Chapter 2: Improvise

Once Chandler had told his wife-to-be and her bridesmaids the plan, he couldn't blame them for being skeptical.

"What if the minister doesn't agree to do it?" Rachel wanted to know.

"Yeah, or what if he belongs to some weird denomination like…. Episcopalian?" Phoebe pondered. "Or Buddhism?"

Chandler and Monica gave her funny looks before glancing to each other.

"If there's a chance we can still get married today…." Monica breathed, slipping her hand in his. "I'll marry you in whatever faith the ceremony's conducted in." She turned to her girlfriends. "At this point, does anyone have a better idea?"

Rachel and Phoebe shook their heads.

"Come on," Chandler beckoned his bride. "And we have to hurry. The wedding ahead of us could be letting out any moment!"

"Mon, I'll get your mom and dad!" Rachel dashed down the hall in another direction.

"I'll round up Ross and the groomsmen!" Phoebe volunteered.

Chandler and Monica went back down to the lobby in the hopes that they could intercept the minister.

They were just in time to see the previous recessional just leaving the ballroom, the bride and groom giddy. Behind them, waving a ball of incense was a minister in robes that Chandler couldn't place right away to any denomination.

"Excuse me, sir….. Minister…. Your Excellency…." Chandler stammered awkwardly, dashing up with Monica. "Um…. would you perhaps be interested in marrying two total strangers and officiating a second wedding?" He cringed.

The….. whatever minister this was frowned severely. "You may address me as Father, my children."

"Oh, great. A Catholic!" Chandler grumbled to his love, not quite under his breath.

The Father heard him anyway. "Are you of the faith, my children?"

"Excuse me?" Chandler asked.

"Are you and your betrothed baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church?"

Greek Orthodox Church….? Chandler blanched. For a minute, he wondered if it would be easier to just lie and say Yes. Except he didn't know Greek, and he was pretty sure Monica didn't, either. What if they tried to muddle through a Greek Orthodox ceremony only to be exposed as non-believers?

Hesitating too long, Chandler could only admit the truth. "No, Father…."

The Father's brow furrowed. "Then, I'm sorry, I cannot help you….."

"Father, please! Please?" Monica begged, desperate. "Our original officiant has been detained – we have no one else…!"

To his credit, the Father appeared pained, sympathetic. "I'm sorry, daughter, but I simply cannot sanctify a marriage between non-believers…." He strode regally away.

Monica looked crestfallen. Chandler was shell-shocked and more than a little annoyed at the Father or whatever you called a Greek pompous windbag. There went their chance. Their last chance to salvage their wedding day.

"Now what?" Chandler winced.

Monica sighed, near tears again. "If we don't have anyone ordained to marry us, then…. I…. I guess we'll have to…. postpone the wedding…." Just saying it aloud pained her.

"We can't!" Chandler spluttered, even as he was beginning to accept that the situation seemed hopeless. "If we don't throw something together fast, they're going to give our reservation on the ballroom away!"

"I know!" Monica yelped, frustrated. She began to cry again. "It's…. it's ruined….!" She buried her face in her palms and wept.

"….. Please don't cry…." Chandler begged, watching her sob. He couldn't bear to see her cry. "And please don't blame Joey…"

Sniffling, Monica lifted her face out of her splayed fingers. "… I don't…." she finally managed in an exhausted huff. "It's not his fault…. I know that, but…."

"Guys!"

Ross now came hurrying up, his parents, Phoebe, Rachel, and the groomsmen all jogging up behind him. "Did you speak to the minister?"

"No luck," Monica shrugged helplessly. "He was affiliated with the Greek Orthodox Church, and isn't credentialed to wed non-believers."

Ross looked dismayed on his sister's and best friend's behalf. Rachel and Phoebe shared a terrified look, muttering to each other.

"What should we tell the guests, honey?" Jack rumbled sympathetically. "We're supposed to be admitted any moment…"

Monica glanced up, anguished, at Chandler. "Tell them… tell them…." Her bottom lip trembled. She could barely get the words out, even reluctantly. "Tell them we have to postpone…." Tears slipped down her face anew. "This venue was perfect! When we are supposed to get another reservation? Who is going to….? When….?" She was starting to hyperventilate.

Chandler took her hand fiercely. "I don't care," he blurted out suddenly. "I don't care about any of that stuff!"

"Wh-what….?" Monica sniffled, looking hurt.

Chandler winced. He needed to choose his words better. "Look, honey, I don't care if we get married by a Greek whatever in London, or by Joey in our living room, or by…. Ross's monkey in Vegas!" He took Monica in his arms. "If you'll still have me, I'll marry you whenever, wherever, anytime, any place."

"…. Really….?" Monica warbled, smiling weakly, though Chandler could tell from the look in her eyes that she was horrified at the very thought of elopement, in any form. She had grown up since their impulsive almost-decision at the casino two years ago.

"Yeah…." Chandler grinned at her adorably. "I know you wanted the perfect wedding, and that's still what we're gonna do. But something can still be perfect while being spontaneous!" It actually amused him at how Monica looked skeptical, but she conceded the point, if begrudgingly. "I just want to marry you in a way that will make you happy…."

Monica took a deep breath, and laced her fingers through his. "…. No. In a way that will make us happy…." She smiled at him wetly, brightly.

Chandler gazed at her in wonder. "I love you so much…." he breathed. "Enough that I'd still marry you right here… right now…."

"Yeah, um – you and what preacher?" Phoebe reminded them. "Hello? You still need someone ordained!"

Ross appeared deep in thought. All of a sudden, he snapped his fingers. "Maybe we don't have to have someone ordained….!"

Chandler stared. "How? And why couldn't you have mentioned that ten minutes ago?!"

He was startled by Ross's ready answer. "Because the method…. It's a little unorthodox…."

"Ross…" Phoebe chuckled. "They said Greek Orthodox…."

Ross let out a patient sigh even as he ignored her. He looked to his parents, who seemed to be nodding in understanding. "Certainly, it's not common, especially among Jewish circles, and it's most definitely a last resort…."

"Get to the point, Ross!" Monica frowned, annoyed.

"…. But if it works…. It'll help everybody."

"Will it help Joey teleport here on time?" Chandler quipped.

Ross shook his head sadly, lips pursed. "No. But for this…. we won't need Joey." He nodded to his dad. "Let the guests in. Chandler: get to the altar. Mon: wait here for Dad to escort you. I'll do the rest."

Everyone broke. Chandler drifted into his fiancée, bewildered. "…. Is your brother thinking of marrying us….?"

He watched Monica's eyes widen as a kind of clarity descended over her. "Not exactly. If he's suggesting what I think he is…. it's unconventional." She worried her bottom lip. "But short of Joey swooping in at the last second, we don't have any other choice." Swaying onto her tiptoes, she kissed his lips sweetly. "Go. I'll be the one in white."

Chandler nodded. Then he dashed down the aisle.

He watched as the guests began to trickle in, some of them glancing up to the altar and looking confused when they didn't spy an officiant of any sort right away. Moments later, Ross weaved through witnesses to reach the top of the aisle, but instead of taking his place as Best Man beside Chandler, he stood where Joey was supposed to be.

The guests took their seats as the wedding march began to play and Rachel, as the Maid of Honor, led off the processional, a bemused and tight smile on her face. If they were winging it, no one – except for maybe Ross – seemed to know how this ceremony was going to play out. It was like they were all trying to build an airplane in mid-flight.

The strains of Here Comes the Bride arose, and Monica turned the corner on her father's arm. She tried to calm herself by letting her eyes be only for Chandler as she glided up the aisle towards him. Jack passed his only daughter off to her future. Chandler and Monica took each other's hand solemnly and gazed deep into each other's eyes.

Ross lifted his hands to call for quiet.

"Good evening. Thank you all for coming. We are all so thrilled to be here to honor the love of my sister and Chandler. Unfortunately, the designated officiant who was supposed to conduct this ceremony has been detained…." Shocked murmuring percolated through the crowd. Ross lifted a hand again for calm. "Monica and I were raised in the Jewish faith. In the olden days, there were some shtetls that did not have a rabbi to bless marriages. This would normally be a calamitous thing. But…." He lifted a finger. "…. when there is no rabbi or minister present…. It is perfectly proper, according to the laws of Israel, for two people to wed each other by sincere mutual consent."

A/N: The Jewish custom Ross talks about is made up, though it is inspired by the wedding scene in Brigadoon and the Scottish matrimonial tradition.