4. She can never repay her friends for what they've done for her.
Aelita watches Jeremie spend numerous sleepless nights at the computer, skin bruised dark beneath his eyes, skin pale and almost bluish, like he's absorbed the light from the screen.
"You don't have to do this," she says, voice soft and guilty. She doesn't know what time it is on his side, but the room is dark behind him, the furniture looming in heavy shadows. "Jeremie."
"Huh?" he looks up, eyes slightly unfocused as he reorients himself. "What?" He frowns at her, adjusts the glasses. She can see herself reflected in them. "You're saying you don't want to come to Earth anymore?"
"No," she says. The answer is pulled out of her, raw and desperate and wanting. She doesn't remember wanting anything before. Not like this. "Of course I do. I just…" She trails off, reaches up to rest her chin on her hand. "It doesn't have to be now."
It doesn't have to hurt you.
Jeremie blinks at her, slow and wide-eyed. She can see the crease between his eyebrows. She's learned it means he's thinking. "When else would it be?" he asks, voice hushed quiet enough that she knows it's beyond late on his side. "The sooner we can free you, the sooner we can shut down XANA." He adjusts his glasses again. "Don't worry. I'm close. I can feel it."
/
He is close, closer than she realized. When the doors open, when she finally sees their faces, their real faces, she almost cries that first time.
Instead, she falls onto her butt because her legs won't support her. She can feel pressure pushing down on her. On her shoulders, her head. She knows it's gravity. She didn't know it would feel so heavy. Odd is the first one to pull her into a hug. His arms wrap solid and warm around her. She chokes on an inhale; breathes in a multitude of scents she can't identify.
"Welcome top-side, Princess," he says.
He releases her and Yumi is the next to grab her into a hug. Yumi is taller, hair like silk when it brushes Aelita's forehead. Aelita clings a little tighter to the older girl. "You kept the pink hair!" Yumi says.
Aelita isn't sure if that's a good or bad thing. She reaches up to touch her hair and it's Ulrich's turn apparently. Ulrich reaches out, rests a hand heavy on her shoulder. It joins the gravity, pressing down-down-down like it's going to keep her from floating away in her joy. Ulrich offers her a small smile.
"Glad you made it," he says. He's not as exuberant as Odd and Yumi, but she feels the weight of his words anyway.
"Me too."
He releases her shoulder. She feels untethered, distracted by the lights glowing, the buzz of electricity in the air, the way their voices echo…
"Huh."
"What?" She looks over at Jeremie, dragging her eyes away from the dust floating in the air, the rust staining the edges of the scanners, the cracked flooring. Everything looks so real and so different than it had on Lyoko.
"Nothing," Jeremie says. He's smiling at her, eyes warm and mouth slightly crooked, but there's a furrow between his eyebrows and his eyes keep staring at her head. "I just…I didn't expect the pink to stick," he adds after a moment, voice thoughtful.
/
"So, this controls the temperature. If you twist it this way, you'll get hot water, and this way is cold." Yumi demonstrates, turning the shower on and Aelita watches the water spray out of the nozzle. Yumi holds one hand under the spray, the other adjusts the silver tap. "You always want to test it first so you don't burn yourself."
"Burn?" she asks. She reaches over Yumi's shoulder, lets her fingers play in the spray of water. "It doesn't feel hot."
"Not right now, but if you go all the way to the left, you'll get scalded. Trust me, just test it." Yumi straightens up, gestures to the folded towel and clothes on the counter. "After you shower, dry yourself with the towel, then get dressed. The plastic thing there is a toothbrush to clean your teeth. You put toothpaste, that's the gel in the tube there, on it and run it over your teeth for a few minutes."
Aelita forces herself to turn away from the enchantment of the water spray and focus on what Yumi is showing her. The older girl details a few more things before stepping back, arms hanging at her sides. "Any questions?" she asks.
"I'm good," Aelita replies.
Yumi nods, quick and decisive. "I'll be in my room across the hall. Shout if you need anything, okay?"
"Okay," Aelita agrees.
/
The pajamas are too big. The shirt reaches mid-thigh and she has to roll the pajama bottoms up so that her feet don't tangle in excess fabric. She stares at herself in the fogged-up bathroom mirror. Her skin is red from the shower, eyes bright. Her hair falls in her face, wet and slick against her skin. She'd swum in the water on Lyoko, but she'd never been wet like this. The clothes are black and gray and she feels weird, staring at them.
After a moment, she leaves the bathroom.
The air in the hallway is fresher, cooler against her overheated skin. It isn't as humid. Yumi's door is open, but the older girl isn't in it. She enters the room, trails her fingers over the bedspread and the sleek wooden dresser. There's a collage of pictures on one of the walls and Aelita peers at them curiously. She recognizes the boys easily – Ulrich, Odd, and Jeremie at various times. She smiles, seeing Jeremie grinning and holding up a robot with a blue ribbon attached to it.
There are other pictures too. One of Yumi's parents, a couple of Hiroki. There's some of other people with dark hair and eyes like Yumi and a few of Yumi and a girl Aelita doesn't recognize. She has red curls and blue eyes the color of the sea.
"That's Shannon Abele." Aelita jumps at Yumi's voice, looks over to find the older girl standing next to her. "She's in my year at Kadic."
"Oh," Aelita says, voice smaller than she expected.
"I'll introduce you. I think you'll like her." Yumi steps away and starts rustling around the room. Aelita turns, watches her unrolling a plastic…thing. "Air mattress," Yumi comments, catching Aelita watching. She hooks a tube to it and starts a pump. "We got it when my aunt and cousins visited earlier," Yumi adds, voice loud over the mechanical whir of the pump.
After it's inflated, they make it up with sheets and quilt and pillows. Aelita sits on the mattress, feels it shift beneath her weight. "It feels weird," she admits.
"You can take the bed if you want?"
"No, it's fine," she says quickly. "It's just…There wasn't really sleep on Lyoko."
"What did you do?"
Yumi climbs into her own bed. Aelita listens to the bedclothes rustle as Yumi settles. She falls onto her back, bounces slightly on the inflatable mattress, and stares up at the blank ceiling. "I don't really know," she replies finally. "It was a lot of wandering, or waiting for Jeremie to call or you to come fight XANA." Her fingers toy with a loose thread on the quilt. "I don't remember much before meeting Jeremie. I guess I was sleeping then."
Yumi hums, shifts. Her hand snakes down, squeezes Aelita's shoulder. "Well," she says, voice sleep-tinged, "now you can sleep properly."
"Yeah," Aelita agrees. She wonders what it'll feel like, sleeping.
. . … . .
Jeremie hands her an oversized envelope the second time. She tilts her head, listening to the others talking excitedly behind her, and carefully lifts the little pieces of metal so she can open the envelope flap. Inside are papers. She pulls them out carefully, frowning as she looks them over.
"This is you," Jeremie says, voice quiet. "We did it right, this time."
Aelita runs a finger over the birth certificate. "Aelita…Signy…Stones," she reads softly. The words feel heavy and strange on her tongue.
"Odd suggested Signy," Jeremie states. "It means victory."
She lifts her eyes from the papers, sees the way he's watching her, bottom lip caught uncertainly between his teeth. He shifts slightly and she can't resist stepping closer, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. Jeremie stiffens slightly, then she feels his shoulders relax and his hands come up to rest on her back tentatively.
"Thank you," she murmurs. She steps back, sees Jeremie's face has taken on a deep pink color. "This is amazing."
Jeremie coughs, reaches up to adjust the collar of his sweater. "Don't thank me yet," he comments. "According to those, you're related to Odd."
"Oi!" Odd calls from across the room. "And what's wrong with that?"
"Smelly feet," Yumi deadpans.
"Snoring," Ulrich adds.
"I don't sn-"
"Pranks," Jeremie states, expression baleful.
"Rude, all of you. I don't know why I call you my friends." Odd slings an arm around Aelita's shoulders, grinning brightly at her. "Welcome to the madhouse, cuz."
She smiles back, feels warmth unfurl in her stomach.
/
"And this room's yours," Odd says. He reaches for the doorknob, flinging the door open with an exaggerated bow.
"Odd," Jeremie mutters as the door rebounds off the wall.
"Whoops," Odd states, grinning and unrepentant.
"It's a bit blank," Yumi notes, peering in, "but we can fix it up to your preferences."
Aelita steps into the room. It's similar to Jeremie's, she thinks. There's a single bed, a decent sized window above the desk, a large wardrobe. The walls are bland, the carpeting unobtrusive. She runs her hand over the standard-issue gray-and-navy duvet. It feels a bit scratchy beneath her fingertips.
"It's wonderful," she says, and means it.
Odd snorts. "It looks like a prison cell." He bounds in, flops onto the bed and grins up at her. "Don't worry, we'll get you some color."
"I'm sure there's some things at the house we can donate," Yumi adds. She leans against the bare wall. "I think we have some sheets or something."
Jeremie hovers near her desk. He glances around the room. "It looks like a typical dorm room," he observes. "I have some novels you can borrow, if you want."
"You read?" Odd questions.
Jeremie splutters. "Of course I read!"
"I mean, something that isn't a computer manual."
Jeremie rolls his eyes, crosses his arms. "I read," he insists.
Ulrich nudges her lightly while Yumi referees Odd and Jeremie's debate. "Alright?"
She glances up at him, smiles brightly. "Yeah," she replies. She sets down the bag of clothes Yumi has leant her. "It's a bit overwhelming," she admits, voice soft. Jeremie's voice raises indignantly while Odd cackles. "It's different than…last time."
Ulrich reaches over, hand pressing sure and steady to her shoulder briefly. "You'll get used to it," he states. He sounds so sure and Aelita clings to that. She really, really wants to get used to it. He inclines his head toward their three friends, smirk sneaking across his face. "Them though? Good luck."
She laughs, elbows him, and ignores the way three pairs of eyes turn to look at them. She hopes he's right.
/
"Look," Odd says. He clears his throat, runs a hand through his hair. It's damp and loose after his shower. Aelita stares at him. She's never seen him with his hair down before. "I was going to tell you about the family-thing. Or the related-thing."
She takes his head, pulls him over and down onto the bed. It bounces slightly, dips under their weight. She tucks a leg up under her and her foot disappears under the too-long pajama leg. "Odd," she says.
He doesn't listen. "It just seemed easier this way. It would explain how we knew you if you were related to one of us." He has his hands clasped on his legs, knuckles white. "And you wouldn't fit with Yumi, and obviously you couldn't be related to Einstein." She frowns, opens her mouth to question, but Odd keeps talking. "I guess you could've been Ulrich's cousin or something, but he never talks about his family. Or rarely talks about his family. It wouldn't really make sense for him to introduce us to a random family member, but I never stop talking, yeah? Total sense. But we should've checked with you and-"
"Odd," she interrupts. She grabs his hand, squeezes it between both of hers until he looks at her. His eyes shift away before returning to her face, a nervous habit she hasn't seen from him previously. "I don't mind," she says.
"Even though I picked your middle name? Instead of, y'know, asking you?"
Aelita shrugs. "Honestly? I wouldn't have known what to pick myself. I don't mind." She pauses, mouth twitching with suppressed amusement. "It's nice to have you as a cousin."
He snorts, pulls his hand free to jab her in the ribs. She doesn't know how he always finds her ticklish spot first-poke. "Nice?" he repeats, voice rising incredulously. "I'm the best." She laughs, shying away from his prodding finger. "You'll agree once you meet the rest of the family."
She's laughing as he tickles her, but her heart feels warm even as her stomach erupts in butterflies. Family. It's more than she'd thought she'd get on Earth.
"You look ridiculous in those pants," he says, voice off-hand and smiling as she kicks at him. "Yumi's twice your height. I'll see if I can find better ones in my room."
. . … . .
Ulrich hands her a zippered pouch. It's a dark gray with pastel pink flowers dotted over it. She turns it over in her hands, feels the smooth texture of leather and the thready embroidery of the flowers. "It's pretty," she states, looking up at him expectantly.
He shifts slightly in her doorway, looking something between embarrassed and uncomfortable. "I figured you'd need money, especially if you go into town."
Curious, she pulls the zipper. Inside are neatly folded multicolored bills. She's seen the others use them in town when they've gone for ice creams or to see a film at the cinema. "Ulrich," she starts. She counts the euros silently. "Ulrich, this is a lot."
He shrugs again, head ducked and a face flushed. "It's fine." He keeps his gaze focused on the floor. "If you need more, just ask. Really."
She shifts the pouch between her hands, stares at him with wide, surprised eyes. She'd never even considered the idea of money, she realizes. She'd never considered how her spot here at Kadic was being paid for, or her friends spending money on her. Ulrich glances at her, offers a quirked smirk and reaches out to tug on the black sweater she's wearing.
"Anyway, figure you'd want your own clothes. No offense to Yumi's clothes, but black doesn't seem to be your color."
Aelita returns his smirk with a smile of her own. She zips the pouch back up, stuffs it into the pocket of Odd's jeans that she's borrowed. "It really isn't," she agrees. Her eyes light up and she grabs his arm, smiling winningly. "Come shopping with me?"
"Er, I'm not…That is, Yumi or Odd…"
"Are excellent choices, but I want your opinion."
Ulrich's face is pink, but he sighs, eyes rolling toward her ceiling. "Fine," he grumbles. "But only so you don't come back looking like a highlighter because of Odd."
She can't restrain her squeal of delight as she throws her arms around him in a hug. Ulrich hugs her back. It's not careful and tentative like Jeremie's hugs, like he's afraid she'll disappear back into Lyoko. It's not the soft, slightly rocking one Yumi bestowed when Aelita broke down crying once or twice. And it's not one of the variety of hugs Odd has given her – bear hug, sneak tickle-attack, arm thrown carelessly over her shoulders and tugged into his side. Ulrich's is warm, solid, and quiet like him.
"Thank you," she says, voice muffled into his shoulder.
"Don't mention it," he replies.
/
Odd sprawls across her floor, pictures scattered across the floor and laptop open in front of him. Aelita sits next to him, studying each of the photos he parades in front of her. The current one shows Odd wedged between two blonde girls. He must be about three or four, the girls a few years older. The one on the left is missing a tooth and the other has a spray of freckles across her nose. They all have radioactive green eye shadow scribbled across their eyes and Odd's cheeks are layered with pink blush. Aelita's mouth tugs into a smile.
"I like this one," she states.
"So does my mother," he responds. He's smiling though, eyes far-away. She feels a tug, low in her chest, an ache for these types of memories. "Now, who are they?"
"Uh…" she draws out the word, studying the faces. "You," she says, pointing at the face in the middle.
"Yeah, that one's easy. I mean my sisters."
"Elisabeth?" she guesses, pointing at the one on the right. Odd grins, nods. "And…" She wracks her memory, but the one on the left has her eyes closed either from her smile or to show off the eye shadow, so she can't tell what color her eyes are. "Louise?" she guesses.
"Marie," he corrects. "She got a make-up kit for her birthday. Lou refused to play, but they bribed me with cookies." He sits up, bumps his shoulder into hers. "Not bad, Princess."
She sighs, rubs her temples. "Is this really necessary?"
He shrugs, snags a bar of Melkesjokolade from the pile on the floor. "I don't know," he admits, ripping the packaging open. "But it can't hurt, yeah? You'll be meeting them soon anyway, might as well know as much about them as you can."
Aelita feels the butterflies in her stomach again. The anxious, nervous tightening at the thought of visiting Norway in a few weeks. Of visiting Odd's family. Of pretending she was part of that family. "What if they don't…what if I don't…?"
He slings an arm around her shoulders, tugs her in tightly. She breathes in deeply, inhaling the mixture of his shampoo and the milk chocolate bar. "Hey," he says. "You'll be fine. It'll be fine. We're family now, I got you."
She rests her head on his shoulder, stares at the slideshow of pictures on the screen, the scattered photos littering her floor. She wonders what it would be like, having all of this history around you. All these memories and events you can look back on when the memory itself starts to fade. She picks up a photo of one of Odd's visits to Italy, an array of nameless faces that she has to somehow fit in with.
Odd releases her, pokes her quickly in the ribs. He bounds to his feet, heedless of the mess. "C'mon. Enough studying. Let's go pester Ulrich and Einstein."
She takes his proffered hand, allows herself to be tugged to her feet, and laughs as he drags her out of her room. She takes one last look at the mess that will be waiting for her when she gets back. She wonders, idly, what her own pictures will look like one day, scattered like memories across the floor.
. . … . .
It's not that she hadn't known the dangers before. She still vividly remembers Yumi's fall into the Digital Sea. Sometimes she still dreams of Odd's expression, Ulrich's silence, Jeremie's soft voice saying there was a chance, there was a choice…She'd known it was dangerous for them. She just hadn't known, hadn't remembered how fragile a human body was.
Yumi shoves her out of the way of a falling bleacher. The sound of bone snapping and the scream of pain haunt her dreams for weeks, even after the Return. She brings Yumi daisies as a thank you. She thinks she should offer to carry her bag, or open doors, bring her food. Something to show she remembers, that she appreciates the sacrifice even though it doesn't matter, it doesn't count now.
"Aelita," Yumi says, voice reassuring, "it's okay. We're all okay."
Aelita stares at her, wishes she could believe her fully.
/
Ulrich's knuckles are bruised – angry and purple and Aelita sits with him in the clinic. She stares at his hand, even though it's been hidden beneath a bag of half-melted ice. The nurse is on the phone in her office, occasionally looking up at them through the observation wall.
"Don't tell the others, please."
She looks over at Ulrich, worry etched into her face. Ulrich is staring at his knees, shoulders hunched. She wants to reach out, wants to offer some form of comfort. "I won't," she agrees. It's the least she can do, she thinks.
Ulrich nods, a quick, decisive jerk of his chin. He flexes his fingers, hisses slightly as his injured skin shifts over bruised bones. "It won't happen again."
She nods, rests a hand on his hunched shoulders. She isn't sure if he's referring to the comments or the punch.
/
Jeremie has a bloody lip and a black eye. Aelita stares at him, eyes wide, when they exit the scanners. "Jeremie!"
"Hey, Einstein," Odd greets. "New look?"
Jeremie grimaces. He reaches up to rub dried blood from his chin. "Things got a little…dicey…at Kadic," he says finally. He shudders slightly. "I don't think anyone acknowledges the true horror of zombie squirrels until it's too late."
"Zombie…squirrels?" Yumi asks.
"Don't ask."
Aelita steps over then, fingers brushing lightly over his bruised skin. "Are you alright?"
He smiles at her, motion reopening the cut on his lip. "Yeah."
"You look very heroic," she states.
"I dunno," Odd comments, hanging over the super computer panel. "I want to see what those zombie squirrels look like before making a judgement."
/
They do a Return.
They can't not do a Return. Not after…not after everything. When time resets, she's in gym class again. They're running track and she falters, one foot misstepping on the track. She stumbles, rights her stride. She sees Odd at the water fountain, expression haunted even across the field.
She doesn't think, just darts across the field to take the quickest, most direct route to the blonde boy. Jim yells at her, voice loud and commanding, but she ignores him. Odd catches her when she reaches him, arms thrown around his shoulders and face buried against the side of his neck. He smells like grass and sweat and chocolate. He doesn't smell like fire and electricity and despair.
"You're okay," she chants.
"I'm okay," he replies, voice muffled in her hair. "And you're making a scene."
"I don't care," she replies. She doesn't loosen her hold on him, relishes the warmth and the steady thump of his heart. "You're okay."
"I'm not going anywhere, Princess," he agrees. He pushes her away, hands gentle on her shoulders. His eyes are far away, distracted, but his smile is warm and genuine. "Now, stop before there are more rumors."
She huffs a sigh, shoves him out of the way to get her own drink of water. When they make it back to the track, the others are watching them. Jim crosses his arms over his chest, stares at them through narrowed eyes. "Stones, Della Robbia, five extra laps. Move it."
"Yessir," Odd replies, saluting. He pokes Aelita. "C'mon, cuz, before it's twenty."
/
Jeremie hasn't slept in days, weeks. He has dark circles and pale skin, like he's leeched all the light from the computer screen. He sequesters himself in his room, or the factory. In class he's distracted, tired, exhausted. Aelita watches him down cup after cup after cup of coffee.
"It's what he does," Odd says, shrugging.
"We tried last time," Yumi says, voice soft and compassionate.
"He'll sleep, eventually," Ulrich says, ominous in the eventuality.
Aelita hovers. She brings him food and makes him eat. She tries to limit the caffeine intake. She duplicates her notes, helps him with assignments he'd usually finish in half the time it takes them. When his teachers ask, she feigns nonchalance, feigns obliviousness. Jeremie is fine. Jeremie will be fine. Jeremie has to be fine.
They're in the factory. She and Yumi are lying in one of the boxes of sunlight, basking in the warmth as they study. Odd and Ulrich have started a paper football game to amuse themselves. Jeremie starts laughing, a desperate, choking kind of laugh.
Aelita sits up, stares at him in alarm. "Jeremie?" she asks. Jeremie is staring at her, blue eyes bright and feverish behind his glasses.
"Hey, Einstein, you doing okay?" Odd asks.
Jeremie's stopped laughing, but the sound still echoes. The boys have stopped their game and Yumi has set aside her highlighter, sitting up next to Aelita. Jeremie has a smile splitting his face in half. It looks like the one the guy in the film has. The clown one that Odd showed them.
"Guys," Jeremie says. There's a bubble of laughter to his words. "Guys, I think this is it."
"You don't mean…" Yumi trails off.
"Yes. The coding is complete."
Aelita stares at him, mouth open in surprise. The others whoop and cheer. Odd bounces into Jeremie's space, throws his arms around him in a hug, but Jeremie's still watching her over Odd's shoulder. She hopes he's right. Yumi's on her feet, ruffling Jeremie's hair and grinning. She hopes this is the end. Ulrich's smiling almost as wide as Jeremie, shoulders looser than she's ever seen. She hopes this is it.
She doesn't know if she can watch Jeremie lose himself again.