Washington, D.C...2010

One Fine Saturday morning….Gibbs House…

Gibbs Pov…

With the smell of freshly brewed coffee my day starts as usual just like any other weekend, nothing different except for one thing though. As I keep going through my mail lazily mostly tossing away all the junk mail, a rather curious letter from that pile gets my attention. It's addressed to me as usual but the sender's name is what has me double checking it. It's a name I haven't heard for nearly 25 years. And to get a letter from her after all these years???

How is it even possible??

With a curious mind and a heavy heart and after hesitating for almost half hour I finally found it in me to open the letter. At the sight of it Jack's handwriting sudden pain pierces me like a dagger. I could never forget this handwriting, not in a million years. As I stare at the finely written cursive letters an unexplained heaviness hits my chest as I make out the words neatly written in it.

Hello, Dear Gibbs….

First of all if you are reading this then it means that I'm no longer alive.

Just at the sight of the first line the heaviness I had earlier seems to increase ten fold while threatening to smother me down instantly.

Jack is dead??

Just the thought of it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. I may have lived these past 25 years without her but the thought that she was living her life somewhere happily was the only thing that kept my heart beating. And now reading those lines feels like someone just ripped my heart out of me. I take a shaking breath, feeling a thousand questions whirling in my head, threatening to drown me.

What…Ho..How-How did it happen..When did it happen… Why.. I glance back at the letter again, feeling an overwhelming urge to tear that thing to pieces and just deny it all, that it was all just my imagination and that Jack is somewhere in this world alive and happy and not dead. But I can't do that. Instead, with shaking hands I pick up the letter again not because I want to, but because I have to…

There might be a million questions running inside your head right now. I can imagine. Starting from is it really me? If yes, why now after all these years? To where have I been all along, How have I been, How could I possibly go on without a single word for nearly 25 years etc etc….

What? Are you stunned by my ability to speak 'Gibbs' even after all these years, ehm? Don't give me your Gibbs stare, okay. I know that you have lots and lots of questions and I promise I'll answer them all, Gibbs. I'm not going anywhere, not this time. Please just have a little bit of patience, okay??

But before all that, How have you been, Jethro? 25 years. 25 freaking years. It all seems like a lifetime ago but at the same time it also seems like it all happened just yesterday. There has not been one single day in all these years where I haven't thought about you. How about you, Gibbs? Did you ever think about me, 'About us' in these 25 years at all??

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. After all, I'm the one who broke your heart into pieces and left you all alone right? But trust me when I say that there hasn't been a single minute of my life where I haven't regretted that decision. Leaving you and hurting you was my worst mistake and the biggest regret of my life. No amount of apologies will ever be able to make it right, I know that. I'm not even going to try. But the past is in the past! It can neither be changed nor be avoided. And I did not write this letter for that matter. I can almost hear you silently staring at me, questioning impatiently ' Then what on earth is this letter for?'. Like I said earlier, have a little bit of patience, Cowboy.

I can't help but smile at her nickname. No one has ever called me that in my life except her. And Jack has always been able to read me like an open book and it never ceases to amaze me.

Okay coming back to the matter at hand. The reason for this letter. Right….. So there is something I hid from you, Gibbs. A truth which would have completely turned your life upside down. Which I should have told you years ago. I know for a fact that you are going to hate me, even despise me for keeping this from you. But at that time it felt like it was my only choice. And I thought I was doing you a huge favour with the choice I made. I really believed I was.

But as years went by I was no longer sure whether I had made the right choice. Like I said earlier along with leaving you, hiding this truth from you are the only two regrets of my life. If you could ever find it in you to forgive me, Gibbs please forgive me for what I took from you.

So there is no better way to say this, than to just say it. So that's what I'm gonna do because you have the right to know.

Gibbs, You and I, we have a child together. A daughter. Our daughter.

I read and re-read that line again and again just to make sure I haven't misread it or in case I was just imagining it even though I know I haven't. My whole mind starts to spin as those words start making sense to me. Even without my realisation the letter slips through my hands and meets its fate on the floor near my feet.

How is it even possible?? How?? A daughter?? My daughter?? Our daughter ?? How could she hide something like that from me?? Why would she?? For all these years?? How could she do that??

With a million questions raging inside me like a beast, I somehow calm my erratic breath and my heart and finally compose myself and I pick up the letter right where I left.

This must come as quite a shock to you. There must be so many questions running through your head right now. I cannot imagine Gibbs. God I'm sorry. So sorry…..

If only she knew! There are literally no words in this entire world to describe what I'm feeling right now.

Gibbs, I wouldn't pretend by telling you I know how you feel. Because the truth is I have no clue how or what all whirlpool of emotions you are feeling right now. I cannot even imagine. But one thing I know without a doubt is that you'd want to know why? Out of all the infinite questions running through your head, this would be at the top, I'm sure. Why??

Well, at the time when I broke up with you and chose my career over my heart I did not realise that I was making a mistake which I will regret for a lifetime.

Before I continue to read the rest, my mind immediately flashes back…Memories playing on a continuous loop.. memories that have tormented me for decades…. All those years…. The training camp….Meeting Jack for the very first time. Feeling everything all at once…New emotions I ever knew before and experienced….With our heads wrapped around each other…. All those months of endless love…..The warm happiness and solace I felt in her company….. And then the pain and heartbreak and despair that followed when she crushed it all, when she broke us with just one sentence, 'This is not gonna work, Gibbs'...When she walked away and never once turned back as she took away a part of me forever with her….When she turned my first love into my first heartbreak….

It feels as if it all happened yesterday and not 25 years ago. The same pain, the same hurt, the same sickening feeling all coming to me at once just like all those years ago. She had no idea what that one sentence did to me. Swallowing a huge lump in my throat I continue despite my heart begging me to stop. I keep going….

Gibbs, I did not find out I was pregnant until later. By then it had already been a little too late. I had already broken up with you and there was no going back from that. Also dealing with my dad's death at the time, along with my career, our breakup, my future and this child at the time I could barely think about myself much less about you or anything else for that matter. It took me nearly 3 months to even accept what had happened and to come to terms with it all, That I was going to be a mother and that we were going to have a baby.

By then I was already nearly 6 months pregnant. Along with all this sudden turn of events I had no idea where you were or how I could possibly get in touch with you. So after a few weeks of asking around I finally found out from your C.O Colonel Ryan that after finishing your last tour you had gone back to your hometown, Stillwater before joining sniper training in Camp Pendleton.

After days of agony and hesitation bringing up the little courage I had in me I finally made it to Stillwater. You wouldn't believe I had a whole speech and a very long explanation prepared to tell you as soon as I met you, Gibbs. Now when I think about it I can't help but laugh. Laugh at fate!! When I got to Stillwater, it had something very different in store for me. For us!! Little did I know at that time that there was never going to be 'Us' after that trip.

I pause and once again stare at a void… trying to picture Jack coming to Stillwater. To see me. When did she come? What happened ? If she came to Stillwater then Why didn't she see me? What stopped her from telling me that we were going to have a child?? What was going on in her mind?? Where is our daughter right now??

God. I sink my face into my hands and try to take in everything that is written in the letter. But it's all just too much to take in…… I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down in the matter of minutes…..

………..To be Continued………..

Note:

Hey all! You made it. I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. I will try to post the next one soon. I would love to hear your thoughts about the chapter. Pls tell me all about it in the comments. And also leaving a like won't hurt. Thank you so much for reading!

-With love K!