I DO NOT OWN OR MAKE ANY PROFIT OFF OF LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT AND ITS CHARACTERS.

A/N: I don't want to surprise or confuse any of you, so I'm going to briefly explain what's happening in this chapter.

Elliot left Olivia's apartment and she doesn't know where he has gone. When she gets a location of him, she goes to bed. BUT! She falls asleep to a childhood memory. This memory is an interaction between Olivia and her mother.

Now- as a child of an alcoholic, I am using my personal experience and the very little knowledge I have of Serena Benson to create this memory. The memory itself is supposed to be set when Olivia is a young child. The memory is supposed to show her mother's aggression and mood swings.

~~~ooOOOoo~~~

OLIVIA BENSON'S APARTMENT

It's well past midnight and Olivia persists in reaching out to every mutual contact she shares with Elliot. She has called Fin, Munch, Cragen, and even Melinda. She has held off on calling Kathy. Mainly because she doesn't feel like explaining how Elliot disappeared, but also as not to worry her. With a deep breath, she clicks on Kathy's contact. Before she can start the call, Fin's name appears across her screen.

Accepting the call she hears, "I got him, Liv. He's with me."

"Is he all right?" she asks anxiously.

"He's- uh…" Fin brings his phone away from his mouth and talks to his unwanted guest, "Stabler, the Advil is above the sink, my guy, not in my fridge!"

Olivia hears and asks, "Fin, is he okay? Is he hurt?"

Focusing back on the call, Fin explains, "He called me when he got cut off."

"Cut off?" Olivia knows exactly what he means. Memories of having to drag her mother out of random bars come flooding back into her mind.

"Liv-" he knows where her mind is.

"I'm coming over," she declares.

He sighs, "Nuh-uh. No way. You don't need to see Elliot like this. Let him sober up, and you can drop by in the morning." Olivia lets out a heavy breath. Fin continues, "And if you do come over, I ain't lettin' you in. "

A moment of silence sweeps over the phone call. Giving in, she accepts his offer, "Okay." Before she hangs up she mentions, "He's been having nightmares-"

Cutting her off, he chuckles to himself, "He'll be sleeping like a baby tonight. I guarantee it."

"How much?" Olivia starts but chokes up a bit. Hiding her weakness, she asks again, "How much did he have to drink."

"I didn't ask for an itemized bill. I just paid and dragged his ass outta there before he could make a fool of himself."

"Let me pay you back. How much was the bill?"

"I don't need you to-"

"How much, Fin?"

"Almost two hundred."

"Jesus…"

"Jesus was nowhere near that bar, I can tell you that much," cracking a joke, he laughs.

Olivia pinches the bridge of her nose hoping to get rid of her impending headache, "Thank you for getting him, Fin."

"Uh-huh," Fin says, "I'm guessing you're coming over tomorrow morning to haul his ass back to your place. Munch's leftover bagels are on the kitchen counter if you want any."

"I didn't realize you were so hospitable," she giggles.

"I try to help out when I can," he smiles, "Try and get some sleep."

"I'll try," she hangs up the call and stares at the ceiling. Olivia tries to sort through the grief and the overwhelming sense of doom she is feeling. She can't tell if she is grieving her mother or the loss of her partner- the longest relationship she has ever had with a man. Pulling a blanket over her legs and up to her chest, she continues to stare at the ceiling as old childhood memories begin to play like a movie in her mind.

'Mommy, get up! Get up!'

'Olivia Margaret Benson! What have I told you about raising your voice at me?!'

'But you do it all the time…'

'I'm your mother. I can do whatever I want. Now get me another glass.'

'You said you would stop after four.'

'OLIVIA! I don't care what I said before! I am telling you now that I want another glass.'

'You're scaring me, mommy…"

'I'm sorry sweetie… Mommy loves you. You know that right? Right? Mommy loves you. Please get me another glass, sweetpea.'

~~~ooo~~~

ODAFIN TUTUOLA'S APARTMENT

"Who was that?" Elliot slurs.

"Who do you think?" Fin tosses his phone on the coffee table and sits next to the drunk detective.

"She called me crazy. Said I needed to talk with a shrink," Elliot slurs.

Fin turns his body to face Elliot, "I doubt she called you crazy."

With a deep breath, Elliot recounts his conversation with Olivia, "She asked me if I had thought about talking with someone."

"So she never said you were crazy."

"She didn't have to."

"Talkin' to someone about what happened doesn't make you crazy."

"She thinks I need help, Fin."

"Do you need help?"

Elliot scoffs at the question. Spitting slightly as he slurs, he raises his voice, "You think I'm crazy too! I'm not crazy!" Fin quickly shoots up into a standing position and silently walks toward his bedroom. Elliot yells, "I'm not crazy!" Slowly entering the main room again, something shiny peeks through Fin's clenched hand.

Sitting next to him, he lightly places the object in Elliot's hand. Elliot looks at the object and moves his line of sight to the small photo Fin is holding out. Fin begins, "Izabel Sosa, 16 years old. December 25th, 1996 she murdered her entire family while she was high on crack." With a dramatic pause, Elliot waits for the point. Fin continues, "Her father, Armando, was stabbed 98 times. Her mother, Soledad, had her throat slit and was gutted. Her sister, Manuela, 11 years old, and her brother, Santiago, 7 years old, were both shot execution style. Her other sister, Carmen, only 1 year old, was smothered.."

Elliot opens his mouth to speak but can only manage to say his name, "Fin-"

"Izabel kidnapped her 5-year-old brother Miguel and hid out in her dealer's house. Police were called for a potential break-in at this known dealer's house. My partner and I were the only ones on the scene. I walked in and Izabel had a gun to Miguel's head," Fin brings his head into his hands as he recalls the event, "I tried reasonin' with her. I told her that she could get help. That it didn't need to end this way, but..."

"You shot her," Elliot put the pieces together.

"My partner took Miguel out the back door as I watched her bleed out."

"I'm sorry, Fin."

Fin pointed to the cross necklace in Elliot's grasp, "Izabel was wearing that necklace when I took her life from her. I could see the light go out. It was like I could see her finally have peace."

Eyeing the gold cross necklace, his eyes begin to water. This necklace was seemingly insignificant to Elliot, but to Fin, it carried a life. Elliot asks quietly, "Did you talk to someone?"

"Nah," Fin takes the necklace back and stands, "But if I knew then what I know now, I might have considered it. I never talked about it to anyone other than my partner."

Witnessing one of the most stoic individuals he was acquainted with acknowledge the possibility of talking with someone truly opened Elliot's eyes. He yawns and slurs, "Liv…" Fin watches him as leans into the couch cushions and closes his eyes. Letting out a sigh, Elliot admits, "I need to tell her-"

"You can do that in the morning," Fin watches as Elliot quickly drifts off to sleep. Picking up his phone from the coffee table, he opens messages.

FIN: We talked a little, but he's out like a light.

FIN: I'll be at the precinct tomorrow morning, so just let yourself in.

With no response, he assumes Olivia is asleep. He plugs his phone into the charger connected to the wall and falls asleep to his train of thought, 'She'll see the text in the morning… They're definitely gonna get together… I gotta up the bet with Munch… Damn, I'd like to see him lose money…Such a penny pincher…'

~~~ooo~~~

OLIVIA BENSON'S APARTMENT

Waking up in a cold sweat, she sits straight up and squints at the stovetop clock. The clock reads 8:03. She exclaims, "Fuck!" Clicking on Fin's contact she begins the call. After two rings the call connects, "I fell asleep on the couch and didn't set my alarm-"

"It's all right. I'm at work now, but you are more than welcome to go and get your man," he interrupts her.

Olivia lowers her tone and scorns Fin, "He is not my man, but I'll head over." With a deep breath, she continues, "Thank you."

"Anytime, Liv," hanging up the phone, Fin gets back to work.

'Dammit!' she thinks to herself as she rolls off the couch. Getting dressed, brushing her teeth, and making herself look somewhat presentable takes all of twenty minutes. Fin lived fairly close to Olivia- only six blocks away. It's easier for her to walk the distance rather than walk to the parking garage, get her car, drive to Fin's, and then find parking there. Passing her local coffee shop, Olivia decides to grab a cup of hot coffee in hopes that she will feel more lively.

~~~ooo~~~

ODAFIN TUTUOLA'S APARTMENT

A neighbor of Fin's recognizes Olivia and lets her pass through the entrance. Walking up the stairs she tightly grasps her coffee cup. Feeling the anxiety pulsing through her veins, she lifts her free hand to the door and knocks. With no response, Olivia knocks again, "Stabler. Open up."

The door swings open and Elliot fills the doorframe, "Liv."

Waiting for him to move out of the way, Olivia arches her brow, "Are you gonna let me in?"

Silently, Elliot sidesteps and allows Olivia to enter the apartment. Waiting for him to start explaining himself, Olivia looks at him. Realizing that he refuses to speak first, she breathes, "How are you feeling?"

"I've had worse hangovers," Elliot answers. He watches as she places herself delicately on the unmade couch. Elliot asks, "So… How much did Fin tell you?"

Pursing her lips together, she replies, "Not much."

Elliot sighs deeply and scrubs his hands over his face. Trudging over to the other side of the couch, he plops himself down two cushions away from Olivia. With a deep breath, his voice tentatively wavers, "I am so sorry, Olivia."

"For making me worried or for being an asshole?"

"Can it be both?" he asks shyly. Accepting his apology silently, she allows him to continue, "I just-" He releases a breath and raises his head to make eye contact, "I don't know how to explain it."

"How about you start with why you got so upset with me when I asked you about talking to someone?"

"I need help, Liv."

Olivia leans back into the couch cushions taking in his confession, "I think admitting that is a huge step for you, El."

Elliot pushes his fear to the side and starts to explain, "I have never dealt with anything that has to do with my mental health. I always push it aside and move forward because I always thought it would go away."

"But it just keeps piling up," she finishes his thought. Placing her hand on his back and rubbing supportively, she admits, "There is nothing wrong with asking for help."

"I shouldn't need help, Liv. I'm a fully grown, fully functioning member of society. I shouldn't need to sit down and talk about my feelings."

"El…"

"It's embarrassing. It's-"

"I see someone."

The silence in the air is overwhelming. He thinks as he slowly raises his head to face her, 'You what?'

Olivia takes a deep breath and quickly explains, "I went once after my mother died. I didn't make it a regular thing. The next time I went was after…" Her breath hitches, "After Gitano. Then I went again when I found out I had a brother. I didn't meet with someone regularly until…" Lowering her line of sight, Olivia fidgets with her hands, "Not until after Sealview."

Elliot can tell her apprehensiveness to admit the timeline. Bringing his hand out, he grasps both of her hands and squeezes supportively.

Still looking down, she slightly smirks, "I used to go every other week. Now it's more like once a month or when something terrible happens."

"I didn't know…" Elliot croaks out, "I wouldn't have…" He can't seem to finish his sentence out loud, but thinks to himself, 'I wouldn't have been so hostile.'

"It's okay, El. It's different for everyone. I'm just glad you're alright," Olivia wraps her arms around Elliot and pulls him in for a tight embrace, "I can make some calls and see if there is someone who can take you in."

Leaning out of her embrace, he tries to hide his watering eyes, "That would be great, Liv. Thank you."

"You're not in this alone, El. I'm right here with you," grasping onto his shoulder, she squeezes it and rises to her feet. Looking over into the small kitchen area she smiles, "Now I was promised some leftover bagels. So how about I grab those, you down this coffee, and we go back to my place."

Elliot lets out a small chuckle, "Sounds like a plan."

Olivia hands him one of the steaming cups of coffee that she had placed on the coffee table. Getting up from the couch, she can see Elliot chugging the hot liquid and nearly spilling it on himself. With a small grin, Olivia raids Fin's kitchen.

~~~ooo~~~

OLIVIA BENSON'S APARTMENT

Later in the day Olivia and Elliot find themselves channel surfing. The silence is not awkward but is calm and full of understanding. Tossing the remote to Olivia, Elliot states, "Kathy wants me to come home tomorrow."

Olivia's eyes widen slightly and she turns away from the television to face her partner, "To stay there... or-"

"To talk with the kids and get ahead of the paperwork," Elliot cuts her off.

"Oh…" Olivia tries to translate his longing glances into words. She asks slowly, "Would you like me to come with you? For support?"

"Would you?"

"El… I'll do whatever it takes. You're my partner. I have your back."

Elliot doesn't know quite how to put how he is feeling into words. He just simply nods his head with a goofy grin, "Thank you."

Turning her attention back to the television, she presses play. Although the program is halfway done, Olivia watches it intently trying to remain calm. She thinks, 'Kathy seemed okay with this arrangement… What if his kids aren't? What if his kids hate me? What if Kathy hates me? What- It's going to be okay. Everything will work out… It has to…"

~~~ooOOOoo~~~

A/N: I apologize it took me so long to get this chapter out. If I am being completely honest I have been struggling with my mental health. I have taken the semester off of school to focus on myself and hopefully get a head start at paying off my student loans. While I may technically have more time to write, I just feel like crap all the time. I appreciate every single one of you and I will hopefully be working on a more concrete writing schedule from now on.