Bully for Lincoln
Chapter 1
It had been a long, hard and painful day.
For Lincoln Loud, that was hardly anything unusual. He lived in a house full of ten siblings, so a bit of ducking, dodging, pushing and shoving was habit and routine for him. But today, things had been particularly rough.
In the Loud household, it was usually survival of the fittest, smartest or toughest. Too bad Lincoln was none of those things. Especially not the last one. Today had been a painful reminder of that. And that throbbing bruise on his cheek would be reminding him for the rest of the week.
As would all the other aches and pains he had picked up along the way at school. At least he was finally home now. Quietly entering the living room, he sauntered his way upstairs. All he wanted to do was lock himself up in his bedroom.
Normally he'd slip into his comfiest underwear and read his favourite Ace Savvy comics. They always put a smile on his face. But damn it...
Right now, he felt so crummy, he wasn't really in the mood to do anything besides crawl into bed. Because as far as he was concerned, Ace Savvy was the coolest card-carrier to ever deal out justice.
Ace was smooth, tough, brave and above all else, one suave MFA. Even if he was just ink scribbles on paper; he was an ideal to aspire to.
Lincoln looked up to him. But when he looked at himself by comparison, well... he could hardly measure up.
To think out of all his siblings, he was inexplicably the only male and yet he was also the most feeble. Even his baby sister Lily had more fortitude than he ever did at her age.
It made him feel so small by proxy. Figures.
He supposed it could be worse. After all, he could always be Clyde McBride.
Lincoln's neurotic best friend was a total doormat; always letting people walk all over him, and then feeling bad for them instead of at them. He'd always turn the other cheek.
Compared to him, Lincoln might as well be the toughest kid in all of Royal Woods but that was hardly a milestone worth celebrating. Like earlier today…
Leave it to Clyde to run away at the first sign of trouble. Sure, he went to get help from a teacher but that only got Lincoln in even more trouble.
'Yeah, thanks a lot, pal,' Lincoln thought sarcastically.
Clyde had no siblings; he just didn't get it. There are some fights you just can't walk away from, even if you can't win.
It's times when your family's reputation is on the line. When it's a matter of honour. When you know you'll get your ass handed to you but it still beats being branded a coward.
There was just no way Lincoln could have stood there and done nothing while those bullies were maliciously slandering one of his sisters, even if it was behind her back.
He had to stand up to them. Tell them off. Get them to back down. It's what brothers are supposed to do.
But this wasn't like one of his comic books. This was real life, where justice is blind and actions have consequences.
Lincoln wished he could tell everyone he fought the good fight and taught those bullies a good lesson.
He wished he could say that. But life was no fairy tale...
He also wished they hadn't given him an atomic wedgie, that was just below-the-belt. Or more accurately, over his head…
Lincoln figured he better change his underwear. The elastic on this one probably wasn't going to last much longer.
His parents would eventually find out about what happened. They would definitely hear about the detention part. But he did not want to deal with that right now. He just wanted to be alone.
He was almost up to his room now. Wait a minute…
Something was wrong with this picture. Something didn't feel right. Why was the door to his room hanging ajar like that?
Lincoln was not a neat freak but he always firmly closed his room door on his way out. It used to be a linen closet so call it force of habit. Had someone been snooping around in there while he was out?
It couldn't have been Mom or Dad. His parents would have left things meticulously as they found them. And if they were doing room inspections, they usually left the doors fully open 'to let some air in'. It had to have been one of his sisters. But who would do this? And why?
Morbid curiosity got the better of him as he approached; something smelled fishy. Literally. And it seemed to be coming from his room. Not a good sign…
Thankfully it was not one of Lily's diapers. Nor was it one of Charles' doggy droppings. If it was, he'd have noticed their pungent smell long before he climbed the stairs.
No, this smelled like something else. Dare he say, it almost smelled like man musk but also kinda... sweet like perfume.
Well, that definitely ruled out Dad from having anything to do with it. This scent was far too masculine to be his handiwork. Lincoln thought carefully...
Could this be one of Luan's pranks? Nope, this was far too obvious and tame for the prankster's repertoire.
Had it been Lana looking for one of her pets? Nah, she likely would've left a trail of messy mud prints behind her.
Lola's getting some petty payback? No way, he hadn't done anything to upset her... today. And she was far too cunning to leave behind such an obvious clue.
Same applied for Lisa, who was usually upfront when she wanted something from him.
It was time to get some answers. Deciding to bite the bullet, Lincoln crept into his room and hastily looked around for anything unusual or suspicious. Whoever had been snooping in here, better have had a good reason for intruding because he was in no mood for games.
If Lincoln's hero, Ace Savvy had taught him anything, a good detective looked for clues and gathered evidence before around throwing accusations.
'Duh doy, doofus,' Lincoln thought miserably.
He probably had meant to say something more vulgar but Lincoln had been raised too well to use sailor talk.
At a glance, his room looked fine and untouched. His shirts were still neatly arranged, his toys were all safe and unharmed. Heck, even Bun-Bun was sitting right where he'd left him. So where exactly was that hideous odour coming from?
Following his nose, Lincoln sniffed around until he led himself to his pillow. Hmm, that was odd… Why was it kinda damp? And what was sticking out from underneath it?
The culprit's calling card no doubt. This was probably one of Luan's stupid pranks. Okay, he'll bite. Better to just get it over with, he thought to himself.
Lifting up his pillow, Lincoln recoiled backwards in horror.
"What the actual f-!?" He clasped his mouth shut, catching himself, before anyone could hear.
Getting a hold of himself, Lincoln leaned in for a closer look to make sure he wasn't seeing things.
Somebody had left him a present under his pillow and spoiler alert, it was not the tooth fairy. Because instead of a coin, under his pillow sat a pink pair of feminine panties and judging by their smell and moist texture, clearly used ones. Lincoln was beyond furious.
What the fuck kind of sick prank was this!?
Luan had clearly gone too far this time! And after the day he'd had, Lincoln was ready to declare war!
Angrily snatching them off of his bed, Lincoln was about to storm out and confront her about it. He had a right mind to throw them right back in her face...!
Wait a minute... Something didn't quite add up.
These panties... they couldn't have belonged to Luan. They were way too small and thin. That aside, this whole prank... it just wasn't her style. Where was the funny punch line or the colorful confetti?
It didn't make any sense. This wasn't a joke. This was just cruel and mean.
Luan may be a prankster but she had a heart. And even her cruellest pranks never singled anyone out. She wouldn't have done this. But then, who was the heartless witch behind this evil plot?
It certainly couldn't have been Leni. She was sweeter than a cherry pie. A total cinnamon roll. She didn't have a bad bone in her body.
It could have been Lori. His eldest sister was considered top dog for a reason. That said, this seemed too creative and elaborate revenge for her style. She wouldn't have the patience…
The same could be said for Luna. She was a party animal and a slob but only when rock and roll was involved. Otherwise, she was as mellow as a cello.
Lincoln stopped to think things through once more.
Maybe… Maybe whoever did this was toying with him. And trying to frame one of the others in the process. Suddenly, grim realisation kicked in…
"Ew! I can't believe I'm touching it with my bare hands!" he lamented.
Lincoln made a mental note to wash his hands afterwards. But truthfully, he'd probably need a whole shower to feel fully clean.
Inspecting the filthy thing in his hands, Lincoln came upon another vital clue. There were lipstick stained kiss marks on the panties, which made him inwardly cringe.
He hoped whoever made the mark did so before the undies went into use.
The kiss marks were painted in a distinct shade of light red. Who wore lipstick like this?
Certainly not Lucy, her make up strictly came in two colors: dark and darker. Definitely not Lola, it wasn't nearly glamorous enough for her tastes. Surely not any of his elder sisters; they didn't wear this particular shade either. That only left... Mom!? It couldn't be!
Lincoln examined it more closely. He didn't want to believe it... but it was the exact same type! It even smeared just like how his mother had described during one family dinner. No way!
This had to be a trick. There's no way his mother would do such a thing. Lincoln hated himself for even considering the idea. He thought logically. It was more likely… that one of his sisters had borrowed her lipstick… because they did not have their own. Yeah, that made more sense.
Lincoln mentally slapped himself, having reached wits end. Hadn't he been degraded enough for one day!?
The one who did this… Lincoln now had a sneaking suspicion who it was. And they were gonna pay for ruining his evening!
He just needed one more bit of proof before he could confront them. There was only one sure-fire way to find out who had been wearing these panties.
Lincoln couldn't believe what he was about to do. Normally he'd have been too grossed out to even consider it. But ding dong darn it, as his father would say…
He was so pissed off right now, he could mud wrestle a grizzly bear with his arms tied. Lincoln gritted his teeth and prepared for the unthinkable.
He scrunched up the panties and took a big whiff of them, biting back the urge to be sick.
The raw pungent odour threw him off balance but it also confirmed his suspicions. The distinct tang was unmistakable. He recognized the scent like a bloodhound sniffing out its prey.
'I knew it...' Lincoln thought angrily.
It was time to pay his anonymous benefactor a personal visit. But first things first...
He needed to change his own underwear like he had planned. The elastic on these ones was about to give out on him. No biggie, he thought.
Dropping his pants, Lincoln peeled the ruined garments off, crumpled them up and tossed them directly into the outdoor trash can from his window.
Now all he needed was a nice, clean, fresh and comfy pair from his... what the!?
Lincoln frowned darkly. Why was his underwear drawer empty!? Last time he checked, he had plenty of spares! And that was this morning! Where'd they all go?
And then it hit him.
He had walked right into this trap like a deer in the headlights. Biting back the urge to cry, Lincoln debated his only two options. Go commando… or go with the you-know-what.
He just hoped it wouldn't end up giving him a rash.
End of Chapter 1