A/N: The final chapter of the 'pilot' episode "A Pirate's Life for Me."

Chapter 21: A Father's Love

Beepbeep…beepbeep…beepbeep…

I wake to the sound of a low, constant beeping from somewhere to my right, much like a heart monitor in a hospital, except this one has two beeps instead of one, almost like there are two heart monitors, or just one monitor keeping track of two hearts at the same time…

A heart monitor keeping track of a Time Lord's heartbeat.

Mine.

This realization seems to wake me up fully. Opening my bleary eyes, through the haze, I see that I am in what looks like a hospital room, with the walls painted a solid white, and various machines, including an IV drip attached to my left arm, surrounding my bed. My clothes seem to have changed as well. I am now dressed in the hospital gown that typical patients wear, and my braid has long since been brushed out of my hair and now falls in waves around my pillow. Only one person could've set all of this up for me…

My father.

Without sitting up, as my body feels incredibly achy and weak, I glance around and spot him sitting—more like drooping—on the edge of the next bed over, still fully dressed in his bloodstained clothes—which I find strange, as I thought he would've changed into cleaner clothes long ago—and head hanging low over his chest. He looks as if he's fighting himself to stay awake; I know, because I can sense his tiredness through our psychic link. Despite how tired he is—we are—I'm glad to feel the link between us again, after I'd almost lost him to the pirates just minutes ago…or hours, or however long I've been out for. I'm honestly scared to know the answer, as he appears to not have eaten or slept in days.

"Dad?" I call out to him weakly, my voice sounding like a dying toad's and my mouth dry as desert sand. To the right of him, the heart monitor shows two wavy lines—one under the other—that pulse in sync with my breathing, one wavy line for each heart.

His head immediately shoots up at the sound of my voice. "Nova!" he cries in relief as he practically launches himself off the bed toward mine. He wraps his arms gently around me at first. "You're alright!"

"You're alive!" I say back at him, knowing his life to be more important to me than my own health. Somehow, I knew I wasn't going to die from what I did to him, but it had severely weakened me, which, I think, is far better than dying. Duh, because I wouldn't be here otherwise, and nor would he, probably.

"Thanks to you," he smiles at me. He then says seriously, hugging me tighter, "Blimey, you gave me quite a scare! You gave up a significant amount of regeneration energy; not all of it, thank goodness, but you sacrificed a lot for me. You shouldn't have done that! I told you not to do that!"

"You'd be dead if it weren't for me!" I argue. "Would you rather be dead than alive right now? Besides, I wasn't planning to lose another father! You, of all people, should understand that!" After all the things he's lost—others he's travelled with, his own planet…

There is a long pause between us as my father contemplates what I just said. After a minute, he says with a shameful sigh, "You're right. Of course you're right! I'm sorry. What I truly mean to say is 'thank you.' It's just…when you sacrificed your energy for me, I thought…like your mother…" He pauses again, as if too afraid to continue, but I finish for him.

"You thought I'd sacrificed all of my regenerations for you, like Mom did," I nod understandingly. "But I didn't, like you said." I then pause, asking curiously, "Actually, how much did I give up? Do you know? Does it say on the thing?" I glance to the heart monitor, hoping to see some statistics that would tell me exactly how much energy I gave up for him, but all that the monitor shows are the two wavy lines representing my hearts—hence the name 'heart monitor,' I guess, I think dismally.

He then reaches out and turns my face toward him, a serious yet gentle look in his ancient, emerald eyes. "It doesn't," he admits apologetically, "and I don't know. Depending on the Silence's experiments with your energy, there may not be a limit."

'There may not be a limit.' I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

"So you're saying I may have endless regenerations for all we know?" I say in a panicked tone; not that I meant to sound panicky. Though in my panic, the constant beeping seems to quicken a bit, showing an apparent increase in my anxiety. I briefly wonder if my anxiety increases even more, the monitor might go crazy and malfunction, or flat-line, or something.

"Possibly," the Doctor says uncertainly. He then places a soothing hand on my shoulder, saying with an assuring smile, "But you shouldn't worry about that right now. You need to rest. Doctor's orders."

When he says that last bit, he taps me playfully on the tip of my nose before he rises from my bedside and adjusts one of the machines I'm hooked up to, making me briefly worry that he's going to force some kind of sedative into my system; that does seem to be a general vibe humans get from most doctors. Not that I've ever experienced any vibes like that, since I've never been inside a hospital before—at least until now—but this is a vibe that Hazel often got when she went in for checkups. She was always jealous of me during these times.

Luckily, I don't feel any sleepier as I say, raising a skeptical eyebrow, "I see what you did there. You trying to be punny again? I'm not sure if I can handle any more puns." That first adventure may have been a punny one, but it sure as hell wasn't funny, nor was it at all fun. Only a psychopath would think almost losing a father to a bunch of maniacal space-pirates is fun.

"I suppose it was," he says with genuine uncertainty, like he didn't truly intend to make that pun if it was one. "I'm not just called 'the Doctor;' I am a proper doctor, you know."

"Actually, I didn't know that, but okay," I say with a frown. Then again, it would explain the professional setup he has here. No one without a proper medical degree would have set up all of this stuff as perfectly as the Doctor had, making me believe everything he just said. Perhaps he has said medical degree hanging up on a wall somewhere in here, complete with legit signatures (assuming this was a thing on Gallifrey). Surely even Time Lords had their own form of medical insurance back in the day, long before their regeneration ability came into being. All planets should, right? How else would people stay healthy?

"Speaking of rest, you look like you need it too," I add, noticing the heavy bags under his eyes for the first time, which make him appear so much older than even twelve-hundred. "You look like you haven't eaten or slept in…" I pause. "How long have I been out?" Like I said, I'd be afraid to know I've been comatose for much longer than just overnight.

"Three days," he admits my fear. "In all that time, I've never left your side once."

Three days?! Damn! No wonder he looks so malnourished. Three days without food is a dangerously long time, even for a human. Then again, maybe malnutrition affects Gallifreyans differently.

"Not even to change clothes?" I say, gesturing to his bloodstained clothing. "Or go to the bathroom?" I'm scared to know the answer to the second question; not that he'd tell me, but even if he thought about it, I'm not sure I want to know.

"None of that," he says, shaking his head honestly. "I didn't want to take the chance that something went wrong if I'd left your side for even a second."

"Fair point," I nod, "but I'm sure I would've been fine. Thanks, anyway." He could've at least had the decency to change his clothes, as the bloody marks are a painful reminder of my greatest fault, which sends another wave of guilt washing over me, drowning my already aching hearts.

"You are very welcome," my father says with a forgiving smile, caressing my cheek. "It's what any father would do for his daughter." He then steps back again, saying, "Now, you rest. I'm demanding it. You're very weak."

"I'd feel much better if I slept in my own bed," I say, shifting uncomfortably in my hospital bed and gown. "Is it possible for me to transfer to my own room? This bed feels a bit too lumpy for my comfort." I'm not exactly a fan of the gown either, but I don't tell him this, nor do I tell him I don't appreciate the fact that he undressed me at all, especially against my consent. That shouldn't be legal, should it, even if it's a father to a daughter; even if said father is still kinda, sorta considered a stranger to said daughter?

"I'd have to discharge you for that," he says apologetically, "as well as detach your IVs." He wants me to feel comfortable in general, but he also wants me to stay in this hospital room and recover, the latter being more important to him; although for me I'm the exact opposite. I believe comfort lies on the path to recovery, therefore I'll recover faster in a much more comfortable environment. Besides, who wants to be cooped up in a boring, old hospital, anyway?

"Then do it," I say carelessly. "Please. I don't think I can sleep here. I'd feel better in my own room." I actually prefer my own room at home, but I keep this thought to myself.

The Doctor pauses for another minute before finally complying with a smile. "As you wish. But on one condition…I carry you there. You're in no fit state to walk on your own yet. In fact, it's best that I don't leave your side for at least another day, so I suppose I have two conditions."

I can't help but feel a bit annoyed with his statement, but I give in with a shrug anyway as he begins detaching my IVs with care, "Then sleep with me. I don't care. It's not gonna be weird or anything, since we're blood. I don't think River will mind at all; in fact, I think she'd feel overjoyed of the prospect. She did want us to bond more closely in her absence anyway. Besides, all daughters sleep with their fathers at least once in their life, right? I mean I've slept with my father on more than one occasion…well, my father-guardian, anyway. This won't be any different."

"Really?" he says, genuinely shocked. "You don't…see me as a stranger anymore?"

"No," I say honestly, shaking my head. "Well, not a complete stranger, anyway. I haven't seen you like that for a while now. Not since…" I then pause, thinking of how close my father was to death; in fact, he did die, and he would've stayed like that, had I not been able to bring him back to life with my energy. This is admittedly the one time I am thankful for being born the way I am. "Not since you almost died," I say, admitting my fear.

The moment I finish speaking, my father pauses what he's doing and just stares at me, seemingly like I've grown an extra head; though, actually, he's staring at me like he's realized the deeper meaning behind my words, how much his death had impacted me. Feeling uncomfortable by his stare, I look away from him, staring down at the floor.

After a while, he resumes his task, saying with a clear of his throat, "I'm almost done. Just one more." He holds my arm steady as he detaches the last IV. Once he's done, he smiles as he hooks a stray curl behind my ear. "There. Now you're good to go." He then stands up straight and says, like a legit medical doctor would, "Nova Susan Song, your doctor has discharged you." I laugh as he pulls the blanket off of me and gently gathers me up in his arms. I wrap my own arms tightly around his neck as he does so. "Now, let's get you to your room, shall we?"

He carries me out of the room and into the familiar hexagonal-shaped hallway, and I realize that we're still in the TARDIS, and that that room must've been the TARDIS med bay. That would explain the lack of other hospital staff, I think to myself. Dad must take up all of the roles.

As he walks me through the hallways, I can't help but feel the pulse point on the side of his neck. It feels strange, like it's a double pulse instead of a single one (though on the dead planet, his pulse felt like a single one, on account of one of his hearts being punctured, though I didn't know this at the time). This realization brings me back to the time when my guardians were teaching me about pulses, and they let me feel theirs, only theirs was a single pulse while mine was a double. The double pulse must be normal for Time Lords, I think.

"What're you doing?" my bio-father asks, puzzled, bringing me back to the present. This must be really weird to him, seeing his daughter feeling his pulse seemingly for no reason.

But I do have a reason. It—they?—is still beating, and I'm very thankful, because three days ago, even just for a few minutes, it wasn't beating. It was silent, dead. "Sorry," I say awkwardly. "It's just…it's nice to feel your pulse again. You know, after…"

After you almost died, I think but do not say. Does it really need saying?

"I understand," he nods solemnly. He doesn't say anything else. Even he knows it doesn't need saying.

Even so, I can't help but still feel awkward. Changing the subject, I say, looking around, "These hallways look the exact same. How can you not get lost in this place?"

"After a thousand years of Time and Space, I've memorized all the routes to get places," he explains. "No matter how much the Old Girl changes, she's never changed her routes. The rooms may have changed, but the routes to get to the rooms have never changed. At least, they haven't for a while." He then pauses, reaching a T-junction. "Speaking of which, I seem to have lost my way a bit. Is it left or right here? Left, I believe." He starts walking in the left direction, but after a few steps he stops and turns back around. "No, it's definitely right. Yup, that's right. I always get turned around at that junction."

"Maybe you should put up signs," I chuckle. "That way you'd know where everything is."

"Yeah, I should," he smiles back, though he says it like he would if he'd had the patience and motivation, but he doesn't have either. Then again, it makes sense, considering his responsibility of saving the universe to be much more important; even just one small delay, such as this, could be disastrous.

A minute later, he enters a dark room, though it's one I don't recognize. "Here we are," my father says as he steps inside. He then pauses, frowning. "No, wait, wrong room."

"Yeah, I was about to say, I don't think this is mine," I nod. I then ask curiously, "Whose is it?"

"Mine," he answers in a somewhat embarrassed tone.

"Yours?" I say in shock. And here I thought he rarely slept, what with how often he saves the universe; he must hardly ever get breaks to himself. I imagine once he finishes saving one world, another immediately comes calling, so he doesn't get time to do anything in-between, not even for a small thirty-minute snooze. How does he cope?

Speaking of which, I wonder how many distress calls he's ignored over the last three days, taking care of me.

"That's alright," he says, shaking his head as he steps back into the hallway, "we can just leave this one and find your room instead. Yours is much cleaner than mine anyway."

"No, I'd like to see yours," I say honestly, "if that's alright with you." I've wondered what a Gallifreyan bedroom would look like; perhaps like a king's royal bedchamber, or something similar.

"You sure?" he asks, like he's ashamed to admit I'm wrong.

"Yeah," I say indifferently with a small shrug. "I mean we came all this way. Besides, you look incredibly tired from carrying me anyway; on top of taking care of me for three straight days without food or sleep."

After a bit more persuasion, I finally convince him to stay, despite me wanting to sleep in my own bed, but now that I think about it, I've never seen his room before, and I've always been curious ever since I met him. Even if I'm wrong about his room being anything like a royal bedchamber, I wouldn't care either way; at least I get to see it with my own eyes. Plus, I'm not one to judge too much, unless people judge me first, needless to say.

"Get the light," he says as he holds me in front of a light switch.

After I flip it, the room is illuminated in a dim light. "Whoa!" I say, taking in the room.

The room is nothing like I expected. It's just an ordinary master bedroom like you see in normal human houses. This one is slightly messier than most, with piles of clothes—some even women's clothes—scattered everywhere, making the room look like a miniature mine field. Despite its untidiness, I don't blame the Doctor for having not cleaned it; considering how busy he is, I imagine he hardly has time to clean his room; not to mention he hardly ever has people over—no one besides my mother, anyway, whose women's clothes, I assume, are hers—to share the room with him. In any case, I find it interesting that he seems to live similarly to a human when he's not saving the universe; perhaps there are other rooms in the TARDIS that liken to other rooms in a typical house, such as a kitchen, living room, library, and maybe even a swimming pool.

"What?" my father asks, puzzled at my unexpected exclamation.

"Nothing," I say honestly. "It's just…I expected your room to look more like a king's courters or something, that's all. Not that you're a royal, or anything. Or are you? I mean, were you?" For a brief moment, I imagine what it would be like to live as a Gallifreyan princess, if there was ever such a thing before the war decimated his home-world.

"No," he smiles with a hint of sadness. "I was more of a…farm boy, I guess you could say. I grew up in a small barn just outside the Capitol."

This genuinely shocks me. How could a 'farm boy,' as he described himself, grow up to be such a powerful Time Lord, and apparently one whom the entire universe seems to fear?

"What was it like?" I ask curiously as he sets me gently on his bed. Did he live similarly to how a human farmer would live, such as growing crops and delivering them to the nearby towns and cities to feed the hungry?

"It was peaceful," he says in a melancholic tone. "Quiet." He doesn't say anything else as he shrugs off his bloodied jacket and unties his bow tie. He then picks up a woman's dressing gown from off the floor and smells it to make sure it's clean. "You want to dress into something more comfortable, put this on," he says as he tosses the gown to me, which is made of a soft flannel fabric. "It's your mother's. Should fit; if not I'll find something else for you."

"Thanks," I say as I begin unbuttoning my hospital gown. I then pause, glancing to him awkwardly, "Uh…do you mind?" After I say this, I move my index finger in a circle to suggest that he turn away from me to give me a bit of privacy as I undress.

"Oh! Of course!" he says as he turns around and faces a dresser, which he digs around in for a pair of clean sleepwear. "I'll be changing as well, so don't mind me."

"I won't look," I say as I slip on River's dressing gown, which admittedly is a bit big on me but long enough to cover most of my figure. The moment it's on my body, it makes me feel a tad warmer. There is also a peculiar smell of…something. Perfume, perhaps? Whatever it is, it's a sweet-smelling aroma, but it's unlike anything I've ever smelt before.

"Okay, I'm decent," I say as I look up, prepared to turn around, when something immediately catches my eye across from the bed in the far corner—something green and glowing above a large wooden box of some kind. "What's that?" I ask as I slowly get up from the bed, still feeling a little weak in the legs.

I lean on various pieces of furniture to support me as I approach the glow-y thing. Once I'm close enough, I realize that it's part of a crib mobile, which hangs above a wooden cot with a headboard shaped in a very peculiar way, like a ceremonial headpiece one would wear at a christening or coronation. The green orb is surrounded by hanging metal stars and spheres, much like an aerial view of a solar system. There are intricate carvings on the side and front of the crib that I recognize as Gallifreyan symbols, similar to the ones on my locket. "This is beautiful," I say as I delicately place my hand on the wooden surface, tracing my fingertips along one of the symbols. "Is this yours?" This is clearly Gallifreyan in origin, and it appears to be really old, parts of its wooden surface seeming to have been chipped away from centuries of use.

The Doctor approaches me a second later, having changed into flannel pajama bottoms and a plain white T-shirt. "Yes," he says as he smiles down at the cot and wraps his arm around me to steady me. "Many of your Gallifreyan ancestors slept in that cot, including your mother and me. We even have our names engraved on the sides, see? This one's your mother's." He points to the group of symbols on the front of the footboard. "And this one's mine." He points to the larger group of symbols on the side. "One of these days, we'll engrave your name on here."

"I slept in here too?" I say in amazement. In that moment, a vague memory of a green orb hanging above my head as an infant flashes in my mind.

"You did," he nods, "for only four nights." He holds me tighter against him, and I can suddenly feel his sadness through the link. I can feel his guilt as he thinks about the time when he'd given me up, and how he wished he hadn't. Who knows how many nights I could've slept in this cot, had I stayed. "Come," he says after a minute of silence before he pulls me toward his bed again. "You're sleeping over here."

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be able to fit in that cot anymore," I say jokingly, hoping to cheer him up a bit, but he doesn't laugh. He directs me back over to one side of the bed, and as I get settled he goes back over to the switch on the wall to turn off the overhead lights.

"This is really comfy," I say as I lay across what I assume to be River's side of the bed. The sheets feel soft like the flannel gown I'm wearing. As I drape the covers over me and lay my head down on the pillow, I am hit with another sweet scent that seems to match the scent on my gown. "This pillow smells good; smells kinda like perfume."

"Ah, that's your mother," my father says as he climbs into bed on his side. I guess even Time Lord couples have specific sides of the bed, I think with a smile. Funny how some things never change, even on other planets. "She often leaves behind the smell of perfume when she sleeps here." He inhales deeply as if to savor her scent, but his expression seems to show that he would rather she be here in person, which I agree. I only got to spend an hour with her before she left me again. I miss her just as much as he does.

"You must really enjoy it," I say, breaking the silence between us. "Not just the perfume, but when she…you know…visits you at night." This seems to be a much better explanation than…the alternative.

"Oh, yes," he nods vigorously. "I won't go into any details with you, unfortunately. Seeing as you're…well…" He gestures to me to show how young I am and my relation to him, but I understand perfectly…maybe.

"Oh, no, I wasn't asking for details," I say, shaking my head awkwardly. "I…uh…can imagine." This conversation is starting to get really awkward, especially between us.

"Good," he says, feeling equally awkward, as he reaches up to straighten his bow tie, only to discover that he's not wearing it, so he adjusts the collar of his T-shirt instead.

I swiftly change the subject. "So, why do you still have your cot in here?" I ask curiously, turning to the side to face him. "I thought…since you gave me up, you'd put it in storage or something."

"No," he shakes his head, flipping over to face me on his side of the bed. "I…wasn't ready to part with it yet. I wanted to keep it around in the hope that you would, one day, return to me…" He then smiles. "Which you have."

"Yeah," I say, smiling back at him. "It's great to be back." Before, I felt like this was my first ever time being in the TARDIS, but now it feels like I've never left, like I've been here my whole life. "Although, I was honestly under a different impression," I say, suddenly frowning in confusion. "River said that you'd actually never planned to come back for me; at least not until the Silence were defeated for good. Was that true?"

The Doctor pauses for a few seconds, like he's looking for the best explanation that won't offend or scare me. He reaches out and caresses my cheek as he begins his long explanation. "It was…but it also wasn't. I never really wanted to give you up at all. I had hoped there would be a way for us to be together, no matter what happened. But I couldn't keep you around without you being in constant danger because of me. When the Silence found out that I had actually survived the lake, and not long after that they found out River was pregnant with you, they began to redouble their efforts to have me killed, and they planned to use you as their next weapon to kill me. They kidnapped your mother and replaced her with a flesh duplicate, just like they did to your grandmother, and they waited until you were born to perform their sick experiments on you to make your regeneration energy much more powerful, hoping to use it as a weapon against me. Then, when their experiments were over, they took you away, but I was able to find you by using our telepathic link to connect with you, and I stole you back with the help of some friends of mine. After that, I realized that you would not be safe with me, because the Silence would track me down to get to you. So I sought to find a human couple that was looking to adopt a child and have them adopt you and hide you from the Silence for the rest of your life."

"But it wasn't until after my first regeneration that you realized that I wasn't going to be safe anywhere," I clarify, "so you had River watch over me from a distance until I was much older?"

"Yes," he confirms, "but we didn't expect you to regenerate at such an early age. In fact, we hoped you'd never regenerate at all until the Silence had stopped hunting you forever. Your guardians should've known not to give you aspirin that night."

"It wasn't their fault," I say, shaking my head. "They were trying to help me feel better and didn't think that what they were using on me was going to kill my body. They were just doing what parents would normally do for their sick child. It's in their nature. I mean, you should know, with the way you helped me over the last three days." Surely he wasn't treating me back to health as if I was just a normal patient; rather he treated me like a father would treat his own sick daughter.

"You're right," he sighs shamefully after a minute of silence. "I meant no disrespect to your guardians."

"It's fine," I say with a shrug. "Everyone makes mistakes. It's what makes us human—well, it makes them human. You know what I mean."

"Yes," he nods. He then pauses for another minute before admitting his guilt and continuing to caress my cheek in a loving manner. "My biggest mistake was not being able to protect you over the last eighteen years. I was never there when you needed me the most, when you were struggling to accept who and what you are. If I'd never given you up, you wouldn't have had to go through all that rubbish. I'm never going to make that same mistake again. I promise."

I smile back at him, placing my hand over his, but then I pause, feeling ashamed. My father had just admitted his greatest mistake, and I suddenly feel the need to do the same. Tears begin to fill my eyes at the horrible memory, as well as the immense fear I felt at the time of the event—a fear that I never ever want to experience again.

"What's wrong?" my father asks with a frown, sensing my shamefulness through our link, but I don't have the hearts to tell him. More tears flood my eyes, and I fail to hold them back as they spill down my cheeks, and my hearts feel heavy like stones in my chest. Suddenly noticing this, my father reaches over me and gathers me in his arms, saying calmly, "Hey, hey… It's alright, my Nova, you can tell me. What's on your mind?" He holds me against him with one hand and runs his fingers through my hair with the other in an attempt to calm me, but my tears refuse to stop spilling down my cheeks, soaking into his shirt.

"Abandoning you at the planet after I'd run off out of anger and frustration…" I whimper in his chest, wrapping my arms tighter around him, like he'll disappear if I let go even a little bit, "that was the worst mistake of my entire life. Because I'd done that, you were almost killed. In fact, you were killed, and I couldn't stop them from doing that to you. If I'd stayed, none of that would've happened. It's my fault they did that to you. I should never have left you. I'm so sorry." I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't been able to save his life three days back. Would I be forgiven, or would the entire universe, including my guardians, Hazel, and especially River, reject me for what I did? Honestly, I don't think I want to know.

"Oh, Nova," he says as he lays his head gently on top of mine. "You don't have to apologize. You saved my life, did you not? I couldn't have been prouder of you."

"What if I couldn't save you?" I say fearfully. "What if I didn't have regenerations to give? What if I was born human instead?"

After I finish, he lifts his head from mine. "Look at me," he says, forcefully lifting my chin up to look him straight in the eye. "Does it matter? No, it doesn't! You were born the way you are. Nothing can change that. You were born to save me…to save everyone! You are my daughter, and nothing in the universe can change that, not even regeneration! Nothing! I wouldn't ask for anything to be changed about you, because I love you just the way you are." He hugs me again, kissing me lightly on my forehead. I look away from him again and bury my face in his chest, soaking more tears into his shirt. We remain like that for a few minutes until I finally have the nerve to confess what's really on my mind.

"I was so scared," I say after a while. "When you died. I felt like a part of me had died with you when our link broke. I felt completely helpless. Powerless. Alone. I felt like…" I sigh, swallowing back a whimper, "like there was no one else. Like I was the only one left. The last one in the entire universe. It was horrible."

My father is quiet for a few seconds before he responds with a deep sigh, "I understand what you mean."

"When you died," I continue, struggling to swallow back a knot that had formed in my throat, "there was a moment… A moment when I wanted revenge. Revenge on the pirate for what she did. I wanted to go back to the planet and kill her myself in the most painful way possible. In fact, I did go back. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to tear her apart with my own two hands and destroy whatever was left. I truly did; I was so desperate. I wanted to do the same to the Silence as well. All of them. I wasn't going to let them get away with killing my father—you. Not until they had seen what your death had done to me first."

I truly mean every word. That multi-eyed witch saw the fury in my eyes, and she was legitimately scared of me, much like prey would be toward a predator before being eaten, and in that moment I was proud, content to have that much power over her. To have her beg me for mercy when I had absolutely no intentions of giving any. In those few seconds, I had become a raging goddess, and she had become vulnerable to me, like a dog submitting to her mistress in shame. At the time, admittedly, it was terrifying but also thrilling at the same time. Now, it's more terrifying than anything else. If I had actually done it... What I would've become...

"Did you do it?" my father asks in almost a whisper, sensing my thoughts.

I shake my head. "No. I almost did. If I had..." I don't even want to think about it; it's just too horrible to contemplate. I squeeze my eyes tightly shut at the thought of how everyone would think of me if I had killed the pirate and become one with the Silence. Would they still look at me the same way even if I did?

"Nova, look at me, right at me," he says as he lifts my chin up to face him again, this time holding my chin in place so I can't look away. There is still that gentle sparkle in his eyes as he continues speaking softly but firmly, "Whether or not you had actually done it and become one of them, it doesn't matter. Like I said before, you are my daughter, and nothing in the universe can change that. Not one thing. Nothing in the universe can make me stop loving you either. You are seared onto my hearts always, Nova Susan Song."

"You've said that to me before," I say with a smile. "Many times."

"And I will continue to say it until the day I die—permanently," he returns the smile, rubbing my back soothingly. "It's hard to move on, but sometimes you don't have a choice. Take it from a twelve-hundred-year-old man who's seen and lost everything."

"You haven't lost everything," I say with a frown. "You haven't lost me…or Mom." At this point, calling River 'Mom' has never felt more right.

"True," he nods, though in his tone of voice, I can tell he is hiding a dark secret, but I decide not to push him for the truth. Not right now.

Without warning, a massive yawn escapes my lips against my consent.

"You should get some sleep now," my father suggests, though it is more of an order than an actual suggestion. He lifts the covers higher around us as he says this.

"You won't leave me, will you?" I ask seriously as I cuddle close to him in an attempt to make myself more comfortable, laying my head across his chest over both his hearts, which are beating strong, as they should be from now until the end of Time, which is, ironically, something he said to me once upon a time.

"I said I wasn't going to leave your side for at least another day," he says with a smile, cuddling me closer. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," I say, smiling back at him, "because I'm not going to let you. Ever again." I actually meant that I didn't want to lose him at the hands of Death Himself again, but I'm sure he knew I meant that too.

He wraps his arms around me and rests his head on top of mine again as he says the same exact words my mother said on my first 'night' in this magnificent blue box, "Sweet dreams, my Nova. I love you."

"I love you too," I say, truly meaning it this time. I've never meant it more than I do now, especially towards him. Deep down, he's always been my father, no matter what anyone says about him, and I've never seen him as anything else. Sure, I may have called him a monster at one point, but that was my anger talking, not my true self. The Doctor will always and forever, from now until the end of Time, be 'Dad' in my mind.

I listen to his—Dad's—strong heartbeats as I fall asleep, determined to hear them beat for the rest of my life.

A/N: TO BE CONTINUED!