No amount of training could've prepared me for the horror that just unfolded.
Titans, drawn by Annie's call, have infiltrated through the breach in an instant. They brush past me. After all, these clueless idiots can't tell Reiner's armor is shielding me rather than crushing me. Besides, my instructors often repeated that one solitary individual doesn't count for much in comparison to a densely populated area. Causing as much destruction as possible is embedded in their instinct.
Any nation that dared to cross Marley never stood a chance and this city, if I can call it that, is no exception.
I witness a titan snatch a screaming man from a rooftop, his terror-filled eyes meeting mine for a fleeting moment. "Don't look at me like that. Blame your people," I mumble, aware that he can't hear me.
I feel a pang in my throat when he disappears into the titan's gaping maw. I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's the nerves.
Another titan lumbers down a street, its massive hand sweeping through a fleeing crowd. No one is spared from the crush under its grasp, their bodies broken like dolls, and their cries, silenced.
Amidst the chaos, a particular scene catches my eye. There, next to Bertolt, is another titan. Its long straight blond hair dangles over its face and an enormous smile is spread all over it. As it approaches Bertolt, Reiner braces himself for an attack. But, to my utter bewilderment, it simply passes by him, as if he were no more than a part of the landscape.
In spite of that, its behavior isn't what's puzzling me. I blankly glare. There's something awfully familiar about it, but the chaos beneath my eyes clouds my thoughts, frustratingly keeping the recognition just out of reach. "Will you all shut the fuck up already?", I grumble.
The anomaly nags at me and I know there's only one way to find out. I tug at Reiner's finger only to get his attention. He wouldn't be able to hear me from all the way up there, so he slowly brings me up level to his ear. "Put me down."
He merely peers at me, as if to make sure he didn't mishear me. "I need to check something. Just wait in front of the inner gate. It won't take long." I grab the opportunity to sneak a look behind me while Reiner is still contemplating. Another batch of titans is trotting forward. If he put me down fast enough, I'd have more than enough time to swoop in before they catch up. "Reiner! Any year now?"
He carefully lowers me to the ground. He knows I don't throw orders without a valid reasoning behind them. This time, I'm unsure whether this qualifies as a good reason. Hell, it's not mission-related either. Not that that sort of thing has ever gotten in my way before. Improvisation is a skill of mine. My boots settle against the pavement's crumbling rocks and I'm instantly sucked into the chaos of the streets. All the titans towering over buildings, treating them as nothing but mere obstacles to crush, the people screaming and the fires crackling – it all bleeds together.
I push through the crowd, my gaze fixated on the Smiling Titan, desperate to keep it in my view. Somehow, the titans aren't the most difficult thing to avoid. It's the surging residents. I find myself leaping to the side over and over to avoid running into someone who doesn't see me and dodging under a mess of debris that is, fragments of houses. But my purpose is clear, and whenever that is the case, nothing can stop me. Except for a dumb kid tugging at my shirt causing me to glare down at him.
"My- my friends," he stammers, his index pointing directly left, "Their house is located over there, where that titan is heading. They need help!"
"And what do you expect me to do? As far as I know, I don't have a cannon in my disposition," I shoot back in a sharper tone than I intended.
His eyes widen. "Aren't you a part of the Survey Corps?"
"The Survey what?", I echo with question marks in my eyes. I'm not the only one. His confusion mirrors my own.
Why is he confused that I am confused? Is the world spinning in reverse on this island?
I sigh, my eyes flickering back to the Smiling Titan. "Listen kid, I don't have time for your nonsense."
"But, you were chasing that titan! Weren't you going to kill it?", he persists, stopping me once again from taking off.
I glance around and, understandably speaking, realize the oddity of my direction – heading left, against the flow of people fleeing towards the inner gate. No ordinary person would be mindlessly charging towards a titan, unless they had a death wish. That kid caught onto it. The last impression I want to give off is that I've been living under a rock.
"My house is also located that way," I lie. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got my dead family to meet up with," With that, I break into a run towards the Smiling Titan, leaving the boy behind with the same skeptical look. Granted, he's not as dumb as I thought.
Behind me, I hear an old man scolding the boy, dragging him away. "I told you to stay put, Armin-" His voice fades into the background as I close the distance between myself and the titan before it suddenly halts, its monstrous frame becoming still.
Determined to discover what's caught its attention, I decide to slip into a nearby alleyway, using it as a shortcut to get a better view. The alley opens up and my head turns to the side when a scene freezes me in my tracks. The titan wasn't fixated on something, but rather, people. Amidst the rubble of a partially collapsed house, I see two figures trying to lift the debris. They look like they could be in the same age range as the warriors.
It isn't until I run up to them that I realize why they're desperate to fulfill the task. Beneath them lies a woman, her leg gruesomely pinned under the wreckage. It doesn't take a genius to know she's beyond saving.
"I'll carry you!", the boy exclaims.
"Will you listen to me for once in your life?!", her voice breaks. "Mikasa! Please, get through to him."
"N- No. I can't." the raven-haired girl stammers.
These children are allowing their emotions to overrule the better judgment that comes with being able to make a good decision. That's why the woman is left with no other choice but to look at the only person on this empty road who will act objectively. Me.
"Save them." Her mouth doesn't open, but her eyes can talk.
I kneel beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You can't save her."
"And I can't leave her either!" he shouts.
"Her last wish is for you to be safe. The best thing you can do for her is to give her the peace of knowing you lived through it," I reply almost naturally. Somehow, It's strange how simple it is to reckon a mother's love when I grew up without it for the majority of my life. Surely, I concluded–if you starve anyone from anything, they'll always find themselves in a constant pursuit.
The boy doesn't budge nor replies, so that must indicate I'm onto something. I look up and the Smiling titan looms dangerously close enough for me to know I'm out of time. I make eye contact with it for the first time and in that brief connection, there's an inexplicable feeling of recognition that defies logic.
I scoff and wonder whether I'm going insane.
I reach out and effortlessly hoist the boy over my shoulder. He struggles, his fists pounding against my back.
Mikasa, appears to be deliberating between her loyalty to him and facing reality. After most likely weighing down the pros and cons of her options, she opts for the right one. "Eren, please.." she pleads shortly before I grasp her hand.
"Do they have any other family they can stay with?", I ask the woman, hoping that they were not about to become orphans. In the grand scheme of things, it'd be a pain to have to look after them while having my own mission to focus on.
"Let me down! You'll regret this if you don't release me right now you piece of shit-", Eren continues, his threats ringing hollow but persistent as he kicks and screams.
"Yes." his mother replies abruptly, slowly coming to terms with her upcoming death. "Ask around for Dr. Grisha Yeager."
The world seems to hold its breath, awaiting my answer.
I hear nothing except the throbbing of my heart along with the cross-shaped scar on my arm as though it just sparked back to life.
Yeah. I am going insane.