Chapter 39
It was the morning of departure and Leanna made certain she was well packed early enough. Sleep had eluded her for days, her restlessness had grown stronger for whatever reason instead of the relief that should've come with the breaking of the dawn. She ignored the discomfort she felt all around and waited by the window.
A knock rasped against her door and Leanna answered for the first time in two weeks. Her gaze was still fixed on the window when the door opened to reveal Gwuineth who had come with servants.
"We are here to take your things, my Queen" Leanna turned to look at Gwuineth and nodded. She had taken to calling her by that title and as uncomfortable as it was to hear it, she did not wish to go through the hassle of correcting her. She found herself too despairing to even care at the moment.
She watched as they took her bags and filed out of her room with Gwuineth being the last the leave. The gracefull elleth moved to leave when she caught sight of the items tucked somewhere in the corner and stopped.
"I did not know you went down to the markets, had I known I could've accompanied you"
"I was merely taking a walk through the market stalls, though when returned I found these on my bed" Leanna said, staring at the elleth pointedly.
"I suppose you think me unfair, childish even for doing this" Leanna said watching the events and bustling of elves beyond the premise of her window.
"Although I do not blame you for your actions, nothing will be gained or resolved in this manner..." Gwuineth spoke earnestly with sadness in her eyes. "...Your majesty, you will only cause more pain to yourself and to him, the only way left now is forward"
"So is he to have my forgiveness? After what he's done?" Leanna asked quietly, her heart mourning at the unfairness of it all.
"What do you hope to achieve now in all of this?" Gwuineth asked gently, hoping to find a way through to the wounded girl's heart.
"Because I will not be taken for a fool any further! I let myself believe that I was in the wrong as much as everyone else was, that maybe there was a side to him that people didn't see or wish to see..." Leanna whispered fiercely as she looked back at Gwuineth, her pain filled eyes glistening with unshed tears. "...but instead he's proven what's been true this entire time, that I only dreamed in foolishness and now I'm paying for it in a way I could never have imagined..."
"No, I promise you this, if anyone has become the fool, it is certainly not you and it may offer you consolation to know that he suffers greatly, much more than you think for his own folly"
"I do not want his suffering or consolation! I need to undo all of it and put it-" Leanna staggered, feeling weakness overtake her immediately. Her hands struck out, seeking support from the wall to break her fall.
Alarmed, Gwuineth rushed to her side and held her until she was steady on her feet once more. She touched Leanna's forehead and noted the slight fever running.
"Are you alright?" Gwuineth asked in urgency, looking her pale face over.
"I-I'm fine, I'm alright"
"You're running a fever, we must take you to a healer or your body may get worse"
"No, I cannot delay any further than I already have, I'll be fine once, we reach Dale I'll see a healer there" Leanna said lowly.
"I do not think riding in this condition would be best, perhaps delaying a day or two to get stronger is a wiser idea"
"I assure you Gwuineth, I'm alot stronger than I look, even now" Leanna insisted, her gaze told Gwuineth she no intention of doing as she suggested and the worried elleth sighed.
"I will prepare herbs and potion for the fever to ease your journey" Gwuineth said, once she was sure Leanna could stand well on her own.
"Thank you...I would like some Lembas and dried fruit, if the kitchens have some to spare" Leanna added as she noted Gwuineth leaving.
"Of course your majesty, I will see that you certainly have enough" Gwuineth smiled, it would be the first time in three weeks their Queen consort had requested for anything and it pleased her in no small way to see her finally hungry enough to eat.
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Leanna walked quietly to the entrance of the gate, her gaze set solely on the archway guarded by the warriors of the kingdom. Ignoring the gestures of reverence displayed by the residents of the castle, all she could think about was home.
In a simple dark blue dress which was her preferred choice of clothing for travel, Leanna came out of the castle gates and paused at the scene before her. Thranduil was seated upon Tallahir locked in a discussion with Galion who went silent the moment he saw her. Thranduil noting his councillor's silence, turned to his line of sight and found silent go silent as well.
It was hard to conceal her surprise, and as quickly as it came she wiped it off her face, choosing to remain aloof and willfully ignorant of his presence. She went over to the horse the escorts had prepared for her and got on all the while uttering nothing.
"Your majesty" Galion approached her, bowing as she cast gaze towards him. Noting her silence still, he glanced at Thranduil from the corner of his eye before continuing.
"While I am loathe to see you leave under such unpleasant circumstances, I do hope you will have a change of heart by the time you're able to return..." Galion looked at Leanna, hopeful for some kind of response and she blinked lazily instead.
"It is an unpleasant circumstance for anyone in my situation Lord Galion, though whether or not I should have a change of heart in the nearest future or if at all, is not up to me" She glared coldly at Thranduil as she ended her response, his expression devoid of any emotion at all.
She turned away from him and gripped the reigns of her horse intent on steering it away from the view of others. Feeling tensed and suffocated, she wished to leave these lands immediately, with no desire to delay despite her body's loss of strength.
Gwuineth came from the crowd, holding a sack filled with dry fruit and Lembas. She fastened the sack tightly and safely on to the saddle of Leanna horse and nodded at her as she did so.
Thranduil noting the final preparations complete, ordered the guards to move in formation with Leanna being in the centre and set out into the forest as the rest of kingdom saw them off.
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They had left the forest and were on the plains once more. She was somewhat used to the journey though she did not remember her escorts needing to make this many stops on the way and while she would not say it, she was grateful they did. Lately her strength had been failing her and though she tried to find the reason why, she had been unsuccessful.
"Aran in, we have found a place to camp round a small bushel about a league from here, we will scout the perimeter and find some food" Feran reported to Thranduil who had his sights elsewhere. The captain took his silence as consent and slinked away into the shadows of the setting sun, taking a few of the warriors with him.
She had been breathing too harshly. From the start of the journey he had sensed her fatigue so much that he knew she was doing too much to shut him out entirely. He understood her anger with him but that did not erase the worry he felt each time he watched her move and oh how he had watched her, despite her poor pretence of ignorance to him.
Thranduil had never been in a situation where he was deemed wrong or unjustified in his actions. If anything as King, he was deemed infallible, his judgement regardless of who heard it, unquestionable and undeniable. And yet his shoulders remained tensed, his heart bruised and dare he say, fearful.
Feran and the others returned, deeming their latest campsite safe enough to rest in. He had no concerns over Feran's decisions, the least of his concerns at the moment was the safety of their company, owing to Thranduil's ruthlessness should Feran exact any sign of carelessness.
They moved to their campsite with some of the warriors heading off to clean their latest kill of hares. The smell of dead game hit Leanna's senses and she immediately rose from her seat. Though she did not enjoy the smell of blood in any way, the stench she smelt churned her stomach unpleasantly.
She moved quickly from the campsite, the action raising alarm in Thranduil as he too rose from his position to follow her quietly. The further away she moved away from the smell, the better she felt. Passing through a few sparse treelings, she heard a trickling sound of water and followed it to a small stream flowing in a narrow groove.
A snort sounded from the side and she turned to see Tallahir walking gently to her. Leanna smiled at the majestic beast coming to keep her company. The great elk dropped a small branch filled with ripened wild berries into her lap.
"For me?" Leanna looked at the gift offering and felt her lip quiver with emotion. Tallahir bellowed, seeming to insist she eat the berries, he gently nudged her belly and bellowed again.
Thranduil had watched from his position a ways from the duo in plain interest. He was beyond grateful to his friend for the care he was showing his wife... his wife, even now she remained determined to deny him what little chance he sought for redemption.
He wished above all else to hold her in his arms and damn the consequences but she would sooner drown him in the Anduin than allow him get so close to her. For now he would be forced to rely on Galion's plan and if that too failed, he would be contented to make his high councillor, the bearer of his misery till the end of days were upon them.
Leanna are the red and blue berries gingerly, her stomach quickly recovering from the sudden attack of nausea she felt earlier. She continued eating the sour berries and followed the great elks line of sight. Seeing nothing in her line of sight, she looked at Tallahir once more who turned to look at the small woman before him.
"Oh I know..." Leanna whispered as she rose to her feet. "...he's always nearby these days, even when I can't see him, I feel him near" she swallowed thickly.
She missed him, his quips, sharp tongue and more importantly, his touch, oh how she missed the feel of him close to her. The feeling of longing had become almost unbearable but she would not relent. He insisted still on keeping his pride despite knowing what was necessary to resolve this matter. Tallahir licked her cheek in his attempt to lend her comfort and she smiled at the gesture.
"I suppose you would have me forgive him too..." Tallahir snorted and nudged her in the direction of the camp as his answer.
"Alright alright I'll go" Leanna gave in and moved back into the campsite, making certain to stay far enough from the spit roasting by the fire. She looked around and instantly caught his eyes, turning away from his never ending and insisting gaze to focus on the fire.
Picking through some of the dried fruit in her small sack, she licked her lips as she chewed the sweet morsels slowly, looking up again to find the one elf she needed to get away from, still watching her. She had been furious at the thought of him interfering in her plans for some time away, however it greatly irritated her that a part of her still felt joy over his determination to reconcile with her.
It was well into the night, feeling tired and sleepy Leanna took the cloak from her bag with the intent to spread it on the ground, when a shadow cast over her form. Looking up, she rose from her position as Feran offered her a cloak with a cautious smile.
Leanna looked at the weary ellon and then to Thranduil whose attention seemed to be elsewhere. Sighing out in irritation, she took the cloak and watched the head knight spread a thicker cloth on the floor, wrapping the cloak around her as she did.
Thranduil looked over at her, his heart swelling as she accepted what she knew was a peace offering from him. He yearned so much to speak to her, to touch her, the feeling of longing growing even more painful at the sight of her wrapped in his robes.
It smelled like him, she thought as she laid down on the soft cloth, covering herself in the cloak she knew was Thranduil's. The cold did not affect her yes, but she couldn't deny the great deal of relief she felt. Closing her eyes, she delivered herself willingly to darkness, she would allow herself to dream of him tonight.