Author's Note: WARNING M RATED FOR SURE! I'M UPDATING! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! WHAT?! I knew I had to get to the spicy part of the story. I mean it has been a LONG while...a LONG LONG WHILE and...look...I need to keep pushing their relationship to an actual relationship! HOPEfully you guys are along for the ride! Especially after that movie...what a let down! Hope you enjoy. After three years and doing this as delicately but as realistically as possible...here it is!

Adrian went on automatic as he entered into his apartment. He didn't notice how Natalie had not said anything in the car as his own mind had been calculating what he needed to clean and how he needed to clean.

He was so deep in thought that as he immediately went into the bedroom he didn't notice Natalie stay right by the door. Almost as if she were afraid to actually be in the same room alone with the man she had found herself with twenty four hours a day with for the past 6 years. Or damn near that.

As he brought out the stipped off sheets he bagged them and then began to pull out his cleaning supplies to straighten up, about to take the supplies into his bedroom, when he saw her standing by the door of the apartment looking for all the world awkward when she had never been before. Not even the first time that she had entered into his apartment seeking him out to try and help her and her daughter. It was when his eyes looked into her bright blue eyes did he stop moving.

That look in her eyes. He had seen that look before.

"Adrian I..." Natalie stopped talking as she realized she couldn't say what she really wanted to say, not the least bit awkward finally calling him by his first name. It almost felt natural really.

"What?" Adrian asked with a concerned look on his face as he moved towards Natalie, only stopping when he was not even a few inches away from her. Staring into her blue eyes and not really able to look away. He saw fear in them and it made him anxious.

"I'm... terrified." Natalie barely managed to get the words out as she stared into his eyes.

And for a second Monk thought she meant she was terrified of John Night, when he watched Natalie reach up. Like she wanted to touch his face, and then he watched her hand stop and winced as she jerked her hand back.

She was...she was acting like...

Me. The small voice in the back of his mind that tormented him told him.

Suddenly the insecurity that he had hurt her surged back until a second later she spoke again.

"I'm terrified that...this...you...that you're going to...go away again. And I can't live through that again." Natalie stared into his eyes and tried to keep herself from crying.

Her mind went back to all those years ago...when they had walked into the pet store and she had learned he had lost his wife.

She didn't want him to be like that bird. Sargent Pepper. All alone in his cage until the day he died because he couldn't feel the same way about anyone else.

Natalie couldn't stand hearing him say anything like that to her after what they had been doing together.

God! He didn't even think human sexuality was natural and here she was after having been intimate with him three times and didn't know what to say to him and not have him freak out on her.

Adrian just stared back at her as the woman he had been intimate with not but a few hours ago that looked at him with a mixture of sadness and fear.

"That...you think this is...a...," She stopped, not wanting to ever call it a mistake, "and I could lose you again...because..." Natalie knew she was risking everything with the way she was voicing her fears. But she couldn't go through it again.

Last time she had barely been able to function without him. Seeing him like that had...had been the worst thing she had endured since Mitch had died.

Adrian Monk stared at a woman he knew to be more courageous and independent, than any woman he had ever met, struggle to voice her feelings when she had never struggled to do so before.

And she was standing there admitting that she was terrified of losing him.

The unspoken emotion he couldn't even admit to made something in him finally sag, allowing his body to relax in a way he didn't realize he use to hold himself when Trudy was near him.

But the look in Natalie's eyes...only one other woman had looked at him that way.

"So I...I'm terrified." Natalie choking on the words with how her emotions were getting the best of her.

Then something happened that made her heart leap.

Monk smirked and let out a huff of a chuckle. "Welcome to my world."

Natalie stared but couldn't help but suddenly begin to stare at him in fear as she whispered her hearts desire. "I want you to want me."

Adrian's smirk left his lips and he moved towards her with this look in his eyes she had never seen before.

"Natalie...I don't...I...I haven't...been with anyone but...but..." Adrienne's hands ackwardly motioning trying to keep from saying her name. Because if he uttered her name he knew it would hurt Natalie. Especially after what they had done that morning. "I don't want to hurt you...I...I just..."

Natalie winced and looked away and pulled back from him.

Monk instantly moved forward and tipped her face up to him and brought her eyes to his, wanting to see the emotions she expressed with them.

"I have... no experience... with this... Natalie." Adrienne almost stuttering his whispered confession.

Natalie knew that. She did. Trudy had really been his one and only. Adrienne Monk would have never been the one to touch her first. He thought it was a betrayal to Trudy even with everything they had done together...she had been the one to initiate each time.

She couldn't do it again.

It had to be his choice. His choice.

Natalie let out a huge breath and with a tear traveling down her face she said, "I've only felt this way about only one other person...but I won't force you to do something you don't want to."

Monk said nothing as he stared back into Natalie's eyes, complete understanding of what she was saying. Of what she was admitting to.

They stared into each others eyes for what felt like hours, but was just a minute before Adrian Monk- the defective detective lowered his head towards Natalie and leaned his forehead against hers.

Natalie instantly closed her eyes in relief. Adrian closed his eyes and as they both stood there, neither said a word.

When his nose touched hers, her eyes opened and she was engulfed in his eyes. Eyes that almost always held such sadness in them, now showing a small spark.

When she felt his fingertips barely touching her face her eyes became hooded, trying to retain this memory and feeling of being completely covered in goosebumps. When his hand molded around her cheek she opened her eyes again to stare up into his.

Slowly he lowered his head till his lips were barely separated from Natalie's, and then the softest kiss she ever had was placed gently against her lips.

Adrian drew back and looked into her eyes and he found them hooded. Risking just a little more he kissed her again, just as softly.

Then again with slightly more pressure.

Then again. And again.

Soon soft kisses became firmer and his hands found their way around both sides of her neck as her arms barely held him by his sides. She wanted so badly to pull him against her, but forced herself to let him dictate every move.

Soon he was tilting his head and guiding her with his fingers against her neck.

It took a few minutes before his body demanded more and the kisses opened, and both of their breaths to become heavier.

Then Natalie was gasping as Adrian Monk moved his tongue into her mouth and the sudden hunger she felt from him transmitted to her body causing her to respond back with such fervor and speed both were soon truly gasping for any air they could breath in as Adrian's body suddenly was pushing her against his front door.

The moment Natalie felt the very real evidence of Adrian Monk being a man against her, a moan erupted from her core as her need spiraled and one of her hands on instinct made its way between their bodies and placed itself against him.

The reaction was immediate and instinctual as his body reacted positively to her touch the first second, and the next he was pulling away from Natalie gasping and suddenly very aware of what they were about to do.

He leaned his forehead back onto Natalie's and both continued to gasp.

Natalie berated herself in her head.

She shouldn't have touched him. Though the fact that she had caused that reaction from just kissing was beyond thrilling. She hadn't wanted him to stop for the life of her.

But she needed to know. She needed to know if this was a physical thing because of how long he had been without Trudy...or if it was about him wanting to be with her.

Licking her lips she spoke softly. "Did...am I attractive to you?"

The question caused Monk to stop gasping and just stare at Natalie with a look of confusion and dumbfoundedness she had seen more than a dozen times over the years with him.

Natalie moved back even further from him causing Adrian to release her by the neck and just stare at Natalie as if she was speaking a different language.

"I mean...am I the reason for...your..." Natalie didn't want to say arousal turning her head away as the sense of foreboding filled her as he remained quiet, "need?"

Adrian just stared at her waiting to understand where this was going.

"Or is it because of how long it's been since..."

She never got the chance to finish her question as Adrian understood her question and quickly moved to grab the column of her neck and turn her back towards him and kiss her so strongly he pushed his entire frame into her body and trapped her against the door.

The movement of him grabbing her by the neck and his hips against her making a thrill shoot down her spine to her very excited lower extremities.

"You're beautiful." Adrian managed to say before his lips were back attacking hers and he was suddenly lifting her up against the door causing her to instantly wrap her legs around him and the more intimately he was suddenly against her causing both to moan into each others mouth.

His other hand not holding her neck grabbed one of her arms and moved it between their two bodies and with his own hand covering hers guided her to show her just how attracted he was to her.

Her body was on fire with the almost forceful nature Adrian suddenly seemed to be.

And for some damn reason that she was not ready to admit, Adrian Monk taking control had become an EXTREME turn on.

And then Natalie helped him out of his confinement as Adrian quickly pushed aside the scrap of fabric that kept them separated and for the forth time they joined together.

Natalie felt a sudden liberation in finally knowing that he actually wanted her.

HER!

He wasn't thinking of anyone else, or needing someone else.

He had needed HER!

And WOW how he desperately needed her in this moment.

Three times she rose and fell from the precipice when he finally achieved his own and then the only thing holding them up was the door.

Both of them gasped like crazy as they still continued to kiss and slowly once more lean their foreheads against the others.

A few minutes passed and the afterglow was truly in affect.

And before she could stop herself the words came out of her mouth.

"I love you."

The immediate way he stiffened and looked like a trapped animal caused her heart to immediately drop.

Suddenly a knocking on the door behind them caused both to stare wide eyed and shocked at the other as the both quickly moved to adjust themselves.

Natalie had to quickly dash to the bathroom as she felt with her hand just what being against the door and Adrian's hand had caused to her hair and her very pushed out of the way bra from one of his hands wandering.

Adrian opened the front door hiding his lower body just as Natalie closed the bathroom door. Which was a good thing since it was none other than some of the police officers from the police station.

"Monk. Chief asked us to swing by and tell you to not go anywhere. They're bringing Julie over and he doesn't want either of you going back to the house."

Adrian nodded his head and his shoulder twitched up and then down as he was still not able to even speak yet.

The young officer scrunched up his eyebrows. "You ok Monk?"

Adrian just nodded his head, still not able to speak yet. He looked ridiculous.

The officer said nothing but just nodded his head. "K. Chief said he'd be here as soon as he can. He had to stop off at the station for a moment, but Randy is bringing Julie here directly and should be here in about 30 minutes."

Monk nodded his head again.

He looked like a complete idiot to both of the officers at the door, but wisely neither of them said anything.

Luckily they both knew Monk and just wrote it off as Monk being Monk.

"Alright. We'll be downstairs waiting for the chief if you need anything." The other officer said as he gave a little nod and turned around to head back down.

Adrian barely held back his sigh of relief as he closed the door as both officers left, and he covered his face with his hands then looked down at himself.

It had yet to go down!

Even after...everything...it was still...

Adrian turned his head towards the bathroom as he heard the shower turn on.

A twitch went up his back he couldn't help.

Adrian made his way to the bathroom and opened the door and found a sight he had never thought he would see in this bathroom again.

He stood completely still in the doorway. All of his selfish tendencies a million miles away as he watched her.

Natalie had stripped down and was currently not wearing a bra and taking off her underwear.

He must have made some kind of noise as she startled and almost fell into the tub.

"Adrian!" Natalie exclaimed flailing with the shower curtain looking past him to the hallway, which made Monk flinch and then look into Natalie's face with a full blush.

"What?" Adrian asked as his hands began to fidget like they did when he was confused.

Natalie looked back at Adrian Monk and realized that though he seemed as twitchy as his normal self he was staring at her body.

Her body which for the very first time was in front of him completely... NAKED... body.

In all honesty all the other times that they had been together she never saw him look anywhere but into her eyes.

She knew that normally he would be running or jumping away as if burned.

Apparently today was definitely the first time he seemed to want to actually see.

Adrian closed the door behind him and slowly moved towards Natalie who stopped covering herself with the curtain but covered herself with her hands.

Adrian looked at her with shocked eyes.

Then it seemed like he didn't want to waste anymore time and stepped the short distance towards her and with hands that had rarely touched another, moved Natalie's hands away from her breasts and just looked at her chest with a look on his face that spoke of awe.

Which in turn made Natalie just stare back at him and a smirk formed her lips at his teenage behavior, as she understood he liked what he was seeing. She was staring at him as he looked at her, looking like he was inspecting something for clues, and felt tingles going up and down her back at the way he was so intent on her.

Then she didn't know what woke him from his inspection but he shook his head as if he was physically snapping himself out of a trance.

"What are you doing?" Adrian asked with a furrowed brow as his eyes moved down to look at the thin strap of underwear that now lay on the floor that he had moved earlier without having even seen it, to the running shower.

Natalie sensed that his phobias were returning at the idea of her using his sacred shower.

A little indignation finally entered her at the thought of him even trying to refuse her the use of his shower.

"Adrian Geoffrey Monk...if you think after what we did that I am not going to take a shower with my daughter on her way here - you are never going to see me again, let alone naked!" Natalie gave him her classic glare warning as she wanted to stop his germaphobic tendencies and territorial nature.

Obviously territorial after what they did.

Adrian looked up with his 'I dont' know what your talking about look' and little shake of his head, and with the scolding nature in which she had spoke, she was letting him know there was no way of keeping her from showering in his bathroom.

Rolling her eyes she removed her underwear from the floor and placed it on top of her clothes and was about to step into the shower when Monk said, "Here."

Turning her head she watched him go into his medicine cabinet and in the upper right corner reach for a bottle she was very familiar with, then turn and offer it up to her.

She looked at the bottle and then up and just stared at him.

"Why do you have a bottle of my body wash here? How did you even know this is what I use?" Natalie asked with a furrowed brow as she was absolutely certain it had not been here for the past several years. Let alone months.

Monk stiffened as she took the bottle from him and looked up and stared at him, wanting an answer to something that he couldn't answer because of the real reason he had a bottle of her body soap.

"I bought a bottle a few weeks ago..." Adrian said as calmly as he could as Natalie was still very much naked in front of him. But she was one of 'those people'. She had told him that and at the moment he had no complaints about it.

"Ok. But...why?" Natalie asked, not understanding why he would keep her brand of soap in his apartment when she was never 'allowed' to use the facilities like she was about to.

Adrian blushed again, and this time the redness was extreme as he just kept staring at Natalie, unable to tell her the reason he had the soap.

Natalie began to smirk as she couldn't imagine Adrian Monk doing anything tawdry with the soap when he whispered.

"To smell you."

Natalie rose one eyebrow. "To smell me?"

Monk raised a shoulder and then explained. "I smelled it...in the store and," Adrian's shoulder came up at the uncomfortable feeling of admitting this outloud, "it smelled like you so...I remembered seeing the bottle once in your bathroom..."

"You smelled it in the store?" Natalie asked in slight shock and astonishment that he had been able to discern her scent...in a store full of quite possibly hundreds of soaps.

Adrian nodded, very much enjoying the way Natalie continued to hold herself fully naked in front of him as if she had somehow done so millions of times.

Adrian realized he should feel completely embarrassed or even shy about Natalie's body being so exposed to him, but he couldn't quite quiet down the very male part of his brain that was telling him that he very much enjoyed the sight and if Natalie Teeger had ever tried to seduce him when they had first met like this...she would have very much been successful if she had pushed even a little.

"I...miss you...sometimes...and..." Monk tried to suppress a tick but he couldn't and he began to fidget and look at anywhere but at Natalie.

Natalie just stared at the boyishness this enigma of a man was displaying at something as innocent as wanting her scent near him.

She stepped closer to him and he immediately looked up as he began to see more of her body.

"You miss me?" Natalie asked in a whisper.

Adrian just stared into her bright blue eyes that were so blue he barely remembered to nod his head they were so mesmerizing.

Natalie couldn't help but slowly let a smile stretch out across her lips and keeping her eyes locked with his slowly leaned up slightly and kissed him.

Adrian slowly returned the kiss and reached for her and slowly spun her to lean against the side of the sink.

It didn't take but a few seconds to become amped up again, but this time when he was freed from his confines his hands travelled everywhere. Groping and squeezing and seeing the noises she made when touched a certain way.

Natalie felt a thrill as she was suddenly leaned back against the sink and both again moved as one and soon Natalie again was reintroduced to the very commanding Adrian Monk whom she was falling more head over heels for each time he showed himself.

It was urgent and needy, and she saw stars another three times before he joined her there in the afterglow.

"Need...to stop." Adrian gasped out.

Natalie nodded her head gasping for breath as she continued to kiss him.

"Need to clean up. Julie..." Adrian managed to say and her daughters name made the fog of need vanish.

Adrian straightened them back up and Natalie stole another kiss before moving swiftly into the shower.

Adrian looked down at himself and immediately had to suppress his panic.

Two warring emotions filled him.

Disgust...and pride.

As perverted as the emotions were, he knew that he was going to throw away his current pants. No matter how much his male ego protested...he was still Adrian Monk.

"Adrian I need a towel..." Natalie said as she reached over and took the bottle of soap that had landed in the sink as they had...gotten distracted.

"I need to change...and burn these pants!" Adrian said as he made to find Natalie a towel.

It was Natalie's turn to blush. "You caused it!"

Adrian again had the weird sensation of pride and disgust, but disgust always seemed to win, and quickly stripped down and stuffed his pants in the small trash can he had in the bathroom.

Natalie of course just smirked as she realized how pale his legs were as they undoubtably never saw the light of day. She began to soap up her body and Adrian had to look away several times to keep from being distracted from her.

"Hurry up because I need to clean the shower...and myself."

Natalie rolled her eyes and didn't flinch as his eyes skimmed her body as the soap lather began to drip down her frame.

He finally managed to pull himself away from the incredibly intriguing sight and left the bathroom to get Natalie a brand new towel.

With a proficiency that only Adrian Monk could have he suited himself up in a hazmat suit and began to clean his bedroom. It was beyond exaggerated but he was taking no chance of anything from his body at the moment ending up BACK on his unmade bed. Or anywhere near Julie.

When he deemed everything that needed done to his satisfaction he returned to the bathroom. As he entered the door Natalie was exiting the tub and gasped and jumped as she saw him with 'God!'.

"I needed to make sure I didn't contaminate anything...I still need to get cleaned up." Adrian said in his contamination suit.

"Where did you get that?" Natalie asked with an incredulous look.

"I ordered them in bulk. I keep some in the linen closet."

"Adrian!" Natalie exclaimed in frustration as she took the towel he held in his gloved hands.

"NATALIE!" Adrian half screamed. "I'm trying not to bleach my own skin right now!"

Natalie glared at him and wrapped herself in the towel. "I did not hear you complaining while you were CAUSING the need to bleach your skin!"

"I was highly motivated with an incredible distraction." Adrian then gave a side smirk as he looked at her through the window of the mask, which of course made Natalie shake her head with an amused smirk of her own at his words.

Reaching up she unzipped the hood from the suit and let the hood fall onto his shoulders.

"Am I really that disgusting?" Natalie asked as she reached up and caressed his cheek with her now very clean hands.

"Noooooo. It's just...Julie..." Adrian stressing the girls name as he tried to explain the very complex feeling of never ever having to discuss anything of this nature with Julie. Or leave any kind of evidence anywhere she would be sleeping.

"Oh really? What about the pants?" Natalie said as she crossed her arms over the towel and waited for a response, taking this little bit of domestic bliss they seemed to be having despite her saying the three words that she should have definitely not said to him yet.

"Natalie! There's only so much I can take!" Adrian pointing at himself with both hands in complete frustration that he was being pushed about such a thing.

Natalie leaned in closer to him and placed her hand on the appendage that had caused the mess which was causing him to throw out his pants, through the suit and felt that his libido was still not sated. Kissing him slowly, like he had at the beginning of this little episode, which he immediately returned just as gently and slowly pulled away but just barely so she could look up into his eyes.

"Ok. But it would be a shame to keep throwing away pants."

Adrian couldn't breathe let alone swallow at the implication.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he squeaked out with what little oxygen he had.

An evil smile he had seen only a few times graced her lips.

"Only if you want."

Adrian would have fainted as Natalie's very intimate touching was making his brain malfunction.

"I could stop but..."

Natalie didn't get to finish the sentence as Monk's lips were back on hers as demanding as ever and hungrier than before, which she didn't think was possible.

"You need...to get...cleaned." Natalie gasped words she never thought she'd ever say to him as Adrian had pulled her tightly against his body and was devouring her mouth like a starved man.

Natalie had only ever felt this passion and thrill from only one other man and her heart tightened in her chest.

She knew he couldn't say the words back to her.

Maybe this was his way of saying it?

The way he was suddenly unable to keep his hands off her.

That in and of itself spoke of how much he actually cared about her.

Adrian nodded his head against her and muttered, "You can't be in here. Too distracting."

Natalie gave a huge radiant smile at that and gave him one finally kiss and moved from his arms to grab her clothes and leave the bathroom to change in his bedroom.

When finally alone Adrian felt the levity and warmth he felt around Natalie dissipate as his mind instantly thought about Trudy...and how he was betraying her.

Monk stood there for a second trying to process what he had done.

Natalie had become the most important person in the world to him. Julie even looked at him like a father. Thinking about John Night touching either of them made his blood boil as the events earlier returned to his mind.

But he loved Trudy with everything in him.

Natalie couldn't replace Trudy. It was impossible.

But looking at Natalie he felt...

He felt...

The knocking on the bathroom door before Natalie walked in covering her eyes saying "Adrian I didn't hear the...why aren't you in the shower yet?" Natalie had literally walked into him and she had dropped her hand.

And maybe it was instinct but something told him to look up for a second...just one...and when he did he saw her at the door of the bathroom...she was there.

His Trudy.

And...she was smiling, with tears in her eyes she was smiling at him.

He couldn't breathe.

In the past few months he hadn't seen her. He had been wracked with soo much guilt that he knew he had been unworthy of seeing her after what he had done.

"Adrian...are you ok?" Natalie asked as she turned to see what he was looking at with a worry on her face.

Trudy nodded her head smiling at him with tears falling down her face. "It's ok my love. I...I'm so happy for you."

Monk's mouth opened as if his very being was fighting his mouth with the agony he felt, trying to keep from crying himself at the sight of her. He was shocked in even seeing her...let alone hearing those words.

"Adrian your scaring me..." Natalie said as she reached up and tried to turn his face to look at her, the fear in her eyes intensifying the longer the silence stretched without Adrian responding.

Monk's tears fell against his will as he continued to look at Trudy. Immense pain filled his chest as he looked at her.

Had she seen? Had she seen what he had...

"It's ok Adrian! There's nothing that I wanted more than for your happiness. Nothing!" Trudy said as she walked closer to him.

Adrian couldn't help but shake his head. How could he be happy without her? Why would she think it was even possible to be happy without her?

"Adrian...Adrian...Mr. Monk..." Natalie was now in full panic mode. He wasn't responding again. She was trying to get him to respond. To give him any response!

Adrian just stared in pain at Trudy.

Trudy shook her head. "Adrian don't do this. Don't push her away."

"Mr. Monk! Adrian please don't do this! Please! Please!" Natalie was shaking him and trying to turn his head so he would look at her. Natalie was already crying, her worst fear happening again and not knowing what to do, or how to stop it.

"Adrian I told you to close my office and pay her what she needed...because I wanted her with you. I knew she was the one! I knew from the very moment you met her!" Trudy moved closer towards Adrian crying still, and looking at the panic filled face of the woman she knew would take her place.

"Adrian...Please...please sweetheart...please just...we'll go back...we'll go back to the way things were..." Natalie was desperately bargaining with him, anything to get him to respond to her!

"No! No Adrian! Tell her no!" Trudy actually half yelled at him beginning to panic herself as Adrian was not responding to Natalie.

"No." Adrian gasped out and sucked in a breath, still just staring at Trudy, and fighting back the tears uselessly as they continued to fall.

Natalie just stared at him for a second, almost as if she didn't know if he had actually spoken or if it had been her imagination.

Trudy let out a relieved sigh and turned to look at Natalie and licked her lips as her tears of happiness had landed on them, something Adrian always loved about her. They way she moistened her lips.

"I know you can't hear me. And I know sometimes you stare at my picture, and wonder what I was like...how I could make someone fall so deeply in love with me...that he couldn't see you."

Adrian chocked back a sob hearing Trudy's words.

"Adrian..." Natalie whispered his name and shook him slightly, not knowing how to help him, and knowing whatever was happening was causing him pain.

Trudy let out a little laugh. "I know he's...stubborn sometimes. That he has his ways of doing things and...at the beginning even with knowing how special he was...he tested you in ways no one else ever has."

"Adrian did you say no?" Natalie whispered her question, hoping he would respond.

"And I want you to know...that I know...the exact moment you fell in love with him. I saw it in the way you looked at him." Trudy smiled as she said the words, continuing to talk as Natalie was oblivious to what Trudy was saying.

"Trudy..." Adrian said her name pleadingly, not knowing how to accept this from her. Not knowing if he could hear the woman whom he loved with everything in him to say she knew Natalie loved him.

"I knew you saw him. The real him. I know how you made him your world! And how you've made sacrifices for him...and I couldn't be more pleased that he was falling in love with you too this whole time." Trudy closed her eyes and let out a sigh that only spoke of relief.

"Which Trudy Adrian? Your Trudy?" Natalie stared up into his pain filled face, knowing that whatever was happening it was because of her pushing him earlier. It was too much for him.

"I'm entrusting you...with the person I loved most in the world. And he needs you Natalie! He needs you and you need him." Trudy turned her head and looked at Adrian. "Tell her you need her."

Adrian couldn't say it and shook his head. "Dangerous for her."

"Who's dangerous?" Natalie instantly asked, worried that she had missed something from earlier that would explain what was happening.

"No Adrian! It's not dangerous to need her." Trudy insisted.

"For her." Monk immediately said, knowing that no matter how it was breaking him inside he would always sacrifice his happiness to protect Natalie from being hurt by him.

"Mr. Monk...Adrian...who are you talking about?" Natalie could barely talk, afraid he would say Trudy's name again.

Because if he did...she knew everything was over.

"Oh Adrian...that's what you're afraid of? You're afraid loving her means she'll die like me?" Trudy asked Adrian who looked as if he was misery itself.

"No Adrian. That's not true! Loving her is going to make you both live!" Trudy insisted as she stared into Adrian's brown eyes.

Trudy turned back to look at Natalie even as Natalie had basically grappled onto him in complete fear of Adrian becoming catatonic again.

Adrian watched as Trudy walked the short distance, leaned over just slightly, and kissed Natalie on the side of her face.

Natalie froze for a second, her eyes for a few seconds not on Adrian at all, a sensation she had never felt before encompassing her.

Adrian closed his eyes as he couldn't stop his tears as Trudy pulled back and looked at him once more.

"Don't be afraid Adrian. Don't be afraid to make her and Julie your world. You'll live! You'll live the life that I want you to have! Filled with joy. Love. And if you can push your fears back...maybe even the children we never got to have."

"I..." Adrian shook his head no, not wanting to know a world of joy that didn't have her in it.

"Adrian..." Natalie hearing him finally snapping her out of her own stupor she had briefly been in.

"My love...if you truly loved me...you'll live for me. Live for me and love her. I more than approve. You have her Adrian. You have her and you could lose her if you don't tell her. Adrian, I will always be here for you. Always! But you love her and...and you can feel alive again. Adrian I just want you to feel alive again. Show her how much you can love."

Adrian just stared back into eyes that he loved and watched as she slowly stepped the little distance and Adrian closed his eyes as she kissed his cheek, trying to hold on to the sensation and remember it at the same time.

"I'm so happy for you my love. I'll always be here for you when you need me. Don't be afraid to love her."

Adrian let more tears fall from his eyes as he opened them to find Trudy was gone.

"Adrian please say something." Natalie pleaded again and closing her eyes, her heart breaking at what she had caused yet again.

Natalie didn't see Adrian's face turn and stare at her face.

The sight of tears falling down her face hurt him. Slowly he moved his hand and with his thumb brushed a tear about to fall out of her closed eye away.

Natalie instantly opened her eyes and stared at him.

"I have you...I have... you." Adrian said as he caressed just under her eye again as another tear fell.

Natalie just stared at him, not really understanding in that moment what it was he was saying.

"Adrian...I don't understand."

Adrian took a deep breathe closing his eyes and then opened them and just stared back into her bright blue eyes.

"I..." Adrian paused and then he remembered the first day he met her. They way she had looked at him and begged him to help her. In the end she had been the one to always help him.

"Adrian..."

"Since the day I met you." Adrian said stopping Natalie from talking instantly. Looking confused as his eyes were finally focused on her.

"What are you..." Natalie tried to ask but was interrupted by him again.

"I knew...I knew it that day." Adrian said as he tried to stop crying but couldn't, knowing that Trudy more than approved. That she had somehow made it happen.

"Knew what?" Natalie asked as she searched his eyes trying to understand what he was trying to tell her.

"That you'd make me a better person." Adrian half sighed as he said as his emotions began to shift.

Natalie didn't know what to say, so she said nothing.

"Trudy...Trudy made me want to be a better person. I felt...better...around you." Adrian explained a little more.

Natalie search his eyes and saw the sincerity. She didn't know what to say.

"I...don't want to hurt you, but I know I'm going to. I know I annoy you. And...I can be selfish. It's just...it's just something I can't...it's what I do...and I swear Natalie I don't mean to." Adrian said and immediately Natalie was reaching up and caressing his cheeks.

"I know that! I've always known that! I know you can't help it. I know you try. And I know it's hard for you every day to try and stop whatever it is telling you to..."

"Not be me." Adrian said as he felt the 'why me?' that his depression would bring, pulling away from Natalie and rubbing his fingers against the temples of his head as his mind was plaguing him even after what Trudy had said to him.

Natalie didn't say anything, just staring at him incredulously as he pulled back from her. His eyes were staring passed her, not truly looking at anything but trying to avoid her gaze.

"Adrian..."

"Natalie I'm an old man! WHAT could I possibly offer you? I...I can barely keep myself from falling apart! I literally NEED you to stop me from doing things before I physically hurt myself! I can't do this!" Monk exploded, not knowing what Trudy was thinking as everything in him told him that what was happening was wrong.

It was just wrong!

He loved Trudy! He could only EVER love Trudy!

But the second his eyes landed back on hers he wanted to slap himself with the way she was looking at him.

It was the same look she had given him when she had quit and went to work for the lotto.

"Do you want me to say it again?" Natalie questioned him. Knowing that he would know what words she meant.

Monk stared into her eyes, knowing that hearing the words again would bring back the panic. Adrian shook his head a little to rapidly for Natalie but she said nothing.

Adrian saw the sagging of her shoulders and knew he had disappointed her. "Natalie..."

"You need to shower." Natalie said and with one last look into his eyes, she turned around and closed the door behind her.

Leland was signing off on paperwork as quickly as he could as everyone tried to get as much done in the little time he was there. Everyone was trying to assist the captains exit as fast as possible. Everyone knowing what had occurred earlier were making sure to alleviate his work load and were trying their best not to piss him off.

It was while he was making his way out that out of the corner of his eye he watched as John Night walked out into the hallway with an obvious lawyer guiding him with a hand on his upper back.

"What's going on?! Why isn't he in an interrogation room?!" Stottlemeyer pointing at him and basically yelled in an officers face.

"Captain I'm sure there's an incredible reason you've detained Officer Night and not also Adrian Monk. Probably due to an ongoing investigation, but the people I represent deem that since no charges or Miranda rights were given that Officer Night is free to leave of his own free will at any time!" The smug male lawyer said in a suit Leland was sure was designer and worth more than his car.

"You called a lawyer?" Leland asked Night with a glare that spoke of a thrashing that would occur since he had ordered that Night be left in the interrogation room and left to cool down and think before he spoke again.

"We didn't let him call anyone yet chief. The lawyer just showed up not twenty minutes after you and Monk left." Came the voice of one of his officers as he kept his eyes on the lawyer who was still smiling smugly.

"Well lets just say the...altercation...had an... echo that went through the walls!" The attorney said as he smacked John on the back a few times and continued to walk John out of the precinct.

Before they could go far Stottlemeyer quickly said, "Hold it Night! Julie Teeger officially filed an assault charge against you! You're not going anywhere until we talk!"

The lawyer quickly smiled. "My client is pleading the fifth as I have advised him to remain silent. As his sixth amendment right to council, my associates and I believe there is a prejudice against my client. Held by most of the officers in this precinct due to the loyalty and special treatment Mr. Monk has received in the past. Unless someone here would like to corroborate his story of Mr. Monk assaulting him in this very precinct...we're done here!"

Leland looked from Night to his officers and then back towards the attorney.

"I thought so!" The male attorney smiled and with a glance and a head tilt towards John, the walked out.

Leland knew not to say anything back, but man did he want to scream his head off.

"How the hell did he know to show up here when he did?" Leland asked out loud as he watched Night walk passed the windows and towards the elevators with a little smirk on his face looking directly back at the captain.

Leland felt something in the pit of his stomach that things were about to get really dark...and very ugly.

Author's Note: I KNOW! It was a bit more graphic than normal but not completely raunchy! Tell me what you thought about Monk seeing Trudy and the way he's acting towards Natalie! What do you guys think?! Good? Bad?! Let me know!