"Do you resent me?"
Astarion looks up, wearily, from the corner of the Elfsong Tavern room that they had been staying in for some time now.
"Darling….what would I have to resent you for…?"
You slowly walk over to his corner of the room, and sit beside him on the edge of the bed. You observe him as he turns his gaze over to the hands in his lap.
"It…just feels like…you may have made your choice because of…me."
Astarion turns his head to look back at you, betraying nothing in those crimson eyes at the moment, but listening.
"If I wasn't around….you would have been free to make the choice you always wanted," you continued, your eyes glassing over as you ponder the thoughts that have been plaguing you since the moment Astarion made his choice in the Szarr palace.
"The freedom that you always craved… did I take that away from you?"
Astarion's eyes widened as you made your declaration.
"You… think it wasn't the right choice?"
"Not that," you tried to clarify. "Maybe… maybe I don't know what the right choice is. But what mattered is… your choice."
"You trusted me. You trusted me with a choice that, in the end, goes back centuries…" your voice starts to shake. "A choice with consequences you must live with for…eternity." You look up at him as tears finally threaten to pour from your eyes. "What right did I have, to ask you to sacrifice yourself to the shadows?"
Astarion stares at you as he ponders your statement. He looks away from you as he stares at the cracked, drying paint on the wall of the old room.
"I think about it every minute, every moment." Astarion speaks slowly, softly. "I think about the colours of the city. The warmth of the rays at dawn, beckoning me towards the next day. I think about the sanguine hunger I have suffered for over 200 years, and how I could be free from that pain. Free from all limitations. And how that will never be now… once the parasite is destroyed."
You look up at him in despair as your body threatens to let out a sob.
"And I think about… how it would never be enough."
It was your turn for your eyes to widen. His gaze had softened as his fingers move to entwine in your own.
"I see the colours through your eyes, through the stories that you tell me of your adventures. I feel the warmth through your skin as you lay beside me every night."
"And your blood can sate me better than any power can" You giggle as he softly wipes the tears from your eyes.
"Before you, before this nautiloid fiasco … I had no reason to want anything else but freedom and power. I only lived to escape what I was. I had everything to gain. And nothing to lose. So ofcourse, this Ascension seemed like an obvious choice."
"But everything changed," Astarion said breathily. "From the moment you wormed your way into my heart…you became a complication that I never expected. Suddenly, I had everything to lose."
"I would have stayed," you say thickly.
"I know you would," Astarion says sadly, "but would you have been happy?"
"I probably would have been happy…happier than I was, for sure." Astarion stares distantly at the wall as he speaks. "But where would that happiness end? What would sate me, if my happiness was dependent on power? I would have to take more, control more, be more…it is surely the fate that befell Cazador, that befalls all with power…more power than they know what to do with." Astarion winces as he utters his late master's name. "The need for power, for control, can never be sated. It would never be enough. Nothing would ever be enough."
"But you, with me, here? That is enough. You are enough. We are enough."
You pause as you ponder his words for a moment.
"Am I?" you whisper weakly, as you stare at your entwined hands.
You feel the chill of his hands as his hands move to hold your cheeks firmly and tilts your head up to look at him. The intensity in his eyes at that moment was like nothing you've ever seen on him before.
"Listen to me," he says firmly, staring fiercely into your eyes, as if he was speaking through to your soul. "There is nothing in the world that I wouldn't sacrifice to remain here by your side. You are my eternity. My mad love. Besides," Astarion smiles as he stares into your eyes. "I still think it was the right choice, regardless. If I could go back and do it all over again, I'd make the same choice. Every time."
Astarion's words cause the tears that you were holding back to creep up to the surface, as your body begins to wrack with heavy sobs, as you let out the doubt and fear that you have been holding since you both learned that the Ascension was a thing – since you have contemplated that potential decision every minute of every day, since the moment Astarion asked you to help him, and you convinced him to give away that power, to save those souls, to save himself. Astarion pulls your head to his chest and holds you tightly as you shake against him.
"My darling, why do you weep? Don't sell yourself so short. No one else has a heart like you. You're the only one," Astarion whispers into your ear.
"I love you," you declare into his shirt, tears still staining the soft, white material.
"I love you too," Astarion says, leaning backward, pulling you down with him until he was laying on his back, with your head resting on his chest, hands softly caressing your hair. "I can't imagine another way I would want to spend the rest of my days, my love. I'm not afraid – not anymore. And especially not of our future."
And that is how you both fell asleep, with the two of you in eachother's arms and your dreams of the future in eachother's hearts.