Two on a Train- chapter 6
Another credit to the writers, staff, etc. of the Golden Girls. I used a line or two from the show!
Tony awoke first, regretting falling asleep in such an awkward position, half in the chair, half on the bed. He tried not to moan too loud as to not wake Angela. He rubbed his neck and stood up to stretch. He looked at his watch and saw that it was just past 10:00pm. They had been sleeping for over an hour or so. He realized he'd been at the hospital almost 12 hours. He thought about calling home to give an update, but knowing the time, he thought the better of it. No phone calls were ever good after 10:00pm at night. He thought he might ask Samantha to pack a bag for the three of them instead of him going home. With Mona's condition so critical, he couldn't think of leaving Angela's side for that long. If something happened to Mona, he needed to be right here by her side.
He decided he needed to stretch his legs and took a short walk down the hallway. He asked the nurse for any updates on Mona but she was still in surgery. He decided to head to the vending machine and pick up a drink, despite having some in Angela's room. He remembered vividly his days in the hospital with Marie, pacing up and down hallways just like these. He'd find every excuse to step out of her room when the nurses came in to administer her medications, change her bandages and at the end, provide palliative care. He ended up drinking at least five sodas, eating six candy bars and three bags of chips each day, just so he could get some space.
He grabbed a soda from the machine and headed back towards Angela's room. He carefully opened the door to make sure he didn't make any noise. Thankfully, she was still asleep when he entered the room. He took his seat again and grabbed some of the magazines. His mind wouldn't allow him to focus on anything he was trying to read. After a few minutes of reading and rereading the same passages, he put it down and tried to close his eyes again. After a fitful few minutes, he was back asleep again.
At a little past 1:00am, the doctors came into Angela's room. Tony was awakened first and immediately woke up Angela. They both were quite groggy but came to a fully awakened state once they saw the doctors.
"Mr. and Mrs. Bower, your mother has stabilized for now. We were able to control the bleeding in the brain and she is back in the ICU. I need to warn you that she is still in critical condition. Her heart stopped twice during the surgery and we won't know if and when she wakes up if there was any damage to her brain from the lack of oxygen. Like I said, the next 12-24 hours are still going to be critical. We are going to keep a constant watch on her to make sure her vitals remain stable. You can go and visit her first thing tomorrow morning" said the doctor.
"Will you keep us posted if there's any change?" asked Angela.
"Yes of course. I'll have my staff come up in the morning with an update, if not sooner" said the doctor as they walked out of the room.
"See that Angela! She's a fighter! She's gonna pull through this, if nothing else to ask that one doctor out on a date!" chuckled Tony.
Angela couldn't help but smile at Tony's words. She agreed the only thing that her mother would wake up for would be a handsome male. Despite Tony's words, she just couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling deep down inside her gut that something was wrong, that something was going to go wrong. She tried her best to shake the thoughts out of her mind.
"Tony, would you mind getting me something to drink? Just one of those drinks we got earlier… thanks" she said.
"Of course Angela. Can I get you anything else?" asked Tony as he grabbed her a bottle of water.
"No Tony, just the water, thank you. Tony… I just cant shake this feeling that this isn't going to be alright, that something is going to go wrong. I'm trying to stay positive… but it's so hard…"
she said as she wiped tears from her eyes.
"Eh oh, oh eh! She's gonna pull through this, I know it! You've been through such a traumatic experience today, your emotions are gonna be on overdrive and all over the place. You need to get some more sleep Angela if you can- hospitals are for recovering but I've found they don't make it easy to sleep!" said Tony as he helped her adjust her pillow.
"Tony… you don't have to answer this, but it's been on my mind. Is… is being here too much for you? Too much of a reminder of Marie?" she asked quietly.
Tony was taken aback, wondering if she knew his earlier thoughts about Marie. He looked down at this hands and thought about how he was going to answer.
"To be honest Angela… it's hard. Hospitals are a reminder of Marie, I can't lie and say any different. Seeing Mona like that… with all the medical equipment, the doctors and nurses hovering over her, even the doctor's conversations… in many ways it's like deja vu all over again. The smells are the worst- I don't think that disinfectant smell ever leaves your memory. As hard as that is though, the worst part of all of this was seeing you that first time, lying in the bed. When you see the person you lo… care about very much lying in the bed hurt, there's no worse pain. When I saw the news report about the train crash and then the hospital called, my heart practically stopped beating. To know you were hurt but no idea how bad, if you were going to be okay…" Tony said, stopping as he started to choke up.
"Oh Tony… I'm so sorry you had to go through that… I thankfully don't remember much of the crash, otherwise I'm not sure I'd ever be able to sleep, or be away from you for more than a few moments. As it is, it's hard enough…" she said as she looked down at her hands.
"I'm not going anywhere Angela, okay? I never told you this… or really anyone else. The weeks leading up to Marie's death, I pretty much camped out at the hospital. I still had to work my day job, but once I finished and checked up on Samantha, I'd head back and sleep the night next to Marie. She kept telling me I needed to go home, get a good night's sleep. I kept saying no… I mean how could I leave her knowing… knowing our time was short. Finally one night, she finally convinced me to head home. I kissed her goodbye and headed home. By the time I got home, I got a call from the hospital that she was gone…" he said as tears began to fall down his face.
Angela could only wipe away her own tears as words wouldn't come. She grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. She maneuvered him into an awkward hug as he moved in closer to her and wrapped his arms around her body. He had cried in front of her before, even earlier that day, but nothing compared to the cascade of tears that came running down his face. He could barely catch his breath as the tears came- for Marie, for Mona, for the emotional rollercoaster they'd been on all day. All Angela could do was hold him until both of their tears began to subside. Finally they pulled back, but stayed closer together than usual.
"That must have been horrible Tony. And to think you've kept that in all these years. I'm so sorry Tony. Marie was so lucky to have you and you her… you must miss her so much…" she said.
"Yes I miss her, but it's not like it was, if that makes sense. The grief is still there- there are moments like today where it feels like it just happened but otherwise most of the time it feels like a lifetime away. The grief, the pain doesn't lessen, it's more like life just gets bigger. I don't know if I'm making any sense…" he said as he trailed off.
"You are Tony. I remember when my father died, I tried so hard to keep myself together, especially since Mother fell apart. I tried to focus on tasks, getting things checked off my never ending to-do list. That's probably where my need to make lists for everything started, my need to have control over things I couldn't control. As much as I tried to act like everything was fine, I'd have these moments where the pain was so great, I'd just lose it. Years later, I'd see a photograph, smell his cologne on a colleague, hear one of his favorite songs on the radio, and I'd just fall apart. It doesn't make any sense, but then again, I don't think it's supposed to…" she said as she took his hand in hers, lightly squeezing his hand.
"Tony… if something happens to Mother… I'll be an orphan. I won't be anyone's little girl anymore…" she said as tears rolled down her face again.
"I know Angela. I felt the same way when my dad died. It was like there wasn't anyone to be proud of me anymore. No one to protect me… sounds crazy as an adult, but when you lose a parent, it doesn't really matter if you're five or thirty-five… you still feel like that little kid. Okay, this conversation has really gotten deep! We need to remember that was then and this is now! Mona isn't your dad and she isn't Marie. She's made it through this far, there's no reason to believe she's not going to keep pulling through! She's tough as nails! We have to remember that!" he said.
"Yes you're right Tony" she said as she wiped away the remaining tears from her face.
"Can I get you anything Angela?" he asked.
"No Tony I'm fine. I… I know this might be out of line and this bed really isn't meant for two, but do you think you can hold me for a bit? I'd understand if it would be too weird… it's just… there's something calming, comforting having you close…" she said quietly.
"Of course Angela. It is small but it can't be any worse than that chair!" he laughed as he scooted onto the bed. It took a moment to get adjusted, Tony incredibly careful not to accidentally touch her healing leg. They finally found a comfortable position, similar to the one they ended up in on the top of the billboard a few years earlier. They snuggled into one another and soon Angela was asleep. She curled into him even further once she settled into a deep sleep. Tony enjoyed the feeling of Angela's body up against his own, watching her sleep peacefully. He had so many conflicting thoughts running through his head, but he wasn't in the mood or had the energy to think about any of them right now. After a few minutes, he too was back asleep.
The next morning, they were woken up by the nurse coming to check on Angela, taking her vitals and giving her medication. While the nurse was changing her bandages, Tony opted to head to the pay phone and call home. Jonathan picked up the phone on the first ring. Samantha jumped on the other extension moments later. He wondered if they slept in the living room or had even slept at all by the sound of their voices. He updated them about Mona, trying to sound as optimistic as possible, but not doing the best job. He asked Samantha to bring him a couple day's worth of clothing and toiletries as well as similar items for Angela and Mona. Until Mona was more out of the woods and/or Angela was discharged, he couldn't leave the hospital. Thank goodness he showered yesterday morning but he really did need to freshen up. He tried to insist they both go to classes but neither of them could be convinced and Tony wasn't in the mood to argue. He asked them to come to Angela's room and then they could divide their time between Mona and Angela.
After hanging up with the kids, Tony headed to the cafeteria and picked them both up some coffee, juice and some breakfast. He headed back into Angela's room, surprised to hear voices coming from inside. Figuring it was the doctor, he walked into the room.
"Hey Angela I got us some breakfast…" Tony started to say as he stopped himself as he realized the other voice in the room was Andy's. Angela looked like a deer caught in the headlights, looking back and forth between Tony and Andy. Andy looked over Tony, realizing that he was in the same clothes as yesterday.
"I just stopped in on my way to work. Angela was giving me the updates on Mona. It sounds like she's doing well under the circumstances. I'm glad you are here for… her" he said as he pulled the chair over to her bed and sat down.
"Yes… what are housekeepers for… well I better head back down and see Mona. Let me just grab my breakfast and I'll be on my way. I'll call with any updates" he said as he glanced quickly at Angela before walking out of the room.
He quickly ate his breakfast on his way to the ICU. He stopped at the nurse's station to get an update. Mona had remained stable throughout the night, no improvements but no setbacks either. He slowly and quietly entered the room.
"Hey Mona! It's Tony. You gave us quite a scare yesterday… I'd appreciate it if you didn't do that again alright? You're really putting us through the wringer… although I'm sure you're enjoying seeing us a hot mess!" he chuckled. He half expected her to sit up and make some sarcastic comment at Angela or his expense.
"Oh Mona… I could really use one of our talks about right now. I need your advice badly because I'm so confused! Old what's his face as you love to call all of Angela's boyfriends, is up visiting her right now. I mean that makes sense… he is her boyfriend… but Angela and I… we've gotten closer since this has all happened. We even… kissed" he said. He was certain he'd get some kinda reaction from Mona with that revelation, but sadly the only sound was that of the monitors beeping a steady rhythm.
"Anyway… I'm still with Kathleen! She's with Andy! It couldn't work out… could it? Oh Mona I don't know what to do! Do I dump Kathleen and wait for Angela? Do I keep going out with her when… when I love Angela? I love Angela? I love Angela! Yes I do! I've loved her for a long time… I've just been afraid to lose what we've had, but I almost lost everything yesterday. If I lost her without her ever knowing how I felt about her… I'd never forgive myself. Okay! I know what I need to do! Thanks Mona…" he said as he squeezed her hand.
Just then, the phone rang and Tony picked it up. "Hi Angela… yes she's doing about the same. I checked in with the nurses station. I'm going to stay up here a little bit longer and then come back. The kids should be coming back this morning… yes I know I tried reasoning with them but… exactly… oh great! It will be good for you to stand up I'm sure… oh he did… yes Angela, I think we need to talk when I get back. I realized something just now and… you did? Oh Angela I'm sorry. I thought you two had a connection… I see. Okay I'll be down soon and we can… talk… bye Angela" he said, a smile growing wider on his face.