Hi!

This idea started roaming through my brain after I saw the animatic by Vesper, it's genuinely heartbreaking; same with the fanart by mooreaux, I just couldn't not write it.
Ascended Astarion hurts SO bad, and the thought that maybe, just maybe, a part of his old self is still alive just KILLS me. I love him too much- Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

Here are the links of the works:

Fanart: mooreaux/741082287864725504/the-thought-that-after-astarion-ascends-hes?source=share

Animatic: watch?v=2_DHOTPYYbA&list=FLKnEM_zScjDYfl1yZhgWQRA&index=1

When you sensed the fire, it was already too late.

You had run like never before, but upon reaching the room, you were met with those eyes that once loved you, now engulfed in flames. The room was on the verge of collapse, and a wall of fire prevented you from reaching your love.

You felt anger: you cursed, broke the few candelabras that were still intact, drew your bow, and aimed it at them. You weren't going to let them go on their own; their life belonged to you, and to reclaim it, you would do whatever it took.

Except you didn't want to. You've never wanted to hurt them. But you had.

Inside you, a voice remained alive, a voice constantly screaming to come to light, a voice that couldn't tolerate the thought that a monster was now making decisions. That voice never felt anger, never saw that loved one as a possession, never desired to become what it despised the most. It've never wanted to become a new "Cazador."

But there you were, stubborn, corrupted, with the arrow pointed straight at their head.

"No. No. No.

Don't... Don't let them do this.

Don't just stand there! Save them!"

The voice screamed, and you hesitated. Your hands trembled. Around you, everything crumbled. You were running out of time.

The eyes of your soulmate looked at you with hatred, the same hatred that your eyes probably reflected. That false hatred, that fear in disguise. That prison in which you had locked up your voice.

Your inner self screamed again, desperate:

"Please, please, I beg you, don't let them die!"

The you that fought to emerge, crawling from the depths of your soul, wanted nothing more than to save your partner. To embrace them, kiss them, protect them.

But it was too late; the eyes had closed, leaving behind a trail of ashes.

You fell to the ground, and tears began to flow.

The spell had been broken, and the inner voice that you had buried in exchange for power finally surfaced. You just had to lose everything to bring it back.

You saw now everything so clearly: the insults, the confinement, the abuse. All the things your alter ego had done. That you had done.

The fire kept advancing, and now it was you the one among the flames. And there you stayed, on your knees, in penance. Because nothing mattered anymore.

They had committed suicide to free themselves of you. You had killed your only reason to live. Your hands were stained with blood.

You laid down, embraced your legs, and stayed very still in the midst of that hell.

"What have I done?"

Were the last words you uttered before the flames burned the entire castle to the ground.

"My love..."

Were the last words you thought before turning into ashes too.