Chapter 19: Mirror

Considering previous incidents, sending Panem's "most inspirational" Victors into a full-out war zone as foot soldiers was not a popular idea. Leaving them out of the Capitol invasion entirely was not favored, either.

The compromise, reached in the president's crowded meeting room the day after the double wedding, was sending them as a propo team that would remain behind the actual front lines but illustrate the progress of the invasion to the rest of Panem.

Then the meeting nearly turned into a fight when Colonel Jackson said that the only Victors that should be sent were Katniss, Helvius, and Kori. Twyla was tacked onto the list as well, considering that she was already a trained soldier and her escape from the Ninety-Fifth Arena was becoming something of a legend across the country. All the other Victors in Thirteen were, as Jackson put it, "not soldiers, no matter how inspiring they may be."

Ava was already headed back to Ten. Annie or Haymitch going to war was never a consideration. At this point in his life, Finnick was fine with staying. And Orla was polite when she insisted that she wanted to go.

Helvius was not polite about his insistence that he take Lee with him.

"Look, if we were going into active combat, I would want him to stay behind. But if we're going to be kept as safe as possible, I'm not leaving him. I'd rather stay here."

"You don't mean that, Hal," Lee said, but his voice was lost under Colonel Harris's "Just because you won't be sent into battle doesn't mean untrained civilians should be there," and Celeste's "It won't be good for morale if only two-thirds of the trio show up."

"You sent all of us to the districts!" Helvius exclaimed. "As for this so-called trio...Kori and Katniss are...well, Kori and Katniss. I'm just an asshole who's considered less repulsive than other Careers because I didn't torture other tributes before I killed them."

Letting out a snort, Celeste said, "I think you're leaving out some other important events many people have used to determine how they feel about you. Your sponsoring of outliers, the visit to Eight, whatever that stunt was in One...I won't even get started on your love story…"

"That's not the point!"

"No, it isn't!" Jackson loudly tapped the tabletop twice, agitated. "We were better able to control the situations in the districts. The bombing in Eight was a surprise, and the situations in One and Two were the result of reckless behavior by certain individuals that would have otherwise been safe."

"Made the best TV, though," Haymitch grumbled from his corner as Harris began to speak,

"From our intel, we know that traps have been activated throughout the Capitol's streets. Some have were already there, many others have been added recently. Many are traps like those used in the Arenas. Every inch we take will be a battle. Even behind the front lines, there will likely some of these traps...or pods, as the Capitol calls them...remaining. Potential landmines, possibly even mutt ambushes...Some level of training and discipline will be necessary to keep everyone as secure as possible."

"How about this?" President Boggs leaned forward, calm yet firmly taking over the conversation. "We don't have to send the propo team, or at least not all of them, to the Capitol right away. There's time to give a course of basic training to those who need it, specifically Ms. Flanagan and Mr. Anders. If that is a course of action they are interested in."

"If that's feasible, then yes, absolutely!" Orla said right away.

Lee just nodded along with her. I didn't ask to be sent to the Capitol. I'm not a soldier. But Helvius wants to go, more than anything. And I don't want to let him out of my sight.

Besides, maybe training to be a soldier would distract him from the mess that was in his head.

The nights were plagued with bad dreams. The days were interrupted by scattered flashbacks. The mind fog kept creeping in between.

If the streamlined training he and Orla were given had lasted more than two weeks, Lee was fairly certain that he would have been given a more in-depth evaluation of his mental state and deemed unfit to hold a gun, let alone go anywhere near the Capitol.

Besides the effort of keeping his traitorous mind in check, training wasn't that bad. It was more work physically than anything he'd ever done before, the many aches and pains he soon gained seemed to have come to stay, and his previous lessons on handgun usage didn't translate to military rifles quite as well as he'd thought it would. His endurance and speed, unsurprisingly, were not great. Orla seemed to fare little better.

Still, training filled the days after Helvius and the others were flown out, and wore him into sleeping more deeply even when the nightmares came.

Then it was his and Orla's turn to leave. They said goodbye to Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch, who were staying in Thirteen. They took a hovercraft to Twelve, then a crowded, drafty freight train for a couple days, from Twelve to a camp just outside the ring of towering mountains surrounding the Capitol. Due to the city's remaining antiaircraft defenses, arriving soldiers had to hike for hours through the train tunnels into the outskirts of the city itself.

Lee had expected his first glimpse of the Capitol to dredge up unpleasant memories and feelings, but he didn't expect the intensity of the panic he felt. He had to stop for a minute while he worked to slow his breathing; thankfully, Orla waited with him until it passed. "I don't feel good seeing it, either," she told him quietly.

He could only nod. The city's bright colors seem duller now. Dulled by war. Maybe by reality.

Upon exiting the tunnels, the two Victors were ushered away from most of the new reinforcements and into an armored truck that would drive them to the other end of the sprawling rebel camp, to where the so-called "Star Squad" was staying. The ride soon ended near a small cluster of tents set slightly apart from the others nearest.

Exhausted and a bit nauseated, Lee got out of the truck and was immediately enveloped in Helvius's arms. "Hey!" he gasped out with what little air was left in his lungs. "It's only been a week!"

"Closer to two, but who's counting?" Releasing him, Helvius stepped back and looked him up and down. "How are you?"

"Sore. Exhausted. Still better than the last time I was anywhere near here." It felt good to smile. "How have you been?"

"Mostly bored. Cressida keeps staging us for ages before we get to shoot at anything. Food is crap but there's enough of it. Ground's not fun to sleep on. The tents do keep us dry, which I appreciate. It rained a lot earlier this week. And sleeted. Lots of sleet."

As they were talking, Katniss, Kori, and Twyla had arrived and exchanged hugs with Orla. Kori stepped up and hugged Lee next. "Glad you're here," she said. She sounded tired.

Can't imagine she felt any better than I did at seeing the Capitol again. "I'm glad you're here, too."

They didn't do much for the rest of the afternoon other than go through introductions and squad procedures. Besides the Victors, Twyla, and commanding officer Lieutenant Gale Hawthorne...How did anyone get Katniss to agree to that?...the squad included Andy Mellark and two Thirteen-born sharpshooters name Aya Wick and Lev Hunt.

While Wick and Hunt didn't say much, Andy freely admitted, "I'm here mostly because I'm Peeta Mellark's nephew. I mean, I can shoot pretty well, too...it's mostly the name, though. No offense, but I'd rather be in my old unit with Etta. Celeste Snow thought it was a good idea to have me here."

"Once a Gamemaker, always a Gamemaker," Helvius muttered.

Using the "Holo", a holographic map device that marked the locations of all known pods, the squad had been and would continue to move through sections of Capitol streets that had already been gone over by other squads. They had been mostly shooting at select buildings and "simple" pods, giving Cressida and her crew enough "staged" footage to edit together with what little that could be gathered from more active units.

Lee took in what he could from Hawthorne's briefing. However, by the time they all gathered for a dinner of thin soup and hard flatbread, he kept nodding off as soon as he sat down. Whatever conversation the others were engaging in flowed around him as meaningless sounds. I hope no one expects me to stand guard, not tonight...

A question from Kori did snap him awake for a minute. "Where are you going to go, Lee? When the war's over?"

"I...not sure." He could feel Helvius's presence mere inches from him. "Probably back to Six, at least for a while…I haven't had a chance to put Axela's things in order…" I got less than a day there for that one speech and propo. "After...I don't know. I'll have to talk it over with Hal."

The topic changed soon, and Helvius himself didn't bring it up until everyone besides one sentry was settling down for the night. Lee was on the verge of sleep when the other man said, "I'll go with you to Six. And anywhere else, if you didn't want to stay there."

"I thought as much." Even on separate bedrolls, he's still managing to be very much in my space. Not that Lee minded. "Where would you want to go? Like to live, long-term?"

"I don't know." Pause. "Maybe somewhere with trees, a forest nearby like in Twelve...Seven has lots of trees. Big ones."

"...Wasn't your Arena full of big trees?"

He could hear the grin in Helvius's voice. "And it was by far the best thing about the place."

Lee fell asleep to his amusement over that.

Until the nightmares arrived, he dreamed of wandering in a sunlit forest with Hal.