I Do Not Want to Believe It

The shock of that realization left Mikey unable to move for several seconds. His mind, however, was running a billion miles per hour.

How could Donnie have become a human? Was it the result of what the pink genius had done? Did the same happen to Leo and Raph?

No wonder Mikey hadn't managed to track his brothers down. There were way more humans than mutant ninja turtles in New York City.

A non-negligible part of Mikey couldn't help feeling annoyed. He had always wanted to know what it felt like to be human, and Donnie got to experience it without him? It wasn't fair.

"See you tomorrow," Donnie's voice was saying in the room below.

Mikey assumed that he was addressing the dove. He wondered whether Raph was somewhere in this lab too. Raph would have loved working with birds for sure; he always had a way with pigeons in particular.

For now, Mikey needed to focus on Human Donnie.

He took a deep, silent breath, ignoring irrelevant thought after irrelevant thought until his mind reached a precarious balance. He couldn't afford to be distracted if he wanted to set the plan into motion, not when nobody else was here to bring him back to the task at hand.

Now what was the plan already?

Try as he might, Mikey couldn't remember what April had told him. It meant that he would have to improvise, which wasn't a problem. He was the king of improvisation. Besides, it wasn't hard to guess what needed to be done. Donnie had to go home, and his home was in the sewers with Mikey and Splinter and Raph and Leo.

Donnie might have forgotten all about it for now, but this was going to change as soon as Mikey talked to him.

So Mikey took the only reasonable decision, which was to let himself fall into the room. Donnie was still turned towards the doves' cage, and Mikey walked silently towards him, keeping an eye on the door in case Donnie's coworker came back.

He stopped at a respectful distance from Donnie. The last thing he wanted was to startle him when Donnie had obviously forgotten everything about Mikey–or he would have tried to contact Mikey instead of working as the adult human he appeared to be. No matter what his brothers said, Mikey knew how to be respectful of people's boundaries. It just happened that he didn't always practice it, especially when he knew he could get away with it–even when the price to pay was being chased by a mad Raph.

Mikey realized he was digressing and shook his head to refocus. He was about to call Donnie in a low and non-threatening tone, as if his brother was yet another traumatized mutant, when Donnie turned around.

Mikey was certain that he had been perfectly silent, so Donnie must still have some of his ninja senses. It was a good sign.

Their eyes met, and Mikey's breath hitched. He suddenly felt like crying, for no other reason that Donnie didn't only have Donnie's voice; he had Donnie's eyes, too.

For a second, Mikey could almost forget that Donnie didn't have a shell and green skin. This was his brother in front of him. They had spent sixteen years together, playing and training and learning and getting in trouble, and no pink genie could erase that. Donnie had to feel their kinship. He was going to remember everything, he was going to turn back into a healthy teenage mutant ninja turtle, he was going to–

Donnie's eyes widened in an expression that Mikey recognized as shock, and Mikey smiled. This was it. This was finally it. Now things were looking way brighter; with Donnie to help him, Mikey was sure to find Leo and Raph in no time, even if they had become humans too. They would be a family again.

Then Donnie talked, and his words crushed Mikey's hopes like not even Bradford's had.

"What… what are you?"

Mikey opened his mouth to answer Donnie's stupid question, to say I'm your brother before he hugged Donnie, just in case his voice wasn't enough to help his brother remember.

No sound came out of his throat.

Mikey closed his mouth, then opened it again, trying desperately to move his tongue, to vibrate his vocal cords. In vain. He repelled the panic that was threatening to overwhelm him. He couldn't afford to lose it now; the stakes were way to high. He took a step towards Donnie, so Donnie could see him better–maybe that was the reason why he hadn't recognized Mikey, maybe he had a poor sight and forgot his glasses somewhere–and Donnie took a step backwards.

Mikey could have sworn he heard his heart break and the pieces clatter to the floor. Not only did his brother not remember him, but he also saw him as a threat–like so many humans before him, humans who hadn't been able to see beyond Mikey's unusual appearance.

Mikey untied the purple bandana from his arm and shoved it in front of Donnie's face, imploring him to remember. His arm was shaking and he didn't try to stop it. He wanted Donnie to see how upset, how desperate he was. Surely Donnie wouldn't want him to be in any pain. Surely he would reach out to him…

Donnie took another step backwards, until his back rested against the wall.

From the corner of his stinging eye, Mikey saw the door start opening. He reacted on instinct, jumping back into the shadows of the air duct just before Donnie's coworker entered the room, speaking in a detached voice that sounded completely out of place.

"I think I've forgotten my swipe card. Ah yes, here it is." A pause. "What happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Mikey retreated a little further into the air duct as Donnie answered. He even turned a corner so he wouldn't be seen from the room, even if Donnie or the other human stood right under it, and listened to the footsteps coming closer.

"There was a giant turtle right here just a second ago." Donnie's voice sounded doubtful, as if he didn't trust his sense of sight.

"Really?" A pause. "You need to sleep more, Dee."

Mikey almost came back into the room to yell at this human that he wasn't allowed to call his brother Dee. How could they be on first letters terms when Mikey was completely forgotten?

But it looked like he couldn't talk right now, so it would be no use.

"Maybe you're right," Donnie said. "It happened so fast, maybe I've just been dreaming it."

Mikey heard the soft sound of a hand patting somebody's lab-coated back.

"We can check the cameras if you want, but I think security would have noticed if a giant turtle had broken into this building."

Mikey had been very careful to avoid the cameras, and he hadn't set up any alarm, so he guessed the score was 1 for him and 0 for security. Still, it would probably be a good idea to operate a tactical retreat and think about a way to get through to Donnie without setting the whole lab on high alert. He had half-listened to enough of Leo's briefings to at least remember that.

Mikey felt the silent vibration of his T-Phone against his plastron, and took a look at it.

He had a text from April.

Did you find something?

He suddenly remembered how April had wanted him to stay hidden and tell her immediately if he found something–and a human Donnie definitely qualified as something. He would have been more worried about having messed up April's plan if he wasn't still picking the pieces of his broken heart.

Donnie didn't remember him. Donnie had backed away from him. Donnie now believed that Mikey had been a weird hallucination.

Mikey retreated even deeper in the air vent as he typed his answer.

Donnie is a human. Why didn't you tell me?

April's answer came after a few excruciating seconds.

So you think it's him, too.

Of course it's him. Mikey knew his own brother, even when his own brother didn't know him anymore.

I know you want to talk to him, but I don't think it's a good idea, April sent. Let's talk outside. He's working here, he's not going to disappear.

Mikey nodded to himself. He didn't like the idea of getting too far away from Donnie, but April was right.

I'm coming.

"It's him," Mikey told April for the umpteenth time. "It's him, and I was unable to talk to him!"

They were both safely hidden inside the Shellraiser. April's visit to the facility was over, and she was free for the rest of the afternoon. Mikey was grateful for the opportunity to ramble at her and get rid of at least some of his pent-up frustration.

"I can't believe you tried to talk to him." April leaned into Donnie's seat, her arms crossed.

"Emphasis on tried," Mikey said bitterly, choosing to ignore the disapproving note in April's tone. "It was like I was voiceless, only worse."

Strangely enough, he didn't have a problem talking April's ear off now. It was as if he just couldn't talk to Donnie for some stupid, unfair reason.

It probably had to do with the spell Donnie was under. Mikey hoped that Rockwell would be able to find some answers for him–maybe it would spare him another soul-crushing disappointment.

"I wonder if it's just you, or everyone who knows who Donnie truly is," April mused.

"We'll know once you try talking to him." Mikey stood up from his own seat and started pacing across the Shellraiser again. "Maybe it's disgusting mutant discrimination, and you won't have any problem."

April sighed. "At least we found him. I can't say I'm surprised he's a scientist, though. I wonder…" She frowned.

Mikey watched as she took her T-Phone.

"What are you doing?"

"Scientists often have their bios displayed on their laboratories' websites," April answered. "So maybe…" She drew in a sharp breath. "Oh."

"What is it? What is it?" Mikey almost jumped on her in his haste to know what this Oh was about.

"Read this." April turned her T-Phone's screen towards him.

Mikey read it. It displayed a picture of Human Donnie smiling next to his name–Donnie's first name was still Donatello, even though his last name was unknown to Mikey–and showed a brief description of Donnie's supposed life: where and when he had graduated, the other research centers he had worked at, a list of his publications.

"This is…" Mikey said, having a hard time finding words strong enough to express his disgust and rising concern–the pink genie hadn't only erased Donnie's memories and altered his appearance, they had also rewritten his past.

April met his eye, her expression showing that she was just as worried. "That genie really put some thought into the details, didn't they?" She paused. "Are you sure…"

"It's him," Mikey repeated. "You felt it too. Come on, April, you can't start doubting it now!"

April grimaced. "Yeah. This is some powerful magic."

"It's not powerful enough to keep me away from my brothers." Mikey absent-mindedly stroked the purple bandana tied around his arm. It was only a matter of time before Donnie acknowledged it as his.

April smiled fondly at him. "Of course not." She drummed her fingers against Donnie's control panel. "Do you think we should ask for reinforcements?"

Mikey shook his head. "He'll be less overwhelmed with only the two of us. It's not like he's in danger or anything, he seemed pretty happy to work here." He abruptly shut up. Could it be that Donnie was happier in this new human life than he had been with them?

No, he chided himself. This was a charade, not something Donnie would have chosen. Not if it meant being separated from his family.

"Alright," April said. "Let's go over the plan once more."

Mikey raised one finger for each phase of said plan. "One, wait until Donnie leaves the lab. Two, follow him to his new home. Three, you ring and ask if you can talk to him." He watched April. "Then it's up to you."

"I'll register our conversation and tell you when you can come in," April said. "If I can't talk to him, I'll write. If I can't write, I'll reach telepathically to him." She took a deep breath. "We've got this, Mikey."

Mikey nodded. He shut up his doubts just like she was doing and grinned brightly. "Let's do this."

Mikey and April had been waiting for hours in the Shellraiser. Mikey was getting bored–or more precisely, he had gotten bored hours ago and was now on the verge of doing something Donnie wouldn't have approved of, like driving the Shellraiser and hitting trash cans just because he could.

The sun had long vanished behind the horizon, and still Donnie wasn't coming out.

April seemed to be in a similar mood. "Of course he would overwork," she grumbled to herself. "What was I expecting?"

"What if he sleeps inside the lab? Or what if he pulls an all-nighter? It wouldn't be the first time." Mikey jumped from the floor where he had been lying. "Let's get inside."

April shook her head. "Let's give him some more time. And if we have to go inside, we'll have to be especially careful. We're lucky Donnie didn't believe what he saw when you tried talking to him, or the whole facility would be on lock-down now."

Mikey gave her a look, because how on earth was it luck that Donnie had forgotten about him, and she grimaced.

"Sorry, it came out wrong."

They waited in silence for another ten minutes–a true eternity–when April's phone buzzed. She took it and frowned before answering.

"Yes?"

Mikey didn't miss the way her face crumpled.

"I'll be right here," she said before hanging up. She turned to Mikey. "It's about my dad. He's in the hospital."

Her voice was raw with worry, and Mikey reached out to her. "Oh no! What happened?"

April took a deep breath in his shoulder. "He had a stroke. Luckily he was with a colleague, and she noticed, but..." She swallowed hard. "I have to go, Mikey."

"Of course you have." Mikey tightened his hug. He hoped that Mr. O'Neil would be okay. After everything he had been through in the past years, he deserved to be able to enjoy a peaceful life. "Do you need me to drop you off? I won't be able to stay, but…"

"I know." She gave him a weak smile. "No, stay here in case Donnie gets out. I'll take a taxi. Call Casey, he'll replace me."

Mikey wasn't sure that he gained with that change–he loved the guy, but diplomacy wasn't his strongest suit–but at least Casey was human. Donnie probably wouldn't freak out and ask him what he was, like he had for Mikey.

"I'll call him right away," he promised.

Casey hadn't answered his phone, so Mikey had left him a message and was now back to waiting.

He was bored out of his mind. Without April to talk to, it was getting impossible to control the boredom–not to mention the anxiety and anticipation–so he left the Shellraiser and its monitoring screens to breathe some fresh air.

Now that it was dark, he didn't need to be as careful as before. Hiding in the shadows was a second nature.

Crouching on a rooftop in front of the facility, Mikey observed the different buildings. Most of them looked deserted for the night, but one still displayed lights behind several of its windows. Donnie must not be the only scientist who was working late.

Mikey checked his T-Phone, but Casey still hadn't answered. Mikey hoped that nothing bad had happened to him. Casey could take care of himself, of course, but as April had just experienced, life had a way to throw you for a loop when you least expected it.

Mikey bit his lip. It would be so easy to slip inside this building once more, so easy to look for Donnie again–to hear his voice, to look into his eyes, to make sure he was still safe, still alive, still here.

It was too tempting, and Mikey had never been one to resist temptation for long.

I'm going inside, he texted Casey.

Then he jumped towards the facility. He lost no time going back to the room where he had found Donnie, but the place was empty except for the animals. Mikey wondered whether now was a right time to free them, but he didn't want to attract attention before he knew where Donnie was.

Mikey slid inside the room and made for the closest door. He opened it, peaking inside the next room. It was empty too, its tables too shiny in the dim light of the emergency exit signs. Mikey passed by closets and showcases containing equipment he knew nothing about. The silence was weighing heavily on him, and he had to refrain himself from bumping into one of the showcases just to make some noise.

He was starting to wonder whether he had made a mistake coming here. What if Donnie was leaving the laboratory right this minute? What if Mikey missed him?

He chewed on his lip, unsure of what to do.

The decision was made for him by the barking he heard from behind the door on the opposite side of the room. He hurried towards the noise and opened the door, ready to barge in.

April might have said that the lab's activities were all legal, Mikey had his doubts, and he wasn't going to let animals be mistreated right in front of him.

Then he remembered why Leo always said barging in was a bad idea when a cage fell from the ceiling, trapping him. He could almost feel the ghost of a Raph's smack against his head as he crashed against the bars. His neck suddenly hurt, as if he had been pricked by a wasp, and his nunchucks fell from his hands.

He reached out for the bars, but his movements felt heavier than usual. Sluggish, even. Like he was swimming through honey–delicious, sugary honey.

He barely registered the voice talking. He had heard it before, but it didn't mean anything to him.

"So you were right. There was a giant turtle."

With a huge effort, Mikey raised his head to look at whom the voice was talking to–it was important, he didn't remember why but this person was important, enough to fight the shaking in his legs and the cotton in his head–

Mikey only had time to meet Donnie's guilty eye for a brief second before he lost consciousness.