Invitations and Observations
Severus sat on a bench under a large tree in the courtyard; Rosier occupied the bench beside him. Apparently, Evan wanted to talk—it seemed as if he hadn't stopped to breathe since catching Severus between classes. Severus half-listened as he wearily cast his dark eyes about, ever watchful for Potter and Black. Severus idly wondered what it would feel like to simply exist in a space without worrying about someone bullying him, but quickly pushed those thoughts aside. It was what it was, especially since Severus was far from innocent in their interactions. He took a certain satisfaction in dishing out his own hexes and jinxes before Potter or Black could get one over on him.
"So, what do you think about our new housemate?" Rosier asked Severus.
Severus looked at Evan and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, she's quiet, I guess?"
"That's all you have to say, that she's quiet?" Evan said incredulously. "Jesus, Severus. Not a single thought about how pretty she is, or how crazy long her legs are, or an opinion about those shoes she walks around in? I thought at minimum you'd mention how sharp she is in class—it's like you're walking around with blinders on."
"What the hell do you want from me, then?" Severus groused. "It seems you've noticed plenty on your own. Besides, she is quiet," Severus muttered to himself.
"You've talked to her, though. I haven't," Rosier replied.
"Well, yes," Severus admitted. It was true, he spoke to Miriam daily. She was always polite and cordial, but their interactions were superficial. Their discussions were about classes, or questions Miriam had about Hogwarts. The truth was, Miriam was very focused on her schoolwork, and she didn't prattle on like a lot of girls their age. Severus appreciated her silence; it made her easy to occupy space with.
"Did she tell you anything about her family?" Evan asked, his face smug.
"No, what about them?" Severus only asked because Rosier looked as though he were about to burst.
"Well, her brother used to go here. He was a Ravenclaw, and he died during his fifth year. Her mother hasn't been seen by anyone since the funeral—is she alive? If so, where is she?" Rosier threw up his hands for emphasis, and Severus raised a dubious eyebrow. "Not to mention, her father is a right piece of work. He's an alcoholic, and has made some pretty shit business decisions because of it. My mum said it's a wonder they have any money left. She said he's a right git, too—nasty with a quick temper. Apparently, they're a mess," Evan said solemnly.
Severus silently absorbed everything Rosier just told him. Frankly, it made him uncomfortable, listening to the gossip about Miriam's family. It was none of his business, and he wouldn't like it if somebody was running about Hogwarts airing his family's dirty laundry. Merlin knows, the Snape's had loads of it, Severus thought bitterly. Severus kept his thoughts private, however. "Sounds like your typical pureblood family," Severus quipped.
Rosier laughed. "Right?" he asked Severus as he nodded in agreement. "Oh, speak of the devil," Rosier said softly as he looked across the courtyard.
Severus followed Evan's gaze. Miriam walked purposefully across the grass, her backpack slung over her left shoulder, her curls bouncing with every step she took. Her brows were furrowed, and her face looked sad. Severus narrowed his eyes as Remus Lupin quickly came up behind her. He tapped Miriam on her right shoulder; she slowed down and as she glanced back, Remus side stepped over to her left. Miriam stopped walking. Finding no one, Miriam turned and looked to her left, where Remus stood. Remus grabbed her right hand, and with exaggerated movements, brought his feet together and bowed low over Miriam's hand before he kissed the top of it. Miriam's cheeks turned pink, and she smiled slightly at Lupin's antics as he straightened to look at her.
"Well, that was unexpected," Evan said in surprise as he and Severus watched the two of them walk off together. "What was that all about? Are they together?"
"No idea," Severus replied, the distaste evident in his voice. He watched as Miriam and Remus walked away; they matched step and their heads were close together. Severus turned to Rosier. "Though, I question her taste in boyfriends if she's with a Gryffindor like Lupin."
/-/-/-
Severus frowned at the door in front of him and took a moment to gather his thoughts. Professor Slughorn asked to speak with him, but he did not say what about. Severus knew he wasn't in trouble; therefore, his curiosity was piqued. He raised his pale hand and knocked firmly three times.
"Come in!" Severus heard Professor Slughorn call out. Severus opened the door and stepped into his Head of House's office.
"Ah, Severus, right on time! Please, have a seat."
Severus walked across the ornate Oriental rug and took a seat in the high-backed leather chair across from Professor Slughorn's desk. The highly polished wood surface gleamed under the lit lamps. Severus let his eyes drift around the room. He silently took in all of Slughorn's photographs displayed in various groupings, and all of his memorabilia proudly displayed. Professor Slughorn was certainly a maximalist; he very much enjoyed fancy things.
Professor Slughorn folded his hands in front of him and leaned forward slightly. "How are your classes so far, Severus?"
"They're fine, Sir," Severus answered honestly.
"Wonderful! Looking forward to the Slug Club, I hope?"
"Of course," Severus replied with a nod.
"As am I," Slughorn agreed. "I saw you the other day, walking to class with Ms. Magowan. I take it you became acquainted, yes?"
"Introductions were made," Severus said, a bit of confusion coming through in his voice.
Horace nodded. "Good. It's quite a coup for our house to gain Ms. Magowan, and as a hatstall, no less."
Severus could see the excitement dancing in Slughorn's bright green eyes when he spoke about Miriam being sorted into Slytherin. Naturally, Slughorn would see it as a feather in his cap, though it had nothing to do with him personally. Severus simply nodded in agreement.
Professor Slughorn hesitated. "I think the transition to Hogwarts has been tougher on Miriam than she is letting on. It's important that we as a house support her and ensure she feels welcome."
Severus frowned. He wished Slughorn would just get to the point. "I haven't seen anyone in our house be anything except welcoming, if that's what you're worried about," Severus offered.
Slughorn made a face somewhere between a grimace and a shrug. "It's not our house I'm worried about. I'm doing what I can, in that regard. However, I did want to ask a favor of you, seeing as you already know Ms. Magowan."
"What do you need?" Severus asked.
"Hogwarts is full of secrets, as you well know—and it can also be quite confusing, what with rooms moving and the staircases changing. I was hoping you could take Miriam on a tour of the grounds; show her where everything is and be available if she gets lost?"
Severus thought about Slughorn's request. He already walked to class with Miriam more often than not; they were going the same direction, anyway. Plus, he did know where everything was—well, mostly. "I can do that," Severus agreed.
As Slughorn went to reply, a knock at the door interrupted him. "Come in!" he called out.
Severus turned in his chair as the door opened. Miriam stood in the doorway; her eyes nervously shifted from Slughorn, to Severus, then back to Slughorn. "My apologies, Sir, I'll come back later," Miriam said as she made to shut the door.
"No, no! Do take a seat, Ms. Magowan." Professor Slughorn gestured to the empty chair next to Severus.
Miriam crossed the room and sat down. She sat straight and tall, her back not touching the cushions, and her shoulders back. Miriam clasped her hands in her lap as she crossed her feet at the ankles.
Professor Slughorn smiled sympathetically at the witch. "You can relax, Miriam, you aren't in trouble," Slughorn said kindly.
Miriam hesitated. "Thank you, Sir…I am trying." Her hands twisted around in her lap anxiously. "I'm not used to being summoned to my Head of House's office for benign reasons." Her eyes shifted over the walls and she arched an eyebrow in surprise. "Is that a copy of Les Misérables I see on your bookshelf?" Miriam inquired.
Slughorn turned around and gazed at his books. "It is! I take it you've read it, then?"
"Of course," Miriam replied quickly. "It's practically required reading in France, you know. I went with my Papa on his most recent trip to Paris, and there are rumors of Muggles adapting the story and bringing it to the stage."
"That sounds delightful!" Slughorn declared.
Miriam nodded enthusiastically. "I think so, and if it does, Gramie said we'd be first in line for tickets."
"Ah, your grandmother is a very kind woman, Miriam," Professor Slughorn said wistfully. His eyes took on a faraway look. "You resemble her a great deal, though I'm sure you get told that all the time."
Miriam's grey eyes widened as her lips parted in surprise. "I don't actually, but thank you, Sir. Oh! I got an owl today; before I forget, my brother asked that I give this to you." Miriam reached into her robe pocket; she leaned forward and handed a small package to Slughorn. Her posture returned to its former rigid state, though her hands were still.
Miriam watched as Slughorn's gooseberry-colored eyes lit up. "I do love gifts," he said happily. "How is Willford?"
Severus watched Miriam as she smiled genuinely at Slughorn's question. "He is well."
"Is this papaya?" Horace asked as he eyed the package of candied fruit.
"It is," Miriam affirmed. "Will said it was to pay you back for all the candied pineapple he ate during detention."
Slughorn laughed and shook his head as he remembered. "Willford definitely had a mischievous streak, for a Ravenclaw. Was he out-of-sorts to hear you hadn't sorted into his house?"
Miriam paused, then shook her head no. "I don't believe so; no one figured I would go to Ravenclaw. He told me to trust the Hat, so I'm sure Slytherin was the correct choice."
Professor Slughorn beamed and offered the bag of candied fruit to Miriam and Severus in turn before selecting a piece for himself. As the three ate, Slughorn looked deep in thought. "Well, the Hat definitely earned its keep with you, being a hatstall."
Miriam exhaled as confusion settled across her features. "I keep meaning to ask Violet, but other things keep cropping up. What is a hatstall?"
"Oh, it's very exciting!" Slughorn declared. "It's a sorting that takes more than five minutes because the Hat sees your personality equally suited to several houses. They're rare, and occur once around every fifty years or so. Professor McGonagall was one," he added thoughtfully.
"Was she really?" Miriam mused as she absorbed that bit of information.
Professor Slughorn nodded. "Speaking of houses, I was telling Severus how attending Hogwarts must be quite a departure from Beauxbatons."
Miriam hesitated. "They each have a certain allure, and challenges. Though I will admit I get lost here more than I like."
"Ah-ha! I think we can help you there. I've asked Severus to give you a tour of the grounds, and answer any questions about the castle you might have," Slughorn said.
The young witch gave her professor a calculated look. "Well, I certainly hope Severus gets rewarded for being volunteered as a child minder."
Horace laughed. "You don't need a minder, Miriam. However, I thought Severus perfect for the job, seeing as how you are already acquainted."
Severus gazed back at Miriam when she turned to look at him. The moment stretched long before she turned her attention back to her Head of House. "We are acquainted, and I accept the offer. I have four years to make up for, after all."
Their professor nodded. "One more thing," Horace said as he opened his desk drawer. He pulled out a silver-colored envelope with Miriam's name embossed in dark green foil. He handed it to Miriam.
Severus watched with interest as Miriam grasped the envelope. He knew what it was; Severus received a similar envelope when he was invited to join the Slug Club. Miriam's curious eyes scanned the invitation while the other two waited. When she finished reading, Miriam looked at Professor Slughorn. "Do I need to reply formally, or will you allow a verbal acceptance to your invitation?" Miriam asked as she smiled.
Professor Slughorn beamed. "Informal is fine. Now, I know you have studies to tend to, so I'll let you both go to sort your plans."
Severus held the door open for Miriam and followed her into the corridor. They silently walked a good distance away from Slughorn's office before Miriam's steps slowed. She stopped and faced Severus. "I'm sorry he roped you in to help me," Miriam said. "I know you have better things to spend your time on."
Severus frowned. "It's no trouble, though I get the impression you'd rather not have help. Or is it just that you don't want help from me?" Severus asked, his words sharp and his brows furrowed.
"Don't put words in my mouth, Severus. I said no such thing. Am I used to asking for help? No, but that doesn't mean I don't need it. You have been more accommodating towards me than almost anyone here, and that should tell you everything about how well I'm currently fitting in," Miriam said sarcastically.
Severus arched an inky eyebrow as Miriam held his gaze. If his poor attempts at being social was accommodating, then Miriam was having a rough go. "I thought McGonagall already gave you a tour of the castle," Severus said as he attempted to change the subject.
Miriam flicked her hand as though annoyed. "She did, but it was brief and I was worried about the sorting." Miriam sighed heavily. "It's like I have the mind of a goldfish lately; I travel the hallways and put all my focus on memorizing, only to forget it all the next day. And it's annoying because I usually remember everything."
"That's strange," Severus said.
Miriam shook her head. "My sister-in-law says it's a trauma response, and also because I don't feel safe here." She saw Severus' confused look. "I don't get it, either. She's really into emotional and mental well-being, and I'm…not?" Miriam offered lamely with a shrug of her shoulders.
Severus hesitated. He knew Mr. Moore moved Miriam here to keep her close; now she alluded to something traumatic and admitted that she didn't feel safe, and Severus wondered what the hell happened that brought Miriam here. "You are safe at Hogwarts, you know. There's no place more protected, especially with Dumbledore as Headmaster," Severus told Miriam.
"Am I, though?" Miriam asked. Her eyes were filled with uncertainty. Severus took note that she was back to twisting her hands together again.
"Yes," Severus said simply. "That, and the fact that you're a witch should give you reassurance. Unless you doubt your abilities." Miriam narrowed her eyes at him, and Severus' widened slightly. Evidently his last comment struck a nerve.
"Are you insinuating I can't handle my magic? Or that my skills are lacking?" Miriam asked lowly, her eyes full of anger. He noticed a red blush creep up her neck slowly.
Severus stood tall and looked back at her, his face impassive. "No, though I honestly don't know you well enough to judge your ability to protect yourself or how well you use your magic."
"Well, let's hope you never have to find out," Miriam shot back. Her voice barely contained her rage. "Though I can assure you my skills are more than sufficient."
Severus stayed silent as he watched the witch try to reign in her anger. She had a temper; but after living with Tobias, it hardly phased Severus. "Anyway," Severus drawled, "when do you want to do this?"
Miriam stopped to think as she stuffed her emotions down. Severus really pissed her off, and she was trying to not hex him at the moment. It also unnerved her that he seemed almost bored with her angry outburst. She inhaled deeply before answering. "I'm free tomorrow afternoon."
"Well, what do you know, so am I," Severus said mockingly. "I'll meet you in the common room at three." He glanced down at the black heels Miriam was wearing. "There will be a lot of walking—do try and wear a more practical pair of shoes." With that, Severus turned away and walked down the corridor.
Once Severus rounded the corner, Miriam visibly deflated. She began to internally chastise herself. There was so much anger inside her lately, and Miriam had no idea why. Hogwarts wasn't turning out like she thought; it was true she made a few friends in her house, but nobody else seemed to like her. They either saw her as a novelty, or openly disliked her for transferring in. Plus, there was a fifth year Ravenclaw—Desmond Campbell—that seemed intent on making Miriam's life miserable. She had no idea why, but Miriam had a feeling he was going to be a problem for her their entire time at Hogwarts.
Miriam began to walk slowly back to the common room. She was lonely; Miriam was always lonely in some fashion, but this lonely was different. It had sharp edges that cut at her insides. When she walked the halls, she thought about Ian and what he and Will got up to during their time at Hogwarts, and it made her sad. Then, anger at Malcolm for keeping her from coming here as a first-year quickly followed. She also yearned to be back at Beauxbatons: all of her friends were there, deep in their studies and probably being serenaded by the wood nymphs. She only had Remus here, and he was busy with his classes and his own friend group. Though he tried to make time, Miriam felt it unfair to ask Remus to put his life on hold for her. Miriam thought she might have found a friend in Severus, but after today, she may have buggered that, too.
The witch sighed; she spoke the password and slipped into the common room. She just wanted to go home. Miriam stopped abruptly when she realized that she didn't really have a home, then guilt consumed her. Mr. Moore would be crushed if he knew her thoughts, Miriam's conscience reminded her. Despite Johann's efforts, the truth of the matter was that Miriam had no nuclear family; her father hated her, her mother was an addict, and her brother was dead. That only left her Gramie and Papa, Will, and Mr. Moore as surrogate family. They tried valiantly to fill the void—and for the most part succeeded admirably, but deep-down Miriam wondered why she wasn't good enough for her own parents to love her.
/-/-/
That night at dinner, Severus was in high spirits. The elves made bolognaise, one of his favorites, and afterwards he was going for a walk with Lily. As he ate, Severus talked with Mulciber about an article in the Daily Prophet about the Dark Lord. During a pause in their conversation, he glanced down the table and his eyes settled on Miriam.
Her eyes looked tired, but they were trained on the wizard across from her. Regulus Black leaned over his plate as he spoke earnestly to Miriam. In Severus' eyes, Regulus was everything Sirius should have been; he felt Sirius wasted his pureblood potential and shamed his family name by acting out the way he did. Not to mention that Severus viewed Sirius overall as a pompous ass. Regulus had the same haughty look as his older brother, but his jaw was squarer, and his black hair was straight. Regulus was a fourth-year, and Seeker for the Slytherin Quidditch team.
Severus watched as Miriam dropped her eyes to the table, then raised them as she said something to Regulus. Regulus looked to Miriam's left hand, and he traced something Severus couldn't see over the top of it with his pointer finger. Miriam watched silently. Regulus then grasped both of Miriam's hands in his. He held them together, his hands closed around hers between their plates as they leaned closer to one another. His words made Miriam smile, and they resumed eating and talking.
Severus returned to his dinner as he wondered what the hell they were talking about. Miriam was certainly popular, Severus thought as he remembered her earlier interaction with Lupin, and now Regulus. She seemed to be fitting in just fine despite what she said earlier, Severus mused as he wiped his mouth and tossed his napkin on the table. He effectively forgot about Miriam's angst as he stood; nothing was going to ruin his good mood as he thought about seeing Lily. He walked past the couple on his way out of the Great Hall to meet her.
Later that night, Miriam walked down the stairs from her room to the common room, two books in her hands. Earlier that evening, she'd taken up residence in a quiet corner to think about her conversation with Regulus when Severus walked in just before curfew. He seemed elated, and Miriam idly wondered what made him so happy. Now, Severus was seated at one of the smaller square tables as he worked on assignments.
Miriam walked up to the table; she stopped beside the empty chair and waited. Severus either hadn't noticed her, or he was ignoring her. His quill made a faint scratching noise against the parchment. He paused to dip his quill in ink, and straightened when he noticed he wasn't alone. He looked at Miriam warily.
Part of what Miriam and Regulus talked about was how out-of-line she acted towards Severus. Regulus encouraged her to make an overture of friendship, especially since they were supposed to spend time together tomorrow. Regulus joked that Miriam better right her wrongs, or Severus would abandon her in a remote part of the grounds. Miriam laughed, but part of her felt Severus would have no qualms about leaving her ass in desolation with no way back to the castle.
"Hello, Severus," Miriam said evenly. "I would like to speak with you. May I sit down?"
Severus said nothing, but he nodded yes, so Miriam sat down in the chair across from him. Severus looked at Miriam as she settled in and crossed her legs. She hadn't changed out of her uniform, but Miriam was without her robes and tie; she only wore her white blouse and gray pleated skirt. When she crossed her legs, her foot peeked out from under the table, and Severus noticed she had on a pair of black wool slippers. That answered his earlier question; she at least owned one other pair of shoes besides those high heels she always wore.
Miriam sighed heavily and folded her hands on top of the books in front of her. "I'm really bad at this, so I hope you can give me a little grace while I fumble through." Severus raised an eyebrow and stored his quill while Miriam cleared her throat. She looked Severus in the eye. "I want to apologize for the way I acted earlier today, and how I spoke to you. I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind, and coming here isn't what I thought it would be." Miriam dropped her eyes to the table. "I'm really angry about some circumstances I can't control, and I directed that anger at you. It was uncalled for; none of my issues are your fault, and I am sorry," Miriam finished quietly.
Severus leaned back in his chair and looked quizzically at Miriam. "It's fine," Severus finally said after a long pause. "Though I'm not sure why you feel an apology is necessary."
"You mean aside from the fact that my actions were unkind?" Severus nodded, and Miriam hesitated. Miriam wasn't sure she wanted to tell Severus outright that she'd like to be his friend; she almost felt like he'd laugh at her. Besides, Miriam reasoned, asking someone to be their friend was for primary children. "I wasn't lying when I said you've been one of the most accommodating to me since my arrival. I would hate to think my impulsiveness caused me to lose that."
"Oh," Severus replied simply as he thought about what she said; it sounded like Miriam was trying to say she wanted him as a friend, without using those exact words. Severus felt confused—no one wanted to be his friend, aside from Lily. He wasn't even sure if he could call Avery, Rosier, or Mulciber "friends"; they were more acquaintances of convenience or shared circumstance than anything.
"I, uh, wanted to share something with you so that you know my apology is sincere." Miriam slid a book across the table. "I make a habit of not lending out my books, but in your case, I'm willing to make an exception."
Severus pulled the book close to him. The colorful cover reminded Severus of a watercolor painting. Along the left side going over the spine was a craggy rock face with sparse trees. Several birds and fish took up the remaining space and the title read: The adventures of Tom Bombadil. It was the Tolkien book Miriam had mentioned he should read. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Though she hardly knew him, Miriam had figured out one thing Severus truly enjoyed—a new book.
"Thank you," Severus said. "I'll start on it as soon as I finish my homework."
"Do you mind if I sit with you and read my book?" Miriam asked as Severus picked up his quill. Severus shook his head no. Pleased, Miriam opened her book and continued reading while Severus scratched away.
/-/-/-
A/N: Thanks for reading!