Chapter 1: Do This Without Him

Chandler knew it the second his call went through: something was wrong.

He could hear it in the grating, emotional whine in Joey's voice that always signified when his former roommate was distressed or emotional.

All Chandler could do was stand there and listen in horror, helpless to do anything, as his best friend said words that might send his bride-to-be to an early grave before she could get down the aisle.

"The shoot is running late! They won't let me go! I…." Chandler could actually hear the tears in Joey's timbre. "I'm sorry, Chandler: I'm not going be able to marry you and Monica. Even if they shut production down for the day right now, I'd never make it in time!" To his credit, Joey sounded genuinely distraught.

Chandler clutched the phone to his ear and bowed his head, brow furrowed. "I understand, Joe…" he rumbled, trying his best to sound soothing.

"Will Monica?" Joey pressed, still sounding as though he was about to burst into tears, if he hadn't already.

"I'll talk to her," Chandler promised.

"You'd better," Joey warned ominously. "You can't keep something like this from her – not when you're this close to making her an honest woman!" He exhaled a sigh of defeat. "I just…. I really wanted this, you know? To hell with the movie – getting to officiate your wedding was going to be the role of a lifetime!"

Chandler smiled, touched. "Trust me, man: the honor is ours."

"Please ask Monica to forgive me," Joey pleaded.

"Why wouldn't she forgive you?" Chandler chuckled through the sudden and odd lump in his throat.

"Well, you know the old saying: Mon makes plans, and God laughs." The poor actor sounded miserable.

Chandler's lips quirked in bemusement. "Joe, I'm pretty sure the phrase is, 'Man make plans, and God laughs.'" A beat. "Though, come to think of it, when have you specifically yourself made any kind of plans?"

Joey chuckled mirthlessly; the whine that now came through in his voice sounded more mustered. "I plan my auditions!"

"No, Estelle plans your auditions," Chandler reminded him, almost paternalistically. "And who organizes all your materials?"

"…. You and Monica," Joey grumbled grudgingly.

Chandler softened. "For what's it worth, Mon and I both know how hard you worked on this. You did write that speech on your own… redundant as it initially was…." Rubbing a spot along the bridge of his nose, he grinned sadly. "We understand…"

"Many happy returns," Joey warbled. Chandler thought he heard a sob before the call disconnected.

Lowering the phone from his ear, Chandler now allowed himself to let some of the panic overtake him. If he had panicked at all on this day, his wedding day, he would have figured it would be one last spasm at the thought of committing himself, even to the most beautiful woman he had ever known, for the rest of his life.

Several thoughts ran through his mind:

'Many happy returns' was usually said to a couple after they had gotten married. Joey couldn't exactly say that when it now seemed in doubt that the wedding would even happen today at all, what with his involuntary absence.

Even if he and Monica could still somehow get married, without their original officiant, where were they supposed to find a replacement at such late notice?

Chandler knew he had to break this news to Monica. The question was how. It was bad luck to see his bride before the wedding, even to deliver bad news.

Chandler dismissed this last point out of hand. He couldn't exactly bring any more bad luck down on his almost-marriage when the bad luck was already here.

In the lobby of this hotel, Chandler glanced to the ballroom where he and Monica were to be wed. Another nuptials was already happening inside, and was supposed to end soon to clear the way for the Bing-Geller ceremony. The happy couple ahead of them might leave the chapel at any moment – oddly, this made Chandler flash back to the night when he and Monica had almost eloped in Vegas, only to then see Ross and Rachel stumbling out of the love chapel drunk.

It was like a bad case of déjà vu, except ten times worse.

A light bulb went off in Chandler's head. The couple marrying before them must have someone officiating. Perhaps the priest, rabbi, monk, imam or whoever would stay to marry him and Monica? The placard that bore the name of the wedding in question left the matter of religious denomination unclear. Chandler hoped the holy man might be a rabbi – though Monica had selected Joey to marry them, having her marriage blessed by a man of her Jewish faith might mollify her.

First, Chandler had to talk to his intended. They could deal with rounding up the holy man – religious affiliation still to be determined – in a moment.

Chandler ran through the halls of the hotel until he came upon the bridal suite chambers in which his beloved was being sequestered. He pounded on the door insistently while trying not to make the knock sound too frantic.

When Rachel, the Maid of Honor, poked her head out the door, she let out a shriek.

"Chandler! You can't be here!"

"I have to talk to Monica!" Chandler pleaded.

Rachel gasped before wagging a finger in his face. "Ohhhh, no – you are not backing out, mister! Not now!"

"I'm not backing out!" Chandler gawped, mouth hung open and gesticulating violently.

Rachel visibly exhaled a sigh of relief. "You still can't see her! It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding…."

"Rache, we already have bad luck!"

The agitated tone of Chandler's voice made Rachel take pause. Squirming out through the narrow crack in the door, she closed it behind her.

"What's happened?" her eyes searched his.

"I just got off the phone with Joey," Chandler swallowed. "His shoot is running late. He... he's not going to make it to the wedding…."

Rachel's face fell in sympathy, even as she drew a hand to her mouth. "Oh, honey….. But…. but…. who's gonna marry you….?"

"…. I have no idea….!" Chandler chuckled tightly, a strained grin on his face. He was barely staving off panic.

"Chandler, this is serious! If Joey can't marry you…."

"What?! What do you mean Joey can't marry us?!" The door to the bridal suite suddenly flung open and there was Monica.

Chandler's jaw dropped at the sight of her, in her wedding dress. She was breathtaking. The very word beautiful did not do her justice. Even her face, slack-jawed in horror, was in some ways a luminous sight to behold.

Chandler swallowed hard. He took his hands in hers, rubbing his fingers over her knuckles soothingly. "Joey called. He's been detained at his shoot. He…. he's not gonna make it to our wedding…."

Chandler's heart sank, even as a part of him was a little surprised, to see Monica's lip tremble, her brilliant blue eyes dim. "Oh, no…." she looked close to weeping herself.

"Oh, babe…. I'm so sorry….." Chandler wrapped Monica in a hug, rubbing her back; over her shoulder, he saw Phoebe dash into the hall and join them, likely agitated that Monica was inviting superstition by seeing her groom early. The ditzy masseuse faltered as Rachel hurriedly whispered an explanation.

"Wh-What are we gonna do….?" Monica sniffled. "I….. I wanted everything to be perfect….! Everything was going to be perfect….!"

"You thought it would be perfect for Joey to marry you?" Phoebe blinked, even chuckled, through her dry deadpan. A tearful Monica glanced back at her bridesmaid from where she remained at rest in Chandler's arms. At the bemused looks, Phoebe shrugged. "I'm just saying, maybe this is an opportunity. You know, when life gives you lemons, you make…." Her voice trailed off uncertainly, and she shrugged again. "Anyone would be a step-up from Joey!"

"Who?" Rachel demanded, nearly close to hyperventilating herself in frustration. "Who, Phoebe? Do you see anyone else here who is ordained?!"

Chandler started to lift a finger at this perfect segue into his last-ditch plan, but Monica interrupted him. She stared up into her fiancé's face, stricken, even heartsick. "I really wanted Joey to marry us! I was looking forward to it!"

Chandler blinked at her, bewildered. "…. I didn't think Joey marrying us meant that much to you…." To bounce off of Phoebe's point, one thing was true: Joey had not been either his or Monica's first choice, at least not at first. They hadn't even asked Joey to marry them – he had offered. But once Joey had, Chandler and Monica had warmed to the idea, even embraced it.

"Well, it did!" Monica pouted adorably. "I mean, I wouldn't have exactly thought of it myself, but it meant something to him, which means it meant something to you, so it meant something to me! He's your best…" She stopped. "…. He's our best friend. Joey's like having another brother – I was thrilled thinking he was going to pronounce us husband and wife!" She now started to cry.

Chandler held her close.

"Oh, Chandler…." Monica wept. "What are we gonna do….?"

"I don't know," he crooned.

"Are - are we still going to get married today…?"

Chandler rubbed his lips together in thought. "Maybe….. I have an idea. Do you trust me?"

Monica peered up at him, her bloodshot eyes leaving her mascara ruined. "With my love and my life."