This chapter is nice and long, simply because I didn't want to break it in two. I hope you enjoy!
Finding Peace – Part 1
Chapter 5
Steve rolled onto his side and tugged his fiancée into the curve of his body, throwing an arm over her waist. He nuzzled the blue star tattoo on the back of her neck and then moved to her ear.
"Hmmm… we need to get up soon, don't we?" she murmured.
"Probably," he said with a sigh. "I'm looking forward to seeing your parents, but I'm going to miss having you all to myself."
She placed a hand on his arm that was draped over her. "Me, too. It's probably not too late to just get married here."
"Are you kidding?" he asked. "After all the work your mom did? No, we are not canceling last-minute. Your parents would hate me, and I definitely prefer to be on my in-laws' good side."
She laughed lightly. "You are. They love you. They always have."
"I still have a hard time with that. I would have figured they blamed me for us not getting married sooner."
She rolled onto her back to look up at him. "I made sure they never blamed you," she told him somberly. "For any of it. Early on, they understood how hard it was, with both of us on active duty, and I think they knew that we loved each other and just kept hoping we'd eventually make it official. Then later… I made sure they knew it was me who left. They were sad that we weren't together, but I think they still hoped we'd get our happy ending."
"And we will. In like 58 hours." He shifted and dipped his head to kiss her.
She was breathless when she pushed him away gently. "Easy there, sailor. As much as I want to stay in this bed with you, if we don't get on the road soon, we're going to be late for our appointment and dinner with my parents, and my dad hates that."
He groaned. "I know. You're right. You want to join me in the shower?"
She smiled. "I think we have time for that, if we make it quick."
They managed to shower, gather their belongings, and check out of the hotel on time to get on the road headed south. They stopped in Virginia to have their meeting with Catherine's doctor and then continued on their way to South Carolina. They rode in silence for a while, both mulling over what they'd learned from the physician.
She'd confirmed what Catherine had read, that getting pregnant would likely be an uphill battle for them, given their ages and his transplant medications and radiation poisoning. They'd decided to have her IUD removed so they could officially start trying to get pregnant, although with the expectation that it would take months for them to succeed.
She could not stop the thoughts that were rolling around in her head, though. That she was holding Steve back from the family he wanted and deserved to have.
"Stop thinking about it," he admonished quietly, breaking her out of her reverie.
She cocked an eyebrow at him. "What am I thinking about?"
He glanced over. "That it's somehow your fault that getting pregnant will be an uphill battle.
She shook her head. "If I hadn't—"
"No," he interrupted sharply.
She studied him for a moment. "You're angry."
"No," he denied instantly, then amended, "maybe a little." He sighed. "But not because it's going to be a challenge to have a baby. Because you're still blaming yourself."
"If I hadn't left and we'd gotten married years ago. we might already have kids. I know how much you want them."
"I do," he acknowledged. "But I want you more. I'll keep repeating it as long as you need me to, but I'm getting frustrated that you don't seem to believe me." He glanced over. "This wrinkle, it doesn't change anything. I'm happy Catherine. Happier than I've ever been and that's because of you. If we have kids someday that would be great. But if we don't, I'll still be happy as long as I have you. You're all I need. So, stop thinking that I'd be better off with some fertile, younger woman. For all we know, I might not be able to get you pregnant, and that would be on me."
"You can't blame yourself—"
He cut her off. "Neither can you. What if we got tested and found out that you had the eggs of a 20-year-old, but it was my sperm that were the problem? Would you blame me?"
Her brow was furrowed as she shook her head. "No. Never. I would want to be with you regardless."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yes," she answered vehemently.
"Then why can't you believe I feel the same way?"
She opened her mouth and closed it before opening it again to reply. "I… I don't know. You're right. I'm sorry."
He sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten frustrated. You can't help how you feel." He checked his mirrors and changed lanes. "I just… I didn't realize this was still bothering you. Should we think about pushing out the wedding?"
She looked over in alarm. "What? Why? Is that what you want?"
He shook his head. "No. But if you're still struggling with this… I mean, we are doing this kind of fast. Getting married means you're tying your life to mine forever. Have you really thought about out what that would mean? Not just as far as having kids, but I could get sick. Really sick. And—"
"Now you stop," she chastised gently. "If you get sick, then I'll take care of you. We can put that in our vows because I mean it."
"And if we had kids, you might have to raise them alone."
"Don't…" She shook her head, her eyes damp. "I don't want to think about that."
"Cath, we need—"
"No, we don't. Not right now. For now… can we just focus on our wedding? Please?"
He sighed and glanced over. "Ignoring it isn't going to make it go away."
"I know. But I feel like this is the start of the rest of our lives, and I don't want to think about the ending. Besides," she added with forced levity, "you promised never to leave me, remember?"
He reached for her hand. "I did. And I'll keep that promise as long as I can, Cath. But we both know there are some things outside of our control."
She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I want to be with you. For as long as we have left. And I hope it's a really long time." She studied his profile for a moment. "But if this changes things for you, you need to tell me."
He glanced over and met her gaze briefly before returning his attention to the road. "It doesn't."
"Are you sure?" she asked, her voice wobbly. "We don't have to get married. We can be together without the rings and the piece of paper, but—"
"Stop," he chided gently. "It means more than that and you know it. Nothing's changed. I want more than anything to be married to you. And I'll let it go, for now, because I know we'll be able to handle whatever comes, as long as we're together."
"We will be. I'm not going anywhere."
He glanced over with a smile. "Neither am I." He lifted her hand to his lips to kiss it. "I love you, you know."
She nodded. "I love you, too, Steve. So much."
They arrived at Elizabeth and Patrick Rollins' home in the early evening. Catherine's parents were happy to see both their daughter and future son-in-law and were thrilled about the upcoming nuptials. Elizabeth had prepared a delicious meal and the four of them lingered at the table as they finished off their second bottle of wine. The elder couple were curious about recent events in Steve's life and what the younger couple had been up to since leaving Oahu. They talked for hours, until Catherine, feeling the effects of a couple of nights of limited sleep, started yawning and they all retired for the night. Because she was exhausted and feeling slightly crampy, Steve simply held her in his arms as they drifted off to sleep.
The following morning, the betrothed couple were up early and headed to the airport to retrieve Mary and Joan and return them to the Rollins' house. Elizabeth and Patrick welcomed the female McGarretts with open arms and it warmed Steve's heart. Catherine's parents had been the only semblance of a family unit he'd known for years after his father had sent him away. After their first meeting at one of Catherine's promotion ceremonies, they had welcomed him into their midst and extended a sincere invitation for him to join them at their home for the holidays whenever he could. He'd done so more than once and had enjoyed those occasions. They'd always treated him like the son-in-law they'd hoped he'd one day become, and he was thrilled they'd so easily incorporated his sister and niece into the fold as well.
Given the early hour, Mary decided to stay at the house with Joan so the youngster could get acclimated while Steve and Catherine took care of an important errand – visiting the closest probate court to apply for their marriage license. The paperwork was completed and finalized but subject to a 24-hour waiting period, so Steve planned to return early on Friday to pick up the document.
They returned to the house for breakfast with their family, then Catherine headed off with her mother, future sister-in-law, and niece to find a dress while Steve went with his future father-in-law to deliver his suit to the tailor. He and Patrick made a couple more stops and returned to the house about an hour before everyone else.
They were sitting in chairs at the edge of the beach with beers in hand when Steve sensed his fiancée's presence. He turned to look and smiled to see her approaching from the direction of the house. "Hey." He stood and moved in her direction to meet her, giving her a kiss on the lips. "You get your dress?"
She smiled. "Yes, and I'm not telling you about it."
"I didn't ask," he said with a smirk as they returned to where her father was still seated.
"Hi, Dad."
"Hi, sweetheart." He tipped his beer at her with a smile. "You didn't by any chance bring me another one of these, did you?"
She laughed lightly. "No. I came to tell you we're starting dinner in half an hour."
Elizabeth had thought Joan might enjoy being involved in the meal preparation process and had found a recipe and the tools needed for Pici, a homemade pasta that could be rolled by hand. Steve had been touched by her thoughtfulness toward his niece and was looking forward to participating.
"Should we go in now to help set up?" he asked his fiancée.
She studied him for a moment. "You really are looking forward to this, aren't you?"
He looked at her quizzically. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"
She shrugged. "No reason. Mom said she doesn't need us yet, so…"
"So, we should probably stay out of the kitchen until she's ready," Patrick stated.
Steve resumed his seat and tugged her hand until she settled on his knee. He offered her his beer and she reached for it and took a sip before handing it back.
"You want me to get you one?" he asked.
She smiled. "No, I'll just share yours. So, what were you guys talking about?"
Steve grimaced. "Football."
"Did you know he's a Redskins fan?" Patrick asked his daughter.
She sighed. "Yes, Dad. But I overlook it because he has so many other redeeming qualities." She aimed a soft smile at her fiancé to take some of the sting out of her words.
Steve feigned offense. "Says the Cowboys fan."
Patrick looked over. "Now, Steve, we talked about this—"
"Yes, sir, we did," the former SEAL interrupted with a grin. "And I respect your opinion, but we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one."
Patrick chuckled and tipped his beer toward his future son-in-law. "Fair enough."
An hour later the Rollins' large kitchen was filled with the sounds of joyful conversation and laughter. They'd formed an assembly line of sorts and after only a few minutes all of them had flour on them somewhere, but nobody cared.
Steve and Catherine had promptly turned the experience into a good-natured competition and were busy comparing the size and consistency of their noodles while simultaneously doting on Joan and applauding her efforts.
Mary was capturing photos and videos of her daughter and laughing at the adults who were acting more like children. She watched as her brother tried to distract his fiancée so he could gain an advantage while her father encouraged her from the other side of the island countertop. Eventually, Steve resorted to less-than-honorable methods and tried to box Catherine out to utilize the advantage of his longer reach but they ended up tangled together, laughing and covered in flour. Mary watched surreptitiously while the couple's eyes met and locked until Steve dipped his head and captured his fiancée's lips in a sweet kiss.
The embrace lasted only a few seconds, but it was obvious that they were very happy and very much in love and it warmed the younger McGarrett's heart to see her brother so content. She could only hope that someday she'd find someone who loved her like Steve loved Catherine.
Elizabeth, who had been overseeing the controlled chaos and enjoying every minute of it, also caught the couple's moment and shared a warm smile with Mary. When Steve leaned down for another kiss, though, she felt it was time to bring them back to the present.
She cleared her throat gently and said, "Steve, would you mind going in the other room and grabbing the wine?"
He paused partway to Catherine's lips and looked up as she sent her mother a small scowl. "Not at all," he said with a smile. "Is there anything else you need?"
She smiled innocently at both of them. "No, just the wine. Thank you."
"Aye, aye, ma'am," he teased and dropped a kiss on his fiancée's temple before stepping away to do as Elizabeth requested.
Catherine moved closer to her mother and said softly, "Really, Mom?"
"While it warms my heart to see how much that man loves you, and how happy the two of you are," the elder Rollins woman told her daughter with a smile, "there will be plenty of time for that tomorrow."
Catherine rolled her eyes gently but didn't protest, instead moving closer to where Patrick was assisting Joan with her noodle-rolling technique.
When Steve returned with the wine in hand, he lingered in the doorway for a moment watching the scene in front of him. The room was filled with the love and laughter of multiple generations.
They were a family.
His family - something he hadn't had since he was 16 years old.
His mother's death and father's abandonment had shattered any sense of safety and security he'd ever known. The Navy had offered him a brotherhood and he'd formed familial bonds in the SEALs with men he loved like siblings and for whom he would have given his life. But it wasn't until he'd met Catherine that his heart had begun to heal. She and their feelings for each other had sustained him through the losses of his honorary brother Freddie Hart and then his father almost immediately thereafter.
Returning to his childhood home had been difficult but he'd found another family unit there, his Five-0 team and 'ohana. He'd reunited with his sister and started having more regular contact with Catherine and had started to regain some of what he'd lost as a teen.
When she'd settled on the island and he'd experienced the permanence of having her with him full time, he'd finally started to believe he could have again some of what he'd lost 20 years earlier. But that had been shattered by the heartbreak of her departure from his life and then the subsequent losses of his Aunt Deb and more especially Joe White and then his mother.
Finding Catherine again had allowed him to begin to mend what had been broken. As he stood watching the love of his life interact with her family and his, he realized with a smile that he and his sister had finally found something they'd been missing for almost 30 years.
He moved into the room and handed the wine to Elizabeth, then stepped forward, clapping an hand warmly on Patrick's shoulder before wrapping an arm around Catherine on one side and Mary on the other. He dropped a kiss on his fiancée's head and grinned down at his niece. "You're doing a great job, Joanie. Are you having fun?"
The youngster looked up with a smile and nodded before turning her attention to Mary. "Momma, can we make these every night?"
Mary laughed lightly. "Probably not kiddo. This is a special thing that Aunt Elizabeth planned because we're all here."
"Oh, like a family dinner?" Joan commented innocently.
Steve's heart filled with joy and contentment at his niece's words and he glanced up to see Elizabeth watching him with a soft smile. She replied to Joan, but he felt like her words were meant for him, too. "Yes, honey. Exactly like that."
After their delicious meal had been consumed and they worked together to straighten up the kitchen, they gathered in the living room with some photo albums from Catherine's youth. Although she protested weakly, she settled back with Steve's arm around her and watched as her mother regaled Mary and Joan with stories about the images in the books. Although Steve had seen many of them years before, he found himself moving from his fiancée's side to better partake in the show and tell. He looked up often, love shining in his eyes as they sought and locked with Catherine's before returning to the photographs Elizabeth was describing.
Patrick watched the pattern repeat several times and then moved to sit next to his daughter, pulling her into a one-armed hug.
"Hi, Dad," she said happily.
"Hi," he said with a kiss to her temple. "We're happy you're here. And that you and Steve found each other again and brought Mary and Joan into our lives."
She looked over at him. "Me, too. Thank you for wanting them here."
"It was never a question, Catherine, you know that. They're Steve's family which makes them part of our family now, too."
She smiled. "I know." Her fiancé looked up at that moment and made eye contact with her and smiled before leaning down to focus on his what his niece was saying.
Patrick smiled, having silently observed the exchange. "He's smitten with you, honey," he said softly.
"The feeling's mutual, Dad," she reminded him lightly.
"Oh, I know. It's nice to see you so happy. It's been a long time."
"Too long," she agreed. "But not anymore."
It was late when Steve followed his fiancée into the room they were sharing. As soon as he'd closed the door behind them, he gathered her into his arms to capture her mouth. When she pulled back to breathe, he smiled down at her. "Last night of freedom before you become an old married woman," he teased.
"You're only as old as the one you feel," she retorted as she slid her hands up his shirt-clad chest to wrap her arms around his neck.
He grinned at her before dipping his head to kiss her again. It quickly became heated, and he pulled her toward the bed. Still locked in the embrace, he tugged her with him as he shifted to sit down on the side of the mattress but immediately pulled back when the frame squeaked.
Loudly.
He moved gingerly to lay down and it protested again. He groaned. "Was the bed making that noise last night?"
"Probably. Maybe we just didn't notice because we were so tired?"
He groaned again. "Well, that could be a problem." He would have preferred staying the night with Catherine at the resort, but they'd wanted to spend the evening with their family and had agreed to sleep at her parent's house another night. He was starting to regret it, though. It had already been over 36 hours since they'd made love – the longest they'd gone since they'd reconnected, and he didn't want to wait another minute.
She smiled. "We've had lots of practice being quiet."
"Cath, you know how much I want you," he said softly. "But we've never had sex under your parent's roof, at least not when they were in the house and I—" She grimaced slightly, and he frowned. "What? We haven't."
"That's not exactly true," she told him gently. "Remember that one time before Thanksgiving when they went to the store? My mom came home early."
"Oh god," he groaned. "Tell me she didn't hear us."
"She didn't. Not really. But she heard enough to figure out what we were doing, so she left and stayed out for a while."
"How do you know that? Did she tell you?"
She nodded.
He blew out a breath. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"She asked me not to. She told me a story about how my dad's parents heard them one time before they got married. She remembered how awkward it felt being around them and she didn't want you to feel that way around her."
"Okay, your mom's awesome. But I'm still not sure how I'm going to look her in the eye tomorrow."
"It was almost 15 years ago, sailor. It's old news by now."
He looked at her doubtfully.
She shook her head. "They love you. You know they do. And they are so happy that we're getting married and that we decided to do it here."
"What about your dad? Does he know?"
She shook her head. "I don't think so," she said as her phone chimed. She picked it up and glanced at the screen, then barked a laugh and turned the device so he could read the message.
Hey, sis - I just want to remind you that your niece is supposed to be sleeping. I hope the wall we're sharing is nice and thick and that you have a quiet night.
Mary had added a smiley face at the end of her message, and he chuckled. "There's no way she heard us talking," he said quietly, "she's just messing with you." He noticed that her eyes were still focused on the words. "Hey, you okay?"
She looked up at him with a soft smile. "She called me 'sis' and referred to Joanie as my niece."
"You're part of the family, Cath. You have been for a long time."
Catherine shook her head slightly. "Not yet, technically."
"I disagree," he said. "You've been family to me for a long time. And Mary knows it."
She shifted slightly, grimacing as the bed squeaked again, and kissed him. "I love you. I don't want to wait another day."
"I don't either," he said. "But I'm not really comfortable doing anything in here other than sleeping."
She glanced around. "What about the floor?"
He shook his head. "Too many squeaky boards. The beach?"
She shook her head. "Too much moonlight. I think some of the neighbors have security cameras. What about the water?"
"Too cold without a wet suit and that's not really practical. What about the car?"
She frowned. "In the driveway?"
He grinned. "Or we could take a drive somewhere secluded."
She considered that. "Do you think we can get out without waking anyone?"
He grinned. "That is not a problem. It would be easier if I had some night vision goggles, but I can make it work."
The following morning, Steve woke to the sound of Joan laughing in the next room. He was spooned around his bride-to-be, in the same position they'd fallen asleep after their successful late-night op. He tugged her warm body closer so he could nuzzle the blue star tattoo on the back of her neck. "Morning, Lieutenant," he murmured.
She stretched and wrapped her arms over his where they encircled her body. "Hmm… Morning, Commander."
"We're getting married today," he reminded her with an audible grin before placing a line of feather-light kisses on her skin.
"I can't wait," she said softly as he kissed her shoulder blade. She moaned contentedly but then opened her eyes and stiffened when she heard Joan laugh. "What time is it?"
He turned his wrist to see his watch. "Ten to eight," he said with a groan and shifted to get up.
She moaned at the loss of contact and rolled to her back, reaching for him.
"We promised your mom," he reminded her as he climbed off the bed.
"I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it," she commented, sounding just a bit like a petulant child.
He leaned over to kiss her sweetly. "I know." He pecked her lips once more before pulling away. "But I need to get dressed."
He quickly washed up, donned his clothes, and packed his bag and, with two minutes left, gathered her in his arms and dipped his head to give her a kiss that he hoped would tide both of them over for the next several hours. Once they'd parted, he tucked some wayward hair behind her ear and gazed for a moment at her beautiful face. "I'll see you later."
"I'll be the one in the dress," she said with a smile.
His heart leapt with joy. "I can't wait." He leaned in for one more lingering kiss before reluctantly stepping away to pick up his bag. He was just reaching to open the door when there was a knock from the other side. He shot her a quick grin over his shoulder and pulled it open to reveal her mother.
"Good morning, Elizabeth," he greeted. "Did you sleep well?"
His future mother-in-law seemed surprised but pleased that he appeared ready to depart. "Good morning. Mary and Joan aren't quite ready. Patrick offered to drive them over later so you don't have to come back."
He nodded. "Sure, that will work." He glanced back at Catherine one more time and, with a smile mouthed 'I love you' before dragging his eyes from hers and stepping over the threshold. He stopped to check in with Mary and briefly confirmed plans with his future father-in-law before heading out to see to some vital errands.
Steve's first stop was the courthouse to get their marriage license. When the document was handed to him, he reviewed it carefully for accuracy and his heart skipped at beat at seeing his name and Catherine's spelled out under the words 'State of South Carolina Marriage License'. He was pulled from his musing by the clerk.
"Is there a problem?"
He looked up. "No, it looks correct," he advised as he handed it back to the young woman.
She nodded and reached for a large envelope. "Can I ask you something?"
"Um, sure. I can't guarantee I'll answer, though," he told her with a smile, "it depends on the question."
The clerk blushed slightly and looked down for a moment before returning her gaze to his. "If you live in Hawaii why'd you come here to get married?"
He chuckled. "Fair question, I guess." He decided to keep it simple. "My fiancée's parent's live here."
"Oh, that makes sense," she commented before conveying the information she was required to give him. "Be sure to have the everyone sign, including the officiant. Then you have 15 days to file it. It typically takes five to seven business days after that for the certificate to be issued. I see that you provided a local address for us to send that to, is that correct?"
Steve glanced over to confirm what was printed on the form and nodded. "Yes, that's correct." They'd arranged for Elizabeth to have the official record for safekeeping since he and Catherine didn't know where they'd eventually land,
"Do you have any questions about the process?" she asked as she slid several pieces of paper and a pre-addressed envelope into a folder.
"No, it seems pretty clear. Thank you."
She nodded and slid the thin packet across the counter. "Here you go. Congratulations Mister McGarrett."
He was unable to stop the grin that erupted at her words and stole a quick glance at her name plate. "Thank you, Ashley. I hope you have a great day."
His second stop was the tailor to retrieve his suit, which had been altered perfectly. He was unable to keep the grin off his face as he stood in front of the mirror while the proprietor checked the fit. Once he'd changed his clothes and paid for the alterations, he hung the garment bag carefully in the back of the car and made his way to a nearby café to meet Patrick, Mary, and Joan for breakfast. Patrick had decided to treat his wife and daughter to treatments at the resort's spa so spent the next several hours serving as the McGarretts' tour guide and Steve found himself appreciating the distraction. After a final stop to indulge Joan's request for ice cream, Patrick dropped Steve back at his vehicle and headed back to the Rollins' home with Mary and Joan.
Steve checked into the resort and felt no shame at all in checking his fiancée's location to determine if she was still there, but she'd returned to her parent's house. He made his way up to his suite and settled on the sofa to wait.
About ten minutes later he'd changed his clothes and was on the way out for a run to work off some of his excess energy. He shook his head as he finished stretching. He'd once spent two days lying in a sniper perch or, worse, had spent a full day in a car with his partner on a stakeout, but couldn't handle waiting a few hours to marry the love of his life. With images of his fiancée in his head and a grin on his face he set out down the road.
A/N: Fans of American football will recognize that the Washington Redskins are no longer known by the same team name, but that change didn't actually happen until a few months after this chapter is set, so in the interest of historical accuracy…