Chapter Nine

It had been almost a week since we first touched down in Guiltina, the Northern Continent. We landed in the early morning in the Valeria region, in a small port town called Ermina. Normally we would have gotten a room at an inn, if only to let the dragon slayers settle their stomachs. But the motion sickness lacrimas I had found in the little magic shop in Iceberg seemed to do the trick, both of them were insisting on starting the next leg of our journey. "Let's not burn daylight," is how Sting put it. We found directions to the train station easy enough and had no issues purchasing tickets to Reino where we spent the night. From there we had to walk into the Bargo region, which was 6 days on foot. There were no connecting trains, just a few footpaths and dirt roads cutting through the border forest.

About three days into the trek the forest went from fresh, spring green, to a colorful autumn woods, red, orange and yellow leaves adorning the trees and crunching beneath our feet. It was like a dream. According to what we learned from a helpful book dealer back in town, it'd be a little less than 3 days walk from the start of the season change to the start of Bargo territory.

We just reached the end of day 2 from the season change, Sting had just ordered a stop to set up camp for the night. Yukino took Vulpecula to find water, everyone else was setting up tents or collecting wood for the fire. It was getting easier and easier to find wood dry enough to get a good blaze going. I was helping Loke set up my tent. By which I mean I was standing with my arms crossed, tapping my foot, trying to contain my irritation as he insisted he could do it all on his own so I could see he could take care of his wife. Man, he was laying it on real thick tonight. I was just about to lose my last shred of control and whack him over the head with a support pole he was ignoring when I felt him tap me on the shoulder.

I reluctantly turned to face the guildmaster, wondering what the hell he could possibly want bad enough to break the many days of silent treatment. Ok, so I was the one avoiding him this time. It was just easier that way. No matter how much my lips ached to feel his again or my fingers itched to trace the outline of his muscles through his ridiculously tight tank top, ignoring him was the best thing I could do.

I let my eyes rake over his body, not really caring if he noticed. I didn't feel any embarrassment for checking him out. He looked good and he knew it. No matter how dumb his outfit was. Right now he was wearing his usual loose white pants and tall black boots with a tight black mock neck that just barely covered his chest. He'd traded the long furred lined sleeveless "jacket" for a shorter vest like version. And I couldn't help but notice the return of his long gloves. Sting was a certified hottie and I wasn't gonna try to deny it anymore.

But what I could deny and would continue to deny were the feelings that had budded up inside me since that morning we went training together. They'd grown every day and while he was avoiding me I was secretly thankful. Those feelings had already taken root within me and I didn't want them to continue to blossom. I didn't think I had room in my heart for both Natsu and Sting. And it wouldn't be fair to Sting to lead him on.

Maybe I didn't say it out loud, but I always knew deep down Natsu was going to come back for me. If I had feelings for Sting or I nurtured his feelings for me, what would happen when Natsu finally came back? Because he was coming back.

I knew Sting wasn't loyal to the women he slept with, I knew he was a player but he didn't deserve the fire dragon's anger. I'd thought from the moment we left that playground as he playfully raced me home he was gonna try to sleep with me and if he tried hard enough I was probably gonna let him. That's why I was so relieved when he avoided me. I figured he knew better and didn't think the sex would be worth the hassle.

But then, that night in the courtyard, something changed in his voice. It's like he stopped playing a role and I was seeing the real Sting, kind, gentle, curious. And I really liked what I saw. But laying against him, against his warmth that reminded me so much of Natsu, I knew my heart was too full to let him in. When I started crying I figured I reminded him why he stuck to the booty calls. My emotions were too much for him, which was for the best. I had expected him to ignore me again, the next day though he actually apologized. And talking to him during the boat voyage was easy at first. Until that night on the deck…I blushed at the memories and prayed he wouldn't notice.

My heart didn't have space for him, I knew that, but my body and my emotions didn't care. The boy that had my heart was gods only knew where, meanwhile Sting was right here. And it was like our bodies were calling out to each other. I couldn't give in, so I've been avoiding him instead. But he wasn't having it.

He kept trying to start up conversations while we were walking, so I positioned myself between Yukino and Minerva and kept up as much conversation with them as I could, no matter how meaningless it was because I knew he wouldn't interrupt us. When we stopped to make camp, I busied myself with setting up the girls tent or volunteered to collect firewood with Lector and Minerva. When we cooked around the campfire I talked to Rogue about Frosch's diet. I did anything and everything I could to avoid talking to him. I knew he wanted to know what happened that night. Why I freaked out. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that touching me like that reminded me of Natsu comforting me, hand on my head, foreheads pressed together.

Maybe he wouldn't care. Maybe he'd be fine to just hit and quit it. Maybe I was misinterpreting the touches and glances he gave me. Maybe I could just do what my body was demanding I do and when this quest was over he'd go back to leading his guild and I'd go back to waiting for Natsu and we'd forget about each other. Sting could go on his Fiore wide tour of eligible bedrooms and I could finally tell Natsu how I felt. But something told me Sting might actually want more than that and I really couldn't deal.

When we stopped I was hoping I could drag Lector off to collect some firewood, but before I could ask him Minerva had linked her arm with Rogue's making him drop the tent he was holding and pulled him off to the woods with the exceeds to get it themselves. Yukino quickly volunteered to look for water and before I knew it we were all alone. I summoned Loke as fast as I could and started talking about setting up camp. Hoping Sting would take the hint and leave us alone. I wasn't so lucky it seemed.

"What's up, Sting?" I said, breaking the silence. Hopefully if I acted like nothing was wrong we could keep this short and sweet.

"You tell me," Wow, today clearly was not my lucky day.

"Just setting up the tent, maybe you should set yours up over…." I trailed off as my eyes landed on the perfectly set up tent the boys would be sleeping in tonight.

"Yea, wanna try again?"

"I don't know what you mean." But that was a lie.

"I mean, do you want to look for another excuse or will you actually talk to me?"

Ugh, why did I have to do this? And what was I supposed to say? That I'm in love with Natsu? That if all he wanted was a quick, or maybe not so quick, hook up I'd be down but he absolutely can't like like me? That maybe even that wasn't a good idea because maybe I liked him too much? I mean…what the hell did he want from me? I was too scared to find out.

"We can talk but I have to help Loke set up the tent." He tilted his head to look over my shoulder and nodded behind me. And of course, the tent was perfectly set up and Loke was popping back through his gate with a wave and a smirk.

"Anything else?" He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at me.

"Fine," I sighed. "What did you want to talk about?" He looked at me like I was crazy.
"Gee, what could I want to talk about? I mean…can't think of a single interesting topic…Come on, Lucy, what the fuck do you think I wanna talk about?!" He wasn't gonna let this go and he was right, I had officially run out of excuses. I only hoped one of the others would return soon before I said something I'd regret.

"Lucy…" he reached his hand out to me, grasping my forearm and giving me a small shake. "Please, just tell me…what did I do wrong?" I felt sick looking at the sadness on his face.

Yeah…he definitely wouldn't care this much if he just wanted a hookup. I didn't know where to start. Should I tell him the truth? Should I make something up? Blame it on being worried about Aquarius? Because I definitely couldn't let him keep beating himself up. I was still thinking of what to do when his next words hit me harder than a Lucy kick.

"If…if I did anything to…hurt you…I'm so sorry," he tilted his head and lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. "I promise you, if you give me a chance–"

"Stop." I cut him off. I couldn't hear any more of this. He was worried about hurting me. While I'm sitting here thinking about another guy, I was the absolute worst person.

"Everything is fine, Sting." I tried to sound confident and reassuring, but the pleading in his eyes was like a knife to my gut. "You didn't do anything wrong and I won't try anything like that again." There, done. But now he looked hurt and confused. Shit, I'm no good at this. Where is Yukino? Someone save me!

"Like what again?" He just kept pushing. I had no choice. I had to cut this off once and for all. I couldn't ignore him and childishly hope he wouldn't notice or care. He did and he does.

"Look, Sting," I started, hoping to let him down easy. As soon as the words left my mouth I could tell he knew exactly where this was going, but he was not giving up.

"No." He said flatly.

"No?"

"No," a confirmation.

"No, what?" I shouldn't have asked.

"No, you are not going to tell me you don't feel something for me too. No, you are not gonna lie to yourself or to me. There's something there, Luce, I know it and so do you." My heart just stopped at the sound of that familiar nickname in a still unfamiliar voice.

"Don't call me that."

"What? Luce?"

"I said don't call me that!" I snapped at him. He looked so taken aback at the anger in my voice and I didn't blame him. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know what that name meant to me. And I've been pretty hot and cold with him for a while now, it had to be frustrating and super confusing. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

"I'm sorry," and he looked like he meant it. "But will you please just talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about. What we did was a mistake and I'm not letting it happen again. Please just leave me alone." As I tried to walk past him into the woods, just trying to get away, he grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Sting, please just let me go." He did and I left. But I didn't miss his mumbled reply. "I can't."

Rogue and Minerva came back not long after Lucy ditched me. I was confused, irritated and sad and I was in no mood for company, especially because Yukino and Lucy returned just then carrying our daily supply of water, their little spirits flitting around their ankles. I just grabbed my knapsack and left. I couldn't be around her for even a minute without losing it. I wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her! I wanted to shake her until she told me what the fuck was going on! I wanted to…I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to hold her close to me. I wanted to tell her that I didn't know what was happening to me but I couldn't get her out of my head and hear her say the same. I just wanted her.

That's why I was sitting here now, all alone on a boulder in a small clearing not far from our camp, elbows on my knees, head resting on my arms, tugging at my hair. A familiar scent reached my nose followed by the gentle sound of footsteps on the fallen leaves.

"Hey, Yukino," the footsteps halted. "I'll be back in a few." Please leave, I thought.

"Master Sting?" She called. I straightened up, sighing, "Yeah?"

Instead of answering she walked over to me and sat down next to me. I looked at her sideways, wondering what she could possibly want.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"It's ok if you're not."

"I–"
"Is this about Lucy?" Oh great, so everyone's noticed.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Are you in love with her?" That was pretty abrupt, especially for Yukino.

"No!" I said quickly and emphatically. She smiled.

"But, you like her?" The interest in her voice made me hesitate, was she gonna go tell Lucy everything I said? I hesitated to answer. "Yeah," I finally said.

"She likes you, too." That perked me right up.

"Did she tell you that?" I asked, excited. Maybe she felt the same, we just needed to move slower?

"No, I can just tell."

"Oh," I said, a little disappointed. "How?"

She just gave me that look. You know, the one that said 'Trust me, I'm a girl I know these things.' It got quiet for a bit. Part of me really wanted to be alone, if I couldn't be around Lucy I didn't really wanna be around anyone. But another part of me, maybe a bigger one, was desperate to know why she thought that.

Desperate was a new feeling for me. I mean, I'm the white dragon slayer, half of the Twin Dragon duo, the best looking half at that, Master of Sabertooth, breaker of hearts. I was Sting Fucking Eucliffe and I was not desperate. But gods, Lucy had a way of making all that go away, my titles and rep didn't really mean shit when I was dealing with her. And my heart obviously didn't give a fuck that I had a reputation to keep or that Lucy was avoiding me. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to get a woman's perspective. I obviously didn't have a fucking clue.

"I think," I broke the silence. "I think, I fucked up."
"How?"

"I'm not really sure," I confessed. "On the boat we…well, we kissed–"

"Really!?" She squealed. Loudly.

"Take it easy, I got sensitive ears, ya know?"

"Sorry!" I brushed off the apology.

"Yes, really. But I must have done something wrong because she just started crying and ran away."

"Did you ask her about it? What did she say?"

"That I didn't do anything wrong but it was a mistake and to…to let her go." I sighed, dropping my head back into my hands, tugging my hair and trying to ignore the pressure in my chest. Yukino patted me on the shoulder, trying to comfort me I guess.

"Are you going to?"

"It's what she wants…."

"But?" She asked.

I turned my head enough to look at her. She was smiling encouragingly at me, waiting for me to go on. I hadn't told anyone how I felt about Lucy, except for Minerva. I'm not the kind of guy that likes to gush about his feelings. I don't ask people for advice on girls, I've never had any problem in that department. But Lucy wasn't just any girl. I didn't know her that well, but I wanted to change that, and what I did know I really liked. I hadn't been so upfront when Minerva asked me about Lucy, but I just let the dam break with Yukino. Maybe she'd know what I could do?

"But," I confessed. "I can't. I don't want to. Yukino–I can't get Lucy out of my head. I…I've never really felt like this before."

"Not even with…you know…?" She meant Minerva. It was kinda tough to hide from the guild what had happened. What with us screaming at each other outside my office. Come to think of it, Yukino was passing by in the hallway when we started to go at it. She had a front row seat.

I shook my head. "This is definitely different. I mean, I thought I loved Minerva, you know? But I was just in love with an idea, I guess. There was a lot about her I didn't really even like!" She nodded her understanding.

"And Lucy?"

"Lucy…" I sighed, I felt like an idiot even talking about this. But clearly I couldn't figure out what to do on my own and, well, Yukino was the one that brought it up. "With Lucy it's like, everything is out there for the world to see. She's not afraid to be herself, she's not trying to impress anybody or intimidate people. Minerva had this…I don't know…a wall I guess. I thought I'd love what was behind it but…. Lucy though…she's not running away or hiding anything." I blushed, I guess I knew what I was feeling even more than I realized.

"That's not true though," she said in her gentle voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…has she told you about what she's been doing? Since Fairy Tail broke up, I mean?"

"You mean at…Sorcerer's Weekly?"

Yukino shook her head sadly. "Please," I grabbed her hands and squeezed her gently. "Yukino, please tell me."

She hesitated a moment more, gripping me back. She seemed to be weighing her options, maybe wondering what to tell me and how much?

"It really is not my place to speak for Lucy. But she's been searching out her guildmates, keeping tabs on them. The whole wall of her bedroom back in Crocus is covered with notes and articles, spread out on a huge map of Fiore." I was stunned. She was what…? Trying to track them down? I knew she hadn't really been in contact with anyone from her old guild while we were in Crocus, but I didn't think she'd lost track of them completely. No wonder she was so eager to let us go with her. I was surprised, at the time, when she didn't insist on bringing along Gray or Erza, maybe even little Wendy. They were a tight team after all. But clearly she didn't have anyone else.

"What about Gray and Erza?"

"Shacking up with Juvia and traveling with Jellal, respectively. We reached out to them but we didn't hear back before we left Fiore." She smiled. Way to go ice boy. Didn't think he had it in him. I asked the question I had to but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer. "And…Natsu?"

"She doesn't know. She isn't even sure he knows Fairy Tail disbanded."
"How is that possible?" Was he just not paying attention when the master said 'see ya later?'
"He left, before the announcement was made." But that would mean…he just left her behind and hadn't been in contact at all? What could have happened that would make him leave her side? I thought…I thought they were gonna end up together. "But you don't know why?" She shook her head. "Lucy wouldn't talk about it, I only know when he left because of the picture she had on her wall." She hung up his picture…in her bedroom. I tried to stamp down the jealousy that filled me at that info…she must have really missed him. "It said 'Last Seen' dated a day before it disbanded.

"Sting, I think Lucy is just confused. She likes you but maybe she doesn't want to feel like she replaced Natsu." I just nodded. But I didn't believe any of it. I saw the way those two were together. The way her face lit up when she smiled at him, I hadn't seen that since the day we'd left Magnolia after Tartaros. Not any time since we got back to Crocus.

"She's waiting for him."
"What? Sting, I don't think that's true. I don't think you should give up."

She gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze before she left me sitting there alone, my thoughts a tangled mess of confusion. She didn't want me…Natsu. It was always gonna be Natsu.

I got back late to the camp. I didn't wanna wake Rogue or the exceeds, besides, there was no way I was gonna be able to sleep tonight. So I sat next to the campfire, watching it die down. I'd been crouched there, getting colder and colder, for I don't know how long. She was right, my jacket is ridiculous, I shivered rubbing my arms trying to warm them. I heard the rustling of a tent flap opening, stumbling footsteps in the grass, I was just watching the fire get lower and lower. I didn't want to talk to anyone…except…sniff sniff…Lucy.

"Hey," I said, trying to keep my voice down. She still jumped.

"Oh! Hey…Sting." She turned to head into the woods but I wasn't gonna be brushed off this time. I had to tell her how I felt or I was gonna regret it. Maybe forever.

"Wait…please," I hated the way my voice sounded, begging. But I couldn't help it.

"Sting, I–"

"No, Lucy, it's ok. You don't have to say anything, but just hear me out."
"No, I–"

"Lucy," I was pleading now. "Please."

"Sting, I have to pee!" Oh, dear gods. I felt like my face was on fire. Of course that's why she left the tent in the middle of the night. I am such an idiot.

"Oh, yeah, of course. S-sorry, I'll…umm…I'll let you go."

"Thanks," she mumbled, rushing off behind the trees.

I just sat by the fire again, watching the spot where she had disappeared. I didn't give her a chance to sneak back into her tent when I heard her coming back. I stood straight up and called out to her. "Lucy, please…come sit with me." I gestured to the spot next to me, she hesitated before she finally made her way over, pointedly taking a seat across from me on the opposite side of the fire. I wondered if she was thinking about him as we watched the fading embers.

"I know you wanted me to leave you alone, and if you still feel like that when I'm done you can just walk away, I won't bother you again. We can…we can just talk when we have to. Please, just hear me out, alright?"

She swallowed before nodding. Whew, I was relieved. I'd been thinking about what I wanted to say to her, or at least how I would say it. Whatever her response was, things were gonna be different between us tomorrow. Fuck it.

"I'm sorry that I've been acting kinda out there. I know you don't really know me, and me ignoring you for a week didn't really help with that." I smiled as I listened to her surprising laughter. Alright, I can do this.

"The other day…on the-the ship," she tensed up as I spoke, was it just my imagination or was she blushing. I just hoped for the best. "I didn't mean to take it that far with you, I'm sorry if…if it scared you off. I hope we can maybe start over?" I looked at her , fingers crossed.

She gave her head a little sad shake, before turning her eyes to the sky. I didn't think she was gonna answer me, so much time had passed. My ears perked up when, in a quiet voice she said….

"Aquarius looks good tonight." I was on my feet in no time.

"Yeah?" I said eagerly, rushing to sit by her side.

"Show me?" I asked.

"Why don't you show me?"

I turned my head obediently to search the sky for myself, but I didn't miss her giggle. Alright what was it again…off kilter square…no, diamond! My eyes were scanning the sky and landed on a diamond-like shape, with a little star just below it.

"There!" I said, pointing off to the right.

"Good job," I could hear the laughter in her voice. She was smiling up at me, I could definitely see the blush on her cheeks now. I could swear her face was lighting up, not like it did for him. Just a little.

"Lucy…" I lifted my hand to her, my fingers hovering over her cheek.

"Let me show you Leo next!"

"I don't think your kitty cat cares if I know where he sleeps at night." I wasn't gonna let her off that easily. I hadn't said everything I needed to say and she'd promised she would listen.

"No," her laughter was different now, more nervous. "I guess he'd probably rather you not."

"Lucy…I just…I wanted you to know…I know how I can come across, I know the kinda guy people think I am."

"I always thought you liked having that rep? Had to be a lot of…work to maintain it."
"Uhhh…yea, I guess so." I didn't know what to say to that so I just moved it along.

"I know what people think, but I just…I wanted you to know, that's not what I was trying to do with you…I wasn't trying to…use you or anything like that." She got a little pale at that and opened her mouth to say something but I rushed to finish.

"I wanna get to know you better…I wanna….take you out, when this is all over, I-I-I wanna try to…be with you Lucy…do you think you'd eve–"

"I'm in love with Natsu." Huh. Who woulda thought, 5 little words really could tear out a dragon slayer's heart.