Chapter 3: Do-It-Yourself Wedding

It was so silent in the ballroom, one could hear a pin drop. The congregation was clearly shocked, thrown. Ross glanced fondly between Chandler and Monica, who looked at each other – Chandler stunned, Monica growing elated.

"…. We're marrying…. ourselves….?" Chandler deduced.

Ross nodded, whispering to them. "I'd do it, except I'm not ordained. But… this would still be appropriate." He spoke to the crowd again:

"There need be nothing in writing – all that is necessary is that you promise to love each other…. while you're both still alive on this earth." He nodded to the couple.

Searching Monica's shining eyes, Chandler shrugged. "I guess we'll just…. give our vows…." This all felt very surreal to him.

"Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do…. but when I saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was: I love you…." She beamed at him beatifically. "Any surprises that come our way – like having to conduct our own wedding with no notice…." (The audience laughed). "…. It's OK, because I will always love you." He swallowed hard, becoming emotional as he slipped the ring on her finger. "I shall love you… honor and cherish you…. till I die…. and I'll make every effort to be a good husband to you…"

Monica let out a shaky, exhilarated breath. "And so much will I try, to be a fine and loving wife…" She appeared breathless, hopelessly in love. "Chandler…. for so long, I wondered if I would ever find my prince…. My soulmate. Then, three years ago, at another wedding… I turned to a friend for comfort…. and instead ended up finding everything I've been looking for my whole life. Now…. here we are… with our future before us…. and I only want to spend it with you: my prince. My soulmate…. My friend." She slipped the wedding ring onto his finger.

Chandler grinned adoringly. "You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with." He stepped into her. "You wanna know if I'm sure…?" Chandler drew his bride close and kissed her. Monica melted, swooned into the embrace and returned their wedding kiss happily.

Ross, still standing there awkwardly, having barely shepherded the wedding along, threw up his hands with a thin, relieved smile. The entire congregation burst into applause, cheering and whooping.

Monica and Chandler dreamily broke apart and smiled into each other's eyes.

"We're married… We did it…." Monica whispered with relish.

Chandler chuckled. "Yeah…. We really did…." He smirked and shrugged haplessly. "You know what they say, honey: if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."

Monica leaned in, her smile blinding and her eyes sparkling. "That's my Chandler…"

They kissed again tenderly. The lip-lock broke apart when Chandler suddenly swept Monica off her feet, bridal-style. Laughing, squealing with delight, Monica threw her arms around his neck as he spun her, the couple euphoric. Her husband (Chandler was her husband!) set her gallantly down before they turned to face their well-wishers; arm-in-arm, Mr. and Mrs. Bing glided triumphantly up the aisle.

The newlyweds had barely entered the lobby outside when there was a commotion by the revolving doors. Joey came lunging in, practically falling, dressed in an army costume.

"WAIT! The wedding must be stopped!... Wait!"

Chandler gaped and spluttered, turning to his wife (he felt a rush course through him at getting to refer to her as his spouse). "Oh, wow, Mon – look who decided to show up!" Joey flinched, looking hurt and crushed.

Monica gasped, dropping her husband's arm and dashing to Joey, throwing her arms around his neck in relief. "There you are! Joey! What are you doing here…?" She felt a twinge of sympathy go through her as Joey clutched at her.

"…. I'm too late, aren't I?..." Joey whimpered, forlorn.

Monica drew back, speaking gently. "…. Yes, honey…." She was moved by how Joey's face crumpled like paper with disappointment, even anguish, and he burst into tears.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry….! I fought to get here as hard as I could! When my director finally released me, I ran!"

"You ran all the way here?" Chandler drifted into his wife and his best friend, his anger softening. He gestured at Joey. "…. and in your army uniform?"

Joey nodded glumly, looking down to where he was still in his World War II costume from set, before glancing between them. "I can't believe I missed your wedding…." He looked sincerely broken up.

Monica softly touched Joey's face. "You made every effort to get here," she soothed him. "Really, Joe: it isn't your fault…."

"It is!" Joey insisted, whining like a little kid. "I was supposed to…. How did you guys even get married without me?"

Chandler and Monica glanced at each other, grinning. "…. We married ourselves."

"Huh?" Joey blinked. "You can't marry yourself!" He looked bamboozled.

Monica smirked and rolled her eyes. "No…. We officiated our own wedding…."

Joey's perplexed expression didn't change. "What?!" he bawled. "How?!"

Monica touched his arm. "I'll explain."

Joey still seemed crestfallen at the reception. He felt guilty for not only missing his big moment, but for rushing in just too late. It took chutzpa for him to even ask the bride, the new Mrs. Bing, for a dance.

As Monica swayed in the arms of her husband's best friend, she took pity on poor Joey, clucking in amusement. "If you keep looking any sadder, people will think you barged in attending to object and just missed it."

Joey wasn't appeased by her best attempt at a facetious joke. "I would never do that to you or Chandler…."

Monica smirked. "Not even for the promise of lemonade?" It was an old joke between them, harkening back to the day they first met, and Monica was amused by how Joey flushed crimson.

"It's not anything to joke about, Monica…. You're like my baby sister, and well…. I let you down…."

Monica rested her chin on his shoulder. "You could never let me down, Joey. But I still forgive you. Besides, you'll still get to watch the wedding - there will be video…." she tried to assuage him.

"It's not the same…." Joey moaned. "I wanted to watch you get married…."

Monica drew back, thoughtful. "Tell you what: when Chandler and I get back from our honeymoon…. Let's have a do-over."

"How do you mean?" Joey frowned. Though he appeared only too eager to help.

Monica smiled. "Marry us – in our living room. I'll put on my dress again and everything; Chandler can wear his tux." She shrugged. "It'll be the cheapest vow renewal ever…"

"I don't mind!" Joey looked elated, grateful. He was grinning broadly. "I'd kiss the bride myself if I wasn't sure Chandler would punch the living daylights out of me!"

Monica threw back her head and laughed brightly. Joey still got his kiss with the bride though, when she offered him her cheek.

Two Weeks Later

In front of the bay windows of Apartment 20 that looked out onto the balcony, Chandler and Monica stood in their wedding garb and grinned into each other's eyes.

Joey, grateful and relieved, looked between them approvingly, as Chandler and Monica once again exchanged rings and vows. To other couples, it might have seemed a waste to remove their weddings bands, even with just soap and water and just for a moment, only to put them back on again, but Chandler and Monica wanted to recreate the full effect of their wedding, for Joey's sake. Ross was even on hand with a camera, to document the moment. Restaging as much as possible would only make Joey feel better.

"Monica Elizabeth Geller… with this ring… I thee wed…." Chandler intoned.

Monica smiled contentedly as she returned the favor, breathless. "Chandler Muriel Bing…. with this ring…. I thee wed…."

A small pause.

"…. Your middle name is Muriel?..." Joey marveled, looking one tick away from bursting into laughter.

Chandler gnashed his teeth, stewing in embarrassment. "…. Yes!" he growled. "OK? It's Muriel! Are you happy?"

"OK….. Muriel…." Joey smirked, holding back a guffaw. Composing himself, he turned to Chandler. "Chandler: do you take Monica to be your wife?"

Chandler grinned softly. "Yeah, I do…."

"Monica: do you take Chandler to be your husband?"

"I do…." Monica murmured, beaming.

"Yeah, you do!" Joey squealed. "Go on, kiss her again!" At Chandler's bemused smirk, Joey cleared his throat. "I mean, you kissed her caused you married her once already, so…."

Giggling, face radiant, Monica leaned in and kissed her husband. Chandler returned it eagerly, lifting his bride in his arms and carrying her back towards their bedroom, closing the door behind them.

Joey clapped his hands together, his task finally fulfilled and honored. "All right, guys, let's clear out!"

With that, he, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross and the Gellers – who were present as witnesses – filed quickly out of the apartment.