A/N: "Fear makes companions of all of us." –The First Doctor/Clara Oswald (Doctor Who)
The final part of the episode "Living Nightmare."
This is the final chapter of this particular episode. Don't worry, there will be a final episode before Part 1 is officially over, which I am currently in the works for. I have SO many ideas for it, and it's gonna be an epic one (ideas are listed below).
Chapter 33: Fear Makes Companions of All of Us
"Attention! Ship will self-destruct in ten seconds…
…9…
…8…
…7…"
This is it. This is how it ends. This is how history will remember me:
Nova Susan Song: The Girl Who Died a Failure.
"I'm sorry…" I continue to sob in my father's hair—the last words I will ever say. "I'm so sorry…"
"…5…
…4…"
Suddenly, just when it seems like all hope is lost, there is the tingle of electricity in the air the moment a bright flash of light appears, and I feel a pair of strong arms immediately wrap tightly around us.
"I've got you, sweetie," my mother's melodic voice whispers in my ear, and a wash of relief floods through me.
"Mom!" I cry, burying my face in her shoulder and wrapping my own arms tighter around my father as the ship finishes its countdown.
"…2…
…1…"
There is another flash of light, and I feel the tingling sensation envelop me as the ship explodes…
Only when I open my eyes again, I see the ruins of a familiar Victorian street, labeled 'Paternoster Row,' and an even more familiar blue box parked in the center of the square. Another brief look around, and I see that the sky has returned to its normal dark-blue, and the flying drones that were dubbed 'Daleks' are nowhere in sight, like they've disappeared without a trace. The only thing that remains is the damage left over by everything that's transpired—a war long thought to never transpire again.
That was, until today.
"Professor!" Madame Vastra calls, rushing at us from inside the TARDIS, followed closely by Strax and Jenny. "Nova! You're alive!"
"Thank God!" Jenny sighs with equal relief. "We thought you were goners!"
"The Doctor!" Vastra says, catching sight of my father laying limply in my arms. "You managed to save him, I see."
Not exactly, I think sadly at the mere mention of him, which reminds me of my recent failure, bringing a flood of tears to my eyes. Not at all.
"Only just," Mom sighs with equal sadness, struggling to fight back her own tears.
"What do you mean, Professor?" Vastra asks with a puzzled frown. "What's happened to him?"
"It's…complicated," Mom says, moving aside slightly to give the trio a better view of their seemingly dead friend in my arms. He might as well be dead, since there appears to be no sign of him waking ever again. Even our telepathic link is barely tangible, much like it was before he succumbed to his injuries on our previous adventure; in fact, it's barely there at all.
"Oh, god…" Jenny gasps in horror, seemingly believing that they had truly lost their friend. "He's not… I mean…he can't be…"
I can't stop myself as I begin sobbing again, blaming myself for everything that's happened. "I'm sorry… I failed… Again." I killed him again. I was forcefully separated from him, and not long after that I was forced to lead the enemy straight to him, which has now led to this; and even though they didn't actually kill him, it feels as though they have, and it was because of me. Again.
However, Mom seems to think otherwise. "Hush, my love," she says, stroking my hair in an attempt to calm me. "You didn't fail. This isn't your fault."
"But it is!" I insist. "It is my fault! If we'd arrived sooner… If I'd stopped them before…"
No! I think to myself. I'm not giving up on him! I'm not losing him! Not like this! He has to wake!
I attempt to wake him again, shaking his body roughly. "Dad, please! Wake up!" I wait a few seconds, but there is still no response from him, not even a twitch. I groan in frustration. "He still isn't waking! The fears are gone now; he should wake up now! Why isn't he waking? Dad, come on! Don't do this! Please wake up! Wake up now, god damnit!"
"Sweetie, please, stop," Mom holds me against her, seemingly preventing me from hurting him (not that I would ever do that), as well as myself, in my rage. "It's no use. There's nothing we can do."
But her words just anger me more. "Is that you saying that, or is it Kovarian?" I snap at her without a second thought. I couldn't help it; it just had to be said. Of course, this is what Kovarian wants, so of course she'd prevent me from doing anything that would allow Dad to continue living. But it seems as if he'll never live again; at least not in the Waking World.
"Sweetie…" Mom frowns, taken aback by my harsh words. "What…"
That's when I realize that I've made a huge mistake. By saying what I said, I'd just revealed Kovarian's secret to everyone. And now that everyone knows—though whether it is to be believed is a whole other story—it is only a matter of time before she takes over Mom's mind again…or worse.
"I can't…" I immediately shake my head in shame. "I can't…"
"He was a worthy opponent," Strax says sadly, believing that Dad is truly gone, crossing an arm over his armored chest in a salute. "A mighty warrior. We must never forget his many exploits."
"Strax, I don't think he's actually dead…" Jenny says in an uncertain tone. "Is he?" She glances to Mom for clarification.
"No," Mom sighs, shaking her head and standing up. "He's not dead. Not really. He's stuck in some sort of coma. Whatever those demons did to him, they put him so deeply under that he's unable to wake himself." She says this with a hint of anger. And who can blame her? They locked her husband—my father—in an eternal slumber! Because of them, he'll never wake again!
"But he will eventually wake up, right?" Jenny says, clearly not believing any of what has occurred.
"I don't know," Mom sighs again. "I don't think he can. I think…I think he might be stuck in a coma forever. Stuck reliving the Time War over and over again, for the rest of his life."
Because of me, I can't help thinking in my head, burying my face in Dad's hair again.
"No…" Jenny begins sobbing herself, wrapping her arms around Vastra's waist.
"Surely, there has to be a way to save him," Vastra says in an insistent tone, wrapping her own arms around Jenny in comfort. "Anything!"
That's when it suddenly hits me.
"I can save him," I speak up softly, though Dad's hair muffles my voice slightly.
"Nova?" Mom turns to me, puzzled, as does everybody else, like they didn't hear me correctly.
"Yeah," I look up at them, nodding in affirmation. "I know a way. Dad taught me how to get inside his head. I can try to wake him up that way." Why didn't I think of it before? I would've done that immediately if I'd known.
Mom slowly walks back up to me and kneels beside me. "Nova, are you sure you can do this?" she asks in a serious tone, like she thinks my idea to be dangerous; but she doesn't know what it's like, because she wasn't there when Dad taught it to me. Thank God he did.
"I've done it before," I say confidently. "Actually, I've done it many times, not just with Dad. As long as there's a telepathic link between us, I can do it." It's barely there, but it should be enough…
I hope.
"Nova, I'm not sure if this is a good idea," Mom says with much nervousness. "Whatever they did to his mind, I don't want it affecting you too."
"I'll be fine," I say with a shrug. "The worst thing that can happen is if I end up losing focus, but I'll just go back in again. Please, Mom, you have to let me do this. This could be the only way to save him. If we don't…"
After everything he went through back then… Having to spend an eternity reliving it… I can't even begin to imagine it.
After a few moments of indecision, she sighs, "I trust you, Nova. I'd be a terrible mother if I didn't." She places a gentle hand on my shoulder, and this time I don't pull away.
I smile and nod sincerely, believing her words to be my mother's true words, before I gently place Dad's body on the ground. I lean over and place my hands on his temples as Mom grips one of his hands tightly in her own.
"Okay…" I sigh nervously before I close my eyes and concentrate on entering my father's mind, exactly like how he taught me two days prior.
I imagine myself entering the Savoy Hotel lobby, but instead I enter a much more gruesome setting:
A world on fire.
Futuristic-looking buildings crumble to dust around me, and those horrid Dalek drones fly in every direction, shooting everything and everyone in sight. Several people, dressed in clothing as red as the sky above, scream and run for cover, while others weep over the bodies of their lost loved ones. The words 'NO MORE' are printed on a large wall nearby—though they look more like they've been shot directly onto the wall with a large gun—and I immediately get the sense that Dad was responsible, sending a message to the Daleks and Time Lords, saying how much he is done fighting and how he wants them to stop fighting too. Seeing the world—Dad's world—like this brings more tears to my eyes.
So this is what the Time War looked like. God, this is awful! I can't imagine living in a time like this…what these people went through…
"EXTERMINATE!" a Dalek screams, flying in from the sky above.
I am unable to duck for cover in time as it shoots a massive energy beam at me, and, miraculously, it doesn't kill me like it should have. Instead, the energy beam shoots right through me and at the people behind me, hitting a man square in the chest. The blast makes his body glow a bright blue color, making any and all viewers see right through to his bones. The ordeal lasts only a second before the man collapses dead where he stood.
"Oh my god!" I scream in absolute horror.
The Dalek then gives chase at the people, shooting at them as they flee. A part of me wants to rush after them and save them, but I realize that there is no point. All of this isn't real, even if it was at one time. All of this is just a memory; therefore, I can't interact with anything here, nor can I be harmed. I can only observe.
I can't stand another second out here! I have to find cover, memory or not!
Luckily, there is a small warehouse that appears to (surprisingly) still be intact. I immediately rush to it, and once I approach its door, the unexpected happens. The scene immediately changes in the blink of an eye to a much more peaceful one—a barren landscape in the middle of nowhere, the sky having turned from deep red to a soft orange, like how the sky looks on Earth at sunrise. I look up at the roof of the warehouse, and I realize that this isn't a warehouse but, rather, a barn. I feel a sudden urge to go inside, and I do just that, lifting the latch that holds the door in place.
Once I enter the barn, I see an old man, who looks to be in his late-eighties, standing in the middle of the small room, a battered and warn bandolier strapped over his shoulders, with a large box in front of him. There is a long stem attached to the strange box that holds a bright red ruby. The man appears to be muttering to himself in a sad tone.
"It must be done…" the man says, staring blankly at the ruby. "It will be done… There is no other way."
I realize that I'd just walked into a very personal situation, and I immediately feel uncomfortable. "Um…hello?" I awkwardly ask the man, stepping further into the barn, unsure if he can hear or see me. "Can you hear me? S-Sorry to bother you. Um…I'm looking for my dad. Do you…uh…know where I can find him?" This appears to be a memory of his, but the strange thing is, Dad is nowhere in sight; there is just this old man…
Unless…
The man continues muttering to himself, clearly unable to see or hear me. "It must end… It will end… No more… No more…"
'No more.' Those were the words Dad shot through the wall.
That's when I realize who this man actually is.
"Dad?" I gently ask the man. "Is that…you?" It has to be; the sense is incredibly strong! Though, I've never seen this particular face of his before…if he is truly my father. I'm pretty sure I've seen images of all of his faces, but I've never seen this one. I suddenly remember Dad saying that there was another face of his that he rarely (if at all) talked about; could this be that face?
The old man who may or may not be my father continues to stare blankly at the box before him, still paying no mind to my presence, his eyes looking empty and devoid of all hope.
I try talking to him again, determined to help him see me. "Dad… It's me. It's Nova. Your daughter. I'm here. Please, tell me you can see me."
"I can't…" he whispers, his eyes seemingly fogging up with tears, and for a moment I feel as if he responded to me, but he actually just spoke to himself, as he's been doing since I arrived. "I can't live like this. I can't let this go on. Never again. No more…"
"Dad, please," I say, feeling my own eyes fogging up with tears. "You don't have to do this. In fact, you don't have to at all, because it's not real. This barn…whatever that box is…it's not real…not anymore. I'm sorry for what's happened…what you did. I understand. But you don't have to do it again. It's over. The War is over. You don't have to fight anymore…not ever again. You can change. You can be better. You can be a doctor. Dad, please…hear me. See me."
He sighs sadly, still unable to see me. It seems like no matter what I do or say, he can't hear or see any of it. To him, I'm not really here; I'm a ghost.
He lifts his wrinkly hand over the ruby, prepared to push down on it, and I suddenly realize what this box is. This is the thing Dad used to end the Time War—the 'galaxy-eater' that wiped out the Daleks, as well as the Time Lords, from existence…
All except for him.
"I understand that you're afraid," I say, sensing his fear (and who wouldn't be, especially when one is about to destroy his/her own world for the good of the universe?). "I'm afraid too. I hoped I'd never have to see you like this." I struggle to swallow back a knot that has suddenly formed in my throat. "But…if you feel you must do it…whether or not you believe this is real…" I then place my hand over his, squeezing it gently. "You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do anything alone ever again. No matter what, I'll always be there for you. I'll always love you. You are seared onto my hearts always."
I close my eyes, finally allowing the tears to spill from them. I hoped beyond hope that I would never have to do this, and now it is happening, and there is no turning back. Despite this, at least now he doesn't have to be alone, whether he can see me or not. No matter what I see him do, right here, right now, nothing will make me take back what I said. Nothing will make me stop loving him.
Suddenly, the unexpected happens. I feel a familiar hand on top of mine and squeeze it gently. I open my eyes and look down at the hand, but it is no longer wrinkly. At the corner of my eye, I notice that the old man's clothing has changed to the familiar purple Victorian attire. I follow the arm up to the old man's face, but it doesn't look old anymore. I am now staring up at the youthful face of my father—my true father—with that familiar sharp chin and dark green eyes.
"Nova…" he says, smiling down at me.
"Dad!" I gasp in relief as I immediately wrap my arms around him in a tight hug. "You can see me!"
"Of course I can see you," he says, hugging me tightly back. "I've always been able to see you."
I frown, sensing his words to be a lie, as I didn't feel like he saw me at all in the beginning, and it wasn't until I laid my hand on top of his that he was finally able to wake up and see me properly.
He then glances around the barn in confusion. "How are you here? How is any of this here?"
"It's…not real," I say hesitantly, pulling away from him. "We're inside your head. The Shadow Demons, they…they trapped you inside your own head. They made you relive the Time War again, and they made it come to life all over the city—Victorian London, I mean. The sky changed…there were Daleks everywhere…" God, I never ever want to see that again!
"Did I…?" he asks nervously. "Is the Earth…?"
"Yeah, Earth is still around," I assure him, and he sighs in relief. "So is Victorian London, though there's a lot of damage from…everything. We're back at Madame Vastra's house. The TARDIS took them all back, and Mom and I saved you; she teleported us out just in time. We're all safe now. All the fears are gone…well, sort of. Everyone still has to deal with their own fears in the real world, but at least they're not killing people anymore." That's a literal living nightmare I doubt anyone would forget.
"Wait, your mum's here?" he says, his eyes bulging in genuine surprise with a small hint of excitement.
"Yeah, she's with us right now—in the real world, I mean," I say with a nod. I then pause, feeling hesitant to tell him the truth. "Though, she's…not exactly herself."
"What do you mean?" Dad asks with a frown.
"Remember when I told you about my vision of the Vokanari taking over Mom's mind?" I remind him. "Well, it turns out that that actually happened. Madame Kovarian spoke to me personally, through Mom. She said she'd kill Mom if I didn't turn myself in—if we didn't turn ourselves in. Obviously they're still adamant about killing you, and they're gonna try to force me to do it, and they're gonna make Mom watch as punishment for refusing to kill you last time; of course, you already know this. Basically, Kovarian said she'd be watching us every step of the way from here on out, and that if we refused to go along with her plan, she'd do something terrible to Mom; and obviously Mom can't die since she…you know…dies elsewhere." I feel my hearts beat faster with my every word.
"Don't worry," Dad says, shaking his head. "We'll worry about your mother another time. Right now, let's focus on getting back to the Waking World." He then pauses, looking around the empty barn sadly.
"What's wrong, Dad?" I ask after a minute of no response from him.
"Nothing," he says with a slight whimper. "I just…never thought I'd see this barn again. This is where it all happened. Where I grew up…where I killed them all…" He then squeezes his eyes closed, failing to hold back tears as one slips its way down his cheek. "I never wanted any of that to happen. I just wanted it all to end… The fighting…the suffering… It was the only way."
"I know," I say, gripping his hand tightly in comfort. "I'm sorry."
"I was so scared…" he admits as more tears roll down his cheeks.
"I know you were," I nod. "I could sense it." I then smile up at him, remembering the story he told me of when he was a boy—a scared little boy who hid in this very barn many years ago. "But didn't anyone ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear is a constant companion. Fear makes companions of all of us."
He smiles and hugs me tightly, burying his face in my hair.
After a minute, I ask gently, "You want a few more minutes? You know…to say goodbye?"
He immediately straightens up, shaking his head as he wipes his eyes dry. "No, we should go. This place is nothing but a memory now."
I nod as I lean against him and close my eyes in apology, and when I open them again, I am back in the Waking World with Mom and the Paternoster Gang surrounding us with worry.
"Nova!" Mom cries in relief. "Are you alright?" She immediately wraps her arms around me, caressing my face and hair.
"Yeah," I nod. "I'm fine." I look hopefully down on my comatose father, and I watch as he slowly opens his eyes.
"Nova?" he asks, looking up at me groggily.
"Dad!" I cry happily, relieved to see him awake in the real world. I tuck my arms under his body and lift him up in a sitting position, hugging him tightly. He hugs me back, albeit a little weakly from tiredness.
"Doctor!" Mom exclaims with equal happiness.
Vastra, Strax, and Jenny gather around us, just as happy as Mom and I are.
"He's alright!" Jenny exclaims joyously.
"He survived another glorious battle!" Strax declares in a triumphant tone.
"Thank the Goddess!" Vastra sighs in relief.
Mom wraps her arms tightly around us, gripping Dad more tightly than me. "I thought I lost you! Both of you!" She buries her face in both of our shoulders, increasing her hold on us, like she's afraid an invisible force will take us away from her.
"Nah," Dad says with a small chuckle, pulling away slightly. "I'd never let that happen. Especially not with Nova around." He then turns to me and caresses my cheek, brushing a stray tear away from my face. "You saved me again, Nova. More than that, you saved the world this time round. You grow up so fast. I'm so proud of you."
"I take after my dad," I say, smiling back at him. "Mom too," I add, glancing to her as well.
"You most certainly do," she says, caressing my other cheek. "I love you so much, my Nova."
"Our Nova," Dad corrects her. "She is our daughter, and I couldn't ask for a better one."
"Nor will I," Mom agrees.
"I love you both!" I say, throwing my arms around them, refusing to let go.
Even despite Mom's brainwashing, I feel happy to be back in the arms of both of my parents. Even though it's only been a week since we were last together, it feels like a lifetime ago, and I never want this moment to end. I never want to leave their arms ever again.
A/N: TO BE CONTINUED!
As you may have figured out, the 'dream' scene in this chapter was a reference to the 'barn' scene at the end of "Day of the Doctor" (of course, without David Tennant and Matt Smith), so in a way Nova got to meet John Hurt's Doctor.
Over the past several weeks, I have reread this story and done some major cleanups (fixing grammatical errors, rewriting sentences that didn't sound right when read out loud, etc.), so hopefully the story looks much better now. Sadly, I won't be updating anything new for at least a month, as I am still in the works of the next episode; though I may post a "transition" chapter in the next week that will lead into the next episode.
Some ideas I have for the next episode:
- Nova sneaks into Silence/Vokanari base against Doctor's consent, disguised as Silence member.
- Proper faceoff between Nova and Madame Kovarian (not as River); during faceoff, Nova learns specific details of experiments performed on her, as referenced in earlier chapters
- Nova meets a mysterious OC person who will later be a major character throughout the rest of the trilogy (including parts 2 and 3)
- Possible minor character death(s)
- Possible appearances of Amy and Rory
- Possible regeneration
In the meantime, feel free to reread this story from the beginning (and maybe even read some of my other works) and let me know if I've missed any other grammatical errors. I hope to post more soon :)