Emily was not okay on the drive back from Philadelphia. She was alternating between sniffling and wiping her eyes with the back of her hand every five seconds or so, letting her hand fall helplessly from her cheek back onto the steering wheel. She knew that she needed to pull over, but, at the same time, she needed to keep going – to drive as far away from everything as she could possibly get.

She felt like such an idiot. All the memories of that phone call to Paige at Stanford came rushing back. Back then, she never would have dreamed that Paige wouldn't have jumped at the chance to get back together, because Paige had always jumped at the chance to get back together. And, this time, she couldn't have been blamed for her hoping that Paige was coming back for her, because Paige had always come back for her. Always.

It was a different nightmare but with the same result. Another pillar of Emily's world had come crashing down.

It had always been easy for Emily to let go of relationships back in high school, mostly because she was usually the one who decided that it was over. Even when Paige left her at the airport, she bounced back quickly and painlessly enough. Maybe it was her faith that, eventually, she and Paige would end up back together that made it easier to deal with.

Paige walking away was one thing. Paige not wanting to take her back was something Emily had never experienced. It devastated her.

Emily was gesturing with her left hand as she drove, as though she were having this conversation with someone else and not just in her head. She ran her fingers through her hair and slammed her hand on the steering wheel again.

After a while, she pulled off of the highway and parked in a deserted area at the far end of the parking lot at a grocery store. She knew that she couldn't go home looking the way she did. She needed to get herself together.

Things were so much easier in high school. Breaking up was so much easier. The worst you had to worry about was the unhelpful pity of your parents, some awkward moments when you passed your ex in the hallway, and maybe some whispering from nosy classmates. Adult breakups sucked. It wasn't as simple as just moving on. There were things to sort out. Bank accounts. Apartment leases. Furniture. Emily had resisted moving in with Abby for as long as she could, precisely because she didn't want to get herself entangled in all of those things. Not with Abby, at least. At least, that's how she felt when Abby first asked. After a while, she came to terms with the fact that Paige wasn't coming back. Being with Abby was better than being alone.

Emily took a deep breath and checked her reflection in the rear view mirror. She just had to suck it up. She'd gotten good at that, over the years.

Paige and Aeryn had managed to settle into a good, solid friendship. It was a good thing, too, since there were still some commitments that they had signed up to before the breakup. They were both on the board of a non-profit that helped promote tolerance and acceptance among high school and college students. Four times a year, they planned major events, and it meant long days and crazy hours.

Paige had been preparing to resign from the board when she was planning to move back to Pennsylvania, but, when she eventually decided to stay in California, she decided to serve out the rest of her term.

California, she concluded, was the lesser of two evils. She and Aeryn were friends, which was something that she had never really been able to say about herself and Emily. And, the last time she was in Pennsylvania, Emily had made it pretty clear that, if she did move back, Emily wouldn't have been satisfied just being friends.

Besides, the plan to move back to Pennsylvania had been all about running away from the situation with Aeryn, and Paige decided that she was too old to keep running away when things got hard.

The 10K Race for Awareness was one of the things that Paige and Aeryn had grown to love working on together, in the years when they were together. It was an ordeal, but it the kind of ordeal that was almost pleasurable, when you were sharing it with someone you loved. They discovered that it was almost as much fun doing it as just friends.

One night, Paige and Aeryn ended up printing flyers at a FedEx copy center long after dark. Everything was going wrong. The printer kept jamming. Later, it ran out of toner. When they finally managed to get it running long enough to print about half of the flyers, Paige noticed that they'd printed the wrong date, and they'd have to start all over. Aeryn handled it like a trooper, laughing it off as she opened the file on her laptop and made the correction. But when Paige returned from picking up a couple of coffees for them, she saw Aeryn leaning with both hands on the copier, seemingly on the verge of tears. Her first inclination was to walk over and gather Aeryn into her arms, to let her know that everything would be okay. It felt like such a natural thing to do, but Paige knew that, if she started down that road, it would lead to them getting back together. She let the door close behind her and Aeryn, looking up and seeing her, started comically pounding at the machine and pretending to kick it, putting on her best face. She had never like letting Paige see her sad.

When the race – and all celebratory dinner and all the speeches speeches – finally ended, Aeryn dropped Paige off at her apartment. They sat in Aeryn's car and chatted for the longest time. Aeryn eventually turned off her engine, to save on emissions. The conversation had started as a recap of the race, celebrating the way that everything had fallen into place. Gradually, though, they found themselves talking about other things; anything, really, that came to mind. Aeryn let out a laugh, from time to time, saying, "I can't believe we're just sitting here in the car talking about…" whatever it was that they were talking about at that moment. Cherry blintzes. Weird dog names. Cities in Japan. That statement was always followed by a silence, whereupon they would both laugh, and one of them would start talking again, on some new topic.

During one of the pauses, Aeryn put her hand on Paige's cheek. She didn't know why she did it. Paige didn't know why, either, but she didn't try to stop her. They just sat and stared into each other's eyes. It felt like an eternity, but it was actually only a second or two. Paige started to feel very warm. She didn't realize that her legs were quivering, but Aeryn noticed. Once she noticed, she jerked her hand away.

"I'm sorry," she said meekly. "That was inappropriate."

"No, no… It was…" Paige didn't know what to say. She couldn't deny that it was inappropriate, so just repeated, "no."

Aeryn tried to catch Paige's eye, looking for some signal that they were okay; that what she'd done was okay – but Paige refused to look up at her. Defeated, Aeryn croaked, "I'd better let you go."

Paige nodded.

As Paige opened the door, Aeryn put a hand on her arm. "Hey, Paige… I…" She huffed helplessly, letting go of Paige's arm. "I hope this doesn't mean…"

Paige smiled, for the first time since Aeryn's hand had landed on her cheek. "No, of course not," she said, giving Aeryn's hand a squeeze.

Aeryn watched her walk up the pathway to her door, where she turned and gave a smile and a wave goodnight. Aeryn waved back and, with a heavy sigh, started the car.

Paige lay awake in bed for hours that night, even though she was exhausted. She didn't blame Aeryn. They were both tired and lonely, and their defenses were down.

It wasn't the touch that was keeping her awake. It was the one thought that she couldn't get past:

If that had been Emily's hand on my cheek, there's no way I'd be sleeping alone tonight.