Chapter Notes:

Ok...so if you haven't read the comics there might be some references you don't get...but I promise it will still make sense in general.

Giles held his head between his hands.

Memories flooding his mind as the time period in his life that he mostly blocked out came back to him.

Anne.

His mind filled with a face that he had blocked from his mind out of shame…but also something that had alluded him until the day he had met Jenny.

Love.

He had utterly and devastatingly fallen in love.

With her.

With Anne.

Beautiful Blonde hair and eyes that could see straight into you.

Kind.

Sweet like no other he had ever known in his entire life.

If what Sp…if what William was saying was true...

Rupert braced himself once more as he looked up to see William's head lowered with his hands fisting together and uncurling constantly. Obviously he was trying to hold in his anger.

But Rupert actually began to study him.

The shape of his face. His cheekbones.

Dear God in Heaven why didn't I see it before.

Though Spike had bleached his hair, the evidence that he most likely had hair that looked like his as well was seen by the roots of his hair.

"I know you have a million questions." Spike said softly and slowly, for the first time allowing his fine British accent to surface in front of the man that had despised his very existence with absolutely no qualm about letting him know.

And it was as though Rupert was slapped in the face as he heard the refined tone of voice.

Anne had been a woman of high society when he had met her. If he had left her pregnant…how had they survived?

"I can't answer them all…but I knew you were one of the people that needed to know what was going on…that I actually do have a purpose. But Buffy can never know."

It was the last sentence that truly brought Giles back from his inner thoughts.

Both looked up into the other's eyes at the same moment.

"The less you know…the less things change in the big picture of how you interact with everyone." Spike explained the very thought out reasoning.

"If Buffy senses you different in anyway…we're right buggered."

"Language!" Giles instinctively scolded causing a huge smile to blossom across Spikes' face….and lord if he did not look like his own father at the moment. He would have thought himself preposterous for even thinking such a thing an hour ago. Now look at him.

Nothing but a story from Spike and he believed him. Albeit that there was no way Spike could ever know such a thing from his past…but the more he stared at Spike…the more he saw traces of the woman he loved.

"Like that. You scolding a master vampire on how he speaks is going to send a red flare up in the Slayer's face. As much as I want to change things…certain things need to stay the same. I didn't jump at this idea half cocked…I spent a year planning. And as you know…I don't usually stick to them. But I know if I mess up one thing…everything can go tits up." Spike used the slang to make a double point.

Giles continued to stare at him.

Yeah…well…Spike knew the feeling of shock himself. He just thanked God that he didn't sleep with his Great Great Aunt's and slept with Harmony instead. Again…something he was not planning to repeat ever again. Well…really he had already done it here…but…semantics.

"And you think you can stick to this plan of yours? Without any help from anyone?" Giles asked in a very scrutinous voice.

Spike shook his head and blinked slowly at the question. Extending his head forward he replied "I said you were ONE of the people that needs to know."

"And who pray tell are the others?" Giles asked blinking rapidly himself as his own body straightened as the gravity of the situation was hitting him.

Spike pursed his lips again, making Giles realize he was still fighting his anger towards him.

Spike though knew that telling Giles about Dawn was pointless. At least he thought so. The exact moment of Dawn's existence was truly hard to pinpoint.

But the name that sprang out of Spike's mouth truly threw Giles for a loop.

"Joyce."

"Are you insane?!" Giles said as he sprang off the floor and stared down at his son.

A wave of 'dear lord I have a son' hit Giles as his mind had automatically referred to Spike as 'son.'

Spike jumped up as well.

"Oi look! I don't really have a choice in the matter. I know she's outside of the whole slayer thing and that's one of the huge mistakes I need to fix! I won't let anything happen to her." It wasn't really a lie. Really Joyce reminded him of his own mother and he was damn sure not going to let happen to her what did. Not if he could stop it. And he would.

By hook or by crook he would make sure the lady lived.

And if Dawn existed already…he would tell her in a heartbeat. God he missed her. In a way that people couldn't and wouldn't understand.

She had remained his little bit her entire life.

Pain. Fresh pain filled him and he physically had to stop himself from crying.

But it was that moment that made Giles cognoscente of what had startled him when he had entered …the emotions that was clearly visible in Spike's eyes making him suddenly certain of something.

A chill ran down his back as the ramification of his discovery went against everything he had ever been taught. Went against everything that he himself had seen.

Spike had a soul.

"It's not possible." The look of shock on his face made Spike confused.

"Not possible that not having Joyce more involved in her daughter's life was a mistake…yeah…now I know why they fired you from the Watcher's…"

"Don't be a berk! I meant…I meant it's not possible…that you have a…a…" Giles couldn't even bring himself to say the word. The idea that he somehow now…

Christ he could see it. If HE could see it he'd never be able to hide it from Buffy.

"Soul…yeah."

Giles snatched his glasses off his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. A migraine of epic proportions hitting him of the implications.

"Please tell me you were not cursed…"

"Oh Bloody hell old man I fought for it! Won it for …" Spike stopped himself before letting her name slip from his lips.

The words made Giles jerk his head up. "Are you trying to tell me after 146 years as a demon…you found a way to restore your soul…and you did so willingly?!" Giles' voice hiking up almost in hysteria.

Spike glared at his father, knowing only too well who had taught Buffy that demon's couldn't love. That he couldn't possibly love her.

It had taken years for her to truly know for certain that he indeed loved her.

But many things happened.

Things that haunted even his demon. And that in itself was something that he couldn't even fathom.

But this time he wouldn't let it happen. He wouldn't go near her this time. Wouldn't let her know how he felt.

As much as he had repeated the words over and over to her…this time he had promised himself never to tell her. He loved her too much to put her through everything that he had. She deserved more than what he could give…but he was going to stay and suffer by her side to make sure she got everything she wanted. With or without him. He truly had become love's bitch.

"I fell in love with a girl."

The bafflement on his father's face at the statement almost made the pain he felt worth it. Looked like his head was going round the bend from the statement.

Giles opened his mouth to ask the next obvious question but Spike interrupted him.

"Look…it's a lot yah? Just tilted the world for you I know…but you and I...from this moment on…we're family. It may seem illogical at times, down right impossible, and you may second guess me but as much as I despise you…you're my father. So…we're stuck with each other. No repeat performances of last night thinkin' you can solve your problems without the Slayer. You almost got your bloody self killed…by HER."

"Yes well…" Giles tried to respond but was struck with the fact that he had not told Spike what HAD happened.

"I mean it. I'm trying to save everyone and that includes you. No mucking about or trying to save me because you think you know better."

"I do not muck about. Really…you make me sound like I have a superiority complex." Giles complained. It didn't help that Spike had told him he 'despised' him either, but when Spike raised one eyebrow he knew that he was in for a tidbit more of information that he really shouldn't know.

"That right?! Then why do you think Buffy doesn't need you anymore and have you wanting to go back to London?"

Strike that….information that Spike really shouldn't know.

When Giles gaffed and fussed but said nothing, Spike knew that he finally understood that he was in fact being a berk.

Spike shook his head slightly, "Right now you need to just listen to me. And when I need your help…I really don't think more than me given you a look will let you know I need it now will I?"

Giles had to suppress a smile at the way Spike's eyebrows shot up in a 'look' that made it more than obvious what he meant. "Quite right."

Spike nodded.

"But um….there is something that you may not have taken into consideration that you have just made me realize." Giles said as he stepped closer to Spike.

It wasn't to intimidate him in the least, but more of a way to scrutinize the man before him.

"What's that?" Spike furrowed his brow, thinking he had considered every little thing.

"You." Giles answered, and making Spike even more confused.

"What…What I mean is…though you have certainly maintained your wit and sarcasm…the disdain in which you normal speek to me was more than just lacking when I entered. I knew something was wrong immediately. You've….changed. Drastically I may add. Is…is it the soul that has done this?" Giles asked in a slightly hushed tone and his own brow furrowing.

What a loaded question it was though. And how spot on that the old man had known instantly that he was not the same enthusiastic fighting machine that he had claimed to be.

The next words out of Giles mouth making the emotion from earlier clog his throat in how accurate it was.

"You…you seem hurt. In pain." Giles said the words and watched how Spike hung his head once more to hide the emotions that now seemed to overwhelm him.

He had indeed changed, but Giles suddenly feared and was shocked to think that it might not have been for the better.

"I…I remember…everything I did…" Spike couldn't finish. Couldn't tell him how the soul was revolted at his past actions…and in pain for everything that he had experienced since.

Of loving Buffy. Of not being worthy of her, no matter how many times he threw himself into the fray. It didn't matter how many apocalypses he helped stop. At the end of the day he loved her…but she…she…

"I'm sorry." Giles said softly.

Spike swallowed down the lump in his throat. He hadn't been like this in decades. This feeling of the soul's weight overwhelming him. Maybe it was due to being back in his body that wasn't use to the soul. No matter the reason…he was being a right wanker.

"Do you believe me?" Spike whispered the question, not knowing what he'd do if his father would turn against him because of his loyalties to Buffy.

Looking up at him, with those lost blue eyes, Giles felt all the doubt at what Spike was saying vanish.

Those were Anne's eyes staring at him. An anvil seemed to hit Rupert's heart as the thought that his son had been turned into a monster hit him.

Had he been like him? Had he been a good man? This thought was immediately dismissed as he knew Anne would have no doubt raised an incredible son. She had been too good for the like of him. No…his son would have been a good man.

All of his musings halted as the word reverberated over and over in his head.

Son.

"Yes. I believe you. But I do insist that you give me as much detail as possible about what things will be happening. I might see a flaw in your plans that you may not and frankly…I was trained to help plan strikes and counterstrikes against opponents."

"Good. Because I'm going to have a tracker shot into me tonight. I'll be running around all night trying to keep them off my tail. Tomorrow morning I'll be running into your flat to have you take it out." Spike informed as he stood up straight once more, knowing they had no time to dwell on anything but what he needed to do.

"WHAT?! Surely that's something you could…change…really why would you risk your safety if you could avoid it. Why risk jeopardizing your…" Giles was overwhelmed with concern, stammering and flailing to keep William from doing something to get him harmed by the commandos.

Spike smirked, "My mission? Bit too espionage mentality that."

Giles gave a small laugh and smirked a little shamefully himself. "It is."

Spike could sense that the wheels in Giles' head were turning. But the concern in his voice had been a balsam to his soul. It had been soo very long since someone actually cared for his well being.

Dawn had been one of those people…but it was different with his father. The man his mother spoke of and the man he had known as Rupert Giles had never been truly reconciled in his mind.

Questions that had been left unanswered for…well…a very long time.

But now wasn't the time for those answers.

"Turned White Hat here. Thinking for my well being comes last now. I'm sure you can understand that Watcher."

Giles stared at William for a second at being called that title by him. If William had indeed regained his soul and began working for the side of good…he truly was here to help them. Or more to the point…he was here to help Buffy.

"Is that how you'll address me….in front of the others that is?" Giles staring directly into Spike's eyes.

Spike squinted his eyes in a glare as he looked at the man that had apparently made him. "You think Willow or Xander won't think it suspicious when I start calling you Da in front of them?! OF COURSE I'll have to call you Watcher! That or Giles."

"I do wish you wouldn't." The request was said in a whisper, but being a vampire…Spike heard it.

"I have to. If they knew…" Spike shook his head not wanting to continue. The ramifications of the others finding out…it was a risk he couldn't take…because honestly – he didn't know what they would do.

Everyone had been long gone when he had found out the secret that had been kept by the Watcher's council all those years. The blighters knew that he was Rupert Giles' son. It was the reason they had sent the female Watcher to interview him when they had learned Buffy was going to fight Glory. The bastards had actually had another library of the council hidden in India that he had uncovered. It had been in tatters when he had found it…but the knowledge that he had gained had placed him on the path he was currently on.

He just couldn't tell his father the truth.

It would destroy him knowing it. That he was sure of.

"Look. You want me to call you Da...and in all honesty - don't know if I can. I can promise you this though…I want to know what happened. I want to know why I grew up without a father and right now…right now I have to make sure that Adam doesn't kill a child when that psycho you tried to scare last night Professor Walsh wakes him up like Frankenstein's monster."

"I beg your pardon?" Giles' eyes furrowed with a look of 'what' written across his face.

Spike let out a sigh knowing that this was more than likely going to happen every time he warned of an up in coming evil on the horizon. Problem being that Adam literally walked around during the day when he killed the little boy. And he had found a way. In the Watcher's library in India he had found reference to the ring of Amara and had rolled his eyes at the text about ready to chuck it when his eyes had caught something.

The translation had one letter added to it that changed everything for him.

Instead of the rough translation of Gem of Amara….it read GEMS of Amara.

He had been an idiot to think that a vampire would only enchant one gem to allow them the ability to walk in the day. That's why a group of vampires had been searching for it together in the tenth century. Amara had enchanted several stones.

"Room 314. The project is an amalgamation of human, demon, and robot. That's why the Initiative is here. The military was planning to use the supernatural to form the perfect soldier. Of course it backfires spectacularly."

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose again as the 'of course' of why the military was in Sunnydale could now have been any less obvious.

"Buffy's boy Finn doesn't know he's part of the plan too. As much as I hate the wanker…he might be a match for your Slayer."

Something in the way Spike said the words made Giles stop pinching his nose and scrutinize Spike's face.

Clenching his jaw Spike knew he shouldn't have added the last bit. Best to drop the next bomb about the gem to keep his father from dwelling on what he shouldn't be.

"I found out that there's another Gem of Amara. Gonna use it to help save the boy…then I'll give it to you for safe keeping until I need it again. Don't want to risk using it all the time and someone seeing me. Let alone Adam."

Giles put up a hand in a 'stop' fashion and went to sit down and scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling haggard by all of the information.

Spike smiled wickedly. "Still want me to give you 'as much detail' as possible?"

"I stand corrected." Giles said as he tried to wrap his mind around everything.

"Right then. You should get back to your flat. Anya and Xander should be about it tomorrow mornin'. And do yourself a favor. Just give the lad some dosh…don't buy a thing from him." Spike said as he went to go pick up his leather jacket, not quite prepared to wear it again, but knowing he didn't have a choice. It had kept the tracker from penetrating his back even deeper. He was going to have to wear it tonight.

"Oh..yes. Speaking of money…" Giles withdrew the three hundred dollars he was handing it to Spike when Spike shook his head with a laugh.

"Don't really need it old man. Used it for Jack and cigs last time…but I stay away from 'em now. Do need to buy blood though. Won't do it tonight…know I'll lose it if I do."

Giles' extended hand holding out the money felt odd suddenly and quickly he withdrew his hand and blinked a few times before responding.

"Well then I can buy some for you and keep it at the flat. You said you would be by tomorrow anyway. I can always say I still had some from when you lived with me…which um…if you…if you wanted to…" Giles tried to sound almost flippant in his invitation for Spike to return to his home…but Spike shook his head.

"Can't do that. Look to suspicious to the Slayer." Spike said with the shrugging of shoulders. Of course there were other reasons…but right now was not the time.

Giles nodded his head in understanding, and oddly disappointment. If Spike could have stayed with him they could have conversations in pri…

"Don't look all pathetic like! I'll bloody still be AROUND. Annoying you. Let's face it…it's a good thing I'm not over at the flat with you havin' that lady friend of yours over from time to time."

And those words caused a blush to sudden take hold on Rupert's face as the knowledge that his son had first had knowledge of his very intimate relationship with women.

Not that Spike was a boy or anything of the such…but still…it was embarrassing for one's child to know such things.

'Dear Lord it's like Buffy knowing about me and Joyce.'

Nodding his head he let Spike know he agreed and quickly asked a question as he stood up and made his way to the door.

"When exactly will you be speaking with Joyce?"

"Soon. Need you to know that I'm gonna let her in on a little more than you. She deserves to know more." Spike said with a side glance at his father.

"I agree." Giles said nodding his head to the side the way he sometimes did.

"Now for all that is holy remember to act all shocked like when everything I said starts happening." Spike said as he walked with him towards the door, a gesture that was not lost on Giles. Especially since the sun was still very much out and quite dangerous for Spike.

"Do be careful tonight." Giles winced as he realized it was a common phrase he said to Buffy.

Spike rolled his eyes. "You'll see me tomorrow mornin'! Don't exactly have phone to give you a ring now do I?"

Oddly, Giles realized that it was not soon enough for his liking. A plan formed in his head to purchase a cellphone for him so that they could keep in contact more effectively. Damn things caused a fortune though. But due to these outstanding circumstances he didn't give a damn about the money.

"Well then….I'll see you tomorrow morning." Giles opened the door carefully to not allow any sunlight into the crypt and began to make his way out of the cemetery, each step making him feel more and more anxious.

Spike let out a huge sigh. Closing his eyes he tried not to think of what Buffy would be doing that day. Tried not to worry about her fight in a cage against two altered demons. Tried not to think about her laying under…

Spike shook his head and opened his eyes.

No.

No more being jealous. No more aching for her. No more thinking he had a right to her.

What he did now was for her now. It was for her now. Everything was always for her.

Chapter End Notes:

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