I sighed something of tiredness mixed with happiness as I hung up the last of the things I bought while out earlier today. Normally, my work didn't include in-person investigations, and it had been years since my last undercover sting. A good way to describe the feeling was like returning to the gym after a year of skipping and excuses.
The weight of remembering hit me as I walked into the well-endowed attached bathroom, I had nightshift coming up soon and the call of sleep would have to go to voicemail tonight.
After setting the necessary equipment to remove today's layer of makeup, my mind began to dance around. Becoming lost in thought about tonight's upcoming duties and how I should go about on the 24th trip, which was the day after tomorrow, I hadn't even realized until my face was damp and smelling of rose water that I was piloting on auto.
It was dangerous for me to be so unguarded.
I'd already played most of my hand in this little game with L during my time here, from a touch to the cheek almost turning into a kiss to coddling him in front of Light after he fell out of his chair, I was losing horribly. It was hard to face facts, the wall of hate I'd been working on for eleven years was laying around in pieces inside me.
"You're an idiot."
The reflection in the sink mirror had nothing to say about it, so I dropped it.
I was about to start the shower when I realized I left my change of clothing lying on the bed. For obvious reasons why I didn't want to run around unclad after, I had to go get them.
Like an unwanted stray cat, L was standing by the open closet, taking a gander at the new spoils hanging up.
He was under my feet again.
I didn't dare to ask how long he'd been eavesdropping, because he was, instead I took a deep breath.
"I wanted to thank you for the jelly cubes."
His remark was surprising, he didn't want to personally thank me, Watari already did when I came home with the box of coffee-flavored sweets.
"You're welcome, but, I'm a little busy right now…"
The room filled with silence as we both just stood there.
"You know we'll have to talk about it."
He said, plain as day.
There were a lot of things we were going to end up having to talk about, pick a damn topic.
"I understand why you asked his friends about Light, in front of Light, but the whole shinigami conversation the two of you had, well it has me stumped."
I threw the bath towel on the bed, realizing this was going to take a bit.
"We decided that the mentioning of Shinigami in the note from the second Kira was to be forgotten for the moment as it holds nothing of value."
"Yes, we did, in front of the Task Force and Light himself. Which is why I did it."
In his poor posture, L stared with a blank expression.
"You told me to apply pressure. What better way than to face Kira head-on with something he thinks L isn't interested in?"
"You're assuming Kira's thinking."
"That's what you've been doing this whole time,"
I tried my best to shift my weight around and keep a cool head or I'd lose this confrontation.
"Then, you haven't been paying attention Miss. Petrillo, if you think I'm only assuming."
The cockiness used to be a selling point in my book, but now it was just infuriating.
"Then maybe the rumors online were right and L is Kira."
With each word I leaned in just a little closer, knowing he might be a human robot but right now he could feel my venom.
When I could feel the chemicals swim throughout my body, I was known to chomp down on a fingernail or two.
"Nail-biting is a bad habit."
"Yeah, so is binge-eating."
The retorts weren't helpful, but, sometimes it's all you can muster, and it did get me to stop.
Moving my arms back across my chest, I let out a heavy sigh. Though I didn't directly see it, while I was putting the burning anger out L must have dug through my suitcase sitting open beside him as he had the book I'd bought earlier. He was flipping through the pages I had marked with post-it strips to look into next time I had free time.
The sight seemed mocking, which undid everything I put forward to calm down.
I snatched the book from him, tossing it onto the bed.
"Don't be so damn condescending. You'll start turning even my stomach."
"I was reading that…"
He said the same way a child might when the television is changed on him.
"No you weren't, and things like that make it so damn hard to love you."
The words fell out before the taste of their meaning could touch my tongue. Once it did my whole nerve system stung awake.
I felt the burn in my face and the skipping of my heart. It wasn't like this was news to him, but I swore a long time ago that he'd never hear me open up to him again.
L's eyes fell on me and all I could feel was emotionally naked.
"Get the hell out of here," I said, in between breaths and turning my head.
"Why? Your confession is nothing new. You weren't very good at hiding."
The feeling of humiliation changed to revengeful, turning my frown upside down and sharp.
"Don't get cocky, your hands aren't clean."
My weight became too much to bear, forcing me to sit on the edge of the bed. L turned his body towards me, body language telling me he was still listening.
"You've slipped up, you still have feelings as well."
"It's an interesting hypothesis, but that's all it'll end up being if you don't have anything to show."
A small chuckle tripped over my teeth, ah, how quickly we forget my dear detective.
"People who are clean and clear don't follow someone for eleven years."
By this time L had grown closer to the bed, hands still in his jean pockets.
"They also don't offer to help someone when they wouldn't get anything out of it. You offered to make a call for me the last time I spoke to Steve, it was so out of character for you I can't help but still think about it."
He had gotten close enough to temp my rushing brain with thoughts of touch. The fingers on my left hand twitched to rub up against his arm.
"Finally be honest, just this once. You're not mad about the case, you're upset I used myself as bait to draw out Kira from Light in a public setting, where the second Kira could be watching and could end up dead if they ever meet."
I couldn't take it anymore, standing up so our bodies were only inches away from brushing.
"You can't even make the argument that somehow Kira could get me to tell him your name because I don't know it."
Even in our most intimate moments I only called him by that single letter.
L began to say something to oppose me, but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I wondered if he could feel the shaking of my nerves as my finger sealed his lips closed. It was a ballsy move that my head couldn't wrap itself around, sinking closer to insanity with each drop of stillness. Like reading my mind, he moved his hand to my right cheek, the soft warm padding of his thumb stirring up something under my skin.
Also with a talent for being cat-like, I reacted by moving up to his messy hair and burying my fingers against his scalp.
L would never make the first move, no matter how much the man in him wanted to and I was becoming too far gone to save. I gave a soft tug to his locks, just enough to force him to respond without too much thinking.
The force of his mouth crashing upon mine threw us both back onto the bed, I was happily drowning in shock and warmness, as usually, I'd be the one to kiss first. Random thought of how embarrassing it was that he could probably only taste the minty toothpaste in my mouth floated around inside and I knew my system was overloaded.
Just then L did something he didn't do the last time I was under him, he took control without direction. The new hotness of his skin left a trail going up my arm as he moved around to feel, our lips never parting for more than a breath.
Damnit, I had wanted this for too long.
The sound of a soft snap caught my attention, looking down to see the dress strap that had dug itself into my left shoulder now laid in two parts. I wasn't mad, and the damn thing was cheap, but the incident brought L out of it.
I watched the emotional side of him drain from his eyes, those small black pupils retaining their normal size once more.
"Now isn't the time for this…" I could hear the slight shake in his breathing.
"Right," I just plainly lied to him, it was the exact opposite of my thought process.
No one moved, his hand was still on my arm and I had one under his thin white shirt. Moving just a little more up, I placed it in the area of his heart. I was checking for his biological reaction because I couldn't be the only one fighting off the heat deep in my stomach. L pushed himself back to his feet and off of me, fixing the mess I'd made of his clothes.
He didn't say anything as he left, but I didn't need it. I already had my answer as the quickened rhythm of his heart burnt its memory into the palm of my hand.