Chapter XXX

"Knows Best"

Emma Swan was exhausted. It had been a long day from beginning to end. She had sheriffed her ass off and hadn't done too bad at it. Well, she hadn't blown up the town or beamed up to another dimension. So she'd done okay. There was so much to do, though, and she wasn't exactly sure how to do it all. She was kind of winging it. Which summed up her whole life pretty well. Being a sheriff: winging it. Being a mother: winging it. Being a daughter: winging it. Being an almost-girlfriend: definitely winging it.

She was finally back at Mary Margar-Snow's loft. She was going to take a minute and relax. Relax with Snow, David and her kid. They could watch crappy tv and she could not-think for a minute. They could all use a nice quiet night in. It was six-thirty and if she were in bed and asleep by eight, that would be fine with her. She unhooked her heavy belt and looked around for somewhere to put it. Henry was sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop. She couldn't leave her gun laying around anywhere. She buckled the belt back onto her hips. She pulled her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. So tired.

"Hey Kid." She ruffled his hair. "I'm going to need my laptop later. I have to make an Amazon order." They needed a gun safe in the house,and one for Regina's place too. She and David couldn't be too safe with guns when there was an impressionable kid around. She grinned at said kid, "You can pick out something too if you like. A graphic novel or something." She thought over her bank account, "Or a gameboy."

Henry screwed his face up, "You mean a Nintendo DS?" He chuckled, "No one calls them gameboys anymore."

She remembered when a gameboy was the most amazing thing a kid could have. Now you could play Tetris and Mario on a cheap cell phone. She sighed. That was another thing she had to fix. She'd lost her phone somewhere during her drunken wander through town. It was somewhere between the bar and Regina's but she didn't know where. She would rather fight an ogre then call Verizon customer service, but she was going to have to eventually.

"Keep the smart mouth up" Emma banished adult-like thoughts from her brain. "And you won't get one, no matter what they call it." She ruffled his hair again and he gave her a big grin. A grin she now recognized as a Regina Mills expression. She paused, "I'll have to ask your Mom if it's okay." Because the last thing she needed was to do something else to make Regina hate her.

She put her glasses on the counter by her computer and leaned on it. She could feel her vertebrae popping as she stretched. Between the gameboy remark and the popping in her back, she felt ancient, like the Crypt Keeper.

"Why?" Mary Marg-Snow breezed into the room. She had three garment bags over her arm. "You're Henry's mother. You don't have to check anything with her."

Emma wanted to groan but bit it back. She figured that Snow would be a little pissy with her about the article, but her tone was down right frigid. The woman looked like Mary Margaret, teacher and sort of frumpy roommate. She sounded like a stranger, though. Emma sighed. She couldn't handle another royal episode today.

"I'm so glad you're here. We only have a few days to get your dress taken care of."

Emma stared at her for a minute, completely confused. Were they fighting? Wait, a dress? She had doodled out an Amazon shopping list at work and there had been several things on it, but no dress. Had she missed something? She usually kept her calendar reminders and alerts on her phone.

Oh fuck, was there supposed to be some crazy coronation to crown her princess of fairytale land? The only thing she'd ever seen that even came close to that was a couple of scenes from "Coming to America". She was pretty sure that wasn't accurate. Sometimes Eddie Murphy was funny but never accurate.

"What dress and for what?" She tugged the collar of her black polo. "Because whatever its for, I'm going to be on duty that night." She grinned and waited for Snow to laugh.

When Snow White had been pregnant she'd dreamed of the life her daughter would lead. She had wanted Emma to have an idyllic childhood, like hers. She'd dreamed of tea parties and cotillions, of taking her all over the kingdom so she could see everything. The fairies, the dwarves, the soaring mountains and the fertile farmlands, the sea. Her Little Princess, born of True Love. Only Regina had destroyed that dream. The Evil Queen and her curse had robbed her of the chance to raise Emma. First her father, then her daughter. Regina was hell bent on destroying her happiness. She'd had plans and had wanted to give Emma a life of kindness, happiness and greatness. She'd wanted to give her everything her own parents had given her and more. She wanted Emma to know where she was from and who she was meant to be. Their time together had finally come.

Only Emma didn't seem to see it that way. She was still running. She was out at all hours and stirring up trouble. She was acting like everything was the same, even though it was definitely not. Storybrooke was not a simple town in Maine and they were not normal people. They were rulers, leaders and were extraordinary. Emma would see that, she would understand it. She couldn't do whatever she wanted and she definitely couldn't run to The Evil Queen for help.

Emma was focusing on all the wrong things. She was distancing herself from them when they should be coming together. Emma was a princess, she had royal blood flowing through her veins. She was the descendant of great kings and queens. Emma couldn't keep running from her destiny.

"The Ball, Emma." If she ever came home, she would know these things. "We have to present you at The Ball." She walked to the couch and laid the three dress bags down across the back of it. "Luckily, my seamstress has a shop right here in town and was happy to work us in."

Emma stared at her, eyes wide and jaw open. "Ball?" Her confused face was almost identical to David's.

Henry looked up from whatever it was he was doing on the computer. Had she ever got her credit card information changed from the last time he'd gotten creative on a computer? She should check into that. "The Family Dance at school. Grandma decided it should be a ball this year, like in my Book."

Emma still didn't seem to get it. "Family Dance?"

Henry turned to look at her, "Yeah, like a Father-Daughter or Mother-Son Dance. It's like the Elementary School Prom. Only since not everyone has a father or a mother or both or whatever, it is a Family Dance. Parents and grandparents and whatever. There's a DJ and punch and cake and it's kind of fun."

It had been fun, but this year would be better. This year all the families that the curse had ripped apart were back together. The Savior, her Emma, had broken the curse and reunited everyone. She'd saved them all.

"Yes. Only this year, we are going to have a traditional ball. Our youngsters will get to see and remember how things are supposed to be." She'd loved Balls as a child. She had bright happy memories of dancing with her father. The colors, the music, the fun. Those were good times. "You'll love it, Emma." The women will all be wearing gowns. The men will be wearing their finest, some of the knights will even be wearing their colors. Granny will be making delicacies and I've asked around and found some musicians." She smoothed her hands over the garment bags, along the sealed zippers. Oh there will be dances and all the titled nobles will be able to display-"

"You've" Emma interrupted her, "gotta be kidding me. You shanghaied a children's dance to have an honest-to-Disney Ball?" Emma boosted herself up to sit on the low side of the island counter beside the sink. "Isn't this dance for Henry and his classmates?"

"We've been helping!" Henry jumped back in to the conversation. "We've all been researching our families and figuring out what coat of arms would be, or who we were loyal to. Like which kingdom and lord and king and stuff." He grinned, "There are a lot of kids in my class that are loyal to us."

Snow unzipped the first of three bags. "That's right, Henry." Her grandson was a smart boy, a good student, and a prince. Her father would be proud of him. "Ours is a very large and powerful kingdom and my father was a very beloved king." She turned to Emma, "Our family wears white, of course." She held up the first dress she'd picked. It was a gorgeous white gown with fitted sleeves and a jeweled bodice. It was very much like one of her favorite dresses. "What do you think?"

She had dreamed of the day that she would present Emma at her first ball. It was a few years later than usual, but she hadn't lost her chance. She might cry.

"Uuuuh"

Emma tilted her head to the side, and David shined through again. She took after her father so much. Snoe was a little biased though. When she looked at Emma, all she could see was herself. It was her chin and her eyes. It was the shape of her face and the way her brows arched. It was the shape of her fingers and the the way she scrunched her nose when something smelled foul. Emma was her baby girl and she was finally going to be a princess.

"It's nice? And fluffy. Really fluffy. Like a wedding dress, kinda?" She straightened up her head, "The uh middle part is cool."

Snow didn't let Emma's lack of enthusiasm deter her. "Well the dress doesn't have to be white. I thought you would look lovely in blue." She unzipped the second bag. "This is a little sleeker but-" Emma was staring at the dress and hadn't said anything. The look on her face was somewhere between surprise and disgust. "Or this one" She unzipped the third bag, and pulled the gown out.

As soon as Emma saw the bottom half, beautiful layers of pink silk, she jumped off the counter. "Mary Margr-" Emma huffed, "I mean Snow-"

A little stab of sadness hit her. Why couldn't she mean Mom?

"This is nice, I mean super nice of you, but I don't think any of those dresses are going to work for me."

Snow stuffed the pink gown back into the bag. "Well, Helen has closed up shop already, but tomorrow we can drop by and take a look around. I know it's not a leather mini dress "but wearing a gown makes you feel pampered, like a princess."

Emma crossed her arms across her chest, "Yeah, but I'm not a princess. I should wear something less fluffy, like my dress uniform."

"Emma" Snow wished she could get through to her daughter, to make her see all the possibilities ahead for them. She wanted to be able to give all her happiness and hope to her daughter. She wanted Emma to smile. "You are a princess, my princess, and I promise that-"

Emma stiffened. "Yeah, but you're not putting me in a dress and parading me around. I'm not some wierdo-kid in a baby beauty pageant contestant. That isn't who I am. This is me." She turned around in a circle to show her Sheriff's uniform, complete with boots and gun. "I'm a total royal screw up. Here's the thing, those pictures in the paper? Yeah, that was a pretty good summary of my early twenties. I don't even remember most of 2002. I grew up since then, pulled myself up by my ye-olde bootstraps. I got my shit together. By the time Henry found me I was making good money, paying my rent on time and planning on taking a cruise to Puerto Rico. Now I'm a princess?" She threw her hands up in the air, "yeah right."

Why was she being so stubborn? Snow had waited twenty-eight years to be Emma's mother. Emma had waited for years to find out who her parents were. Everything had finally fallen into place but it was like Emma didn't even want to be family.

"I'm your mother, Emma, and I only want the best for you. Everything I ever did was for you, to give you the best chance. There have been some mistakes along the way, but I know Leah and Stephen will accept your apology."

Emma furrowed her brow, like she wanted to say something, but didn't. Snow crossed the room and grabbed her hands. "We've been through so much: separation, curses, confusion, and even bloodshed. I'm here for you now, though. We're together again. We have our family again. We are so close to happily ever after, we just have to reach out and take it."

"Family."

Emma mumbled the word, but wasn't making eye contact.

"Yes. Me, David, you and Henry, a family and we're-"

Emma pulled away her hands. "No."

No?

"It's like you're not listening to me at all. I don't want to wear a ballgown and curtsy and dance. I'm not the princess in your head. I'm an actual person and I am not apologizing for anything. Rory was fine. She had fun for the first time in her life. We were with her the whole damn night. Some small-town paparazzi took some pictures and everybody is acting like it was a crime!"

Anger bubbled in her stomach. "It isn't okay, Emma. You embarrassed our family. You embarrassed our allie's family. Leah is my supervisor, I could have lost my job. This is the sort of thing that could start a war. We have to show the people that you are a good leader, a just and worthy princess. You are the savior-you can't run around and-"

"Snow." Emma's face hardened and her brows drew together. "I don't put on shows for people. That shit never worked for the orphan-shopping parents and fosters when I was growing up and it won't work now. I'm an adult and I don't need someone mothering me to death. If you had wanted to do that, you shouldn't have stuck baby-me in a magical tree."

It was a verbal slap, a punch. Emma could have run her through with a sword and it would have hurt less. "The Evil Queen-"

"Don't!" Emma screamed "call her that! Our kid is right there."

Henry was watching them argue. His eyes were wide and darting between the two of them. They shouldn't be arguing in front of him. "and I" Emma showed no sign of stopping, "am tired of people talking shit about Regina. No more-not in front of me and not in front of Henry."

Snow couldn't believe what she was hearing. She and Emma were family, and before that friends. Where was all this anger coming from? Someone had been planting ideas in Emma's head.

"What has that woman done to you? She's filled your head with-" She didn't even known. Magic? Lies? Darkness? "I don't even know. I can't believe this! Were you over there again last night?" She couldn't even wrap her head around the idea. "Did she hurt you?"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Yeah, she's a total sadist. She tucked me in, fed me breakfast and even made sure I had a uniform for work. She didn't judge me, and she sure as hell isn't demanding that I apologize for anything. It was fine, normal even. She made me coffee and a BLT. Esmeralda even smiled at me while she drank tea. It was terrifying. Jesus H Christ, Mary Margaret, stop being ridiculous."

Snow would have never-ever talked to her parents like that. She couldn't imagine why Emma was acting out. Regina had to have done something. That was the only explanation. Her curse had failed so now she was trying to use Emma for revenge. Snow didn't know what her plot was, but she wasn't going to let her succeed.

"Emma Ruth Swan!"

Emma jerked her head, shocked. A little hurt went through her heart. Emma hadn't even known her own middle name.

"That is enough of this. You are-are-throwing a tantrum like a child. You say you're an adult, then act like it. You will wear a gown and go to this ball. You will apologize for trying to corrupt Aurora. You will stop this nonsense. I know you don't like it, but it is for the best. I'm-"

She took a breath and tried to calm down. It was hard, everything had come back to her when the curse broke. All her memories, all her pain, all the resentment and anger. She was still fighting against Regina and the stakes were still the same. She was fighting the Evil Queen to protect her family, to protect Emma.

She took another deep breath, "-your mother and I know best. You and Henry will stay away from Regina Mills. She is a monster and the reason that our family was-"

Emma balled her hands into fists. "I won't. I won't be someone I'm not, and trust me, I am not this princess you want me to be. I never was. I never will be."

She kept getting louder and the angrier she got, the faster her words came. Her voice flattened out and her Rs disappeared. A Boston accent, one that Emma usually didn't have, warped her voice and made it sound harsh and coarse.

"I am doing my best here. I mean here's the thing, Snow. I prayed every day for parents. Lit candles, asked the saints and did everything the nuns said to do-and nothing ever happened. I stopped praying and looking for my parents when I was fourteen years old. I am not your little girl." The accent was heavy now and Emma was holding herself so stiff that she was shaking. "But I am one of Henry's mothers. I may not know best, but what I say goes. I'm starting to think that a loft surrounded by fairytale characters isn't where he belongs. Maybe it isn't where I belong either." She scowled and tossed her ponytail over her shoulder, "And as far as Regina goes? She's Henry's mother and my-" She paused and licked her lips, "she's my friend. Neither of us is going to abandon her. Don't make me choose between Regina and you, Snow. You won't like the outcome."

Snow felt her knees go weak. The breath flew out of her lungs and she wanted to scream, but couldn't.

"Fuck." Emma pushed her hands through her hair. "I'm not cut out for this fairytale bullshit. I should have gone back to Boston and none of this shit would have happened.

"You can't mean that." Her heartbeat was thundering in her ears. Her stomach was twirling and she could taste pennies. Snow was having problems standing and Emma was talking about leaving? No, she wasn't talking about leaving. That was not possible.

"The hell I don't! I'm not what you want and apparently you would rather have me play pretend-princess then be happy. You've never cared about my happiness-just your stupid delusions. Newsflash, you signed away your parental rights when you shoved me into a tree. You didn't know what would happen to me, where I would end up, or even if I would make it through alive. When I signed those papers, I knew my son was getting his best shot. Your decision was all about you, and mine was all about him!"

Emma looked over at Henry for the first time since she'd started to scream, "and damn if I wasn't right. He got Regina." Her voice dropped back to a normal volume and softened a bit. "and she is everything that I ever dreamed of for my kid. She was-is a good mother. She is trying so hard to be a better person and all you people do is shit on her." She whipped her head back so hard that her blonde ponytail hit her face. "Just like every know-it-all foster mom shit on me. They never got the perfect princess they wanted either. You? You got exactly what you wanted. You got your savior."

Emma was breathing hard, so angry that she was gnashing her teeth and pacing. "But me? I got nothing-just a first name and a destiny I never wanted."

Snow couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. "Emma-" She was trying but words were catching in her throat "I-I"

"Yeah, I get it. I'm not what you imagined. I get it." She blew out a breath. "I get it. I'm out of here." She turned on her heel and headed back towards the door.

"Emma!"

She slammed the door behind her so hard that the photo frames rattled.

Snow looked over at Henry. He was crying.

"Henry-"

He jumped off of the stool and ran up the stairs.

Snow was all alone. All alone again. How had everything gone so wrong so fast?

She was a runner. When things got tough, she got going. Emma Swan never stayed anywhere too long. Why bother? She would never find Tallahassee. She'd been to the actual city, but it wasn't that great. Tallahassee was an idea and it was bullshit. It was a lie, like everything else Neal had told her. The only good thing that had ever come out of that dick was Henry.

God. Henry. She had never wanted him to see that side of her. She'd seen more than her fair share of screaming women and domestic disputes and now so had Henry. Her kid had got to hear about all her messed up problems at eardrum blowing volumes. Great.

She walked, jogged, past the Bug. She had no idea where she was going. She had to keep moving, to keep going until she couldn't go anymore. The tingles were back in her legs again. She had told Mary Margaret the truth. She was never going to be her perfect princess. She was never going to be anything that people wanted her to be. She couldn't even get being Henry's mom right. She had run to Regina the first time things had been hard. What kind of mom couldn't handle a freaking science project? What kind of mom had screaming-matches in front of her kid? What kind of mom was she? She wasn't Regina Mills, that was for damn sure.

Regina.

Regina, who had raised their son. Regina, who had saved their asses on that project. Regina, who had sucked up an actual killer curse for her. Regina, who had healed her. Regina, who had kissed her. Regina.

Emma kept walking, almost jogging at this point. Her thoughts were jumbled and wild and she wanted to scream again. She wanted to cry, but couldn't. It was all too much. She was a lopsided Jenga tower and Mary Margaret had yanked the last steady piece out from under her. She was going to fall everywhere. She screwed everything up, even the good stuff in her life. In one single day she'd ruined her relationship with her mom, her son and her-her-her Regina.

Damn it.

She kept going until she reached the convenience store, S-Mart. Because it was Storybrooke and 7-11s didn't make the curse-cut. Not that it was a great loss, but Emma did sort of miss the familiarity of the chain store. Late stage capitalism hadn't touched Storybrooke. It was all Mayberry Maine Street Mom and Pop stores. Hell, S-Mart even carried locally-made jerky and left-over nun candles.

There were promotional cardboard cutouts from the 80s along the walls. The Ghostbusters, David Bowie and Princess Leia were all staring at her and judging her. It was sort of a creepy-time warp store. She paused half-way through the store. There was a rickety rack of knock-off Ray Bans. She grabbed a pair of aviator style sunglasses that looked like they'd come right out of an episode of CHIPS. She put them on and caught her reflection in one of the soda coolers. She didn't look too bad. While she was looking, she double checked to see if they had any Crystal Pepsi in stock. They didn't, but they did have cold beer and a clerk, Bashful, didn't ask any questions. He didn't even card her, which was the only good part about being in a town where everybody knew your name.

She took her beer, wore the sunglasses out and booked it before the dwarf called her mom to tattle on her. Emma wanted to say something, but didn't. In-uniform sheriffs were probably not supposed to say the phrase snitches get stitches. She walked back out onto the street and kept walking. Away from the loft, away from the station, away from Mifflin Street.

She remembered when she and Henry would sit at his castle together. Back when she was a stranger and he was a confused little boy with a book. Those had been the days. What had Henry called it? Operation Cobra. Things had been a lot simpler back then. She'd spent her time talking to Henry with oversized walkie talkies. She'd spent hours thinking of ways to piss off his gorgeous mother too. Back when castles were playgrounds and not real places. Real castles with real rooms for baby princesses.

Princesses got castles and happily ever afters.

She wasn't a princess. Emma kept walking. She didn't know where she was going, maybe all the way to the town line. Maybe further. She had pins and needles in her legs. Her heart ached. She was not ready to deal with any of the hot mess that was her life.

Some Savior she was.