Dreaming Only of You
Penelope loved to dream and she loved to read. And the only thing she loved even more was Colin Bridgerton. At night all three collided. While awake she knew Colin did not see her as anything other than a friend. That had been made crystal clear at her mother's ball but it didn't stop the way she felt about him.
Although Penelope read all genres of books, Colin was always the romantic lead in her dreams. And Penelope had an active imagination. After all, it wasn't as though she had experience to reflect on. Even if a gentleman looked in her direction, her mother and sisters would soon discourage any possible suitors. Heaven forbid she get out of the Featherington household.
They had returned from another ball where she had spent the majority of the evening standing in the corner blending into the wallpaper. The highlight of the evening apart from hearing some juicy gossip that she could use for her Lady Whistledown sheet was Colin asking her to dance. Unfortunately it was only the one dance which was over all too soon.
She was exhausted. These evenings could drag on when you had no one to talk to and everyone ignored you. Eloise still would not speak to her, so these balls were more depressing and lonely than ever. Climbing the stairs, she bid her mother and sister good night. Not they noticed or acknowledged her.
Climbing into her bed, she was grateful the evening was over. Closing her eyes she drifted off to sleep. There, in her dreams Colin was waiting for her. A blazing fire burned in the background highlighting his cheekbones and casting him in a golden glow. "I've been waiting for you." His beautiful blue eyes shining as her captured her gaze with his own.
"Why?" Even in her dreams she carried a certain amount of insecurity with her. The sleeping dog by the fire stirred at the sound of her voice.
"Because it has become impossible to hide my feelings for you." Colin moved closer to her. "I can't take my eyes off of you when we are in the room together. I would ask for your every dance if it wouldn't start people talking." He raised his hand and caressed her cheek.
"You would survive a scandal but I would not." The Featherington name was not one which was respected or admired. The Bridgerton name was. Although she was certain that being seen talking or dancing with her wouldn't catch anyone's interest.
Colin smiled in amusement at her. "But we haven't done anything to scandalise the Ton. Yet." He weaved his fingers through her hair and pulled her closer. "Let us rectify that." His kiss was positively sinful as his tongue traced her lower lip before dancing with her own.
She found her hands roaming. Up his well muscled arms to his shoulders. Pushing his jacket off and moving to his vest to undo his buttons.
"Penelope!" Her mother's voice was ear piercing pitch ripping her from her dream.
Damn it. She could not even be left to her dreams in peace. "Yes Mama." She dragged herself out of bed.
"Why is Colin Bridgerton here to see you?" Her mother looked practically giddy. It was not usual for Colin to speak to her. For the most part he was kind and charming. Although it was quite early to visit.
"Once I get dressed, I will ask him." She couldn't see what the fuss was about. It wasn't as though he was there to court her. Not even in her wildest dreams did that happen.
"Well hurry." Her mother was overly excited about a visit from someone she had known for years. Obviously her mother had high hopes for a perfectly normal visit.
When she made it downstairs, she found Colin pacing back and forth in the foyer. "Colin! What's wrong? Are your family well?"
"You would not know where Eloise is, would you?" Colin was not his self-assured, charming self this morning.
"No. We are not exactly on speaking terms." Penelope descended the rest of the stairs ignoring her mother's disappointed expression. "When did you last see her?"
"I am not certain. Eloise does not enjoy the balls so usually disappears well before they are over." Colin ran his hand through his hair, frustrated by his younger sister's latest antics.
"That is true." She had attended many a ball where Eloise had hidden out in the library or simply left and gone home leaving most of her family none the wiser. "Let me fetch my cloak. I may have an idea or two when she may have gone."
"Thank you." Colin looked slightly relieved. Moments later they were walking through the Ton. "So where are we heading?"
"There is an old barn where they are having a gathering that Eloise may be interested in." The subject matter would raise a few eyebrows, but she doubted that members of the Ton would be scandalised if it were discovered that Eloise was associated with it. After all, Eloise was known for following her own path so it was hardly worth gossiping about these days.
"Mother will not be amused." Colin studied the woman beside him. She really was quite unique. He had no idea what had happened between Penelope and Eloise and yet Penelope was still willing to help him find his wayward sister.
"But she will still understand Eloise's need for independence." Penelope envied Eloise her family and opportunities. That was until Eloise had found out she was Lady Whistledown, and she had lost even being associated with the Bridgerton family. She had actually been surprised when Colin had asked her to dance the previous evening.
Colin smiled down at her. She was so observant of those around her. She was his favourite part of the tedious balls. "You've been more quiet than usual. Is everything alright?"
How could she truthfully answer that? That her family thought she was a joke and her best life only existed in her dreams with him. "Let us find your sister."
"You are avoiding the question." He captured her hand to bring her to a halt outside an old barn. "Is there something wrong at home?"
"No more than usual." She walked into the barn and looked for Eloise amongst the crowd. When the speaker took to what appeared to be a stage, Eloise came into view. "There she is."
"Let's get her home before Mother finds her missing." Colin surged forward fully prepared to drag his sister home if he had to.
"Wait." She grabbed his arm. "Do you not want to know why she is here? If you force her to leave, she will only dig her heels in. Eloise is not afraid of making a scene."
"What do you suggest?" Colin was not afraid of his sister making a scene either, but perhaps Penelope was correct. He had no wish to cause the rest of the family embarrassment over Eloise's latest antics.
"If you drag Eloise out of here, she will simply double her efforts to fight the future which society deems acceptable for women." Penelope watched Eloise soaking up the speaker's words. "Some women want more for themselves than marriage and family." Or even the disappointment of one's own family when those two options seemed unlikely.
"You do not want marriage or a family?" It wasn't something they had discussed, and if he were honest with himself the thought of Penelope being married and not sharing witty quips with him at balls was quite depressing.
"We do not always get what we want." If she could get even a fraction of what she dreamt to come to fruition she would be an incredibly happy woman. "It appears that Eloise is in no danger, so perhaps it would be best to leave her to it." She doubted her presence would make Eloise any more amenable.
"Wait Pen." Colin followed his tiny friend out of the barn. "There is someone out there for you. Someone who will see you for the remarkable, witty, brave woman you are." How could they not?
"But you would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington, so why would you think that anyone else would?" Her temper flared at his pity. She knew the unlikelihood of finding anyone who would love her as she loved Colin despite his comment at her family's ball.
The shock couldn't be disguise on Colin's handsome face. "What do you mean?" But the guilt also showed on his face.
"Please do not lie to me. I already feel like a fool." She began her walk home. When she felt his hand on her arm she stopped. "I heard you at my Mama's ball."
"Penelope, it is not what you think." He couldn't believe Penelope had put aside her obviously hurt feelings to help him find his sister. "It was a mistake." Mostly due to him not expecting her to have overheard him and not thinking before he had spoken that night.
"There is no need for you to explain." She removed his hand from her arm. "I am well aware of what everyone says about me. I had just hoped you were different."
"At least allow me to walk you home." There was no excuse he could make to explain himself. And he couldn't undo what had already been done.
"Why don't you wait for Eloise. I can find my own way home." She could see the gathering was letting out. Eloise would not be pleased to see her brother there and even less so if she stayed. Besides, perhaps she could grab a nap and dream of an alternative to what life had already dished out.
"What if I want to walk you home?" Colin had gone straight to Penelope when it was discovered Eloise was missing. Not only because they were friends but because he wanted to see her. "What if I only said I wouldn't court you to hide the fact that I really want to from the others." The confused look on Penelope's face was adorable. "Fyfe always wants what someone else has."
"You do not have me." Penelope had enough pride left to still hold her head high. "Lord Fyfe is only interested in someone he can fool around in the nearest closet with. Give my best to your family." Penelope walked away before Colin could plead his case further.
Perhaps she could utilize Lady Whistledown's column in some way to have a career seeing as other opportunities were not presenting themselves. She braced herself for her mother's disappointment that she was not escorted by a Bridgerton home. The saddest part was, it wouldn't have mattered which one. Sneaking upstairs she went back to bed. At least in her dreams she would not be judged, ridiculed or disappointed.
Slipping off her shoes she laid down and closed her eyes. There he was. The version of Colin who never let her down or hurt her feelings. The flawless version. But it wasn't real.