It was you, Emily. Only you.
Only you, Emily.
It was you.

Paige kept repeating the words over and over, and they tumbled into Emily's ears like some far-off Siren's song: Repetitive. Insistent. Hypnotic. Emily was whimpering helplessly, biting her finger in an attempt to muffle the sounds the she was making. And, still, the words kept coming out, in the soft rasp of Paige's voice, while Paige pumped in and out of her, in the same rhythm. Emily's toes curled together.

It was you, Emily. Only you.
Only you, Emily.
It was you.

Paige ran her fingers through her hair, her eyebrows curled in concern. She could tell from the whimpering and the pained expression on Emily's face that she was having a bad dream, but she didn't know what she could do about it. She had always heard that you should never wake someone who's having a nightmare. She'd never heard why, but she wasn't going to take any chances. Not when it came to Emily. Still, she had to do something. Emily was obviously in distress. Her body had crumpled in on itself, in an almost fetal position, and she was whimpering in her sleep. Paige put her hand on Emily's bottom and rubbed it gently, hoping that, somehow, whatever was dollhouse-like scenario was playing out in the dream, Emily would, at least, know that she wasn't alone.

That touch sent Emily over the edge. Her body spasmed up in to a sitting position and she let out a ghastly yell. She held her hand to her chest, panting hard. It took her a second to realize where she was.

It was a fucking dream!

"Emily?" Paige said tentatively.

Emily looked over her shoulder at Paige, horrified at what she must have seen her doing, and what she must have thought of her. She turned away from, hiding her face in her hands. She couldn't help crying.

Paige rubbed her back comfortingly. "It's okay, Em," she whispered soothingly. "It was just a bad dream. It wasn't real. You're safe."

Emily pulled her hands away from her face for a second as she processed what Paige was saying. Paige didn't know that it was a sex dream. She thought it was a nightmare. Emily was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. It was bad enough that she had been so selfish as to pleasure herself while she was lying in bed with girlfriend, but, on top of that, she had actually made Paige worry about her. She started crying even harder.

Paige tugged on Emily's shoulder, to get her to roll over into her strong arms. As Emily turned, Paige noticed how flushed her chest was, peeking out from the scooped neck of her nightshirt. It must have been terrifying, she thought. She bit her lip as she pulled Emily in close. Emily tucked her arms against her chest and let Paige envelope her. It felt so good to be loved and safe, in the arms of the woman she'd do anything for.

But she couldn't lie to Paige.

She pushed away slightly and started to fiddle with her fingers. "Paige," she said haltingly, "it… It wasn't a nightmare. It was a…" Emily stole a glance at Paige and then looked away in shame.

Paige inhaled sharply. "Oh!" she said, once she figured out what Emily meant, trying to hide her surprise. She repeated "oh," once more, softly, when the next thought occurred to her.

There was only one reason for Emily to be so ashamed about having a sex dream.

Paige wasn't hurt by the fact that Emily had had the dream. She knew that Emily loved her. Still, she looked away before she responded. If there was even a hint of anything that could have been interpreted as disappointment or jealousy on her face, she didn't want Emily to see it. She swallowed hard, but her voice was unshaking. "Well," she said, "we can't control where our subconscious mind goes. If you had a dream about… her." Paige swallowed. "I… I know it doesn't mean…"

Emily dropped her hand on Paige's chest to get her to stop talking. "Paige," she said sharply, "I wasn't dreaming about her. I was dreaming about you." She exhaled audibly. "You were telling me what you told me that time – that it was me, only me, and I…" This time, it was Emily who looked away, too ashamed to finish the thought. In trying to be honest, she had gone too far and overshared. Paige didn't need to know that she was so needy – working herself up into a sexual frenzy over those words that Paige had probably even forgotten having said.

Strong women like Paige get bored with needy women. Emily knew that firsthand. It had been the reason that Paige had never taken her back for all those years.

Emily stole a glance up at Paige's face, hoping to read some positive sign there. Paige's mouth had fallen open. "Shit, Emily," she whispered. She held her tight, not realizing that the force of the hug was hurting Emily's shoulders. Emily let out a moan of contentment. Paige closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears inside.

In the six months that they had been back together, there was never any doubt that Emily loved her. But Paige had forgotten what it felt like when Emily really loved her, the way she did back in Rosewood, before the whole world got turned on its head.

Paige was too lost in these thought to realize that Emily had maneuvered her onto her back. Emily was about to make her dream come true – but, this time, for Paige.

In the peaceful, quiet aftermath of that night, Paige and Emily just lay there, not really talking, but not wanting to go to sleep. As sort of a reflex, Paige reached for her phone, sliding her thumb in a pattern to unlock it. It was only when she heard Emily behind her, giggling slightly, that she realized what she had done.

"I'm sorry," she said, crinkling her nose. "That was really rude of me, wasn't it?"

"No!" Emily insisted, putting her hand on Paige's elbow as Paige plugged the phone back into its charger on the nightstand. She giggled again, in her throat. "I was actually just thinking about how cool it was that we can just be – present – with each other, you know? Like, not having to talk or do anything. Just being here, being us, is enough."

Paige turned onto her side so that she was facing Emily. "I don't mind talking if you feel like talking, Em."

"No – well, yes, I do like talking, but..." Emily exhaled, frustrated at not being able to say what she was trying to say. "I like that we don't have to. You know what I mean?"

Paige, who had been nodding along as Emily spoke, trying to follow along, abruptly shook her head at the question. "No? – I mean – I guess?"

Emily looked at Paige with a side-eye. She was about to talk about her ex, and she hated doing that with Paige. "With Abby," (she paused to clear her throat) "we always had to be talking. And she was always talking about why we never talked." Emily rolled her eyes. "She used to get jealous of the cats, because she claimed that I spent more time talking to them more than I did to her. And then she'd throw out these little micro-aggressions, like that she was going to change her name to Alexa, because at least, then, she'd get to hear me say her name from time to time."

Paige didn't know quite what to say. "But… we're.. talking… now, right?"

Emily slapped Paige playfully. "I know. And I love when we talk. But I love that we don't have to, right?"

"Right…"

There followed a few seconds of unplanned silence, and they both laughed simultaneously. "I don't know," Emily said. "I was honestly just enjoying the moment."

Paige kissed her on the forehead and Emily smiled, contentedly. "I was, too," Paige assured her. After another unplanned silence, Paige, trying to be helpful, asked, "Do you want to watch something?"

Emily smiled. "No."

"Are you tired?"

She shook her head

"Do you want something to eat?"

Emily shrugged. "Maybe in a little while." She kissed Paige's lips before Paige could open her mouth with another suggestion, and then she nestled into Paige's arms. She kissed Paige on the shoulder and looked up with a smile, which Paige returned. Paige understood. This is good, she thought.

Six months. It didn't feel like that long, although they had made up for a lot of lost time during that half-year. They had grown closer together; stronger, certainly, than they had ever been before. Never before had they both been in a place where they could both be so honest and vulnerable with each other. In high school, Paige was always guarded; always carrying around that nagging fear that she would cross some invisible line and ruin things. When Emily first moved to California, those roles were reversed. But, somehow, in that six months, they had settled into a place where they could just be themselves with each other.

But it wasn't all cuddles and spontaneous, middle-of-the-night sex.

"I'm not lost, Paige! Don't treat me like a child – I know how to drive!"

"I didn't say you were lost, Emily. I just said that, if we'd left on time, it wouldn't matter that you'd missed that turn."

"Yeah, well, maybe if you could shut up for two seconds about how I'm always late, I would've been able to hear the GPS, and I wouldn't have missed that turn!"

Paige threw her hands up in frustration. "God! Pull over, Emily!"

"What?"

"Pull over!"

"I'm not an idiot, Paige! You're not going to take over the driving just 'cause you think I'm incompetent!"

"Em, pull over!" Paige was being as even-toned as she could manage. "It's not safe for you to drive when you're this upset!"

Emily groaned out loud and smashed her hand down on the steering wheel. As angry as she was, though, she knew that Paige was right. She pulled the car over, still steaming. "All right," she spat, turning away from Paige to undo her seat belt. "Let's see how well you can…" When she turned back around, she saw that Paige was laughing. "You're laughing?"

Paige did her best to control her expression, like a child who'd just gotten caught clowning around by the teacher. She shrugged her shoulder slightly.

"So, this is funny to you?"

"A little, yeah," Paige admitted sheepishly.

Emily raised her hands and grunted, in equal parts frustration and anger. "Well, maybe you can tell me what the fuck is so funny about it."

Paige managed to wipe the smile off of her face. "Not funny, no," she said, shaking her head guiltily. "More like… Well, it's just – I mean – you're angry at me."

"Yeah," Emily scoffed at what was probably most obvious thing that Paige had ever said. "I'm angry at you."

"Yeah. I mean – you're really angry!"

Emily shook her head and hands impatiently, prompting Paige to get to the punchline.

"Well, it's just… you've never allowed yourself to be angry at me since we got back together. It's as if – I don't know – now, you finally feel secure enough in our relationship that you can actually be angry at me."

Emily took a second to process what Paige had said, and then snorted out a single laugh, despite herself. She nodded, her head slightly tilted. "I was really angry with you," she admitted.

"I'm sorry."

Emily leaned across the center console for a kiss. "I'm sorry," she said, her hand lingering on Paige's cheek. "Can we start over?"

"That sounds great," Paige said, returning Emily's kiss. "I'm sorry, too." She took Emily's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "But, now, we're really late." Emily playfully slapped her on the thigh before she redid her seat belt and got back on the road.

"Paige? I'm home!"

"In here!" Paige called from the living room, not bothering to get up. Emily found her on the couch, staring intently at the TV.

"Criminal Minds?" Paige nodded. Emily could see from the way that Paige was scrunched into herself that she was cold, but too focused on the TV to turn get up and turn on the fireplace. She shook her head with a knowing smile and walked over to the closet to grab a blanket.

When Paige realized what Emily was doing, she rolled over onto her back. Her legs were wiggling involuntarily, and she had a huge smile on her face. Emily was smiling, too. She moved her index finger in a rough outline of the couch, drawing a circle around Paige's movements. "What's this?" she asked, knowing full well what it was.

"You're tucking me in like a baby," Paige said, in a contented, raspy voice.

"You are a baby," Emily said, leaning over the back of the couch to tuck the blanket under Paige and stroking her hair before she planted a kiss on her forehead.

"My Dad used to tuck me in like this," she said, in a rare, sweet moment of reminiscence of Nick McCullers. It didn't last long. "You know. Before I became a disgrace and abomination."

"Oh, Paige!" Emily's brow furrowed in concern.

"It's okay," Paige said unconvincingly, adding, "I'm just kidding."

Emily lay down next to Paige on the couch. Paige wiggled an arm free, just enough to spread the blanket over Emily. With her other arm, she paused the TV. "It's really not okay, though, is it?" Emily soothingly stroked Paige's stomach. "No one should have to go through that."

"I'm fine," Paige pleaded. She really didn't want to talk about it, and she wished she hadn't opened that door. "It made me the woman I am today."

Emily rolled her eyes without realizing it. "You would have grown into a perfectly fine woman even with the support of loving parents." Her tone was half sarcastic. She didn't want to hate Paige's family, but it was hard not to.

"My Dad never wanted a girl," Paige said softly. "He had always been this big jock, and he wanted a son who could carry on his legacy and achieve all the goals he never did. But, he was stuck with me, and my Mom couldn't have any more kids." Paige took a deep breath. "I mean, he did love me. And he was proud of my success at swimming, I guess. Even if it wasn't football."

Emily rested her hand on Paige's stomach and kissed her on the neck. She'd gotten bits and pieces of this story before, but there was something in Paige's voice that told her that, that night, she wanted to get it all out. As hard as it was for Emily to keep herself from jumping in and trying to console Paige, she knew that what Paige really needed was the space to speak freely.

"When I first started to have feelings for gir… well, feelings for you," Paige said, her tone subdued, "I kind of dismissed them as, I don't know, me subconsciously trying to be what my Dad wanted me to be, you know? Like, as if my mind were trying to convince me that, if I liked girls, then that would make me somehow more like the boy that my Dad always wanted. That I wasn't gay, but I was just trying to find a way make my Dad happy. I could get him the pretty, star-athlete daughter-in-law and make his dreams come true" Paige scoffed. "It sounds so stupid when I say it."

"No," Emily protested. "A child should never have to fight for her parents' approval like that."

"I know," Paige half-whined, "but…"

"And it's hard enough to admit to yourself that you're gay at that age." Emily raised up on one elbow, so that she could look Paige in the eye. "Believe me – I know. So, yeah, no wonder your teenage mind would try to explain it away."

"Yeah. I'm sorry – I know you had a rough time coming out, too."

"Paige," Emily pleaded, squeezing Paige's arm, "don't try to avoid dealing with this by changing the subject to me." She leaned in towards Paige's face and raised her eyebrows. "You always want to take care of me, but you never want me to take care of you."

"I know," Paige said weakly. "I just… can we just… can we just hold each other tonight? I don't want to think about Nick McCullers. I just want to lie here on the couch and be with with my girl tonight."

Emily snuggled closer to Paige and moaned contentedly. "That's all I want to do, too."

A/N - Thanks so much to the two of you who are still supporting this story, even though I suck at updating it (in frequency, quality and quantity of updates). :(

And, no, the title isn't a sly joke about how long it's been since I've updated, although I will admit that it's been so long that I'd forgotten how to upload a new chapter.

Thank you - sincerely: Thank you - for sticking with this story. You deserve more. I can only promise to try to do better.