Dobby and Ed's Great Adventure
This story arose from a joint effort between Apprentice Tom and Old Crow. Old Crow wrote Changing the Balance of Power and invited me to provide some levity with Dobby and Ed trading things so some of this will be familiar. Not everything makes it into a story. There is a lot of new content and some is in a different order than when it first appeared.
Summary
Harry has to get rid of sand. Lots of sand. Harry tells Dobby he can have it. Dobby see's an opportunity. His friend Ed offers to help and the two are off on a worldwide whirlwind tour trading for anything and everything that suits their fancy. Along the way they meet interesting people and collect all kinds of toys and luxury items for the house, lake and future trading. Along the way they do a few good deeds while acquiring toys for the lake at Harry's house.
Book compliance – Takes place in JKR world of magic beginning about two years after the events at the end of the Triwizard Tournament.
Disclaimer - JKR's sandbox, not mine. I wish, right? I'm grateful she allows fan fiction to flourish in her incredible world she created. We had a blast pushing some of the piles around a bit and rearranging them. I'm ecstatic that anyone would spend their time reading our twisted thoughts.
Wizarding etiquette – This and most fanfiction stories are written strictly on a hobby basis. I make no claim that these chapters are error free. If you enjoy our little stories and are willing to accept the quality level, please read on and leave a review every few chapters. If you don't care for the story concept, pairings, story arcs, content, or style, just walk away. I don't want to hear that you don't like the way that I write my stories. We're volunteering our time for your enjoyment. Leave a note so we can show Mrs. Crow or Mrs. Tom that someone is actually reading our little stories.
Chapter 1
Trading Sand
Prologue:
"Dobby,"
"Yes, Master Lucius, how may I serve?"
"Another one of my prize Peahens have disappeared. This is the third one this month. Have you seen any predators lurking around the grounds?"
Dobby stroked his ears and looked at the floor fearfully. He thought the only predators he'd seen about the manor were those wearing the dark mark on their forearms but decided to say, "No Master Lucius. It is a shame the house lost another one as they are very valuable."
Lucius kicked him, sending him flying across the room, bouncing him off the far wall. "Of course, get out of my sight, and keep your eyes open."
"Yes, Master," answered Dobby as he popped away.
'Stupid fool,' thought Dobby. He remembered the orders from his master last month vividly.
"Go to the market and restock the pantry and larders," instructed Lucius Malfoy as he tossed a list and small bag of Galleons in the direction of his abused elf.
Picking up and hefting the bag in one hand he answered: "Master this is not nearly enough for what you order," with a questioning voice?
"Make it work Dobby or I'll have you iron your ears again, you little vermin. Haggle, buy, steal, threaten or trade I don't care what you do to get it but you just do it with what I gave you!"
'Trade he said, Elves can trade goodly, Peahens worth much, much, and I hate the eff'ing things, always trying to peck me,' thought Dobby. He smiled wickedly. He would do what he was directed to, TRADE!
o0o0o0o
"Ed have you finished packing my bag?"
"Of course, Master Reggie, you's is good to go. Why is you's leaving?"
"I'm the seventh son Ed. There is nothing here for me. My oldest brother will inherit everything. And as you know Georgie and I don't get along. I want to see the world! Travel. So, I'm joining her majesty's navy. Do you want to come with me? I'm sure that I can put your trading talents to work."
"When do we leave?"
o0o0o0o
Excerpt from Chapter 13 from Old Crow's Changing the Balance of Power.
"He (Harry) had several other things on his mind – the ever-growing piles of sand, the heat, money, the moon and his commitment to finish the project in four weeks. It was time to call Rashad.
After five minutes of pleasantries, Harry got down to his question. "What would you like done with the sand?"
Rashad stated, "I have no use for it."
"We'll get rid of it for you. We're on schedule and will be starting on the excavation of lake 5 tomorrow."
"Excellent. What else is on your mind?"
"Little of consequence. One of the lakes needed to be made deeper than the others. The bedrock on lake 3 was found at 110 feet." He explained their decision to step the blocks for additional strength.
"That was a wise decision. Excellent."
Harry concluded the call, saying, "I will call you again in 10 days. Thank you."
Dobby and Winky had been in the dining room at the time, listening to every word, as usual. Dobby asked, "What does client man want elves to do with sandy piles?"
"He told me that he doesn't want the sand and wanted us to get rid of it."
Dobby had never owned a mountain of sand before. For an elf, that represented serious trading capitol."
o0o0o0o
It begins.
Dobby was sitting on a branch in the big Elm tree on Harry's land overlooking the lake that Harry had built as a trial for his lake building business and idly swinging his legs back and forth.
"What are you doing daydreaming up there, Dobby?"
"Me be thinking, not daydreaming Winky."
"Don't hurt yourself," she grinned.
"You spend too much time around Emma and Goblin healer May Song. I be thinking about how nice Mr. Harry Potter Sir has been. He lets us live on his land. He lets us plant what we want. He gives us all that sand we been trading for trees, bushes and berries. We have made a fortune in coins helping make lakes. We should do something nice for him."
"Like maybe taking all the rocks away and building a nice beach next to the lake?"
"That will do for a start. He'd need a few toys for the beach too. I needs to think about it some more."
"You should think about Missy Hannah's beach too at Folkstone. Too many rocks. The little ones hurt their feet and can't build sandcastles when we visit. "
"Oh! Be right back." Dobby popped away and returned less than thirty seconds later.
"Look at this Winky." Dobby held out a National Geographic Magazine. "Page 49. Bermuda. Look at the pictures. They have pink sandy beach! Look at page 53. Wakiki beach. All the nice little huts and benches. Look at page 59. Barrier Island, Cape Codfishes. See the cranberry bushes!"
"We need to make more trades!"
Ed the unicorn whisperer popped in. "Ed goes with Dobby. I know where pink sand is found. And many other places to find interesting things."
"How does old Ed know all these places with nice beaches and places to find stuff," asked Dobby?
"Ed was bonded to crazy wizard for many years. Wizard had wanderlust. Master Reggie Bacon joined the Navy to see the world! So, I went with him. We sailed all over the world, the South Seas. Oh, such wonderful memories. "Why is Dobby so excited over big pile of sand?"
"Harry Potter is most generous to elves. Lake client no want sand. Harry gives to Elves. Sand very valuable. Elves get rich."
Winky tilted her head in confusion. She had never thought much about sand. "I don't understand Dobby. Sand makes big mess. Sand is useless. Gets everywhere?"
"No muggles use sand everywhere. They make rocks called concrete from it, bricks, glass we see thru and use to drink from, make roads safe to drive on when it snows, uses it in water filters, mixes with asphalt to make roads, even Hoggy Warts Express uses it to help wheels stop. Crafty muggles use it to make many things even tools used in medicine. Smelters make sand molds and pour melted metal into them to make things. Dobby knows all about sand. Dobby read book that Mistress Hermione left on a table one night."
o0o0o0o
Emerald Isle, North Carolina town hall department of public works.
"Joe, I know you are the Director of public works, and we joke about being a miracle worker but how did you fix the beach in one weekend? The beach looks fabulous."
"I made a trade. Five thousand assorted tree and bush seedlings of cranberry, blueberry, blackberry, apple, peach, pear and apricot for all the sand to replenish the beach."
"I know the beach took a beating with the last big storm and I know the town council is talking about sand replenishment, but we don't have the funds for a project that size."
"I had the money in the budget. The seedlings only cost me $6,250. I ordered them from the Arbor Day Foundation. Shipped over night. I had money left in the landscaping and trash removal budget. The storm also took that big pile of stuff we had to get rid of out to sea."
"Who did you do this with and how did they get it to the beach? We're on a freaking island."
"Two very short funny looking guys with long ears wearing Italian suits and black fedora's. I swear they looked like some sort of Star Trek people, like a short Romulan or something. But they assured me that they could do the job and that it would be done last Saturday night between 1:00 a.m. and Sunday morning."
"Did you pay them already?"
"Yes, they said they'd collect the day after they finished. You just missed them. I told them they could take all the old wooden beach loungers too if they could get it done when they said."
o0o0o0o
San Diego Zoo
"A Mr. Dobby and Mr. Ed to see you, Harold."
"I have no appointments today. Why are you letting them in Gina?"
Oh, first off, Ed's quite the charmer, but they are two unique individuals. Claim they can help you with the building project for the Elephant enclosure and the Safari Park."
"What do you mean, help me?"
"They claim to have sand, lots and lots of sand. Can deliver, calls themselves miracle workers!"
"OK, Gina, I trust you, send them in."
Harold looked at the two men. "Hey I like your suits. I've got the same style Fedora! "
"We's heard you need a bit of sand to build the new elephant habitat and the Safari Park. We got sand to spare and more coming in every day!"
"Yes; I've got requests for pricing out now on the sand. How much?"
Dobby and Ed looked at each other. Ed spoke: "We's prefer to do a trade, no cash. We know you need about 150 thousand tons of sand with five percent clay in it. We can deliver it all two days from now. Here is a sample," as he handed over a plastic bag filled with the mix.
"Wow, this sure looks like the spec we put out. So, what you want for the sand?"
Ed's ears perked up a bit. "We's want twenty tons of your special mix herbivore feed you get from the big aminal feed company. We deliver the sand and when done we take away the feed. Put it on pallets in the parking lot."
Harold leaned bag in his chair with a thoughtful look. "Boys I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. It doesn't seem fair. I get a lot more value than you do from this deal."
"No, no you are wrong Mr. Harold. We's got a mountain of sand we's need to get rid of. We's already been paid for sand. Deal fell apart person no longer need or want sand. You help us by doing deal. We like animals, that's why we came here. You help us and we help you."
"Why the animal feed?"
"We got a friend who has an endangered animal preserve. He needs feed. We's donating it."
"Deal!"
"Deal!"
Outside Dobby looked at Ed. "Do we need that much food for the Unicorns?"
"Yes, herd is growing. We's got a dozen now and we's going have colts soon. We be finding Uni's here and there."
o0o0o0o
Five Season Hotel, Waikiki Beach Hawaii.
"Robert, the beach looks nice. Where did you get the extra sand to top dress the beach and how much did it cost us," asked the Hotel manager?
"I did a trade with a couple of guys. They did it all in one night," answered the maintenance manager who was blushing red.
"Just in one night? I didn't hear a thing. Quiet trucks and loaders. And A trade? What did you trade?"
"Well, yes I traded the left over 500 cases fresh pineapples from the sandcastle building contest for 500 tons white sand."
"Where did the Tiki Bar go."
"I was afraid you'd ask that. When we were dickering one of them pointed to the bar and asked if I'd throw in the little paper umbrellas. I told them to take what they wanted. I really didn't mean for them to take the bar. They also took Rita the animatronic hula dancer," he said red faced.
The manger just walked away shaking his head.
o0o0o0o
Cape Cod National Seashore.
Two men with hard hats and rolled up maps were standing among the dunes.
"We've had quite a bit of erosion Edward. We lost that last crop of dune grass we planted last summer. We need sand and grass."
"I know Johnny, but we don't have any money for a project this size this year."
Just then two very short strange looking men walked up wearing brightly colored Hawaiian shirts and white Italian silk suits.
"Did we hear you say you need sand and dune grass and needs to be planting it?"
"Yes, but we have no money to do the project and need to protect the barrier dunes from erosion."
"Do you's have anything you could trade? We can get much grass and plant it too. Enough to cover all the dunes from here to the bluff at end of beach."
Ed was rubbing his chin. "What are you looking for?"
"We understand that cranberries grow in Cape Cod?"
Johnny pipped up. "We got a few thousand left in the miscellaneous account. We could buy maybe ten thousand pounds of them."
"Can you be's getting the Cranberry Juice Cocktail too?"
"I'm sure we can do that. Let's go back to the shop and we'll show you the maps and were you have to do the planting."
Two weeks later Ed and Johnny were surveying the dunes. "I can't believe those two strange fellows got this all done and planted in one night. And the grass is thriving and spreading already. Maybe we can get them back next year for another trade?"
"Yes, but you know no one will ever believe this story."
o0o0o0o
"We's got to go to New Hampshire Dobby. I heard from the grapevine a children's summer camp on lake Winnie-the-poo-socky needs beach sand. Maybe we can trade?"
The strangely dressed men walked into the camp director's office after wandering around the camp looking at the installation. They spent a long time looking at the water craft and rummaging around the recreation hall.
"Do you have an appointment," asked a teenaged girl with a nose piercing and sunglasses?
"Nope but the director will see us. We's heard you needs lots of sand to fix up your camp beach. We's got sand and we's here to deal."
The teen stared silently while a middle-aged man wearing a Camp Woe Be Gone T-Shirt with a tag line that said: 'Where Families Camp for Fun!', came out of an office. "I'm Mr. Tripper, manager of the camp. Did I hear you have sand?"
We's got sand, we can deliver and spread it around nice, nice. Help with the rocks too. We's don't want money we's want to trade for stuff."
"Whata ya want?"
"Them old water toys. The boat rack, old canoes, old little row boats, life floaties, kayaks, paddles. The half sunk pedal boat. And finally, the gross of the child Hawaiian shirts that was in the recreation hall.
"Deal! When can you haul away the junk and bring the sand?"
"Tonight!"
o0o0o0o
"Dooby!"
"Yes Ed?"
I's just heard of an Asian Fusion restaurant closing for renovations in Florida. It's called the Pink Flamingo. We's got a chance for some neat stuff."
He grabbed Dobby's arm and they popped away.
The two appeared in the lobby of the restaurant. They walked up to a man looking at plans on a large folding table. Dobby spied a coconut shaped glass on the bar.
"We's heard you need some sand for the new beach motive you building here. We got sand. Want to trade?"
"What do you want?
"You going to use the flamingo decorations?"
"Nope."
"How about the coconut glasses?"
"Nope."
"Trade twenty tons of white sand for those things?"
"When?"
"Now do trade. We delivered sand and you let us take stuff now."
The man walked outside to see a huge pile of sand.
He back in to talk wand was amazed they were gone as well as the decorations and coconut glassed.
"Boys, you sure work fast;" said the man.
o0o0o0o
Bermuda Department of Public Works.
"I don't have the budget for it Sydney. I can't dredge Castle Harbor channel of the sand that was pushed ashore in the last five years of storms and pay for 500,000 tons of sand for all of the public works projects."
"Can't you use the dredge spoils?"
"No, it's the wrong type of sand, its full of corrosive salt and for the most part PINK from the broken up corals! We need clean sand for making concrete and for certain beach replenishments. I can't use the pink stuff because of all the ground up seashells and corals that give it the dam pink color. And I can't dump the sand out at sea anymore or the Greenies will be after me. I just don't know what I'm going to do?"
"Sir! We have a proposition for you," said two strange looking short men dressed in white Italian silk suits and Hawaiian shirts holding Fedoras in their hands.
"Who are you?"
"We be Dobby and Ed. I'm Dobby, he be Ed. We'd trade you your pink sand you dredge up for nice clean white building sand. All you need. Here's a sample of our sand."
"How would."
"Sorry to interrupt but you have a bocce court and volley ball court outside your windows."
"So, what about them?"
"They will be part of the deal."
"Again, how will you do this?"
"Let's just call it magic!"
o0o0o0o
Harry was sitting at the kitchen table trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes and inhaling the aroma of fresh brewed coffee trying to wake up but was having little success. He'd had a very late night, first out with the gang to an under 21 club dancing, then sitting around yapping with his friends till almost 3:00 a.m. in the living room. Too many beverages had been consumed. He didn't understand how Hermione could be so chipper in the morning.
It was turning out to be a typical uncomfortable three "H" midsummer day at Harry's home in Chesterfield, Massachusetts. It was Hazy, Hot and Humid. The temperature was already climbing into the high 80's F well on its way to 96 F degrees the TV weather lady had predicted. The air hung heavy with the relative humidity north of 85%. It would be a nice day to swim in his self-built lake.
Dan was standing on the rear deck of the house looking at the lake as he enjoyed his coffee and warm cinnamon buns. Too bad the coffee wasn't better he thought.
"Emma, you must see this. Come over here please."
Emma stepped out onto the deck. "That's incredible. And they did it all in one night."
Dan whistled a high pitched and long wolf whistle. It burrowed deep and painfully into Harry's head. "Nice beach you got there Harry. I won't ask where the white sand came from as that's obvious. But where the hell did Dobby find you a tiki hut bar with a sign that says Five Season Hotel Waikiki Beach?"
"What?" Harry staggered to his feet and stepped outside to stand next to Dan and Emma. Emma and Hermione were trying to hold in their laughter but were not very successful. Harry could not believe what he was seeing. The elves had made a beach along the lake shore facing the back of the house. It was about fifty feet in depth and about one hundred yards wide. Smack in the middle was the Tiki hut. On a rock pedestal was an attractive curvy fully automated animatronic women in a grass skirt, multiple flowered Lei's strategically placed to cover her chest, shifting her hips in a slow traditional hula dance, while holding a Ukulele and playing Tiny Bubbles by Don Ho!
"I really think the hula thing is a nice touch Harry," said Dan.
Harry face palmed. There were over one hundred lounge chairs in every bright fluorescent color in the rainbow. The loungers each had a floral cushion, no two alike, set in pairs with a little pink plastic table between them. Each table held a glass shaped and colored like a half coconut. They appeared to have a beverage in them with a multi-colored straw and a little paper umbrella sticking out the top of every glass. Each lounger had a golf umbrella clamped to the arm. Each chair had an Elf sunning themselves, wearing a tiny Hawaiian shirt with a wide brimmed straw hat and Foster Grant Mirrored Sunglasses. The tables had small bowls of cut pineapple chunks and cranberries that the elves were snacking on. Scattered about the beach in groups were about two hundred pink flamingo whirligigs with their wings gently spinning in the light breeze.
At the water's edge there was a group of about twenty elflings, supervised by a few adults, building an elaborate sandcastle. Just at the top of the beach was another older group of elflings painting lounge chairs to look like rainbows. Ed was speaking through a megaphone. Rember ROY-G-BIV kids. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green Blue, Indigo and Violet Stripes on the chairs.
"Oh! look Harry, they made a volleyball court too," said Hermione!
"Harry, look there is a little hut with canoes, little skiffs, a pedal boat and kayaks! Does that say Camp Woebegone on the side," asked Emma?
"Hey, did anyone notice the bocce court off to the side," asked Dean.
Hannah walked up to the group. "I just got off the phone with my mother. She said our beach changed. Somehow all the big rocks were removed, and the beach now has pink sand! This happened over night. Did you have anything to do with that Harry?"
"You really shouldn't make the elves work so hard Harry," said Hermione with a smirk.
"Dobby!"
o0o0o0o
"So you are telling me that you and Ed went all over the world trading sand to make this beach and put pink sand on Hannah's beach."
Dobby and Ed were bobbing their heads up and down, ears flapping.
"Yes Sir Mister Potter Sir!"
"Dobby, you didn't mention where you got the straw hats and sunglasses from."
Ed looked at Dobby whose face was getting very red. "Ed must be going I hear the Unicorns calling."
"Dobby, you look very guilty. Come fess up, where did you get them?"
Dobby tilted his head to the side. "Don't tell Winky."
"OK."
Dobby and Ed traded sand to a Elvin nudist colony in Floo-ida for hats and glasses. I didn't look much."
o0o0o0o
All the elves were in seated around the big tree that Dobby and Winky lived in on Harry Potters land.
"Now you all know that we made loads of coins for helping make the lakes in sand country. We even have a vault in Gringotts now. But you don't know that Harry's client did not want the sand we dug out. Told him to get rid of it. Harry gave it to us. This sand good for trading."
"Did he give all of it," asked Twinkles who had helped. "That's a big mountain pile!"
"Yes, I want you all to put the word out on the grape vines. Harry Potter Elves have sand and will travel. We want to trade!"
o0o0o0o
Dobby strutted into the little barn that housed the unicorn herd and found Ed feeding a newborn colt.
"Ed time to saddle up. We got a sales call to make."
"Where we trading this time, Dobby?"
"We's going to the AG Hammerberger Brickworks in Terni Italy. I got a tip from an Elf in Birmingham. His cousin works for someone in Pittsburgh USA who has a cousin in Terni. Big wildcat rail strike and the works will run out of sand to make bricks and will have to shut down."
A moment later Dobby and Ed were in the chief procurement officer's office of the Brick Works. Aldo looked at the two strange short men nattily dressed in white suits with dark fedora's pulled low over their heads.
"Ciao! Mi Chiamo Signor Dobby E` Ed! Signor Aldo Agento se tu per favore."
Dobby stumbled over his Italian and Aldo brushed it off. Speak English gentlemen, I do so. "What can I do for you today?"
"Because of the rail strike you need sand. We got sand. We can deliver tomorrow."
"How much?"
"All you need."
"What will it cost me?"
Dobby and Ed looked at each other. "5,000 kilos of assorted Italian produced dry macaroni, not the export stuff, domestic market only, and twelve kilos of dry aged Soppressata, half hot, half sweet," answered Dobby.
"Where do you want it delivered?"
"Here, we pick it up after we drop off the sand tomorrow night."
On the way out Ed asked Dobby: "Why the pasta and salami?"
"Possible trade for the salami in Versailles, and Harry makes a great baked pasta casserole. Yum."
o0o0o0o
Versailles France
Dobby and Ed walked into La Petite Chocolaterie in Versailles, a well know purveyor of fine chocolates.
"Bonne journée mon ami," called Dobby. "Parles-tu anglaise?"
"Oui, I do, what can I do for you gentlemen?"
"We are looking for chef Jean Chêne."
"What do you want? I'm busy," gruffly answered a man in an apron wiping his hands on a towel?"
"We want to trade. We heard you really like the dry aged salami from Terni Italy. We have twelve kilos. Are you interested?"
"How do you know that is my favorite?"
"Word gets around in the gourmet trade. Interested or not? We don't have all day. We hear, Marco at the Green Leaf Restaurant next street over is looking for the same for its appetizer menu. I can go there."
"Hot or sweet?"
"Both."
"How much?"
"No cash, trade. How about a chocolate and fruit dipped assortment, say equal weight, even up." Dobby then whipped out a Soppressata from his pocket and held it under Jean's nose and gently waved the aroma at him.
Jean inhaled deeply. "You drive a hard bargain. Deal, pick out what you want from the case."
o0o0o0o
Snob du vin collective, Burgandy France.
Monsieur Paysannerie, I be Monsieur Dobby, he Monsieur Ed.
Monsieur Paysannerie looked the two small men up and down. White Italian silk suits, Hawaiian shirts, black bandanas, black fedoras. A little nervously he asked: "I am a busy man what do you want?"
"We heard you are expanding the vineyards by 20,000 hectares and you need lots of sand to improve drainage. We are traders and we have sand."
"How much?"
"All the sand you want. We prefer barter to cash."
"I need 200,000 cubic meters of sand. Can you deliver such an amount?"
"Tomorrow, just tell us where you want it."
"I can give you 2500 cases of last year's vintage of our branded Vin Rouge Fait Maison?"
"Deal."
o0o0o0o
"Where are we going Ed?"
"This Dobby, is the Rue De Fromage, and we are going to Rebecca's crèmerie. They carry a Brie cheese from a village called Moulin-Merillac. The best in the world. My favorite. It is from the most pretty white faced cows. It is buttery. It has a light and smooth flavor, you eat it with a little bit of bread, a little bit of onion, then a sip of wine, ahh heaven. I'm sure you and the folks back at Harry's house will love it. And at the end of the street is a bakery. Very good baguette's. You can smell them baking from here. Let's go trade, take out your notebook, what do we have to spare to trade here? I don't think they want sand."
o0o0o0o
Ed led Dobby into the market on the waterfront of Cannes France. We's be looking for Françoise Sordide, he's a trader like us Dobby. Ah, there is his pushcart."
"Françoise!"
"Eddy, mon ami! It has been far too long. What do you seek?"
"Escargot in traditional recipe. The Blue Lable Can."
"Easy enough, it is the season and there is much escargot around. Everyone is selling it. I have the brand you want. How much do you want?"
"25 cases."
"What you got to trade?"
"Would you take five cases of Champagne, Brute Noveue bottled last fall."
"Sure."
"Deal."
o0o0o0o
Big Texas Stadium, Irving Texas
"I don't know how you got up here but Y'all cannot see Mr. Jones without an appointment," stated Mary Lou, the receptionist with a Texas drawl to the two men standing before her desk.
"We don't need no stinking appointment, I'm Ed and this is Dobby," said Ed as he handed her a bouquet of yellow roses. "Do you like Belgian chocolate miss? Someone who is as sweet and beautiful as you must appreciate fine chocolate," said Ed as he handed her a large box of assorted dark chocolate crème filled delights.
"What's all the ruckus about out here? I'm talking to my mama on the phone!"
"See there he is! Mr. Jones, I be Dobby and this is Ed."
Mr. Jones looked them up and down, noting their Italian white silk suits, Hawaiian shirts, black silk neck scarves, and black fedora's. Suddenly he felt a little hot under the collar. "Ah, you boys ain't in the mafia are you?"
"Ed looked askance at him. "Come now Mr. Jones, everybody knows there is no mafia. We's come to trade. You's having a big Monster Truck Meet in two weeks and we heard your sand guy can't deliver. We heard you was calling all over the state and thinking of cancelling if'n you got no sand by Friday. We got sand and we can deliver tomorrow."
"How much will it cost?"
"Don't want money. Trade only. How much Texas Barbecue brisket, ribs and chicken you willing to trade? Oh, and six tickets to the truck jam."
o0o0o0o
Waterford Glassworks, Ireland.
"Mr. Gloinedeas, Mr. Dobby and Mr. Ed are here for their appointment."
"Right in that door gentlemen."
Dobby and Ed walked into a homey looking office paneled in rich looking wood.
"I'll cut to the chase Mr. Gloinedeas," said Ed. "We heard you are having difficulty finding 99.9% pure Silica sand for your crystal making. We heard you may have to put the workforce on holiday. We's got Silica Sand and can deliver. Tomorrow. How much you want?"
"Mr. Gloinedeas gulped as he looked at the two strange men dressed in white silk Italian suits. Well, it is true we have been having difficulties in getting the right materials. How much?"
"All you could use in a year."
"I meant the cost?"
"This is sorta, kinda off the books you see. What you got to trade?"
"No paper trail huh? "I can deal with that. How about a truck load of fine glass ware?"
"Let's see your catalog."
"How you gonna get it here by tomorrow?"
"Let's just say we're miracle magic makers!"
o0o0o0o
"Dobby we have to go to Malterdingen Germany. There is Bruno's Grill in Gasthof Wildnis near the Black Forest. They have the best schnitzel I've ever had and I've been around."
"Max, it is I come to visit you!"
"Ed, my little friend! Good to see you after so many years. Too many. Where is Reggie? Is he with you?"
"Sadly no, Max. Reggie has passed. This is my friend Dobby."
"I am sad to hear that. He was a good man. Nice to meet you, Dobby. What brings you to my humble eating establishment?"
"Schnitzel, I need 25 kilos of your masterpiece, fully cooked. I have a party to provide for soon."
"This cash deal or you looking to trade?"
"Trade of course. You know me. Dobby get your notebook out. Time to talk business with Max. You need any restaurant equipment? We got loads, Neon signs?"
Max laughed. You haven't changed in 50 years Ed, always dickering. Let's sit down and have a bier and dicker. You wouldn't have a brand-new deep fryer, or a steam table, would you?"
"We have three of each Max, all new in the box. Take your pick."
o0o0o0o
"Hey Harry, they did it again."
Harry stumbled out of the kitchen onto the deck. "I've not even had my coffee yet, awful as it is. What is it this time Dan?"
"It's ten o'clock sleepy head. Too bad we can't find good coffee around here. Look at the lake. He's got a giant blue whale on the lake. There's a sign. Route 66, Catoosa Oklahoma, Swimming and Fishing Hole. Blue whale slip and slide!"
Harry looked out at the blue fiberglass whale and had to smile as he watched the little elves climbing the ladders to get to the multiple slides and screaming all the way down.
"Dan I can't yell at him. Look at the elves. What are you eating Dan?"
"Oh, ribs. Nice Texas style barbecue. Dobby got it somewhere."
"Are you drinking juice from a crystal rocks glass?"
"Yes, all the glasses disappeared. We only have crystal in the cupboards now."
Ed heard the statement about the coffee again. He'd have to talk to Dobby.
o0o0o0o
"Sunday morning brunch today, Emma. Dobby said it was something special today. Let's check it out."
Dan and Emma strolled down to the Tiki Bar and stopped gob smacked in front of the buffet table.
"Quite the spread Dobby put out Emma. Look, Champagne, Burgandy wine, Escargot, Caviar, Soppressata, baguettes, chocolates, brie cheese, candied fruit, crepes with strawberry sauce. I'm digging in."
"Oh, my Dan, he even has schnitzel!"
"We have to find a better coffee to go with all the fine foods Doddy and Ed are trading and sharing with us. This stuff from the market is barely tolerable."
Dobby, always attuned to a call from family was polishing the brass bar rail out of site of the Grangers. He sat for a moment. "I will talk to Ed he thought. We must find good coffee for the family."
o0o0o0o
"Hi Dobby and Ed!"
"Hello Dan and Mr. Harry Potter Sir."
"What are you doing Dobby?"
"Painting my ten-foot-tall fiberglass T-Rex purple, like Barney for the little elveses to play with."
"It doesn't sing does it?"
"Dinosaurs sing?"
"Never mind Dobby. Where did it come from?"
"Traded sand at Grand Canyon Caverns in Arizona."
"Where are you putting it Dobby."
"Oh, on the beach, next to the lighthouse, Tiki Bar and tilt-a-whirl. I have to leave a bit of room for some other things."
Harry and Dan walked away. "I think he looked a little guilty. His ears were a little flushed."
"What I want to know is what the hell does someone who lives in the Arizona desert need sand for, and what other things is he putting there?"
o0o0o0o
"Harry did you buy a boat and forget to tell me," Asked Dan?
"Nope. What makes you ask that?"
"There is a 40-foot Grady-White cabin yacht floating in the lake."
"OH."
o0o0o0o
Directors' office. Oklahoma State Department of Highways
Dobby and Ed were in disguise today for kicks and giggles.
"What did you say your name was gentlemen?" 'Strange looking dudes these two thought the director. Look like gangsters with those suits and long beards.'
"I be Dobby, he be Ed. We be the Smith Brothers and answer to your prayers."
"What?"
"We's heard you praying for sand. Wildcat teamsters strike interrupting summer road building. You short of sand and will have to shut down end of week. We got sand. Lots and lots of sand. On demand. Got my own crew to deliver. Tonight, tomorrow, any day. Have sand will travel."
"You sure your name ain't Paladin?"
"Who?"
"Never mind. How much?"
"What have you got to trade; we generally do non cash exchanges?"
"Interested in a 2,500 square foot arcade with 14 different kiddee rides including a Boat ride, Dodge-Em's brand bumper cars, the Carousel of Animals, 20 skee ball tables, pin ball machines, among other things. I also got some old paving equipment, an asphalt spreader and a roller, I need to have hauled away."
"How did you get that Ah Cady thing?"
"State took it over as it was on roadway right of way. Paid the owners fair market value, now I'm stuck getting rid of it."
"We get the building and everything in it," asked Ed?
"Yes, take it all."
"Deal."
o0o0o0o
"Harry looks relaxed Emma."
"Yes indeed. In the lake in a floatie chair, drinking top shelf Tennessee Bourbon, and holding hands with Hermione on a nice hot summer day. What's not to be relaxed about?"
"Do you think he noticed the statue of Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox?"
"With Dobbie's putting camouflage netting over them to hide it? Probably, but he's pretty laid back with all of Dobbie's acquisitions."
"He seems or be collecting old advertising."
"I cannot understand what he does, stuff comes in and goes out on a regular basis. Maybe he's got a big deal going? Join me at the Tikki bar for a cocktail?"
"Hmm, its after five somewhere. I think I will."
o0o0o0o
"Emma you have to see this. Poetry & magic in motion."
"I can't believe it Dan. The driveway simply cannot hold that many tractor trailers. Look at Dobby."
Dobby was dressed in his white silk Italian suit with black fedora. He had sound deadening earmuffs on, pink fuzzy ones at that, a florescent construction vest on and held two lighted paddles that ground control uses at an airport to direct planes on the taxiway. There were five forty-foot tractor trailers and a Flatbed with a brand-new Ford F-150 Pickup, top of the line tricked out for off roading with light bar, winch and oversized tires. The trailers consisted of Pappy Van Winkle, Best Kentucky Bourbon, HammersForjd Premium Smoked Salmon, Dom Pérignon Vintage Champagne, Naw`Lins Shrimp and Oyster Co-Op, and Fungo Aromatico Marcus-Premium Italian Fresh White Winter Truffle.
As they watched, Dobby danced around the tractors directing placement and movement as they separated from each of the trailers and swopped loads. An army of elves in glamour's had the trailers open and twenty cases of each product from each trailer made its way into the great room overlooking the lake.
In fifteen minutes, all the trucks were gone, the great room crowded with boxes and a blue pickup truck sat in front of the first garage bay with a huge red ribbon and bow wrapping it. Dan opened a case of Pappy's and pulled a bottle.
"Oh my, true sipping Bourbon." He poured three fingers in a crystal rocks glass, took a sip, sighed in contentment and headed out to talk to Dobby.
"Hello Dobby, nice truck."
"Hello Mr. Dan."
"What's going on? That was a lot of trucks."
"Dobby do expansion and befuddlement charms. Driveway much bigger and drivers don't notice. Dobby and Ed do BIGGIE trade. Elves wanted to get truck for present to Harry Potter sir. But no one had Truck, so we used the grapevine to put word out. There were fifteen trades, Sand went here, there and other places best not mentioned, foods and liquors changed hands, don't tell anyone but no tax stamps anywhere. Final trades were here. The food and liquor were my commission and the truck payoff for sand."
"That was impressive Dobby. Please show me the truck."
o0o0o0o
"Hello Winky. I see you have lifeguard duty today."
"Hello Emma. Please climb up and sit with me. I'm happy that there are enough mothers to only have to do this once a month. The little ones are so hard to keep track of the way they zoom around."
Emma looked at the beach. Many adult elves were reclining on the fluorescent colored chairs, taking the sun. There was a line at the Tikki bar making their own ice cream cones from a soft serve machine set up on the bar top. About twenty child elves were racing around the lake on boogie boards going so fast they were leaving rooster tails behind them in the water.
"How are the children moving so fast on those boards."
Winky sighed. "Little Dobby Jr. figured out how to channel his magic to propel the boards and told all his friends. Now they race like demons. I had to ward the blue whale to only allow them on the slide without toys. They made a ramp and took to flying up onto the head, down the back and around the flukes of the tail and shooting back out into the water."
Emma laughed. "I wish I could have seen that."
"No, you don't. It's terrifying to see how reckless they are."
"Where did the boogie boards come from."
"Dooby and Ed went to Daytona Beach after Spring Break. They made a trade. They cleaned, graded and top dressed the beach with sand. They got the boogie boards, the ice cream machine, a year's supply of ice cream mix, all the tiki torches, the little lights and 500 grass hula skirts."
"What's he going to do with the grass skirts?"
"I haven't the faintest idea. He was talking about a Luau on Labor Day weekend and muttered about finding a pig. I don't know what I'm going to do with him. Just look at this place Emma! It puts the board walk in Atlantic city to shame. Look up Honky-Tonk in the dictionary and you'll see a picture of this," sweeping her arm out in an arc."
Emma's peel of laughter could be heard in the kitchen of the house.
What's that new building over the other side of the lake in the trees," asked Emma.
I don't know. Dobby and Ed are being secretive about it. He told me it was an Argh Cady Entertainment Venue and needed lots of work. They took it in a sand trade. The mechanics have been in there for the past two days and no one's saying anything. Merlin knows what they got in there."
o0o0o0o
Ed was feeding the unicorns when Dobby walked up. "Ed I've heard Harry's family does not think much of their coffee they buy around here. I be thinking we should do a trade for some good coffee."
"Good coffee starts with good beans. Then it be roasted and ground to make coffee. Ed knows where to find the best beans. I have friend named Juan Vee in Colombian mountains. We will go see him soon."
"I will go update my inventory book."
o0o0o0o
"Hello Dan."
"What's on your mind Dobbs?"
"Do you like a good cigar?"
"Yes, especially with a glass of the fine Pappy's Bourbon you traded for, and of course when Emma's not around to nag me about smoking them. Why do you ask?"
"I did a trade. I got twelve dozen Cuban Churchill's. First quality, private brand called El Cabello. You can have them, Winky does not like it when I smoke them."
"Thank you, Dobby. Tell me about the trade."
"Well, I owe it all to Twinkles. She heard through the grapevine that Fidel Castro in Cuba was not happy with his private beach after a biggie storm took all the nice sand out to sea. Ed and I went down to talk to him. We provided the sand and fixed his beach, took out all the rocks. He gave us twenty-five tons of sugar. He liked my Fedora and silk scarf, so I traded those for his Cigars and his baseball cap. I traded the sugar to a factory in Mini-soda that makes the nice Orange drink everyone likes. I got a truckload of Crush, it's arriving tomorrow. When I was up there, we traded some DJ equipment we restored for a nice aluminum drift boat, five complete fly-fishing rigs, and a big box of new handmade flies!"
"I didn't know you liked fly fishing?"
"I've never done it, but I traded some sand and got a two-week river drift boat excursion for five in Montana next summer. I thought you; Harry, Dean and Seamus would like to go with me. We can practice with this equipment. I stocked the lake with Trout."
"What about Ed?"
"Ed says after spending thirty years in the Navy with his old master Reggie, he has no intention of getting on a boat. He claims he gets sea sick."
o0o0o0o
"What a neat bit of magic Hermione. Half the lake is frozen," commented Harry in admiration.
"What are those little outhouses doing on the ice Dobby?"
"Missy Mione, they is not 'Outhouses', they is ice fishing huts!"
"Dobby, they have little half moons cut in the door. That's for ventilation, smirked Hermione."
"I also cut stars and sunbursts for 'ventilation' missy. We have little heaters, chairs and tub of beverages to keep warm while we watch little flag to see if fishies bite hook."
"Whatever you say Dobby," commented Hermione on her way out of the room.
"Come to think of it Dobby, where did you get the huts?"
"I made a trade in Pensy Dutchie Country farmers. Got apple pies too."
"No treacle tart?"
"Use have too much of a sweetie tooth Mr. Harry Potter sir."
o0o0o0o
Green giant factory Le Sueur Minnesota
"Mr. Contadina, I'm Dobby and this is Ed. Are you the man in charge of this big factory?"
"Yes I'm am. Why do you ask?"
"We read in the paper that the big storm last week knocked over your 55 foot tall fiberglass Green Giant statue and it broke into many, many pieces. We's wondering if you are going to fix it or throw it away?"
"I'm afraid it is beyond repair boys. I'm having it hauled to the landfill next week. I just put it out to bid."
Dobby and Ed looked at each other and smiled.
Mr. Contadina, we would offer you a no cost removal. We will take all the pieces away and you give us say 500 pounds of frozen veggies to do the job. One night and your site all cleaned up."
"Suites me boys, you have a deal. When will you do it?"
"Tonight. Tomorrow morning you inspect and we get our veggies."
"Deal."
o0o0o0o
"Emma did you see the football (soccer) field that the elves built," asked Dan?
Emma sighed.
"You sound like Winky, Emma dear."
"It's not a football pitch. Dobby built a racetrack. It's a quarter mile around. The infield is for the unicorns to graze or the little ones to play on."
"What's he going to race? I don't see any horses or ponies."
"Kangaroos! He made a trade in Australia. How in God's green earth did he trade sand in a dessert? He's bringing a dozen Kangaroos here next week! Maybe, just maybe you and Harry talk to him about maybe not taking the Roos?"
"I'm not sure Em. Dobby can be pretty stubborn."
"Look at this," pointing to a pile of leather, straps, rings and ties, he already got saddles? There for the little elves to ride! We will have chaos! It will be worse than the boogie boards!"
"All right Emma, I'll get Harry and have a chat with the little guy." Lot of good it will do with the stubborn elf, he thought, but he would try.
o0o0o0o
Harry was walking through the Elf made forest towards where Dobby and Winky's tree was located. He came to a clearing with a small pond about fifty feet across. At one end was miniature stone fort with iron cannons on the parapets. It had a little flag that said 'Port Royal.'
'Hmm, that wasn't there last week. What a nice piece of engineering,' thought Harry.
There was a nice bench in the shade of a big tree, and he sat down. A few moments later, Dobby led a group of fifteen elves into the clearing. His eyes popped out. Dobby was in the lead of four elves, each carrying a scale model of a pirate sailing ship. Each of them was dressed in a pirate's costume and they all had a stuffed parrot on their shoulders. Periodocaly a parrot would say a nautical term. The remainder of the elves were dressed as period British soldiers, redcoats and all.
Harry called out: "Ahoy matey!"
"Avast there Mister Harry Potter sir! Have you come to play Pirates of the Carry-Beans-Ons with us?"
"Maybe, how do you play Dobby?"
"We put these remote-control ships in the water and load the cannons with a tiny bit of boom boom powder and these little steel ball bearings with Gemenino Charm. We then order "Form Line of Battle and shoot at the fort. The others man the forts guns and we shoots it out."
"Where did you get the ships and guns Dobby?"
"I traded sand to a Concrete manufacturer. I told him I wanted remote control scale model ships and scale metal guns that worked in return. I understand that there were twenty-one (very magical number 3x7) different trades before SnailEx (when absolutely has to be there soon) delivered the crate with the toys. We's had them for a week. Lots of fun. You want to command a ship? I'll let you take Battle Axe with the Screaming Hag figure head!"
"Why not Dobbs, let's make some noise."
Emma backed away from the scene. 'Boys with their toys,' she thought.
o0o0o0o
Robusto Fair Trade Coffee Co-Op, Andes Mountains Columbia
"Juan! Como estas mi amigo?"
"Edwardo, it has been far too long since we were together. What takes you here today?"
"We came to trade. We heard that your Fair-Trade Co-Op has the best coffee beans in all of South America. Colombia may not grow the most coffee, like Brazil, but your group grows the best. We are looking to do a trade for ten tons of beans. What would it take?"
"That is a lot of beans. Our greatest need in the co-op is for the children. We desire a school, textbooks and a library for all ages. We will have preschool, then school for ages five to eighteen. Can you do that?"
Do you have a design?
"Yes we do. I can give you the plans. You give me a school and I'll give you 20 tons of coffee beans amigo."
"Give us a three to four weeks. This is a big request. I will see what we can do."
"Adios Amigos. "
o0o0o0o
Harry and Dan were relaxing in the kitchen reading the sports pages. While not big baseball fans they did what most New Englanders did and were discussing if the Red Sox had any chance in making the playoffs this year. They were currently in third place 12 games back of the leading Yankees. Dan was munching on a cinnamon bun and pouring a second cup of coffee for both of them when the phone rang.
Harry picked up the phone.
"Hi ya'll this is Jerry Jones from Texas. I am wishing to talk to Mr. Ed about some sand."
"You are pulling my leg. Thee Jerry Jones, the guy Ed got the best barbecue from?"
"I see I got the right number. Can you put him on son?"
"You bet give me a minute. Ed!"
Ed popped in. "Youse call Master Harry Potter sirs," with a smirk?
"Ed, it's your barbecue man Mr. Jones from Texas.
"Youse need more sand Jerry?"
"Nope, seeing as you did such a fine job putting the sand in the stadium, I was thinking you'd do a good job taking it away. What you want for that? More Barbecue?"
"Well Mr. jones I need to talk to my pardner Mr. Dobby. We's be coming out to see youse tomorrow morning."
"Dobby we's taking a trip!"
Dan and Harry just continued to have breakfast and discuss the Red Sox chances.
o0o0o0o
"Mr. Jones will see you now," said the receptionist Mary Lou as she showed Ed and Dobby into the office.
"Thank you Mary Lou. You look beautiful today. These roses pale in comparison to your smile."
"Oh Ed you say the nicest things."
"Ed so good to see you and Mr. Dobby?"
"Just Dobby is OK."
Dobby sat down and took out his abacus and started slinging beads back and forth and writing in a small notebook.
Jerry just shook his head at the two short men in the latest Italian causal suit fashion. "So, what do you boys want to take away the sand?"
Ed looked at Dobby. "Mr. Jones there be lots of work to remove sand and clean stadium. Much more than bringing it in. Two nights for my crew. Expensive."
"I know it's expensive. You want more Texas Barbacue?"
Dobby sighed and slung a few more beads and looked at Ed.
"We's will take the Barbecue, same amount as last time but we's needs something more. The use of a Luxury Box, all in, food and spirits, for the next Super Bowling game for 36 people."
Dobby cleared his throat.
Ed continued: "And we's needs a sweetener to the deal."
Jerry looked concerned. "What do you want?"
"36 ten-gallon white Stetsons, I'll give you the sizes later and we keep the sand."
"Deal."
0o0o0
Labor day.
Harry looked around and smiled. There had to be two hundred elves here, plus about fifty people. It seemed everyone had a floral Hawaiian shirt, flowered Lei and grass skirt on for Dobby's end of the summer Luau. Sybil Trelawny was teaching a mixed group of Elves and Witches how to Hula Dance.
"How did professor Trelawny end up here Harry," asked Hermione?
"She's Dobby's friend H. He used to steal hangover potions from Snape's cabinet for her. He has a soft spot for her. She showed up this morning, said she had a vision she was needed here. She came with five hundred flowered Lei's that you see everyone wearing."
"Wow, and I thought she was a fraud."
"It's post time! Final call for bets," yelled George.
Eight elflings on kangaroos were getting into the starting gate of the track dressed in multicolored silks.
"Aaaanddd there off," called Lee Jordan. "Hoppy had a good leap out of the gate and is sitting on the rail with a slight lead, Jumpy is in second and the rest of the field are bunched up too close to call. Coming into the far turn it's still Hoppy in first, Jumpy in second with Lettuce by a head in third over Carrot as they enter the home stretch. Coming up on the outside is Lazyboy making a move, look at him hop! Hoppy is fading fast back to forth, Carrot moved up with a mighty jump and Lazyboy is rolling along. Jumpy and Lazyboy at the wire and Lazyboy wins by a nose! Jumpy in second and Lettuce in third. See George for your payoffs. Next Kangaroo race in twenty minutes."
Dan and Emma wandered over to the firepits. "I see you had no luck persuading Dobby the kangaroos were a bad idea."
"Those little elflings can ride! They must be real adrenaline junkies with their antics Emma."
"Dan."
"Honest I tried Emma; you know how he gets. He threatened to take away the barbecue and the spirits."
"Oh, so you caved to a little blackmail Dan." She looked at him. "Don't worry, I asked Harry also and he couldn't convince him otherwise. But Dobby said he'd trade them sometime to zoo's after the Luau. "
"Do you know where Dobby got the silks the jockeys are wearing Dan?"
"Yes, he did some deal at Saratoga Race Track in New York. They needed sand for a new training track."
They stood looking at the outdoor kitchen. Two firepits with very large whole pigs being slow roasted on a spit, tended by Dobby. He had a chef's shirt on with an enormous chef's hat that said Kiss the Chef on it. He had a large paint brush on a stick and was daubing barbecue sauce on the pigs as they rotated on the spit from a bucket size bowl of sauce.
The Tiki Bar was in full operation with tubs of Orange Crush, Butter Beer and other adult beverages, a large buffet hot table set up and just waiting for the food to be cooked. There was also two large smokers going with briskets, ribs, and chickens cooking. The elves had also put a frozen table out with all manner of frozen treats like ice cream, popsicles, and a variety of Florian Fortescue's creations plus one table of Pineapple chunks on a stick. One Elf pushed a small cart around that had Joe & Nemo's hot Dogs' Coney Island stenciled on the side. He was handing out hotdogs to a line of people and elves.
They walked over to the water and watched the teens swimming and splashing.
"I can't wait for the two pigs to be ready to eat. Dobby has sure gone all out today," said Dan.
"Nice way to end the summer," answered Emma.
o0o0o0o