It had been foolish to believe that feeling of promise could last. I should have known there was no hiding from myself. Phoenix wasn't haunted… I was, by my own choices. I thought about making some excuse to stay in bed but I made a commitment to that little library. Renee's advice still stood.

The face that greeted me in the mirror was pitiful. I couldn't completely wash away the evidence of my morning crying jag, but my red eyes were less swollen and no tear stains remained when I was finished. I didn't have the energy to comb through the frizzy tangles I had created in my fitful sleep. I just ran a few fingers through the biggest knots and put my hair into two braids on either side of my head. It was the best I could do.

Charlie was waiting for me in the kitchen. He was stroking his mustache, staring off into space. There were two cups of coffee on the table. I sat down without direction, the intent was fairly obvious.

Had he heard me crying this morning? I thought I was quiet. I had held my hand over my mouth to muffle the sobs.

I took a sip of coffee and winced.

Charlie went to the fridge and pulled out a vanilla creamer. "Here, it's a little sweet."

"Thanks," I croaked. My hand flew up to my throat in surprise. It hurt to speak. I felt the blood drain out of my face as I realized the reason for this sit down. The screaming of my dreams had been real.

Charlie sat down and took a sip of his coffee and watched me silently as I poured the creamer.

I cleared my throat, it didn't make me sound any better. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?! No, no, no," he stammered. "I thought someone was in your room. I ran in and saw the window open and was ready for a fight. But it was just you, alone." He looked down at his lap. "If there had been someone to fight, I would have at least felt useful."

"I just talk in my sleep sometimes, Dad…"

It sounded pathetic to my own ears.

He shook his head. "That wasn't sleep talking. I've never seen anything like it. I couldn't wake you up. I couldn't do anything to help you."

"What did I say?" I whispered.

He turned red and sipped his coffee.

It was certainly very bad then, I also used my cup of coffee as a shield.

"Sounded like you were arguing with your mother."

"About?"

"Nonsense, mostly. You were angry…upset." He took another sip of coffee.

If he wasn't going to answer me there was no use torturing ourselves.

"I've gotta get to school. Are we going to talk about it or not?"

He broke down into sobs, his whole body shook with the force of it. The sounds seemed to bounce off of every surface of our tiny kitchen before they tore their way through my heart. I had seen him cry a tear or two since mom died, but never in my life something like this. And it was my fault.

I grabbed his hand across the table. "I'm sorry. I know you're worried. I'm just embarrassed."

He squeezed my hand and his breathing slowly returned to a normal rhythm. The steady stream of tears continued to paint his ruddy cheeks.

"Renee loved you very much. Don't doubt that okay? Not for one second. She loved being your mother."

Oh, no. I had to leave before I was in the same state as Charlie.

I got up and kissed his forehead. "I know. Thanks for the coffee. I'll see you, later…I'll tell you how it goes at the library today."

He leaned into my touch and took a shuddering breath. "Okay."

I made for my escape.

Charlie had gone to bed thinking things were finally changing then he woke up to me screaming bloody murder. How long had he sat vigil while I tossed and turned? The whole thing was horrifyingly vulnerable.

I was almost out the door when I heard Charlie call for me. I didn't know how much more I could take, but I turned back around anyway. I was already plagued by the memory of slamming the door in Renee's face. No need to add anymore regrets to my already heavy heart.

He grabbed my arm and squeezed it. For a moment I was in two realities, it was Charlie grabbing me but it was also Renee. I wondered if I was cracking.

Please, let this moment end.

"You really shouldn't sleep with the window open like that in the cold, you'll get sick."

I quickly agreed even though I didn't know what he was talking about, I was just desperate to get away from his weepy face.

I turned around and stared at my hand on the door handle. There was something I didn't say to Renee that day I ran away from her efforts to connect.

"I love you."

"Love you, too." It was a broken whisper from a broken man.

Then finally, I was free.

I could feel myself beginning to spin out of control as I got in the car. I needed a distraction or I was going to end up on the side of the road a quivering mess. Jacob had said the album was a concept record. I put it on and worked on deciphering the lyrics in context of it being a science fiction story. Thoughts and emotions peeked through, making it difficult to concentrate, but I got to school without crying.

I didn't get out of my car when I parked. I turned up the volume until the wall of sound was indecipherable and closed my eyes. My speakers crackled and buzzed in protest. Anything to escape the burning ache in my chest, the sounds of Charlie's cries…

Two loud taps startled me out of my seat. Edward was standing at my window. His expression was…hard to read.

I turned off my car and grabbed my backpack. The abrupt lack of sound was painful and disorienting. I looked around in attempt to gather my bearings. There were only a few students around and all of them were rushing off to class. I had lost track of time but at least I didn't feel like I was about to burst into tears anymore.

I took a deep breath before I joined him outside. I wasn't sure if I was capable of a normal conversation and I certainly didn't want to have an honest one. I tried for humor but had forgotten the state of my voice.

"Do you usually spend your time herding stray students to class?" I rasped.

So much for casual. I hoped he would go along with my attempt to lighten the mood.

He just shook his head and started walking slowly towards the school.

I stood there suddenly feeling rather foolish. Did he want me to walk with him or was he just doing me a favor on his way to class?

Edward looked over his shoulder and I followed, blushing all the way.

When I caught up with him I noticed he was out of sorts himself. The largest evidence towards this was his hair. It was nothing like his usual casual disarray, it was pulled and twisted, standing in every direction. I had never seen anything quite like it. But another tell was the gray shirt he wore under his open black peacoat. It was one button off the entire way down. He managed to pull the whole look off.

I pointed to his uneven collar. "Your morning must have been as bad as mine."

He pursed his lips a moment and sighed, "I don't suppose you'll tell me what's wrong?"

I didn't mean to open up the discussion to my feelings but I obviously had.

I looked away from him. "You suppose right."

"Are you sure?"

I threw up my hand. "More than anything."

I was maybe three wrong thoughts away from a meltdown. No reason for my ringing ears to have been in vain.

He muttered something to himself. The words were too low for me to hear.

That he had any concern for me whatsoever felt nice. Usually concern felt like an obligation to meet, but it didn't feel that way right now.

"Thanks for caring, anyway."

His topaz eyes shot over to mine. They were bright and warm despite the faint purple shadows beneath them. "I do."

I did my best to ignore the implication of those two simple words and the accompanying thrill. He worried about me but he was obviously going through something himself.

"Are you okay? I care, too."

He shook his head, whether at my question or my admission, I wasn't sure.

The bell rang signaling our tardiness. Neither of us hurried our steps. He could have rushed off at any point...was his class even in the same direction? He was the definition of mixed signals. I needed to manage my expectations. He had already hurt my feelings. A total flight risk as far as I was concerned. Maybe literally…

"So are we friends, then?" I demanded.

He stopped walking and studied the sidewalk. "You really want to be my friend?"

His disbelief was astonishing to me. He wasn't the most approachable person on the planet but how many times had he gone out of his way to be kind to me already? What was so hard to believe?

"Do you just like hearing me say that or…?"

He ran a hand through his devilish mane, dislodging half of the bronze horns, and turned to face me with an uneasy smile.

"Despite my best intentions, I keep finding opportunities to insert myself into your life. So, if that's what you wish…"

"No need to do me a favor," I grumbled.

"It's my honor to be your friend," he assured, "but just about anyone would be a better choice for you."

I suppressed a laugh. He thought so little of himself, it was almost absurd.

"I think I can live with my decision."

He recoiled from me, his shoulders shooting up to his ears; then wilted and hung his head.

His throat caught as he whispered, "I hope I prove deserving of your trust, Bella."

I bent slightly to meet his ashamed eyes, I didn't dare disturb the private quiet he had created.

"I think you will, Edward. I hope you'll find you can trust me."

He stiffened and turned around.

Principal Greene was stomping his way over to us with a newspaper over his head. I hadn't even noticed the drizzle until I saw his improvised shield.

"Edward! Isabella!" he called as he got closer. "School's started, what are you doing?"

Edward just stared dumbfounded while Mr. Greene inspected him over, so I spoke up.

"Sorry, Mr. Greene. I fell asleep in my car and Edward woke me up. He was just walking me..."

He turned flat on his heels to face me with the same critical eye. I hoped the hoarseness of my voice would do it's part to plead my case.

He sighed and waved his hand dismissively. "Okay, well just get to class."

He cast another glare at Edward. "You, too." He pointed behind himself. "I believe Calculus is that way."

The total opposite side of the campus as mine.

Edward was a little sheepish when he combed his fingers through the still wild side of his hair. "Yes, sir."

He turned to me and I bit my lip, unsure of how to part ways after our exchange, never mind with an audience.

His lips curved into the most brilliant smile I'd ever seen… ever. Just like that, whatever had bothered him before was gone from his mind. I had the embarrassing thought that maybe he was an angel. What mortal could be so beautiful? My heart double timed.

"Now," Mr. Greene all but yelled.

Edward rolled his eyes, but that smile didn't leave his face. "Until Biology, friend?"

I swallowed, completely overwhelmed at the sight of his joy. Had I any part of that? I felt dizzy.

I blinked. "Er…Yeah…"

I scurried away with my head down to Literature class before I could embarrass myself any further. Edward reduced me to one word syllables with nothing but a smile. I was done for.

Mr. Mason wasn't thrilled with my late arrival but spared me a lecture. Maybe he wasn't the worst.

Thoroughly distracted from my problems or schoolwork, I mulled over our exchange…

After what I could only interpret as a series of vows, Edward and I were officially friends. And if becoming friends went against his best intentions, what other intentions did he have? It had not been a casual decision on his part…I'd have thought we were binding ourselves together for all eternity with the weight and sincerity he had given the occasion.

Maybe he would appreciate a friendship bracelet since he had been so formal about the whole thing. I was sure I had a bead kit packed away somewhere. Or would he think it was silly? He was a serious person, that had been made clear, but I hoped he didn't take himself too seriously. I'd find out.

"I hope I prove deserving of your trust, Bella."

He was devastated by the possibility that I would regret the decision to be his friend. I didn't want him to worry, I wanted to see that heavenly smile every day.

And what was it that had him so discombobulated this morning? Whatever it was caused him to torture his hair and distracted him enough he hadn't bothered to pay attention getting dressed. I had never seen a Cullen sibling look anything other than catwalk ready. It just wasn't done.

I hoped his day was turning around. I wondered if he was thinking of me.

As each class went on, it got harder to avoid the guilt weighing on my conscious. My mind kept oscillating between Charlie and Renee's heartbroken faces. I had done that to them. Logically I knew that Charlie's grief wasn't my fault necessarily…but I still couldn't shake the fact that my pain hurt him. Wasn't his own pain enough for him to carry? Was grief nothing but an endless feedback loop?

I couldn't escape into Narnia in Government, I embarrassed myself in Trig by not knowing what question we were on when I was called. In Spanish, Angela could tell there was something wrong. But as was her way, she didn't ask me about it.

Instead she did something sweeter that hurt worse…she rubbed my upper back in soothing circles while we worked quietly on our assignment. It only made me realize Renee would never do the same for me again…could never tell me she loved me again.

I could barely squeak out a "thanks" when she was done.

By the time I got to the cafeteria, I no longer had a grip on myself. I tried to read while waiting in the lunch line but I couldn't focus on the words, I had zeroed in on the conversation between Jessica and her minion, Lauren Mallory, in front of me.

"My mom's being such a bitch! Ugh! I don't understand why she won't just let me go to the concert! I know it's in Seattle, but seriously?! I've had my license for six months…you'd help me drive…It's not that far away. I just hate her sometimes!" Jessica shrilled.

"It's totally not fair!" Lauren agreed.

I glared at the back of Jessica's head as she continued ranting to her supportive friend.

I was annoyed. Sure, I understood her predicament but was that a reason to call your mom a bitch….to hate her? Ungrateful. Didn't she know something could happen to her? What if she came home to find out she no longer had a mother at all? She'd regret this very moment.

With a sudden clarity, I saw a reflection of myself I hated. I wouldn't have ever called Renee a bitch, too disrespectful for my tastes. But I did call her selfish, vindictive, and manipulative behind her back to Joanie…and controlling, demanding, and irritating to her face.

I could feel my eyes beginning to prick. I wasn't going to be able to get through the lunch line and I didn't want my grief to be the day's entertainment. I needed to leave.

I stepped out of line and briskly made my way to the nearest doors. Once outside I ran as fast as I could to get under the awning of the adjacent building. It was raining, as always.

I screamed. And then I screamed again but it sounded closer to a wail. I felt ridiculous. I groaned as I sat down with my back against the building and rested my head between my knees.

I was angry at Jessica for not knowing how lucky she was to have a mom to annoy her.

I was angry at myself. For being spiteful, for being selfish...all the charges I had once hurled at Renee. At the time, it all felt so justified. I spent my life doing whatever she asked of me, whenever she wanted. I went off with her on any trip she thought of, joined her in her explorations of spirituality, pottery, hiking… And I enjoyed doing all of those things with her.

But this summer I put my foot down. It was my time to do with as I wanted. And I wanted to spend it with Benji and Joanie. I was happy for her, but it wasn't my wedding. I didn't really give a damn about trying out the different catering options or picking floral arrangements. Didn't she have a fiancé for that? We shopped for dresses together, I thought that had been enough.

In her mind, it was my responsibility as her daughter. To me, it felt like Renee flip-flopped the parental role whenever it suited her. I told her so…it hurt her deeply.

Every interaction of ours for three solid months was strained. Sometimes it got so tense there was nothing left to do but for one of us to snap at the other. Most of it just elicited eye rolls from me but sometimes her opinions dug in and festered. Like now.

"I keep waiting for you to make one decision that isn't irresponsible or selfish and you keep disappointing me."

Did she really think so low of me?

At least I had comfort in the fact that tensions between us had eased a few weeks before her wedding, but only because I made an apology I didn't truly feel at the time. I didn't see the need to be right anymore. Benji was off to WSU with no plans of ever coming back to Arizona. It was a moot point, I let her have the win.

I wasn't sorry then but I was truly sorry now. All of those arguments felt so stupid, a waste of precious time. I wished that I had spent more time with her…made more memories with her. Trying out cake and looking at beautiful flowers sounded wonderful. Did I come across as bratty as Jessica when I complained to Joanie?

Irresponsible. Selfish.

I watched a tear fall off my nose onto the pavement.

"Was I a bad daughter?" I whispered.

I heard someone clear their throat.

I looked up to find Edward, shirt correctly buttoned, standing under the opposite side of the awning. The rain had picked up, I couldn't see anything through the thick curtain behind him. We might as well have been completely alone.

"Something tells me you weren't," he murmured gently.

His eyes were so genuine it made me bristle. What did he know?

I glared at him and wiped away my tears.

I wanted to ask him how much of my outburst he saw but I already knew the answer. He followed me out here…he probably saw all of it. So I skipped to my next line of questioning.

"Well, are you just going to stand there?"

He actually thought about it. He was always so…hesitant around me. Hadn't we just walked together a few hours ago? What was so different now?

I didn't think I was intimidating. He was the one who had terrified me so completely when we first met. How could he be afraid of anyone with a ferocity like that simmering beneath the surface?

Maybe he wasn't afraid of me…but of himself.

This morning's conversation replayed again in my mind for the hundredth time with a darker edge.

"I think I can live with my decision."

"I hope I prove deserving of your trust, Bella."

Should I be afraid of him? Once I had been, but I couldn't find it in myself to be now. I knew the idea of hurting me pained him, that felt enough for me to trust that he wouldn't.

Deciding it was safe, he made his way over and sat across from me with a shy smile.

I was finally grateful for his intrusion. Looking at him was a great distraction from my pity party, as was solving a mystery.

I folded my knees to match his position.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Distract me? Like…what are you going to do after school today? Friends talk about that sort of thing, right?"

He chuckled. "Yes, I believe they do…I'll probably go out for a run."

Of course a person who disappears out of sight within a blink of an eye would love to run.

"I don't peg you a sweatband and sneakers kinda guy. Maybe more the rugged trail type?"

"The off trail type, actually," he amended, a tad smug.

I didn't doubt that.

"I'm glad you enjoy it…We had to run a mile in under ten minutes to pass gym back in Phoenix. I had to try every day for a week straight to make the time. It was torture."

I wondered how long it would take him to run a mile, but I was sure he would lie. Up until yesterday even his musical interests were too private a topic for him to share.

Instead, I asked, "Is that something they do here?" I frowned, dread creeping in at the thought.

He grinned and propped his chin in his hand. "All you have to do is show up. I think you'll find the standards here much lower than back home. My turn. What are you doing after school?"

I didn't like him calling Phoenix home…but if I told him that, I would have to tell him that I wasn't sure where home was anymore…and that would bring the topic to my mother and why I thought I was a bad daughter.

"I went to the library after school yesterday. You were right, it is a little sad." I shrugged. "…but the librarians seem very kind. I'm going back in today, I offered to volunteer twice a week. It's a cozy place, it just needs some TLC."

"I think it's amazing that you would volunteer from the kindness of your heart." He removed his hand from his chin and pointed to the center of my chest.

My face grew hot. With a spark, his proximity kickstarted said kind heart.

He withdrew his hand and rested it on his knee and continued, "Most students only do so to tick off a box for a college application. What will you be doing there?"

His hair no longer showed signs of his own hostility, but it was still gloriously untamable and wet. I had to hold myself back from tucking a wayward piece behind his ear. I wanted to find out if I'd feel another jolt at the touch. That wasn't rational.

And amazing? I wouldn't say that, but for him to think that of me had me exhilarated in a way that also wasn't rational.

But rational or not, I was excited.

My words toppled out enthusiastically, "I'm not sure. I offered to clean and whatever else they needed. I know the Dewey Decimal System well, so hopefully they'll let me put books away, check people out, that sort of thing. But what I'm really hoping to do is to get them a media section. I never knew there were libraries that didn't have music and movies! I would have missed out on so much if we didn't always have access to a free rental growing up…"

He scrunched his eyes closed and grimaced. His hands that had been resting on his knees now held on for dear life. I worried for the integrity of his jeans.

"…Anyway, I figure that will take a while. They don't know me from Eve…but I'm sure I could figure out someway to get funding…" I trailed off quietly.

He didn't open his eyes or acknowledge that I had stopped talking. Had he not been listening? Maybe he wasn't as interested as I thought.

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach to die off with the rest of the butterflies that had just lost flight. I was unable to hide my disappointment.

"Am I boring you?"

"Absolutely not," he promised.

"What did I say?"

He took a deep breath in and swallowed but said nothing.

I was about to call him out on lying to me when he responded, "You're not sure what you'll be doing but you hope they take advantage of your capabilities. You also intend to bring a multimedia section into the Forks Library circulation because you want others to benefit from having the same access that you had. Forgive me, go on…"

Okay, so he was listening. But I was too distracted by his behavior to talk about volunteering anymore.

"Are you having a panic attack?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Is that what it looks like to you?"

"You look like you're trying to keep from crawling out of your skin."

His eyes shot open and he busted out in a hearty laugh. It was a gift to see and hear while it lasted.

He winced, cutting off that musical sound, and closed his eyes again. His fingers flexed. He swallowed. He was so tense I was surprised he wasn't breaking out in a sweat, even in the cold.

We sat in silence for a moment longer.

Edward opened his eyes and his death grip relaxed, a little.

He finally answered, "I'm not having a panic attack. But I am…uncomfortable."

I remembered him pressed up against the lockers with his hands splayed out, looking every bit like a person regretting their decision to ride a gravitron, while I had my own panic attack crumpled on the other side of the hall. His eyes had darted to the door every other second waiting for his opportunity to leave. He had said I didn't make him uncomfortable, but…

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, but I am uncomfortable around you."

What a clarification.

"…I fail to see the difference."

"I'm the one with the issues, remember?"

He had wanted to leave then, but he hadn't until he thought I was okay. Did he want to go now?

"You can go back to lunch if you want," I offered.

He smiled apologetically. "Are you politely asking me to leave?"

"No, just giving you an out."

"Then I'll stay, I'm feeling better now…Besides, if we're to be friends, I'll have to adjust, won't I?"

I blushed and moved on. "How'd you fall in such bad favor with Mr. Greene by the way?"

All the talk of his discomfort reminded me of our earlier interaction with the principal.

"You noticed that, did you?" He ran a hand through his hair, keeping the coppery strands fixed in his grip and avoided my eyes. "Well, I wasn't until this morning, but he'll be keeping an eye on me."

"Why? Being a couple of moseying students is hardly the worst offense."

"I'm not sure how to say this respectfully." He let his hair go and sighed before returning his remorseful gaze. "And I am very sorry, because I think it is rather disrespectful towards you…But because of how…disheveled I was coming into school this morning, he suspects that we-"

My growing hysteria wouldn't allow him to continue. "He told you that?! Why hasn't he spoken to me? Do you think he's called Charlie? I don't think I could live through that! Please, kill me-"

His lip curled in disgust. "Don't beg me to kill you, it's awful. And no, nothing of the sort. He didn't say anything to me and he certainly won't have a talk with you or your father…I could just tell." His face softened. "Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it."

My jaw clenched. I decided to ignore his weird sensitivity to hyperbole. "That's a lot to extrapolate from a look, Edward."

With a flourish of his hand, he dismissed the truth, completely untroubled by the assumption he had pulled from thin air. "I've got a pretty good read on people."

"Well, you told me I was hard to read," I countered.

"Yes, I did. Though, I do think I'm slowly learning with a bit of effort. But the rest of them?" He picked up my library book on the concrete between us. "They're open books."

He started flipping through the weathered pages until he got to my bookmark. He carefully examined the Queen of Swords tarot card between his fingers, lightly tracing her crown of butterflies…her offered hand…her ready sword…before flipping it over.

It was a gift from Joanie, for never taking any shit and always telling it like it is. At least, that's what she had written on the back of it.

"I'm not that different from anyone else, maybe you're not as good at it as you think. Renee calls…my mom always called me her little open book."

He slipped the bookmark in its rightful place and set the book down between us.

"You're wrong. You're not like anyone I've ever met."

I bit my cheek and shrugged.

I wondered what he found so difficult to understand about me or why he even cared to understand me at all. Not that I was complaining.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. It was more of a plea than a curiosity. His eyes were golden fire, urgent and yearning.

I felt both spellbound and caught. "Well, I was wondering what you were thinking actually…"

"Oh?"

"I spend way too much time trying to understand you… Which you've made very difficult with your every effort by the way," I added, limply shoving a finger in his direction.

It felt embarrassing to admit, but how could I deny him anything when he was looking at me like that? He already had admitted to his own interest.

"I do know the feeling. Have you come to any conclusions?"

I nodded.

The anticipation on his face turned into an expressionless mask as I gathered myself. He wanted to hide his reaction from me…which only made me more curious. Would he be impressed, insulted, intrigued?

I decided to go with the most obvious first.

"Well, you love music and literature. It only makes sense you appreciate most forms of art. Your Bio textbook is basically a prop... I pretty much sail through, but I think you could take that class in your sleep…I bet it's that way in all of your classes, too. You must spend a lot of time alone with so many interests.

You've got a temper and don't feel in control of yourself… You're intensely private. But here you are… So, you have some desire to know and be known by me, even if the idea terrifies you... I think you're very earnest and just as anxious… You clearly don't think highly of yourself but I think you're rather kind."

Edward's blank expression remained. Most of my observations only came from analyzing our every interaction tirelessly. I was desperate to know what he thought.

I folded my arms over my chest. "Well? How'd I do?"

He clasped his hands under his chin. "You did get one thing wrong, Queen of Swords…"

My fingers dug into my arms. "One thing?"

He tilted his chin up and looked down from his nose. "I know myself very well, you shouldn't think highly of me at all. I don't understand how you can after our introduction… I know I frightened you."

My evaluation was fine, it was my opinion of what the assessment he didn't agree with. I was a little pleased with myself.

"You did…but you obviously want to do right by me."

"Intentions and actions are not the same thing."

"I'm aware. We wouldn't be friends, otherwise."

I wanted to ask him what he had deduced about me but Alice waltzed in through the curtain of rain behind him. The only noise that accompanied her arrival was the rain hitting the hood of her lavender raincoat. All of the Cullens dressed sharply, but she was the most adventurous and inspired of them by far.

She dropped her hood with an elegant flick of her wrist. "There you are, Edward!" she sang.

Edward did not bother to turn around, he glowered at the ground.

"Here I am, Alice," he deadpanned.

She sat down beside him, leaned her head into his shoulder and threw him something between a smile and a pout. "Oh, don't be such a jerk."

Edward was unmoved by the command.

She pulled away from his shoulder and took a ziplock bag out of her coat pocket and dangled it in front of his flawless face. "I just came to see if you wanted my sandwich since you didn't have any lunch."

He finally met her patiently kind eyes, the same honeyed shade as his.

They had some kind of silent sibling conversation. The kind that, as an only child, I would never understand but always envy. A small eyebrow raise here, a smirk there, and like that…her generosity thawed him out.

He ruffled her hair. "No, but thanks for asking."

She turned and handed it to me. "How about you? Turkey and cheese…our mom made it."

My stomach growled in response, I hadn't eaten yet. I reached for the sandwich. I was disappointed my fingers didn't catch hers. I wanted to test if they were still just as cold.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll be sure to tell Esme you enjoyed it."

She hopped up and kissed the top of Edward's head. "Goodbye, my brooding brother."

He glared at her but his voice held only endearment. "Goodbye, my snooping sister."

Alice put her hand over her chest in mock innocence. "Who me?"

She put on her hood with another flick of the wrist and disappeared through the wall of rain just as silently as she arrived.

After a beat I said, "Your sister seems really sweet but she has awful timing."

He laughed and leaned back, resting on his palms at his sides. Rigid no more, he was the most artful picture of ease. "Sometimes I agree."

I had the feeling now was not one of those times.

"Well, she can't save you now…" I dug in my backpack for a pen, I thought it'd be fun to keep up the Queen of Swords bit. I sat upright and clinched the pen in one fist atop my knee and held out my open palm. "I'd like your assessment of me, please."

His eyes flickered back and forth between mine and then he exhaled, fanning the hair across his forehead. "You are…direct, generous, artistic, and well read… I'll also add horrifyingly observant and perceptive to my list."

I slumped from my queenly position. "There is no way that is all you have figured out."

"I have other theories, of course. But I'm conflicted... So, I'm keeping quiet lest I make some unforgivable gaffe."

I wielded my pen and huffed, "Come on! I gave you way more than that. 'Unforgivable gaffe.' You can be so dramatic. I'll add that to my list."

He sat up and held his hands up in defense. "I need a little extra time after being spelled out so easily… I'm not used to being the least intuitive of any pairing and I'm working with scraps comparatively. My ego is wounded."

"Then give me something else. Why do you care to figure me out at all?"

The bell rang.

He stood up in one slick motion and slung his backpack over his shoulder, stunning me completely with that heavenly smile again. "Who needs Alice when I've got the bell?"

I got up and braced myself on the brick wall behind me. My foot had fallen asleep. I shook it out, cringing through the painful tingling sensation. It was a welcome distraction from his stupefying smile.

I maintained my playful indignation with great effort. "It's going to be like that then, huh? I thought friends told each other these sorts of things?"

Edward watched my foot while I twirled it back to life before meeting my eyes with a sly expression. "You are so going to regret saying that… But, fine. When you stood up to me and asked what my problem was…it made me remember myself, so to speak…" He frowned. "No, wait."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and tapped a finger to his forehead. "Let me try to make sense."

I really enjoyed a flustered Edward. "Waiting…"

He dropped his hand and shoved it in his coat pocket. "What I mean to say is, I think you're very brave. And well…I do enjoy a good mystery."

The words were out before I could analyze them. "Got a thing for being put in your place, do you?"

Oops.

His answering smile was sinful. "It's more a necessity than anything so don't be too pleased by that. You did just open season on questions and I am…tenacious, if anything."

Maybe not an angel, then.

I took two large bites of my gifted sandwich before I could say something really stupid since apparently I couldn't be trusted. "Hmm?"

He rolled his eyes at my attempt to derail the conversation. "I've got to talk to my sister for a moment, so you enjoy that. But I'll have you trapped for the next hour, remember?"

It didn't matter that he had me trapped for the next hour. Mr. Banner used every minute of class to get us ready for our upcoming test and Edward walked in without a moment to spare.

At first I was miffed. I wanted to keep talking. We were just getting somewhere and neither of us needed to study for the damn thing. But while Mr. Banner was switching out the slides on the overhead projector, I glanced over at Edward just as he ran a hand through that gorgeous hair of his. At that moment I realized that when he told me he thought Mr. Greene suspected we had hooked up this morning, what he really told me was that he had imagined us hooking up, however briefly. Edward had imagined my fingers tugging and twisting his hair and unbuttoning his shirt… Did he like the idea?

Bad. Bad, Bella.

I looked anywhere but him as I hid behind my hair and banished thoughts that could do me no good sitting in a crowded classroom next to the person of interest. Especially when I wasn't even sure if the idea was a fantasy or a nightmare to him.

"I think it is rather disrespectful towards you."

That depends on who's thinking about it, Edward…

When we were finally released from Mr. Banner's study drill, he turned to me with a wry grin. "What a waste of an hour, I had a few questions planned..."

I tapped my pen to the unnecessary notes I had taken. "A waste, indeed."

"Really? I got the impression you were relieved…"

I cocked my head. He thought I didn't want his attention? I guess I had avoided looking in his direction most of class...

"I'm disappointed, actually. I learn a lot about you from your questions."

He pursed his lips as he stood from his seat. "I shouldn't be surprised by that at all…but my questions will just have to wait."

"I'm looking forward to it."

He nodded once and then walked away slowly, an all too casual stroll coming from someone who now thought of me as horrifyingly observant. Could he be more obvious?

Angela joined me at my desk and we walked out of class together.

"I noticed you left lunch today in a hurry. Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

She glanced around the rowdy hall and whispered, "I also noticed Edward Cullen followed behind you…was that welcome?"

I squeezed her shoulder. "You're sweet, Ange. Yes, he was welcome to join me."

She nodded, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Okay. Just checking. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Same."

Mike joined our step and immediately launched into a joke. "What do elves learn in school?"

"What, Mike?" Angela hissed.

Mike ignored her tone. "The elf-abet."

I giggled but Angela was having none of it.

"That's it. I've reached my quota with you today. Good luck, Bella. He must have found a joke book or something and he refuses to have a normal conversation. He thinks he's a real comedian."

She stormed off in the direction of her class. It was the most attitude I had ever seen from her.

"Wow, Mike. I didn't know Angela's patience could be tested."

He did his best attempt at a flirtatious smile. "Eh, I'm just too charming for her to handle sometimes."

I did nothing to reward the behavior. I had a more salacious grin on my mind. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Just stating the facts."

He bumped his shoulder into mine and I put some distance between us.

"Sure, sure."

True to Angela's word, Mike spent Gym telling incredibly bad jokes while I pretended to play badminton behind his protection. He really did think he was hilarious. Some were so bad I couldn't help but laugh much to his amusement.

My two favorites of the period were:

"What are bears without bees? …Ears."

"What has four wheels and flies? …A garbage truck."

But unlike Angela, I didn't mind the whole standup routine, it kept me from drowning too deeply in my steady rising nerves over volunteering at the library.

I didn't actually know the first steps of fundraising nor had I ever volunteered at a library before… I could find a book on a shelf, big deal… That didn't mean I had anything to offer them. Was it conceited to think my help was even needed? Would I offend them?

As if Edward had a radar to detect my distress, he was waiting leaned against a small tree outside of the gymnasium with his arms crossed tight over his chest.

Mike wasn't as thrilled at the surprise, I cut his joke off short with a "bye" and quickened my stride to greet my new friend.

I bounced my keys in my palm and smiled up at him. "This is unexpected."

"I'd say…" Mike griped under his breath as he passed.

I wasn't sure if he meant for us to hear his complaint but we both turned to stare at his retreating form. No more mister funny guy, I guess.

Edward turned to me, his bright eyes now crinkled in satisfaction at getting under Mike's skin, no doubt. I needed to ask him about that and soon. What was their deal?

"I forgot to wish you well at the library today," he explained.

"Oh, thanks. I could use the luck. I'm feeling like I might have been a little…presumptuous in thinking they want my help."

"If they didn't want your help they wouldn't have accepted it."

"That's what I'm trying to convince myself."

He uncrossed his arms and held his palms out at his sides. "Well, here I am convincing you. You can tell me I'm right tomorrow."

His posture and divine pale face reminded me of a cemetery angel I used to admire whenever we visited Gran's grave. But he was too devious to be an angel and much too kind to be a demon… A fallen angel then, maybe?

I realized I was staring at him like an idiot.

"I'm sure there won't be much to tell…um, I've got to get going actually."

That was definitely better than asking him if it hurt when he fell from heaven in total sincerity.

He kicked off the tree. "Of course, don't want to keep the librarians waiting."

We walked silently towards the parking lot, sneaking glances.

"How about you ask me an easy question while we have the time?" I suggested.

He did not hesitate. "Did you keep to yourself in Phoenix like you do here?"

"Pretty much... I do have one close friend there, we spent a lot of time together... I miss her a lot."

"Joanie, the one who gave you the tarot card?"

I nodded. "I never had a real friend until I met her…just acquaintances here and there. But that's by choice. I prefer my own company. I don't fit into all of…" I made a sweeping gesture. "this, really."

"What do you mean by that?"

We reached my car and I twirled my keys while I worked through my reply. "People make me feel like an alien. I find socializing to be a chore, I guess… I have a love for humanity as a whole. But mostly, I'd rather not be bothered."

"I thought you weren't that different from anyone else?"

I shot him a disbelieving look. "I'm the first teenager in the world who doesn't feel like she fits in?"

"That's not quite what you said but I'll let that slide, for now. " He pushed away a rogue strand in front of his eye and scratched the back of his neck. "So say I were to ask if I could sit with you at lunch tomorrow…"

I looked down at my hands. Would I ever stop blushing in his presence? "I could be bothered…"

"I'll try not to make my presence a chore," he added hesitantly.

I smiled up at him. "I enjoy your company."

He gave me a crooked grin. It was my decided favorite in the growing catalogue I now kept of his smiles. "I enjoy yours as well."

The trickling rain picked up. I cleared my throat and pulled on my hood.

He stuck his hands in his coat and backed away a few steps. "I won't keep you… Good luck, again. Not that I think you need it."

"Thanks." I opened my car door but was still reluctant to go. I searched for something more to say. "Oh, have a nice run…"

The rain wouldn't be a deterrent in Forks.

"I will."

I got in the car and watched Edward stalk over to his family across the lot. They were staring at him with mixed expressions of incredulity. Except his blonde sister, she looked ready to fight. I wondered what their relationship must be like.

He got in the driver's seat of the shiny silver Volvo they crowded. It wasn't the flashiest of cars but still the nicest in the lot. His face was guarded. It didn't seem like any of them were talking as they followed suit. Maybe he had kept them waiting.

A quick sweep confirmed many of our fellow classmates were pivoting their curious heads between our two directions. Nosy, small town life…

I didn't remember I had left my speakers on full blast. My hands flew up to my ears after I pressed play before I had the sense to turn the volume down. They still crackled and hissed at a reasonable level. Disappointing. I had ruined them with my stunt this morning. I decided I'd call Jake to see if he could help me with replacing them. Having a savings came in handy, so did having a mechanic friend.

I spent the silent drive grateful for Edward's intrusion during my tantrum at lunch. I would have probably spent the rest of the day spiraling had he not come to check on me. I definitely would have been hungry. I was still bursting with a million regrets but I didn't feel like the biggest piece of shit to grace the planet. I had distance from the sore spot Jessica's frustration had bruised. I remembered Charlie's words from this morning.

"Renee loved you very much. Don't doubt that, okay?"

But how could you feel a person's love when they were no longer there?

The library was surrounded by a thick expanse of Hemlock trees a quarter mile off the main road. I parked in the sparsely packed lot and took a few minutes to collect myself before going in.

I smoothed out my braids in the visor mirror. The change of mood was evident on my face. My eyes were no longer lifeless, a spark had been lit behind them. I hadn't been thrilled to show up seeming unenthusiastic for the job at hand just because I was having a miserable day. My voice still had a bit of a rasp, but there wasn't anything I could do about that. At least I looked like I wanted to be there.

A winding stone path dressed in patches of moss led the way to the brick and vinyl building. It truly did seem a place lost to time. Forgotten and tired, but charmed for you to find it. Even the sign that designated its purpose was grown over in strings of ivy and moss, obscuring it to read:

"Welcome to the Fork"

Walking through the doors, I took in the quaint space with new eyes, every empty corner and dusty shelf now an unfolding possibility…

Greg and Gail were talking quietly behind the wooden checkout desk. They weren't matching today. Greg was dressed in a white button down with a dark floral patterned bow tie. Gail wore a gray wrap dress with a thick white cardigan. They had a simple elegance to their style.

Gail popped out of her rolling chair and rushed towards me when I caught her line of sight. She had a few papers in her manicured hand.

"Oh, Bella! You're here! How are you today?"

"I'm good! How are you?"

"Excited to have you. I've got some paperwork for you to sign… Just a formality… Come, sit. We have an extra chair behind the desk."

"Oh, okay. No problem."

Greg waved from his seat. I noticed there was a cane leaned against his knee. "Good afternoon."

I waved back as I sat next to him. "Afternoon."

"Do you think Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow tomorrow? Gail here doesn't." He threw a thumb in her direction. "She is ever the optimist."

I turned to Gail and shook my head. "Sorry, I'm with Greg. We're getting six more weeks of winter, at least."

"Oh, hush child. Nothing's set in stone until it happens." The corners of her lips curled up. "And we're bickering about a darn groundhog predicting the weather anyhow. What a silly tradition, don't you agree?"

"You love it." Greg laughed.

They continued on squabbling about Groundhog Day while I filled out the forms, just basic information and emergency contact sort of stuff. It only took a few minutes.

Gail scanned the forms quickly and then clasped her hands together by her chin.

"All right! Let's get to it… Greg and I were talking and we have some things we've been meaning to get around to but haven't been able to find the time or manpower to get done…"

I rubbed my hands together. "What do you have for me?"

"Okay, nothing exciting. It's obvious we could use a thorough cleaning. Maybe even taking each book out individually and wiping off the dust covers…checking for damage…if you're willing to invest yourself in that kind of tedium. And we have some storage rooms that could easily be consolidated. We've been meaning to turn them back into rentable study rooms. That had been their original purpose before we had that leak in '99… Oh, never mind that. Is that something you'd be willing to help with?

Easy, peasy.

"Of course. I meant it when I said I wanted to help with whatever was needed."

Gail smiled. "Thank you. And we were thinking Tuesdays and Thursdays would work best for us. You'd come in the same time and we'd keep you until 5:30 or so. How does that sound?"

"That works fine for me."

Greg grabbed the silver handle of his cane and rested it under his chin. "We were wondering if you volunteered at the library…in Phoenix, was it?"

"No, I went on my own time, between school and work. Um, I am comfortable with the Dewey Decimal System, though...and have volunteered elsewhere before."

"Don't take this the wrong way, we are happy to have you. But why not get a job?" Gail asked.

"I had to have a job then but I don't now… I want to be a librarian some day, this is how I'd rather spend my time."

"Love to hear that."

"Yes" Greg agreed, "And of course we couldn't help but wonder if you had any ideas of your own when you offered your services?"

It seemed I didn't have to worry after all. I decided to start with something smaller than a media section. That seemed a bigger picture kind of goal… They didn't have any newer releases of popular magazines or books. Surely, that was something they wanted as well?

I wrung my hands and took a deep breath, still a little nervous to offend. "I couldn't help but notice you haven't updated your collection in a while. It'd be nice to get a New York Times Best Seller section in here…maybe a magazine rack?"

"We don't get much of a budget to work with... It's made it difficult the last few years." Gail pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "We have a small fund for new books but we save it for requests, you see…"

"Maybe we could get a fundraiser going?" I suggested.

"That's a wonderful idea…I'm sure we could make some calls… get a few starter donations…make a list of books…crunch costs…" Greg thought aloud.

Gail chimed in, "Maybe a bake sale? Outside the grocery store? We know Ricky on 101.9 EZ…I bet he would run us a little ad for free, or a box of cookies…"

"I can bake a mean treat or two," I said.

"I can, too." Gail laughed. "See, what did I say? We really could use some young energy in here. You're inspiring us already…"

"A real kick in the butt!" Greg pushed himself up with his cane and walked to the small gray book-cart in front of the checkout desk and waved for me to follow him.

"You said you're comfortable with the Dewey Decimal System?"

"Yes, I can find a book and search a catalogue pretty easily."

"Would you mind putting these few books away? And here's a list of some books being placed on hold if you could grab them for us…"

"I wouldn't mind at all."

He handed me the list and pushed the cart towards me.

"Don't mind the red bookmarks, I'm just a bit particular and will want to check behind you. I'm sure you'll do fine," he explained.

There weren't many books on the list and the labyrinth of wooden shelves were easy enough to navigate. The space was no larger than a ranch style home, nothing was too far out of reach. I greeted the few patrons around whenever I passed.

Greg and Gail were impressed with my timing and afterward Greg went behind me to check on the books I put away.

"Just perfect. You're going to be a great help. I know we keep saying it but we really are excited to have you, Bella." He leaned against the desk and tapped the stack of red bookmarks against his cane with a thoughtful expression. "Gail and I are going to make a few phone calls and get the ball rolling… when you come in Thursday, we'll get to cleaning and show you the storage rooms and the rest."

"You've given us a lot to think about. Maybe think of some of your best recipes and we can share as well?" Gail added.

"Sure, sounds like a plan…"

I felt great the whole drive home…they wanted my help. I'd have to tell my cemetery angel he was right tomorrow. Greg and Gail seemed a lighthearted pair to spend time with. It would have been stupid to spend the day wallowing at home. Even if getting through the first half of the day had been…difficult to do, I was glad I had gotten out of bed. I had to laugh at myself. How many emotions was it possible to feel in a single day?

When I got home I grabbed a pair of scissors out of the kitchen drawer and went to my room. I tossed them and my backpack on the bed and searched my cluttered closet until I found the box I was looking for buried in the corner. I sorted through its contents for the bead kit I was certain was there. It was a leftover relic of one of Renee's many abandoned hobbies. I found the pink box buried under her Phantom of the Opera CD and grabbed both.

I hummed along with the dramatic overture while sorting the beads needed for our bracelets. The idea had come easily. Virgil for Edward, Dante for me. I kept the beads to one color, a dark gray. It was a nod to what I considered to be the start of our friendship. When he stopped my fall and laughed at my bad joke then guided me along as I struggled through the rest of the day. Calling him Virgil then was fitting, he always seemed to find me when I was lost in hell.

Very quickly it was only my hands that were involved in making the bracelets. I was transported to long drives with Renee embarrassing all of creation with our attempts to match notes with Carlotta and Christine Daaé in horrifying harmony.

I was keening through "Prima Donna" when Charlie popped his head in my room. The music wasn't loud, I just hadn't heard him come in over my own terrible singing.

His mustache twitched. "I thought I heard a cat drowning in here."

"Ha ha. So cruel to your only daughter."

"Just keeping ya honest, Bells." He leaned against the door frame and craned his head. "What are you doin there anyway?"

I lifted my busy hands. "Makin bracelets. I'm just about done, though."

"For me? You shouldn't have."

"What would yours even say?"

"Hmmm. 'One fine catch'?" He creeped over and sat at the very edge of my bed, stiff and formal. "All humor aside, how'd it go at the library?"

"Really good, actually. I'm excited for it."

"Good. How about we go out to The Diner to celebrate and we can talk about it there?"

"Sure, I'm hungry. Just give me another minute and I'll have this done."

He got up and made his way out the door. "Sounds good. I'll be downstairs whenever you're ready."

It was a short drive to the restaurant but it dragged. Charlie used the time assessing me for damage. Any moment he didn't have to look at the road was spent eyeing me as I fidgeted and tried to look normal.

After careful examination he finally asked, "How was school? Seems like your day turned around…"

I passed the test.

"Yeah, The day got better as it went along. Sorry for worrying you…I think it was a fluke."

He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "You don't need to apologize. It's my job to worry about you."

"I guess…" I toyed with a loose thread on my shirt.

"Not 'I guess.' I love you, kid."

"I love you, too."

I looked out the window the rest of the way.

The Diner was called just that. It had a vintage classic feel with faded vinyl stools and booths, checkerboard floors, and walls adorned with scenes of teenagers at drive-ins and sock hops and Coke advertisements. Charlie preferred the only other restaurant in town, The Lodge, but I thought the place was tacky and gross. It had been a good day when I convinced him to stop taking me there.

The restaurant was dead so we were seated right away. We both ordered a burger and fries. Charlie insisted I get a milkshake. He didn't have to try that hard to convince me, I was starving.

I dipped a fry in my shake as soon as the food came out to the table. "Thanks. This is a nice treat."

He grinned and wiped away the mustard on his chin. "Of course. You had as long a day as me. Figured you could use a break. You take care of me too much."

"Someone's got to make sure we eat right," I mumbled through a bite.

He winked. "All right, volunteer, tell me how it went."

I swallowed. "The librarians, Greg and Gail, they seem like easy people to get along with. I think it'll be fun. They asked if I could help them clean, check books for damage, and consolidate some storage rooms. They also asked if I had any ideas…"

"Did you bring up adding a media section?"

"No, seemed a little too soon. But I brought up the idea of getting a New York Times Best Seller section and some magazines…they were all for getting a fundraiser going. We're getting started with it right away."

"I'm really proud of you. You saw something that needed done and you're doing it."

I looked down at my plate. "Let's wait till I accomplish anything for the praise…"

"You're worse than me. Take the compliment."

"Fine. But if it all falls through and I get nothing done…"

He took a sip of his soda and looked at me pointedly. "Even if all you do is help them clean the library, you did a good thing."

"Thanks…"

I hoped that was the end of our dinner conversation but Charlie surprised me with a doozy.

"So, who were you really making those bracelets for? The Weber girl?"

I choked on my burger and blushed. "Oh, um. I'm giving one to Edward Cullen… They're, er, friendship bracelets…"

He tilted his head. "Oh. I get the Cullen kids confused… Is Edward the one who walked you inside when that Crowley boy wrecked his van?"

"Wait, you know about that?" How?

He cleared his throat. "Well, yes. I was only a few blocks away from the school when the accident happened. I turned right around. I was looking around for you…worried how you were handling it… I guess he noticed. He walked up to me to let me know you were okay inside."

"Oh. Yeah…he helped me get across the ice without falling."

"So… he's a friend?"

I didn't like where this was going.

"Yeah."

"Do you like him?"

I tensed. "We're just friends."

"I won't stand in your way if you want to date. I won't scare anyone. Well, too much…" A small smile broke through his own mortified expression.

I groaned. "Dad! Please. Stop…you're killing me here."

"Okay." He sighed. "That hurt me as much as it hurt you…"

Somehow I doubted it, but I was glad he dropped the subject so easily. Renee would have demanded much more information from me…

He graciously kept the rest of dinner conversation to the library.

We got home just in time to catch Wheel of Fortune. He threw his arm over the sofa behind me when I sat down beside him.

As uncomfortable as I was being fussed and worried over by Charlie, I still appreciated the effort he was making to…well, be my father. Renee's love was intangible, maybe lost to me forever. But I still had him and he did love me. That, I could not doubt.

I settled into his shoulder and whined, "Oh, come on. It's so obvious. Why are they buying a vowel?"

He rested his cheek on my head and laughed. "Be nice. Not every kid can be as smart as mine."

~~~~~~~
A/N: Hope you enjoy this month's update as much as i enjoyed writing it. Sorry if you caught the unformatted copy of the last chapter…. I'm learning lol. As always, thank you for every fav/follow/review. Until next time!