AN: Jack and Sam discuss his rebellious streak. After Cor-ai

SG-1 minus Teal'c was mid-breakfast at their table in the commissary when Daniel noticed that Jack and Sam were both quieter than normal. He had never had a problem carrying a conversation, but the downside was that it sometimes took him a while to notice if he was in it by himself.

"I guess Teal'c is sleeping in today. Or Kelno'reeming in? I don't know how to conjugate that properly. I should ask him."

"Yeah, good idea, Daniel," Sam offered absently.

"He probably could use the extra meditation with that staff wound he got. It accelerates the healing process for him. Buddhists believe the same, though obviously without the symbiote super-healing abilities part. Just that meditation maintains or restores, as the case may be, the link between the body and soul. And by healing or feeding the soul you can actually heal or feed the body as well. I guess it's a pretty universal concept, if you think about it. Even in Western medicine where things tend to be more focused on the physical, we still acknowledge the impact of the placebo effect."

"Huh?" Jack asked.

"The mind/body relationship." Daniel wasn't sure why he was trying today when they were both in another place. "You know, I think I'm going to go get ready for our debriefing. Sam, enjoy your breakfast," he offered looking down at her half-eaten fruit cup. "Jack, enjoy your... dessert," he finished to Jack while sneering at his fruit loops.

"Bye Daniel," Jack offered none too happily, and Sam gave him a restrained smile. "Ya know," Jack began to Sam, "for a man who eats waffles slathered in pancake syrup three times a week, he's awfully judge-y."

Daniel's absence seemed to make Sam's thoughts even louder in her own head. She was trying not to muddy the issue from their last mission, but she couldn't forget Colonel O'Neill's defense of Teal'c and how it had also seemed like a defense of himself. Or maybe it was a confession. I have spent a lot of years in the service of my country, and I have been ordered to do some damned distasteful things!

It wasn't exactly a secret that Black Ops was black for a reason. And she knew, on paper, what the Colonel's past had been, but to hear him say it aloud and be told by the General that no one was going to help them because of those damned distasteful things had been different than knowing on paper. She was proud to walk through that gate with Colonel O'Neill to retrieve Teal'c. Even if they were alone. She was proud to think that even if General Hammond had ordered her not to, she would have gone anyway. It was the right thing to do.

"Ready to debrief, Captain?" the Colonel asked, stacking Daniel's abandoned tray onto his own.

Sam leaned in conspiratorially and checked her peripherals. "For what it's worth, Sir, I think you were right about everything on this one. Even about the distasteful things."

"Thank you, Captain, but I notice you're being very quiet about disagreeing with Hammond. Unlike when you disagree with me," he observed with a raised eyebrow.

"That's different."

"May I ask why?"

"Because I know you've got my back."

"Damn right, I do. So does he, in his own way. He has to play the game more than I do, but he's damn good at it. I know things got a little heated, but I don't want you to think that I don't respect him. Or that there's this us against him thing on our team, because there isn't. He's on our side. It may not seem like it today, but he is."

"Seems like he could have done more for Teal'c. Teal'c believes in what we're doing. He gave up being with his family for this. He's saved my life, and yours!"

"I know that, Captain. That was the whole argument during that dog and pony show of a trial. You don't have to tell me that he's a good man."

"It just pisses me off when people are judged only by their past. After Cassandra, you told me that sometimes you just have to be human. You can't be the drone that follows orders every time," a long look passed between them. Sam knew that she was asking for herself, but she was also asking for him. It occurred to her now that she hadn't consciously been doing it, but she was trying to get to know him better through his answers. "How do you know when it's ok to be human? How am I supposed to know that I'm not following an order that's going to have the same consequences one day?"

"You don't. You never know. Plausible deniability is the bread and butter of any military. But you'll learn to trust your instincts. It's different for everybody. I'm more of a feeler. You just know in your gut, something is off. Some people are thinkers. Probably more like you. Things don't add up."

"So what am I supposed to do in the meantime until I figure that out?"

"Trust me," he said simply. "I know it's a crappy answer, but you can't carry everything on your shoulders. I lead this team. If I make a bad call, that's on me, not you. And don't you dare blame yourself when you should be blaming me."

"Is that what you do?" she asked.

"To a degree. But Hammond knows I've always been a trouble maker," he answered with a touch of pride.

"And you don't think I am?" Sam could see him trying to stabilize the twitch of his mouth at her question.

"Not exactly, Carter. But you've got potential."