Chapter 98: Cruel Intentions
'Before you find your soulmate , you must first discover your soul.'
-Charles F. Glassman
He waited with bated breath as he kept telling himself this was the right thing to do. He went over it with his therapist. He listed out the pros and cons. It was a done deal. At least in his mind anyway.
He held the flowers tightly in his hand as he stood on Maria's porch. It was a Friday night and he was picking Becca up for their weekly date. They made it a point to always make time for each other. No matter what was going on during the week.
They planned a fishing trip for the next day. She planned to sleep over to make things easier on Matty. It didn't make things easier on him. She hadn't slept over since Matty's birthday party, but he was hoping on it happening more frequently. They've been at this for a while now. Something's gotta give.
He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He felt like a teenager picking up his date, sweating under the collar about to meet the parents. She kickstarted this old man's heart again.
The screen door opened and she grinned as she walked out the door. She was wearing a short sleeved red dress that buttoned up the front. He thought about unbuttoning every single one. The dress fell down to her ankles and he imagined sliding underneath it to put his mouth on her. He licked his lips just thinking about it. Hopefully, he would be able to do that tonight.
She leaned up on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his lips,'Hey, stud.'
She leaned back to assess him. He was wearing denim jeans and a black buttoned down shirt. His black leather boots looked new and she wondered if one of the cobblers or leather smiths in town made them for him. The leather smiths are where they get most of their saddles, belts and boots. They had some intelligent and talented people in Jackson.
He was wearing his reading glasses tonight. In fact, he's been wearing them a lot more. She knew he needed to wear them more often than he let on. She also made it a point to let him know how good he looked in them. He's taken to wearing them a lot more ever since.
Her eyes roved over him as she shook her head in disbelief,'You look so handsome. You always do though.'
He rolled his eyes, but bit back a smirk as he handed her the flowers,'Thanks, darlin.' He cupped her jaw and kissed her, whispering,'You're so pretty. You look so goddamned pretty.'
He loved her like this. No makeup and her naturally curly hair. He appreciated when she was all gussied up, but he's always loved a natural woman. She was as natural as they come. Raw and pure like the earth she loved to dig around in so much.
She blushed prettily and stared down at the flowers,'These are gorgeous. They aren't mine.' Her eyes widened,'You cheating on me with Doris?'
She was teasing, but she would recognize Doris's flowers anywhere. Other than her, they were the only florists in town. No one was knocking down her door though for orders. Considering her track record with husbands, no one was beseeching upon her for their weddings or baby showers. They didn't want her 'bad mojo' interfering with their celebrations.
'I'm sorry.' He frowned,'I didn't wanna ruin any of your flowers cause I know they're like your babies and ya said they're not ready to be picked yet anyway.'
'You remembered.' She shook her head,'I'm not mad. Doris is a lovely florist. I don't garden for anyone but myself anyway. I couldn't imagine gardening for the sake of other people. My flowers are meant for the people I truly care about anyway.'
He stroked her jaw as he looked over her face. He knew it was difficult for her. When she was a nurse, everyone in town befriended and flocked towards her. When they first got to Jackson, she immediately fit in while he and Ellie didn't. Now, the roles were reversed. Everyone in town trusted him and slighted her. He never thought he would see the day.
He hated it. It's why he was retiring. He didn't want to work as a slave in a town that refused to acknowledge the woman he loved and everything she did in this town. Shit, they even accepted Ellie as one of their own. They were distrusting of her because of Francis, which was bullshit. She wasn't anything like that man. She hated him as much as the rest of them.
She could see the wheels turning in his head. She shook her head and sighed,'I don't care about that. I love that you do, but I'm content with the people I have in my life now.' She shrugged,'I don't need anybody else.'
He narrowed his eyes as he held her waist,'It still didn't stop them from eating your pies at the Fair.'
'Nothin stops you from eating my pie either.' She carefully placed her flowers on the table and tugged on his hand,'Come on. I don't wanna talk about the boring ole townsfolk when I have a date with a gorgeous man tonight.'
He let her tug him down the stairs as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, pulling her back against his chest,'Hmm, someone I know.'
She giggled softly as he kissed her neck,'You happen to know him very well.'
He snorted against her neck as he breathed her in, whispering,'He's a damn lucky man.'
He unwrapped his arms from around her and draped his arm over her shoulders. She wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked through town. They planned to have an evening picnic down by the lake.
It's become one of their favorite spots. They could have some privacy, but he close by if anything should happen with Matty. There weren't any means of communication other than radio and horseback, which could make things difficult if something should go awry.
They stopped by the memorial garden and admired the finished product.
Becca stared up at Ellie's mural in awe. She painted the entire town, along with the backdrop of the mountains. She put a unique spin on the town, enveloping in a sort of amber glow, making it look almost ethereal. It wasn't entirely happy. The other half of town was painted in somber and muted colors to symbolize all they lost to achieve that 'final product' of happiness. It was a sight to behold.
If Ellie was around before the outbreak, there was no telling what she would do. She would've ran the world with her talent. She was a hell of an artist. She only wished more people could be around to appreciate it. She deserved a much broader and wider audience.
She wiped the tears from her eyes as she stared up at the mural,'She's got a lotta fuckin talent, Joel.'
'Don't I know it.' He snorted as he gently squeezed her shoulders, whispering admittedly,'It's gets me too. Everything we been through to get to this moment.' He swallowed the lump in his throat,'Losing Tommy.'
She wrapped her arms tightly around his midsection,'Maria said he believed in this town too. Before the council got to him. She told me stories about him helping her dad with the hydroelectric power plant to get the electricity back up and running again. She said seeing him with her father made her fall in love with him. Before her father died, he approved of Tommy marrying her. He wasn't always bad. Maria's father loved him and saw the food in him too.'
His eyes widened slightly as he choked up,'She…she never told me that. I always thought he was here for awhile.' He looked at his name written on the plaque,'I remember being back in Boston and trying to get through to him on the radio almost every single day.' He laughed softly as tears blurred his vision,'I was living with Tess back in this shitty apartment in a QZ back in Boston. There was this old fuckin man who would charge ration tickets to use his radio. I would…trade drugs for tickets just to see if I could get through to him. I always knew he was somewhere around here.'
'You ever get through to him?'
'No.' He snorted,'I thought I didn't anyway. Turns out as soon as I left the fucker sent me a signal over this shitty radio I had. I thought the piece of shit didn't work, but it did. He was trying to warn me not to come. I think he knew what they were gonna do to El even back then.' He looked down at her warily,'Ya ever think Tommy knew about you too?'
She took a deep breath to gather her courage. She was finally going to reveal something to him she's always worried about,'Ever since I found out Tommy was working for my grandfather. I started questioning everything I thought I knew. My family, my past and…everything leading up to Jackson. In the back of my mind, I was always leery of you being a former Firefly, but I when I found out about what my grandfather was doing here. I wondered if Tommy had you lead me here.'
'As a trap?'
She nodded slowly as she sighed shakily,'I worked through it with therapy and…I know that's not the case. I know you.'
'I would hope so.' He took a deep breath,'I could see why ya would think that though. When we got back from St. Mary's, El wasn't very trusting of me either. I can't ever take back what I done.' He snorted,'Shit, I ain't ever wanted to take El in the first place. Tess wanted the job and I made sure to let her know she was her responsibility.'
'Cargo.' She rested her head on his arm,'That's what ya called me too.' She looked up at him and smiled tearfully,'For the record though? I don't think you would ever do that to me. I really do trust you. And love you. More than anything.'
As she stared dead in his eyes, he didn't see any bullshit. She open, honesty and vulnerability. It was only fair he gives her the same in return.
He turned around to face her as held her face in her hands,'I trust you too. And I love ya a hell of a fucking lot more than I let on. I plan to show ya hell of a lot more too.' He shook his head and frowned,'We're having a date. We shouldn't be being all sad and shit.'
'We're not being sad.' She ran her hand through his hair,'We're just paying our respects to all the sacrifices it took to get here. Together.'
He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers, whispering,'Damn fuckin right together. Your garden looks beautiful too. I'm gonna miss seeing ya out here working on it.'
She nuzzled her forehead against his and smiled softly,'I got a new garden to work on this weekend. My beautiful man built me the finest greenhouse in Jackson. I intend to fill it to the brim with the most beautiful flowers.'
He sighed softly against her lips as she carefully wiped the tears off his face,'I want them all over our house. I want the house smelling like you when you're at Maria's house.'
If I can't have the real thing. I want our room smelling like you. He mentally added to himself.
She was sleeping over tonight though. She was sleeping in their bed again. He would make sure she went to bed satisfied tonight. He wondered if she would ride his face again. Would she suck his cock while he ate her out? Has she ever done anything like that before?
She licked her lips as her eyes held his,'I'll make sure you have fresh flowers everyday. Especially for our room.'
'I like the way ya say that.' He squeezed her waist for emphasis,'Our room.'
'It's still our room.' She shook her head,Nothing's changed in that regard, Joel. We just needed to get reacquainted with ourselves before we found our way again.'
'Did we?' He nuzzled his nose against hers,'Find our way again?'
'I think so.' She stroked his scruffy cheeks,'We seem to be headed in the right direction at least.'
He hummed softly as he squinted his eyes, leaning closer towards her,'Let's see if we can get those wheels moving. Yeah?'
Her eyes widened and she nodded, seeing the serious look on his face,'Yeah.'
She truly didn't know what he meant by that. He was an enigma. Her Joel. Sometimes, she wondered if this was all conjured up. Maybe she really did die back on Silver Lake and this was some vivid afterlife.
She wasn't delusional. For the first time in her life, she was lucid and sane. Everything felt brighter. She's the happiest she's ever been. She wouldn't dare question that.
He kept his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders as they continued on down to the lake. There were a few of the older ladies walking out of the church house for evening mass. They were dressed to the nines in their polka dot dresses and hid wide brimmed hats. It reminded her of the old church biddies growing up in Kentucky. She's learned the people who pray the most, sin the most.
She could feel their eyes on them as they walked past them. She knew they were silently judging them. It was common knowledge that she came from a religious cult. While they used to be sympathetic of it, now they judged her for it. She was found guilty by association. It was unfair they judged her for Francis's actions, but she felt sorry for them. It's a sad and lonely life of bigotry.
She narrowed her eyes at them and nodded in greeting. They stepped aside, letting them pass as they stared at them.
Becca gave them a kind smile and wave,'Good evening, ladies. I take it you prayed the rosaries for me today?'
Joel snorted as he saw the surprised looks on their faces. She wasn't being vindictive, but she was passively aggressively letting them know she knew what they were up to. She heard the things they said about her. She's heard some doozy's in the past year. She was involved in everything shy of devil worship.
She never let cannon fodder to get in her head. Not anymore. She couldn't let others have power like that over her again.
The ladies looked her up and down as they quickly scurried away from her.
Becca laughed and shook her head,'I wouldn't be surprised if they try burning me at the stake.'
'Let them fuckin try.' He frowned and squeezed her shoulders,'You handle it the same as I would though. You don't let it bother you.'
'It used to, but not anymore.' She sighed,'I just…can't worry about what other people think about me. I'll never be able to live a happy life if I let everyone control me. I'm not giving people that kind of power over me anymore.'
He looked down at her and smiled proudly. He felt his chest swell with pride. He knew a lot of people in town gave her shit, but she went about her life. He loved her even more for that.
They reached the lake and Joel led her down to their secluded spot. Her eyes widened when she saw the blanket already set up and a basket. He must've had someone bring it or done it himself. Sometimes, he surprised her by how romantic he could be.
He helped her sit down on the blanket as he placed their plates in front of them.
She felt her stomach grumble softly as she looked up at him,'You don't always have to cook for me, ya know? Even though I do love your cooking.'
'I don't mind.' He shrugged,'You know how much I love to cook.' He averted his eyes downward, whispering admittedly,'It's nice to have someone else to cook for.'
Her heart broke at his words. He was admitting to her, while they were separated, he had been lonely. She had been lonely too. They didn't have to feel like that anymore.
She pulled the cellophane back from her plate and looked up at him, smiling softly,'I enjoy the company more than anything though.'
A small smile formed on his face and she could see the corners of his eyes crinkling up,'Me too, darlin. Best damned company I've ever had.'
She bit back a grin as she dug into her food. It was a simple pasta dish, but she devoured it. She really did love his cooking. While she wasn't as good as him, she was learning. Betsy and Maria had been helping her. They always teased her that she could bake her ass off, but when it came to cooking she was a novice. She always argued it was two entirely different things. Maria could cook, but her baking skills lacked quality. They helped each other out in the kitchen.
He placed her empty dish back in the basket and looked up at her,'I figured we could have dessert back at the house. If you're still hungry.'
She nodded and smiled softly,'I would love that. I'll make some coffee and we can take a walk around the farm. I'm excited to work on the greenhouse tomorrow. I saw Abby this morning. She said she's gonna talk to El and see if she can convince her to come. She's been surprisingly…helpful towards the situation.'
He nodded silently, trying to choose his words carefully. There was something off about her. The lights were all on, but nobody seemed to be home. It was almost as if she were behaving as a caricature of a person. He told himself it was because of her upbringing. All she's ever known is Fireflies and a world Post Outbreak. He didn't blame her for being not all there. He just wished she chose someone else to focus her attentions on.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed,'I don't want her knowing where it is. Especially if you're gonna go up there alone sometimes.' He shook his head,'I don't like her getting too close, Bec. What's it gonna take for El to see?'
She frowned as she stared out at the lake,'Maybe when she tries to kill one of us.' She saw his eyes widened and shrugged,'What? I'm fully ready to handle anything at this point. She has to know about us. It can't be a coincidence.'
'Has she brought anything up?'
'No.' She sighed,'Maybe Abby isn't aware of it and we're overreacting.'
'Maybe we are.' He draped his arm around her legs,'But I know what those fuckers are capable of.' He nodded,'Maybe it's good if they both come along. I want to know more about this girl anyway. The real story.'
'Me too. When you taking her riding?'
'Was thinking about Monday when we get back.' He kept his voice at a hushed whisper so no one else but Becca could hear him,'She isn't afraid of me though.'
'She doesn't need to be.' She shook her head,'I don't think she's afraid of anything. She reminds me of a lot like El.'
'And you.' He chuckled at the befuddled look on her face,'You ain't afraid of shit either.'
'Neither are you. I think that's why we gravitated towards each other.' She felt his hand slide in between her inner thigh, snuggly keeping it there,'El knows it too and is afraid to admit she was wrong.'
'And we were right.' He smirked,'I swear she's an honest to God Miller. You think Matty's gonna give us trouble?'
'Probably like most kids I suppose. He isn't gonna make it easy on us when he's a teenager.'
He swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked over her face,'Ya think I'll be around to see him grow up? I'm fifty eight, Becca.'
She rolled her eyes half heartedly and gently slapped his arm,'Here we go again. You're acting like you're ready for a nursing home and need a walker. You run circles around these young men.' She gently tugged on his mustache,'You ain't going anywhere anytime soon. None of that stinking thinking on a Friday night. Especially not while on a date.' She slid onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck,'You don't feel old either.'
He smirked as he eyes searched her face,'Gonna have the town talkin, darlin.'
She rolled her eyes in pure annoyance this time and sighed,'They talk anyway. Let them talk. In their eyes, we're going to hell anyway.'
He grinned as he placed his hands on her hips,'Lead the way.' He leaned forward and pressed his face into her neck, whispering,'You smell so good. Bet you're gonna taste even better later.'
Her heart started pounding at the implication behind his words. He was telling her what he was going to do her. She would let him do whatever she wanted. Something told her he would do the same.
They were heading in the right direction. Tony was pleased with their progress. They've hit some snags along the way. They still had a lengthy road ahead of them, but they were on the mend.
She turned around in his lap with her back pressed up against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on top of her head. They sat in silence as they stared out at the lake.
The moon was shining brightly and the stars lit up the sky. She stared up at the sky in awe. She loved living in Jackson. It was pure country. She thought Kentucky's sky was something to behold. It didn't hold a candle to Wyoming.
'I love it here.' He whispered as he sensing her sentiment,'I didn't appreciate shit before the outbreak. Boston was a fucking hellhole, but coming here was the best move I ever made. So was bringing you and El here. I don't think it woulda been half as good if I didn't have anyone to share it with.'
She closed her eyes and sighed as she felt him kiss the top of her head,'You were wrong about me not being afraid. I was afraid in Silver Lake. When I thought you might leave me. I was scared to death.'
'Why?'
'Cause I didn't wanna die alone.' She shrugged,'I still don't wanna die alone.'
'And ya won't.' He nuzzled into her head,'I can promise ya that.' He snorted,'I'll probably go before you anyway.'
'Don't talk like that.' She sighed,'We can go at any time, Joel. It's what we do now that matters. I don't plan to go anywhere anytime soon. Not it if I can help it.'
'Me neither.' He gently squeezed her, whispering,'Let's get going. I wanna head back to the farm and relieve Am of his babysitting duties.'
'Am? Babysitting?' Becca's eyebrows raised as Joel helped her up from the ground,'Since when?'
'Since Betsy was working late and couldn't make it.' He shrugged,'I figured what's the worse that can happen?' He shook his head,'Don't answer that.'
She decided not to make a big deal out of it. Luckily, they were heading back to the farm anyway and would be able to check on things. She trusted Am, but she's never seen him babysit before. He barely interacted with Matty, but he was an awkward kid. Ellie called him a nerd, but he always said it takes one to know one. They were like two peas in a pod.
She helped him fold the blanket and they decided to walk back to the farm. It was a beautiful night out and wanted to relish in the alone time together. They were always at the beck and call for others. It was about damned time they start living for themselves and what they want. They learned it's okay to be a little selfish in life.
Thankfully, Matty was asleep and everything was calm at the farm. They sent Am on his way, who seemed eager to go have fun on a Friday night. More than likely with Ellie and Abby. They never asked what they got up to. They figured what every other twenty year was doing. They were kids once too.
They both kissed Matty goodnight before Becca went downstairs in the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. She was reaching up to grab cups out of the cupboard when she felt his broad chest pressed up against her back.
He slyly brushed his body against hers as he rested his hand on her waist,'Let me.'
She let him grab the coffee mugs as she leaned back, smiling up at him gratefully,'Thanks.'
She recently discovered he did this a lot. He always found ways to coyly be touching her. Whether it be flirtatious or helpful. He would press his entire body against the length of hers, letting his breath fall upon the back of her neck. He was teasing her. He's always done this, but she never allowed herself to understand until now. His love language was touch.
''Anytime.' He squeezed her waist before stepping back from her,'I forget how tall I am sometimes.'
'You always keep everything on the top shelf. I'm pretty tall myself, but no match for you.'
'Matty's already tall for his age.' He leaned over her to grab the pot of coffee and poured it into their mugs, grinning proudly,'Did ya see how much taller he is than all the other kids?'
'I'm not surprised.' She shrugged,'Look at you and Tommy. Even Seb is tall.'
Joel took a sip from his mug of black coffee,'Sarah was tall. Charlie too.'
She looked up at him, pursing her lips. She knew he didn't like pity, but she wanted him to understand there's always pity in a woman's love. Who are we if we don't resent the people who hurt the ones we love?
She placed her hand in his tangled their fingers together, 'Let's take a walk.'
He nodded silently as he let her lead him out of the house. They wouldn't be able to walk far with Matty upstairs asleep in the house. Just a simple walk down to the barn to check on the animals, but it will give Joel the opportunity to get some fresh air. She could see he needed it.
She looked up at him and sighed, gently squeezing his hand,'You okay? You kinda zoned out there in the kitchen.'
'I get somber sometimes, Bec. Thinkin about what Sarah woulda become. Her birthday is July twentieth.' He nodded in affirmation as her eyes widened in surprise,'I ain't wanted anyone to know cause I didn't wanna make a big deal outta it.'
'I understand.' She nodded slowly, knowing this was a topic of conversation to tread lightly,'What do you usually do on her birthday?'
He finished his cup of coffee and placed it on the fence post. He crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath,'I usually go for a ride. She loved horses. She grew up in Austin and we ain't had them in the city, but I would take her out in the country sometimes to go riding. Usually on her birthday.' He swallowed harshly,'I…I ride at Sunset and I talked to her.' He shook his head and laughed softly,'I know that sounds crazy.'
'No it doesn't.' She sighed,'Whatever ya gotta do to grieve your loss you go ahead and do it. Ain't me or anyone else can judge you.'
She wouldn't let him know she finally understood where he went to once a year. He would usually ride off before the sun set and wouldn't get back until Dawn. She always had it in her head he was cheating on her. She had been so paranoid and delusional for no reason. He was letting her know, in his own way, that he was working things out. They didn't always have to include her, which was perfectly healthy and normal.
She nodded and smiled softly,'I think that's a beautiful thing to do. I believe she's right there along with you.'
He turned to her and squinted his eyes,'My Abuela used to say that our ancestors were watching over us like guardian angels. She also said there were evil spirits trying to take over our souls.' He snorted,'She wasn't far off.'
'The Native Americans believed that death wasn't something to be mourned.' She nodded,
it's something to be celebrated. For their souls we're moving on towards a life free of pain and suffering. They worshipped the things that were bountiful to them. The crops, flowers…' She waved her hand around,'Every damned thing in this farm represents the things that give us life. Sarah, Tommy, Charlie and everyone else we lost. I don't believe they're really dead. I believe when we die we become one with the Earth again. I think that's the kinda spirituality I wanna follow.'
'I could get into that.' He smirked,'Like when ya say your flowers represent shit.'
'When you put it so poetically.' She playfully rolled her eyes and placed her mug on the post to wrap her arms around his waist,'I don't think anything ever really dies, Joel.' She searched his face, whispering,'Did ya get a chance to bury Sarah at least?'
He averted his eyes downward and clenched them shut tightly, shaking his head,'We didn't have enough time.' He sighed shakily, it was it greatest shame,'Tommy shot and killed the soldier who killed Sarah, but I was shot and there wasn't enough time. Tommy said we needed to get outta there.' He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing,'I wasn't gonna die, but I didn't wanna leave her. I kept trying to hold onto her, but there were more of them shooting and those damned infected kept coming at us.' He blinked away tears,'I left her body like fuckin trash down by a ditch to be eaten up, Bec. Like an animal. I was supposed to be her father.'
She frowned as she held his face in her hands, holding his gaze,'There wasn't anything you could do. Under any normal circumstances, you would've buried her. I know you would have.' She wiped his tears away and gave him a small smile,'We should have a grave for her. I know it's not…her, but we should have something.' She nodded,'We have one for Charlie, Tess, Lizzie and Tommy. I think it's only fair we have one for Sarah too.'
Joel smiled sadly. They've lost so many people. That was only people close to them. It wasn't even counting the townspeople. They weren't planning on adding to that number anytime soon.
He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist,'I would like that.'
She looked up at him and smiled softly,'It should be at the cabin down by the lake. Somewhere beautiful when the sun shines the brightest. I'll make sure she always has fresh flowers.'
He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and nodded,'I'll make her a tombstone. Thank you. That's a nice gesture. It'll be nice to have a place to visit. You can come too.'
'I would like that, but you'll have to introduce us.'
His eyes searched her face and he rolled his eyes as the seriousness,'You really are a hippy.'
She feigned a hurtful expression and pulled back from him,'I just don't always believe God is always up in the sky.'
He followed her down towards the stables to check on the horses,'Don't ya want any graves for your family members?'
'Why?' She looked back at him and shrugged,'I'm already haunted by their ghosts, Joel.' She smirked,'And I mean that theoretically this time.'
He placed his handover his mouth to cover his smirk. She had a mouth on her. She was a spitfire. He loved that in a woman. He loved that in her.
She stepped back to let him open the stable doors. She watched the way the muscles in his taunt back stretched and pulled as he pried the heavy doors apart. He took off his buttoned down shirt and only wore a white t shirt and denim jeans.
She didn't know how much long she could ride this perpetual wave. They were teetering along the precipice of something magical. They've kept their restraint, but it's been months now. Weeks since they've begun this 'clean slate.' They were grown ass adults.
They each took a side of the stables, making sure the horses were fed and secure for the night. He laughed as she made sure to say goodnight to each and every single one personally. His girl was crazy, but she was the good kind. She wasn't trying to hurt or manipulate anyone. He's learned to drop his defenses. Not everyone is out to get him.
He could feel the depth of her eyes watching him. The intensity of her piercing gaze was like pinpricks at his back. She fleshed goosebumps out upon his skin. She always did wreck his calm.
They reached the end of the stables and he narrowed his eyes at her,'What are ya staring at, hmm?'
She bit her bottom lip to suppress her smirk that formed upon her face. She could hear the jest in his tone. He wasn't being malicious. He was honest to God teasing her.
'I don't know.' She shrugged,'Maybe I'm looking for trouble.'
He chuckled low in his throat and it sent shivers down her spine. He walked closer to her, his eyes holding hers in an almost predatory gaze. She stared back at him, her gaze never wavering from his. She wouldn't back down from him. Not anymore. She wanted this just as much as he did.
He was eerily silent as he slowly backed her up against the wall. He cradled her jaw and turned her head, kissing her neck gently, but with a rough passion behind it she's never seen from him before. He almost growled as he pressed kisses against her throat.
She gasped as his hands slid underneath her long dress. He grasped her thighs and hooked her legs around his waist to hoist her up against the wall. They were both breathing raggedly. Neither said a thing. They didn't want to ruin this fragile silence that existed between them.
His eyes widened when he discovered she wasn't wearing any panties. It was almost like she planned for this to happen. The small smile on her face told him she could he devious. It exhilarated him knowing she wanted this too.
'Joel…please.' She impatiently tugged on his belt and began unbuckling it,'I want it.'
She didn't even care how needy she sounded. All she knew is that she needed this, wanted this. She didn't just want anyone. She wanted him.
His heart pounded wildly in his chest. He nodded silently, not saying anything else. He let her unbuckle his belt and he unzipped and unbuttoned his jeans. He slid his hand in between her legs to test her wetness. He heard her sharp intake of breath he slid his middle and index finger in and out of her, making sure she was ready for him.
He pulled his cock out of his jeans and slid inside her with one full thrust. They both moaned loudly at the contact. She saw his eyes rolled into the back of his head as he stared down at their connected bodies. He shook his head, almost in disbelief they were doing this again.
She couldn't believe it either. It wasn't planned or slow and romantic like their real first time had been. This was rushed, frenzied and spur of the moment, but she wouldn't have it any other way. It was so them.
She tried to move on top of him, but he controlled the pace. He kept a firm grip on her thighs as he thrusted up into her. Her back was pushed firmly against the wall, but he was mindful enough to protect the back of head from hitting the wall.
His head was buried in her chest as he fucked her hard and fast. Her hands were tangled in his hair. Her only regret is that she couldn't kiss or touch him as much. They were both fully clothed. They would have to do this somewhere more comfortable next time. Just to get themselves reacquainted again.
He could feel himself getting close and he hurriedly slid his hand in between their connected bodies. He rubbed circles around her clit as his hips jerked and his thrusts became uncoordinated.
She started coming as he quickly pulled out, jerking himself off into his hand. He didn't plan on this happening and they didn't get a chance to talk about things. He jumped on her like a fucking animal. He didn't even give her the chance to enjoy herself.
She said she wanted it. She asked for it. He's never been so…forceful like that. He just had so much pent up desire and emotion for her.
He felt the cold hard pain of regret as he gently set her down on her feet. He wiped his hand off with a rag, discarding it into a dirty bucket. He buttoned and buckled himself back up.
He looked over at her as she smoothed her dress down. It was wrinkled from his hands hiking and bunching it up. He treated her like he did Marjorie. The only difference is he's sober now and actually loved and cared for this woman.
She saw the look on his face and sighed, shaking her head,'Don't do that. Don't go there. I wanted it too, Joel.'
'Doesn't matter.' He ran a shaky hand through his hair,'It shouldnta been like that.'
She raised her hands up and frowned,'What should it have been like? Rose petals and champagne? I don't want that. I loved what we just did that. Don't do that. Don't…make it feel wrong because it's not what you envisioned in your head.'
'We should get back to the house and check on Matty.'
She shook her head silently as she walked out of the stables. She waited for him to lock up. She didn't like when he did this, reverting back into himself like he did something wrong.
They didn't say anything when they walked back to the house.
They stepped inside the house and Joel placed his hands on his hips, nodding to the living room,'I'm gonna sleep on the couch.'
'Why?' She sighed,'You're making something outta nothing.'
He stared at her, wishing desperately he could make her understand,'I know ya wanted it, but I don't like what I did. Do ya understand?'
'I do.' She nodded as she looked over his face,'We're still going on our trip tomorrow.'
She wasn't asking him and he nodded, chuckling softly,'We're still going. Go on and get some rest. I just…need some time alone.'
She didn't understand what he meant by that. He almost looked ashamed for what happened. It was almost as if something bigger was going on than what happened tonight. Did what transpired between trigger something? Maybe he wasn't comfortable talking about it. She wouldn't push him either. He would talk about it when he was ready.
He saw the distressed look upon her face and frowned. He walked over to her and held her face in her hands, kissing her lips,'You did nothing wrong.'
I'm the one who should be sorry. He thought to himself.
He behaved just like they did. David and the Fireflies. He just took whatever he wanted from her.
'You're right.' She nodded and pursed her lips,'I didn't do anything wrong and neither did you. I'm not gonna force you to talk to me.' She looked up at him and frowned,'Just know if you wanna come upstairs at any time. You come on up. Okay?'
He nodded as he hugged her tightly, whispering,'Goodnight.'
'Goodnight.'
She pulled away from him and walked out of the living room. She watched as he slumped back onto the couch and frowned to herself. Hopefully, this second trip to the cabin would set his gears back into place.
He never did come up to bed.
(Up next: the trip and what is Abby doing following Joel around??)