A/N: Warning - this chapter is all Emily, all the time. Thanks for reading! 3

Emily looked up from another sip of her coffee. She was no longer the Emily that she had been in high school; the Emily who always turned her eyes away during conversations like these. Back then, talking to Pam was awkward and uncomfortable, partly because of the normal mother-daughter awkwardness: Pam trying to share her wisdom and experience with her daughter, and Emily thinking that her mother knew nothing about her world.

It was even more complicated than that, with Emily and Pam, though. It took a while for Pam to regain Emily's trust, after how poorly she reacted when she found out that Emily was gay. It became hard for Emily to accept Pam's criticism of any of her girlfriends without secretly wondered whether her mother was really rejecting her lesbianism and not the girl in question; whether Pam would disapprove of whomever she was dating, as long as she was dating women.

It had been years since she and Pam had talked like this about her relationships. In all the time that she and Abby had been together, there hadn't been much drama between them, and, as a result, she'd never needed to go to Pam for advice. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, Emily came to realize how much things had changed since high school. Pam was treating her like an adult, asking questions and giving opinions the way she might have done with a friend or a sister.

"How long have you felt unhappy?"

Emily trailed her finger around the rim of her coffee mug. She sighed. "I don't even know," she admitted. Tilting her head to the side, she added, "I guess, after years of just lowering my expectations and settling for less and less out of our relationship, it's hard to pinpoint exactly when the happiness stopped." Emily shrugged helplessly.

"But you stuck with her?"

Emily nodded. Pam took her hand to comfort her. She knew her daughter. She knew that, no matter how bad things got, being with someone would always seem easier than being alone.

"And now what?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders. Back in high school, she would have taken the question as a threat some kind of judgment on her choices, but, this time, she appreciated that her mother was helping her work through it. "I guess you reach a point where you have to ask yourself whether it's really worth it." Pam nodded in understanding. "It's just not that easy, though, you know?" Emily looked down at the table in defeat. "You spend so many years building a life together…" She shook her head. "You can't just walk away without having everything come crashing down around you."

"So," Pam said with a faint smile, "What are the steps?"

Emily smiled too, not looking up. Her mother was using the words that her father would say, if he had been there. Emily liked that about the two of them. It was cute the way that Pam and Wayne had grown so much like each other over the years. She really wanted to have that kind of relationship with someone. She tightened her lips. "I guess I have to end it." Pam gave her wrist a slight squeeze. "And the next step," Emily said through a sigh, "is figuring out where I'm going to live…"

"You wouldn't keep the apartment?"

"I wouldn't feel right."

"You know you could always stay here," Pam offered. "At least for a little while." Pam wouldn't have minded having her only child back on a long-term basis, but she added that last bit to remind Emily that it wouldn't be forever. She knew that it would be hard enough for Emily, as an adult, to have to move back into her parents' house.

Pam got up and headed for the cabinet, so that her back was to Emily as she continued her line of thought. "It would be nice to have someone else in this big old house while your dad's off at Fort Hood." She thought that it would be easier on Emily if she realized that she was helping her mother out.

When Pam turned around, carrying a box of cookies back to the table, she saw Emily biting her lip pensively. "You know," she said as her final plea, "we kept your room exactly the way you left it."

Emily snorted out a loud laugh. "Yeah, right! You couldn't wait to turn my room into a sewing room, as soon as I moved out!"

Pam put her hand on Emily's shoulder with a mischievous smile. "Well, that was just to keep your father from turning it into his man-cave!"

Emily craned her neck, looking over her shoulder at her mother. She smiled as she accepted a cookie, and Pam patted her on the shoulder. "Just think about it, okay?"

"Okay."

Emily didn't need to think it over. She knew what she had to do.

"I… I just don't understand."

Abby was fighting back tears. Emily was staring, restless, at her hands.

"I mean, I thought we were happy!"

Emily turned sharply and stared at Abby, flabbergasted at that statement.

"Well, I mean… I thought we were working on it?"

Emily bit her lip, looking on her girlfriend with compassion. "I'm sorry," she managed.

Abby fell back against her seat. She shook her head a couple of times and sat in silence, moving her lips but not saying anything, before she narrowed her eyes and lashed out at Emily. "This is about her, isn't it?"

Emily immediately looked down, guiltily. She didn't know what to say. It wasn't really about Paige - Paige had already made it clear that they weren't getting back together - But it probably would have been easier on Abby if she thought that Emily was leaving her for Paige than if she found out Emily was breaking up with her because of her; that she would rather be alone than stay with her.

And yet, it really was about Paige, the more Emily thought about it. After all, even though Paige had rejected her, if Paige hadn't visited her and given her a glimpse back into the life that she used to have, she probably would have been content to keep on going with Abby, the way they were.

Emily looked up slowly and parted her lips, but Abby cut her off.

"No," she said sharply, with a vigorous shake of her head. "Don't say it." She scoffed. "Your body language already told me everything I need to know." She stood up so fast that her chair fell over. Emily reached for her arm.

"Abby, I…"

"Don't." Abby said, trying to hold on to some shred of pride. "Just let me go pack my things."

"I… I was going to stay with my Mom," Emily explained. Abby nodded and walked into the spare bedroom of their apartment, which they'd set up as an office. Emily winced as she heard the door slam.

She put a few things in a suitcase and headed out, leaving a note that said that she would stop by to pick up the rest later in the week. She didn't even have to say that she was going to come at a time when Abby wouldn't be there.

Pam greeted her at the door with a long hug.

"Your father says to keep your chin up," she whispered in Emily's ear. "He knows it's hard, but doing the right thing isn't always easy." Emily nodded against her mother's shoulder. Pam rubbed her back. "I'll let you get settled," she said softly, knowing that Emily needed some on her own time to process everything.

Emily felt guilty for crying over Abby. By any objective measure, she had won the breakup. If anything, Abby should be the one crying. That wasn't the main reason that she felt guilty, though. Over the years, she had let so many other girlfriends go without shedding any tears. Abby had been her longest relationship by far, but theirs hadn't been the most meaningful. But there she was, crying over Abby. Even though, time and again, she had sent Paige away with not a single tear.

She knew that she shouldn't think of Paige, but it was hard not to, sitting there in her old room, in her old window seat. Their window seat. Emily's mind flashed to the time when Paige told her that she'd always wanted a window seat; when she told Paige that she'd wanted someone like her; when they kissed in that window seat for the first time.

Her bed was no longer against the opposite wall, but, staring at that wall, she remembered it. She remembered lying next to Aria when the text came from Paige, inviting her on a picnic. She remembered sitting there and calling Paige after the rat-in-the-locker incident, when she almost confessed to a love that she hadn't realized was still there, until she heard the words coming out of her mouth. And she remembered lying next to Paige, both of them grieving over the fact Paige's parents were sending her off to California before the school year even ended. She didn't realize at the time that that had been her last chance with Paige. Emily sobbed as she remembered her desperate trip to the airport, trying to convince Paige to fight her parents and stay in Rosewood, realizing that it was already over by then. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in Paige's heart; that part of her heart that had always been loyal to Emily. Emily convulsed into another bout of weeping, her eyes stinging with tears.

Breaking up with Abby had been the right thing to do, but her father was right: it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy being alone; it wasn't easy moving back into her old house; it wasn't easy seeing happy couples all around her. Emily used to be a romantic. She loved to see couples being affectionate or cute together in public. But after her breakup, it was just too painful for her. She was starting to think that she would never be in that kind of relationship again. She didn't see how she ever could, when she couldn't stop thinking about Paige.

She knew that it wasn't healthy to spend so much time thinking about Paige, or about how happy everyone else was, but she couldn't help it. It was part of the mourning process. She was certain that those feelings would go away as soon as she got over her breakup with Abby.

Living with her mom wasn't easy, either. Pam had learned to give Emily some independence over the years, but, once Emily was back under her roof, she began to fall back into her old patterns. Pam had stopped worrying about how late Emily got home or how late she slept in the morning, because she was never aware of those things after Emily moved in with Abby. With Emily living in the same house again, even though Pam was trying her best to let Emily live her own life, Pam couldn't help but see. Emily tried not to get too upset when Pam treated her like a child, because she could see that Pam was trying hard not to. But it was annoying. Knowing that Pam was trying not to treat her like a baby made it even more annoying; the backhanded ways that Pam would ask where she was going or where she had been or how late she would be out.

Still, it was nice to have someone there to talk to at breakfast, and someone to watch TV with at night. It was good for both of them. In a lot of ways, Pam didn't know anything about Emily's life, but, in many ways, Emily came to realize, Pam knew her better than anyone else did.

One night, during a commercial break from a sappy, romantic movie that they were watching (the kind of movie that Pam loved so much and Emily endured for her mom's sake), Emily blurted out, "Oh, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life!" She wasn't melancholy about it. In fact, she was half-joking. Time had helped heal her heart after the rejection by Paige and her breakup with Abby.

"Well, you know what your Lola told your Tiya Estelle: It's better to be single and wish you were married than to be married and wish you were single!"

"Okay," Emily said with a quizzical smile, "I don't even know what that's supposed to mean."

Pam angled herself towards Emily, away from the TV screen. "I guess it means that it's better to be looking for love when you're single than to commit yourself to someone and still find yourself looking for love."

"You don't think I'm ever going to find love?" Emily reached for the remote and muted the TV. The conversation had suddenly become serious.

"No, I didn't say that…" Pam was using her soft, non-threatening voice – the voice that made her colleagues at the police department tease her that she should be a hostage negotiator. And, like a skilled negotiator, after a suitable pause, she hit Emily with the kicker. "Have you talked to Paige?"

A month or so earlier, Pam wouldn't have dared asked. But, as she watched Emily progress, she realized that the time was right to kick her from the nest and teach her to fly.

Emily sighed. She thought that her mom was finished interfering in her relationships. "She… doesn't want me in her life anymore."

"Well," Pam said slowly and calmly, "I can remember a time when Paige showed up on our doorstep, back when you didn't want her in your life anymore, but she didn't give up."

"Mom, that was… totally different."

"You may have stopped loving her, but she was…"

Emily stood up and raised a finger. "I never stopped loving her." She was surprised at how defensive she still was about that fact, all those years later. "I just..." Emily sighed and let her shoulders droop. "I couldn't trust her."

"Well," Pam said again, reaching out to beckon Emily back to the couch. When Emily sat down, Pam hugged her and held on. "Maybe she never stopped loving you either."

Emily back lurched upright. It was as if she had been kick-started by a bolt of electricity. The thoughts were flying so fast that she was struggling to keep up.

She had never stopped loving Paige. She hadn't been able to admit that at the time, because she was hurt and angry, and she felt betrayed. What if Paige it was the same with Paige? After all the times Emily rejected her and pushed her away, what if Paige hadn't lost love, but had simply lost faith? Emily shook her head in disbelief. All that time, she'd been trying to figure out how to get Paige to love her again, when what she really should have been doing was working on getting Paige to trust her again.

Spencer knew some people. She made a few calls and got Emily an interview with a firm in the Bay Area, not too far from where Paige lived. Emily's friends – and Pam – were sad to see her pick up and move to California, but they were happy to let her go. They knew that this was the best thing for her.