So... this chapter has been what, three months coming? Oops.

In all honesty, life got in the way, and then left me majorly uninspired and unable to write a simple sentence. Since I last updated, I've graduated high school and gone literally straight into a full time, six day a week job and what little time I have had to write I've spent looking blankly at the computer screen coming up with a fat load of nothing.

But! On the bright side, I've settled to try to commit to writing as much as I can on Thursdays, will hopefully be able to get at the very very least a chapter a month up. That sounds small, but I just don't want to promise to update then not deliver. So, I will d my best when it comes to writing, but it does largely depend on the level of writers block that I have at the time. Oh, the drama.

But now, on with the story. This chapter is mostly fluffy angst, and at this stage either the next chapter on the one after will see our boys finally pull their heads out of their respective asses and realise what we already know. So look forward to that my lovelies.

Chapter Eleven

JPOV

Much to Edward's delight he was released from hospital a week early under Carlisle's watch and on the basis that he be bedridden for another week. Although he was happy to be home, Edward was less then happy to be stuck in his room. Well, maybe 'less than happy' was an understatement.

"So help me kid, if you touch that book I will end you." Alice froze mid-step on her way out the door of Edward's room.

"Jazz! You said he was asleep!" She shot me a glare, and returned the book to its place on the shelf.

"I thought he was!"

Alice had made a game of sneaking into Edward's room while he was bedridden and taking the things he wouldn't allow her to borrow. As far as I knew she had been doing this for years when he wasn't home, it was just more of a challenge now that Edward was always in his room. Times like this make me glad that I don't live in the same house as Alice Cullen.

Edward shot me a similar glare for conspiring against him, before throwing his pillow back over his face where it had been when Alice came in. Seizing her opportunity, Alice grabbed the book from the shelf and skipped out of the room. Trying to contain the laugh at the fact that Alice had this whole family wrapped around her finger, I got up to close the door, knowing that Edward would just use it being open as one more thing to complain about.

During the last week since being out of the hospital, Edward's state had improved greatly, though he still spent a lot of his time sleeping, with the only time he was allowed to stand was to use the bathroom. Although it was a short couple of meters to the next room, I knew that it tired him out a bit more than the proud bastard would ever admit.

Despite his lack of energy, that wasn't the issue right now. No, he was sulking. Yesterday, Carlisle had told him no when he had asked to go upstairs to play his piano, and now he was still in a residual bad mood. From my place on the couch, I could see the slight movement of his fingers against the bedding as if it were the keys.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt that I knew Edward would chastise me for if I even mentioned that it were my fault he was in this situation. The day after his accident I had gone straight from school to the hospital to visit him, after getting a text from Alice saying he had woken up. I had wanted to go as soon as I got the message, getting as far as the parking lot before getting yet another message saying that Esme would personally drag me back if I left school early. When I did get to the hospital, Edward and I finally got to talk in private after his mother had convinced Alice to leave the room. He admitted that he had been on his way to check on me, and I in turn had admitted that I had purposely not gone to him when things had gotten bad.

Despite the truths that had come out during that conversation, there was no way in hell I was going to tell Edward about the cutting. That was the one thing I couldn't, under any circumstance, allow him to know, because I knew that it would hurt him in the same way that it had hurt my sister, and I wanted to minimize my damage where I could.

Over the last two weeks since his accident, things had changed between Edward and I - or rather, I think I had changed. Seeing him in the hospital bed was like seeing one of my biggest fears laid out in front of me. I guess I had always seen Edward as the invincible one, the one of us that didn't need to be picked up and dusted off, but now our roles had been partially reversed. Whereas he was usually looking after me, though admittedly it was more often than not him stopping the world from falling apart around me, now I was the one that could dote on him. Edward had told me probably over a dozen times now that I didn't have to get him water, or adjust his pillows, but to be honest; I kind of loved doing it. Not once did it bother me to help him sit up, or get him a book from across the room. It was the least I could do, considering everything he had ever done for me.

"Jazz?"

"Hmm?" I perched the pencil I had been sketching absently with behind my ear as Edward's voice broke me out of my musings. Looking up I saw him peaking at me from under the side of the white pillow, his copper hair contrasting against the starkness.

"Whatcha drawing?"

"Oh, um, it's nothin'…" I closed my sketchbook and tucked it between my leg and the chair, trying my best not to look too suss. Evidently, it didn't work.

"Please? You never show me your drawings, and I know you're good. C'mon, show me?" Edward gave me his best puppy-dog eyes and, as usual, I gave in to his request and passed him the book.

This had the potential to be embarrassing. I held my breath and tried to gauge his reaction as he flipped through the pages. Luckily for me, it was a relatively new sketchbook that only had half a dozen or so pages worth of musings, so it didn't take Edward long to get through them. Just when I thought he was done, he turned the book back and started over again. The expression on his face was impossible to read, and it was killing me not knowing what he was thinking, not because I was overly concerned about what he thought about my drawing ability, no

All the drawings were of him.

Scattered through the pages were various different detailed sketches of my best friend, varying from him laying in bed playing video games, to a page dedicated to his hands; hands that had captivated my attention on a rainy day as I sat with Edward as he rested.

"Jasper, these are… well, they're me, but I mean- wow."

I forced my self to take a breath and look at him. "'Wow', good? Or 'wow' you're a creep and need to get out of my bedroom?"

"'Wow' good, of course. I didn't realise you were this good" He set the book down, still open, in his lap and gave me a grin, "Captivated by my brilliant good looks, aye Whitlock?"

"Oh get over yourself Cullen, I've been cooped up in this room with you for a week, I've had nothing else to draw, jackass."

A large part of me was relieved that he hadn't questioned why the fuck I had a sketchbook full of his image. Truth was, though I had been in this room with Edward as much as I could manage between school and dropping in at home to see Emmett off on yet another work trip, the reason I had been drawing Edward's image was because it was his face that was on my mind. When Charlotte had told me to draw what I felt, this was the closest thing I could come up with. I don't know if it was because of all that had happened, coupled with the fear that I could've potentially lost him, but I couldn't get him off my mind.

Edward's face grew suddenly somber and he started to flip through the pages again. "You don't have to stay, if you don't want to… You must be bored out of your mind."

There was a certain vulnerability in his voice, one that I had never heard before, "Ed, don't be ridiculous. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be. I enjoy your company, ya idiot."

"I know, but you've been here the whole time since I got home, and before that you were always at the hospital… I don't want you to feel like you have to stay 'cause of any guilt you might be feeling. I know you are prone to blaming yourself for shit, and I don't want you to do this here, okay?"

"I'll keep that in mind. Can I have my book back?" My answer was non-committal and I hoped he didn't pick up on it. Instead of calling me out, he just shook his head no, before a smirk appeared on his face, effectively ending whatever it was that just happened. "Ass."

"You love me. Why else would you have a sketchbook full of my face?"

~ bfoso ~

EPOV

I'm pretty sure I'm imagining things. Maybe that blow to the head was more serious than Dad thought – I mean, it sure hurt enough. Or maybe it was just the painkillers making my brain loopy, because there was absolutely, zero percent, snowflakes chance in hell that Jasper My-Straight-Best-Friend Whitlock was currently in the shower with me. Nope, definitely drug-induced…

Felt real though. Really real.

Today was the first day since getting out of the hospital that I had been allowed to stand for any amount of time, and I had convinced my loving, but somewhat overbearing mother to let me take a much needed shower. Undignified 'sponge baths' with a wet cloth could only go so far before a guy had to say enough.

So there we were, in the shower, Jasper and I. Not naked, I might add- much to my internal disappointment. I was keeping what little dignity I had left intact by showering in my boxers, while Jasper stood just out of the spray with a steadying hand on my shoulder, wearing only his boxers and a t-shirt. I really wish he had taken the shirt off, but I hadn't expected it. Whereas I fancied myself a bit of an attention seeker, often sporting as little clothes as I could get away with, Jasper rarely ever showed his bare chest, and definitely not in public. I knew it was because of his scars, though he didn't like to talk about it. He made sure no one ever saw them, because that would just lead to questions he couldn't answer.

"You okay there Edward?" Jasper's grip on my shoulder tightened slightly to right me as my body swayed a little.

"Uh, yeah, fine. Just got distracted. Sorry."

Jasper had been quick to satiate my mother about the risk of me falling and injuring myself by offering to stand in the shower with me and help me if I needed it. I almost wanted to read too much into his offer, only stopping myself when I remembered just how much he was willing to help me when I needed something lately. Every time I so much as thought about needing something, Jasper was at my side willing to get or do whatever it was. I would've found it overbearing and annoying if it weren't for the fact that he just looked so damn cute when he was concerned.

Shower time with Edward and Jasper had been going surprisingly fine, him passing me soap and what-not so I could concentrate on standing upright, that was until I decided to be a big boy and take a step to reach for the shampoo. What was supposed to be a moment of triumph quickly turned into failure as I managed to lose balance and slip during that one tiny step, falling face first toward the shower wall. Luckily for me, Jasper had been standing against the wall and was quick to catch me by the shoulders before I put myself straight back into hospital.

"Shit, Edward, you okay?" My breath hitched as I turned to look up at his face. Jasper had both arms wrapped around my torso and my hands were rested against his chest for balance, with our bodies pressed together under the spray of the shower. I could feel my heart rate speed up as he looked at me with pure concern and affection in his eyes, and I prayed to whoever might be listening that he couldn't feel it. I felt like a lovesick idiot standing there, unable to form a coherent response, every fiber of my being aching to reach up and pull his lips to mine and-

Stop it, Edward. This can't happen, he's your friend, and you can't risk that.

"Uh, y-yeah, sorry." I took a deep breath and pushed myself off his chest and stood upright.

"You sure? I think you should go lie back down, you're looking a bit pale." Jasper still hadn't taken his hands off my body and I had to force myself not to react to the sensation of his hands on my bare skin, his touch mindful of my injuries.

"Yeah, yeah that's probably a good idea."

Jasper helped me out of the shower with little incident and left me to change into dry sweats in my room while he took a shower of his own. Lying on my bed listening to the sounds of the water in the next room, I couldn't forget the feeling of his arms around me, and the warmth it ignited throughout my body. It was a feeling that I longed for on a daily basis, as well as making me want to cry due to the unfairness of it all. I threw my arms out beside me on the bed in frustration, then winced as my knuckles hit against something solid.

Jasper's sketchbook - the one filled with pages upon pages of me.

I honestly didn't know what to make of this discovery. He had been hesitant when I had asked to look at his drawings this afternoon, but I figured that had just been self-consciousness over his drawing ability. Every cell in my body was screaming at me to read into this as proof of some reciprocal feeling Jasper may have, but that was a dangerous road to start down. His affection was merely concern, or natural instinct due to his caring nature. Or even more likely, guilt. I knew he felt guilty over the fact that he was the reason I had been on the road that night; hell, he had told me that straight out. That was the reason that I hadn't questioned him about what his message had said, since my phone had been broken in the crash. Jasper would never forgive himself if he knew I had been distracted by my phone, despite the fact that it was my own idiotic fault that I had.

My thoughts were interrupted by Jasper emerging from the bathroom, his hair damp and his curls sticking haphazardly around his head. Oh sweet Jesus he's adorable. Someone help me. Even in a loose shirt and boxer shorts he was an incredible sight to behold. The way he was looking at me set my whole being on edge, the devotion in his eyes was clear and more than I could handle, making me question why I ever thought that he had an ulterior motive for looking after me, other than the fact that he was just a good person down to the core. I wanted more than anything just to stand up and pull him to me, just to feel his body against mine, to believe that just for one moment I could have what it was that I craved. It wasn't even a sexual thing, I just wanted- no, needed him. I needed to be able to look at him unabashedly, to be able to appreciate every part of him. I needed to not have to watch what I said around him, in fear that I would give myself away. But more than that, I needed him to feel that too, to sit back and be looked after, rather than putting himself aside for the need of those he cared about. I wanted to show him how good it could be, to feel unadulterated love from someone. From me.

"You sure you're okay Edward? You didn't hurt anything when you fell?" Jasper took a seat on the end of my bed and I felt like crying. Matter of fact, I could feel the pin pricks in the back of eyes and I cursed myself for thinking about what I couldn't have. As I sat up I ran my hands over my face and tried to get things under control, because this was ridiculous.

"Shit, Ed, are you alright?" Before I could register that he had moved, the bed dipped beside me and I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm fine." I wiped any evidence of tears from my eyes and turned to give him the most reassuring look I could muster.

"Fuck, so this is what that feels like…"

"Huh?" His statement caught me off guard and I looked at him in confusion as he sat back next to me and lent against the headboard. "What what feels like?"

"When you ask me if I'm okay and I say that I am, when you know that I'm not. I'm sorry, I didn't realise what that felt like to be on the other side of it." He furrowed his brow and sat forward. "I guess I don't have much experience in being the one doing the comforting, seeing as you usually manage to keep your shit together more than I do," a small rueful smile crossed his features, "so I'm just going to do what you usually do. Just lie down okay?"

Although I was confused by what he meant, I followed his wishes and carefully scooted down the bed in order to lie down. Jasper soon followed, and as he settled next to me I felt him pull me into a gentle embrace, careful not to hurt my still healing body. I couldn't help but turn my body and settle into his arms, and ended up resting my head against his chest. I was the most content, yet troubled I had ever felt in my life, as I lay there listening to the gentle beat of his heart. I felt his lips brush my hair and at that point I couldn't hold back the emotions that were ready to burst out from inside me, and I let the tears flow freely down my face and catch on the front of Jasper's t-shirt.

"It's going to be okay darlin'." Those six words over and over whispered into my hair were last things I heard before falling asleep, wrapped in an embrace that I would sell my soul for it to mean more than I knew it did.

_

I would very much like to hear from those of you who haven't given up on this story about what you think of Edward's current situation. xx