The Girl Who Shouted I At The Heart Of The World

by A.F. Oliver

Few get a second chance at living, let alone two or three. Rei Ayanami never knew what to do with the lives she had until it was too late. Getting another chance at living could mean a world of difference. After all, life is an ever changing thing and even the smallest of changes can reverberate across the world.

60. Opening Of Dream

Chapter 60 – Opening Of Dream

Misato sat in the chair that Commander Ikari usually occupied on the highest perch of the command center, her forehead resting in her palm. The last few hours had gone by in a complete blur. So much had happened in the time since the cease-fire was declared. She'd been quite busy taking stock of the communications coming in to the bridge regarding the movements of various NERV security forces as they reestablished contact. The relief she felt when she heard that all three pilots were safe and undergoing medical assessment was enormous. As soon as she got a moment to breathe she'd make sure to go see them and offer what comfort and reassurance that she could, to let them know how proud of them she was... but that would probably be a while considering the other reports she'd been receiving.

Though the gravitational anomaly experienced seemed to be localized to the area surrounding Tokyo 3, the earthquake had been much more widespread. Tsunami's had already ravaged the eastern coastline and reports stated that soon the west coast of the United States would be affected. This posed long term problems of receiving medical aid and securing a lasting truce with the SDF but it did help in the immediate. It meant the likelihood of them renewing their offensive was slim. With the government needing to respond to a growing humanitarian crisis all along the coast it would only siphon resources away from that to attack again.

In addition the widespread destruction wrought by the earthquake the temperature on the surface had dropped considerably. It was snowing across most of Japan now which was something that no prefecture was prepared for considering it hadn't snowed for fifteen years. The logistics of moving any type of aid on icy and snowy roads would prove difficult and raising the infrastructure to properly remove said snow and ice would take time. Even so, as bad as things were, it was still a better outcome than what SEELE had planned...

"It seems like things are quieting down..." Fuyutsuki muttered at her side. "The SDF have almost finished their withdrawal and communication lines are beginning to open."

Misato breathed a heavy sigh. "Have you been able to reach Commander Ikari?" she asked.

"I have not," Fuyutsuki responded quietly. "As of now he's unaccounted for..."

Misato scowled and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling. She hated to admit it but she was struggling without his expertise in the finer aspects of general administration. Managing the combat branch was one thing, overseeing a field operation another, but assessing damage and moving the whole of NERV around in the wake of those things was not her forte. "It would be easier if he were here..." she muttered. "I'm a combat specialist, not a negotiator or a coordinator..."

"Well, Major, that's why I'm here after all," Fuyutsuki responded flatly.

Misato smiled wryly, sitting forward and bracing her chin atop clasped hands. "Then I hope you don't mind if I continue deferring to your expertise in those matters," she replied.

Fuyutsuki chuckled. "Just as Ikari does more often than not..." he returned softly.

Before Misato could respond the telephone in the pull out drawer beneath the console surface began to ring. Swiftly she answered it, "Katsuragi speaking."

"This is Director Akira Nagumo speaking, head of the Public Security Intelligence Agency," came the gruff, baritone voice over the line. "I was under the impression that this was Gendo Ikari's extension."

Misato's eyes widened in surprise. The head of the principal intelligence agency of Japan was calling for Commander Ikari? What did it mean? "C- Commander Ikari isn't available," she stammered.

"Is Vice Commander Fuyutsuki available then?" Nagumo asked. "The matter cannot wait."

Misato glanced over at the Vice Commander who was eyeing her with a curious expression. "He's right here. One moment, please..." she replied before holding the phone out to him. "The PSIA director is on the line, sir..."

Fuyutsuki extended his hand. "Give it here," he instructed.

Misato handed him the phone and waited pensively, listening intently to the conversation as it transpired. After a minute or two he handed her back the handset. "The PSIA has requested access to the files regarding NERV's origins and SEELE," Fuyutsuki stated. "I can assume they wish to ascertain the origins of our organization and its purpose..."

Misato grit her teeth and looked away. "Let us assume they see the things I did regarding SEELE..." she grumbled. "It would certainly help resolve things..."

"That was Commander Ikari's plan after all," Fuyutsuki replied. "I wouldn't worry."

"And will they be requiring our paper records as well?" Misato inquired.

"Yes," Fuyutsuki replied evenly. "Which means that, for the time being, the first branch of NERV will come under the direct control of the Japanese government and allow for a peaceful occupation by a small security force."

Misato bristled at the those words. "Great..." she grumbled. "So we're just going to allow the same butchers who were tasked to kill us within our facility yet again..."

"Unfortunately we don't have much of a choice," Fuyutsuki replied. "At the very least it will help establish trust that we do not wish to carry out the will of SEELE."

Misato's scowl deepened. The Vice Commander did make a very good point but the situation was certainly less than optimal. In the long term he was correct that it would smooth things over with the SDF but in the short term it would only raise tensions. Considering how vicious they'd been, a large portion of the surviving NERV staff would certainly be quite resentful. Measures would have to be taken to ensure reprisals would not occur... but that was still the least pressing concern. "Do you think that SEELE has a contingency plan?" she inquired.

"I would assume not," Fuyutsuki replied. "Considering the nature of their plans, and the fact they threw all nine of the Mass Production Evas at us, it's very unlikely."

"Well... that's something we can take comfort in at least..." Misato murmured in response, her gaze focused on the camera feeds displayed on the central display, showing the snow accumulating in the geofront. "I suppose all I can do now is continue overseeing things as best I can..."

She felt a hand rest on her shoulder. "Major, you've done enough," he stated softly. "I can handle things from here. You should give yourself a break."

Misato tensed up and squinted her eyes shut. They were soothing words but she didn't feel deserving of them. "I couldn't do anything when the time came..." she muttered bitterly. "It was out of my control in the end... everything was out of my control..."

Fuyutsuki squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "Most things are out of our control," he responded warmly. "The only thing in our control is how we face those things and overcome them."

Now those... those were reassuring words. They were hard to process but they were reassuring. She turned back and regarded the older man with a somber smile. "I suppose that's true..." she replied.

Fuyutsuki nodded, a smile of his own taking shape. "Go," he returned. "Go see the pilots. I know you'd rather be doing that then answering to the whims of old men like me."

Misato stood from the commander's chair and Fuyutsuki pulled his hand away. He was right. She could take a moment of rest to go see the kids. "I'll leave it to you, sir," she replied, saluting him.

He smiled and returned the salute. With that she walked toward the lift with the intent of seeing the three pilots...

---

Ritsuko moved swiftly through the halls of the medical ward of NERV, taking in the horrible sights all around her. There were bloodied, bandaged, men and women laying on stretchers, benches, the floor, everywhere. The sounds of moans and cries of pain were all that filled her ears. Some of the people laying about being tended to were SDF soldiers, most belonged to NERV. Injuries stretched from lacerations, burns, mangled limbs and faces... the works. She could tell from how frantic the medical staff were that the hospital was ill equipped to handle such a high number of casualties. Then again, up until this moment, they'd never needed to service so many patients...

As she rounded a corner she halted in surprise and confusion at a struggle taking place between an injured member of security personnel trying to get up from a stretcher and two nurses trying to restrain him. "Let me go!" the security officer shouted.

"Stop it!" one of the nurses shouted, holding him down. "Settle down!"

"Get off of me, traitors!" he shouted, coughing up blood as he struggled. "Why are you treating those SDF murderers!? Why!?"

"You're both injured!" the other nurse shouted. "The battle's over! We have a medical obligation!"

"I don't care!" the man screamed. "I'll kill them! I'll kill them!"

"Sedate him!" the first nurse cried. "Sedate him!"

Ritsuko speechlessly watched as one of the nurses produces a syringe and stuck it in the NERV officer's shoulder. In seconds his thrashing ceased and he lay down on the stretcher motionless. His arm fell off the side, sending a splatter of blood onto the white tile floor. The sight drove home the true inhumanity of everything she'd missed while pursuing Rei through Terminal Dogma...

Ritsuko kept walking in a haze, trying not to step in the puddles of blood and piles of dirty bandages that littered the hallways. She cringed at the sights all around her. The absolutely horrendous level of brutality which had been inflicted by the SDF was unimaginable. The horrible human cost displayed by the mutilated bodies strewn in the halls, the amputated limbs, the pools of blood, were hard to come to terms with. This was the cost of war. This was the ultimate expression of human suffering strewn out before her in no uncertain terms...

"Dr. Akagi..." a voice called out to her.

She stopped in her tracks, her vision focusing in on the doctor standing in front of her. "Y- yes?" she stammered in response. "What?"

The man looked down at his clipboard. "Are you here for pilot Ayanami?" he asked.

"Y- yes," Ritsuko stammered in reply, wrenching her focus away from the horror around her. "I've come to check on her. I- is she here?"

The doctor nodded, looking down at the blood stained clipboard in his hand. "Yes," he replied. "She's here. She's in critical condition but she's alive."

Ritsuko's stomach churned at those words. "What happened to her?" she asked.

"Shrapnel. Somehow she ended up in the cockpit of Unit 01 when that... thing disappeared, if that thing was her at all." the man responded before pushing past her. "Now, if you'll excuse me ma'am, I have a lot of patients to see."

She turned around and reached out to him, grabbing at his bloody lab coat. "What room is she in!?" she demanded fearfully.

The doctor wrenched his arm away, looking frustrated initially before regarding her with a sympathetic expression. "Room 708," he responded before turning and hastily walking away.

Ritsuko glanced at the room numbers on the wall and took off at a brisk pace, plotting her course through the halls, continually looking down to make sure she wasn't stepping in bandages of puddles of blood. As she rounded the corner into another corridor she caught sight of a janitor mopping, a distant, vacant expression on his face, all the water in the bucket he was using stained red. The sight made her shudder. Just how violent had things been in the upper levels during the attack?

She supposed she really didn't want to know, the aftermath was bad enough...

There was no way to tell how long it was until she finally reached where Rei was being held, time felt like a total blur. No matter how long it actually took it felt like it was too long. As soon as she saw the sign on the door for the room she sought her blood ran cold. Surgery... She threw open the door. "Rei!" she cried out in concern.

Her eyes locked in on the sight before her. She could see a pair of legs belonging to the pale girl sticking out from underneath a sheet. She was atop a table with three surgeons crowding around her, obscuring her face. Almost instantly one of the surgeons turned his head, locking eyes with her before sprinting to the door to meet her. "We're doing all we can," the surgeon stated, ushering her out of the room. "She's in bad shape but with a bit of luck the first child will live."

The surgeon's words did nothing to alleviate her fear and worry. "What happened to her?" Ritsuko asked nervously.

The surgeon put their hand on her shoulder and sighed. "She took shrapnel on the surface. Two punctured lungs but no major arterial damage. We're almost finished stitching her up. The anesthesia should wear off in a few hours. After that... well... that's up to her to heal."

Ritsuko bit her lip. If only she could have been there or done something for her. Logically she knew there wasn't much that she could have done but... she still felt like she'd failed her in some way. "Can I see her?" she murmured softly, casting her eyes to the tile floor.

"Once she's in recovery, then yes," the surgeon replied. "For now, just sit tight, Doctor Akagi..."

With that the surgeon returned to the operating room and shut the door behind them, leaving Ritsuko alone in the hallway, her only company the moans and screams of other injured people...

---

Shinji sat on a bench within the medical wing of NERV, his gaze unfocused, staring at his father's gun laying in his lap unblinking, trying to tune out the sounds of frantic voices and injured screams. If he was being honest, part of him was surprised no one had wrenched it out of his hands yet. Then again, he wouldn't let them if they did. It was his father's... he wasn't ready to give it up just yet. Doing that would be admitting that he was gone. He didn't know how to feel about that, but giving that hunk of steel and plastic up would only make him have to face that fact. He didn't want to do that. Not yet at least...

He'd been assessed by the medical staff even though he insisted he was fine. His only injuries were a few minor bruises and scrapes so they'd left him alone in short order. Now he was just trying to process the events of the day, alone. No matter how he looked at things they were utterly and completely overwhelming...

Everything felt so surreal, like he was wandering through some kind of nightmare that had come to life, or the aftermath of one. Ever since he'd gotten back to NERV's facility nothing felt real. Walking through the blasted and bombed halls full of bodies and body parts was like a horror movie. Seeing the devastation atop all the trauma he'd experienced left him feeling like a shell, like he was living in a haze where he wasn't even in control of his body. It was like he was watching himself perform the acts of breathing, walking, sitting, responding, and yet he was just sitting in the passenger seat. He hated that feeling. He didn't want to be experiencing it. He didn't want to face it in any shape or form, the horrible reality he was witnessing.

He'd lost his father. He might well lose Rei. He might have lost Asuka and Misato and everyone else he actually cared about. He felt empty and alone, adrift in a cruel world that he couldn't comprehend. Even so, he remembered his mother's words, his father's words, just before the ejection from Unit 01. He had to continue. He had to keep living... even if he didn't know how. He felt so numb to everything. How does one come back from that?

"Shinji?" a voice pierced his mind.

He swiveled his head toward the voice on instinct and just like that the spark ignited once again. "M- Misato-san?" he stuttered as he recognized who it was standing before him.

She stepped close to him and knelt down beside him. The look on her face told him she was concerned, that she could tell he wasn't doing well. She placed her hands on his shoulders and gave them a gentle squeeze. "I'm so glad you're alive," she said. "I'm so glad you're okay..."

Shinji tensed under her touch and bowed his head. "I- I'm not okay..." he stammered out. Somehow it felt almost relieving to admit that to her.

There was a pause before she spoke again. "Shinji... why do you have that gun?" she murmured softly.

Tears began welling up in his eyes. Shinji clenched his hands tight around the firearm even as his body began to tremble. "I- it's m- my fath... my father's..." he stammered. "H- he gave it to me... to protect myself..."

There was a pensive silence yet again before Misato spoke. "Commander Ikari... your dad... what happened to him?" she asked.

He lifted his gaze as tears began slipping from his eyes and down his cheeks. The emotion began to overwhelm him. "He- he... he... he's..." he croaked out before falling to pieces, bowing his head in a shuddering mess. He just couldn't say it...

"He's gone... isn't he?" Misato murmured softly, resting her hands atop his, on top of the pistol in his hands.

Shinji squeezed his eyes closed. He couldn't speak. He didn't want to speak. His father was gone but he couldn't voice it. If he did then it would be final, irrevocable, irreversible... all he could do was nod his head weakly.

He felt Misato pull at the pistol in his hands, causing it to slip from his grip. Before he could protest he felt her arms wrap around him, his chin resting on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Shinji..." she murmured. "I'm sorry..."

All Shinji could do was reach up and dig his fingers into her jacket as he collapsed into a blubbering mess, guttural sobs wracking his body. Reality was finally hitting him and all he could do was weep like a child. All he could do was take comfort in someone who was part of the only family he had left.

"It's okay..." Misato whispered to him, rubbing his back reassuringly.

"He... he saved my life..." Shinji whimpered. "He... protected me... and now he's gone... and I don't know what I should feel... it just hurts..."

"I understand..." Misato replied, holding him tight. "I really do..."

Shinji remembered the story she'd told him about her own father during the Second Impact, about how she'd hated him until the moment he'd pushed her into the escape pod. He could definitely relate to that now... but it didn't make it any easier. "I- I know..." he murmured in reply.

The two of them sat there like that on that bench for a while just holding one another. Eventually his sobs lessened and Misato pulled away, regarding him with a somber expression. "How's Rei?" she asked. "Do you know if she's gonna be okay?"

Shinji shuddered, remembering the sight of the medical staff rushing her away, covered only by his white shirt stained in blood, her hair obscuring her face. "I don't know..." he whispered out numbly. "I hope so... They took her to intensive care for surgery..."

Misato's frown deepened. "What about Asuka?" she asked after a moment of pause. "Have you seen Asuka yet?"

Shinji cringed, shrinking into himself as he remembered the last time that he'd spoken to her, the moment she'd taken a knife to his face. He'd heard she was alive and that she'd sustained some injuries but he'd figured it for the best to give her space. She probably didn't want to see him anyway... "I haven't..." he murmured in response.

Yet another long pause followed. "I was going to go see her..." Misato stated softly. "You should come with me, y'know... to smooth things over between the two of you."

Shinji winced, ruminating on the memory of that evening, the sight of Nagisa's mangled body within Unit 01's hand... "Do you really think that things can be mended?" he whispered out softly.

Misato's lips curved upward in a somber smile. "Well... it doesn't hurt to try?" she replied softly before rising to her feet. "Come on... lets go."

Shinji didn't have the will to argue with her. Instead he fell in step beside her as she began a slow walk down the hall. It was easier to just fall back on old habits and let people determine his actions...

---

Asuka sat motionless atop the bed in the room she'd been moved to, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, her left hand resting against the bandages covering her right eye. She kept replaying her last combat over and over again. What had she done wrong? Where had she failed? Why had she failed? All these questions swirled in her mind. She'd had them. She'd had them beaten! She'd defeated them... and yet she'd still lost. One of those bastards had thrown a spear at her at the last moment and taken her out right as her battery failed. It was insult upon injury. Her moment of triumph and joy had been destroyed in a flash at the point of a lance.

She grimaced and pulled her knees tight against her chest and shut her one good eye. It was so unfair. It was so unfair that she'd been given a chance to prove herself and it was ripped away from her. It was just like all the other times she'd gone into combat. What good was it for her mother to be beside her if she couldn't ascertain victory? It felt like a cruel joke. It felt like some kind of curse placed upon her to end up in such a miserable position...

"Asuka..." a voice called out from outside the room.

She turned her head to the right, frustrated by her partial blindness. Did they have to put her in a room where her blind side was facing the door? Upon seeing who stood there at her door her frustration grew and she cast her eyes to her knees with a scowl. "What are you doing here, Misato?" she grumbled.

"I thought I'd check in on you..." came her guardian's soft response as she stepped into the room. "How are you holding up?"

Asuka bared her teeth in anger. "How the fuck do think..." she hissed, still unwilling to look at her. Even thinking about it made her heart feel heavy and her one good eye sting. She'd lost everything once again...

"Not well..." Misato replied quietly. "I know it's hard, Asuka, but I want you to know it will be okay, alright?"

Asuka bristled and whipped around to face her. "What the hell do you know!?" she roared in response, shooting off of the bed, balling her fists at her side. "How can you say that when you have no idea what its like to walk in my shoes!?"

Misato recoiled, her lips curving down in a deep frown, her eyes wide, her brows knit. "Asuka... I've experienced loss too..." she murmured in response. "I know it's not easy..."

Asuka stepped forward, jabbing a finger in Misato's face. She could feel wetness on her cheeks but she didn't care. She was too angry to care. "You don't understand anything!" she shouted. "I lost the person I cared about most, the only person who ever understood me! My best friend betrayed me! I realized what was protecting me inside my Eva, what it meant to be a pilot, and it still wasn't enough in the end!How can you possibly understand what that feels like!?"

Misato winced and looked away from her. "I lost Kaji..." she murmured softly. "I get it, Asuka..."

Asuka froze in place, those words feeling like a icicle through her heart. "I... you... I don't... shut up!" she choked out. "It's not the same!"

"I know," Misato replied, stepping closer and placing her hands on her shoulders. "But I'm here for you. We all are. Asuka, I want you to know you still have people who care, people that want you to be okay."

Asuka wanted to protest. She wanted to push her away or scream at her. She opened her mouth the say something nasty but all that escaped her mouth was a pitiful gasping sob. Before she could do anything else Misato wrapped her arms around her in a comforting embrace. It reminded her of the way her mother's presence felt inside the entry plug. She hated it but she didn't at the same time. She and Misato were never all that close but right now this was what she needed... and so she stood there weeping like the abandoned child she was deep down.

But everything changed when she opened her eye and saw who was standing in the doorway of her room...

Her eye narrowed and her lips curled back in anger. "You..." she snarled, pushing Misato away from her. "What ware you doing here?"

Shinji recoiled visibly, staring down at the floor, stammering over himself. "I... I want- I wanted to-"

"What!?" she snarled. "You wanted to what!?"

"Asuka, calm down..." Misato murmured, grabbing her shoulder lightly.

"I... wanted to... see if you were alright..." Shinji whimpered. "I wanted to..."

She didn't want to hear it, any of it. It was too much even looking at him, the person who'd taken Kaworu from her. Even if... even if it was necessary she just couldn't accept it. She couldn't stand looking at his killer, letting him just stand there and... "Apologize!?" she roared despite her tears, shoving Misato off of her. "Not accepted! Get out of here! Get out of here now! Just leave me alone!"

"Asuka..." Misato murmured.

Asuka covered her ears and flew back to the bed, throwing herself atop it. "Leave me alone!" she screamed in anguish and sorrow. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

---

Ryuji Nakajima trudged forward through the encampment near the breach where once stood Tokyo 3's center, shivering from the cold as the snow kept accumulating around him. The only break he'd had from the oppressive force of the elements had been when he'd trekked up through the underground tunnels leading out of the geofront. Seeing the beaten and battered men all around, sitting there smoking cigarettes in near silence was a sobering sight. He could recognize a few men from his regiment laying about but none from his platoon. His mind was racing around in circles. What was going to happen now? Did any of the horror he'd experienced mean anything? Was there anything he could do?

"Private Nakajima!" a voice shouted out from behind him.

He turned his head and his eyes went wide at the sight before him. Sergeant Saito was laying on a stretcher, both of his legs mangled and bloody, a pair of tourniquets affixed just above both of his knees. "Sarge!" he exclaimed, rushing over to him and kneeling beside him. Nakajima took his hand and smiled jovially, sincerely glad he was still among the living. "You're alive!"

Saito wrenched his hand away as a fit of coughs wracked his body. "No thanks to you," he scoffed softly. "You and Masaki fucking deserted me, you fucking cowards..."

Nakajima frowned. "Masaki was hurt," he replied softly. "I tried to get him to safety."

Saito reached inside his pants pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, placing one in his mouth. He tried to hold a lighter to it but dropped it to the ground, panting heavily from the strain. Nakajima scooped up the small device on instinct and lit his commanding officer's smoke. He took a long drag before breathing a heavy sigh. "That tastes good..." he murmured, his eyes closing as he laid his head back on the stretcher. "Is Masaki alright at least?"

Nakajima nodded, looking down at Saito's legs with a frown.. "I think so," he replied. "He was hurt pretty bad. He got picked up by NERV. They promised they'd treat him. What about you? You look like you got fucked up something serious, sarge..."

Saito took another drag off his cigarette and let out a wry laugh. He gestured to his legs. "The docs say they'll have to come off, both of em... if I can last that long..." he returned softly. Even as his body convulsed in pain, the smirk on his face didn't waver. "Lucky for you, right? You'd have both my feet lodged in your asses if I wasn't so bad off, you pair of chickenshits."

Nakajima winced. Saito was one of the strongest men he knew. Even if they didn't get along most of the time it still hurt seeing him like this. Hearing him talk about dying was almost inconceivable... "I'm sure they'll be able to patch you up without that," he replied with a weak smile, placing his hand on his sergeant's shoulder. "I'll be sneezing your boot laces in no time."

Saito laughed softy and laid back on the stretcher. "Well... I suppose its all pointless anyway," he returned. "Everyone's talking about us making a lasting peace, therefore our whole operation might as well have been for nothing..."

Nakajima reached down and grabbed the NCO's hand. "We're alive," he replied. "That's what matters..."

"Yeah..." Saito muttered, staring up to the sky as snow fell down on his face. He shivered violently from the cold. "I suppose that's all that matters now..."

Nakajima looked around. There had to be something to keep warm with somewhere. Sure, they'd deployed wearing summer gear and it hadn't snowed in fifteen years but there had to be something he could use to keep Saito warm. Eventually his eyes caught sight of a discarded jacket laying a meter or so away and he scooped it up instantly. "Don't wear yourself out," he replied, laying the jacket over Saito. "Here, take this..."

Saito grasped the fabric of the jacket tightly, shuddering as he did so. "Thanks..." he murmured quietly. "You should go get some rest now..."

Nakajima stood up and issued a respectful salute with a weary grin. "Yes sir..." he responded quietly.

He turned around and walked away without another word. Nakajima kept walking in a haze until he reached more of the surviving men from his company's second platoon gathered around an APC. One of them lifted a hand and waved him over, Furukawa he remembered the man's name to be. "Nakajima!" he called. "So you survived too!"

Nakajima walked up to the small group. "Yeah, somehow..." he replied quietly. Even thinking about all the things he'd seen was difficult. Then again, from the vacant looks and distant stares of everyone else gathered around they were probably feeling the same. After seeing the red Eva wipe the floor with everyone and that white giant who would really want to ruminate on such things? "So... any idea of what happens next?" he asked.

Furukawa pulled a cigarette pack out of his vest's pocket and popped a cancer stick in his mouth, lighting it promptly. "Don't know," he replied. "From what I understand, a whole bunch of PSIA and DIH guys are on their way here to seize NERV's records as we speak. At least, that's what the rumor is..."

Nakajima tensed up. "What does that mean for us?" he gasped before turning his head back to the breach where Tokyo 3 once stood momentarily. "Don't tell me we have to go back down and fight again..."

"No," Furukawa replied, taking a drag of his smoke and scowling. "Looks like this is going to be a peaceful kind of thing. We'll just be waiting up here to... provide security."

Nakajima scoffed bitterly. "Provide security..." he hissed bowing his head. "Just like we always have, huh? How many people had to die for no fucking reason?"

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see..." Furukawa muttered in response.

Nakajima balled his fists. "Fuck the waiting game..." he snarled to himself. "Fuck all the bullshit, all the killing, all the pain..."

Silence hung in the air between the two men for a moment before Furukawa nudged him and held a cigarette up to his face. "Hey... you look like you need one, kid..." he murmured.

Nakajima regarded him with a confused expression, shaken from his anger by the suggestion. "I don't smoke..." he muttered.

Furukawa gave a wan smile in response. "Trust me, kid, it will help," he replied. "At least with the smell..."

Nakajima's brows knit up, his confusion intensifying. "The smell?" he asked.

Furukawa scowled and glanced away. Nakajima followed his gaze and winced at what he saw; two stretcher bearers carrying away a bloodied soldier who was missing his head from the jaw up... He shuddered at the sight and lifted his hand to accept the cigarette from Furukawa. It slipped between his fingers and he placed it between his teeth.

His fellow soldier lit it for him and he took a long deep pull. At first he felt a bit light headed and it was hard not to cough as he blew out the first inhale. The second inhale was easier and he exhaled through his nose. The pungent musk of the tobacco helped did blot out the scent of death... but only a little bit... "It does help..." Nakajima admitted quietly, his eyes stinging. He couldn't tell if it was from the smoke wafting into his face or from just... the whole ordeal.

Furukawa placed a hand on his shoulder. "It will get easier..." he stated somberly. "Give it some time, kid..."

Nakajima's scowl deepened. He closed his eyes and shuddered. "I hope so..." he muttered shakily and bitterly.

---

Ritsuko stood outside the recovery room the medical staff had moved Rei to, smoking a cigarette in the hallway. Normally she'd go to a break room or a designated area but the circumstances were anything but normal.

She leaned her head against the wall and looked up at the ceiling, blowing a plume of smoke that lingered in the air above her head. Even though there was so much insanity going on around her she felt a little bit relieved after the surgeons told her Rei would most likely live and recover fully. She still wasn't awake, and they had no idea when she would awaken, but her vitals were all stable. The change in her hair color was puzzling but once things settled down a bit she'd be able to ascertain the reason, whatever it was. Probably it had something to do with whatever happened when the poor girl merged with Adam and Lilith. A simple DNA analysis would be able to determine if her composition was fundamentally changed.

Thinking about that caused her to frown. Hopefully she could keep the military from getting their hands on her. She knew enough of shady dealings and perverted science to know they'd probably be itching to acquire her when and if they figured out what she was and how she'd figured into the big picture. The idea of the government coming in and locking that poor girl away in some black facility for the rest of her life, or dissecting her for scientific research, was something she would die to prevent...

"Hey..." a voice sounded beside her.

She turned her head and found Misato standing beside her with a tired and grim expression. "Hey..." she replied, unsure of what to say or how to say it. The distance between them was still very vast...

Silence hung in the air between the two of them for a moment. "H- how's Rei?" Misato stammered quietly. "I came to check on her..."

Ritsuko took another puff off her cigarette. "She'll be okay..." she murmured. Just saying it brought the ghost of a smile to her lips. Rei was going to be okay...

Misato nodded, casting her eyes to the ground. "Good..." she murmured. "That's good... I'm sure Shinji will be glad to know that..."

Ritsuko's brow knit up. "I'm a little surprised he didn't come with you..." she replied.

Misato chuckled wryly. "Yeah..." she returned bitterly. "After we saw Asuka he needed to breathe... I get it though. He's been through a lot..."

Ritsuko nodded in response. Considering what he'd probably been through and dealt with, not to mention how Asuka probably reacted to seeing him, it was well within reason for him to want to retreat. "Yeah..." she replied. "I can understand that..."

Misato turned to the side and leaned against the wall. "It's been a hell of a day..." she muttered softly. "I can't believe we actually survived it..."

"We got lucky," Ritsuko returned. "In a lot of ways..."

There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "How... how did Rei do what she did? Were you there for it?" she inquired, her voice coming out just above a whisper.

Ritsuko shivered, remembering the moment where Rei had swallowed Adam and floated away from her. "I was..." she replied. "She uh... she gave up on the world... but something must have pulled her back at the last minute."

Misato nodded. "Well... I suppose we'll find out what that was when she wakes up," she stated quietly. "As for us, all we can do is sit tight and see what happens and hope Vice Commander Fuyutsuki can buy us a lasting peace."

Something about the way she said that made her feel uneasy. "Fuyutsuki?" she inquired turning to face her friend once more. "Why isn't Commander Ikari the one in charge of negotiations?"

Misato's lips curved downward and her eyes drifted to the floor. "Oh..." she murmured somberly. "You don't know do you..."

Ritsuko gasped and her cigarette slipped from her fingers to the floor. Those words filled her with dread and made her heart sink into her stomach. Her eyes started to sting. She had a sickly feeling that she knew what she was about to say but she had to hear it to believe it. "Know what?" she asked, her voice coming out hushed.

Misato looked at her with a look that said everything before she even spoke. "He's gone, Ritsuko..." she replied. "He died..."

Her throat began to close up. Her vision started getting blurry. Her heart thundered in her chest. "No..." Ritsuko uttered in shock. "He can't be..."

"Shinji saw it happen..." Misato continued. "I'm sorry..."

The dam burst and tears began streaming down her cheeks. Her legs gave out and she slid down the wall onto the tile floor as the reality came crashing down on her head. How could he be dead? He'd made her a promise that they would talk about where they stood with one another, that they'd talk about their feelings! It wasn't fair! She'd loved him and now he was gone forever. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs but all she could do was cover her mouth and sob, her knees to her chest. "Gendo..." she whimpered, beyond the point of caring about her friend seeing her like this. "You... why?"

Her friend knelt down at her side and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You... you really did care for him, huh?" Misato murmured softly.

Ritsuko couldn't respond with words, she would have just choked and wailed. All she could do was nod her head and weep...

---

Three days... three days had passed and so much had changed. Misato sat at her desk, unable to focus on the massive stack of paperwork atop of it. That was just about the only thing which hadn't changed after her world had been turned on its head...

It was only last night in the evening that the NERV staff including herself and Shinji received permission from the SDF occupation forces to return to their homes if they remained standing. Thankfully for her her apartment block still existed, though it suffered severe damage being only three hundred meters from the edge of the hole where Tokyo 3 proper used to be. The N2 weapon the SDF used to annihilate the city must have detonated after penetrating the upper armored layers for that to be the case. Thankfully Pen-pen survived the explosion, though he was a very frazzled penguin. It was nice to finally be allowed to sleep in her own bed after over a day of intense questioning by the various intelligence agencies of the Japanese government...

The first of the PSIA and DIH detachments arrived by nightfall the day of the battle of Tokyo 3. Immediately they'd set up shop within the halls of NERV and got to work combing through every single hard drive and file they could get their hands on. They also went about interrogating every single higher up within NERV that they could get their hands on including herself. Tensions among the staff were running high, especially after Vice Commander... Commander Fuyutsuki allowed the military free reign to supervise the ongoing data collection.

She leaned forward and rested her head in her hands. She still couldn't believe that Commander Ikari was gone. Probably soon after Shinji had descended the elevator to Unit 01's cage the block he'd descended from had been blown up by the SDF which made a search for his body difficult. No body had been found but blood stained clothing containing Commander Ikari's NERV credentials had. Something about that made that even harder to process, the fact there wasn't a body, especially seeing Ritsuko and Shinji's reaction to that knowledge. Then again, when her own father had died, she'd never gotten to bury him either so she understood full well what Shinji was going through.

Speaking of Shinji, the poor boy had barely left his room after being allowed to go home. She didn't blame him but it still hurt to see him so low. He was clearly dwelling on everything that had happened, on his father's death, on what happened with Asuka, whatever happened with Rei... and she just didn't know what to do to shake him out of it. Then again, what could be done after all he'd lost, after all the hell he'd been through? It was up to him to pull himself out of it, but if he needed help she would do everything she could to be there for him, for Rei once she woke up, and for Asuka.

Asuka... she was probably faring the worst out of anyone. That look of blind rage and despair in that poor girl's eye when she went to see her after the conclusion of the fighting said it all. She'd lost someone she cared about, had her pride demolished, and even lost an eye for her troubles. Hopefully she'd be able to come back from the dark place she was in. Heavens knew all of the pilots deserved to be happy... but they faced a long road ahead to get to that point.

If she was being honest with herself she faced that road too...

Now that it was over and the truth about SEELE and NERV was going to come out what did she have left? Kaji was gone, there were no more Angels left to kill, and what had her pursuit of the truth gotten her besides the mess everyone was in? Hell... even that quest of her ended up being pointless because Commander Ikari had his own plans in the works to blow the lid on things the entire time, the word of which was already spreading like wildfire. It made her wonder if anything she'd ever done actually mattered. It left her asking the question: was it worth it?

Misato slumped further forward and rested her chin atop crossed forearms. "Why can't any of this be easy?" she murmured to herself.

---

Ritsuko stood with Maya in the hallway outside the room Rei was resting in. The pale girl hadn't awoken since the battle but considering her vital readings she probably would soon. When she did there would be much to discuss with her but she had no idea where to even begin. It still felt so surreal the events of the previous day, from the fact that Third Impact had been stopped, seemingly by Rei herself after deciding to begin it, to the fact the SDF stopped their assault, to the fact that Gendo was gone. She closed her eyes and drew a cigarette from inside her lab coat, lighting it as soon as she brought it to her lips...

"Senpai, you know that's against regulations..." Maya voiced timidly.

Regulations be damned, the filthy habit was just about the only thing helping to keep her together, keeping her mind off of that aspect of things. Once she knew Rei was going to be alright and had a word with her then she'd allow herself to grieve properly... "I know..." Ritsuko murmured in response. "But I really need it right now, forgive me Maya..."

"I understand..." Maya replied. "Everything that happened is... a lot to process. I haven't been sleeping much..."

Ritsuko nodded, frowning. The dark circles under her junior's eyes were rather pronounced. "I get it..."

"I... I still don't really understand what happened," Maya stated quietly. "How did Rei... cause what she did?"

Ritsuko's lips curved up ever so slightly. Rei... that poor, sad girl had gone through so much. She'd watched her give in to her depression and decide to end the world on her terms because of it. She'd though all hope was lost but apparently, at least from what she could piece together, she'd changed her mind and used that power to destroy the Mass Production Evas, in the process causing Unit 01 to transcend to some kind of godhood. The collateral damage of that choice had been immense, causing seismic activity across the globe, but it was preferable to her original intended outcome. It might not have been pretty but Rei had used the power of both Adam and Lilith to save the world rather than condemn it. On top of that, Rei had played a crucial role in leading Gendo to his change of heart even before all that. For both of those reasons she couldn't help but be a little proud of her...

"I thought she'd given up, on everything, on the world..." Ritsuko replied softly. "But something must have changed her mind. She... she saved us all."

"That poor girl's been through so much..." Maya returned. "No wonder her hair turned gray..."

No, that wasn't the reason Rei's hair changed colors. Once Ritsuko had gotten away from PSIA and DIH questioning long enough to run some tests on Rei herself she'd been shocked at what she'd discovered. Somehow, inexplicably, her DNA had been altered. It probably had something to do with her fusion with both Lilith and Adam but it was still shocking. All trace of angelic genetics were gone. Though she retained roughly six point five percent of Yui Ikari's genetics the remainder of her sequence was now human. In fact... once she'd cross referenced blood samples, Rei's remaining DNA nearly matched her own...

"Yeah..." Ritsuko replied, her smile widening. "I suppose that's the reason..."

Maya breathed a shaky sigh. "This is all too much..." she murmured, crossing her arms and bowing her head, digging her fingers into her uniform's jacket. "Senpai... what happens now? What comes next?"

"What do you mean?" Ritsuko asked in response, unsure of what she was speaking on, taking a puff off her cigarette. "In regards to what?"

"Everything..." Maya replied. "The whole situation is just insane. Now we're under military occupation and we've all got blood on our hands..."

Ritsuko frowned, peering into the room where Rei lay. "Well, we have to make the best of it right?" she returned quietly.

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them. "You... you should go sit with her..." Maya murmured softly.

Ritsuko drew a deep breath. She wanted to but part of her worried that Rei would react negatively to her if she awakened with her by her side. She had pulled a gun on her after all... "Do you think so?" she replied nervously?

"You care about her, right?" Maya replied. "I mean... at least from what you've told me it seems like you do..."

Ritsuko nodded, her expression betraying her genuine honesty. "I do..." she replied.

Silence fell between the two women. "You should go sit with her," Maya stated quietly. "If I were her I wouldn't want to wake up alone..."

Ritsuko turned to face her, taking in that nervous, somber smile she wore. She returned a similar expression. "Okay," she replied. "I think I will then. Take care of yourself, Maya."

Maya's expression soured. "I'll try..." she murmured, glancing downward. "The things I saw are... not easy to deal with."

"I know," Ritsuko replied. "But if you want to talk about it I'll listen."

"It's okay, senpai..." Maya responded quietly. "But I don't think I'm ready to yet."

It probably wasn't the healthiest way to go about things but Ritsuko fully understood. She wasn't sure she'd ever be ready to talk to anyone about just how badly Gendo's death was effecting her... "I get it," she replied. "See you later."

With those words Ritsuko turned to face the door and dropped her cigarette to the tiles beneath her feet, stamping out as soon as it hit the ground before walking into Rei's room. She sat down at the girl's bedside observed her sleeping form, listening to the steady beeping of her heart monitor. As the minutes ticked by it became increasingly difficult to prevent her inner thoughts consume her as she held her vigil, waiting for the moment Rei would awaken...

---

Rei's eyes fluttered open. The first thing she noticed upon awakening was that all too familiar white ceiling above her head and the beeping of machinery. The next thing she noticed was the stinging, aching feeling in her back and she yelped weakly, rolling over on her side in the hospital bed she found herself in, squinting her eyes shut from the pain. Even so a great wave of relief washed over her as her awareness returned. She was alive! She'd survived...

"Hey, look who's awake..." a familiar voice called out to her as she felt a hand clasp her own.

Rei opened her eyes and took sight of the person sitting in the chair at her bedside. There sat Ritsuko regarding her with the ghost a smile and pained eyes. "Hi... Ritsuko-san..." she croaked in response, wincing from the pain in her back as she tried and failed to sit up. Speaking and breathing made it worse. On top of that her throat felt dry. How long had she been asleep?

Ritsuko gave her hand a tender squeeze. "Don't push yourself, you've been through a lot," she stated, her expression reading something akin to pity. "Do you remember what happened?"

Rei closed her eyes and drew a deep breath, unsure of how to put the intense experience of coming face to face with her own psyche followed by taking control of her existence followed by the shock of coming back to reality into words. Thinking about that moment in that dreamlike world where she'd finally realized all the things she wanted and needed still made he want to scream for joy... but who would believe such a wild story? Compounding this, knowing what she'd done leading up to that moment filled her with immense guilt and uncertainty in equal measure. It didn't seem like Ritsuko was judging her but what if she did? What if she scolded her? What if everyone else blamed her for what happened? What if Shinji blamed her?

"Rei, are you okay?" Ritsuko asked, shaking her from her thoughts.

Rei realized she'd been staring off into space. How careless of her... yes, sure, she remembered everything up until getting out of Unit 01's entry plug but not much after that. After that it was kind of foggy. Between then and now it was simply blank... "Y- yeah," she stammered weakly. "I'm fine. I... I remember what happened but... how did I end up here?"

Ritsuko's lips twitched and once more she gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "After you and Shinji ejected from Unit 01 the SDF started shelling again. You took shrapnel to the back that missed your spine on either side by less than a centimeter. You're lucky you aren't paralyized," she replied, her voice growing hushed and tender by the end. "You're lucky to be alive..."

Rei's breath hitched and once again she struggled to leave the bed, her mind filled with thoughts of Shinji's well being. If she'd gotten injured by the bombardment then he might have sustained injuries or worse. "Shinji," she gasped through the pain, her heart beating fast as she finally succeeded in sitting upright. "Where is Shinji?"

Ritsuko leaned forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "He's fine," she reassured her. "He wasn't hurt."

Rei breathed a sight of relief and relaxed. "Good..." she murmured in response.

A uneasy silence fell between the two of them. Rei wasn't sure what to say or what she could say to end the tension. She wanted to ask Ritsuko if she held the actions she'd taken against her but that was probably a given. It was better to simply leave that unspoken as bringing it up would only drive a wedge between the two of them once more. Instead, Rei felt it best to inquire on what happened after those events, after she'd gotten injured, after she'd changed her mind... "What happened after I... did what I did?" she asked nervously.

"A lot," Ritsuko responded, her lips curving up slightly. "Not long after you and Shinji destroyed the Mass Production Series they called for a ceasefire. Apparently the decision came from the minister of defense himself."

Rei frowned and looked down at her knees. So it was just a completely random act of a man sitting in an office kilometers away that altered the destiny of all mankind. She'd had no part in making that change and instead had been nothing but someone swept up in its winds. "I see..." she murmured dejectedly. "That's good that SEELE's plans were stopped..."

An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them for a moment before Ritsuko spoke again. "What... what made you change your mind?" Ritsuko inquired softly, nervously even. "After you... well, you know..."

Rei flinched at the question even though she knew it was coming. She closed her eyes and bowed her head as she searched for the words to respond all while knowing full well that whatever she said would be inadequate to describe her experience. All the guilt she felt, both the guilt surrounding what she attempted to do and the guilt she felt which pushed her there, came rushing back into her mind. The memory of past despair and the feeling of present uncertainty swirled in her heart but even so that beautiful moment of realization and hope she'd attained during that out of body experience remained burning within her soul. The absurdity of it all brought a soft smile to her lips. The world was an absurd, senseless, random place, but she was fine with that. She would go on and keep living in spite of it...

"I... I realized my life was worth living," she replied with confidence, opening her eyes and meeting her friend's gaze. "That's all."

Ritstuko's brows knit up and yet again she gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Of course your life is worth living," she responded, her lips quivering. "I'm... I'm sorry Rei. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry you felt so hopeless and alone..."

"It's okay," Rei replied, a feeling of warmth growing in her chest. Those words were so kind... how could she be so forgiving after she'd nearly ended the world? Was this what it felt like to have familial love, that unconditional acceptance and support? "It wasn't your fault... it was mine."

Ritsuko bowed her head. "I just want to know that you'll be okay," she murmured softly. "You had me really worried, you know that?"

Rei's smile faded, the warmth in the pit of stomach replaced with the queasy feeling of guilt. "I- I'm sorry..." she stammered in response.

Ritsuko lifted her head and issued a wan smile. "It's okay..." she replied softly. "I'm just glad you're still here with us among the living."

Rei nodded, her lips curving up yet again. "Me too..." she returned.

There was a pause before Ritsuko spoke again. "By the way, after the medical team stitched you up I ran some tests..." she stated quietly. "You're uh... your DNA isn't the same as it was before..."

Rei's smile grew wider still, remembering how Shinji had been shocked by the change in her hair and eye color. "Yes..." she replied quietly but unable to keep the pride from slipping through. "I'm... fully human now..."

"How? How is that possible?" Ritsuko asked. "And why... why does your DNA most closely match mine now?"

Rei's breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened in surprise. "Wh- what?" she stammered.

Ritsuko smiled awkwardly. "You heard me right..." she replied.

Rei knew that Yui-sama, or maybe her own grasp on the power of creation in that moment, had granted her wish to become human but this took her completely by surprise. Could it... could it have been her own subconscious desire that brought this about? Could it be because she considered Ritsuko... her family? Yes... after everything they'd been through and how Ritsuko had supported her of course she did. That feeling and that knowledge filled her with warmth. Rei smiled. "I... had the choice to become a real human being..." she replied honestly. "And... well, I don't understand it myself. It probably had something to do with Adam and Lilith and their power that made it possible. Whatever the reason, it makes me happy... and it makes me happy to know we're... family now."

Ritsuko glanced away, retaining that soft smile of hers. "Well... I'm happy too," she responded. "But you know... we all accepted you the way you were... right?"

Rei could feel that pesky stinging sensation behind her eyes that she knew all too well bubbling up. "I know..." she replied, fighting against that familiar tightness in her throat even though her heart felt lighter than air.

Ritsuko gave her hand one last squeeze before standing up from the chair, letting go of her hand. "Well, I'm going to let the staff know you're awake," she stated with a smile tinged with a hint of sadness. "Besides, I'm sure that Shinji will be happy to know you're gonna be okay, right?"

Rei flinched and her stomach did a flip. Those words shattered her moment of bliss. She wanted for Ritsuko's statement to be true but the memory of how Shinji pushed her away before the events of the battle still held a lot of sway in her heart and in her head. Sure, he seemed glad she was alright and happy to see her when they'd exited Unit 01's entry plug but that could have been simple relief instead of forgiveness. She honestly wasn't sure she deserved his forgiveness for the secrets she'd kept or for the actions she'd taken... but she supposed she'd just have to wait and accept whatever happened when she did see him next. "Oh..." she murmured. "Okay..."

Ritsuko turned around and walked to the door of her room but paused before leaving. She turned back to her with a soft, warm smile. "Take care of yourself, Rei..." she stated quietly before exiting the room. "See you again soon."

Rei listened to her footsteps fade away down the hall before laying back down on her bed on her side, desperately trying to find an answer as to what to do next and how to move forward...

---

Ritsuko slumped her shoulders and breathed a heavy sigh as she trudged through the halls after leaving Rei's hospital room. Seeing Rei awaken and getting to speak with her had filled her with such relief and joy. The pale girl really had become something akin to a little sister or even a daughter to her. Heck, she supposed the two of them were family now thanks to whatever happened during the near Third Impact. It felt good knowing that, knowing that they could still count on one another even if things were a little awkward now...

But the guilt over being unable to tell her about Gendo weighed heavy on her heart.

She really had wanted to but she simply hadn't been able to find the words or a way to bring that up in conversation. Part of her worried about how she would react to such news. Sure, Rei was rather estranged from him in comparison to his son or even herself but she deserved to know. She'd let her worries about how Rei would react the news cloud her judgment.

No... that was a lie. She let her own pain regarding the matter prevent her from telling the poor girl...

"I'm really a horrible woman, aren't I?" she murmured to herself as she trudged onward, her throat closing up as she admitted that to herself, her eyes stinging.

She drew a deep breath and tried her best to shove the feelings down as she continued her march through the halls. Part of her wanted to turn around and tell her but she was already half way out of the ward. Besides, it was best to wait until she was a bit more recovered. Stress can exacerbate injuries after all. Once Rei had recovered a bit or if she asked about him then she'd tell her, whichever of those came first.

Ritsuko glanced out the cracked windows overlooking the geofront, stopping to look at the churned earth and smashed equipment dotting the landscape. She shook her head. It really drove home the knowledge that things would never be the same as they once were. Most of the city was gone and everyone who'd survived the battle would carry scars of that day both physical and emotional.

She continued down the hall until she reached the admittance lobby and notified the staff that Rei had awoken before exiting the medical ward entirely. It wasn't long before in her wanderings of the halls of headquarters that she began to see bullet holes in the walls, shell casings on the ground, scorch marks, and bloodstains. Both the few staff members and the occupation SDF troops that she passed had hollow expressions. Then again, she probably looked the same to them...

---

Maya Ibuki pressed open the door to the employee lounge nearest the command center and stepped inside with haste and made a bee line for the coffee maker. Passing all of the lingering reminders etched into the walls and floors from the battle made her sick to her stomach, something that didn't mix well with her exhaustion. She barely slept at all since the battle and the few moments of rest she'd managed were filled with nightmares of blood and fire and death. The coffee would help, she kept telling herself. So long as she didn't sleep or look too hard at her surroundings she wouldn't have to think about it or face it. It was easier that way. She poured herself a cup of coffee from the lukewarm pot sitting underneath the maker and took a large gulp, hoping it would keep working as it had...

"You've been drinking a lot of coffee in the last few days..." a voice sounded from behind her. "And you usually drink tea..."

Maya turned around to find Aoba standing there, leaning against the wall with a cup of his own, a deep frown on his sharp features. "I haven't been sleeping well..." she admitted. "This stuff is stronger."

Aoba's lip twitched upward and he breathed sigh. "That's really not a good way to cope, you know?" he returned. "Everyone's gotta sleep sometime."

Maya frowned, an uncharacteristic anger boiling up within her, probably because she was so damned tired... "Easy for you to say," she scoffed. "You had no problem participating in all the killing..."

Aoba's eyes narrowed. "Don't go there..." he replied harshly.

Maya glared back at him. "I will go there," she retorted, throwing her hand backwards and slapping the counter next to the coffee machine. "You didn't hesitate, you didn't think twice, you just shot back at them! You told me that I was an idiot because I couldn't do the same!"

"Do you think it was easy!? Do you think it's easy to live with seeing someone you just shot drop like a bag of rice!?" he snapped back, coming unglued momentarily before trailing off. "I was fucking terrified! What was I supposed to do, just let them kill us!? Either way now I gotta live with that blood on my hands... you don't..."

Maya let those words sink in. It was... strange to hear Aoba getting so emotional, being so honest. He always carried himself in such a cynical and misanthropic way so it was shocking hearing him admit that he'd been just as affected as everyone else had. It really showed that despite how much hide his feelings he was just like anyone else... "I'm sorry..." she murmured, bowing her head.

"It's fine..." he muttered, glancing away from her with a somber expression. "I'm used to it... and by the way, you might want to move you hand..."

Maya turned her head and looked at where she'd placed her right hand. Beneath it was a streak of dried blood starting at the edge of the counter that continued down the cabinets half way to the floor. As she moved her hand away she realized the start of it was a hand print itself. Her heart began to pound. Someone had probably died here during the battle. She looked at her hand and it made her sick. Some of the dried, flaky blood had stained her palm...

The sight made her stomach churn. She began to lose control of her breathing, it coming to her in ragged, shallow gasps. She moved over to the sink and immediately started furiously scrubbing her palm. Most of it came off within seconds but Maya still knew some was still there. She stood there, gritting her teeth, scrubbing and scrubbing at her hand... "It won't come off..." she murmured, those words becoming a mantra. "It won't come off. It won't come off."

"Hey, are you okay?" Aoba spoke from behind her.

Maya was trembling too much to respond to him, continuing to scrub at her hand. "It won't come off..." she kept repeating to herself. "It won't come off..."

Suddenly a pair of hands appeared at the sink, shutting the water off before clamping down around her wrists. "Stop it," Aoba spoke. "It's gone..."

Maya turned to find Aoba standing beside her with a sympathetic look on his face. She tried to pull her hands away but his grip held strong. "L- let go of me..." she stammered weakly.

"Maya, it's gone," he stated, his voice firm but tinged with sympathy and sadness. "You need to calm down."

Maya looked down at her palm, tears filling her eyes and blurring her vision. He was right, the blood was completely gone but the feeling of that taint still remained. It was so overwhelming. The well of emotion and trauma began to overflow. "I- I- c- can't handle this," she choked out. "I wish none of this had happened..."

"Yeah..." Aoba replied quietly, letting go of her. "Me too..."

Maya screwed her eyes shut and instinctively reached for him, grabbing his sleeve with her cold, wet hands. Even if he was an asshole most of the time at least he was there right now. Maybe Ritsuko had been right that she just needed to talk to someone... "I- I don't know what to do, Aoba..." she softly sobbed. "I can't stop thinking about it..."

"I get it..." he replied. "But for what it's worth, I'm here for you..."

She looked up at him through blurry, teary eyes. "Really?" she croaked.

He smiled a lopsided smile, his eyes showing he was feeling just as lost as she was. "What are friends for, right?" he replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Those comforting words caused Maya to smile in spite of the tears. "Thanks..." she murmured. He really was a thoughtful guy when he wanted to be...

"Besides..." Aoba continued. "Getting through a shift is a lot easier when you're being your usual cheerful self. Cynicism and depression doesn't suit you the way it does me."

It was such a backhanded compliment, one typical of the long haired man, but the absurdity of the moment elicited a laugh. Maybe this was how he got through life, being able to laugh at the horror as not to go crazy from it. "You're such a jerk..." she muttered softly, trying to hide her smile.

"Yeah..." Aoba replied, looking away from her sheepishly, his hand still resting on her shoulder. She could feel how tense he was even through that minimal contact. "I know..."

She let out a small, wry laugh. Despite all his cynicism, pessimism, and nihilistic outlook perhaps there really was more to him. The fact that he actually bothered to try and reassure her was evidence of that. Part of her actually felt a bit relieved that she could actually talk to him, to someone who was there on the bridge in the midst of the savagery and brutality who understood her pain and was going through something similar. Perhaps Ritsuko was right that she just needed someone to talk to who could understand. Maya stepped closer to him and rested her forehead on his shoulder, embracing him. There was nothing to it, just an act of reassurance, something to tell him she understood or was trying to do so... "At least you admit it..." she murmured in reply.

He tensed up but relaxed after a moment and gently returned her embrace. "It'll be okay..." he returned softly. "At least if I have anything to say about it. I'd miss that cheerful smile of yours..."

Maya's smile grew as she tightened her hold on him, half to show her gratitude, half to hide the redness spreading through her cheeks.

---

Misato stood on the command deck with her arms folded, deep in contemplation. No one else was there with her, something that made the massive room feel eerie, especially with the markers of battle damage throughout it. It felt strange standing here at her post when there was literally nothing for her to do but it was better than sitting in her office. At least in this place she could be reminded of simpler times, days when the only things she had to worry about were the threat of the Angels. It seemed silly to actually want to reminisce on such things but there wasn't much left for her to do after everything she'd lost...

"How are you today, Major?" a voice called out from behind her.

Misato glanced over her shoulder to find Commander Fuyutsuki standing there. She must have been to far off in her own head to head him approaching. Regardless, she turned back to face the blank central display ahead of her before speaking. "Just taking everything in, sir. I'm fine." she replied. "Is Any word on the investigation the intelligence agencies are running?"

"We should hear from them soon," he responded. "Since I've allowed them access to everything and they've sent seemingly everyone they could spare it shouldn't be long."

Misato's lips curved further downward. The fact that she'd seen so many agents in the halls of NERV carrying huge stacks of papers and boxes of hard drives he was probably right. "I wish that this could have happened sooner..." she grumbled. "Without the need for what happened..."

"I wish that as well..." Fuyutsuki responded somberly. "But if SEELE had retained access to the Mass Production Series it would have ended up much the same. Unfortunately the battle was necessary..."

Her lips curled into a snarl at that statement. She knew he was right but it still disgusted her. "Tell that to the families of everyone who lost their lives..." she muttered bitterly. "I'm sure they'd feel the same way..."

"I would agree that it offers little comfort," he returned. "None of this is ideal..."

Misato shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose to quell her growing frustration and anger with everything. "Isn't that the truth..." she hissed under her breath.

The sound of the mechanical doors behind her made when opening filled her ears, causing her to turn around. "Commander Fuyutsuki, Major Katsuragi," a wiry man with glasses wearing a suit addressed them, clearly an analyst from the PSIA or DIH of some kind. "Do you have a moment?"

"I suppose we do," Fuyutsuki replied. Misato could only stand there, scowling. It felt so strange hearing someone address him as Commander instead of Vice Commander. That just made her think of Shinji. She really wished he would talk to her instead of closing himself off in his room...

Oh well... she supposed she could try again once she returned home...

"So far our investigation has corroborated the information that Gendo Ikari and his agents brought to our attention," the agent spoke. "However, we still have much more to comb through. Our agents will be with you for at least another few weeks."

Misato glared at the agent. The statement simply rubbed her the wrong way. "If you've already collected enough data to exonerate us of any wrongdoing then why the hell are you sticking around?"

The agent showed no reaction other than a slight smirk. "The government believes that the secrets of Evangelion technology shouldn't be exclusive to one singular organization any longer as to prevent an incident like this from happening again," he replied flatly.

Misato could see the logic behind that but it still made her uncomfortable. If the knowledge that the Japanese government had acquired the means to produce their own Evangelions it would only be a matter of time before other major world powers did too. There was little doubt that the United States would want in on that along with Russia and China. The potential for a global arms race on a scale not seen since the cold war was rather frightening... "And you think that's a good idea?" she inquired softly.

The agent shrugged. "That's not my place to say," he replied. "I just do what I'm told."

"It's a natural consequence I suppose. All monopolies end eventually..." Fuyutsuki stated quietly. "Is there anything else you'd like to inform us of, Agent Hinazuki?"

The agent shook his head. "As far as I know, no. I'll leave you two to whatever you're doing," he responded, before turning on his heel and exiting.

Misato waited until the doors closed behind him before speaking. "Pencil pushing prick..." she growled under her breath.

"It comes with the territory," Fuyutsuki responded with a slight chuckle. "You'd better get used to them, especially if you'd like to take over my position one day."

Misato's breath caught in her throat. She turned to him shocked. "Take over your position?" she inquired, shocked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Should NERV prove relevant in the new era in which we find ourselves it will need a skilled person to take over the reigns," he replied. "I'm an old man, there's only so much I can contribute."

Misato bit her lip and fidgeted with the zipper of her jacket as she contemplated those words. It certainly was a position that she'd contemplated assuming but under present circumstances it seemed worthless. At the same time... what skills could she really bring to any other profession? The question made her really question what the right thing to do was. It made her ponder what the right path forward for her really was... "I'll think on that, sir," she replied. "Should it actually be relevant..."

"Understandable," Fuyutsuki replied quietly. "Now tell me... how is Shinji doing?"

Misato tensed at that question, raising an eyebrow. "What is it to you, sir?" she asked. There was no derision in her question, just a puzzled curiosity.

Fuyutsuki regarded her with a somber smile. "I'd like to speak with him, should he be willing," he replied. "As an old friend of his father's..."

Misato scowled, looking down at her feet. "Well, that depends on if I can get him to leave his room..." she muttered, glancing over at him out of the corner of her eye.

Fuyutsuki folded his arms behind his back, looking down at the ground. "I see..." he murmured. "He hasn't been taking it well, has he? Then again... how could he not?"

"Yeah..." Misato replied, wincing, remembering how she'd felt knowing her father was dead, knowing that she'd never be able to get any kind of closure with that relationship ever... "Losing a parent is never easy..."

"Well... if you can convince him to visit headquarters, I'd like to speak with him is possible," Fuyutsuki replied as he turned on his heel and walked toward the exit.

"Can I ask why?" Misato inquired, calling after him.

Fuyutsuki halted he walk and glanced at her over his shoulder, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "As a long time friend of his father I'd like to offer condolences," he replied before continuing on and exiting the bridge.

---

The blackness gave way to light as he opened his eyes. Even that action felt like a strain. His body felt weak, like he'd been sleeping for far too long. Why? Why did he feel that way? It was puzzling because he didn't even remember falling asleep.

Slowly his vision adjusted to the light. He was laying in a bed and above his head were florescent lights and white foam ceiling tiles. This looked like the medical wing of NERV. How had he gotten here? The last thing he remembered was reporting in to Matsushiro and sitting in the cockpit of Evangelion Unit 03. Was there an accident? Why did everything seem so fuzzy after that?

Touji reached up and rested his hand atop his forehead, closing his eyes, trying to focus on how he'd gotten here. Things started swirling in his mind, images, sounds... memories? He remembered being trapped inside of some sort of red crystalline orb, floating above trees and hills, hands that weren't his own reaching out ahead of him and attacking Evangelion Unit 01. He remembered the feeling of hands around his throat, staring at Unit 01 in fear as it's visage bore down on him, then darkness followed by excruciating pressure and pain. He grimaced at the thoughts swirling in his mind.

But it was just a dream... right? It had to be just some kind of nightmare... but if it was a nightmare then how on earth had he ended up in NERV's hospital?

His hand slid down his face and touched something ridged just above his nose, making him flinch. The awareness of some kind of foreign object over his face registered in his mind. He grabbed at it and pulled but something was fastening it around the back of his head. He pulled upward and it slid off his head with great effort. Why did his arm feel so weak? He looked at the item in his hand. An oxygen mask?

"What the hell is going on?" he murmured to himself, his confusion mounting. None of this made any sense, none of it, but he knew the only way figure it out was to leave the bed.

He tried to sit up but it didn't come easy. It seemed to take all the strength he had just to lift his back off the mattress. By the time he sat upright he was panting heavily, his heart thumping hard, a cold sweat coating his brow. He slid the sheet covering his body off and with great effort he tried to move his legs toward the edge of the bed but something didn't feel right. He looked down and his eyes flashed wide in shock and horror.

His right leg was gone...

He reached down and felt the stump that started right below his knee as if to process that what he was seeing was reality. The realization hit him like a fright train. Those visions which swirled in his mind as he'd awoken hadn't been a fading dream, they'd really happened, or something like it had, he couldn't remember.

As the reality of Touji Suzuhara's situation fully set in he lay back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling with a despairing sigh, resting his forearm atop his brow. "There goes a future in basketball..." he muttered bitterly.

---

Asuka sat atop her hospital bed, listening to the quiet hum of the florescent lights on the ceiling, her mind swirling in contemplation. She was frustrated that she hadn't been discharged even though she felt well enough now but in a lot of ways staying here was preferable to having to face the world. It was easier to just stay here in stasis rather than confront the likes of Misato, Rei, and Shinji. It was easier to sit around and do nothing rather than come to terms with her failures and her own vulnerability even it meant being subject to tests and scans.

Her hand lifted up to her face and her fingers brushed the bandage covering her left eye. One of the reasons she hadn't been discharged was because of the tests the medical staff kept running on that eye and for potential mental contamination from Unit 02. From what they'd told her she'd achieved a one hundred one percent synchronization ratio during her final combat which was why the sympathetic injuries she'd received had manifested as real. The doctors had hope that the blindness on her left side might be temporary but she wasn't hopeful. At least the pain was starting to go away but the itching of her bandage replaced that sensation.

Slowly she stood up and drifted to her room's bathroom. She had to take this stupid bandage off, itch her face, and take a look at how bad it looked underneath otherwise she'd go mad. She studied herself in the mirror for a moment before reaching up and slowly peeling of the medical tape which held the gauze in place. She let it fall to the sink and itched at her eyelid for a moment, relishing the momentary relief before opening her eye. As she did her mouth fell open in muted shock...

The skin around her left eye was discolored and red as if it had been burned but the eye itself was the most striking thing she saw. Compared to the icy blue of her right her left was a pale gray, almost the same color as the white of her eye. The pupil was dilated but clouded over in a slightly darker shade of gray.

Asuka turned away from her reflection and shuddered, shutting her eyes, trying to block out what she'd just seen. Whatever the doctors were saying about her vision coming back was almost certainly just a lie to keep her from freaking out. On top of everything else she'd lost she'd even been marred forever, scarred, made ugly. She hated it. She hated everything... "Mein Gott..." she murmured to herself.

She grit her teeth and balled her fists, snarling in frustration and anger. No. No she wouldn't just let herself wallow in what she was feeling, not anymore. She'd taken on the entire Mass Production Evangelion Series and beaten them if not for those stupid spears! She would have won if not for Unit 02 running out of power! Her mother had been watching over her! She should have won in the end!

But she hadn't won in the end... and never in her life had she felt more vulnerable and afraid. She detested that feeling from the bottom of her heart.

She fought desperately against the tears which threatened to fall. She'd already shown enough weakness. She was done being weak, allowing people to get close to her, allowing herself to feel, allowing herself to open up even to the part of her mother within the Eva. All it had done was get her nowhere or leave her like this. It was best to simply be alone. It was better to pull inward and never smile, never laugh, never cry, to simply rid herself of her own humanity...

That was impossible and she knew it... but what could she do now? One thing was for certain and that was that she needed to get the fuck out of this damned hospital room... With that thought in mind, Asuka mustered her resolve and stepped out of the bathroom, through the door to her room at large, and into the hall.

She had no idea where she was going or what she would do, she simply let her feet carry fer forward, staring blankly ahead. The only thing on her mind was that wherever she went would be better than where she was. As she walked she found herself glancing at all the room doors in the halls. Soon enough curiosity got the better of her and she started peering in the windows as she passed them by.

Not a single room was empty. Every single room was occupied by someone who was in some form of recovery, most of them far worse off than her. Seeing people with missing limbs or tethered to tubes and machines, as much as it churned her stomach, struck a chord in her. Perhaps... perhaps she should count herself lucky that she'd had an Evangelion to protect her, unlike them. Perhaps she should count herself lucky and grateful just for having survived the battle as physically intact as she had. That thought made her even more queasy than the sight of mangled men and women...

Seeing so much suffering all around her was strange. It really drove home the fact that she wasn't unique in her pain and suffering. All these people in all these rooms she passed by probably had their own aspirations and pride and goals that they lived for and they'd all been laid low by factors outside their control, factors that she herself was at the heart of. It was both a bitter pill to swallow and a relief to see in the form of mangled flesh and bone that she wasn't alone in her suffering.

She lifted up her left forearm, still wrapped in gauze, and gazed down at it with a scowl...

She'd spent her entire life thinking she was special, untouchable, that she was far above anyone else. Seeing the rows and rows of occupied hospital rooms proved that she was just like everyone else. Even if she was a university graduate at her age, even if she was an Eva pilot, she was still just as fragile as anyone else.

And then she happened upon a door with a nameplate tagged to it's side... Touji Suzuhara. So he was still housed here? Something about that was surprising, both in the fact he was still housed at NERV and the fact that was still alive at all since from what she understood most coma patients don't last long. Then again, she hadn't paid any attention to him as she hadn't bothered to care. Now though she couldn't help but feel a measure of kinship with him. They'd both suffered injuries which would mar them forever. Perhaps out of curiosity she decided to enter his room.

And she immediately halted when he turned his head and looked at her. "Oh, hey Soryu," he spoke with a hoarse voice, his expression neutral. "What are you doing here?"

She halted in complete surprise, staring at him wide eyed. "So you're awake..." she uttered in response.

"I am," he responded, looking away bitterly. "And if you came to take jabs at me for being short a leg now you can screw off..."

Asuka frowned at that comment. Had their relationship months ago truly been that combative? "I'm not..." she replied quietly.

"That's surprising..." he grumbled, staring up at the ceiling. "What even happened to me? After getting in the robot it's all kinda fuzzy..."

Asuka's brow knit up, remembering the events of that battle which seemed so long ago now and the repercussions it had on everyone. She remembered how it caused Shinji to leave NERV only to come back and get stuck in Unit 01 for nearly a month. She remembered how devastated Hikari had been over the ordeal and how she'd eventually moved on with Touji's friend much to her disgust. She remembered how she'd hesitated upon seeing Unit 03 advancing on her position and how she'd punched out due to fear... "Unit 03... the core was infected by an Angel..." began to speak. "Shinji... he..." she couldn't say the rest.

A look of bitter realization washed over him. "Ah... so that's what happened," he muttered. "Well... at least I won't have to pilot the robot again. I'm guessing the fight has something to do with what happened to your eye?"

Asuka glanced away from him, a scowl of her own slipping onto her lips. "You missed a lot..." she murmured in reply.

It was at that moment a hushed gasp came from the door behind her. She turned around to find a nurse standing in the doorway with a look of shock. "Pilot Suzuhara, you're awake..." they uttered in surprise.

"Wait... what did you mean that I missed a lot, Soryu?" Touji inquired nervously.

Asuka turned back to him, unsure of what to say. As she stood there hesitating on whether or not to tell him the nurse stepped into the room and moved to Touji's side. "Pilot Soryu, please leave," they said, glancing at her over their shoulder as they pressed the call button attached to the bed. "The patient needs to be examined."

She couldn't bring herself to protest and simply did as she was told. As she made her way through the hall there were already a number of medical staff dashing through the hall toward Touji's room. Soon enough he was going to find out everything. It actually made her feel a bit sorry for him...

That feeling made her sick to her stomach...

---

Touji lay on the hospital bed he'd awoken upon in an annoyed and frazzled state, staring up at the ceiling of his room with a scowl. Over the last thirty minutes since Soryu left he'd been poked and prodded and palpated by the NERV medical staff more times than anyone reasonably could tolerate. They'd done testing on his eyes, ears, smell, taste, reflexes, the works and he was sick of it... but the thing he was pissed off about most was the fact that it was obvious something serious had happened while he was asleep and no one was letting him know what the hell that thing was.

"Good afternoon, Suzuhara..." a voice called from the doorway of his room.

He sat up at the sound of his name and turned to face whomever it was. It was that Dr. Akagi woman, the one who'd recruited him into NERV. He wanted to blame her for what had happened to him, for the loss of his leg, but there was no way she could have had insight into a random accident. If he took his anger out on her then it would be misplaced, he was smart enough to know that. Then again, the only person he could really be angry with for his predicament was himself. Oh well, at least Sakura was being taken care of... he hoped. "Oh, it's you..." he murmured numbly. "What do you want?"

The faux blonde walked into the room and sat down in the chair at his bedside, a contemplative look on her face. The way she stared at him only added to his suspicions that something really bad happened in the wake of the incident Soryu mentioned... "Your vitals seem normal from the tests the staff ran on you," she stated before trailing off. "But how are you feeling?"

Touji shook his head and scoffed. "Shouldn't that be obvious?" he grumbled, gesturing with his hand down at the stump where his right leg had been amputated. Now that he thought about it... shouldn't his stump be painful? How... how long had he been asleep for? "Can you tell me what's going on?"

"Understandable, I can imagine you're a bit confused and upset..." Dr. Akagi replied quietly. "Do you know what happened to you?"

Touji turned to her and nodded, noting her pensive expression. "Yeah, Soryu told me that Unit 03 got infected by an Angel or something and there was a battle," he returned. "Is that why she's got a bandage on her eye and arm?"

Dr. Akagi frowned, glancing down at the floor. "No..." she replied. "That's not why..."

Touji grit his teeth. "Well, could you finally tell me what the hell is going on then?" he barked, slamming his fist down on his good leg in annoyance. "I've been awake for hours now and no one's told me a thing!"

Dr. Akagi met his gaze. "You've been asleep for two months," she stated flatly.

Touji's eyes went wide. He couldn't believe it. He must have heard her wrong. "Tw- two months!?" he exclaimed in shock.

Dr. Akagi nodded. "I understand this comes as a shock to you but it's true," she continued, her expression becoming decidedly sad. "In that time NERV defeated the Angels... among other things."

Touji gaped at this news. "What other things?" he yelped. "What the heck did I miss?"

"Once you're more recovered it will be explained," Dr. Akagi responded. "For now just focus on resting and regaining your strength. I'm sure you'll be happy to know that your service as an Evangelion Pilot is no longer needed..."

Touji once again glanced down at his missing leg. "I'll admit that is a relief..." he muttered in reply. "Do you know if Sakura is okay?"

"I'll look into that for you," Dr. Akagi replied.

Touji sighed. "Thank you... I guess..." he returned quietly.

"So..." Dr. Akagi spoke. "When Asuka happened upon you did she say what happened in detail?"

Touji nodded. "Yeah..." he replied, gripping at the sheet covering his lower body, shuddering. "She told me that Shinji was the one who did this to me..."

There was a pause that lingered, hanging in the air before Dr. Akagi spoke again. "Do you... blame him for what happened?" she asked.

The question came as a surprise even though it probably shouldn't have. Between being pissed off at being examined and the general shock of awakening in the state he was in he hadn't really had a chance to think much on the matter. Now that he was given the chance to actually think on it... it was definitely a heavy question to ponder. Part of him wanted to angry, he really did... but he remembered the fear Shinji felt when he'd gotten caught up in the plug. In his heart he knew deep down that Shinji would have only injured him if there was no other way to kill the Angel... "No..." he replied. "I don't blame him..."

Dr. Akagi breathed a sigh. "I'm sure he'll be happy to know that... especially after all that's happened," she returned, standing from the chair and heading for the door.

Touji's brow knit up in consternation. "Hey!" he called after her. "What else has happened? What's going on?"

Dr. Akagi paused at the door. "I'll get you a wheelchair. You'll see soon enough..." she stated quietly. With that she left the room.

Touji listened to her footsteps echoing down the hall and bowed his head, pulling the sheets of his bed up to his chest with a frown. One thing was certain, that the world he'd awoken to was certainly one very different to the one he'd known...

---

Ritsuko sat in her office deep in thought having just finished informing Misato via phone of about the former Fourth Child's status. Even after seeing that Touji Suzuhara had indeed come out of his coma it still seemed too far fetched to be believed. The timing of such a thing seemed like the universe was making a twisted attempt at humor, at making a joke at her expense. After all... if it hadn't been for SEELE, and Gendo, and her own actions that poor boy would never have gotten hurt in the first place. Then again... if it wasn't for all those listed parties none of the chaos unfolding across the world at large right now would have happened. He was just another victim of things she'd had a hand in hurting, among Rei, Shinji, Asuka, Misato, Maya, herself, and everyone else...

She breathed a heavy sigh and shook her head. The guilt she felt over her involvement in everything even in spite of her efforts to affect change kept getting heavier. The only thing she could do was do what she could to make up for the harm she'd caused with everyone but she truly didn't know how...

A scowl washed over her features. "I didn't even apologize for recruiting him..." she murmured to herself. "Am I really that terrible of a person?"

She glanced down at the surface of her desk. Perhaps it was these mounting feelings of guilt that really caused Gendo to change his ways before the end. Whereas he hadn't been able to live to ever fully make up for his sins she still could... even if she didn't know how.

Thinking about it seemed so overwhelming. Thinking about Gendo being gone was so overwhelming. If he was still alive then she'd have someone in a similar position to her that understood what it meant to be trying to turn their life around and make up for past mistakes. She'd have someone who might support her in that goal.

"I wish you were here..." she whispered to the empty office as tears began welling up in her eyes.

Gendo... the fact that they'd never had a chance to talk about their admittedly complicated feelings hurt more and more with every passing day. She hadn't even been able to truly tell him how she felt...

She learned forward and crossed her arms, burying her face in them as the grief and guilt overtook her in the form of quiet sobs.

---

Colonel Mitsuo Shikishima trudged through the halls of the Ministry of Defense building, his hands cuffed behind his back, an armed guard on either side of him with hands clamped on his elbows escorting him. After spending three days in a cell he found it surprising that he was being dragged here of all places. When he'd asked the men transporting him from his cell they'd explained that Minister Katsumoto wanted to have a word with him regarding recent events. This was even more puzzling, both that such an important government official wanted to speak with him and that Oda hadn't pulled any slimy tactics to disallow it. Then again, the fact that Oda hadn't had him summarily executed when the order came down was a small miracle. He knew full well that the man was capable of such things. There must be some sort of reasoning behind why he hadn't but Shikishima supposed he would find that out soon enough...

As he and the two armed guards turned the corner of the hallway Shikishima noted a few bullet holes in the ceiling and walls as they continued their march. From that he could deduce that whatever Kaji and Fujita decided to pull got ugly. He hoped that they were still alive but seeing that gunfire had been exchanged meant the odds of that were slim...

Seconds later the two guards approached Minister Katsumoto's office. Shikishima noted the two security guards standing at attention outside the door each had a large bruise on the side of their face. One of them shot him a dirty look while the other opened the door. "Go on in..." the one staring at him growled.

The men escorting him said nothing in response and simply stepped past them and into Katsumoto's office. There the minister was waiting, his hands clasped together beneath his chin, staring at him with an unreadable expression. "Uncuff him and leave us," Katsumoto stated after a moment of tense silence. "Okazaki-san, please give us the room."

Shikishima looked to his left and watched as the woman secretary sitting at the desk in the corner stood and exited the room. Moments later he felt his cuffs come loose from his wrists. The men who'd escorted him left the room, closing the door behind them, leaving him alone with Katsumoto. He found it confusing that he was being allowed out of his restraints but he supposed it would be explained soon enough...

Katsumoto extended a hand and gestured to the chair opposite his desk. "Sit down, Colonel," he instructed.

Shikishima did as instructed. "To what do I owe the summons?" he inquired, eyeing him with suspicion. "I find it odd that a man of your position would wish to meet with a mutineer..."

Katsumoto's lips curved upward. "Indeed, I heard about that little incident and so has the Prime Minister," he replied. "I can hardly blame you for it considering what a detestable man Oda is."

Shikishima raised an eyebrow at that statement, gripping the wooden armrests of the chair tensely. What was he trying to allude to if anything? "So did you wish to speak with me to scold me or to pardon me?" he asked.

"That depends..." Katsumoto replied. "I have a few questions to ask you before I make a decision on that matter, the most pressing of which is your knowledge of Tetsuo Fujita and Ryouji Kaji?"

"I know Tetsuo well," Shikishima replied honestly. "Kaji I met recently while the two were working together. I'm guessing the... evidence of a violent confrontation down the hall is their doing?"

Katsumoto folded his hands beneath his chin and leaned forward, hunching over the desk, his smile evaporating, replaced with a serious expression. "Indeed..." he returned. "They caused quite a commotion when they came to my office to present information, information that I understand reached your desk before anyone else."

Shikishima nodded. There was nothing he could hide but at the same time he knew that the truth was in his best interest. "If you refer to Gendo Ikari's confessions and the documents pertaining to the SEELE group, then yes," he replied.

"I see..." Katsumoto returned. "And what happened then? Why didn't it make waves when you first received it?"

Shikishima drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, the memory of his conversation with his superior nearly overwhelming him with fury. "I presented a report to General Oda and it was promptly disregarded," he replied, desperately trying to keep his cool. "I gave him the facts that Tetsuo and Kaji supplied me with and he burned the dossier in front of me. After that he promised retribution should I attempt to make further waves."

Katsumoto's lip twitched upwards once again. "That corroborates with Fujita's interrogation," he stated, pausing for a moment before continuing on. "Tell me, what prevented you from taking steps behind Oda's back, Colonel?"

Shikishima tensed at the inquiry, knowing his answer could make or break his case. "I was under the impression that the two of them also passed the information to their respective agencies..." he returned softly.

Katsumoto chuckled. "They did, but both you and I know that the PSIA and the DIH can take their time in moving things along..." he replied.

Shikishima was unsure of how to respond. "This is true..." he murmured in response.

"And I find it somewhat surprising that a man with your reputation for integrity would chance the fate of the world with a pair of unconventional spies," the minister stated flatly. "What convinced you to obey an order from Oda that was clearly not in the interest of the nation's well being?"

Shikishima was uncertain of how to respond. The guilt he felt from his inaction certainly weighed on him... "I'm a good soldier... I try my best to do what I think is right..." he responded quietly.

Katsumoto sighed. "That much is obvious, considering your actions in Tokyo 3," he replied. "I don't blame you for having faith in the system, Colonel. The entire situation we're faced with is nothing short of a tragedy..."

Shikishima nodded with a frown. "A truth no one can deny," he replied. "So... what does that mean for myself and this interrogation? Did you simply wish to get the facts straight before sending me off to a dark hole for the rest of my natural life?"

Katsumoto shook his head and stood up from his desk, turning his back to him and facing out the window. "No..." he spoke softly. "No, I respect your choices and understand them, though your dealings with Fujita and Kaji did cause me quite a bit of trouble. I'll make sure that your little mutiny is swept under the rug. You have my word..."

Shikishima breathed a silent sigh of relief. "Thank you..." he replied. "Thank you for understanding that I have my nations interests in mind always."

Katsumoto turned around with a smirk. "Count yourself lucky that these are such interesting and extraordinary times, Colonel," he replied.

Shikishima nodded, the implications of those words not lost on him. "So... what happens now?" he asked.

Katsumoto faced the window yet again, crossing his arms behind his back. "General Oda will be commended for his service over the years and for his leadership during the battle of Tokyo 3. After that, he will quietly retire with full military honors," he replied.

"After the brutality of his actions?" Shikishima protested, digging his fingernails into the oak of his chair's armrests. "I'd hardly think that's fair..."

Katsumoto glanced at him with a knowing look before yet again staring out the window. "As for you, Colonel, you're being reassigned..." he continued. "I'll be seeing to it from this moment onward that your tenure with the special forces is at its end. From here on out you'll be in charge of the reconstruction of Tokyo 3, taking command of the SDF Corps. Of Engineers..."

Shikishima's lips parted in surprise. He found the prospect daunting as he had very little experience in such matters though at least it meant that he'd be spared a lengthy prison sentence... He stood from his seat slowly. "Minister Katsumoto, I've never held a command of that nature..." he replied quietly.

Katsumoto turned around, his arms held behind his back, his chest thrust forward, an almost playful smile on his face. "Colonel Shikishima, your administrative credentials speak for themselves," he returned. "Considering your strong sense of justice, your knack for finding unique and interesting ways to solve problems, and your humanitarian streak, I can think of no better a person for the task. Besides... this situation needs a hero. Japan needs a hero..."

Shikishima stood stock still, shocked, the gravity of those words coursing through him. "I- I'm honored, Minister..." he replied.

Katsumoto's grin grew. "Of course... such a reassignment is befitting of promotion, don't you think?" he stated quietly.

Shikishima couldn't comprehend what was being said. "What are you saying?" he murmured.

"Congratulations on your promotion, Major General Shikishima," he stated with a grin, extending a hand. "I trust you'll do your country proud..."

This was a turn of events he could never have predicted or anticipated. One minute he'd been marched into the office of the Japanese Minister of Defense and the next he'd been promoted and exonerated. He grinned. His words to the old man had been more than accurate... "I'm honored, Minister Katsumoto," he replied, reaching out and shaking his hand.

"Very good," Katsumoto stated, withdrawing his hand after a moment and folding his hands behind his back. "You are dismissed. I'll ensure that this promotion is made official by week's end. The Prime Minister will be issuing your pardon by the end of today. Until then you'll unfortunately remain in the cell you've been housed in the last few days. The guards will restrain you and escort you out when you leave."

Shikishima's frown returned. He knew it was a logical step, one that was more in line with traditional protocol, but it certainly underlined the shady dealings of military and government. "Very well..." he responded, turning to leave. As he reached the minister's door he paused. There was still one thing he wished to ask. He glanced over his shoulder. "As for Tetsuo and Kaji... what will happen to them?"

Minister Katsumoto regarded him with an unreadable expression. "Their testimony and ultimate fate is a matter of state security," he replied. "I'm sorry, but I cannot disclose any further information..."

Shikishima breathed a heavy sigh and turned once more to the exit, grabbing at the door handle in front of him. "I understand..." he muttered bitterly. "As always, the espionage game is filled with shady dealings..."

"You seem surprised," Katsumoto responded. "You've been playing along side it for long enough that it shouldn't come as a shock."

Shikishima emitted a wry chuckle, his eyes remaining fixed on the doors ahead. "I'm not surprised," he responded. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it..."

There was a pause before Katsumoto responded. "Good day, Colonel..." he eventually replied.

With that Shikishima opened the door and stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind him. Once there the two guards stationed at the door adjusted their grip on their sub-machine guns while the two guards who'd escorted him to the office restrained his arms. Soon enough he was cuffed and being led away like the entire conversation had never happened...

---

It was evening. The sun had almost finished setting and Misato sat in her apartment in the kitchen, a can of beer in her hand as she did all too often. After the day she'd had she needed it. Part of her hadn't wanted to come home but being at NERV while government agents skulked around it was almost as bad as sitting in an apartment with a traumatized teenager and a traumatized penguin. Well... Pen-pen was doing a little better after in the days since the battle, probably due to the beer she was letting him have. Shinji on the other hand was still sequestering himself in his room.

She took a big sip from the can in her hand and scowled. She still hadn't told him the news that Touji Suzuhara had awakened. That was main the reason she didn't want to go home other than the uncertain structural integrity of the building. She knew that as soon as she told Shinji it would be a coin toss whether the news would fill him with happiness or make him plunge deeper into the depths. Her money was on the latter option. The incident which caused Suzuhara's coma had made Shinji quit piloting and there was no doubt that the guilt stuck with him even if he didn't talk about it. Facing yet another person he'd hurt might just break him completely. Then again... with what Ritsuko told her after she'd seen him it didn't seem like Suzuhara held anything against Shinji. At the same time, she knew that probably would have no sway over Shinji's guilt...

At the very least he should be happy that Rei was awake and recovering now too. That would probably raise his spirits a little considering how much he cared for the girl. Then again, he hadn't mentioned it much but from what she understood whatever happened the day before the battle of Tokyo 3 had caused a rift between them. That was probably yet another reason why he was withdrawing from the world and everyone in it.

The sound of soft, pattering footsteps filled her ears, alleviating the piercing silence in which she sat. Misato turned her head toward the living room to find Pen-pen standing there staring at her. Somehow she could tell he was concerned for her or Shinji. That bird really was so expressive. "Hey Pen-pen," she called to him, holding up her can of beer. "Want some?"

He gave a little squawk in response before waddling over to her and nuzzling the side of her leg with his beak. Misato placed her half empty can of beer on the floor and the bird swiftly picked it up in his beak, gulping the contents down greedily. Misato braced her elbow on the table and placed her chin in her palm. "Are you doing okay?" she asked the penguin.

The little bird dropped the can to the floor once it was empty and bobbed his head as if nodding yes to her. The look in his eyes said otherwise.

Misato sighed. "Don't lie to me..." she murmured. "I know you're still having a rough time like the rest of us..."

Pen-pen emitted a warbling chirp, looking at her concernedly and gesturing to the living room with his wing.

Misato's frown deepened. "You're worried about Shinji too, huh?" she muttered.

Pen-pen gave a slightly higher pitched squawk than his usual call and bobbed his head twice.

Misato sighed yet again and looked at the bird with a wan smile. "I should probably try to talk to him, huh?" she asked. How ridiculous was it that she was actually asking a penguin for advice? Besides, she already knew the answer he'd give...

Yet again, the bird bobbed his head twice.

Misato nodded back to him and stood up, walking to the fridge. It was the right decision but it was definitely going to be a hard decision... "Okay..." she murmured. "After this last beer then..."

As she grabbed the beer and cracked it open she remembered what Fuyutsuki had told her about wanting to speak with Shinji. She grimaced at the thoughts welling up in her mind. If he wouldn't go to NERV for any other reason perhaps she could pull that card as disgusting and manipulative as it was...

---

Shinji lay on his bed, staring at the wall, his headphones in his ears, trying his best to purge his mind of all thought just like he had for the previous three days. It wasn't helping and it hadn't been helping but he didn't know what else to do with himself. The trauma and the pain and the guilt that tore at him was too much to handle. Thinking about how Asuka hated him, how he'd lost his father, how his hurtful words probably factored in to the actions Rei had taken, how she'd gotten hurt afterward, and knowing it all circled back to him was agonizing. He didn't know how to fix it or how to stop feeling like he was the lowest person on earth. Even if he knew what to do with himself he wasn't sure he had the capability to atone for his actions as much as he wanted to... so it was easier to just do nothing like he always had.

A light was cast into the room, signaling that Misato had opened his door. Instantly he tensed up and paused his music, his anxiety spiking. "Shinji..." his guardian called to him. "Are you awake?"

He didn't respond. He didn't want to hear her pleas for him to leave his room or her words of concern. He wanted her to leave him alone. He wanted everyone to leave him alone. All he ever did was make people's lives worse... so he stayed silent and still.

"I know you're awake..." Misato stated quietly. "I saw you flinch..."

Shinji grimaced and pulled his knees up to his chest. Of course she'd know, they'd been living together long enough for her to tell such things. It was pointless to try and hide from her... "What do you want?" he mumbled into his pillow.

He listened to her footfalls as she stepped into the room and felt his mattress sink as she sat down on it by his feet. "I wanted to let you know that Rei is awake now," she stated softly. "She's going to recover."

Shinji's heart skipped a beat and his stomach did a flip even as a wave of relief washed over him. "That's good..." he murmured in reply. It felt so strange. He was glad that she was going to be okay but at the same time it made him even more nervous.

There was a pause before Misato spoke again. "She'd probably appreciate it if you came to see her..." she returned quietly, pensively.

That statement only made him tense up more. He knew it was the truth but the prospect worried him greatly. What if she was angry with him? What if she threw his words from before the battle back in his face? Compounding all that... part of him was still angry with her for keeping so many secrets from him for so long. Thinking about all of it made him feel sick... "Okay..." he murmured in response.

He heard Misato breathe a heavy sigh. "That's not all that happened today either..." she stated nervously.

She was clearly fishing for a response and his curiosity or perhaps his desire for the conversation to end spurred him to speak. "What?" he asked.

There was yet another pause before Misato continued. "I know it might be hard to believe... but your friend Touji Suzuhara... he finally came out of his coma today," she stated timidly.

Those words pierced his eardrums like a thunderclap. "Wh- what?" he stammered in shock, finally turning over to face her.

"You heard me right..." Misato replied, looking down at him with a somber expression. "He came out of his coma today."

Shinji let those words sink in. No doubt Touji would be upset about what happened, what he'd had to do to him, what he'd chose to do... "Oh..." he murmured, rolling back over and turning away from her. "I see..."

Yet another tense, uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them within the darkened room. "You should go to NERV tomorrow and see them..." Misato stated quietly. "You can't just lay here forever..."

He dug his fingers into his sheets and grimaced. He knew she was right, that he couldn't just lay there forever and that he had to face Rei and Asuka and now Touji... but it was such a frightening thing. "What good will it do?" he hissed under his breath

Misato sighed. "Shinji, you need to pick yourself up and try to find closure..." she murmured. "Besides... Commander Fuyutsuki wants to speak with you."

Shinji frowned. Hearing that title attached to that name just twisted to knife in the wound his father's death created. Still, he was a bit curious as to what the former Vice Commander would want with him. He supposed he would go to NERV with Misato in the morning and find out if nothing else. Then again... it wasn't like he had much of a choice, just like always... "Fine..." he grumbled in response. "Just leave me be for now..."

A few seconds passed and then he felt a her hand come to rest on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze for a moment before he felt her stand up to leave. A moment later and she'd left his room, shutting the door behind her, leaving him alone with his sorrows...

---

Author's notes

And so the dust begins to settle. Though the battle of Tokyo 3 is over the battle our cast faces to overcome the darkness of their hearts and their circumstances still rages. Not much else to say other than that. Rei, Shinji, Asuka, Ritsuko, Misat, and everyone else have a lot of issues to work through before they can come to the light. On top of this, SEELE remains at large even though their plans have been irrevocably foiled...

This one was a bit taxing on me to write, both because I'm now in fully uncharted waters in regards to canon and because of my increasingly strenuous life circumstances. Things aren't easy for me right now but continuing this is perhaps my personal therapy. Then again, probably alot of you have suspected that by now.

In terms of favorite scenes within this one, I really had a blast writing Asuka in this one as she starts slowly coming to terms with her circumstances. I also quite enjoyed writing Shikishima and Nakajima's scenes. Also, and I know that it probably came as a shock, but the scene of Maya and Shigeru comforting each other was another moment I enjoyed composing. Scenes of platonic friendship and comradeship simply do it for me.

Unfortunately, Kaji and Fujita were absent from this one. We'll see them again very soon. I can promise you that they still have a bit more to contribute to the story before the end.

Please read and review! We're now beginning the final act, ladies and gentlemen!

Regards,

A.F.