Title: Love Is For Children
Rating: PG-13/T
Originally posted: November 2015
Originally written for: flipflopdiva, based on her prompt, for Avland on Livejournal
Characters/Pairings: Steve/Nat
Notes: none

He woke up in the night and found her gone. Somehow, Steve wasn't at all surprised by her absence. What threw him more was the realisation that though she had left his bed, she had yet to disappear altogether. The figure by the window could be no-one else. Steve had learnt her figure and form almost as well as his own these past months, and never more than tonight in his bed.

Natasha Romanoff was like no other woman he ever met. She was amazing in more ways than he could ever name. For weeks now, he had felt something developing between them, something more than the friendship that had come so naturally to him and so awkwardly to her. People like Nat didn't have relationships, as such. Though she was close enough to Barton, that seemed like more of a life debt than a friendship much of the time. It was Steve she seemed closest too, though he himself had denied it a long time, sure he must be wrong. Tonight proved differently, at least he assumed so. Perhaps he had been wrong.

"Natasha?" he called softly into the dark.

Her silhouette flinched at the sound, which surprised him. She had to know he was there and awake. Nat was a professional, she would have noticed the change in his breathing and the stirring of the covers, no matter how slight, long before he ever spoke to her.

The real shock was that the slight movement of surprise was all the response Steve got from her. Not a word, not a hurried exit. He rose from the bed and came over to the window where the pale moonlight lit them both just slightly. With her face to the glass, Steve couldn't read Nat's expression. Even now, he wondered if he would be able to in broad daylight and face-to-face.

"Nat..."

"Don't." She snatched her arm away when his fingers circled her wrist. "Just, don't. Please?"

Her voice was soft but sharp at the same time as she folded her arms across her chest defensively. She was dressed in nothing but her underwear. Still, Steve knew better than to think it was her mostly naked state that was making her feel so jumpy, so out of sorts. Long before they had taken to bed together, he had seen her much less than fully clothed on multiple occasions. Natasha was not afraid to show her body. She was not afraid of anything as far as Steve could tell, not until this moment.

"I'm sorry." He sighed in the semi-dark, pushing his hair back off his forehead in some nervous gesture he couldn't help. "I didn't... Clearly, I did something wrong."

"You didn't," she assured him, though her eyes were fixed on the view outside and there was a shake in her voice that Steve was sure he never heard from her before. "I'm not a frightened virgin, Captain. You can't scare me or hurt me, at least, not how you meant it," she told him, finally sparing him the briefest of glances.

If Steve didn't know any better he would swear she had been crying, but that would be crazy. Nat wasn't the type to cry. Most would say she didn't even feel. Steve knew better than that, but he still hadn't been ready for this change in her behaviour. After what they shared, he half expected them to grow closer, if that were possible. Certainly, he had not expected her to revert to the cold hard steel of the Agent Romanoff he first met before the Battle of New York. It hurt, more than he was comfortable with. It was enough to make him angry with her attitude.

"Natasha," he called for her attention one more time, hands on his hips purely to stop him from daring to touch her again. "I don't know what's going on here. Maybe I'm an idiot for thinking that last night actually meant something to you-"

"But it did," she cut in, so suddenly that Steve physically jumped at the sound of her voice. "It did," she repeated, turning to look up at him. "I never expected..." She shook her head, swallowed hard, tried to get her bearings. "Love is for children. I've said it before, I meant it, at least I thought I did. My life became such that it was easier to harden myself. Necessary for the job, you know this. I know this. A physical release of passion is all well and good, but I don't feel, I can't... I can't afford to feel," she said, voice cracking all over again.

Nat bit her lip and looked away. Steve wished he knew what to say to her. It wasn't that Natasha regretted what had happened here, that she felt nothing for Steve at all. The truth seemed to be that she felt too much, and that frightened her. The hard-hearted, ruthless special agent, that had wreaked havoc and death across the globe, could be vulnerable. Here in this room, in the presence of Steve himself, she had bent and broken somehow, she had felt something undeniable, and she was terrified.

"It's a big deal for me too," he assured her, unsure if it would help at all but trying anyway. "Y'know for a guy who's lived ninety years, I haven't exactly had a lot of... bedroom experience," he said awkwardly.

Nat smiled slightly but still couldn't look at him. "You did just fine," she promised, making Steve smile too.

"That's because I was with you," he told her, daring now to reach out and touch her, his hand at her cheek, turning her face until their eyes met again. "Natasha, I only ever expected to fall in love once. My life altered so much and... Well, you know the story, more of it than anybody else after all the tales I've told you and only you," he reminded her. "You know me. You know I would never have let this all happen if I wasn't sure about you, about us. I'm sorry if that scares you, but honestly? It scares me too, in the best way." He smiled, hands sliding to her shoulders and pulling her a little closer. "Love can be for everyone. Even people like us."

Nat nodded slowly, still seemingly uncertain but determined now that this was a moment she could not lose, this was a man she needed to hang on to. Maybe she was a fool for letting even one corner of her heart be under the control of another, but by and by, she had come to realise she couldn't help it. No safer hands existed than those of the great Captain America, except perhaps for Steve Rogers, the man behind the shield. If anyone could be trusted with the heart of Natasha Romanoff, she would have to say it was him. They sealed their agreement with a kiss, and the fear almost immediately began to fade.