor would your mother…and nor would I.'
"How would you know what they would want?" I say, frowning incredulously. "Mom's not here, and Dad's dead! Both of them are, for all I know, including my other mom and Hazel! They can't stop me, and nor can you! That multi-eyed witch deserves to die for what she did! They all do! They did this to us, and they're gonna pay for it!" That so-called 'Vokanari' took everything and everyone from me! Hazel…the people who raised me…my father…any shot I have—had—at a normal life… Simply taking everything from them isn't enough; they deserve way worse than that! They deserve way worse than even rotting in Hell.
The more I think about it, the angrier I feel. My vision takes on a golden tinge again as I pull away from my father's corpse and face the console. "You're going to take me back to that place," I growl, "and you're going to do it now!"
'Nova—' Idris starts to protest, but I don't want to hear a word of it. Nothing matters to me more than putting a bullet, or whatever deadly object I can find, through that multi-eyed hag's heart (or however many hearts she has), as well as all the hearts of every Silence/Vokanari member in the universe, including Madame Kovarian.
"DO IT!" I demand, feeling my blood boil in my veins. "Take me back right now! And don't try to stop me this time! You'll regret it if you do! DO IT NOW!"
With great reluctance, Idris sets herself to pilot back to the planet. I can sense through our psychic link that she's very uneasy about my lust for revenge, but I ignore it and focus on the console, making sure she's taking me to the correct place and time; though if she doesn't, I'm honestly not sure what I'll do, but it won't be anything pleasant.
The moment we arrive, without thinking twice, I immediately turn on my heel and storm out the doors, eyes blazing with fire and fury.
I spot her staring incredulously at me, standing at the exact spot we left her just minutes ago, wondering why I had decided to return. Her expression changes in the blink of an eye once she sees me approaching her like an oncoming storm, the raging fire burning intensely in my eyes. I must look like Hell Incarnate to her, and that's exactly how I want her to see me. In fact, this version of me will be the last thing she'll ever see.
"Why are you here?" she asks me as she starts to back away fearfully from me, raising her empty gun in my direction as a way to scare me, but it does absolutely no such thing. I instinctively raise my palm and blast the gun out of her hands with my energy, this time actually meaning to do it (though how I did it, I have no idea). She screams in genuine terror.
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" I scream angrily at her. "HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!" I immediately grab the nearest sharp object I can find from one of the piles of debris—a support beam of sorts—and approach the pirate with it, brandishing it like a baseball bat. I can feel the jagged edges cutting my hands as I swipe at her with it, but I ignore the pain, too focused on my lust for revenge to care.
The pirate dodges my attacks, but then she loses her balance and falls backwards on her backside, and I take the opportunity to strike her down right there. "Wait!" she says as she raises her hands up to stop me. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
I know what she's trying to do, and it won't work. I will not let her, or any of them, win! "I do!" I say seriously. "You deserve to die for what you did! All of you deserve to die! Dad wouldn't have died if it weren't for you sick freaks! I'll hunt all of you down, including Madame Kovarian, and I won't stop until all of you are dead! Starting with you! Consider this as 'getting even!'" My words briefly make me think of the famous Inigo Montoya quote from The Princess Bride, about enacting revenge on the six-fingered man for killing his father, and I plan on doing the exact same thing to Multi-Eyes to avenge my own father. At that moment, I raise the beam above my head in preparation to strike the blow that would ultimately end her life.
Before I do, Multi-Eyes grins at me, saying, "Do it! I dare you! Strike me down, just like we've always taught you! Do us proud, little Time Tot! Become one of us! It is your destiny!"
Her words suddenly make me pause, realizing the deeper meaning behind her words. If I do this—if I kill her—I will automatically become one of them. A psychopath, just like they've always trained me to be since I was seven.
The school intruder's words, as well as the pirate's, spring to mind in that moment, one after the other:
'You've probably been told since then to keep your 'powers' in the dark, but we can teach you how to use them. We can teach you how to use your 'powers' for the greater good…to rid the universe of a great evil—your father.'
'You must have often wondered why your personal training was much more advanced, much more potent, than everyone else's. We weren't training you to defend yourself. We were training you to kill.'
'We can use her newfound power to our advantage. A power like that, she could wipe out entire armies. Forget the time-machine; we could have the most powerful Time Lord on our side. Nothing will stand in her way.'
'Strike me down, just like we've always taught you! Do us proud, little Time Tot! Become one of us! It is your destiny!'
Idris was right! This is not the way to honor my father's memory. According to Idris, he had sought revenge many times in the past, which made him do horrible things and gave himself a bad rap that had haunted him for centuries after. I don't want to end up doing the same dark deeds as my father, but, worst of all, I don't want to become a Silence/Vokanari member, because that's exactly what I'll become if I do this, and I refuse to become anything like them, as I've said many times before and will never stop saying until the day I die.
Sudden movement from a dark mass with beady red eyes—one of the 'mutt' things—up ahead interrupts my thoughts. The mutt appears to be stalking creepily toward us, or rather toward Multi-Eyes from behind, who is totally oblivious to its presence, and my lips unconsciously move in the form of a subtle smile. Since I've admittedly given up my lust for revenge, I decide to leave her fate at the mercy of the mutt instead; rather it be the mutt than me.
I glance back down at the pirate as I throw the beam aside, an action that which greatly confuses her. I relish in her fear and confusion as I say, "No. I'll never become one of you…" I then look up at the mutt, that which growls in anticipation and bears its razor-sharp claws in preparation to pounce in for the kill. I nod in its direction, saying, "But that thing will."
I then back away quickly into the TARDIS as the mutt jumps on the pirate and rips her multi-eyed body to shreds like the ravenous animal that it is. I slam the door in terror at the gruesome sight and slide to the floor with my back against the door as Idris takes off on her own.
I bury my face in my knees against the doors, in shame at what I had almost done. I can't believe I almost killed someone, this time on purpose, as the other times were just accidents…well, sort of accidents. I can't believe I almost killed to avenge my father, the Doctor, the one person who is—was—against violence and the idea of his own daughter becoming a true psychopath. How could I have done (almost done) such a terrible thing?
Thinking of him, I slowly rise from the floor, approach his body, and wrap my arms around him while curling in his lap to find comfort in his cold embrace. Despite it seeming a bit weird for some, I believe that, in this case, seeking comfort from the embrace of a corpse is far better than seeking comfort from nothing at all (I mean, look at Simba from The Lion King shortly after his own father died). Even dead, my father is the only one who can give me this comfort, since my mother isn't here to give her own.
"I'm sorry…" I sob in the side of his neck in shame. "I'm so sorry…" Of course, I am also apologizing to Idris for forcing her to take me back to that dreadful place to kill that dreadful Silence/Vokanari member. After witnessing her death at the claws of the mutt, it admittedly gives me a bit of relief, knowing she can never harm anyone ever again. Of course, that's just one Silence/Vokanari member; there are many others out there, including this mysterious Madame Kovarian. No one is safe until they are all gone, their lives snuffed out for good.
'It's alright, my child,' Idris soothes gently. 'You are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven. I'm glad it was that creature that killed her and not you. Things would've been very different for you, had it been by your own hand. I'm exceptionally proud of you, Nova. So would your mother and father.'
Yeah, I think internally as a response, if only he were still alive… If only he could still regenerate…
Regenerate…
That's it!
I glance down at my cut hands, thinking better. "There is one other way to bring Dad back," I say as I make my hands glow gold with the energy as I pull away from his body.
'Nova, no!' Idris says insistently, knowing what I'm about to do. 'He didn't want you to do that! You could end up sacrificing more than just your regeneration energy!'
"I don't care!" I say, shaking my head. "This is the only way! I'm not going to let him die like this! Besides, the universe needs the Doctor! I have to do this!" And I need a father… I think but do not say. Him.
'Nova, don't do this!' Idris says pleadingly. 'You barely have control over your energy anyway! There's no telling what this would do to you!'
"I don't care!" I say again. "That's a risk I'm willing to take! As long as it saves him!" I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "Tell Mom I love her; and if Dad lives, tell him I love him too."
Opening my eyes again, I place my glowing hands over the Doctor's chest, willing all of my energy to flow into him and heal everything the pirates had broken, including his hearts. I can feel my physical strength gradually weaken, but I keep going, knowing my father's life to be more important. Please work, I plead in my head as I continue. Please heal him. Please bring him back to me.
After a while, I start to feel his body mending itself back together, every rib that was broken snapping back into their proper places, like they were never broken to begin with. Even the bruises have long since faded from his youthful face. I am on the verge of passing out when I suddenly feel his twin hearts beat again, and I feel our psychic link reconnect itself, now stronger than ever.
Miraculously, my father takes in a sharp gasp of breath as he reawakens, alive once more. The last thing I remember before my entire world goes dark is his weak voice saying out of shock and breathlessness, "Nova…what did you do? Nova? Nova! Nova…"
A/N: TO BE CONTINUED!
Did anyone catch that little homage at the end to "Let's Kill Hitler"? Like mother, like daughter, am I right? :)
There was also an homage to another scene from another episode. The scene with the confrontation between Nova and Multi-Eyes shortly after the Doctor died was a throwback to the scene in "the big bang" between River and the Dalek, when she forced the Dalek to beg for mercy before killing it, again after the Doctor got hurt. When I watched that scene in the episode, I thought it was a very savage move on River's part, which is one of the things I love about her character. Unlike most people, she is not one to give second chances willingly. This gave me the idea of Nova gradually becoming the same way. Again, like mother, like daughter. As you read, you will start to see more of Nova's dark side in later chapters.