If there is one word to describe his situation right now it would be overwhelmed. After spending over five hundred days in nothing but complete isolation being around people again is a little bit overwhelming. After the initial celebrations of being reunited started dwindling down he could feel how emotions started changing from overjoyed to being back with his crew. His space family. To wanting... No. To needing to escape them.

Escape them. He feels so horrible thinking that. These people gave up so much for him. Lost time with their families and loved ones. risked their lives on an insane gambit to come back and rescue him and now all he wants to do is escape them.

He thought coming back would be a good thing. That he would feel complete again. Not drowning in the loneliness, he tried so hard to ignore on Mars. Yet being around everyone seems to have had the opposite effect. He dreamed about being back on the Hermes. Thought of everything he couldn't wait to share with everyone. How he so desperately craved being with them again.

So why is it that now he is with them that all he wants to do is leave.

It's wrong of him to want that. He shouldn't be feeling like this. He should be happy and grateful. Now don't get him wrong he is. He really is. But it's all too much. His smile no longer feels real. There's a strain to it. A deliberate forcefulness to keep up being so happy. To keep everyone else happy.

That's why he was picked for this mission. He was the one to keep everyone's spirits up. To keep the laughter and happiness going when things get tough. But right now, he can't do that. He can barely keep his own body relaxed. Needing to shift every few seconds to avoid obviously tensing up. Thankfully no one seems to notice his growing uneasy as Martinez goes into an in depth story about what mischief his son has gotten into recently.

Well, no one but the commander notices. He shouldn't be surprised she would be the first one to notice. She can always seem to understand what he's feeling better than he can sometimes.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when her hand comes to rest on his leg. It takes a few seconds longer than it should to relax under her touch. The comfort and security he normally instantly feels when she's close take a little longer to appear but once it has he latches onto it with everything he has.

His own hand comes to cover her's a silent thank you as he tries to pay attention to what Rick is telling them. The desperate need to escape disintegrates a little and the smile on his face becomes more real. How can it not when he has finally been reunited with her. With everyone.

Or at least it does for a few more minutes. He doesn't notice the way his hand starts to clutch tightly on to hers. Doesn't notice how his eyes keep darting towards the door. Doesn't notice how his breathing starts to pick up.

But she does.

"Do you want to get out of here." Melissa asks quietly giving the opportunity to leave. The chance to escape is too good to pass and he loves her all the more for understanding. He nods unable to voice his response. The guilt of wanting to leave still making him feel like crap. Lewis smiles softly towards him before pulling him to his feet. Their sudden movement caught everyone's attention. "As much as I hate to say it I think we should call it a night. We still have a lot of work to do on the Hermes tomorrow. A lot of repairs to make." She winces as she mentally lists off everything that needs to be fixed in the coming days.

Vogel stands up next looking towards the commander. "For the record, I would like to state it was your idea to build a bomb and blow open one of the doors." Mark can't help the bark of laughter that escapes him at the amused yet formal words of their resident bomb maker.

And how Lewis once again winces at that reminder but recovers quickly. "And you are welcome for my stroke of genius saving the day. Now come on Nasa is still pissed at us for hijacking the ship let's not give them any more reasons to be annoyed with us."

"You know by hijacking the ship technicality we're all space pirates." Mark can't help but add on. As a child, he always wanted to be a pirate. The books and movies making it all seem so cool. So, to now be a space pirate the child version of him would be over the moon that all his dreams have come true.

Rick chuckles across from him. "I can't wait to tell my kid I'm one of the first ever space pirates." And for a split second Mark imagines the same scene as Martinez. Someday he could be putting his own kid to bed telling them stories of his time in space. His eyes flicker to Melissa. Stories of both their parent's adventures in space and beyond.

The image is so clear in his mind and for the first time, he doesn't have to push that thought away. Being trapped on Mars he tried not to think of the future. If he let his mind wander too far, he was afraid that it all might become too much for him to handle. Survival from day to day looking at a long term plan was all he allowed himself to think about.

But he doesn't have to do that anymore. He can sit back and daydream about everything the future might have in store for him. He wants kids. He wants to build a life with the woman he loves. He wants so much and he can actually have that now.

Next to him, Beck helps Johanssen up. "Just another reason for Nasa to ground us when this is all over."

"Well good I think I'll be all spaced out after this." Beth easily replies as Beck hugs her close and Mark can't help but grin madly at them. He knew they would become a thing. Everyone called and made bets on when it happened. Speaking of he should find out who won that bet.

"Hey, at least you don't have to become a cannibal anymore." Rick jokes as everyone begins to depart the rec room uttering quiet goodnights to each other. And Beth shooting Rick a glare at the reminder of what could have been her future.

If it did happen, who would she have eaten first. If it was him, he totally would have eaten Rick first. Then Alex. Then Beck and he really shouldn't start thinking about what order he would eat his friends. Because that's weird.

If they were all on Mars, would they have resorted to cannibalism. Would it have been group suicide or would they have just picked each other off one by one until there was only one left. Would they all have made it to the end. How things would have been different if someone had stayed back with him.

No scratch that. Mars was hell. He wouldn't wish that on anyone. For that reason alone, he was glad to have been on his own. He never would dare even entertain the thought of one of his crew members being forced through that hell with him.

Mark barely notices that they have made it back to the Commander's quarters until Melissa is passing him his old Cubs sweatshirt. On the way here he would always complain about it being too cold forcing him to sleep in his sweatshirt just so he doesn't freeze to death. That was of course until Melissa stole it for herself claiming she needed it for the same reason. Seeing her in it made him forget all about the cold warming him up inside making him desperately want something more than he couldn't have. The sweatshirt became hers and every time he saw her in it he couldn't help the bright smile lighting up his face.

Without speaking a word, the two of them begin to get changed into their standard issue Nasa approved sleepwear. As he's changing into a fresh shirt. He sees his reflection in the mirror. He pauses and takes in just how much he's changed since he was last in this room.

His bulky figure has been whittled down to nothing but skin and bones. Far too many bones can be seen under the sickly looking skin covered in bruises and lesions. Overall, not a very attractive figure. One he will have to work hard on restoring under Beck's watchful eye. The doctor has already warned him about overdoing things. He is on a strict diet and exercise routine until Beck says otherwise gradually building his weight and health back up.

He catches Melissa gazing upon what he has become in the mirror. Disgust fills him when he takes in her perfect body in comparison to the mess he has become. "I know I'm not the most attractive thing to look at right about now. But –

"I love you." Melissa interrupts him eyes raking over his ruined body voice filled with so much guilt, affection, and determination.

Unspoken words that she couldn't say. Their relationship wasn't a secret among the crew. It's nearly impossible to keep secrets from each other given all the time in close quarters they spend together. They all knew something was happening. Just like how obvious it was about Beck and Johanssen. But they never talked about it. Even he and Melissa didn't talk about it. Her role as his commander meant they couldn't be together. So, they fell into a they don't talk type of relationship. They couldn't talk about the looks, the soft kisses, the quiet words spoken under the cover of darkness, the night spent wrapped up in each other wishing they could be more than then they were allowed to be.

It was against regulation. It was forbidden and if Nasa ever suspected something both of them would have been kicked off of the mission.

But just because they couldn't talk about it. Couldn't let what they really were become their reality. That didn't mean they both didn't know exactly what the other was feeling. What they really were to each other. What they would become the moment the mission was over, and they could go back to their ordinary lives. What their future was starting to look like without the department tape holding them back.

Mark said the words first. A slip of the tongue during the night of Sol 17 after he caught her singing along to Abba while brushing her hair. He hadn't meant to say it. He meant the words. Had for a while at this point but he hadn't meant to break the silent agreement they had come to. That night they spent alone for the first time in months in opposite beds him hating himself for messing up so badly.

He had wanted to fix it on Sol 18 but then you know... Everything else happened. Leaving him trapped in a limbo of uncertainty of where they stood now. He couldn't ask her if they were good over a message. Couldn't risk Nasa finding out and a conversation like that needed to be done in person.

Reuniting back on the Hermes meant they could finally talk. Finally, be free and open with each other. But he was aware that now more than ever the eyes of the world are still zoomed in on him. He had assumed they would talk about what he said and then fall back into their secret not so secret relationship until everything about him had died down. He was willing to wait. A few months after his return to earth the world would forget about him and move on, and they could hopefully stop hiding in the shadows.

What he didn't expect was for Melissa to say the words he has longed to hear. Mark can do nothing in that moment but stare at his commander wide eyed. "What." He somehow manages to choke out. He must have heard her wrong. She couldn't have just said that. It's just his mind playing tricks on him.

Melissa steps closer to him her hands coming up to cup his face. Her thumb stroking against his cheek. "I love you." She repeats more softly this time. Her eyes boring into his as she says the words that has his heart working overtime. "I am in love with you Mark. And I can't pretend that I don't anymore. When I lost you, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. At your funeral, I had to stand there and act like everything inside of me wasn't breaking down. That we were nothing but work collages. I was a mess. A mess that felt like I could hardly breathe until we got the message that you were alive. That Nasa had a plan to rescue you. And from that moment I have felt like I'm on a bungee jump being yanked up and dropped with every set back and triumph you have endured. And I can't do that again. I can't lose you again. I can't stand here with you alive in front of me and not tell you that you mean everything to me. That I love you and I want to be with you no matter what else the universe might throw at us. I don't want to hide how I feel anymore Mark. I want you. I want a life with you. I love you and I don't care who knows that."

A blinding smile marks his face for a second after Melissa is finished pouring her heart out for him. Not wasting any more time Mark leans down and kisses her trying to express everything he has been too afraid to say in one single kiss. The two of them holding on to each other terrified at the prospect of being separated again.

He tells her how much he loves her in between kisses swearing to never again go a day without letting her know how much she means to him. Love and fulfillment cocooning him as he explains he wants the same as her. The whole lot. Marriage, kids, a house, and a dog. He wants all that one day with her and with her alone. He wants everything he thought he could never have the moment he woke up alone in a desolate wasteland alone.

They had time. They had the rest of their lives now that the final line had been crossed between them. With a sappy smile, he pulls her closer into his arms savoring this feeling. Rejoicing in getting everything he ever desired. Besides he could stay like this forever. In this moment wrapped around each other time seized to exist. Everything else lost it's meaning. The fears and tribulations of Mars meant nothing in comparison to the woman in front of him. The whole universe seemed to have shifted until Melissa became it's center.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.